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Ahn Go Eun first meets Kim Do Gi when she's not yet twenty and barely out of high school. She's already lost all of the innocence that a girl of her age should have, has already learned that goodness alone is not enough to protect you from all that is evil.
CEO Jang introduces them as Do Ki comes back from a shift, timesheet in hand ready to punch out.
"Ahn Go Eun is a new friend who will be working with us." CEO Jang tells him, nothing in the words to make it seem like anything out of the ordinary. "She's going to be our bookkeeper."
Kim Do Gi just nods, quiet as she later learns that he tends to be. There is an expression in his eyes, as he looks her over once, that Go Eun isn't quite sure how to interpret.
She learns later, that it is the way he looks at those who he has decided he must protect.
//
The work with Rainbow Taxi distracts Go Eun from the despair that threatens to drag her under, nagging at the edges of her consciousness as she tries her best to keep it at bay.
CEO Jang is like a kindly father figure, checking whether she's eaten her meals and keeping an eye on her. Engineer Choi and Engineer Park tease and annoy her, and despite herself, Go Eun begins to tease them back, nagging them about their duties. The other drivers are friendly, kind to her when they come to clock in or clock out or to hand over their receipts.
Kim Do Gi is one of the youngest of them, a man out of place somehow here in the taxi yard. He is quiet, barely trading a few words every time they meet, Eun Go would almost say he seems a little shy. He doesn't seem to mind when she chatters to him or nags him about getting more rest though. He listens, uncomplaining, and on some days he does what she wishes, taking himself home instead of back out to the streets again.
There are also days when he returns from the coffee machine with an extra cup in his hands for her, never saying anything about it. She thanks him and speaks about anything she can think of to make up for his silences, cajoling him into reacting. He doesn't smile, not really, but Go Eun thinks that there are times when his face softens, the corner of his mouth twitching slightly as if he would like to.
Go Eun has nowhere else to be, no one else to rely on except their motley crew.
That doesn't bother her though. She thinks that if she stays here long enough, she just might see him smile properly some day.
//
"You weren't always a taxi driver were you?"
"What makes you think that?" There's a glint of humour in his eyes as he answers her and Go Eun can't help her own answering smile to see it. They've come a long way in the six months since they met, if he can show her even that much emotion now.
She raises her eyebrows, it's clear to anyone who has eyes that Kim Do Gi was destined for something else. Go Eun knows it as clearly as she knows that there is something else he does for CEO Jang besides driving a taxi, that there is something they haven't seen fit to tell her yet.
"I was a soldier." He admits, looking away from her as he takes a sip of his coffee. "Special forces."
It makes sense, looking at him. He is always gentle and contained in the way that he approaches her, in the way that he acts with everyone at Rainbow Taxi. There is a strength in him that would be difficult to ignore though, a type of grace in the way he moves that Go Eun always knew hinted at another past.
"Why aren't you one anymore?" She asks, wondering if the question will be too much for him.
"My mother was killed." Kim Do Gi admits. This time he keeps his eyes on her, swallowing once before he continues. "After that... I couldn't anymore. CEO Jang took me in to work for him then."
"I was going to be a software engineer." Go Eun blurts out without thinking. "I was preparing for my entrance exams when my sister... she died. After that, I couldn't anymore either."
"It's good that CEO Jang brought you here." Kim Do Gi tells her gently. Go Eun knows it is because he understands without her ever needing to tell him about all the ways in which she is broken, that he is thinking once more about how she must be protected.
That's alright. Kim Do Gi may not realise it yet, but Go Eun has already decided that she must protect him too.
//
It is Go Eun who tells CEO Jang in no uncertain terms that she wants to be involved with whatever they are doing.
Kim Do Gi has come into work with a sizable bruise on his temple and a split lip, wincing when he walks, while the Engineers are skittish and whispering among themselves.
"You know my skills are wasted as a bookkeeper," Go Eun tells him confidently. "Whatever it is... I can help, I can help to keep you all safe."
