Chapter Text
It started off easy.
She fell in love with the energetic bundle of too much hope and too little experience like a seed grows into a flourishing flower. It took time, time Carmilla definitely had and could spend doing practically nothing at all. It also took more than just a few arguments, quiet nights listening to the young girl slowly falling asleep and long walks under the lonely moon. It started off easy, like a tide washing over more and more sand until it had covered her completely. Carmilla had abandoned the thought of loving someone else many lifetimes ago, but when she suddenly found herself completely taken by Laura it was like something flicked a switch within her.
All that mattered from that moment on was the young girl.
Eternity was never something Carmilla had desired, a good life would have been more than enough to satisfy her. When a forever was given to her without her being able to reject it, it took a toll at her mind and even more at her sanity. She went crazy, mad kind of crazy. Her innocence was dipped in dark shades of red until there was no trace of innocents left, it was the colours of hundreds of people who paid with their life to her bloodthirst. Only, she paid that same price. More than once. She still sees the faces of all her victims in her dreams. Every single one of them.
She never asked for this. Although, in her own twisted way she was glad it happened.
"Are you sure about this?", she whispered, and the younger girl looked up at her from where she was lying with her head in Carmilla's lap, she looked up with furrowed brows and a confused look in her bright eyes.
"Of course I am", she answered without a second slipping by them. "Are you?".
In the void in Carmilla's chest, a hollow memory of a heartbeat picked up its pace and the memory of that filled her cold body.
It pushed the dark thoughts out of her mind and she felt herself relax into the warmth radiating off of Laura´s body.
She would have lied if she said that she was certain. If she said that she truly believed that this plan of theirs was the right choice. Because it was not the right one. What they were about to do was wrong on so many levels it made her fingers tingle, as they did when she was put in a situation she wanted to get out right that second.
Alhough, she wanted it.
She wanted it with all her body, all of her empty shell and forevers. It was selfish. She was selfish for wanting it that much. Still, even though she had lived more lifetimes than anyone should and had taken advantage of all its perks, she had never once wanted to share her forever. Not until Laura came into her life with all her innocence, all her stupid hopes, all of those silly dreams and bright, oh so bright, eyes filled with more life than Carmilla had ever felt in all her lifetime.
She wanted it.
All of it.
"I love you", was all she could answer. Followed by a deep sigh.
Laura reached up with a gentle hand to pull back a few strands of hair tickling at Carmilla's cheek. Laura's hand fixed the curls behind Carmilla's ear and then her hand travelled back to her neck. Carmilla leaned into the touch, she could not help herself, because it felt so good to be in Laura's hands, to be touched by Laura in the most precious way. That same hand pulled her closer down to Laura's face and the smile touching upon Laura's lips just before she pressed them to Carmilla´s was the only answer Carmilla needed.
It was the only answer she would ever need.
At least, that was what she told herself over and over like a prayer.
--
“So how does it work?”, the young girl asked as she slumped down on top of her bed.
“I will have to kill you”. There was no gentle way to put it. So, she did not even try to make it seem less horrific or violent than what it was. Even if it could possibly make the brunette take off within the blink of an eye. Maybe it would have been for the best if she had. That would have been for the best, Carmilla knew it was. Still, the words did not feel easy to say. She did her best not to let on that she was afraid that the young girl would come to her senses. Carmilla ran a hand through her hair absentmindedly, pulling it back from the hairline and through to the ends. Her long black curls fell back into place as soon as her hand left them. As she prepared herself to continue the thought of Laura´s blood flickered through her mind and her tongue peeked out and licked at her lips. It was a habit she had not been able to get rid of. It was especially difficult to keep herself from doing it at the thought of Laura´s blood. “My bite will release a poison, which will spread through your blood, and it will set off a molecular change in your cells. It will be excruciatingly painful”, she explained with a steady and flat voice. Unaffected. Steeled.
It was all an act.
Laura´s eyes flickered down to the floor for a moment. When they looked back up at Carmilla's again, nothing had changed in them.
“Will it happen quickly?”. Carmilla looked at her, waiting for a continuation to the question. For the penny to drop. When those brown eyes stayed fixed on her without Laura seeming to understand the importance of the words, a bitter laugh rolled off of Carmilla's tongue as she closed her eyes in disbelief. It was low and harsh, burning as it made its way through her throat. “Why are you laughing?”, the young girl´s voice was filled with annoyance and perhaps humiliation as well.
When Carmilla met Laura´s eyes again she saw the annoyance and even spots of anger in the young girl´s eyes. It was not the first time Carmilla picked up on those dark shades in her brown eyes, it was one of the negative effects of her cold ways - her reaction could be taken as a superior one.
“Because your precious pop culture got it all wrong, sweetheart”, Carmilla answered as she sat down on the edge of her own bed. She knew that she would have to spell it out for her, that she had to be perfectly clear, brutal even, so that Laura had no chance to misinterpret anything. It hurt though. Like something slowly burning her palms, leaving blistered patches of skin behind and cutting deeper into the flesh of her hands by the second. It hurt because she knew how it felt. She would never forget her own screams and the sound of her own heart coming to a stop. And all of the terror she had experienced during her own turning.
Laura will never be able to forget either.
Neither of them will.
“No matter how fast I… it does not just happen. It is not like chugging a beer. I cannot drink all of your blood within minutes, it takes time and in that moment every second will feel like another hour”, she tried her hardest to choose the right words, the ones that would make the biggest impact on the young girl sitting in front of her. Nineteen years. How in the world would she understand the fundamental pain of leaving this world and then being jerked back into it, into a body that would betray her, into a mind that would trick her into doing the worst things possible. So, she drew in a breath, a breath that was but only a memory of something she once needed. Then she said it, the things that could potentially change everything, “you are going to beg me to stop. You will try to slip out of my grip, push, kick and hit me with all your force, but you will have none. I will not stop drinking. I cannot stop drinking. With every passing second your body will begin to feel heavier, your mind is going to feel blocked and after a while everything will go numb”.
Carmilla's eyes had avoided Laura's, but when that last word fell off her tongue she had to look up. Her gaze found Laura's brow still furrowed, now in that cute little way they did when she was trying to figure something out, hands in her lap, shoulders hanging loose and relaxed. She's so young, Carmilla thought, and it hurt her even deeper. The thought of Laura and that pain was unthinkable yet there they were. It hurt. That is all Carmilla understood as she pressed her open burning palms to her thighs, trying her best not to soothe the ache by reaching out and touching the only thing that would help. Because she could not touch Laura in that moment. She just could not jeopardise Laura taking it all in just because Carmilla needed her.
“Then it won´t hurt anymore?”, Laura asked after another minute of silence. Her eyes met Carmilla's fully.
Carmilla could already see them fall into darkness under her own hands.
“The numbness lasts for seconds in comparison to the feeling of your limbs being ripped off your body, one by one. After the numbness, your heart will slow down. Your brain will shut down first, then the rest of your organs. You will be dead. When the poison has spread through your whole body the change will slowly begin. It can take up to a fortnight before it is completed”.
