Chapter Text
(If you are reading this on any PAY site this is a STOLEN WORK, the author has NOT Given Permission for it to be here. If you're paying to read it, you're being cheated too because you can read it on Archiveofourown for FREE. IF its on AO3 under AnonEhouse, that's fine, that's me. Also, translation and pod-fic done by other fans on free sites is also fine.)
"All right, this time I can see it's not your fault," Nanny Crowley told the cringing tomato plants. Aziraphale had come to him almost in tears.
"It was such a NICE idea, having our own tomatoes without all the poisons and chemicals in the ones the grocer stocks," Arizaphale had said before he took 'Nanny' out to survey the damage. "They were fine yesterday, just blooming with health and they had the cutest little baby tomatoes..."
"And they also had the cutest baby caterpillars," Crowley said, looking in irritation at the fat green striped caterpillars voraciously eating the plants, tender leaves, new stalks and even biting holes in the tiny tomatoes. "Why in the name of... well, gardening... didn't you get rid of them?"
Aziraphale wrung his hands. "I didn't mind SHARING. I thought they would be butterflies. I could spare some leaves for butterflies. But they're not leaving me ANYTHING."
"I'll take care of them," Crowley said. "If it's any comfort, I suspect they'd be moths. Go on, you don't want to see this."
After Aziraphale left to go do something or other with the Young's shrubbery, Crowley looked at the caterpillars. "It's not a nanny's job," he muttered before shifting into his snake form and began picking the caterpillars off with his tongue and eating them. "Not bad," he thought to himself. "Picked up a bit of toxin, eh? Spicy."
"Nanny! Nanny, I've brought a friend I'd like you to.... oooh, there's that snake again," Adam said, as he came up, soft-footed over the freshly turned garden soil.
Crowley hissed in irritation. Every time Adam had seen him as a snake he tried to catch Crowley. There was some talk about feeding him white mice. Crowley didn't like mice, the fur made his throat itch.
"Good morning," the boy with Adam said. Said it in parseltongue, which was such a surprise that Crowley hissed back, "No, it's not, these blasted caterpillars are a nuisance."
"Have you tried cigarette ends water?" the boy hissed politely.
"Harry, you've got a lisp," Adam said. "Are you sick?"
Distracted by Harry, Adam took his eyes off Crowley who took advantage of it to slither behind a bush and turn back into Nanny.
Good day, young sir," Crowley said. There was something odd about this boy. A hint of evil... "Excuse me, dear, but you have something on your face." Crowley took out his lace-edged handkerchief (Nanny style) and wiped at the black lightning mark on the boy's forehead.
Harry gasped and staggered as the black was sucked off into the cloth.
"Harry!" Adam hurried to grasp Harry's shoulders and help him steady himself. "What's wrong?"
"A touch of sun, no doubt," Crowley said, while keeping a firm grip on the writhing handkerchief. "Take him inside and give him a cup of tea. I'm sure he'll be fine."
Once the boys were out of sight Crowley examined the black stain. "Nasty. What you were doing in the boy was CHEATING. Now, cheating is fine, as a rule, but when you get caught, you take the punishment." Crowley picked up an exceptionally large caterpillar and pressed the cloth onto it. The caterpillar turned black and tried to bite Crowley.
Crowley smirked. "You need bigger teeth than that." He put the caterpillar down on a flagstone and stepped on it firmly. There was a silent scream of hate and general nastiness. "Give my regards to the boys in hell, whoever you were."
Then Crowley turned back to the tomato plants. All the caterpillars had frozen in place, their heads turned to watch him. "Fine. After seeing that rotter, you aren't so bad." He concentrated for a moment, and the caterpillars all turned into green butterflies.
He folded up his now spotless handkerchief and went to tell Aziraphale about the butterflies.