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Severus finished packing his clothes into his wardrobe, trying to avoid staring too much — it was the first time he'd ever had more than three sweaters, and probably the first time he'd ever had even one piece of clothing that hadn't been worn by someone else. Fleamont and Euphemia were insistent enough on Severus buying everything he wanted, and would not accept that he took fewer clothes than seemed necessary. At least they let him choose the clothes — when Severus refused to buy more than he wanted and Euphemia threatened to leave him in one shop and buy clothes for him in another, he began to behave quickly.
Having the chance to choose his own clothes showed Severus something he honestly already knew: that his colour palette was dark and neutral. No vibrant hues appeared among the shirts and trousers he chose. Severus opted for black, dark brown and dark green. The only slightly different type of colour he bought was a wine red jumper, but only because Sirius insisted and said he would annoy him all day if Severus refused. In the end, Remus agreed that the jumper looked quite nice on him, and Severus found himself unable to refuse.
The jumper did stand out quite a bit from the rest of the clothes there, but he wasn't personally bothered. At least the colour was mellow, and it matched the rest of the trousers he had bought as they were also more neutral tones. Severus doubted he would wear it that often, but admittedly he couldn't deny the strange satisfaction of seeing Sirius and Remus' faces when he wore the jumper. They seemed quite interested, for some reason, and Severus was secretly enjoying having the attention of both of them.
That wouldn't be so worrying if it was only with Remus, of course. Severus was well aware of his feelings for Lupin, and even wondered how the boy hadn't figured it out yet, because he was certainly failing to be subtle about it. But Sirius Black was a different thing entirely. Severus understood perfectly well what it was like to match Sirius and Remus inside his head, but that didn't automatically mean he processed that meaning with equal aptitude. Or maybe he was just very good at denial— especially when it came to a situation like this, where he clearly still liked Remus, but was also experiencing mixed feelings for someone else, someone he still didn't exactly know how to classify.
Still, the days didn't stop within the Potter lands despite his confusion. Severus continued to treat them as he thought he should, and let himself drift into the calmness of the nice sunny days. He learned more about Potions from Fleamont than Slughorn could ever dream of teaching him, and, feeling comfortable around the man, even showed him a few things he had invented, mainly spells. No one knew about them but Lily, and even the act of showing them to a new person made Severus worried, because people could easily interpret them as harmful, but Fleamont seemed delighted.
The relationship between him and Potter, on the other hand, was now almost non-existent. They were avoiding each other as if one did not exist for the other, and in the rare moments when they had to be together, like during meals, they did not look at each other and neither did they engage in the subject if the other was already talking. The people around noticed, of course, but Fleamont and Euphemia were aware of the enmity between them, and the Lupins were not extremely curious people. The only thing that could get the two of them talking in something that could be considered a normal conversation was when Sirius or Remus asked their opinion on something related to Hogwarts.
The most recurring subject recently was Dumbledore. Severus was surprised to learn that Fleamont and Euphemia didn't have a good opinion of the wizard, especially since it was always said that the Potters walked side by side with the Hogwarts headmasters, always offering support. But things changed when they found out what James and Sirius were doing, and how the headmaster allowed them to continue, as well as the recruitment of young students to the dark side. The Lupins had less harsh opinions, but Severus understood why—Dumbledore allowed their son to study, something no other witch school would allow.
He had become the recent subject because he was insistently wanting to talk to Severus, and knew perfectly well where to find him—which genuinely scared the boy. Severus knew it wasn't very difficult logic to follow, especially if he wasn't with Lily. Anyone would have noticed how close Remus, Severus, and Sirius had become, and if Remus wasn't home and Severus wasn't with him, all he had to do was look for Sirius, who was consequently with the Potters. Dumbledore knew Severus wouldn’t be with Tobias, not since his mother had died. Finding Severus theoretically wasn't the hardest part, but something about that ease, that access, made Severus genuinely nervous. He couldn't help but think that Dumbledore was watching them far more than necessary recently.
Euphemia naturally didn't want to allow the Headmaster to contact him yet, not without knowing exactly what he would like to talk to Severus about—and that, apparently, was a secret that Dumbledore was unwilling to talk to her about without Severus’ presence. Curiosity was high, and Severus would have offered to meet with him had Remus and Sirius not been so offended by the suggestion. Remus had been cultivating a bad opinion of Dumbledore for a while now, having seen some things about the man that were less than ideal, but Sirius was the person who really surprised Severus: he seemed equally distrustful of the man.