CEO Jang looks at her for a minute as if he would like to refuse, as if he would like to deny that there is anything else going on at all. Go Eun knows him though, she knows that this plan was perhaps in his mind from the moment he suggested that she come here to work, that he was just waiting for her to be ready.
"We could use someone with your skills." CEO Jang admits, "It can be dangerous though, Go Eun. We'll make sure you're not put in harm's way, but we are up against some very bad people."
All the more reason for Go Eun to join them, where she can ensure for herself that she won't lose anyone else that she cares about.
//
It turns out that Go Eun has her work cut out for her in looking after the one who looks after everyone else.
Go Eun sees Kim Do Gi as he makes his way through life and knows it well, he'll work himself into exhaustion for whatever scrap of justice he can gain and believe that it's worth every scar it leaves on him. None of it makes him whole, but she sees his satisfaction at the end of a job well done and is grateful for what momentary peace it can bring him.
She wonders sometimes if the others see him as some type of superhero, in the way they assume that nothing bad could ever happen to him, that he's capable of overcoming the odds each and every time.
Go Eun knows that Kim Do Gi is capable of great things, she's never seen a better fighter than him and when he does speak up in their meetings, his plans are always brilliant. He's just a man though, no matter how impressive, and she is very aware that he pushes himself entirely too hard.
So Go Eun invites him to eat with her when she can and places the best slices of beef on his rice at team dinners. She presses him to rest more, to work less, and still knows that just like her he avoids closing his eyes for as long as possible due to the images he'll see behind them when he does.
"Have you eaten yet?" Go Eun always asks Kim Do Gi when he's there around lunch time, "Should we eat together?"
After the first few times she's asked him, Go Eun notices that Kim Do Gi begins to bring food from home, encouraging her to share it. Perhaps he's also noticed that she doesn't have the best habits when it comes to food, too many packets of instant noodles included in her diet.
She enjoys bantering with him, his gentle voice down the line as he seeks instructions or relays information. He bribes her with sweets and small gifts as if he thinks they would both believe that works, as if she wouldn't do anything that she could for him anyway without needing a reason at all. Their relationship is comfortable now, that of trusted colleagues and friends. They still address each other formally though, a polite shi attached to the end of her name, while Go Eun calls him by honorifics rather than using his name alone. He is Ahjusshi to her rather than Oppa to keep that distance between them, although the years between them are not so very many.
She thinks sometimes, of the small smile on his face that she has spotted from time to time when they speak. He hides it well, always, but she could never forget it once she had seen it. One day... she still hopes that she'll get to see him smile widely.
When the apartment below his becomes available it seems natural that she should take it, CEO Jang encouraging her to do so, 'So that you can look out for each other'. They are trusted colleagues and perhaps friends and they have been looking out for each other for longer than that tag has existed between them.
He takes her on drives sometimes, when neither of them can sleep and the city is quieter. The night breeze on her face and the sounds of others living their lives drifting to her through the air and there are times when Go Eun can think of nothing at all for an entire hour. Sometimes, lulled by the movement of the car, she falls asleep and doesn't dream. She wakes only in the early morning at Kim Do Gi pulls up in the lane next to their building to realise she feels rested, even as exhaustion hangs heavy upon him.
He protects her still, in every way he can.
It would be strange indeed if Go Eun were not to have any feelings for Kim Do Gi, when he is the person that he is. She tells herself that, when she worries about giving herself away. It's not love, Go Eun tells herself, because he still looks at her like someone he must protect and she needs to protect him too.
It's not love, but Go Eun knows that she would do anything at all for him, no matter what the cost might be to herself.
//
When the Rainbow Taxi team go their separate ways, Go Eun tries to convince herself that it's for the best.
It is over now, her justice and his, and she must go on with her life as if that is the way things should be. It has been a hell of a year, one in which all of her nightmares came back to haunt her, a year that Go Eun almost did not make it through. Her elder sister can rest in peace now, those who wronged her have received the justice they deserved. It is time for Go Eun to move on.
