Chapter Text
“Is this on?”
Of course it’s on! If you can make a chronal accelerator, I’m sure I can do this.
“I don’t think the microphone is on.”
Oh, it’s not. Don’t worry, this will all in transcript anyway. To all fans of Overwatch! That’s not right… To all members of the community!
“Déjà vu.”
Hi all! CurvedMedusa here! …Obviously… ahem As we eagerly and “patiently” await some more action in-game, I thought it’d be nice to entertain you all! So I brought a special guest with with me today. Introducing everybody’s favorite monk- growl …I mean scientist: Winston!
“Hi there!”
So Winston, why don’t you tell us about yourself?
“Well… uh… I’m Winston! I’m 29 years old. I… like peanut butter! And I’m the ape responsible for the recall of Overwatch!”
There you go! Wait… you’re 29 years old? How old do gorillas normally get?
“30-40 years. But I assure you, through my years of therapy at the lunar colony my lifespan has been greatly increased. I don’t think Hammond would’ve lived that long otherwise. Haha!”
UNLIKE YOU, THE HAMSTER IS UNKILLABLE!
What’s that supposed to mean?
“Pay him no mind.”
So what made you want to reform Overwatch?
“I mean, look around! Someone has to do something! WE have to do something! We can make a difference again. The world needs us now. More than ever! … Are you with me?”
“Yes, Winston. I am with you!”
I knew I shouldn’t have allowed guests. As inspiring (and outdated) as that was, maybe explain that with a bit less theatrics.
“Of course! Sorry, I get into the bit. Without a symbol like Overwatch, the world is more inclined to corruption, knowing that a band of heroes can’t and aren’t allowed to interfere with it.”
You’ve mentioned before that you think Overwatch specifically is the answer to the second Omnic Crisis. Care to explain why you think that?
“Overwatch not only consists of the most elite and versatile individuals on the planet, it also represents an international symbol of peace. Any man, woman, machine... and highly intelligent mammal brings along a piece of their nation, of their community and culture along with them. And we use and take advantage of our strength, quirks and dreams to build a better tomorrow.”
Well said, gorilla. Wait a minute… are you using this interview as an excuse to spread propaganda?
“What? No! I’m… just speaking my mind! This is an interview after all! … Is it working?”
Anyway, if Overwatch was this great symbol of peace, then why was it shut down?
“Well… you know, Overwatch had a lot of power, internationally. And power, no matter the circumstance, gets to people’s heads. Jack and Gabriel, and some of their more… eager supporters had grown more and more hostile, each trying to maintain more control over the other. We saw how that turned out. One wants to stay dead, and the other is death incarnate. Additionally, since Overwatch was an international task force, it was hard for individual countries, no matter how powerful, to keep a hold on us. That scared them, and fear causes people to act irrationally.”
Yet after all of that, you still awaited its return.
“Sure did! After Overwatch fell out, I stationed myself in Watchpoint: Gibraltar. I’ve kept the whole headquarters running by myself for six years! Technically, it’s supposed to be off limits, but Interpol won’t bother looking into the place anyways. That base is my jungle gym! I actually landed there by sheer coincidence after escaping the moon base. If I hadn’t landed there, I might not have become a member of Overwatch!”
Yeah… Horizon. Care to share memories of that or…
"Oh, no. That’s fine. I’ve had years to dwell on the colony. My early years as a subject were some of the better ones of my life. Dr. Winston was an incredible teacher and a great father figure. If he didn’t work as hard as he did with me, I wouldn’t be speaking with you right now, haha… As for the rest of my mates…
WATCH WHAT YOU SAY.
“…they also bared incredible intellect. Hammond here was among the greatest.”
THE HAMSTER IS THE GREATEST
“But even after all of the therapy… heck, probably because of all the therapy, they couldn’t keep control of their primal urges and succeeded in a mutiny that killed every single one of the people there. I couldn’t do anything about it… Despite my reasoning… despite my pleas and my attempts at action… I was only one of many great apes on that colony. It’s hard to argue when those like Calvin and Ellie are twice your size… Anyway, they succeeded in making the colony their territory. The uh… heh… moon of the apes. I had to look beyond that. Earth was calling to me, so I left. They didn’t care. They didn’t like me. Thought I had special treatment. I probably did…”
"Oi, Winston. Don’t beat yourself up.”
“Lena, when did you get here?”
Oh shoot! Ladies and gentlemen, Tracer!
whistles
“Aw, Em! You’re making me blush!”
“But you deserve it!”
“But that doesn’t matter right now. Winston, your humility is one the best things about you, but don’t be so sorry about yourself. You’re an amazing individual!”
“You’re the best monkey we know!”
“Well… I try my very hardest to do my best.”
“Overwatch’s return wouldn’t have happened like this without you. You done so much for me and the team!”
“Yeah, Winston! Without your call to action, me and Snowball would have probably wallowed in Antarctica until we froze and I would never have had the bravery to fight alongside you.”
“Without you, I wouldn’t have met the love of my life!”
WITHOUT YOU, THE HAMSTER WOULDN’T HAVE HAD A GETAWAY RIDE.
“Well… it’s been a bumpy ride to say the least. And…”
Don’t finish that sentence. It’s really uncomfortable watching a gorilla be so depressed. Tracer, would you care to explain the relationship you have with this ape?
“With pleasure! When I was stuck between time and a hard place, it was awful. I was worried I wouldn’t be able to properly exist again! And they almost gave up on me until you came along. Not only did you crack the code on my condition, but you didn’t rest until I could exist among the existing again!”
“I couldn’t just leave you there!”
“And not only that, you kept me company as you helped me recover. It was all I could ask for, to be acknowledged and greeted by someone when I had so much trouble with that myself. And beyond that, you’re just a great guy. You’re friendly, humble, and you’ve got a great sense of humor. You’re a little awkward, but that makes you so human. Well… you know what I mean.”
“Don’t tell me you’re leaving me for the monkey, Lena.”
“Aw, Em. You know I love you more than anything! Winston’s up there though.” -SMOOCH-
Blegh. That’s gross. Adorable, but gross. And why do they get to call you monkey?
“You don’t know me like they do. And thanks guys, I really needed that.”
“Oh! I knew I forgot something! We got a little distracted since we just got here, but we brought you something for the interview.”
Uh… are those?
“For the last time…” -kzzrt kzzrt- “NO MORE BANANAS!” -RAWR-
GYAGH! Apparently he draws the line at offensive stereotypes! While the monkey is trashing the place, feel free to ask me or him some questions. Whether it’s about his love life or his favorite movie. [Seriously! :) ↓↓↓↓↓↓]
“IT’S KING KONG 1976!”
I should’ve expected that. Toodleloo!