Potter, of course, could not deeply understand the problem, and because of that he did not understand the hesitation of all of them either. He would admit that Dumbledore had erred in many ways, but as a powerful and good wizard, they shouldn't cast him aside like that. Severus didn't think Dumbledore had any intention beyond defeating the Dark Lord—but perhaps that was precisely the problem. He had a very clear goal, and he would certainly use them to fulfil it if necessary, and Severus personally didn't like the idea of being a pawn for a man who would probably put them at risk without a second thought.
In the past, perhaps, he would’ve taken it. If it was an option, the only option— being a pawn, but surviving somehow— he would’ve taken it. And putting his own life at risk wouldn't become a problem either, despite Lily—but now he didn't have the courage to make that decision. Now he had more people in his life, more people who cared. More people who would probably kill him themselves if they found out what he did. If dealing with Lily would have been hard enough, Severus wouldn't even like to think what it would be like to deal with Remus, Sirius, Euphemia, Fleamont, the Lupins, Regulus. No, he couldn't make that decision now that he had gotten where he was.
But the curiosity was still great. Severus really wanted to know what Dumbledore wanted to talk to him about.
"Maybe I can just listen to him." Severus suggested one day over dinner.
Sirius immediately closed his expression, "No."
"Sirius—" Severus frowned, but Remus was quicker.
"I don't think it's a good idea either." he muttered, clearly displeased. Sirius nodded vehemently at Remus' support. "I know Lily is still hoping he'll help us—" at the mention of her, Potter immediately seemed more attentive. "—but I don't think he has all the good intentions he claims to have."
Severus sighed, but he wasn't willing to give up anytime soon.
"One day he will get to talk to me. Either here, or at school. Here you have the chance to be close to me, in a controlled environment." here you have the chance to protect me, he didn't say it aloud, but those present listened anyway.
"Severus is not wrong on that point." Euphemia agreed, looking thoughtful. "Dumbledore is assertive, and although he seems gentle, he can be quite intense. He has been extremely keen to talk to Severus, and I can only assume it is serious business."
Fleamont remained silent, but also had a contemplative expression. The Lupins remained quiet, as they usually did when it came to Dumbledore. Severus couldn't blame them—the gratitude was too great, and they were people who honoured those who honoured them. Remus was much the same, but he had other priorities and other concerns, which made Severus feel a little dazed, because Remus put him above Hogwarts—he was more important than his studies.
"If Severus wants to hear him, we can do nothing but support him." Fleamont said eventually, and despite the words of agreement, his tone was certainly contrarian. "But I would like to be present."
"Certainly." Euphemia agreed.
They turned to Severus, who completely ignored Remus' and Sirius' stares, and nodded.
It was strange to see Dumbledore outside of Hogwarts.
Somehow, Severus processed the existence of the castle and the headmaster as the same thing—as if they were two magically connected beings who needed to be near each other. He knew that wasn't the truth, of course. Dumbledore had spent many days away from Hogwarts before, and he certainly didn't depend on Hogwarts magic to survive, but it was still strange.
He was sitting opposite Severus, on a particularly comfortable three-seater sofa. Remus, Sirius and Potter were asked to stay away from there, mainly because Sirius in particular did not like the idea of having Dumbledore so close to Severus at all— he had become strongly protective, much more so than Remus. Euphemia thought it best, therefore, to leave them far away, so that none of the three of them could interrupt any conversation they were going to have. And it wasn't as if Severus was going to keep it a secret from them anyway— eventually the two would find out what they talked about there.
"Severus, my boy, thank you so much for choosing to listen to me." Dumbledore said after taking another sip of tea, leaving the cup on the saucer with a slight clink. Euphemia and Fleamont were sitting one on either side of him, keeping silent. "And I thank you for your hospitality, Ms. Potter, Mr. Potter."
"I imagine the matter is serious, sir, otherwise you would not seek me out."
"Certainly." Dumbledore nodded. "In fact, I do not come here to demand anything of you, only to thank you and, of course, offer."