With those final words, the truth was said. It was hanging onto thin air. Blocking Carmilla from slipping over to the other bed. Stopping her from ending the vibrating ache shooting through her body.
She watched as the words slowly sunk into the younger girl, and then the confusion found its way back to those brown eyes.
“Hang on, you said that the poison spreads through my blood”, Laura began and Carmilla hoped and dreaded that she would catch onto what she knew Laura was about to ask her.
“Yes”.
“But if there's no blood, then what-”, Laura´s voice fell short. Her brows were knitted tightly before they smoothed out. Those brown eyes shot up and fixed at Carmilla's, they flashed with irritation for a moment before they were filled with fear. Now you know, Carmilla thought and felt her nails dig into her thighs. “Carmilla, what happens if you-”, she interrupted herself with a silent gasp as it all fell into place.
Carmilla licked her lips, taking one second to prepare herself.
“You will die and there is nothing in this world that could bring you back”. Laura´s shoulders were drown up slightly now. Her composure was no longer relaxed and open. And Carmilla had to restrain herself from jumping over to the other bed and holding the younger girl. But she could not touch her, not yet, there were still things she needed to say. “I have to drain you. For the poison to have a successful effect I will have to drain you”, she said, and her voice may have sounded steady, but it took all of her supernatural power to not hiss them out like the poison they were. It took all of her patience and strength to not let the memory of the pain consume her. “There are no guarantees to this, Laura”.
It was an understatement.
During her lifetime she had witnessed many attempts at creating another one of her kind. She had only been witness to one successful change and he turned his back on her, even though she was the one that fought for his innocence. Mother, as their creator liked them to call her, never cared about that, all she wanted was power and that was gained through investing in reckless creations. Carmilla had lived through lifetime after lifetime, seen a new age built up from ashes, watched humans turn on humans, and countries shake under tyrants, yet nothing had ever compared to the raid of emotions that were evoked by this girl. Nothing compared to what Laura made her think, dream and hope for.
Carmilla did not even remember the last time she had any hope for anything before Laura.
“That´s why you didn´t change her”.
Carmilla did not register the words at first, too caught up in her own thoughts, but then the words hit her like a slap to the face. She had not talked about her in a long time, since that night she told Laura everything, but even then, after promising to be honest and open about it all, she had not been able to tell Laura about this part. Not because Carmilla still loved her, because those feelings had long died, she had not been able to tell Laura about it because it had been too early. Carmilla had not known how to tell Laura that she had the chance to save that girl or that if the change had been successful, she might still have been alive. Carmilla could not tell her that, because she was still ashamed over the fact that she had not offered another solution.
Carmilla was young back then, young in her new form, young in the years she had spent as a creature of the night, young in the years she had been a puppet controlled by Mother. She was too young and knew too little, but she could have offered her something new. Carmilla knew however that it would not have ended any differently, she would have died, and it would have been all Carmilla´s fault anyway.
“I do not want to lose you”, Carmilla exhaled as tears pricked at her eyes, not heavy enough to break through her guard, but enough in numbers to make her breath turn shaky. Her eyes had found their way back to the floor, so she could not see Laura moving at first, but then her feet appeared in front of Carmilla and then the mattress gave in a little as Latura sat down next to Carmilla. Laura´s hand slipped in, and her arm hooked with Carmilla's, her finger laced together with Carmilla´s.
Yet again, Carmilla exhaled, and it was far from steady.
Laura placed her head on Carmilla's shoulder and sighed as she squeezed Carmilla´s hand.
“You won't”, she said and Carmilla was starting to believe her. Or maybe it was just that stupid hope that had started to rub off on her. Then two lips pressed against her cheek, they lingered there and left behind a burning mark as Laura leaned back again to place her head back on Carmilla's shoulder. It was a satisfying burn. “I won't let you”.
--
She had been wearing that batwing every day – it was non-negotiable.
It had little, close to nothing, to do with the fear of her ending up in the hands of yet another of Carmilla's kind. No. It was all about the fact that Carmilla knew what she did to Laura simply by being close to her. She knew of the effects of her very presence, how everything about her was magnetic, electric, addictive. She knew how easily Laura would give herself up without hesitation, without asking how or why, even without expecting to live afterwards.
The batwing was a laughable attempt at shielding Laura from all that.
But it was something
And at that point, Carmilla was not willing to risk anything.
Since the first night, Laura showed any interest in her, Carmilla´s mind had practically been occupied by those thoughts; how easy it would have been to have her, to take her and give nothing in return. But after that night she found Laura in the hands of her brother, her vindictive and ruthless brother, she had been even more aware of her own movements. Every time Laura touched her, even if it had been by accident, Carmilla counted the seconds and watched for any abnormal reaction from Laura's side. Carmilla knew how to restrain herself, but that did not mean that it was easy. It was far from easy. Sometimes she was pretty sure that it was Laura who got her under a spell.
Maybe her own emotions had put her under a spell.
It had been decades since someone made Carmilla feel anything, years and years since somebody could even make her stop for a moment and think twice about her actions. That in itself was a great change. It was all of those thoughts that had kept her up at night even after she convinced Laura to wear the bracelet.
They would not give her any peace.
Carmilla watched, silently, as Laura moved around the room, picking up clothes here and there, and putting them into Carmilla's green shuffle bag. They had been staying at that Bed and Breakfast for the last three days, spent most of their time watching old black and white movies and occasionally going out to get something to eat. Luckily the vending machine in the reception had stored for a nuclear war and it had had some pretty good chocolate cookies. They had retreated to the eastern part of Austria, not far from the town of Klosterneuburg. Close enough to be within range of civilization, though still as far away as they needed to disappear into the thick woods when they felt like it. They had been waiting it out, the storm that is. It had been pouring down for the last couple of days, nonstop. The wind had been brutal and ravaging along by the rain that threatened to wash everything away. They had been waiting it out, or more like Laura had been waiting it out. Carmilla had made a demand two months earlier – that Laura would have to wait two months until they tried to perform the transition. It had been an ask about merely eight weeks, and if she at the end of the waiting period was sure Carmilla still wanted to, then they would do it.
Laura had agreed and this was it.
The next marked the day when it had been eight weeks and Laura was packing.
She has not changed her mind.
Carmilla did not want her to change her mind.
Yet, Carmilla watched the young girl and with every new piece of clothing she packed away, Carmilla's cold and still heart jerked awake for a split second. She was ready. Yet she was far from being ready for what was about to happen. How in the world was she supposed to be ready for it, to kill the love of her life and then wait by her body to see if she would come back to her. If she would come back. That truth was its own echo and it resonated in Carmilla's body like the distant sound of a drum. She sighed as she pushed off of the bedframe to lay down on the bed on her stomach, placing her chin on her folded arms in front of her.
A soft breeze of Laura's perfume met her when Laura walked past her.
