Work Text:
11:27 PM, February 14th
Bradley grumbles sitting up from the couch. The house is dark and quiet, except for the sounds of Bradley’s bare feet pattering against the hardwood, and then tile, as he makes his way into the kitchen. He rubs the sleepiness from his eyes before beginning to wash the dishes, dreading the idea of having to do them in the morning.
Things were different after the mission. The squadron is closing out a generous amount of time off granted by the persuasion of Lieutenant Pete Mitchell. Or Dad, as he has taken to occasionally calling him. They were slow to pick up their relationship, there was a lot to fix and a lot to piece back together. But it has been working. Bradley smiles, not a bad way to spend Valentine’s Day all things considered, he thinks. He had Mav and Penny over and he cooked for them. It was nice, a little awkward at times but tolerable, more than tolerable. He’s happy for them. He can’t think of many reasons not to be happy himself.
Bradley continues to smile, washing and drying dishes. Until a loud thump at his door draws him back to reality. Bradley jumps at the impact almost dropping the plate in his hand. Was someone at his door? He squints at the wall clock, at this hour? It didn’t sound as much as a knock as much as it was just one singular impact. He dries his hands and slides his fingers through his hair pushing the curls back and looks down at himself just in boxers and a wife beater. He considers putting clothes on, but decides he’ll check first. He mumbles to himself annoyed as he patters over to his door, flipping the switch for his porch light and peering through the peep hole.
No one is there. Bradley pivots as much as he can but can’t catch a glimpse of anyone. It would be strange to be ding dong ditched in a neighborhood that’s mostly Navy, but not impossible he thinks. He steps back to turn around.
“Can yous’ turn off that light, is’ too bright.” He hears a voice from outside.
What the fuck? He thinks, turning back to the door and throwing it open.
“Holy shit.” He can’t help but say. “Hangman?” Bradley rubs his eyes as if it might cause him to wake up from whatever dream he is experiencing, but to no avail. The blonde, disheveled pilot lays on his porch just to the side of the door. Invisible from the point of view of the peephole.
“What the hell are you doing here?” He says annoyed. “Do you have any idea what time it is?”
“Matter o’ fact, I don’t.” The man responds, words slurring together.
“It’s almost midnight.” Bradley says blankly.
“Sorry Rooster, I’ll get out of your…” He pauses, “hair? Nest?” He says as he begins to stand, pulling himself up by the porch railing.
Jake takes one step towards the porch stairs before stumbling over himself. “Like hell you are.” Bradley says, quickly saddling up against the other man catching him. He puts an arm around Jake’s waist and begins to guide him inside and towards the couch. “Come into the drunk tank.” Bradley grimaces.
“Knew I could count on you.” Jake says quietly, letting himself be guided. Guilt crawls up Bradley at those words.
Slowly, one step at a time he maneuvers the large pilot towards his living room and down onto his couch. He eases Jake down onto the cushions where Jake very overtly lets his hands run down Bradley’s bare biceps and forearms as he settles.
“Jeez Bradshaw, when did you get so strong?” He slurs. Bradley immediately blushes and feels underdressed as he stares back at the man who is in jeans and a t-shirt, and a flannel barely dangling from his arms.
“You’re drunk, let me get you some water.” He has to turn away, Jake’s gaze is heavy as it wanders over his skin. He walks away before Jake can speak.
Things were still weird with Jake but, he thinks, when were things ever not weird with Jake. He enters back into the kitchen, fishing a glass from the cupboard filling it from the faucet. He turns around and looks at the back of the man’s head laying against the back of the couch. Bradley swallows hard as he walks back. He doesn’t hate the man, he doesn’t think he ever did, but he can’t anymore even if he did. Jake saved his life, and Mav’s. That had to count for something. But they had yet to discuss much of it in the month since, mostly leaving those words unsaid. Mainly slipping back into whatever they had in the days leading up to the mission.
“Drink this, please.” Bradley says with a small smile. The man begins to take quick gulps from the glass.
“Now this takes me back.” Jake says after clearing his throat, still jumbled from inebriation. He sets the glass on the end table.
Bradley sits on the floor, crossing his legs and staring up at Jake. What was he going to do with the oversized man child on his couch? Let Jake crash, he supposes. He sighs stealing a glance from the other pilot. It has been a long time, years at least since they’ve shared a moment of silence. Bradley doesn’t think he likes it much. A ray of silver moonlight streams through a window, finding its landing spot reflecting off something on Jake’s face.
“Jake?” Bradley says as Jake turns his face. “Are you crying?”
