Work Text:
This time, it was lingering longer than usual.
Adol was currently up to his mid-thigh in water - the lake he and Dogi had made their camp next to had a small landmass in the middle of it, like a tiny island, and of course he wanted to go explore a bit of it while Dogi was off hunting for their evening meal. But Adol hadn't gotten too far out before he looked down and noticed that his reflection had, ever so slightly, changed.
This had happened before, here and then, but only ever fleetingly. Ever since their adventure in the prison city of Balduq, Adol had - in the corners of his eyes and in quick and furtive glances - occasionally seen so-brief flickers of the Crimson King, that impressive other-self he'd gained so suddenly and lost just as easily. These were just little things, like his fringe looking just a shade too long over his left eye, the flow of his left shoulder's spaulder being slightly altered, or small hints of a trailing ponytail even though his hair was always kept clipped short and tidy. They appeared in mirrors, puddles of rainwater, glistening polished metal: anything that might play the part of a looking-glass, however temporarily.
It'd startled him quite badly at first; he'd initially worried they were hallucinations of some kind! But he'd come to find these illusions... comforting, now. He'd only had a so-short opportunity to meet the other man, the other him - and when the memory of that meeting drifted into his idle thoughts, he still felt a small weight of sadness. After all, the Grimwald was gone and the Monstrum were now lost from this world, and he - and they, both - had been the ones to bring about their ends.
So when Adol could catch sight of the Crimson King in these gentle ways, it was pleasant. The soul he had welcomed into him was still there, even now; the sole survivor of the destruction they'd wrought, somehow kept safe from the ravages of these drastic changes.
The stilled water that surrounded him let him see this clearly now, as well: his reflection had become more of a composite of both he and his Monstrum form, where he could see his own casual ring-necked tunic and rich green scarf but also the raised collar of the Crimson King's longcoat and silken cravat. Of course their faces were the same, but the longer he looked down at this mirror image, the less he could see himself and the more he could see the Monstrum's flowing hair, obscured eye, and even a hint of his thin ponytail.
Adol was caught up in a minor fascination at how visible the image was this time; so crisp, so clearly the Monstrum's appearance although it was still partially his own. Far more impressive than previous glimpses and glances, certainly. He didn't even want to move too much in case he ruined this vision, and just looked on with a sort of gentle and respectful curiosity, lips parted slightly as if he were about to speak but dared not do so.
— and, gazing up from the pool of water as Adol Christin's face remained unchanged, the Crimson King smiled.
Adol nearly started, the sudden change catching him off his guard and giving him a shock. His hand moved forward, entirely unconsciously - the Crimson King's matched this, and for just a moment it felt like they had been returned to that in-between space where they'd first 'met'. When the Crimson King had given him an entreaty, stated quite plainly but somehow so desperate in its need; when he had wanted to do right by this himself-otherself; when they had both extended their arms and held open their hands and --
As their fingertips both touched one another's, the surface of the water shattered. Adol hadn't realized how quickly he'd been moving, and the splashback - the swells and waves that had disrupted everything - startled him out of his mild reverie. The choppy, roiled water had all but erased the Crimson King from his view, and a sound that might've been a protest died in his throat with a sharp, half-strangled gasp of breath.
The illusion broken by this contact, Adol's reflection in the still gently rippling water was now only his own, fluster so apparent upon his face when he looked down at it. It'd been so long since his last memory of actually being the Crimson King - the last time he'd seen himself (themselves?) in that regalia - and he hadn't wanted to chase this vision away. Not so quickly, at least.
There was a small ache of regret in his chest, too; until now, these mirror images had been just that - a flat copy, always tethered to his own movements. Adol hadn't known it was even possible for the Crimson King to do something of his own accord! And yet, immediately and unthinkingly, he'd spoiled everything with one single touch. "S-sorry," he began in rasping apology, "I just--" He curled the fingers of his right hand, the one that had broken the water's surface and was still partially submerged, as if he were trying to make contact with something that just wasn't there. "I only wanted to take hold of your hand again."
... well, that feeble little confession wasn't entirely accurate: "I wanted to take your hand," he repeated, looking his own reflection right in the eyes but speaking to the soul that might not have been visible any longer but was still deep within him, "just like before, in case I could save you again."
He didn't say it aloud, but maybe the other soul inside him already knew: what he really and truly wanted was to grab the Crimson King's hand. Grab it tight, hold it fast, and give it one heaving pull - hard enough to rip the Monstrum right out of his water reflection and drag him back into existence with a violent geyser-eruption, all the shock and drama warranted of life being born anew into the world.
All that time ago, when they had finally been able to meet one another face-to-face, the Crimson King had asked him, very directly, why he adventured. Although the Monstrum had all the same feelings and memories that Adol Christin did, although he knew with certainty the desires and the reasons behind that 'why', the Crimson King had wanted Adol to say it aloud -- not for confirmation of facts already known, but just to hear it. To hear this feeling they both shared stated openly, boldly, proudly:
It makes life worth living.
-- and that was all Adol wanted for the Crimson King. Another chance at living a life all his own, not one shared with his 'original', unable to make his own decisions and to choose his own path. Certainly not a life hidden away, only visible in mirrors and at the edges of sight! Adol felt like he almost wanted to pull himself inside-out; two had become one, but he wanted to make them two again.
What a foolish thing to admit, he thought, finally straightening himself back upright and no longer looking down at his own mirror image. He knew it was impossible. This fact had been made entirely and painfully clear to him by both Aprilis and Smirnov Noah - even when he had approached each of them individually, in secret, to ask again. Surely there's some way? he had insisted, but at least they were gentle in telling him that no, there absolutely was not, and they were sorry to bear such bad news.
And if he knew what an impossible dream it was, the Crimson King would know it, also.
As he resumed his slow walk towards the lake island, now more of a plodding as his mood had taken a small downturn, Adol began to feel a small warmth in his chest. Not an actual heat, but the soft and intimate feeling of satisfaction or pride, of delight or content, a warmth of emotion -- and he understood that, somehow and someway, this was caused by the Crimson King. Where his own feelings were still of disappointment, that other soul within him was radiant in happiness.
Letting slip a soft laugh, Adol gently layered one hand over his breastbone. "... yeah, same here." he whispered aloud in one-sided conversation.
"I'm glad we could see each other again, too."