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The air was thick with a fog that settled low. If it were not so grey and gloomy on the outskirts of Coronet City, Reath could have sworn the sickly green nihil gas had reached his lungs again. Scratching his windpipe and making him lightheaded, eyes burning and blurring. His breathing picked up, the barely healing cuts and bruises all over his body stung and ached. Reath forced himself to open his eyes. To ground himself.
Any time he had tried to meditate all he could see was green smoke, civilians crying for help, Cohmac's hand on his shoulder, the holo of Starlight, holding Ram back, his master leaving.
Reath was sat on the front porch, in borrowed loose tan robes, mug of caf in his hand. The air around him couldn't decide whether it wanted to be too hot or too cold. Either way, the fog made the linen stick to his skin. He stared out into the woods. His master, former master now, had walked into the same trees only a day before. Where Cohmac Vitus had gone, Reath didn't know. He couldn’t help the sinking feeling that watching him walk away would be the last time they saw each other. The Nihil still had their weapon, had even more of an army now. Cohmac had no weapon, now Reath had two but he felt more vulnerable than ever before.
The two lightsabers sat on a small table back inside the house. He could feel the hum of his familiar green crystal in its chassis, and the softly snoring Ram who was fast asleep in the bed nearby. The blue crystal called to him too, though not clearly. It felt like trying to hold water in his hands, the crystal's resonance evading him just as he touched it within the force. It didn't belong on the kyber arch yet, he knew it. Reath had read of jedi keeping the sabers of those who had been lost. He knew Master Obratuk had kept all of his padawan's sabers over his long lifespan. He had resolved, the moment he noticed exactly what it was that Cohmac had placed in his hands, that he would keep it. Keep it safe until his master needed it again.
He knew Cohmac had been hurting. He had noticed him calling Orla Jareni more often, taking on more archival jobs, long hours sorting through records for safe keeping on Starlight Beacon to keep his mind off of worries. All of that history was gone now. It would only live as long as those who remembered it. Reath and Cohmac had been the ones to recover so much of it, from planets too overrun by Nihil raids that Starlight was their last hope of preservation.
He regretted all of those hours spent with his master in the archival rooms. They didn't talk much, both preferring to get lost in their own worlds. He should have asked him. Asked him how he was holding up. Asked if there was anything he could do to lift some of the weight from Cohmac's shoulders. He supposed, now he had. Cohmac no longer had a padawan. A padawan that had weighed him down, Taken his sleep away, given him more worries, gotten himself kidnapped and hurt. A padawan he could lose.
Cohmac could handle himself. Reath knew that. The man could levitate for force's sake. And Reath knew that Cohmac and Jora Malli had been preparing him for this. He had the skills he needed, he knew he could do this. But he didn't know if he could do it alone.
Once before, barely a year ago, he had been alone. He lost Dez, and with no time to collect himself, he lost his Master too. He remembered finding a small corner of the Vessel on their way back to the dreaded station, his Master's final lesson echoing in his head: "Why can't a jedi cross the Kyber Arch alone?" Two crystals, that would never help a jedi cross the crystalline bridge. One crystal that had been lost in the same wreckage as her body. Nothing to hold on to. He had been sitting cross legged, trying to meditate, yet he could not find the state of peace that was so familiar. He had lifted his head, to find his now puffy red eyes staring back at him in a chromed piece of metal. His cheeks were wet with tears he wasn't sure when he had shed, hair growing a little too long over his ears. And those freckles. Jora had always noted them. Saying they were the human version of her own facial markings. It had always brought a small smile to his face when he was younger, a shield of sorts against some of the other younglings, who chose to pick apart his every quirk. Now he wished his tears would wash them away. Rid him of reminders.
That felt like a lifetime ago. He still had a small scar on his nose from Dez's wild saber attack. Yet seeing Dez alive had not healed losing him the first time. He still couldn't make sense of the guilt he felt about it all. He had then asked Cohmac to be his new master. Had he rushed him into it? Had Cohmac felt pressured to accept? Or sorry for him? Would he ever get to ask him?
Just as Reath felt his throat tightening and eyes prickle, he heard a gentle tapping on the porch.
"Uh, Reath?" Ram Jomaram said, in an almost wary tone, "Master Kantam says it's nearly time."
Reath turned around, the already dressed Ram looked almost scared to meet his eyes. He nodded, Ram did so too and headed back into the house. Reath slowly got up, knees protesting at how long he had been sitting there. He picked up his now cold mug and made his way towards the room where him and Ram had been sleeping.
It was small, but jedi had little need for a large living space. His padawan quarters weren't much bigger. He supposed he wouldn't be sleeping there anymore. He didn't know how big a Jedi Knight's quarters were. Or if there would be enough for all of them where they were headed. Shaking the thought away for another time, he changed out of the borrowed robes and into his old ones.