She's passed the civil service exams at last, and will be taking on her sister's dreams. Engineer Park and Engineer Choi will be going back to the lives they left, perhaps healed enough now by all they did to be able to remain there. CEO Jang will continue to help people where he can through the Blue Bird Foundation and Kim Do Gi... perhaps in traveling, in finally leaving behind their quest for revenge and all the violence bound up in it he will find his own peace.
That peace cannot be with her, Go Eun understands that.
She had been jealous of Kang Hana when she had thought that the prosecutor was flirting with Kim Do Gi but perhaps, somewhere she had also thought... maybe this is where he finds his happiness. Not with her, with too much grief and too many nightmares between them but with a woman who is strong enough to take his pain and finally turn it into something else.
Kang Hana had not been that woman in the end. The Prosecutor is moving on too, preparing to study overseas as she does her best to heal her own wounds.
Go Eun says goodbye to Kim Do Gi on the rooftop of their apartment building and she hopes, with all her heart, that he will live a life now that makes him happy. She hopes that he will look after himself when she is not there to do it.
Go Eun will not kid herself that he has ever seen her as more than one of the many people under his protection but for her, she understands her feelings clearly.
It had only been the memory of that gentle half smile, the memory of all that he had done for her that had given her the strength to crawl out from the misery she had been thrust into once again. Go Eun knows that this is more than a simple crush, that she loves him truly and will do so for the rest of her life.
There is a dream there, of one day in the future when they are both healed and happy and ready to meet once more. A dream that Go Eun cannot quite let go of.
She is ready if that does not happen though, she is ready to see Kim Do Gi in the street one day, happy and well and no longer haunted and to think he really has left it all behind at last.
//
They all find their way back to each other in the end, to Rainbow Taxi where they belong. Go Eun thinks it's funny, now that she's tried normal life it's only convinced her even more that she has made the right choice to devote herself to the type of justice that can't be found elsewhere.
It is so easy to fall back into the same patterns with all of them once more. To have CEO Jang smile at them in his fatherly way or gently suggest a course of action. To joke and laugh and nag Engineer Park and Engineer Choi as they call her a demon, as she presses them to do better.
And there again after all this time is Kim Do Gi, that small almost smile on his face as he looks at her, that gentleness in his voice. Nothing has changed between them, not really. He was always sweet to her, even before, there is nothing to make Go Eun think that his feelings have changed in any way.
She has changed though, now that she has tried to live a normal life and realised that it is pointless without a mission to strive for, without the people she cares about to live for.
She is not going to kid herself anymore. Her feelings are love, but it is not one that Go Eun has to fulfill. It is enough to be here with their small family again, it is enough to try her best to protect Kim Do Gi who protects them all.
Kim Do Gi is not an idiot though, and Go Eun thinks that he would have to be not to know exactly how she feels when it all seems so obvious in her own eyes. She would do anything that he asked and he's well aware of that, using it to his advantage when he needs to ask for a favour for one of their missions.
Go Eun is a fool whose heart flutters for a simple smile, but oh is it good to be one again.
No, there is no way that Kim Do Gi cannot know the effect that he has on her. If he has chosen not to act despite that, then Go Eun has to respect his choice. She would prefer to live with this yearning than to compromise the bond between them in any way.
And then Kim Do Gi almost dies.
//
It's not even only once. Twice in the space of a span of weeks and both times, Go Eun finds herself running blindly, desperate to save him.
The first time, he tackles her to the ground before she can reach the flames. It is a lucky thing that he reached her in time because only he could have stopped her, nothing else could have.
The second time he almost dies, she holds him tightly to her, shielding him as cars pass within a hair's breadth, as if her own small body could do anything to protect them, screaming for him to wake up so that she can get him to safety.
It is enough to make Go Eun hope that Kim Do Gi won't remember it when he wakes up. She doesn't know if she could bear it if he were to understand the full force of her desperation in that moment. She doesn't know if they could make their way back from that, if he were to remember it properly.
