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It started as a bad idea and only got worse from there. What else was Zuko expecting from a scar competition? He's just surprised it took them this long to ask about it. It. The scar. The scar so definitive he didn’t need to specify which scar he was talking about. It was the first and last thing anybody ever noticed about him. But, back up, how did they even get here?
It started with a day at the beach.
———
“Come on, Zuko! I’m tired! And the water’s perfect !” Aang’s plaintive plea to escape firebending practice had grated on Zuko at first, but it had long become commonplace. Another part of the routine.
“If you’re too tired to firebend, you’re too tired to go swimming.” Zuko met Aang’s puppy-frog eyes with his own unamused glower, but the Air Nomad refused to budge in a frustratingly non-airbender way.
“I promise I’ll do the katas later! I’ll do twice as many! Anything, please!” Zuko pretended to think on it for a second, before assenting. Privately, he was relieved. Trying to teach the Avatar firebending was tiring, and a day at the beach sounded like just what he needed.
Aang beamed, and with the typical gust of airbending, shot out of the courtyard and past Sokka’s sauntering form into the house.
“I’ll hold you to that!” Zuko called after the Aang-shaped dust cloud. Sokka raised an eyebrow.
“What was that about?”
“Aang wanted to stop training for a bit to go to the beach.”
“Can’t say I blame him. We’ve been here, what, three days already? And we still haven’t hit the beach together.”
“I’m worried he won’t be up to the level he needs to be if he’s going to face my father,” Zuko chewed the inside of his cheek in thought, “but my uncle once said you should always maintain a balance between work and play.”
“How’d you take that?” Sokka teased, already thinking of the most likely response. “Wait, no, let me guess,” he dropped his voice into a raspy imitation of Zuko’s, “ Uncle, I cannot afford to waste one second on such foolish things as having fun or goofing off! I need to capture the Avatar!”
Zuko flicked an ember at the hem of Sokka’s shirt, just enough to smart.
“Ow! You know, your silence is speaking volumes.”
“It’s awful how accurate that was.”
Sokka’s laugh filled the courtyard.
“Come on, I’ll get the girls if you grab the beach stuff.”
“You’re only doing that because you don’t know where we keep it.”
“Guilty as charged. Now go, fetch me an umbrella and some towels.” Sokka shoved lightheartedly at Zuko’s shoulder, and Zuko gave an answering elbow to the tribesman’s ribs.
———
Aang was already in the water when Zuko got there, arms full of beach supplies. With the practiced grace of a swordsman, he flicked open the umbrella, neatly rolling out the beach towels. He had just enough time to admire the scene before him before the beach rumbled in the low heralding of an encroaching earthbender and Toph exploded from the ground, flinging a wave of sand in every direction. Zuko silently lamented the ruination of his perfect handiwork.
“You say something, Sparky?” Toph’s voice was on the verge of a mad cackle, though upon further reflection it wasn’t ever not. Still, Zuko sighed.
“Nope.”
“I thought not.” Behind her, He could see Katara and Suki following Sokka down the path while he gestured wildly with his arms. Doubtless, he was recounting his verbal victory over Zuko with all his usual silver-tongued charm. Suki at least found it funny, because she was laughing.
“And then, he shot a massive fireball at me, which I of course dodged easily, because he was enraged by my flawless rendition!”
“It was a tiny spark, I can see the scorch mark on your shirt, and you sounded more like a badger-frog than me,” Zuko snarked, and Sokka drew himself up, spluttering in mock affrontedness.
“How dare you! I will have you know that I am a thespian without flaw! An actór without equal! The greatest of my generation!”
“There is certainly no one like you,” Katara muttered.
“You’re a what ?” Toph called before Sokka could whirl on his sister.
“A thespian!”
“You know, there’s a few girls on Kyoshi who are like that.”
“I think Ty Lee’s a thespian too.”
“Which one’s that?” Sokka’s brows knit together.
“The flippy one,” Zuko answered, to a chorus of oh ’s.
“Good for her,” Suki nodded, almost approvingly.
“This discussion is officially over. Everyone get in the water!” Sokka made to push Suki, who crossed her arms, then retracted his own. He pivoted toward Katara and she raised a single eyebrow. He winced. He turned hesitatingly to Zuko, who snorted, the slightest bit of smoke curling out of his nose. Sokka visibly wilted, trudging to the water. He stopped only when the waves reached his neck, then turned to look at the group with his most forlorn look. Katara flicked her wrist and a tiny wave crested against the tide, washing him away.