“Think men aren’t supposed to cry or somethin’?” He says frustratedly, quickly wiping the moisture from his cheeks.
“That’s not what I meant, and you know that. Are you okay? I still don’t know what you’re doing here.” Bradley chuckles in disbelief. “Besides being piss drunk.”
“Fuck you Bradshaw,” he spits. “I didn’t want to drive, and you were the only person in walking distance. Don’t flatter yourself.”
The answer hurts more than it should. Bradley wasn’t sure what response he was hoping for, but he’s not surprised that he’d be Jake’s last choice. That’s just how things are.
“Well, fuck you too Seresin.” He bites back.
“I never should’ve come here,” Jake says lowly, sounding slightly more sober, “I should just leave.”
“You know I’m not gonna let you do that.” Bradley says empathetically.
Jake grumbles and rolls his eyes, “always the mother hen.”
“Yeah, something like that.” Bradley says slumping down.
They sit in silence for a while. Bradley stares up at Jake, who stares off into the dark never letting their eyes meet. Occasionally Jake reaches up to aggressively swipe a tear from his cheek. Even when he’s drunk Bradley can’t help but be taken by the man, the way his always pristine hair slumps slightly across his forehead. The size too small t-shirt hugging every muscle of his torso. Braley shakes further thoughts from his head.
Jake begins to sniffle, breaths growing hitched. Bradley can’t figure it out, he thought Jake was doing alright after the mission. He mostly gets updates from Nat and Javy, but he wasn’t aware of anything to bring this on. Did Valentine’s Day not go well? But Bradley never knew Jake to have any problems in that department either. He almost lets it go, almost.
“Alright if you’re sobering up in my house you have to tell me what’s going on, new rule.”
Jake glances over at Bradley but quickly averts his gaze when their eyes meet, his lip quivers slightly. “You think under different circumstances we could’ve made us work?”
Oh. Oh. Bradley immediately goes cold, his throat dries, cold palms that urge him to run. ‘Us’ was not a word Bradley had heard Jake used to describe the two of them since, well, since flight school. There barely was an ‘Us’ even back then he thinks. They had never put a label on it, it didn’t last long enough. They were barely adults falling into broom closets together away from the prying eyes of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. Just needy hands and lips taking opportunities when they could. And when they graduated that was it, mostly.
“That was a long time ago Hangman.” It was pre-Hangman, Bradley thinks.
“Can you answer the question?” Jake says more aggressively.
“Jake,” Bradley pauses, averting his eyes. “No, I don’t think we could’ve.” Bradley isn’t sure if it’s the truth or not but it’s the answer he feels comfortable giving.
“It’s not fair.”
Bradley shakes his head. “What’s not fair? Gotta help me out here Hangman.”
“Are we just not supposed to be happy?” Jake babbles. “I’ve given my life to this country, my whole fucking life!” He shouts. “Shouldn’t I get a chance to be happy? Or are we all s’pose to turn out old and miserable like Maverick?”
“Maverick is turning things around Jake.” He says defensively. “He’s found someone, a reason to be happy.”
Jake crosses his arms. “Well, fuck me then. Good for him.” He waves his hand dismissively.
“Jake you could’ve taken home anyone you wanted from whatever bar you drank yourself under the table at if you really needed company.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” Jake says plainly.
“I guess not.” Bradley throws his hands up in frustration, “you’ll have to enlighten me.”
“It’s not about company.” Jake says with a mocking tone on the last word.
Bradley scoff. “Well then what is it, Jake? Couldn’t get your dick wet on Valentine’s Day so you figure I’m the only person that would put up with you drunk at this hour?” Bradley says with the intent to hurt, barely aware of the words that come from his lips. But the other man seems to resign to them, putting a stoic expression on his face.
“I don’t think I ever stopped caring about you.” Jake says after a pause.
All the growing rage and annoyance in Bradley is tamped down by the words. The fight leaving him in an instant. He’d think Jake was fucking with him, but he didn’t seem in much condition to be scheming. “Jake you’re drunk.”
“Yeah? You think so? Maybe I am, but maybe you’re just a prick.”
Bradley laughs. “I’m so sorry Jake that I haven’t realized sooner” Bradley says dripping with sarcasm. “All the insults and bringing up my dead father. All the times we almost came to blows over the dumbest shit. Most of them being your fault might I add. How could I be so foolish not to notice?”
“You’re not as smart as I always thought if that’s what you think.”
“Fuck you, Jake.”
“I saved your life, asshole!” He shouts back, a tear flowing down his face.