"To thank me?" Severus frowned.
"You may remember the book Professor Slughorn took from you that night, which talked about souls, and which I returned a while later." Severus nodded. "That particular book, as I told you, contained no really worrying information, but other books, and other places, speak things about souls that young and easily impressionable minds should not come into contact with."
"Sir?"
Dumbledore smiled, and the half-moon glasses gave him the impression of infinite kindness.
"Professor Slughorn was worried that day, and I couldn't help but wonder why. He was never bothered by another student showing interest in any academic subject, always very interested in the success of his pupils." Severus controlled the urge to roll his eyes. Slughorn had an agenda, and his interests were purely selfish. "Professor Slughorn was intensely against my wishes to return the book to you, and I couldn't help but wonder why that was too."
He paused for a moment to sip some more of his tea, and Severus found himself almost rushing the man. He had no patience for such coaxing.
"Eventually, Professor Slughorn told me the reason behind such concern, and what I will speak of now, Severus, Ms. Potter and Mr. Potter, will not be something simple, or something small. But I do ask that you listen to me."
Severus nodded, extremely curious and concerned. Beside him, Fleamont placed her hand on his shoulder, as if to calm him.
"As you may know, the Dark Lord studied at Hogwarts when he was still using the name Tom Riddle. At the time, Professor Slughorn was teaching classes already.. The Slug Club was already quite popular, too." Dumbledore said, staring at Severus with a small smile. "Tom Riddle was a very bright boy, and he surprised all the teachers, including me. Thirsty for knowledge, much like yourself, my boy."
It was a little hard to control the urge to growl in Dumbledore's direction—wanting to have more knowledge did not in the least imply becoming a power-hungry control freak capable of killing people. Severus certainly had no interest in that at all.
"At the time, he also began a study for souls, and asked Professor Slughorn about them. Professor Slughorn therefore answered him about what he understood, innocently enough. None of us thought what he would do with that knowledge." Dumbledore piggled, "Tom Riddle asked about Horcruxes."
Fleamont held his breath, squeezing Severus' shoulder.
"What are Horcruxes?" Severus asked, confused.
"Horcruxes, my boy, are objects created through terrible magic, capable of providing their creators with the closest thing one has to immortality. The wizard who wishes to create one must defy nature and the order of things, and kill an individual to create a Horcrux and store a piece of his soul in an object. That way, should he die physically, his soul will remain stored, and he will always have the chance to return."
Severus swallowed dryly, his eyes wide, "He's immortal?"
Dumbledore struck a darker expression, and nodded.
"I'm afraid to say, according to the information I've received, that Tom has probably begun his soul-splitting process some time ago. Creating Horcruxes changes the person, you see. He starts to lose his human features, and gets more and more deformed. Recently, it has been said that he looks increasingly pale, and his eyes have changed colour." Dumbledore gestured, looking increasingly tired. "It's a terrible scenario, but if it weren't for your curiosity and thirst for knowledge, my boy, we might never find out that he had an interest in souls and asked about Horcruxes, or at least not this early."
"Professor Slughorn—"
"He is distraught and ashamed. He had no intention, of course, of helping Tom become immortal. He didn’t expect that the bright and smart boy we met in the past would become Lord Voldemort."
Severus crisped his lips, unsure of what to say. Slughorn might be useless, but Severus knew he was not conniving with the Dark Lord's thoughts. That, however, did not change what had happened, nor that they were virtually fighting a person who could not die.
"Those Horcruxes— can they be destroyed?"
"It is a difficult process, and I am researching further into it, but I believe that yes, they can be destroyed." Severus felt his shoulders relax a little, "And we have an advantage. I don't think Tom knows that we even have any idea what he's done."
"He won't try to hide the Horcruxes, since he doesn't know we know." Fleamont muttered, and Dumbledore nodded.
"What was the offer you wanted to make?" Severus decided to ask.
"It is something to think about for the moment. I don't want an immediate answer." Dumbledore smiled. "I would like you to join the Order of the Phoenix, Severus. The Order is an organisation that intends to fight Tom and his Death Eaters. I believe your knowledge could help us discover where the Horcruxes are, and locate them inside the school."
"Inside the school?" Severus's eyes widened. "He—he left them inside the school?"
