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"Soooooo, my beloved brother," Donnie said in a voice that instantly set off warning bells in Leo's head.
"Yeah?" he asked, genuinely alarmed, "Should I be afraid?"
"No, no, not at all," Donnie waved his hand, casually propping his grocery bags by the chimney. "But maybeee I've got an idea."
Leo raised an eyebrow and stopped walking. Donnie's ideas were typically a recipe for trouble. Especially when you were on the roof in the middle of the night with him. Leo had a feeling that Donnie's plan had something to do with the backpack he had brought along. When Leo asked why, Donnie simply replied that it was a secret.
"Guys didn't join us because they're sick, right?"
Donnie began subtly, and Leo tried to figure out where he was heading. It was true, only the two of them went shopping. Their dad didn't want to let them go, but the truth was that one more day, and they would starved.
"Where are you going with this?" Leo asked.
"Well, since we definitely don't want to catch what they've got," Donnie continued, "why don't we hang around here a bit longer? And have some fun?"
Leo's heart began to pound uncomfortably. This was exactly the thing he couldn't stand. All three of his brothers did this. Someone, usually Donnie , came up with an idea to go somewhere, and despite Leo's valid concerns and protests, they never listened to him.
"Donnie, we promised to come back right away."
"Oh, come on, Leo!" Donnie exclaimed. "This won't take long. Dad won't even notice if we're a bit late."
Leo shook his head. "No, Donnie, we need to go back. Dad said-"
"Why do you always bring him into this?" Donnie interrupted, frustrated. "Dad this, dad that. Can't you think for yourself?“
Leo didn't expect such an outburst but had no intention of arguing with Donnie about it. He didn't understand it at all.
"And can't you at least listen to me once?" he frowned, ready not to back down this time.
"You don't even know what my idea is!" Donnie cried out.
"And i don't wanna hear it. Come on."
Donnie sighed and reluctantly picked up the bags from the ground. "Fine." he said rolling his eyes," at least Mikey will owe me some money."
Leo stopped. "What?" He turned to Donnie. "You guys made a bet?"
Donnie shrugged, puzzled. "Of course, we did. It's like the easiest way to win any money. You're so predictable. Mostly because you're boring."
Leo scowled. "I'm not boring."
"Really?" Donnie raised an eyebrow. "Every time we want to go somewhere, you're the only one against it. You always spill everything to dad. We can't do anything with you because you're all about following the rules."
"That's not true, I just-"
"Not true?" Donnie laughed. "So tell me, when was the last time we went out because you wanted to?"
Leo clenched his jaw. Donnie didn't understand what this was all about. For Leo, it was much more than just outings. Donnie or any of the others had no idea what he went through every time they were all outside. Not that Leo ever told them about it. He'll take that to his grave.
"Oh, so it's fine for you to bet against me? Just because I don't want you guys to get into trouble?"
Donnie shrugged indifferently. "I don't see a problem with it," he said in a hushed tone, "you are seriously the worst brother."
That's when Leo's patience snapped. He dropped the bags to the ground, startling Donnie. "You know what?! Okey, tell me about your plan."
Donnie's eyes lit up, and Leo felt a shiver down his spine.
"Really?" Donnie asked enthusiastically, putting the bags. "This is going to be fantastic. I've wanted to try this for ages, but there was never an opportunity. I've planned it all out..." he babbled, took off his backpack, digging through it for a bit, then threw Leo some blue fabric. A hoodie.
"Where did you get this?" Leo asked while Donnie slipped into his own, purple one.
"Nah, don't worry about it," he waved Leo of. "And now," he came closer, and Leo already regretted his decision, "my plan. Today is Tuesday, and Tuesday is like, you know, why does it even exists? It's neither the beginning nor the middle of the week; it's just stupid Tuesday."
"Okay?" Leo didn't understand and put on his hoodie. Surprisingly, it felt better than expected. It was as if he had a shield to hide behind.
"Well, I had an idea. Since it's a workday and Tuesday evening, how many people could be in the cinema?"
Leo froze. He couldn't be serious.
"Cinema? Like a regular movie theater?"
"Exactly!" Donnie exclaimed with excitement, completely oblivious to Leo's growing panic. "Look, we can sneak in through the bathroom window because ticket control is already past that point. No one will notice us, no one will be there and it'll be dark. We can leave the same way without anyone noticing. It's perfect!"
Leo tried to process this information. He stared at Donnie in disbelief. "You're not serious, are you?"
Donnie's mood dropped slightly, and he folded his arms. "Don't tell me you're backing out now."
