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“Hey, let’s play Twenty Questions!” Scratch called out.
The big robot chicken was standing at his station inside, waiting to take some tickets but it was a slow evening. He’d already cleaned most of the theaters in the small cinema and the one currently in use had been swept up earlier. Scratch had even gotten the restrooms out of the way so unless something awful happened, he wouldn’t have to argue with Coconuts about it when they closed, that way they could leave faster.
Coconuts had his adorable nose buried deep in a novel titled Mayhem in Love Lost. It was a mystery romance novel he’d borrowed from Breezie and he'd been reading while slouched on his stool at the very front, where he sold the movie tickets. Now Coconuts glanced up. He was already sitting sideways with one elbow on the ticketbooth countertop that he was currently leaning up against, so he didn’t have his back entirely turned to them. Coconuts stared at Scratch from across the small lobby, then he shook his head, and went back to his book.
Scratch frowned and waved a big metallic hand dismissively. They didn’t need that robot monkey anyway! Well, Scratch thought Grounder might need some help and if both of them were asking questions that’d give Grounder a better chance, but Scratch certainly didn’t need Coconuts.
Meanwhile, over in the concession stand, Grounder had instantly gotten excited. He hopped up and down on his treads, skidding a bit each time, raising his silver metal hands trying to get his brother’s attention. He had no use for his drills at this job and his automatic swap system had been permanently destroyed by Eggman’s carelessness, so Grounder got help at home from his brother, Breezie, or Coconuts when switching between the drills and their turning mechanism and the hands with their extension mechanism. At present, all he had were the hands and he was flailing both around at a wobbly, wacky length to be more noticeable.
“Ooooh! Oooh! Ooh! Me!” Grounder said. “I wanna play!”
“Bwahaha! Yeah!” Scratch replied with a grin. “Guess what I’m thinking of in Twenty Questions and ya win, Grounder!”
“Ha ha ha, okay, okay,” Grounder said. “This’ll be easy!”
Grounder screwed his rounded eyes shut tight, put his non-existent chin in his hand, stuck his tongue out, and thought very hard for a minute or more. Scratch smirked. He could just imagine the gears turning inside his brother’s head, then squealing to a halt. Coconuts glanced up again after noticing the long pause and when he saw Grounder’s face he snickered.
“This oughta be good,” Coconuts murmured.
Scratch just barely heard him and snapped, “Nothin’ from the peanut gallery! You ain’t playin’!”
“Simmer down!” Grounder said. “I got this!”
They all waited another minute as Grounder stood there behind the concession counter, not exactly staring off into the distance because his eyes were still closed.
“Is it a cow?” Grounder finally asked.
Scratch scowled and shook his head. “Noooo-ho-ho! Don’t you know how to play?”
“Oh oh! Is it an airplane?” Grounder asked, pointing at Scratch excitedly.
Scratch sighed, then swiped his metal hand down his face and beak.
“No, ya crushed pile of aluminum cans! You’re supposed to ask me questions first!” Scratch said. “Don’t just blindly guess!”
“But I am asking!” Grounder said, glowering at first, then lighting up as he had an idea. “Oh, okay, I got it!”
Scratch held out both of his hands, palms up, giving his brother a beseeching look.
“D’oh! Do you need me to explain the rules?” Scratch asked.
“No! ” Grounder said, looking seriously offended.
“Pick a category, stupid,” Coconuts called out casually.
Grounder turned to briefly face Coconuts with his arms crossed in front of him. Coconuts was far from impressed by this display as he calmly turned the page.
“Hey, hey! You’re not playing,” Grounder angrily told him. “And I don’t need help!”
“Your loss,” Coconuts muttered and shrugged. “Just some friendly advice.”
“I hate to agree with Coconuts, but he’s right!” Scratch insisted. “You’re doin’ this all wrong.”
Coconuts glanced up irritably at that, one eyebrow arched in confusion.
“Why would ya hate to agree with me ‘bout that?” Coconuts asked.
Scratch ignored him and remained focused on Grounder.