When the mission finally ends, CEO Jang declares that they need a break to recover from everything they've been through, that they will regroup when they are strong again.
She has just moved her things back into her old apartment once more, recovered after On Ha Joon's death. There's not too much for Go Eun to move, apart from her computer equipment and books, but the entire team helps her out. They rent a moving van and unload the boxes for her, carrying them up the stairs and setting them out where she requests. Go Eun treats them to barbecue afterwards and they sit together, laughing as they grill the meat.
It is the perfect way to end their recent case, one they almost all did not return from, the perfect way to start returning everything back to its proper place.
It's late in the evening by the time they pack up, the others saying their farewells as they head downstairs to make their way home. Kim Do Gi lingers with the excuse that he doesn't have far to go, stacking up the paper plates to throw them in the garbage, collecting their glasses to take to the sink. He is just finishing as Go Eun turns back to him from the doorway, her mouth open to ask if he'll be leaving now too.
He stands there in her kitchen looking at her, knuckles against his chin and thumb pressed to his bottom lip, and without any conscious thought, Go Eun allows the front door to close.
"Do you want to stay for tea before you go upstairs?" She asks, suddenly nervous.
Do Gi nods, using the time it takes her to prepare tea to make his way over to the unopened boxes, cutting the tape on the first one to pry it open and reaching inside. Go Eun glances over at him, wondering if he doesn't plan to go home until it's all done. She has no doubt at all that if she was to ask him to come back again the next day to help her that he would.
By the time Go Eun brings their mugs over, Do Gi is removing the bubble wrap from a picture frame. He places the photo carefully on the side table, turning back to Go Eun to check that it's in the right place. She gives him a nod and holds the mug out, hovering just slightly out of reach once he's taken it.
"Go Eun-sshi." Kim Do Gi begins, a gentle weight upon her name. "How are you feeling, now that everything is over?"
Go Eun does her best to keep her shrug nonchalant. "It was the largest scale mission that we've ever handled. I won't pretend that I wasn't worried, it's a relief to be able to relax at last."
Do Gi nods, looking down at his tea. "You almost died this time. Somehow... you kept ending up in danger. Because of me."
"How is it because of you?" Go Eun asks, recognising that tone, that quiet worry. "What we do is dangerous, just because I spend most of my time in the van it doesn't mean I'm not willing to risk my life too."
When Go Eun looks at Do Gi she realises that this is more than simple worry, more than one colleague checking up on another. Kim Do Gi is troubled and choosing his words carefully.
"I remember... what happened after they drugged me at the Black Sun club." Do Gi continues slowly. "If Engineer Choi and Engineer Park hadn't blocked the car from hitting us with the van, then you would've died alongside me." He looks up, eyes meeting hers with a heartrending sincerity. "Don't do that please, Go Eun-sshi. Don't try to sacrifice your life to protect mine again."
It's on the tip of Go Eun's tongue to dismiss it, to make a joke out of things as she normally would so that they can go on together as normal.
"Why shouldn't I?" Go Eun finds herself asking him instead. "You would do it for me, I know you would. Why aren't I allowed to protect you?"
"That's different." Do Gi argues, though there's no bite in his tone. "That's my..."
"Your job? Your responsibility?" Go Eun asks. "Why is it only you alone, trying to protect us all? You're not a superhero, if you get caught in an explosion or hit by a car you can die just like any of us could. Why can't I protect you?"
Do Gi is quiet, looking at her. Go Eun knows that he has too much respect for her to argue with the truth of her words, or to try and convince her that he's invulnerable.
There's only a beat and then he sighs, reaching out a hand to ghost it over her hair. "And how would I be supposed to go on, if something happened to you?"
"And how do you think I would go on, if something happened to you?" Go Eun asks in return, her voice catching. "I barely managed to survive after Eonnie's death. If anything were to happen to you... You might not know this, but I..."