Leo honestly considered it. "Come on, my plan has just one catch. If I can't get through the window, we're screwed," still Leo wanted to say no, but Donnie continued, "Alright then, if you're not up for it, just wait here for me. I'll go alone."
And Leo couldn't allow that.
He was sure this would end badly.
That's why he couldn't understand why everything was going relatively smoothly.
Of course, Leo and Donnie knew what a cinema looked like. They had never been to one, but based on pictures and their dad's stories, they had a general idea of it. They got inside without much trouble. A movie had been playing for a while, so there was no one in front of the entrance. The theater was shrouded in darkness. Both pulled their hoods over their heads, Leo burying himself in his as if he wanted to disappear. They went to the empty back row.
Leo tried to calm his scattered mind with facts. Donnie's analysis had been correct. Three people were sitting in the front, and only one of them seemed genuinely engaged in the movie. Otherwise, the cinema was empty and nobody cared about them. People had their eyes glued to the screen and had no reason to turn around, and even if they did, they were far away from everyone. That gave them a strategic advantage. They could easily escape and run away, or they could attack. Leo also noticed that there were windows in the corridor that could be used to their advantage, and-
"This is awesome," Donnie looked around as if he were in a museum, plopping down in his seat with a loud thud. "This is better than outdoor cinema."
Leo couldn't disagree more. In an outdoor cinema, there was open space. Here? In this tiny cube? In the darkness? What if someone was actually watching them? What if someone already knew about them? What if someone jumped at them from the darkness? What if-
"I don't know," he said, choked. He didn't feel well at all, felt like he was going to throw up, wanted out of here as fast as possible. This was a terrible mistake. He should have never brought Donnie along. Now they were both in danger. What if something happened to him?
"Calm down. It's fun here," Donnie looked around before his gaze landed on his distressed brother. "Leo?"
Donnie was talking to him, but Leo was so scared that he couldn't concentrate. He couldn't focus on anything. He sailed among a million thoughts, each screaming something different at him, filling Leo with panic and his body with tension.
"Geez, you look like someone's dying," Donnie joked, and Leo knew, knew, he was joking, but right now, it was the same as telling him that Donnie was already dead. He clutched the armrests so tightly that his knuckles turned white.
"Leo, o my god, breath ."
But Leo couldn't. Panic had gripped his chest, squeezing the air from his lungs. They were in immediate danger, and his younger brother was in danger, and he had to get him out of there, but he didn't know how, and maybe he didn't even want to because he said that Leo was the worst brother-
"Leo, look at me," Donnie said. Leo didn't know if he could. He didn't feel like he could control his own body. Donnie gently took his face in his hands and turned it towards himself. "Look at me," Leo had tunnel vision, and his peripheral vision was strangely blurry. "You gonna be ok. Just breathe. Try it with me. Inhale. And exhale."
Leo felt like he had been staring at Donnie for an eternity without being able to do anything. No matter how hard he tried, his chest was still drowning in shallow breaths. He felt so helpless, so worthless. Tears were welling up in his eyes, and his whole body was tense. He didn't want Donnie to see him like this. He was supposed to be the strong brother, and now Donnie would think he was not only the worst but also weak. Donnie must hate him.
A tear rolled down Leo's cheek. He didn't know what to do with himself.
Nothing helped; Donnie looked around anxiously, eyes filled with fear. "Leo, please," he said, a hint of panic in his voice. "Please try... try to concentrate."
Leo watched as his brother's body tensed with each passing minute, eyes darting from one place to another. He closed his eyes. He must... he must try harder. He had to pull himself together. He had to be there. He had to be there because Donnie was scared. He had to be there for him.
He concentrated on everything around him—the vibrant colors reflecting off Donnie's glasses, the softness of the hoodie against his skin, the music filling the cinema. Donnie continued with the breathing exercises, and Leo put all his effort into following along. It took a while for his lungs to cooperate. It felt like an eternity, and his thoughts were screaming at him to snap out of it.
Once he finally got his breathing under control, a wave of guilt and shame washed over him, and he buried his face in his hands. He couldn't look Donnie in the eyes. "Sorry," he mumbled, his voice choked in the back of his throat.
"It's okay."
There was a moment of silence between them. Leo tried to salvage what was left of his dignity. Finally, he mustered the courage to meet Donnie's gaze, prompting his younger brother to ask. "Hey, does this... happen to you often?"