“Oh yeah, Jake Seresin always gotta be the hero.” He says rolling his eyes and standing. “You really want me to believe you did all that because you care?”
Jake laughs through tears, “I’d do it again even if no one ever knew.”
“Bullshit.” Bradley says instinctually, but he looks back at the other man. Small on the couch, smaller than Bradley thinks he has ever seen Jake. Tears staining his cheeks, he doesn’t look like he’s lying.
“Believe whatever you want.” Jake grumbles, moving to lie down across the couch.
The fight has seemingly left Jake as well as he slowly maneuvers himself to lie down. Bradley wishes he could take back what he said, seeing the other man clearly trying to mask whatever pain he is feeling. “Christ, I’m sorry Jake. I didn’t mean to say all that.” He pleads kneeling where the other man’s head is.
“Whatever man.”
Bradley thinks for a moment. “What can I do to make it up to you?”
“Really?”
“’Course.”
“Tell me you still care.” Jake says, his green eyes peering seriously back at him. Bradley lets a small breath escape unintentionally.
“Jake I…” He pauses looking down to the floor. “I- I- …”
“Just say it Rooster, lie to me if you have to.” Tears fall openly down his face.
“Jake.” He stands and sits on the couch, lifting the other man’s head and setting it in his lap. “Of course, I care about you.” He swallows hard. “What you did for me means the world, you wouldn’t have anywhere to sober up if not for that.” He says trying for a joke.
Jake smiles and closes his eyes expelling the remaining tears, “hold me like you used to?”
Bradley takes in a sharp inhale, he should say no. What they’re doing now is already blurring the lines of the walls they had erected between one another.
“Yeah, sure.” Bradley says breathily.
They shift slightly awkwardly as they reposition on the couch. Bradley lying with Jake on top of him, chest to chest. Bradley absent mindedly runs his hand through the other pilot’s golden hair. The scent that is so painfully Jake shunts Bradley back into his memories, dark bunks, the man lying heavily on top of him. As few words exchanged as possible. Maybe things weren’t so different.
“You wanna talk about whatever happened today?” Bradley says rubbing circles against the other man’s broad back.
“Not particularly.” Jake says bluntly.
Bradley wants to pry, wants to make to the Jake tell him what’s wrong. The thought embarrasses Bradley. Throughout the years the other man could be so cold at times, seemingly so jaded to whatever they had at one point. It left Bradley to mourn the partner he never had; he couldn’t stop himself from still caring about the man that he thought never cared about him. He’d find ways to ask Nat or Javy how Jake was doing, or cash in favors to learn about his deployments. All the while thinking Jake had never paid him a second thought since flight school. This night was however turning that though process on its head.
“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. Can you at least tell me if you’re alright? Not hurt, physically or otherwise.”
Jake let’s out some unvocalized sound of surprise. “Yeah, I’m okay Bradshaw. I’ll be okay.”
“Alright.” Bradley says. He continues to rub the man’s back, he’s somewhat ashamed by how good the man feels under his touch. That much hasn’t changed in the years. But judging by how Jake is buried in his chest and has one hand wrapped around his bicep Jake must feel similarly. Eventually Bradley feels tiredness begin to tug on his eyelids.
“We need to get some sleep. We’re both supposed to play frisbee golf with Phoenix and Bob tomorrow.”
“I can sleep just fine like this.” Jake says tiredly, nuzzling against Bradley.
The words warm Bradley’s chest. “As nice as that sounds, I’m not as young as I used to be, I’ll be sore as hell sleeping on this couch.”
Jake begins to squirm out of his grasp, “fine, go to bed.”
“I’m not gonna make you sleep out here on the couch.”
“You taking me to bed Bradshaw?” Jake says wiggling his eyebrows.
Bradley blushes, he should’ve seen that one coming. “First of all, you’re drunk, and two you know I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Be a darlin’ and help me up then.”
Bradley rolls his eyes but relents and helps the other man up. He once again slides an arm around Jake’s waist. Jake’s clearly more sober this time but putting on his best performance to seem clumsy, he leans against Bradley’s form. Bradley rolls his eyes as Jake takes all the opportunities he can to lean further and brush up against as much of Bradley as he can. But he relents as he guides the pilot through the dark house to his bedroom.
As they enter Jake immediately flops down on the bed. “You’re not going to sleep in my bed wearing shoes.”
“Fuck you, you invited me here.” He says heatlessly, voice obscured by his face in the pillow.
“Guess I did.” Bradley smiles. “Stick your legs out, let me.” Jake obliges as Bradley undoes the laces and gently sets the pair of shoes down.