"I know." Do Gi cuts her off quickly before correcting himself. "I think I know. Go Eun-sshi, I'm not..."
"There have been times..." Go Eun cuts him off in turn, "When it was only you that brought me out of the darkness. The times when I almost lost myself and needed a reminder of why I must return. If you really do know... then you understand why I would risk my life for you."
"I'm not..." Kim Do Gi releases his words on a shaky sigh. "I'm not the right man for that, I don't want you to be in danger because of me. With you, it's better if I keep some distance."
"I wasn't going to ask you to do anything about how I feel." Go Eun tells him simply, even as she quashes down the disappointment that rises in her to hear him dismiss the idea of them so clearly. "I never thought that you might, even if you did know. Don't tell me that you're not worth me risking my life for though, you don't get to decide that. I decided, a very long time ago, that I would protect you in every way that I could. That I would look after you while you looked after us. It's what has kept me going all these years so don't tell me... don't tell me that I can't do that anymore. That's part of who I am."
A girl who would run into the flames out of grief without any thought to her own safety. A girl who would run headlong into traffic to wrap her slim arms around his body as if they could provide any type of protection.
Why shouldn't she, when he would do the same for her a hundred times over?
They stare at each other, there in her kitchen with the half opened boxes surrounding them and their tea untouched and cooling rapidly. There is no going back from here and for the first time, Go Eun is afraid. Kim Do Gi has been a steady presence in her life ever since they met, if he were to turn away from her...
"I don't need you to do anything." Go Eun repeats, her voice rising in her anxiety. "I don't need you to feel that way about me. Ignore it if you need to, pretend that you don't know. Let's go on as we always have."
There is a tick in Kim Do Gi's cheek as he looks at her, the effort of remaining still in his place showing in the whiteness of his knuckles against his thigh.
"What if..." he flattens his hand out against his leg once more, foot pivoting to the side slightly as if he's preparing himself to make a sudden move. "What if I do feel that way about you? Then what should I do?"
It knocks Go Eun back, that trace of nervousness in his expression, that it could be her that makes him vulnerable. She isn't quite prepared for this, she has never quite allowed herself to think this far ahead, or to imagine a future in which her feelings were returned.
But Go Eun has known for years that she would do anything to protect Kim Do Gi, that she would give anything at all for the chance to see him happy. So she gathers her courage and takes the step forward that he won't allow himself to.
"Whether you and I are together or not, we'll still be in danger." Go Eun takes another step forward. "I think that you should allow yourself to be loved and to be happy. I think... that's what they would want for both of us."
It's him that reaches out this time to take her hand in his, him that reaches out to cup her face with his other hand, to lean forward slowly so that he can measure her reaction before he bridges the gap to kiss her. He's gentle, cautious, as if worried that he might scare her if he moves too fast.
Go Eun tangles her fingers with his and leans into the kiss, brings her other hand up to grasp his jacket. This much at least, she can handle without any hesitation. When Do Gi pulls away, his forehead bumps hers, his nose brushing across her cheek. There's a great deal of tenderness in his expression when he looks down at her, that same soft smile that she's always lived for.
"I think I should go home." He tells her a little unsteadily, "Unless you..."
"Unless I?" There is a moment where Go Eun holds her breath.
"Unless you'd like me to stay and help you unpack so that it gets done faster." Do Gi finishes, eyes flicking to the boxes around them. "If we finish it today then I could take you out somewhere tomorrow."
A date. A real honest date where they're only themselves. Suddenly Go Eun has all the energy in the world to keep unpacking.
//
When the last of the boxes has been unpacked, everything put approximately in the right place, Kim Do Gi says goodnight to return to his own apartment.
They're awkward by the doorway as he hesitates, until Go Eun decides the matter for him and stands on her tiptoes to place a quick kiss upon his lips.
She sees him smile before he can hide it, hand coming up to hastily hide his mouth before he takes it away. "Come up to my place for breakfast in the morning, Go Eun-sshi." Do Gi tells her. "I know you don't have any food yet."
