Chapter Text
Alan’s parents’ home. September 1994.
Margaret Grant hung up the phone and stood with her hand on the receiver. She heard the door behind her open and felt hands on her shoulders.
‘How is he?’
Margaret sighed ‘I don’t think he’s doing very well,’ she turned to her husband. ‘He was making an effort, asking how we were, talking about his work but he just sounds, he just sounds flat.’
She dabbed at her eyes, ‘it breaks my heart, they were so happy together.’
‘Margaret, Alan is an adult and he makes his own decisions. Even if we don’t like them.’
‘I know but there must be something can be done.’ She patted James’ arm as she made to walk past him, ‘I wish you would go and see him, James, talk to him. If there’s any chance at all…..’
‘Margaret’ James warned ‘we really can’t interfere.’
That evening after Margaret had gone to bed James sat in his armchair nursing a glass of single malt and wondering again what had happened between Alan and Ellie.
They had been so happy together and from where he was standing their relationship looked solid. Margaret even thought they might be thinking about starting a family.
And then suddenly it had all gone wrong.
Alan had said something about a theme park; he’d mentioned bio-engineering and dinosaurs. James hadn’t really understood what happened that weekend and hadn’t liked to ask. All he knew is that there had been an incident, people had died and Alan and Ellie had only just made it out alive.
In the months that followed he heard about nightmares and trauma and the effect they’d had on his son’s relationship with Ellie.
Then one day three months ago Alan had called to say that Ellie had left and that he’d let her go. Things had run their course, he said.
Margaret had not been fooled, she could tell how much effort it was taking Alan not to break down in tears, she saw through his curt answers and the long pauses when she asked questions.
She knew her son was heartbroken.
James tried hard to respect Alan’s decision but he had never told anyone about his own heartbreak. He loved Ellie too, she was the daughter he never had. He’d allowed himself to imagine grandchildren and Ellie tending to him in his old age, holding his hand as he was dying. He loved her for the change she’d made to his son. Alan was always shy and took life a bit too seriously but Ellie brought out his playful side, she brought laughter and colour and love into his son’s life.
And she’d taken it all with her when she left.
If only there was something he could do.
James got up and rummaged through a pile of letters on his desk. When he found what he was looking for he poured himself another Scotch and sat back down in his chair. It was an invite to take part in a conference at Georgetown University. James always ignored such things these days, he was too old, no longer interested in socialising and networking, he’d heard enough of other people’s opinions. But he would go, he would take part and while he was in Washington he would go and see Ellie. He knew she worked at the University albeit on a different site, he would talk to her, see if there was a chance she would reconsider. He would beg if he had to.
James was going to fight for Ellie Sattler even if his son wasn’t.
Washington. Two weeks later.
James escaped from the conference as soon as he could and took a taxi to the Faculty of Earth Sciences. It was just after 3pm and he hoped Ellie would still be at work.
He saw a row of shops close to the entrance and asked the driver to drop him off. He dithered in the florist and in the end chose a bunch of tulips because they were vibrant and colourful and reminded him of Ellie.
When he reached the main building he realised he had no idea where to find her and as he stood hesitantly in the foyer he was approached by an official looking woman carrying a pile of papers.
‘Can I help you?’ James pretended not to hear the slight condescension in her voice.
‘Um Dr Ellie Sattler?’
‘Ah right, along this corridor, then….’ she looked him up and down. ‘Actually take a seat here and I’ll get a message to her. Your name?’
James knew what he looked like, a slightly flustered old man carrying a bunch of flowers, but he was also a professor of literature and this woman’s patronising tone was beginning to rile him.
‘Tell her Dr Grant is here to see her. Dr James Grant.’ He turned and sat down on one of the chairs.
Ellie’s Office, Georgetown University
Ellie Sattler pushed aside the pile of student assignments and stretched in her chair. She wondered whether she could knock off an hour early. She was tired, she was always tired these days. The job was stimulating but she was struggling to find happiness in anything and her mind started to drift to a different life, the life that until recently she’d thought was hers forever.
A knock at the door rescued her from her thoughts.
‘Shirley?’
‘Dr Sattler, there’s a man asking for you at reception, a Dr Grant.’ the woman paused, unaware of the look that passed over Ellie’s face. ‘He’s carrying a bunch of flowers.’
Shirley hovered at the doorway clearly wanting to know more.
Ellie shuffled the papers into a pile and walked over to the door, ‘thank you Shirley’ she said, closing the door a little harder than she intended. She stood with her back against it swallowing gulps of air. He’s here, Alan’s here.
Turning up unexpectedly with a bunch of flowers was so out of character she wondered for a second whether something serious had happened. Her emotions veered from anger to worry to hope.
She could refuse to see him, but she knew that would achieve nothing, Ellie took a deep breath and gathered up her purse.