Jake rolls over and unbuttons his jeans. Bradley swallows nervously. He shouldn’t be nervous, it’s not like this is anything that he hasn’t seen before. They’ve been naked around each other countless times for Christ’s sake, but for some reason nothing quite as seemingly intimate as this. Jake tosses his jeans on the floor then sits up and shrugs off his shirt.
“You gonna get in bed or are you gonna keep staring?”
“Shit.” He’s not sure if he says that part out loud or not. “Sorry.”
Bradley draws the tank top over his head and discards it onto the floor before slipping into the bed next to the other man. They lie on their backs staring up at the ceiling in silence for quite some time. Bradley takes in the feeling of Jake’s presence. The warmth radiating from him as their shoulders occasionally brush. The way that after all these years Jake’s touch still makes his heart flutter.
“What if we met under different circumstances?” Jake says into the darkness.
“What?” Bradley responds.
Jake quiets, “like what if you and I were just strangers that happened to meet? Could we have made it work then?”
“Jake, I don’t know man. I’m sorry, I don’t know.” He pauses, “why do you keep asking that? You sure nothing happened tonight?”
Jake stays quiet for some time, “do you remember Somalia?”
“We don’t have to talk about that. We’ve made it almost a decade without bringing it up.” Their deployment off the coast of Somalia was a complicated one. It was years after graduating flight school, but still some time before TOPGUN. It had reunited the two of them after years apart, but at that point they were accustomed to keeping their distance. It was a normal patrol on what was supposed to be a “peacekeeping mission” when it happened. Him and Jake were attacked by a number of rogue fighter jets. They fought hard, Jake scored his first kill there, but it wasn’t long till they both had to eject. Clinging to one another as they tried to stay afloat in the frigid Indian Ocean
“Do you remember what I said that night?” Jake says, barely a whisper.
Bradley swallows hard at the memory. After ejecting it was almost an hour before being rescued. They were frozen to the bone, muscles and lungs ached as they treaded water. They held on to each other helping the other stay afloat. Once they were back on the USS Lincoln, they found themselves in Bradley’s bunk huddled together for the first time in years. It was eerily similar to the moment they were sharing together in the present. Bradley was wrapped up in Jake’s arms, pressed as close to the other man as possible. Bradley remembers Jake pressing a kiss against his neck and thinking him asleep Jake sighed into the quiet of the evening. Then whispered, “Bradley, I love you” in a shaky tone.
Bradley remembers doing his best to feign sleep. To still the beating of his heart to not alert the other man. Eventually Jake chortled before drifting off to find rest. Bradley’s not sure why he pretended to not hear anything, confused or too tired. No explanation he ever offered himself was satisfactory.
“Yeah, I do remember Jake.”
“So, you were awake after all?” Jake tuts.
“Yeah… I was.” Bradley responds slowly.
Jake rolls over on his side to face Bradley, “you didn’t feel the same?”
Bradley rolls over to meet him, “that was a long day Jake, I don’t know if I could’ve been held liable for anything I said at that point.”
It wasn’t an answer, but it was mostly true. But he also remembers lying awake that whole night in Jake’s arms, mulling over those three words. And acknowledging the fact that he would’ve done anything to protect the other man.
“Would you ever want what he we had back then, again?”
Bradley draws a breath that gets caught in his throat, his mouth hangs open as the blonde pilot looks into his eyes. He tries to carefully formulate his words before speaking.
“Jake,” Bradley reaches a hand out to brush a golden streak of hair from Jake’s forehead, “what we had back then was…” He pauses. “I don’t know, juvenile. All it was was us falling all over one another.”
Jake just grumbles, leaning into Bradley’s touch slightly.
“I don’t want that anymore; I can’t give you that if that’s what you’re looking for.”
“Why not?” Jake pleads, his pupils large pushing his emerald-colored irises to their thinnest.
Bradley smiles. “Jake, what can I say? In some ways nothing has changed, you’re gorgeous.” Jake immediately preens at the words. “You’re handsome, talented, charming...”
“Don’t forget funny.” Jake interjects smiling.
“Alright, cool it hotshot.” He says causing both men to laugh as they scooch closer.
“Maybe I’m just getting old Jake, but I guess I’m looking for something else these days.”
“Well, that’s good to hear ‘cause your good looks also no longer charm me.” Jake says puffing out his chest and feigning indifference.
“Bullshit Seresin, don’t act like you don’t take every opportunity you can to get your hands on me.”
Jake immediately blushes. “Sorry about that, earlier I mean.”