The young girl had her hair in a messy bun, something she had had more often after she triumphantly discovered that it was one of the things Carmilla could not stand. She did it to tease Carmilla, and Carmilla knew it. Her bottom lip was already caught in between her teeth at the first sight of Laura's slender neck, she knew how soft the skin was and how Laura would melt in her hands if she brushed her fangs ever so gently against that spot below her ear. Carmilla had to give herself some credit for not giving in at first sight.
It was things like that that made the thoughts bearable.
Even better, it was because of the promise of being challenged and teased every day for as long as the earth would exist that made Carmilla believe that it was right. It might have been an easy way out of feeling guilty, but at that point feeling guilty or not did not really matter. Not to either of them anyway. Carmilla had already spent too many years feeling guilty for losing one love, she would not lose the one love too. She would not make the same mistake twice. Yet again, she could only do that much and then fate would be back in control and Carmilla had never believed in something as fictional as fate.
Laura looked up as she folded one of Carmilla's shirts, those brown eyes found Carmilla's and Carmilla did not care. She did not care about fate or the existence of the world, all of what she was could be found in that room at the Bed and Breakfast and all of what she was belonged to the girl with a pair of bright eyes and a tender smile.
Laura scoffed playfully and Carmilla's heart jumped, cold as it may have been it still knew when something, or someone, really meant something.
--
"In what way is that supposed to make me feel better?!"
She was yelling.
Carmilla rarely raised her voice, she often turned her words into knife-sharp hisses instead of resulting into yelling. Yet, here she was – yelling loudly. At a pissed-off Laura. Although, furious might have been a better word to describe Laura´s current state.
They had been at it for less than fifteen minutes. They had not needed more than a few exchanges of seemingly tame sentences for the fury to be lit and a couple of minutes into the conversation the flames were burning bright and red in both of their eyes. Luckily Laura's father had gone out for the day to do some errands, otherwise, he would have been the awkward audience to the argument. That is all that was missing from turning that whole situation into a real circus.
"What do you want me to say?", Laura replied and struggled to keep her voice down.
Carmilla's hands had already turned into fists and her knuckles flashed white. She rubbed her closed hands over her thighs, pressing hard, to keep them from twitching. Only Laura could push her too far, get her into that unstable state where the animal in her tried to get a hold of her. Her eyes were fixed on the carpet and a particularly nasty burn mark next to the table, because she could not allow herself to look up. She could not look at Laura while she was trying to get back in control, while a pulse she should not have was pounding in her ears and the cold blood in her veins was boiling. She knew that part of her strong reaction was due to the fact that she had not fed in a couple of days, and she regretted the choice of not going hunting the day before as she felt the hunger churn within her. She could not look at Laura, because if she did then there were no guarantees that she would be able to contain herself without doing something bad, something that would potentially leave new marks on Mr Hollis' carpet.
"Not that, that is for sure".
"So, what, I'm not allowed to be honest!" The young girl almost fell forward with those words, rage pouring out of her like she was ready to take a shot at Carmilla who was still sitting on the couch, hunched over herself. "Don't you want me to tell you what I want?!".
"No!" Carmilla flew up from her seat. Her upper lip pulled back, showing off her fangs. When she exhaled her breath came out as a low hiss. Every single one of her nails was digging into her hips, leaving half-moon marks all over her hipbones. Laura did not flinch at the sight of her. At the sight of Carmilla in this form, partially human, partially beast.
"Why are you so against this?", Laura asked, her voice back to somewhat less harsh. Carmilla did not answer. The words would not find her. "Is it because of Will?". Carmilla saw red, even more so at that name. She could hear the slight rise of Laura´s pulse. If Carmilla focused, she could smell the coppery taste of Laura´s blood as it flowed through her veins, fast and hot. Carmilla´s lip twitched, and her throat vibrated with a silent purr. Laura´s eyes followed the length of Carmilla's body and if Carmilla had been able to lift her gaze from the younger girl´s throat she would have seen the change in those brown eyes as realized what was happening. "Carmilla".
Laura took a step forward and Carmilla had to steel herself with all of her force to not jump her.
"Stay away from me”, she growled, more like an animal than a human, and there was nothing calm or soft about those words. They were a warning. If it had been anyone else than Laura standing in front of her, Carmilla would not have been able to stop herself. She would have sunk her teeth into her neck and brought her down to settle the screaming thirst inside of her.
"You won't hurt me. I know you won't".
"Laura-".
"Remember how you told me about the first time you transformed", the young girl interrupted, completely ignoring the way her name was pressed through gritted teeth. Carmilla allowed herself to nod, slowly. "You said that it made you feel everything at once. You said that it heightened your senses, that you could hear and smell things you had not been able to before", Laura continued without any hesitation in her voice or posture. "You told me that you needed to kill. Not that you wanted to, it was a need that came from somewhere within you. So, you killed everyone that crossed your path without hesitating. Until you had run straight through the town and back to the mansion where you found-".
"Claire". The name was sweet on the tip of Carmilla's tongue. Sweet and tender. It made her shoulders relax ever so slightly, letting her take that one breath she did not need and the only thing that made her feel back in control again.
"Yeah. She was your maid's daughter, right? They were the closest thing you had to a family", Laura said and Carmilla listened, really listened. Her nails retracted from pressing into her skin, leaving small and bleeding puncture holes over her hips. "You had killed dozens that night, but when you found her, a child you could have killed within the blink of an eye, you stopped. Why did you stop, Carm?".
Carmilla exhaled. Every single bit of that tension that her body had been possessed by was pulled out of her through that one breath. Her eyes shut and she felt as though her body was on the verge of giving in, but she was still standing when she flickered her eyes open again.
"Because I adored that little girl", she answered and when their eyes met all Carmilla saw was freedom. Since the day she woke at the break of dawn after the transformation, covered in her own dried-up blood, aching limbs and that ravaging thirst for killing and relishing in it as well, she had not felt free. The anger and loneliness held her chained to the animal inside of her. Even though she had experienced warmth and joy over the years, she had not gotten rid of that beast that wanted to live out every nightmare known and unknown to man. Not until this moment. Not until someone she loved cared enough to step in the way, and force her out of that state. Not until she was snapped out of it with kind words and still movements. "Laura".
The young girl shook her hands but took a step closer.
"Don't say it. I'm sorry. I know that you're worried and that you don't want to talk about that night, but I want to get over it and the best way to do it is to face it". Carmilla met her halfway, reached out to touch her, to settle that tug at her chest. Laura´s hand was warm, and comforting, as it held onto Carmilla´s with the same pressure. "I want to do it", the young girl said and Carmilla sighed. She knew that they would not leave this argument without one of them giving in and Laura was just as bad as Carmilla. Neither of them would let it go unless they could find a compromise that suited them both. Laura laced their fingers together and tugged Carmilla closer to her. "Carmilla. Take me there", she whispered and there was no question in her voice.
"If I do, you will have to promise me something", Carmilla replied as she reached up to caress that sweet and young face. Her heart jumped as she felt the heated skin under her fingers, skin heated by anger, anger that she caused.
"Okay", Laura answered as she leaned into the touch.
"No, not okay. You need to promise me that you will do it".