He came up coughing and spluttering, murderous intent written across his face.
“Aang!” He called. “C’mere.”
The Avatar scooted over obligingly and Sokka pulled him close, whispering in his ear. Aang shot away, a blush spreading across his face.
“No way! I wouldn’t do that to anyone!”
Zuko, smelling sibling mischief, spoke up.
“If you do it, I won’t make you do hot squats tomorrow.” Katara gave an indignant gasp.
“For a week!”
“Three days and you can call me Sifu Hotman, final offer.”
Aang mulled it over, then grinned deviously.
“You drive a hard bargain, Sifu Hotman.”
If possible, Katara gasped louder. Sokka met Zuko’s gaze and a thank you passed in the secret channels only known to older brothers. Zuko nodded seriously. It was, after all, serious business.
Katara pulled Suki and Toph away and Zuko stepped into the surf to plot with Aang and Sokka. Hushed battle plans were drawn, both groups sneaking surreptitious glances at the other. Toph crowed loudly once and Aang paled.
“I think I chose the wrong team.”
Sokka grinned.
“Of course you did.”
———
An hour later, they were soaked, singed, and covered in sand and bruises. The girls had beaten the boys handily, but between Zuko’s impossible relentlessness and Sokka’s ability to make even the most hopeless of plans seem doable, they had certainly made the girls earn their victory.
Now, they relaxed on the (perfectly) organized towels Zuko had laid out earlier, eating from bowls of various fruit. As Aang struggled with a coconut, Zuko gnawed on a moon peach, juice leaving stick trails down his chin. Katara flicked grapes into Sokka’s open mouth, which would normally not be a difficult task save for the fact that Suki had his head in her lap, alternating between tying his hair into hundreds of tiny ponytails and covering his eyes.
It was his idea, as Katara landed another grape on the tiny white swoop above his right eye.
“Let’s compare scars!” A terse glance flicked Zuko’s way, and while such a thing would normally set him on edge, he was feeling too content to disagree.
“Sure.”
Everybody relaxed, each releasing a nervous breath. Zuko felt his skin crawl a smidge but dismissed the feeling.
“I got this,” Sokka shooed Suki’s fingers away from his face before gesturing to the scar above the ridge of his brow, “when an octopus-cod stole my fish. Which was attached to my line at the time. My line and my hook. I jerked it a bit too hard and the thing held on too tight, and suddenly I had a fishing hook flying at my face. I’m just glad it didn’t put my eye out.”
“I dunno, I kinda like the whole eyepatch look. Like a pirate.” Suki stroked the side of Sokka’s face, and he looked ready to melt. Katara met Zuko’s eye and he winced. He mouthed Not a word! and Katara rolled her eyes, but without bite.
Aang sprang up.
“Me next! I got this,” he flexed suddenly, putting the gnarled pink knot in the center of his chest on full display, “when Azula shot me full of lightning!”
Toph socked him on the shoulder.
“Nice going, Twinkletoes. You’re supposed to build up to the big stuff. Now whose gonna go next?”
“ I will,” Suki admonished sweetly. She raised her left arm, flexing her not-inconsiderable bicep. An ovular pink divot stood out, and as she turned her arm, revealed a matching scar on the other side. Sokka practically had stars in his eyes.
“I got this my first year in training to be a Kyoshi Warrior. I was sparring katanas with Ming and she stabbed me through the arm. It didn’t mess up anything important, but it hurt like a motherfucker.”
Toph whistled low and Zuko felt his respect for Suki raise even higher than it already was. Belatedly, he remembered he never really apologized for lighting her village on fire.
“Uh. Sorry about, you know, burning Kyoshi Island down. While I was chasing the Avatar.” Zuko felt the burn of shame across his neck deepen as Suki fixed him in a blue-eyed glare.
“Eh. We put the fires out pretty quick. I’ll forgive you, on one condition,” she leaned forward conspiratorially. “You tell us about a scar you’ve got.”
He sighed, mentally running through a list of memories. Most of which were, in a sense, completely awful. Then, he got an idea. He leaned to his left, showing off the irregular white puckering on the plane of his stomach.
“I fell on my swords.”
