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Luz couldn’t sleep.
Which, at this point wasn’t surprising; it happened every night now. She would wake up, her mind racing, and she wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep. She’d go and sit in the kitchen. Maybe get a glass of water. Then before she knew it, it was morning. She’d go back to bed, and pretend nothing had happened. It was her routine. Her semblance of control maybe.
It was tiring her. But it was better than facing whatever nightmares she’d have to face this time. She sat by the kitchen island. The moonlight from outside reflected onto the marble pattern. She could hear the pitter patter of raindrops as they collided against the window. It was nice. Peaceful even..
“Luz?” A voice snapped her out of her thoughts. She looked back and saw Amity. Her eyes widened.
“Oh! Amity.. I’m sorry! Did I uh.. wake you up?” She asked. Amity stood at the far end of the kitchen, she rubbed her eyes from tiredness.
“No.. I was just getting some water.” Amity explained. “Why are you up?”
“Oh you know, just…” Amity gave her a look. Like she predicted Luz would try and brush this off, and pretend like it was nothing. Like usual. Luz sighed. “I just.. couldn’t get to sleep.” She admitted, looking down at the tiled floor. She kicked at a dust bunny as it floated away.
“You should’ve told me.”
”What? And woke you up?”
”I wouldn’t have minded Luz. If you needed someone to talk to, I was there.” Amity said. She stepped over to Luz, and looked her over. Then she carefully leaned forward and pushed a stray hair out of her face, and tucked it behind her ear. Her eyes tracing the circles under Luz’s eyes. “You haven’t been sleeping much.”
”No..” Luz said. “It’s fine, though. Really.”
“It’s not though.” Amity stated. “Just tell me what’s up. Is it nightmares? What is it? What’s going on with you?”
What could she even tell her? That she had been lying to her this whole time. That she had betrayed not only Amity, but her friends in the worst way possible. She had helped Belos. And sure, maybe she didn’t know it was Belos, but she should’ve known better. And yet she was blinded. Just like the rest of the boiling isles was..
“Luz.” Amity pleaded, and the way she looked at Luz stung. “I won’t judge.. I promise.” She held Luz’s hand in hers.
”It’s fine.. I just.. wanna go to sleep.” She said. “Okay?”
Amity nodded. But she could tell that she was disappointed. Just a little. Yet, she smiled at Luz. “Yeah, no that’s fine.. It’s pretty late anyway.”
She let go of Amity’s hand as she stood up. “You want me to get that water for you?”
”No, it’s fine.” Amity replied. “I’ll get it myself. You just get back to bed, okay?”
“Okay…” Luz replied. She stepped away from Amity. She stopped just at the doorway. At the edge where carpet meet tiled floor.
“I love you Luz..” She looked over her shoulder at her, giving her a warm smile. She didn’t deserve that smile. Amity deserved someone who could actually be honest with her.. She deserved better. And Luz wasn’t that..
”I love you too.” Luz answered. She paused for a moment, as Amity continued with getting water.
And then left.
Luz laid awake that night. She stared at the patterned ceiling as Amity lay asleep next to her. She listened to her breathing. The blankets raising slightly with every breathe taken and released. There was no rain. Not anymore. It had stopped maybe a few hours ago. It was too silent. While asleep, Amity had rolled over in the bed, turning to face Luz. In her unconsciousness her hand somehow found Luz’s again, like she had searched for it in her sleep. When she found it she wrapped her fingers around it. And held. Tightly.
Luz looked at her. Amity. Her hand. She frowned.
She looked away.
And let go.