Laura´s brows furrowed. "As long as it's not what I think it is".
"Promise me, Laura. Promise me and I will take you with me", Carmilla persisted and caressed Laura's cheek with her thumb by long and slow strokes. Laura searched her gaze for an answer, but she could not read Carmilla´s intentions. When she sighed the air brushed against Carmilla's face.
"Alright, I promise. What do you want me to do?".
"Wait. Give it two months. Come October and if you have not changed your mind, then I will give you the bite".
It was the only thing Carmilla could think of.
The only thought that occupied her being and that in itself scared her.
The thought of turning Laura – even scarier.
So, this was the compromise Carmilla was willing to allow because at least with that she could hope that Laura would change her mind.
"Deal", Laura was quick to answer, but then she bit her lip and Carmilla's eyes flickered down to it. She worried that lip for another moment before releasing it, letting Carmilla's eyes find their way back up to Laura´s. "On one condition", the brunette said and Carmilla could not help but smirk. Of course, she could not get off that easy. It would almost be disappointing if she had.
"This is not negotiable".
"You don't understand", Laura replied as she lowered her gaze, a smile playing at the corner of her mouth. Carmilla had to restrain herself from reaching out and capturing that smile with her lips. "I will keep my promise. I will wait two months, but if something has changed before that then we won't do it".
"What do you mean by something?", Carmilla asked, very confused by Laura´s choice of words.
When the young girl finally looked back up, her gaze was filled with tender love. The kind of love only those whose hope has not been crushed by the world can emanate.
"If you have changed your mind during those months, then you cannot give me the bite no matter how much I beg and try to convince you", Laura explained and Carmilla leaned back to try and gauge the girl in front of her better, unsure that she heard those words correctly coming from Laura. But Laura tugged her right back, so they were standing even closer than before with their chests now flushed together. "I do not want it if you do not want to give it to me".
Carmilla's eyes were fixed on Laura´s. They did not need to flicker down to her lips. Kissing her could not compare to the intimacy they shared in that moment and Carmilla let it take over her whole being. Then Carmilla’s lips formed a small smile, that one smile she reserved for Laura alone. When she leaned in Laura followed and as they closed their eyes, they stood flushed together, chest against chest, forehead pressed to forehead, exhaling breaths like the the only air their lungs could breathe was the one they shared, holding onto each other with gentle hands and arms.
The unsaid 'I love you' hung in the air between them.
Carmilla had heard the words coming from Laura's lips so many times before that she did not need to hear them at that moment to know what they sounded like. They had the same effect no matter what. So instead, she gave her silence to the young girl and just breathed with her, letting the both of them just be with one another in the moment.
--
Laura´s hand was steady. Steady and slow it slipped the bracelet off of her wrist. They had gone through this, step by step, over and over again until Laura could retell the whole thing word for word as if Carmilla was the one talking. Carmilla had wanted to prepare her as thoroughly as possible, especially when it came to the worst parts. She needed to make sure that when they would be in that moment, Laura would know what would come next, when one feeling would turn into the opposite when she would start to fight for her life and cry out for help. Carmilla needed to hear the words come from Laura and not only from her own mouth so that she knew what would happen.
The young girl placed the batwing bracelet on the nightstand and then folded her hands in her lap. Carmilla watched her with careful eyes, waiting for something else to happen. When Laura exhaled, let her shoulders fall down and raised her gaze up to meet Carmilla´s there was no hesitation mixed in with that beautiful brown shade.
Neither of them said it.
There was no need to.
Laura got up and walked over to the door, she flipped the lights off and opened the door ajar. Carmilla's fingers grabbed the keychain off the bedcovers, as she approached the door Laura slipped out. Carmilla closed the door behind them and made sure that it was locked properly, before turning to the other girl. They did not say it, but it was there - the anticipation, the worry, excitement, love and fear. Only the wind broke the silence as it tugged at the building, making the walls creak. As they left the room Carmilla's hand found its way to the small of Laura´s back. It was only a gentle touch, yet it was needed for the effects to start kicking in. Every little touch would help to break down the lasting block the bracelet had put up.
Took half an hour to drive out to the spot Carmilla had found on the map where they would be well out of range for anyone to hear them.
Laura´s hand was holding onto Carmilla's the whole way, not letting go even when Carmilla needed to shift gears. They managed it though. The silence was not heavy or pressing. Laura thought that it was almost nice to not talk after all the talking they had been doing. At least when they were quiet, Laura could watch Carmilla and try to memorize every small detail of her face. How her hands felt and the small glances Carmilla shot over at her, almost like Carmilla was unaware of herself doing so. Laura tried to keep herself calm, both for herself and Carmilla.
Carmilla felt the slow rise of Laura´s pulse, body temperature and the way her body leaned closer to her the further they got from the Bed and Breakfast. She knew that once they stopped Laura would not feel any of the batwing’s effects anymore. It was better that way, at least it would help Laura to not feel as scared. Even though Laura had argued that she was not scared, that she would not be in that moment during the bite either, Carmilla knew from experience that that never lasts - when the curtain falls the young girl would be a deer in front of a couple of headlights, frightened out of her mind.
Carmilla pulled the car to a stop at the rest area.
She slumped back in the seat, eyes fixed in front of her, not even looking out to see if there was by any chance someone else in the area.
“Hey”. Laura squeezed Carmilla's hand, trying to draw attention to herself. Carmilla's chest fell as she let out the breath, she had been holding for a few more minutes than humanly possible. “Look at me, Carm”, Laura told her, and she obliged. A small smile was displayed on the young girl´s lips. “You okay?”.
“I have not changed my mind”, Carmilla answered.
“That was not what I asked”.
Her chest fell yet again and with it, she laughed quietly. Sometimes the young girl surprised her with her unique way of seeing through Carmilla like she was merely made of glass.
“Yes”, Carmilla said as she nodded. Laura eyed her and Carmilla reached up with the other hand that was not trapped in Laura´s grip and caressed her cheek. “I am okay, cupcake”.
Laura leaned into the touch and Carmilla could not tell if it was because she wanted to or if she had no choice in the matter. The young girl exhaled and then placed a lingering kiss on Carmilla's wrist. Her lips were still connected to Carmilla's porcelain skin as she whispered, “should we go?”.
Carmilla nodded but did not move away. If that was one of the last moments they would ever have, she wanted to cherish it as best she could. She stroked Laura´s cheek once more, over her lips and down over her chin. She wanted time to stop, right now. She wanted to have this moment forever.
But she knew that they could not stay there. They still had to get to the campsite before dark.
So gritted her teeth and opened the car door.
As soon as they were out of the car Laura was attached to Carmilla's side, one arm around her waist, holding them pressed to each other. Carmilla placed her arm over the younger girl´s shoulder, occasionally stroking over her collarbone and teasing the hem of her t-shirt. Laura´s skin cooled down from the chilly wind although she was wearing one of her thickest coats. Still, every time Carmilla´s finger brushed against that naked skin, let them linger a little before moving them to another spot, she felt the warmth under the skin. She knew that when it came down to it the young girl´s body would be burning under her hands even though her skin was cold as ice.