“You’re supposed to find out if it’s even living first!” Scratch continued. “Or what kind of life cycle it has anyway.”
Grounder gasped, as if this thought hadn’t occurred to him. He pointed at Scratch, as if he’d just won the game.
“Oh, oh! Is it a cloud?” Grounder asked.
He grinned, as if he was very clever for asking this.
Scratch groaned and rubbed his forehead around his red cockscomb.
“No, ho, ho! Noooo! You’re supposed to start out really general and get more specific after you’ve got some clues!” Scratch said. “You’re trying to narrow it down!”
“Awww, but Scratch, I’m gettin’ clues! I know it’s not a cow, or an airplane, or a cloud, right?!” Grounder insisted.
“Technically he didn’t say no,” Coconuts noted. “He’s just telling you to shut up for a second and stop wastin’ ya guesses.”
Grounder sulked. “I am not! And I have lots of guesses left!”
“There’s way more than 17 things in the whole entire world for me to have in mind!” Scratch pointed out. “And you’re way off so far! You’re nowhere near it.”
“Is it Breezie?” Grounder asked, suddenly looking worried.
“Noooo,” Scratch sighed.
He’d finally accepted that his twin just wasn’t going to play this game correctly.
“Okay! I wasn’t sure if badniks er… or people counted,” Grounder said, relieved. “Now I know four things that it isn’t.”
Scratch groaned and wished he hadn’t suggested this at all. The brothers just looked at each other for a moment and Grounder grinned really sweetly at Scratch because he couldn’t fathom why his twin was so upset. Scratch grumbled and gave up trying to reason with him.
Coconuts smirked at them both. This was why he’d refused to play it; he had a feeling they’d find some way to ruin it for him.
“Keep going,” Scratch said wearily. “You have 16 guesses left.”
“Is it a Marvelosa Merrygold-Round?” Grounder asked.
“Bwa ha. Nope! But it’s nice that you’re branching out,” Scratch punned.
Coconuts winced.
“Hrmm so it could be Mobians or Badniks or inanimate objects or animals or plants but it’s not those,” Grounder said, squinting and appearing very thoughtful. “Uh hrm. I bet it’s crafty!”
“Ya talkin’ about Scratch over there?” Coconuts asked. “Can’t be too crafty a choice if he was willin’ to play with you .”
Grounder pouted as he explained, “Oh, he’d never go easy on me! He wants me to lose!”
“Right now, I definitely do. Fail faster!” Scratch snapped. “Ask me some stupid questions!”
“Oh!” Grounder pondered. “Is this a trick question?”
Scratch stared at Grounder and so did Coconuts. Then the poor robot chicken almost wanted to cry before getting furious. He clenched his fists and growled. Grounder flinched.
“HOW-ow-ow could this even be a trick question?!” Scratch asked.
“Yeah, how?” Coconuts asked, before looking at Grounder with blank-eyed confusion.
Grounder looked Scratch straight in the googly eyes, innocent but also suspicious of his brother.
“Is it actually something you’re not thinking about right now?” Grounder asked.
“What?! That defeats the purpose of the game, ya lousy lunatic!!!” Scratch snarled.
“Awww, but we cheat all the time!” Grounder said irritably. “You could be lying to me!”
They both stared at him until Grounder became a little embarrassed. Then Coconuts smirked at Scratch, who looked shocked and downright despondent before stomping his metal talons.
“He’s got ya there,” Coconuts said.
“Grrrr! What’s even the point of that?!?!” Scratch asked. “There’s not much else to this game and I know Grounder can’t do it! Just keep listing things!”
Scratch then turned his back on both of them, his arms crossed in front of his chest, snorting steam and grinding his beak and teeth unevenly as he stared at the empty corridor which very faintly echoed the movie playing in the only active screening that hour.
“Huh, maybe we should stop?” Grounder suggested gently.
He really hadn’t been trying to upset his brother.
“No!” Scratch said. “Keep going! We’re in too deep!”