“Didn’t say I don’t mind it occasionally.”
Jake’s eyes rise to meet Bradley which causes Bradley to blush and quickly avert his gaze.
“But I mean,” Bradley continues, “we weren’t great for each other back in flight school or Somalia.” There’s a quick flash of emotion on Jake’s face that if it wasn’t so dark Bradley would almost say it looked like hurt. “Whenever we were flying together, I just couldn’t stop thinking about you, getting my hands on you I mean.” Bradley averts his eyes, surprising himself at the honesty of the statement.
“And every time I saw you up in the air, it worried me sick.” Jake says quietly, the Texas accent leaking into his sleep slicked words.
Bradley has trouble processing what he just heard, he obviously knew that they were physically attracted to one another and had been for some time. But Jake worrying about him? Over a decade ago? That he couldn’t believe.
“You really felt that way, all those years ago?”
“’Course, Rooster.” Jake says, reaching out a hand to trace the curve of Bradley’s jaw. His thumb brushes the little scars that mar his skin. Some of which were gained that day in Somalia. “Maybe there was a time I didn’t feel that way, but these days I can’t much remember them.”
Bradley averts his gaze in shame. “I, I wish you would’ve said something.”
Jake chuckles, raising an eyebrow. “Now Bradshaw, I think I did. Remember?”
Bradley flushes, “yeah, I remember. But you could’ve made it easy for me and brought it up again.”
Jake removes his hand from Bradley’s jaw as face goes cold, like Bradley said the wrong thing. Jake rolls onto his back staring up at the ceiling. “Be real with me, what would’ve you said to me back then if I told you again?” He pauses, “what would you say if I said it now?”
I love you? Bradley thinks, maybe at one point when they were young and just had a near death experience. But now? After years of shared history, ups and downs but mostly downs. Would Jake really be willing to say that, and feel, that now?
“I don’t know, I’m sorry Jake. Can I sleep on it?”
Jake huffs, “sure sleep on it, take all the time you need.” Sarcasm drips from his voice as he rolls over on his other side. Now facing away from Bradley.
Bradley can’t help but think about that night 10 years ago. Had that much time passed without Bradley changing at all? The more he looked at the ceiling the more it looked like the gunmetal grey of the USS Lincoln. The sound of the wind outside turning to the lapping of ocean waves against the hull. Bradley had wasted a decade. He hears the other man stir and shake slightly. Bradley turns to see Jake’s bare shoulder speckled with goosebumps.
“You cold Jake?”
Jake grumbles an affirmative sound.
Bradley turns to his side. “Can I touch you?” He says hesitantly.
Jake let’s out another permissive grumble. Bradley slides over pressing his chest against Jake’s back and wrapping an arm around his waist, pulling them tight against one another. Jake tenses slightly at the sudden contact, but after a moment a content sigh is expelled from his lips as he goes limp in Bradley’s arms.
“Thank you.” Jake whispers as the chill of the evening leaves him.
“’Course.” Bradley responds nuzzling into the hair on the back of the other man’s neck, as if he isn’t completely taken by the way his skin feels against Jake’s strong back and his hand lies on the toned muscles of Jake’s stomach. Just as smitten with the man as he was back in flight school the thought occurs to him.
“For everything today.” Jake adds.
“You know I wouldn’t have turned you away.”
“Yeah, ‘spose so.” Jake moves his hand to intertwine his fingers into the hand of Bradley’s that is resting against his stomach. “Bradley, I’ve been a lot of things throughout the years. Not all of them good, but I’ve never been a liar. I meant what I said all those years ago.”
Bradley wasn’t sure if he possessed the correct words to respond to that statement, but even if he did, he found his voice caught in his throat. Bradley the way his name rolled off the other man’s tongue was intoxicating. A word that in Bradley’s memory the other man had only used when Bradley was working him over with his hands or mouth all those years ago. But this night it sounded more tender, more vulnerable. Like an offering, it sounded like it did the last time he had ever heard the other man use his given name.
Suddenly Bradley was years younger. The familiarity of their position takes him to their long-buried past, suddenly regretting all the time he had wasted. Regretting how blind he was to how the other man felt about him, how he felt about the other man in turn. Jake was snoring at this point, the rise and fall of his chest finding a steady rhythm under the weight of Bradley’s arm.
“Jake, I love you.”
The words tumble from Bradley’s lips not especially quiet, being ready for the other man to hear it. But seemingly he hadn’t. Not stirring nor the expansion of his chest wavering. Bradley chuckles unconcerned, he figures he’ll have ample opportunities to tell him in the future.