After a mile of walking slow and close, Laura's hand began to tug even harder onto Carmilla's side and when the brunette placed her head in an awkward position with her head on Carmilla's shoulder, Carmilla´s supposition was confirmed as right. So, she took a left and hurried them along for the remaining quarter of a mile until they reached the clearing.
They had gone through this, step by step.
Carmilla stopped and brought Laura in front of her, holding her tightly to her chest as her hands stroked up and down the younger girl´s back. If she was given the choice to remain like that forever, she would. Nothing made her feel as safe and at home as this girl did. Maybe they could allow themselves to feel safe with one another, with the world for another moment, until was to be ripped from their arms. Carmilla had to give herself that because it might be the last time she felt like giving something precious to herself.
Soft lips brushed against the curb of her neck, sending shivers down her spine. Laura´s touch had always had that effect on her.
Carmilla let it happen.
She let those lips torture her neck and up her jaw until they were pressing desperately against Carmilla´s. A small gasp escaped her as Laura´s tongue reached out to part her lips and she let it. She let herself relish in the sweet taste of Laura, of how the young girl´s hands tangled in her hair, how her nails scratched at Carmilla's scalp. She let it fill them both up and she pulled just as hard as Laura.
The kiss turned into more. Turned into hands clawing at any piece of clothing they could get a hold of. Turned into Laura pressed up against a tree with one leg twisted around Carmilla's waist. She pushed Laura´s coat out of the way but trapped it between Laura´s back and the stem of the tree as she lifted the young girl up. Their hips flushed together, pulling sounds of pleasure out of both of them, but it was not enough by any means. Not enough pressure. When Laura bit down on Carmilla's lip, sucking at it hard and then letting it go with a soft hum at the back of her throat, Carmilla could feel her fangs behind her upper lip. The hunger that rapidly made her mind pay more and more attention to Laura´s pulse instead of her movements matched the growing heat in her abdomen.
At this point all Carmilla wanted was to bring Laura to the point where it would not hurt as much. To the point where it would not hurt herself as much to see the love of her life die in her own arms.
So, she slipped her right hand from Laura´s thigh to the waistband of her jeans. She unbuttoned them as she caught Laura´s mouth in a bruising kiss. Her fingers were in Laura´s underwear, meeting the wetness and warmth with eagerness, drawing a tremble from the young girl´s lips.
Laura moaned loudly and could no longer keep herself from grabbing at the back of Carmilla´s head, almost tearing at her hair and skin. Carmilla hissed long and low in response. Carmilla urged her on further with a sudden thrust of two fingers into her, drowning the sounds of pleasure erupting from Laura with her mouth hot on her. When she was forced to reposition herself and let go of Laura´s lips, the young girl whispered Carmilla´s name.
Carmilla wanted to hear it again, but Laura pulled her head into the crook of her neck, nails scraping into her skull like tiny knives.
There was an instinctual reflex that made Carmilla draw her upper lip back and widen her jaw. But she forced herself to pull back ever so slightly from Laura´s neck and that racing pulse beneath the skin. However, she could not help but reach forward with her tongue and take a taste of her skin. Once again, she hissed at the dizzying smell of warm and fresh blood.
“Do it”, Laura said, voice much lower than usual and heavy. She encouraged Carmilla with a tilt of her head to the side to give Carmilla better access.
They had gone through this, step by step, more times than Carmilla could remember.
They went through this.
Yet when her fangs penetrated the skin of Laura´s neck simultaneously as she curled her fingers inside of her, she was not prepared for the wave of pleasure that hit her. All of the worrying and anticipation exploded inside of her, setting off a rush of heat flowing through her whole body. She gulped at the young girl´s neck and tried her hardest to keep it at a steady and slow rhythm, but she tasted so good. Like something that should never be experienced.
It was all of the talking and planning, looking to the future with open eyes and bright minds. It was all of that love that kept her from falling over, from bringing them both down to the mossy ground, even though her body was shaking in ecstasy.
Her fingers kept up their work, thrusting and stroking, carefully tending to all of Laura´s sensitive spots. The young girl in her arms quivered in pleasure and begged for more and Carmilla gave everything she could to keep Laura in that feeling of ecstasy and climax.
They´ve gone through it, all of it, time and time again.
Carmilla wanted more time.
She did not want it to stop, but slowly she started to notice the smallest of changes in Laura's body.
First, how her hands let go of their tight grip on Carmilla´s hair, only to grip even tighter. Then, the way she tried to lift herself off of Carmilla's fingers, only to rock back again. Everything after that happened quickly, just like Carmilla had warned.
Laura let go completely of Carmilla's neck and started to push at her shoulders, but she was not nearly as strong and as Carmilla drank from her neck Laura’s strength weakened. What started to hurt Carmilla and make her seconds think for a second was the sound of Laura´s quiet whines followed by a high-pitched one in distress. After that followed the rest of the changes like dominoes, she squirmed, she pushed, she started to cry, and then she began to hit Carmilla.
Carmilla could not allow herself to think.
Just follow the steps. Otherwise, she would not be able to carry out the plan.
It was at this point that Carmilla abandoned Laura´s underwear and gripped tightly at her thighs with both her hands to keep the young girl in place, pressing even harder against the stem of the tree. Laura was trapped and there was no way for her to escape. Carmilla tried to not feel the powerless slaps and hits at her upper body and face. Even as Laura clawed at her neck and tried to push Carmilla's face away from her own neck.
They had gone through this.
It did not matter, Carmilla still felt like a murderer when she locked the young girl´s arms above her head with one hand to keep her from hitting her again.
“No, no. Stop it!”
Carmilla heard every word but could not let herself stop. She drank and drank, tried to block out the screams, screams that after another moment did not even form any words at all. It was just sounds of desperation. It was enough because no matter how many times Carmilla told herself that it was working, that everything would be fine when Laura came back, she still felt like she was killing the only good thing in her life.
It took so long, too long.
She was doing something wrong, Carmilla started to doubt herself but forced herself to continue. She had never done this before. Her mind rushed with thoughts and guilt, doubts and stupid stupid hope, but that was all she had left - hope. She had to believe that it was going to work, otherwise she had truly killed the only one she had wanted in forever.
Carmilla did not register when Laura stopped screaming. She only noticed when Laura's body suddenly slumped down over her. She was so taken by surprise, so she stepped back and then fell to the side, bringing Laura down with her. She could not stop, not yet. So, she kept drinking until she could merely draw drops from the young girl's neck, only then did she stop and lean back. What her eyes found would forever be imprinted on her mind - the young girl pale, her vibrant eyes staring emptily up to the sky and her lips parted like in a silent cry.
“Laura?”.
There was no answer.
The quiet had never left Carmilla as impatient as it did at this moment.
--
The streets were quiet, waiting for the sun to appear over the horizon any minute, ready to welcome a new day all over again.