“You’re only at five questions!” Coconuts said, bemused. “Stop while you’re ahead?”
Scratch whipped his small head around on his long neck to briefly glower over his shoulder.
“I have nothing better to do and I’ll feel much better after this loser screws up!” Scratch said. “Then I can rub it in his moronic, ugly face!”
“Heeeyyy, I didn’t call out your appearance, birdbrain!” Grounder snapped. “You leave my beautiful mug outa this!”
“Bwa haah! Then ask me a question,” Scratch sneered. “Prove me wrong.”
Coconuts sighed and glanced up at the ceiling, shaking his head. He wanted to go back to reading his book but he had a feeling the twins were going to be too distracting.
“Is it a Motobug?” Grounder asked.
“Nope!”
“Is it Eggman??”
“Ugh, no!” Scratch said. “Try again.”
“What about popcorn?” Grounder asked.
“Noooo,” Scratch groaned. “That’d be too easy. I wanted it to be some kinda challenge.”
“Ohhh, so it is hard!” Grounder said and opened one eye while furrowing his brow. “I guess I better up my game.”
Scratch was too done to refute this but Coconuts openly gawked. He actually marked his spot with an old receipt and set the book aside to face Grounder.
“How?? You don’t even know the rules!” Coconuts reminded him. “Ya don’t have any tactics !”
“That’s never stopped me before!” Grounder said, grinning broadly.
“It stopped you whenever ya fought Sonic,” Coconuts said. “That’s how he always won.”
“That wasn’t very often!” Grounder insisted. “And I had way more plans back then than I do now. Things are different.”
“Ugh,” Coconuts muttered. “Well, yeah, you were even stupider with Eggman holdin’ us back.”
“But bro, it’s not that different!” Scratch said. "Every time we’ve tried to play cards when Breezie taught us, you still had a hard time getting it."
“No fair,” Grounder said. “You had trouble understanding some of those games too!”
“Cooperation was never our strong suit,” Scratch admitted.
“I kept tellin’ her we shouldn’t do partner games,” Coconuts murmured. “Grounder can’t set up a trick to save his life.”
“You’re tellin’ me,” Scratch muttered. “Anyway, ask again!”
“Oh, just stop tryin’ to distract me. Hrmm… okay, okay, is it a sea slug?” Grounder asked.
“Nooooo!” Scratch said. “Try again!”
He got smug, from his grin to his stance.
“Oooh! A sea cucumber ?” Grounder asked.
“Th–uh-that’s the same thing!” Scratch said, suddenly uncertain. “Try again.”
“No, it’s not,” Coconuts said.
“It’s not?!” Scratch asked, turning around fully at that. “What’s the difference?!”
“... Yeah, what’s the difference?” Grounder asked. “It’s not like a sea sponge, right?”
“Yea–heh-yeah!” Scratch remarked, looking a bit panicked.
“Nope! All three of those are different critters,” Coconuts said with considerable confidence.
“How do you even know?” Scratch asked, eyeing Coconuts skeptically.
Coconuts pouted; he didn’t like having his credentials questioned. He’d never been the brightest bulb but he could still be a lot smarter than the twins.
“Because I got bored last time I was waiting for my tune-up! I forgot to bring anything, in a hurry, that’s always the way, and I thought it’d be fast, but no no no!” Coconuts said. “So I read a bunch o’ stuff and one of them was this educational magazine. Sorry I actually remembered any of it.”
They stared at him: Scratch with mild disdain and Grounder with visible disappointment.
“Awwww,” Grounder said. “Is that all there is to it? Just some boring magazine?”
“Uh huh. Why?” Coconuts asked.
“I was hoping you’d tell us about some magical underwater adventure!” Grounder said.
“From what? The kids section of the library?” Coconuts asked, arching a single eyebrow.
“The beach!” Grounder said, excitedly thumping the concession counter with his metal hands. “And beyond!”
“Who?! Li’l ol’ me?” Coconuts asked, pointing at himself incredulously.