Katara and Aang gasped almost in unison, Toph chuckled “badass”, Suki nodded, satisfied, but Sokka gave him a weird look.
“Why does it look like that, then?”
Zuko laughed.
“I, uh, thought I couldn’t wait for a healer. I thought my guts were gonna spill out any second, so I did what any young, headstrong, completely idiotic firebender would do, and I cauterized it.”
Toph laughed louder.
“Zuko, please tell me you went right to a healer. You went right to a healer, right ?” After so long getting the cold shoulder from Katara, the concern in her voice was disorienting.
“Uh.”
“Zuko.”
“Uh.”
“Zuko.”
“I tried to hide it. I thought I could tough it out.”
“Zuko!”
“It got infected! It got so infected. I, uh, actually collapsed in the middle of my lessons. Then I got dragged to the royal physician, who proceeded to chew me out so thoroughly I started worrying every tiny burn I got would get infected, so really there’s no reason to chew me out further-”
“Zuko!”
“I’m sorry! I’m retroactively sorry for being such an idiot as a child!”
“How old were you?” Aang’s voice was quiet.
“10, I think? This was before my cousin died, so maybe I was 9?”
“You impaled yourself at 9 years old? ” Katara’s shrill voice rang out.
“I impaled myself at 10 years old, thank you very much. I remember now, this was just after Azula’s 8th birthday, and she’s only a year and a half younger than me. She got a real kick out of it, too.”
Sokka reached over to clap a hand on Zuko’s knee.
“Please, for the sake of every dog on this island, stop talking about impaling yourself.”
Katara flicked another grape, this time aiming squarely for Sokka’s eye. It sailed straight and true and would have hit if not for Suki catching it.
“I was lying about the eyepatch thing earlier. Don’t maim my boyfriend.”
“Aw man, and here I was trying to decide which eye to put out for you!”
“Sokka. Babe. You don’t need to put an eye out to wear an eyepatch.”
“I want to have the full eyepatch experience!”
Toph chimed in.
“You could always go full blind. Think about it. Dual eyepatches.”
Sokka pondered it for just a bit too long.
“Nah, I think I’ll keep my eyes. Apparently Suki’s just too attached.”
“Not as attached as you should be .”
“ My turn! ” Toph sprang to her feet, flexing her arms and turning to show the faint but very obvious set of teeth marks gouging her shoulder blades. “I got this the first time I tried to bother the badger-moles. They had babies and I hadn’t gained their trust yet, so they, yanno, mauled me.”
Zuko wanted to ask how Toph was still alive but knew he’d get a pebble for his troubles.
“And I bet you’re wondering how I’m still alive, huh?” Toph paused for effect, a natural showman. Zuko vaguely remembered Aang making an offhand comment implying they picked her up at an earthbending tournament where she went by the Blind Bandit, but surely that couldn’t be right. The group gave a chorus of yeah ’s.
“I’m the greatest earthbender in the world, that’s how!” She yelled, triumphant. Somehow, that explained it better than any details she might have given.
Slowly, the group turned to face Katara. She flushed at the sudden attention but stuck her hands out without hesitation. Small pink scars fluttered across the skin of her palms, mussing the lines one might use for fortune-telling.
“I don’t have many scars. This is the big one. Aang accidentally burned me the first time he tried firebending, which was coincidentally the first time I discovered waterbending’s healing abilities.”
Aang’s already-slight form seemed to shrink even further. Sokka’s arm flapped awkwardly before slapping Katara’s leg.
“That’s not the only one and you know it.”
“Sokka.”
“C’mon, you have to tell them about it.”
“Tell us about what?” Toph asked, eager to witness other peoples’ drama, leaned in.
“It’s nothing!”
“Katara, if you don’t tell them, I will, and I don’t think you want them to hear this particular story from me.”
“What story?” Toph grinned like a lion-shark.
“Ugh! You’re awful!”
“Okay, so this happened when we were kids, right-”
“ Fine! I’ll tell it, so you don’t twist it like you always do!”
“I tell the truth and nothing but the truth!”
“Yeah, well you always leave out the fact that it was your fault!”
“ My fault?”
“Guys!” Aang held out his hands in a peacekeeping gesture. “Maybe you could both tell the story?”
Katara and Sokka glared daggers at each other, but Katara eventually relented. She extended her right leg, turning the calf and the triangular scar on it upwards.