Honestly, Leo wanted to lie, but he was so exhausted that he couldn't come up with anything. "Not this strongly," he admitted. Of course, It was always there. The subtle panic in his thoughts, the screaming voice in his head that was telling him he was in danger, and he should panic. But it had never looked like this.
"Why?" Donnie didn't understand.
Leo shook his head. "You wouldn't get it."
Donnie chuckled. "Come on, try me."
Leo hesitated. "You'll laugh at me."
Donnie tilted his head. "Why would I laugh at you for something that gives you panic attacks?"
Leo shrugged. "Just forget it, Donnie, please."
However, Donnie wasn't one to let things go. He had always been persistent.
"Come on, Leo. Please," he squeezed Leo's hand protectively and forced Leo to raise his eyes to meet his. "I won't laugh. I promise."
Leo's thoughts were racing at full speed, urging him to stay silent. He didn't want to burden anyone. However, Donnie's determined gaze started to loosened his tongue so he quietly said, "I'm afraid."
"Of what?" Donnie inquired, his voice filled with genuine concern.
Leo felt small. Like a child caught stealing candy.
"I'm scared that I'll lose you guys," he admitted, bracing himself for Donnie's reaction. But Donnie remained calm so Leo continued, "That I won't be there for you when you need me, that I won't be able to protect you, or..." He paused for a moment, and Donnie patiently waited, "every day, I'm afraid that something will happen to one of you, and it will be my fault."
There. He said it.
He didnt even want to looked at Donnie's face.
"Jesus, Leo," Donnie's eyes widened, "I mean, I sort of figured that you're a bit, you know, scaredy-cat…“
He must have sensed Leo tensing up because he immediately started panicking. "No, i didnt mean it like that! But, like, you don't rush headfirst into things, and you have more respect for stuff, but I never... none of us ever thought you'd make such a big deal out of it."
Leo shrugged. "I'm the leader of this group, I'm your older brother. Is normal that I worry about you."
"But that doesn't mean you have to do everything on your own," Donnie replied firmly. "Or that you always have to be the strongest."
In that moment, Leo felt like he might start crying again. He tried to hide it, but with his emotions on edge, it was hard to hold back. Donnie noticed.
"Leo," he whispered and hugged him tightly. Leo leaned into the embrace and rested his head on Donnie's shoulder. He felt a strange sensation in his chest. The weight that had been crushing him was still there, but all of a sudden, Leo had a feeling that he didn't have to carry it alone. "You don't have to handle everything alone, but you have to talk to us," Leo didn't respond, but Donnie knew he had heard him.
"Omygod, I'm such an asshole," Donnie suddenly pulled away from him with horror in his eyes, "because I said that... noooo... Leo, I didn't mean it that way, I swear..."
"What are you talking about?" Leo didn't understand.
"You're the best older brother I could have!" Donnie blurted out, "I didn't mean it that way. I love you, okay? And I'm sorry. Seriously, even for this," he gestured around them, "if I had known what it would do to you, I wouldn't have dragged you here."
Leo smiled at him and gently squeezed his hand. "It's alright, Donnie. I'm okay."
"No, it's not okay," Donnie shook his head, "Leo, why... why didn't you tell anyone about this?"
Leo glanced away for a moment. "I thought it was stupid."
Donnie stared at him, puzzled, and leaned back in his seat. "You're dumb, you know that?“ When Leo didn't respond, Donnie glanced around the cinema. Two guys in front of them were dozing off, and the last one was staring at the screen with his mouth slightly open. Donnie had completely forgotten about the movie, just like Leo had.
"We probably won't catch up now, huh?" Donnie said.
"No, probably not,“ Leo smiled.
Donnie turned to him, a serious expression on his face. "But seriously, Leo, you should tell the others. They won't make fun of you."
"I know, I know," Leo sighed. "But for now, can it stay between us?"
Donnie mimicked locking his lips with an imaginary key. "What's said in the cinema stays in the cinema."
"Thanks," Leo smiled at him. " By the way, how did you know what to do?" he asked shyly.
Donnie shrugged. "I wasn't really sure, to be honest. I was more improvising," he admitted, "but…"
"You're not planning to stay up tonight just to google mental disorders, right?" Leo asked with a warning tone.
Donnie nervously chuckled. "Of course not, geez, Leo, who do you think I am?"
Leo wanted to punch him, but at least he promised himself to keep an eye on him tonight. Donnie checked his phone. "We should go. It's already late."
So they quietly got up and left. They left behind the screen, the darkness and Leo felt like he had also left behind little bit of his burden that had been crushing his chest until now. At least breathing felt a lot easier.