Laura had her hands in her pockets, eyes looking down at the pavement, brows furrowed in thought. Carmilla could not stop herself from looking at her. Maybe because she was waiting for a reaction or comment. Most definitely because Laura was so breathtakingly beautiful. Her brown long hair was sprawled over her shoulders, two strands pulled back and twisted on each side of her head and connected at the back of her head with hairpins. It had been a long night, yet tired looked good on her. Carmilla could only imagine a handful of things that looked bad on her lover, all of which were shades of loss. She kept a respectful distance, even though she rather wanted to hold the young girl´s hand or have her own on the small of her back.
They had been walking for the last thirty minutes in complete silence. It was not awkward, just calm. Carmilla did not know if it was the kind of calm that appeared before a storm or not.
She hoped on the latter.
“Can I ask you something?”.
Carmilla looked over at Laura, expecting to find her gaze but it was still following the pavement.
“Have I ever stopped you”, Carmilla said and tried her best to lighten the mood, but the other girl did not laugh. She did not even twitch. “Of course, you can ask me something. Anything”.
She watched Laura lick her lips, slowly, and her biceps flexed as if she was tensing up. Sometimes Carmilla almost wished that she would not be able to notice things like that, things that make her think the worst things possible.
Right now, for example, she was half expecting the young girl to start running away from her any minute.
It would have been the wise choice in many ways if she did.
“After that night when all that with Will happened, I came back to the dorm, you were in the bathroom and I was just going to go to bed and not think of it ever again”, she said and Carmilla's hands turned into fists at his name. I should have killed him, she thought. That thought had been recurrent since that night and Carmilla guessed that she would have to live with it for the rest of her life. Because he had almost ruined everything. Laura did not seem to notice Carmilla deep in thought as she continued, “but then I saw some blood on your pillowcase, so I turned it over and blood was smeared all over the pillow”. Laura´s eyes glanced up at that and they were filled with a soul-breaking confusion, maybe even understanding on some deep level that she did not know she might reach if she would think of the possibilities. Carmilla realized what Laura was about to ask her and there was no way to get out of it. She had to tell her. She should have told her already. “I wanted to ask you about it, but when you came out from the bathroom you looked so angry and… ruined. So, I didn´t. That night when I took your hand as you turned over in your sleep and put your arm around me, I felt the healing wounds on your palms and down your wrist”. Carmilla nodded. The younger girl stopped below a streetlight, the yellowed light fell over them and when Laura turned fully to face Carmilla her face was shaded. Those brown eyes though were just as bright as ever before and still as confused. “Carmilla, what happened after I went out that night?”, she finally asked and Carmilla scoffed.
“We have just been to a club, a rave, filled with vampires and their human blood bags as I was waiting for you to call them, but this is what you want to ask me”.
It was almost hilarious.
Almost.
“I care about you. Not them. They are not mine. You are”, Laura replied with ease to her voice. Every word rang with the warmth of a cherished and partially painful memory. It was one of those nights Carmilla would like to forget, but at the same time, it was one of those memories she would never give up voluntarily. “Tell me”, Laura urged and Carmilla turned her face away from the brunette.
This was not something she wanted to talk about.
Not now.
“I was angry”, she said as she forced her hands to relax at her sides. “William got away, and I could not give him what he deserved after what he did to you. I was just so angry. I wanted to kill”. It was a confession, one she had to emphasize so that Laura could never forget that within Carmilla that beast lurks and will appear if provoked. “I wanted to kill him so much, but I could not. I wanted to kill, and I was angry, there was no way for me to control that anger. At least I had no way to get out of that tunnel vision. You got me through it at your father's, you got me through it Laura, but you would never have been able to do it that night. I did what I could to keep myself from doing something reckless”. Carmilla sighed as she turned her hands under that yellow light, and let her fingers trace the healed wounds that never left any lasting scars. At least not on the outside. Every time she did it, new scars formed on her already wrecked soul, but there was no other way.
“What did you do?”.
Carmilla could feel the younger girl´s eyes on her, trying to get her attention, but she would not give her what she wanted because all Laura would see was pain.
“I hurt myself”.
“Carm”, her name was a gasp on Laura's lips and Carmilla forced herself to meet that brown gaze. When she saw the fear in those eyes she took a step towards her, not close enough to touch her, but close enough to show that she was there, that she was not going anywhere.
“It healed. It always heals. The pain takes off the edge for long enough for me to get back in control”, she explained. This was the first time she talked about it. Over the years Carmilla had seen a lot of ways other people dealt with those kinds of emotions, human or not, but a lot of them ended up giving in to the anger or lust for blood. All of those years had also taught Carmilla that she did not want to be one of those people. If she could do anything about it, she would not want to prey on others to get rid of her own pain. “Are you crying? Why are you crying?”, she asked as Laura drew a shaky breath.
“Because it was my fault”, the young girl sobbed and Carmilla looked at her wide-eyed. “You hurt yourself because I trusted Will and he… he tried to kill me, so you hurt yourself”.
“Laura, no stop. Do not think like that. I did not do it because of you”, Carmilla answered and wrapped her arms around the other girl, holding her close to her chest and stroking up and down her back. “Please stop crying”, she whispered into the brown curls that smelled of musk and vanilla. That scent of vanilla was one of many things Carmilla had started to associate with the brunette. The musk was but only a result of being in that basement for a couple of hours, it was supposed to mask the smell of blood when you were down there.
Laura did not stop crying. Her tears stained Carmilla´s shirt and the crook of her neck. “If I hadn´t… Carmilla, I'm so sorry”.
Carmilla just held her. Held her until she was no longer shaking.
She then leaned back to look at Laura´s glassy gaze. The young girl´s cheeks were covered in smeared, black mascara. She is beautiful, that is all Carmilla could think as she wiped away tears still running down those cheeks.
“I might not always like the choices you make…or the way things turned out…but I think it would be infinitely more tragic if you let that stop you from trying…if you let it turn you into me”. Laura exhaled heavily and the air was hot on Carmilla's cheeks. “You are a trusting person. It is one of many sides of you that make you the person you are, the person who I am inevitably in love with”, Carmilla whispered, struggling to keep herself from kissing her to prove that every word coming from her lips were true. Only true for Laura. “I love you, Laura”.
If she could have promised her the world, Carmilla would have done so without a doubt.
They walked the rest of the way back to their hotel hand in hand.
Carmilla thought as they walked quietly that if time allowed it, she would never let go of Laura again.
--
She had found the letter on the third night.
It was enfolded in that shirt that Laura had claimed as her own not long ago - Carmilla´s favourite shit of course. She must have chosen that one because she knew that Carmilla would end up picking it up at least at some point, just to breathe in Laura´s scent. She had found the letter on the third night. And she did not sleep after that, not even for five minutes. She found that one letter she told Laura not to write, practically begged her not to. That girl always had a mind of her own. Still, though, Carmilla had hoped that she could have listened to her just this one time.