"You're a better cook than me anyway." Go Eun jokes before nodding. "I'll message you when I'm coming."
He nods in return and with a last half smile to her, takes himself home as Go Eun leans against the door, heart beating wildly.
//
When he ushers her inside the next morning, Go Eun's heartbeat is still not under control. She had lain awake for a long time the night before, thinking it over, wondering just where they would go from here.
To breakfast apparently, and a date of some sort afterwards.
Go Eun helps to take banchan to the table as it is passed to her, taking a seat when instructed to as Do Gi fries eggs for them. They are both a little shy, a little nervous, but when he sits down in front of her at last, Go Eun places the items she knows that he likes onto his rice and nudges his ankle with her toes.
The smile that Do Gi gives her is wider than any she's seen before, almost a proper one, almost full. He's the same man that he was yesterday, as reliable and sweet as ever, the only difference now is that if Go Eun wants to she can hold his hand or pull him close to kiss him.
It might be a little early for that for both of them though, Go Eun knows that they are going to have to take things by degrees here. So Go Eun chatters instead as she usually would, about how good it had been to be back in her old apartment once more, like coming home after some time away.
She catches a quirk of Do Gi's lips from time to time as he reacts or asks questions about the differences with where she had been living or what things she might still need to set up the apartment properly.
"We should go to buy groceries for you today." He comments as they wash up the dishes together, "It will be easier to get the bigger items with the car."
"Is that where you were planning to take me out today?"
Do Gi lets out a light scoff. "I would hope I could do better than that. Why don't we go for a drive and see where we end up?"
//
They end up at the East Sea, arriving just in time for lunch.
It's near the end of winter now, still far too cold to go in the water, but that doesn't mean that there aren't things for them to do here. They eat grilled seafood at a small restaurant, Go Eun bemoaning that they won't be able to have soju alongside when they need to drive back.
"You can drink if you want to." Do Gi tells her, "I'm fine if you do."
"I wouldn't want to drink alone." Go Eun tells him and it's there somewhere in the back of her mind, a day when they might drink here together because they don't plan to make the drive back home again that day.
One day, she thinks, when they're both ready for that.
After lunch they go for a walk on the beach and Go Eun hesitates only a little before she reaches out to take Do Gi's hand. It's warm and solid in hers, fingers tangling together without a barrier of gloves between them. It is a different feeling, to know that she has a hand to hold now if she wants one. It's something that Go Eun hasn't experienced since she was in high school, a comfort she didn't realise she'd missed.
It is peaceful to walk like this and when Do Gi tugs on her hand slightly, telling her to pause, Go Eun looks up at him with an expectant smile.
"Go Eun-sshi, can I kiss you?" Do Gi asks, ever cautious when it comes to her and Go Eun nods. When he leans down to her he is gentle, tender, careful hands cupping her face. Go Eun kisses him back, her own hands trembling, legs barely able to hold her up, smiling all the while.
//
They take things at their own pace, which means that they proceed very slowly.
Go Eun hasn't dated since high school, the trauma of what happened to Eonnie making her reluctant to risk it. Do Gi, when she asks him, admits that the last time he dated anyone was before his mother's death. They are both in agreement that they will take things by small degrees.
It is obvious how Do Gi was raised by his mother in the way he continues to approach her, always respectful and gentle and sweet. It's such a contrast to what Go Eun knows he's capable of that it still takes her breath away.
"Are you always going to say my name so formally?" She teases as they wash up the dishes together after dinner, nudging him with her hip. "We've been dating for more than a month now."
"You still call me Driver Kim Do Gi at work." he points out humorously. "Besides, if I was to suddenly start calling you Go Eun-ah, I think everyone would catch on quite quickly."
They had decided at the beginning not to tell the others yet, not when everything is still so new. Go Eun knows that when their team does eventually find out they'll be subjected to teasing for days if not weeks and for now she wants them to settle into this together by themselves instead.