"Some, I believe, are there, yes."
"And you want me to help you find them? Just that?" Severus asked, suspicious. He couldn't believe that Dumbledore wouldn't end up asking him to fight a war alone with the Dark Lord, not after everything the Headmaster had allowed to happen to him inside Hogwarts, a place that was supposed to be safe for all students of all houses.
Dumbledore continued, smiling, "Severus, I know you're an amazing wizard, and an even better potioneer, but I also know that you're just a boy. I'm not going to ask you to fight anyone, I just want help finding the Horcruxes inside Hogwarts, and also, with your talents and studies, I have no doubt you'll be able to help us..."
Severus swallowed dryly, but in the end decided to nod.
"I will— think about it." he muttered. It was a very big responsibility, and Severus wouldn't be able to keep it a secret from any of his friends, so he intended to tell them first before making a decision.
"That is all I ask." Dumbledore craned his head. "I understand it's not an easy request, but I wouldn't ask anything of you that I don't think you can fulfil."
Dumbledore left soon after that, after chatting a little with Fleamont and Euphemia. Severus remained sitting on the sofa, staring at the coffee table, thoughtful. He was only roused from his thoughts when Euphemia touched his shoulder, smiling at the boy.
"You should go and rest, Severus. You've had a long night." she said gently.
Severus nodded, and stared at her with some hesitation, "What do you think—? He—he seemed quite convincing."
Euphemia craned her head, looking uncertain.
"You're just a boy, Severus. I don't think he should involve either of you in this. But it is a war, and you—you have the knowledge. You can help us. I think it's something to think about." Euphemia smiled. "But don't feel obliged to accept it, Severus. You are only a boy. You can run away if you want, and none of us will think it would be cowardly."
"Thank you, Euphemia." Severus smiled, comforted by her words. The woman smiled, gently caressing his face.
"Go, it's late." she hurried him to his room.
Before going upstairs, Severus wished Fleamont goodnight. Instead of going into his own room, he made his way down the corridor to Sirius' room, where he and Remus would probably be waiting.
Severus didn't need to knock on the door. Clearly, from the commotion he found by the time he entered the room, Remus and Sirius had been waiting for him for quite some time.
"Sev!" Remus rushed over to him, pulling him gently into the mess of pillows and blankets on the floor beside the bed, where Sirius was staring at him wide-eyed. "Sev, are you okay?"
"Of course I am— What did you— Did you think Dumbledore would do something to me? In front of Euphemia and Fleamont?"
"You never know, with people like him." Sirius muttered, raising his arms as if calling out to Severus. Remus laughed a little at the gesture, gently pushing him to sit between Sirius' legs.
Severus was hardly surprised at how easily he gave in, settling easily between the spread legs of Sirius, who gently held his waist, as if Severus would run away from him. Remus sat in front of the two, staring at them with such tenderness and gentleness that Severus had to look away.
"So?" Sirius murmured, his voice just as tender.
"Oh— yeah, huh." Severus huffed, playing with the fingers of his own hands, avoiding looking at Remus. He didn't want to give away his own frailty in front of the two of them, not about that, not yet. "It's a rather complicated story. You guys remember about that book of souls I asked you to get for me?" the two nodded. "It spawned all of this."
He didn't take much longer to explain in detail what he had heard and understood, being interrupted here and there by Sirius' incredulous comments and Remus' indignant expressions, who was muttering silently claiming lack of responsibility. In the end, when Severus finally explained Dumbledore's proposal, Sirius was holding him tightly by the waist, and Remus was holding both his hands fervently.
"No—No, too dangerous." Remus muttered, but Severus could see the hesitation in him. Sirius remained silent.
"I understand it's complicated." Severus decided to say, after clearing his throat a few times. His throat was strangely a little blocked at that moment, embattled. "But I think it's a good offer. And having it—having something on Dumbledore means I can ask for more."
Remus raised his head, staring at him curiously, "Sev?"
Severus smiled, and even though he couldn't see it, Sirius let out a chuckle, squeezing it between his fingers again.
"Terribly Slytherin." Sirius whispered, in a tone of amusement.
