Work Text:
Alison really thought she and the ghosts were coming to some sort of understanding. She had a good sense of their tastes and preferences, and as long as she could keep them happy, they’d give her some semblance of time to herself.
Even so, she couldn’t find it in herself to be surprised when a pack of ghosts came charging at her talking over each other. Disappointed, perhaps, that Friends had pacified them so briefly, but not surprised.
She stood with a sigh. Mike shot her a questioning look, but she shook her head. Pointless was really more his thing; no point in putting it on hold for however long this took.
Alison looked to the Captain first, but he hovered uncharacteristically at the back of the group, looking distinctly uncomfortable. Nor was Pat there to take the lead instead. Before she could figure out the next step in the complex political hierarchy, Kitty spoke up. “Hello, Alison! Thank you again for setting up Friends for us. It’s just that they used a term that I didn’t know, and I was hoping you could explain it?”
Alison looked over the group once again, and, yes, there was Julian, looking quite smug. (So, Julian, then.) The fact that he hadn’t bothered giving Kitty a definition filled her with a deep sense of foreboding. “Uh, sure, I guess. What was it?”
Kitty turned to Robin, who puffed his chest out. “Ross’ ex-wife. She is… less-bean?”
Huh. Alison had forgotten all about that subplot. Well, it wasn’t like she had time to screen everything before setting the ghosts on it. At least this one was easy to explain. “Oh, lesbian,” she said. “Gay. Er, homosexual.” She noticed Robin’s still-blank expression. “Women who like women.”
“Oh,” Mary said, remarkably blase. “That’s what Julian said, but I assumeds he was just telling stories again.”
Julian scoffed. “If I was lying, I would have told you something interesting. Lesbians are no fun at all; they want nothing to do with me. Now, young gay men, on the other hand…”
“Why it funny?” Robin asked. “Ross not bad at sex, she just no like men.”
Alison weighed her options. She could try to explain the nuances of millennia worth of societal prejudices to a man who wasn’t sold on the concept of monogamy, or she could touch whatever it was that Julian was implying. “Well, there are people who think that being gay is weird, and that weirdness is a punchline in itself, to them.”
“And Carol is lucky she’s a woman!” the Captain cut in. “Why, men can be executed for being homosexual. Though, it does seem like women have rather more agency in their… intimate relationships… these days. Perhaps it’s illegal for them as well now?”
“What? No. Of course not.” Alison shook her head. “Being gay isn’t illegal for anyone anymore.”
The Captain opened his mouth and then closed it. He clicked his tongue. “I see,” he said, gaze distant. “Is that right? Very good.”
Yeah, Alison was going to leave that one alone.
“It does sound rather exciting,” Kitty said. “The concept of marrying your girlfriends, I mean. I never knew quite what a woman was supposed to discuss with her husband. For a lesbian , though, it must be like one long sleepover!”
…Also not something Alison felt qualified to address! “Right,” she said. “Well. Is that all, then?”
Thomas had been lurking at the back of the pack, but now he stepped forward, the motion reminiscent of an actor asserting command of the stage. The fact that it worked was quite irritating. “Surely it isn’t that simple,” he said, though he probably would have called it a declaration. “Perhaps it is no longer a capital offence, but marriage? What priest would preside over such a union?”
“Any halfway decent one?” Alison retorted before she could catch herself. Which was fine. If anything, it would be a relief if this made Thomas stop speaking to her, right?
“Even the clergy?” the Captain muttered to himself.
Thomas paid him no attention, instead breaking into an enormous grin. “This is most wonderful news! Do you know how many sonnets I composed for men but dared not put to paper? There is a whole body of my work as yet unknown to the world!” He locked eyes with Alison. “Please, how are you at taking dictation?”
“That’s great, buddy,” Alison said, slightly hysterically. “But, uh. What do you want me to do with any of it once it’s written down?”
“Why, publish it, of course!” Thomas said. “My fans deserve to know the whole of who I am.”
Alison took a deep breath. “Thomas, you didn’t live here. Even if you had written these while you were alive, why would I be the one to find them?”
“Ah.” Thomas’ brow furrowed. “True. I shall have to think on it.”
“Do you think that perhaps Monica is a lesbian as well?” Kitty asked.
Robin shrugged. “Maybe,” he said. “Maybe she like both!”
“Now that’s called bisexuality, and that’s where the real fun begins,” Julian said.
“Isn’t that just everyone, though?” Mary asked. “Or, you know. Not Carol, I suppose. But it always seemeds to me that marriage was about having children, and if you don’t haves to worries about that, you can do as you pleases.”
Thomas made a scandalized sound, but couldn’t hide the interest in his expression.
The Captain’s gaze remained firmly fixed on the wall. He seemed not to notice the chaos swelling back up around him.
Well, Alison thought, rubbing her temples. Pat would be thrilled at the prospect of starting up a GSA.