It is surprisingly easy to conceal their relationship, although she expects that living in the same building helps immensely. At work they behave themselves, Do Gi would probably prefer to fight ten men than to abandon his courtesy to engage in public displays of affection, even if the way that he looks at her tempts Go Eun entirely too much at times.
"Should I start calling you Oppa then?" She suggests cheekily and watches as his face colours slightly, leading him to look away for a moment before he responds.
"Maybe you could at home." Do Gi replies, his expression both embarrassed and pleased, and Go Eun can't help her answering grin before she stands on her toes to reach him for a kiss.
"Maybe you can try too then, when we're at home."
"Go Eun-ah." He calls her, the name falling warmly from his lips, and Go Eun feels a fluttering in her stomach, a blush in her cheeks as she looks up at him.
It's Do Gi, who bends down to kiss her then.
//
They have been dating for three months before they take things further.
It's a wonder that they last as long as that, Go Eun thinks that it could have been the first week itself if not for wounds that still have some way to heal. They are constantly in and out of each other's houses, to the point where she's sure the only thing stopping them from living together properly is that they haven't yet shared a bed.
They've taken this time to know each other properly, to talk about everything they wish to as they trade kisses and caresses, stories of happier times and darker times and when they had missed each other in between. Go Eun has learned that he likes to remove the clip from her hair, to see it fall around her shoulders and comb his fingers through the strands.
Today they sit on his couch to watch a movie, his arm curled around her shoulders, legs touching from thigh to toe under the blanket he's draped over them. The volume is low and they are both only half watching, distracted by the nearness of each other and everything they would prefer to concentrate on.
"My mother would have loved you." Do Gi tells her then, with no preamble, and Go Eun wonders if it has been there in his mind for some time, waiting to be said. "She would have pampered you if I'd brought you home, she would have loved you as much as I do."
The corners of Go Eun's eyes sting, and she reaches out for his opposite hand, not quite ready to look him in the face. "My sister... might have wanted you to prove yourself at first, but she would have approved once she got to know you. She would have felt relieved to know that I had someone like you to rely on."
Do Gi kisses the crown of her head, his breath soft against her hair, and Go Eun leans into him.
They will never really know what might have been possible in that other life where his mother would have pampered her, and where Do Gi would have needed to earn her sister's approval. They have this life though, and Go Eun doesn't intend to let it go.
She tilts her own face up, hand on Do Gi's cheek to bring his down to meet her. A soft kiss to begin and then she opens her mouth to him, as his arm tightens around her shoulders before he reaches out with the other to tug her onto his lap.
Knees to either side of his thighs, Go Eun presses herself to him and thinks deeper, more, everything as their kisses become more heated, as Do Gi holds her to him. It would be impossible not to know how much he does want her from where she sits, and Go Eun rocks forward, teeth scraping his lip slightly as he stifles a moan.
Do Gi won't ask her though, he won't push things between them unless Go Eun has given him a very clear signal to go ahead. There is a part of him, she is very sure, that even now is thinking of how badly the trauma of her sister's treatment and death affected her, of how he found her sobbing and terrified in that warehouse, and the way he had held her afterwards, the blood of her attacker still on his hands, less than a step away from madness before she pulled him back.
It is a complicated thing, to take things further between them because of those memories, but while Go Eun might be nervous, she is not afraid. Never with him, not when she knows he would burn the whole world to protect her.
Go Eun pulls back, her hands framing his face and tells Do Gi clearly. "I'm not afraid."
"Are you sure?" He asks, breath coming unevenly, hands settled on her hips as he looks back at her earnestly. "There's no hurry to do anything, we have all the time in the world."
"I'm sure," Go Eun tells him, "What about you?"
"I am a little afraid." Do Gi admits, lips quirking up slightly to admit it. "I don't want it to make you think of bad things or to hurt you in any way."
"I'll only think of you," Go Eun promises him, "There's nothing to be afraid of when it's me and you."
He is so very gentle when he lays her down on the bed, the way he places his hands and lips on her, as if he's afraid to hold on too tightly in case it scares her.