Tunic, vest, then the tabard and then- he paused, holding up his green sash to tie it like he always did when he realised. The sash was of no use to him now. His braid was cut, although he sometimes could still feel it, the oath had been taken. For a moment, he thought about putting it on anyway, the snug wrap around his waist had always been comforting to him, instead, he ripped it in two. The harsh sound scraped his eardrums with the sudden volume, but once he was done, he took the thinner belts and wrapped each around his forearms, placing his bracers overtop. Green peeked out from beneath the metal and leather, not enough to be overt.
He felt wrong when he caught himself in the mirror once he finished dressing. His hair had grown too long over his ears, making his face look too round. He tried to smooth his tabard over his now unbound chest to no avail. The injuries he sustained would only be aggravated if he wore his binder, Kantam had had to convince him of that the previous day. The tug of his braid getting caught in his collar was no more, the flash of green at his waist was replaced by only his leather belts.
His freckles, however, were right where they had always been. It seemed he had gained even more since he came to the Outer Rim. He and Cohmac had spent a few days on Elphrona, where Reath ended up back on Starlight Beacon with a tender red burn across his nose and cheeks, leaving behind a smattering of tiny brown dots in it's wake. Another human quirk, Jora Malli would have called it. His lips turned up in a slight smile as he thought about what Jora and Dez would think of him adventuring in the Outer Rim, braving the insects and everything. He hoped they might be proud of who he has become. He wished he could share it with them.
Reath gathered the rest of his meager posessions and stuffed them into the many pouches on his belt, leaving the borrowed pyjamas behind. They hadn't had time to fetch their things before retreating here after all. With a slight hesitation, a thought fleeting through his mind of what the other's might think, he reached for Cohmac's lightsaber and clipped it onto his belt, and then did the same for his own. The familiar weight on his belt only slightly heavier than before.
Reath heard a ship landing in a clearing nearby. A shuttle that would take them to the Longbeam above. He shrugged on his robe and headed outside.
The others were waiting for him by the shuttle. Kantam Sy and Ram Jomaram in their usual robes, their faces turning slightly sullen when they clocked that Reath had arrived. Zeen, tendrils now pulled back into a tail on her head, looked ready to fight. Crash was standing at her side, a speeder close by.
The mikkian girl pulled Reath into a hug as soon as he got close. Slightly shocked at this, Reath almost struggled free, but he relaxed into it and hugged her back.
"I'm not going with you." She said, voice cracking as if she had been crying. When they stepped back, he could see that she had been. "I have to find her. I have to know." He didn't need her to explain who she was talking about. The only news they had received about Lula Talisola was that she was Missing. Presumed dead. Reath opened his mouth to say something but stopped when he decided to pull her into another hug. He didn't know Zeen as well as he did others, but he had to hope he would have the chance to do so soon.
"May the force be with you." He said, softly by her ear. He didn't know what else he could have said. She gave a saddened smile as they parted. She hugged Ram, and then Kantam, who squeezed her back and said something Reath couldn't quite make out. They nodded to eachother, and she stood back beside Crash.
They all turned their heads as the shuttle hissed and steam poured out of the lowering ramp. A Tholothian woman in a worn flightsuit stepped out. She introduced herself as Thele Makous, a freight pilot who volunteered her service to help transport people towards the inner rim after her ship was attacked by Nihil Raiders. She greeted Kantam Sy with a bow and quick "Master Jedi" before they conversed quietly with her, then gestured for the others to come aboard. Ram walked up the ramp and Thele gave him a respectful smile along with "Padawan", but when Reath stepped onto the durasteel, she said: "Jedi Knight, welcome aboard."
Reath stopped, his brows creasing. Causing a concerned look to flash across Thele's blue tinged features. He noticed Kantam was looking over at him too.
"I'm sorry, have I caused offence?" a genuine remorse in her voice caused Reath to feel guilty for reacting this way.
Reath gathered his racing mind and stilled it for a moment. "No," he said. "Just… still getting used to it." He lifted his head, nodded apologetically to the pilot and walked to his seat in the small cabin without meeting the eye of the other jedi.
The ramp hissed back into place, as Thele sat down in her pilot seat. Reath pretended to be watching her work the controls, but couldn't take his eyes off of the forest sprawing below then as the ship grumbled and lifted off the ground. He could see Zeen and Crash on their speeder heading back to Coronet city, their pink heads becoming only a small blur.
He wondered if Cohmac, wherever he was, could see their shuttle. He wondered if he knew they were leaving Corellia. He wondered if he should have followed him into that forest. Let the trees swallow him, as they had his Master, sprint after him and tell him to not go. To stay. It was a selfish thought.
The long beam grew closer, hovering over the destroyed space port, still littered with rubble. Vicious memories wanted to rush back in of the horrors they had faced down there, but Reath pushed against them. He couldn't hide from his fellow jedi now. They were headed to Coruscant. The place he had sworn to be his home once. But his home had been destroyed. Along with everything he had tried to run away from. It now lay in broken pieces at the bottom of the Eirami ocean.
They would try to rebuild. But Reath couldn't help feeling like going back to the city planet was admitting defeat.