“We were kids, really little when this happened. Nobody knew I was a bender yet, not even me.”
“But I guess this was the first sign, huh?”
“... I guess it was. Weird. Anyways, it was just when the sun had started raising above the horizon for more than a few hours at a time. Late spring, almost summer.”
“The point is, ice was starting to melt. Specifically, icicles.”
“We had a cluster of icicles hanging just outside the front of our igloo. Normally we knock them down periodically, but a really bad blizzard had just come through, and nobody had been outside in forever to do it.”
“So when we get out there, the first thing I notice is a huge icicle. I’m talking at least this long!” Sokka held up his hands about a foot apart.
“You make it bigger every time we tell this story!”
“Relatively! It was relatively this big! The point is, it was huge for two little kids.”
“So do you know what this asshole does?” She gave her brother a light kick to the shoulder.
“It was going to fall! I saved your life!”
“You pushed me into the snow!”
“And then she manages to get stabbed anyways! But am I thanked for making sure it hit her leg instead of her throat? No, I’m not! ”
“A second icicle came loose and speared right through my pants. Luckily, we were close to home, so Sokka pulled me inside, leaving an awful trail of blood in the snow like I’m a dead animal! Mom and Dad thought I was dying!”
“But you didn’t, because I heroically saved you.”
“Heroically shoved me, more like.”
“It worked, didn’t it?”
Katara groaned dramatically into her hands.
“Anyways, that’s the story of Katara’s real best scar.”
“I still think I’ve got you all beat,” Zuko murmured, and all eyes were on him. His eye widened in shock as he realized what he said and he hastily clamped his mouth shut. “I just, I mean… from my swords,” he finished lamely, blood pounding in his ears. His skin burned with anxious energy.
“You don’t have to tell us if you don’t want to, Zuko.” Katara’s voice brought on a roiling wave of shame and anger. Zuko’s stomach turned.
Aang reached out to lay a hand on Zuko’s shoulder.
“The monks always taught us that talking about it can make it easier. I don’t want you to feel pressured, but maybe it’s worth a shot?”
Zuko felt numb. He felt weightless. But the gentle warmth of Aang’s hand offered a tether that he gripped with both hands. He nodded.
“Wait, what’s going on?” Toph nudged Zuko in the ribs, hard but not without love.
“Did nobody tell you about my scar?”
“I mean, it came up sometimes, but I don’t know the specifics.”
“I have a… massive burn scar on the left side of my face. It’s pretty awful. I can’t really see out of that eye and my hearing is pretty shot.”
“Wait, is that why you always favor your right side?” Sokka chirped and Zuko gave him a look. “Stupid question, yeah, got it,” he grumbled.
“Anyways, it’s really distinctive. I don’t have feeling on that side, so I can’t really emote with it. And having half of your face permanently locked in a scowl doesn’t make you any friends.”
Everybody winced.
“You know what this means, don’t you?” Toph nudged Zuko again, gentler this time. “You’re half as cool as me! 2 people, one eye! Three-quarters blind, one-quarters dumb!”
“I can still see a little bit out of it.”
“Eh, call it 7/8ths.”
“So how did you get your scar, Zuko?” Suki cocked her head and Sokka peered up from her lap.
“Ah. It was a few years ago. I was thirteen at the time and thought that made me hot shit,” he hissed a mirthless laugh. “My father was hosting a war council, and I wanted to go. I thought I was old enough to participate in the future of my country, but the guards refused to let me in. I wish I had dropped it then, but I went right to my uncle and begged him to let me in.”
A fresh wave of shame at the memory of his uncle rolled over his mind, smothering any other thought.
“He didn’t want to let me in, but I just wouldn’t drop it. So he finally relented but made me promise to stay silent. I agreed because I thought I could. I… couldn’t. There was this general, some shitty old man who had this list in front of him. A list of every new regiment. He proposed this plan, and it was awful. He wanted to capture this useless town in the Earth Kingdom that had been resisting for 40 years. I think he just wanted the glory of subjugating so tenacious an enemy. To do so, he wanted to put an entire division of fresh recruits right on the front line to distract the defending force, then sweep in from behind with a more experienced regiment. They’d be slaughtered, and he just said it like he was necessary.”