"I just need to find the Horcruxes that are in the school, Dumbledore will know what to do with them. I don't need to destroy anything, or even compromise my position further. But what I can do is demand more of him. It is dangerous, I agree. If anyone suspects, if anyone knows— but I don't think anyone will know. Dumbledore suspects that no one but the Dark Lord knows about the Horcruxes, and I agree. So I can—I can ask more of him. More protection. He couldn't say no to me, not now. I can find a safe place to stay— out of the dormitory, and finish my studies."
Remus and Sirius exchanged a look, and Severus ducked his head again. He would certainly take their opinion into consideration, but in the long run, his idea wasn't exactly bad. If Severus could stay somewhere other than the Slytherin dormitory, his safety would certainly be far less compromised. Mulciber and Avery would be especially interested in him this senior year, and Severus could no longer pretend he was interested in joining the Death Eaters—that would no longer convince them.
And he wanted to know Lily's opinion, too. Naturally, somehow her opinion outweighed anyone else's, but only because Lily knew Severus in a much deeper way than they did. That wasn't to say, of course, that they were important on different levels to him— after all, Severus knew that he would do his best to keep them all protected, and cared about them just as much. But Lily was Lily— and somehow, he thought that Remus and Sirius understood him. That they knew exactly what Severus meant when he mentioned Lily in that reverent tone.
They heard two knocks on the door, and seconds later James Potter stuck his head through the gap. Severus noticed that his eyes immediately went to Sirius and his hands on Severus' waist, and then to Remus holding Severus' hands as well. The contact, the intimacy— none of it really seemed to surprise Potter, for some reason.
"Hi, huh— can I come in?" he asked, strangely shy.
Remus stared at Severus as if asking permission, and Sirius was certainly doing the same. Severus rolled his eyes.
"Of course you can, Potter," he grumbled. After his encounter with Dumbledore, James Potter wasn't even that noticeable of a discomfort.
Potter hurried inside and closed the door gently behind him, probably trying not to draw the attention of Euphemia and Fleamont. He sat down next to them, again not even seeming to care about the closeness between Severus, Remus, and Sirius. And the other two, too, didn't move, or even make any mention of disguising how close they were before Potter arrived, which was odd, but Severus had other concerns.
"I heard— huh, I heard part of the conversation." Potter huffed. "I'm sorry." he muttered, in addition. Severus grimaced, not the least bit surprised. "It's—it's crazy, isn't it? That he's immortal?"
"I don't know if I'm surprised." Remus grumbled. "He's a dark wizard, no one should’ve expected him to play fair."
"But I think Snape is right." Potter muttered, looking at him with that infinite shyness. "About Dumbledore. He can demand whatever he wants, now. And the others—the others can't do anything with him that way. You do care, don't you?" he stared at Remus and Sirius with a smile. "About his safety."
"Of course we do, Jamie, but—" Sirius grumbled, a little annoyed, but Potter interrupted him.
"You won't be able to be with him at all times. I think having a safe place at Hogwarts, a place of his own—" Potter stared at him again. "—I think that's the best he could have."
Severus found himself sadly agreeing with James Potter, which was honestly terrible, and just because of that he didn't vocalise any sort of agreement, but obviously all of them knew full well what he thought about it. Remus and Sirius were still exchanging glances, and Severus caught himself childishly wanting to turn to face Sirius as well and see what he was thinking, because Remus' expression was clearly hesitant and fearful, but conformed.
"I still need to talk to Lily about it." Severus muttered, trying to dispel the dismayed expressions. "And I don't need to decide now, anyway."
Sirius sighed behind him, not relieved, but certainly less bitter, "I'd better think about it for a bit."
Potter arched his eyebrows, staring at Sirius with comical surprise.
"Is Sirius Black being rational? I almost can't believe it." he teased, and narrowly dodged the pillow Sirius tried to hit him with. "Hey, I wear glasses—"
"I don't give a shit, James." Sirius growled, "You deserved it!"
Remus sighed, staring at the two with a weariness that seemed to reflect years, and Severus couldn't control his laughter. James and Sirius, who had been arguing, immediately stopped to stare at him, both of them with different expressions: Sirius a little amazed at the easy laugh, and James surprised that he could laugh so freely like that.
"I think we should sleep." Remus muttered, getting up and helping Severus do the same. He held him firmly by the shoulders for a moment. "Don't decide now."