‘James? What a surprise, how lovely to see you.’
James saw her look of disappointment mixed with relief and realised that he was not the Dr Grant she had expected.
She opened her arms to welcome him into an embrace.
He hoped his shock at her appearance hadn’t been evident, she looked exhausted, beneath her smile her skin was pale and her eyes tired. Her movements seemed slower somehow and James’ heart ached for this young woman. He remembered when he’d first met her at the dig site four years ago and how very full of life she had been.
Their initial greetings over, Ellie suggested coffee at a nearby cafe.
They found a table in the corner and he watched as she carefully placed the flowers on a chair beside her. She looked up, ‘tulips are my favourite, did you remember?’
James shook his head, ‘not really but for some reason I knew you’d like them.’
They lapsed into an awkward silence.
‘Ellie I’m sorry about just turning up, and I realise I shouldn’t have said Dr Grant to your colleague, you must have thought it was Alan, that was thoughtless.’
She looked down at her hands, ‘so you know about Alan and me?’
‘Yes, I know and that’s kind of why I’m here.’
‘Did he ask you to come?’ she asked sharply. James couldn’t tell whether she sounded annoyed or hopeful.
‘No, no, he would not be happy if he knew I was here. Actually it was Margaret’s idea, you know me Ellie, I always do what she tells me.’
She smiled at his weak attempt at humour. ‘You want to talk me into getting back together with Alan don’t you?’
James sighed, ‘I find myself a little lost for words to be honest.’ He paused ‘is there any chance, Ellie?’
Ellie felt a surge of complicated feelings, anger at James’ interference, concern that he’d come all this way to see her and that she was about to disappoint him and something else, a recognition that Alan’s parents thought their relationship was worth fighting for.
‘James, Alan is the one who wouldn’t budge, who wouldn’t make any concessions. He wouldn’t even come halfway with me.’ She toyed with her coffee cup. ‘In the end I had to do what was right for me and go and find a life for myself away from dinosaurs and fossils and any reminders of…that place. I had to move on, because he wasn’t going to.’
James reached over and squeezed her hand. He felt defeated, this was way outside his comfort zone. Ellie and Alan were grown adults and he was interfering. And yet he couldn’t get rid of the image he’d formed of their children, laughing and playing in the dust.
As if Ellie read his thoughts she said, ‘I wanted to have children, for us to have a baby. Something about what happened at the park made me want to do it sooner rather than later, I don’t know, maybe to start something new, something good. But Alan wouldn’t, he kept saying not yet, maybe next year and in the end…in the end I couldn’t wait for him. I needed a commitment he wasn’t willing to give.’
‘And so you left?’
‘Yes’ her voice was tight ‘I left.’
‘So what would he have to do to change your mind?’ James asked.
Ellie gave a heavy sigh ‘I pleaded with him to talk to someone other than me, a therapist, a counsellor. He pointblank refused to do that, said he would work things through in his own way.’
James gave a wry smile ‘I’m afraid he probably gets that from me, that’s the Scot in him.’
‘Well it’s no excuse, I tried and tried to persuade him, to tell him what I wanted and he closed down.’ Despite herself she felt tears rise. ‘I really loved him James. I still love him, I think I always will, but it’s not enough any more.’
James said nothing but squeezed her hand harder. ‘Could I talk to him, try to convince him he’s being a fool?’
Ellie sighed ‘I appreciate your concern really I do and I have always felt loved and valued by you and Margaret, but it’s over between Alan and me.’
James spoke slowly, making an effort to keep his voice steady. ‘I hope you stay in touch, Ellie, you are part of the family and you’re welcome to come and stay any time. But…’
He stopped. He knew he should stop now, pay for the coffees, bid Ellie farewell and leave. But he also knew that despite his assurance that she would always be welcome that he was unlikely to see her again. So this was it, he could open up to her or he could walk away, out of her life.
‘You transformed Alan’ he said suddenly ‘you made him a better man, a happier man and I’ll always be grateful to you for that.’
He looked up to see her frowning.
‘We hardly ever see our grandchildren, Alan’s brother’s sons. Um, Margaret and his wife don’t get along. She’s very uptight…the wife, and Richard just goes along with it.’
Ellie wondered where this was going.
‘Ellie, I’m a old romantic fool and I allowed myself to dream. About you and Alan having children, long haired, dusty children with happy smiles and skint knees.’
‘Skint knees?’ Elllie smiled despite herself.
‘Oh Um…grazed you know from playing, I still have these words from….’
He stopped. ‘I’m sorry I’m making things worse aren’t I?’
Ellie’s voice was barely a whisper. ‘That’s what I wanted too it was Alan who didn’t want it, he didn’t share that dream. James he’s the one you need to talk to.’