Zuko’s eyes burned at the memory, flame rippling just beneath his skin, begging to be released. Suki’s hands had long gone still in Sokka’s hair and Katara looked about frozen solid.
“I jumped up and started yapping about how it was wrong, how could he betray those soldiers, they were loyal to the Fire Nation… He started yelling back, and I almost jumped over the table. Then… My father stood up. Everybody went quiet. He told me that for the grave offense I had committed, the only recourse was an Agni Kai.”
He released a shuddering sigh, memories of the war room burning in his mind.
“What’s an Agni Kai?” Katara whispered.
“It’s a duel, usually between two firebenders, but sometimes weapons are used. It goes until one participant dies or yields. Death is usually the better option. Surrendering forfeits your honor. You become nothing, nobody, until you can reclaim your honor. Some never do. You guys like to joke about my honor, but in the Fire Nation, your honor is your life.”
“Spirits…” Suki breathed at the same time Sokka snarled a strangled “Tui and La. ”
“I knew I could take the general. That’s why I agreed. He was old and slow, and I was young and arrogant. At sunset, I walked into the arena. Everyone was there, even my sister. But the thing that threw me for a loop was that the general was there too, sitting with the rest of my father’s war council, looking insufferably smug.”
Zuko shivered as he remembered the hunger in the general’s eyes.
“So, when I turned around, I wasn’t facing the general. I was facing my father .”
Zuko closed his eyes as the group exploded into a flurry of curses and various threats of bodily harm against Ozai.
“But… why ?” Aang asked, uncomprehending.
“My father said that because it was his war council, by speaking out I had disrespected him. It was his honor I had questioned. At the time, it made a sick sort of sense. Now, I know he just wanted to get rid of me, and I had handed him the perfect excuse on a silver platter.”
“You fought your dad ?” Toph had edged closer as Zuko spoke and now asked from almost directly beneath his arm. Zuko snorted, dry and derisive.
“No. I refused. I threw myself on the ground and asked for his forgiveness, for his mercy. I should have known my father is incapable of both. He told me to get up and fight for my honor. I couldn’t. I couldn’t fight my father. So I just kneeled there, while he…” Zuko’s throat hitched dangerously, hot tears pricking at the corner of his good eye.
Wordlessly, he held a hand out as if to caress something. Flames burst to life in his palm, crackling wildly. Slowly, he extended his arm. After a moment, the fire guttered out.
“The next thing I knew, I was aboard an 80-year-old ship with my uncle, half-blind and so angry. My uncle told me I had been banished and the only way I could return home was with the Avatar. It had been a month already.”
The ambient temperature of the beach had slowly been dropping, but now it plummeted. Fat flakes of tropical snow drifted to the ground as Katara ground her nails into the meat of her palms. When she met Zuko’s gaze, her eyes were alight with icy fury.
“ I’m gonna kill him .”
Sokka looked just as murderous as his sister, even as Suki gripped his head like a watermelon. Aang shifted between rage and despair in waves, not knowing whether to scream or cry.
Toph released a high, keening cry and dove toward Zuko, grabbing his around the middle and burying her face in his side. Zuko could feel the tears running down her face. Gently, awkwardly, he placed a hand on her back.
“That’s awful! How could he do that to you?” Zuko was suddenly reminded that he had been not that much older than she was when it happened.
That broke the spell, and suddenly everyone was surrounding Zuko, a bony tangle of sandy limbs and angry tears. Zuko choked back a sob and let the one tear in his eye roll across his cheek.
“We’re all going to kill him. Together.” Suki hissed, resting her forehead on Zuko’s shoulder. Sokka and Katara murmured in assent. Toph squeezed Zuko even harder. Aang stayed silent, but Zuko paid it no mind.
“I…” he croaked, “I don’t…”
“Shush, Zuko. Just take the affection for once.” Katara muttered under his chin. Zuko squeezed his eye shut in silent thanks. After a long, tense, sniffly moment, Sokka broke the silence.
“So, where’d you get this one?” His fingers drifted lightly across the muscles of Zuko’s calf.
“I wasn’t as fast as I thought I was. Master Piandao kept me humble.”
“You trained with Piandao? Me too!”
“What.”
The group laughed, and the conversation turned away from scars, toward more hopeful things. Favorite meals, the theater, the benefits of two swords over one. Even so, the love never left, and Zuko slept without nightmares that night for the first time in a very, very long time.