Severus smiled, nodding, "I'll think long and hard about it, I promise."
Remus and Severus retreated side by side, leaving only Sirius and James in the room. The moment the door closed, after Remus wished them both goodnight, James turned to Sirius with a small smile.
"You like them, Padfoot." he said, naturally, and the boy still sitting on the floor at his feet widened his eyes and stared at him as if his world was ending.
"What—"
"You like them so much that I think that love has transcended what you believe about love itself. It's gone beyond what you are." James murmured, more gently, and crouched down, stroking Sirius' hair with a soft hand. "Siri, you didn't know, did you? Lily mentioned— ah, well, she said that you always seemed to let your heart beat anywhere that was warm enough, and never found it again once Remus came along. You let your heart get lost when you got confused. But now you've found it, haven't you?"
"James—"
"I'm not going to say I can fully understand what it's like, to love two people." James smiled. "I'm not going to say that I didn't already know you liked Remus, and that I saw you starting to like Snape. And I won't even say that I would’ve kept it a secret for longer than this, even if I think you would rather find out on your own. Because Padfoot—Siri, when the war starts, I think you should know. I think you'd like to know."
Sirius' eyes filled with tears, and James noticed that his hands were shaking.
"Shush, it's going to be okay." James whispered, kneeling down in front of him. Sirius immediately hugged him, and he was still shaking. "Siri, it's going to be okay."
"I didn't know." his tone was overwhelming. "I didn't know—I didn't know, James, I didn't know—"
"It's going to be alright." James stroked his hair, and then squeezed the back of his neck firmly but gently.
"They don’t—James, they don’t—" Sirius sobbed, desolate. "I don't think they love me, I don't—Remus loves Severus, and Sevvy— Sevvy loves him, I know, I saw—"
"Hey, wait, wait." James let go of him a little, just enough to stare Sirius in the eye. "I walked into the room and Snape was between your legs, and your hands were on his waist, and Remus was holding him, but also looking at you. I don't think you have to worry about them loving you or not, Sirius. Regardless of what happens, you—you guys belong, don't you?"
Sirius blushed terribly, looking away, but James just laughed.
"I don't think Severus Snape would let someone he doesn't like touch him like that." James smirked. "And I don't think Remus would let someone touch what's his if he didn't approve of that person either. You know how he is."
"Possessive." Sirius nodded, and blushed even more.
"He was once like that with you." James nodded, finally sitting up. Sirius stared at him confused. "Just like you used to be that way with him. How could you not have noticed? Siri, Lily knows—my parents noticed!"
"Your parents?" Sirius almost screamed, and it seemed to James that he might faint. Sirius brought his hands to his face. "Oh no not that."
James laughed again, nodding, "My parents."
"Wait— does Lily know?" he lifted his head and removed his hands from his face, staring at James with a frown. "Since when are you and Evans close like this, anyway?"
It was James' turn to blush, and he shrugged, "We—well, you two were always with Snape, and we—we started talking. Peter was never—never there. I got lonely."
"Oh, Prongs— Pronggie—" Sirius grinned, a little maniacally.
"That's not about me!"
Sirius laughed.
"Oh, James, we're both such idiots." he grinned, looking more relaxed. "At least you only have Lily to worry about. I have two—a possessive werewolf and a moody black cat."
"I can't deny it." James grimaced, nodding as if he was veiling Sirius already. "Good luck."
"You really think they—?" Sirius stared at him, his eyes filled with hope and fear.
"I think you'd be surprised if you tried." James smiled, holding Sirius' hand gently. "And you're a Black, Siri. Blacks don't give up so easily."
Sirius sighed, laying his head on James' shoulder, smiling gently, still not looking very convinced, "Yeah. Yeah, who knows. But not now. Not—right now is not the time."
"Siri—"
"The war won't wait, I know. But Sevvy and Remus—they're important, Prongs. More than anything. I want to take my time—to show them I changed."
James smiled, nodding. They all knew, of course, that Sirius had changed—just look at him! But James could understand the hesitation, because he felt the same way about Lily.
"It's going to be okay, Siri." James murmured, and leaned his head on Sirius'. The two remained like that in silence for a good few minutes, and the night grew gentle.