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Despite what many people thought, Thomas 'Tommy' Bouregaurd Hagan knew he wasn't a good person.
That he hadn't been one in a long time.
But if it was ever to be pointed out to him, he'd just lie and say he didn't care.
Because that was easier than admitting to the truth.
That he did care and that he hated how he had become.
But again, lying about it and pretending that he was fine with how he was now was easier.
Easier than admitting or God forbid, explaining, why he had allowed himself to stoop so low.
Because that would require him admitting to four of the biggest secrets he had ever kept:
1. That he liked boys and girls.
2. That he used to be in love with Steve.
3. That he wasn't sure that he'd make it past twenty without Steve and Carol by his side.
And
4. That he had seen Steve die multiple times only for him to come back not long after.
Tommy knew that him explaining secret number 1 would make his life (and Steve and Carol's since the two wouldn't leave him for something like that) a living hell. And it would erase everything they had worked for.
He knew that explaining secret number 2 would get similar results and that it might make things awkward between him and Steve.
He knew that explaining secret number 3 would make both his best friends, Carol's parents, his parents, and quite possibly everyone he had ever known concerned. That it might make his parents cry. That it might make Carol and Steve cry. Which was why he'd never explain it.
And he knew that if he ever admitted to number 4 that he'd probably be labeled as crazy or that Steve would be carted off and experimented on. Or both.
And Tommy refused to ever stoop that low.
Sure, he had done a lot of shitty things in his life. Things that he'd likely be ashamed of more than he already was in the future. No matter how hard he'd try to rationalize it to himself.
But he would never, ever, ever sell out Steve like that.
Not when it meant he'd be experimented on and imprisoned. Made to die over and over and over until he couldn't anymore.
He would never be able to live with himself if he did so.
Just like how he would never tell anyone, let alone Steve, that seeing his best friend die so many times as a kid was the reason he was so fucked up now. Because even if it was true, it wouldn't be fair to Steve to ever utter the words.
Because it wasn't Steve's fault that he had died at least 200 known times by the time they hit High School.
It wasn't Steve's fault that his life sucked and that his parents weren't around enough to prevent the deaths.
It wasn't Steve's fault that seeing most of the said deaths had affected Tommy so badly that he twisted into the person he was now.
That he had become so overprotective that he hurt people before they could hurt Steve now instead of giving them a chance not too.
Steve would never forgive himself if he found out that he may have had a part to play in how Tommy turned out.
And Tommy was never gonna tell him.
(It would be wrong to.
It would break his heart.
And Tommy wasn't gonna do that.
Especially not after he had accidentally killed Steve 4 times directly and at least 10 times indirectly by suggesting or going along with bad ideas they had).
And If that made him the bad guy, that was fine.
Carolyn 'Carol' Annalise Perkins was not a good person.
She knew that.
And while it bothered her, she could live with that.
For now.
She had done many terrible things in the name of protecting Tommy and Steve.
And while she did regret doing some of the said terrible things, she didn't regret all of them.
How could she when she knew what the alternatives were?
If anyone found Tommy liked boys as well as girls, he could be killed. And if he wasn't, his life would still be over.
If anyone found out about Steve, he could be carted off and experimented on by the government.
Or he could just die time and time again if she wasn't there to intervene.
And those weren't risks that Carol was willing to take.
Not after seeing many, many kids who were just like Tommy get carted off to church camps and hospitals.
Not after seeing how people like Tommy were treated.
And definitely not after seeing Steve die at least 200 times before they hit High School starting when they were just 6 years old.
Everyone had a breaking point.
Tommy had hit his when they were 13 after realizing just how many times he had accidentally killed Steve.
And
Carol…
Carol hit hers the moment she realized that she'd never be able to get the numerous images of Steve dead out of her head.
That she'd never be able to unsee the broken neck that Steve got at 6 years old.
Or the blue tint of his lips and the clammy paleness of seven year old Steve's skin after he drowned.
Or the broken nose that resulted in a skull fracture the same year.
Or the numerous other injuries he had gotten that had resulted in his death.
And if being a bad person throughout high school meant that Carol could avoid getting more images of her best friend's dead body stuck in her head, then Carol was fine with that.
As long as she could graduate and become a judge and make sure that no parent as neglectful as Steve's were got to keep their child.
As long as no child died on her watch again.
As long as Steve never died on her watch again.
She was fine with being a bad person in that case.
Because everything would be fine then.