It is what Go Eun needs, when it comes to being loved, even without having known it herself.
There might be a day in future where they dig their nails into each other's skin, where he leaves her as sore as he does satisfied, but today Do Gi trembles slightly when he touches her, gasps when she places her hands on the warm planes of his stomach, when she hesitantly glides them up to his chest.
It's been awhile for him and never for her, they are both nervous in their wanting. They fumble at each other, both hesitant, but when he kisses her, arms curving around her to hold her close, the sensation is sweet and heady.
Go Eun has never felt so safe before, so protected.
Go Eun is no expert, but she thinks that it is as good as a first time can possibly be. With the time that Do Gi had taken to ensure she was ready it hadn't hurt at all and it had felt... oh it had felt... She's already looking forward to trying again, to learning just what they can do with each other when they're both more sure of themselves.
When they're ready to sleep, Do Gi wraps his arms around her tightly, then loosens them as if afraid it might be asking for too much to have him hold her, there in his narrow bed. Go Eun grasps a fistful of his shirt and pulls him closer, burrows her head under his chin and breathes him in.
"Hold me as tightly as you want." she tells him, "Hold me in exactly the way you wish to."
The reassurance that he needs given, Do Gi gathers her close and does not let go.
//
They only make it a month more before the others find out.
It's a small slip, Do Gi calling her 'Go Eun-ah,;' down the radio as they sign off from the mission and suddenly their van is screeching over to the side of the road, Engineer Choi and Engineer Park pulling the curtain separating them back to stare at her.
Go Eun does her best to give them an innocent look in return. "Is there something wrong with the van?"
"I just heard..."
She might have been able to bluff her way out of it just then, if not for Kim Do Gi's taxi screeching to a stop as he realises they're no longer following, He hurtles it backwards in reverse to reach them in a matter of seconds, pulling up in front of them before he climbs out, hurrying over.
"Did something happen?"
"We should be asking you that, you just called her 'Go Eun-ah'," Engineer Choi points out. "You never do that."
"And to be honest, there's been a few other things that we've noticed recently." Engineer Park adds, peering at Do Gi through the side window. "Has something happened with you two?"
"That's right, we're dating." Do Gi announces nonchalantly as Go Eun gapes at him from the back of the van.
"And you were keeping it from us?" Engineer Choi asks, his tone of voice hurt.
It is CEO Jang's laughter that echoes down the line then. "Who did you think you were both fooling? I knew it from the beginning. Get back to the house now and let's celebrate with a meal."
"Take me back with you in the taxi or they'll pester me the whole way." Go Eun begs, opening the door of the van quickly and jumping out, hurrying over to his side.
Do Gi just smiles down at her before he touches her back slightly, directing her towards the taxi. With a last cheeky grin in the direction of their two comrades, Go Eun climbs into the front passenger seat beside him.
//
There is nothing fundamental that changes in their Rainbow Taxi team with the revelation of Go Eun and Do Gi's relationship. CEO Jang is approving and fatherly, while Choi Kyung Gu and Park Jin Eon take every opportunity to gently tease them.
There is still justice to seek and revenge to be taken, Go Eun in the back of her van and Do Gi in his taxi as they carry out their missions. If Do Gi is hurt on a mission then it is her right to patch him up now, to check on his recovery and remind him to take his medicine. These days Go Eun finds that dark thoughts come to her more seldom, that it is easier to focus on the happy memories of her sister instead. It's much easier to sleep without nightmares when they curl up in the same bed together, arms around each other, both of them now sleeping until morning now more often than not. On the nights where one of them can't, when the past rises up to overwhelm them, there is comfort now to see them through it.
"Go Eun-ah," Do Gi calls her these days, a wide smile on his face as he says it, the type of smile that Go Eun had once dreamed of seeing there.
Do Gi still looks at her like someone that he must protect but that's alright, it's alright because now Go Eun knows all of the ways in which she protects him too.