She had been holding out in their room in the Bed and Breakfast. Laura´s body was neatly tucked in with blankets, placed under the little coffee table in front of the window, out of sight from anyone passing by. The weather had gone back to being terrible. The rain pattered against the roof. It was soothing. Carmilla would have gone insane if she had had to listen to the quiet. After getting to know Laura and spending every waking minute, and all others too, with her, a lasting quiet was something she had learned to live without. She did not expect that she resent it that much, but since the rain had come and lifted that extra pressure off of her chest, she had realized that it was true.
It had been five days and the only thing she wanted was so to hear that voice again.
That voice that promised that she would come back.
That they would have their forever.
It had been five days and Carmilla was about to lose her mind.
Carmilla had retired to sitting on the floor, leaning back against the foot of the bed, her legs stretched out before her and the letter lying open next to her. She had read it too many times already, and could probably recite it word by word if she brought herself to read through it once more. It would be karma - making sure that Laura could retell every step of the change and then having ended up memorizing something just as horrible herself. Horrible isn't the right word to describe it, but it was close enough. At least it did not give any hope which was exactly what Carmilla was lacking at that point. In all of her years as a human and then a supernatural being, she had never felt that drained, out of energy, optimism, light and life. Losing Ell was harsh, and brutal and left scars. It made Carmilla believe that life was nothing but pain and loss. It made her hate Mother, go on a killing spree and then end up turning into the animal she had sworn never to become.
Losing Laura was ripping up her core and leaving it there, open for all the darkness to thrive on her inside.
Losing Laura was killing her all over again.
If it wasn't for that letter, she might have been coping a bit better. If it was not for all the if´s and when´s, then maybe she would not have been that close to breaking down. Breaking down was not an option, because that would inevitably have led to letting the darkness in. That same darkness that Laura had made her promise not to let take over her, to not give in when it screams for her to take as many lives as it would take to add up to the potential of Laura´s own life. The problem was, that no number of lives could add up to the worth of Laura´s. So Carmilla would have to keep going for the rest of her existence, without ever looking back. But she had promised Laura not to go off, and she was going to keep that promise. For the time being. For as long as she still kept the beast leashed.
The first time she heard a little huff, she believed that it came from the vent in the ceiling. It had been going on and off for the last couple of hours. Must have been because of the heavy pouring.
The second time she looked up at the vent with furrowed brows, only to find it humming like normally. She was so far down into doubting that she did not even think of the possibility. Not even for a second.
Until a third huff followed by a silent whisper, “C-arm”.
It was in her head, that was her first thought. Her second was a loud ‘thank you’ to whatever god that would be foolish enough to listen to her. Then she flung herself to the side, crumbled the letter below her knee in doing so, and crawled over to the other girl’s body. Her pale hands were shaking as they drew back the blanket and revealed an even paler face. The young girl´s lips were blue and white, her hair was dull and when those eyes opened they were the definition of dead.
Still, she was not dead.
“Laura”, Carmilla cried out quietly as she ran her hands over the other girl´s face. Her fingertips met cold skin, cold but very much not dead.
Laura´s lips formed a weak smile, but it was a smile. She lifted her head and looked down at her still wrapped-up body.
“You tucked me in?”, she asked with a little laughter to her question.
Carmilla laughed too, heartfelt and warm as ever before. When Laura let her head fall back and tilted it towards Carmilla, she was still smiling. Tears formed behind Carmilla's eyes. She had not cried for years, but looking at her love, her actual love, she did not care if she would end up shedding enough tears to drain her whole body empty and dry.
“You were gone”, she whispered without thinking and swallowed back a desperate sob. Laura´s forehead was smooth, far from furrowed. There was so much Carmilla wanted to say, so much that had been going on in her head those days alone and if she could not put those thoughts into words, they would certainly tear her apart from the inside. “I thought you were gone, buttercup”. Her hands were back on Laura's face, thumbs caressing her cheekbones and index fingers tracing her hairline. “You were dead”.
“I´m not anymore”, Laura quickly answered and wiggled out of the wrapping, her hand reaching up weakly and with much effort reflecting on her face, to cup Carmilla's neck. She pulled Carmilla down close to her own face, tangled her fingers into the roots of Carmilla's thick hair and held her there. Those brown eyes might not have been bright, but they were windows to all of the things Laura was thinking and when they smiled so did her lips. “I'm not going anywhere”, she assured Carmilla and Carmilla exhaled through trembling lips.
“Promise me-”, she began but had to lick her lips, focusing on not thinking too much or too long. “Promise me this is not a dream”, she whispered, and Laura's smile turned into a smirk.
“It might as well be because I got my happy ending”.
A bubbling laughter broke through the lump of tears in Carmilla's throat and when the tears started to flow down her cheeks it was okay. Because they were okay “You are a sap”.
“I love you too, Carm”, Laura answered and pressed a pair of cold but still smiling lips to Carmilla's cheek, catching one of those dancing tears.
--
”I do not want you to turn out like me, that is all”.
Laura shook her head. It was not something new, she had been doing it quite a lot in the last hour. About as many times as Carmilla had sighed out of tired frustration, although the frustration was directed at herself and not the other girl. They had been talking about the day to come, about what would happen after tomorrow and what to expect from it. This of course led them to Laura asking what Carmilla remembers from her own transition. Carmilla had sworn to be honest about everything a long time ago, both to herself and Laura, so she had told her the truth. And it was a grotesque and stomach-turning truth.
"What is it that makes you think so little of yourself?", Laura asked, and another sigh rolled of Carmilla's tongue.
"Laura-".
"I know, I know. You're a murder, a monster, a bringer of death. You are also brave, selfless, loving and the most patient person I have ever met. Dead or alive". Carmilla looked at her from where she was sitting at the coffee table. Laura was seated on the bed, feet comfortably on the floor and her hands open in her lap. When Carmilla did not answer, Laura continued by saying, “and I love you. All of you".
"Laura".
"If I end up like you then...", Laura laughed and ran her left hand through her hair. Carmilla's eyes followed the motion, she could feel the strands of hair between her own fingers like the many times she had been the one running her hand through that brown hair. Laura exhaled and looked straight at her. "It would not be that bad. Because you are not half as bad as you make people think. I know you Carm. I know that you are good even though you do not show it to everyone. I want to do this because of that goodness in you. I want to do this because of you because you make me feel so much more than anyone else in this world. And I love you".
"I love you too", Carmilla replied and Laura's lips formed a cute little half smile.
"Do you want me to continue, because I definitely can, I can talk abo-", the rest of the brunette's words were silenced by Carmilla's lips. The kiss was hot and deep, filled with every emotion they shared with one another. When Carmilla pulled back, only an inch, her eyes flicked open to find Laura's watching her with lust and desire. The young girl bit down on her bottom lip as those brown eyes shot down to Carmilla's mouth.
“If this is our last night together-”.
Carmilla pulled her own shirt off. Shutting Laura right up. When she stood before her in only a pair of Laura´s jeans and a bra, she caught the way the young girl´s breath hitched for a second. She was in Laura's lap the next second, making herself comfortable as Laura's eyes followed the length of her now slightly less covered body.
“We have been talking too much”, Carmilla said as she captured that bottom lip Laura released from between her teeth. Laura´s hands clutched to Carmilla´s waist as she returned every kiss with as much eagerness, fingers moving up Carmilla's sides and dragging down slowly, nails barely scratching what Laura knew was one of the more sensitive spots on Carmilla's body. The response came as quickly and rushed through Carmilla´s throat, leaving her shuddering in Laura's hands.
Then, Laura broke the kiss and trailed her lips over Carmilla's jaw and up to her ear.
“Take these off”, she mumbled with a husky voice as she tugged on the loops of Carmilla´s jeans.
Carmilla looked down at the young girl for a moment before stepping back, making a show out of pulling her pants off slowly, one leg at a time and then kicking them out of the way. She planned on keeping up the show for a moment longer, but Laura had other plans as she reached out and pulled Carmilla on top of her again by hooking her fingers around the waistband of Carmilla´s lacy black underwear.
She straddled Laura´s lap again and tangled her hands into those long brown curls, tugging slightly to get a better angle to kiss her.
Although, Laura stood up suddenly as her hands found Carmilla´s thighs and Carmilla automatically locked her legs around Laura´s waist, while Laura kept her mouth just out of reach for Carmilla to kiss her. When she placed them back on the bed, now on top, she slid easily in between Carmilla's legs and smirked at the grunt that slipped Carmilla's lips when some pressure was put on the right spot.
“You like this”, Laura breathed as she lowered her whole body down on top of Carmilla´s.
“What?”.
“Me taking control of you”, the brunette clarified before pressing a searing kiss to Carmilla's lips.
“Do not be ridiculous”, Carmilla answered with her lips hovering over Laura´s. They kissed again and Carmilla reached down to Laura´s ass, encouraging her to rock her hips. Her own hips hitched up excitedly to meet Laura´s. “I admire it”.
The smirk that met her was worth all of the teasing and torture she knew Laura would put her through.
It is worth it all because Laura was hers.
When those torturing lips closed around an already peaked nipple Carmilla bit down on her bottom lip, determined to not let on how little Laura had to do for her to turn into a begging and shaking mess. It was too late for that already though, Laura had seen every side of Carmilla and heard her beg in more languages than she probably recognised.
Determined or not, when Laura moaned all by herself as she crawled lower down Carmilla's body, Carmilla was ready to beg for mercy. The sensation of Laura´s lips brushing against her pale and soft skin as she moved lower, whilst pleasuring herself by dragging her wet and hot centre against Carmilla's thigh was intoxicating.
“Do you remember what you told me… the first time… we spent the night together?”, Laura panted between nibbling at the sensitive skin around Carmilla's groin.
“Laura”, Carmilla gasped as Laura´s teeth once again sunk into her skin before soothing it with her tongue. “Please”.
Laura jerked her head up, pupils blown wide with excitement and desire. “Do you remember, Carmilla?”.
“Yes”, she grunted as her hips hitched up, but Laura moved back slightly with a dangerous grin.
“Tell me”, the young girl said and encouraged her by sliding her hand up over Carmilla's abdomen, hand cupping one of her breasts. “Tell me what you said, Carmilla”.
Carmilla threw her head back. Torture. This was torture and even if she could easily overthrow the other girl, she did not move muscle with the intention of doing so. Laura was right - Carmilla did like it. She even longed for it if she had been without it for a little bit too long. Her tongue licked at her lips as she tried to focus on words, words and not gasps, as Laura teased her own tongue under the waistband of Carmilla´s underwear.
“I told you that I could stop if you wanted me to”.
Laura rewarded her with a kiss below her belly button.
“Well, do you”, she murmured as she slipped back onto her knees, still straddling one of Carmilla´s legs, as her hands tugged at Carmilla´s underwear.
“Do I what?”, Carmilla asked and thrived in the way the younger girl lowered herself down onto Carmilla´s leg as if not able to keep herself from touching Carmilla, to take Carmilla and all of what she was. Carmilla knew, that if the roles were reversed, she would not have been able to either.
Carmilla closed her eyes for a second and braced herself, then she opened her eyes and met Laura´s brown eyes looking down at her.
If eternity could be frozen, this was the moment Carmilla would choose.
“Do you want me to stop?”, Laura asked, lips swollen, cheeks flushed.
When Carmilla did not answer, the brunette crawled up her body again, carefully not touching her anywhere she knew would set Carmilla´s skin on fire, until they were face to face. The question still lingered in those brown eyes and Carmilla could not love her any more than what she did in that moment. So, she leaned up and captured Laura´s lips in a soft, long, loving kiss.
Laura´s body fell back down on hers and it was like giving in altogether. Their mouths were on each other's, bruising with every kiss and gasp, every moan that slipped through. Then Laura had her hand over the wet, hot centre between Carmilla´s legs, pressing just enough to make Carmilla swear in ancient Greek. As two fingers were thrust into her, Laura started grinding down on Carmilla´s thigh and Carmilla took advantage of the moment to slip her own hand into Laura´s underwear.
“Carm”, Laura moaned and eagerly met the thrust of Carmilla's fingers.
It was all the answer either of them needed as they fell into the same rhythm.
In the heat of the moment, Carmilla was conscious enough to sense the quickening pulse underneath Laura´s skin and Carmilla could feel her fangs behind her upper lip as she dragged her mouth along Laura´s collarbone. Carmilla brushed them against Laura's neck, hard enough for it to sting a little but not enough to break the skin, knowing that it would send the same kind of shivers down Laura's back as those that run down Carmilla´s when the young girl breathed that heavy against her ear with Carmilla´s name lingering on her lips.
Laura rocked her body against Carmilla, bringing them to the edge, together.
It took a couple of minutes before they crawled under the sheets. The same silence they had found themselves in those days fell over them. They had been talking on and on, going through every detail and trying to determine the future. Yet, they could not do anything about the future, in the end. So, there was nothing left to talk about. Even if Carmilla felt like that was the only thing to do when the heat of the moment had simmered down.
Laura was warm and the definition of safety as she lay in her arms, close and near in all the ways the world allowed them to be. Carmilla kissed her head and exhaled heavily.
“I will always love you, Laura. No matter if that time is restricted to years instead of centuries. I will always love you”, she whispered and listened to the way the heart in Laura's chest picked up at the words. Yet, there was still something left that Carmilla needed to say. It had to be said. “We do not have to do this. All of what I am is yours. My heart is yours, Laura. Nothing can ever change that”.
“I know”, the young girl answered and Carmilla believed that that was all, but then Laura turned in her arms and sat up on her knees with her eyes penetrating Carmilla´s. “And I will be there for every always and all of your forevers”. Laura smiled and the cold heart in Carmilla's chest beat, for real, hard and warm in her chest like it had once done. Laura´s hand took Carmilla's, fingers laced together and when they both looked up from their joined hands, Laura´s eyes were mirrors of Carmilla´s. Carmilla changed her mind - if she could get her eternity frozen, this was the moment she would choose, now and forever. “I love you too, Carmilla”, Laura said and there was nothing else in the world Carmilla wanted to hear for the rest of her life.