“Yeah, you!” Grounder said, enthusiastically pointing at Coconuts with both index fingers.
“When…?” Coconuts began, then hesitated.
“Whenever?” Grounder asked.
“He’s not a sea monkey, ya weird dodo!” Scratch said. “He’s a robot like you and me.”
“So?!” Grounder said. “Maybe he knows how to swim?? We learned how! Sometimes it works.”
The little red robot monkey blinked because he sort of hadn’t. He just knew how to walk on the bottom. In a pinch he could doggy paddle but floating was something he hadn’t gotten the hang of yet. Coconuts began counting off things on his painted metal fingers without numbering them.
“... I hate the ocean! Most robots do,” Coconuts explained. “I don’t need to breathe but I’d probably sink like a rock, and it’s pretty deep plus it’s full of salt and creepy animals. Even with my waterproofing, goin’ in there is just askin’ for rust and corrosion, especially if I get grabbed by a current and lost out at sea. But most importantly, we’re landlocked these days.”
“Awwww, but we weren’t always! Me and Scratch played around when we weren’t gettin’ wrecked over on South Island while we were deployed there. You could’ve easily had some solo missions that I don’t know about,” Grounder insisted. “You were always runnin’ off on your own before Eggman got rid of us. Didn’t you even visit the beach there once??”
Coconuts blinked rapidly at this. His adventures had been mostly smelly and frustrating, or else bitterly short and ending with a haunting kaboom. He just assumed everyone else knew about it; they certainly knew he was low-ranking. Many of the other badniks that could talk and cared to gossip laughed at his routine demotions to janitor and sewer patrol, which was far from whatever Grounder had implied. Not that Eggman himself couldn’t have decided on some crazy scheme and sent Coconuts on it because he wasn’t too concerned if it was successful or Coconuts had gone looking for something to appease Eggman with and had some horrible mishap but it sounded like Grounder expected something different. Then Coconuts chuckled good naturedly while trying to guess what sort of imaginative, silly fantasy Grounder might’ve been thinking of. It was also one of the nicest things Grounder had ever suggested about Coconuts so he was far from insulted even if he had no idea why the dope would ever suspect such a thing about himself in the first place.
“Hey! I could have some wild and wacky adventures that you don’t know about, but you’ve never asked me !” Scratch said angrily.
“Oh! Yeah, I guess so! I mean we were usually together so I just didn’t think about it,” Grounder said, opening his eyes wide to peer at his brother in awe. “Have you??”
“No, but now I wish I did, so shut up!” Scratch said. “What’s the difference between all those stupid animals, Coconuts?!”
“Hmph!” Grounder snorted, puffing up his cheeks as he crossed his arms.
He was disappointed again, though he soon glanced at Coconuts as well while Scratch continued to glower. Coconuts wasn’t exactly happy about Scratch’s bad attitude but he tried to shrug it off as he put his round chin in his hand and thought.
“Uhh, well, they’re not just different species, they're all different… umm… uh class? No no. Rank and file?” Coconuts said then hesitated as he realized he couldn’t remember the right word.
“Sea creatures with military titles?” Grounder suggested with evident wonder.
“Why would they have an army??” Scratch asked while glaring at his brother.
Grounder shrugged. “Well, why not? Eggman does!”
“No, no, no,” Coconuts said, still thinking. “Uhh uhh orders? Genius?”
Grounder gasped.
“Oh no, they’re not smarter than me!” Grounder insisted. “They can’t be!”
“Bwa ha ha ha! I bet every last one of ‘em is smarter!” Scratch said.
Grounder glared at Scratch. “Are not! ”
“Fields? Feldspar? Philtrum? Philemon?” Coconuts muttered, trying to remember and sounding like he’d been reading a dictionary recently.
He glanced at Scratch, hoping for some help, but Scratch just blinked at Coconuts.
“Now you’re just making up words,” Scratch said.
Coconuts suddenly snapped his fingers. “Phylum!”
“What files??” Grounder asked, not wrapping his mind around this.
“No no no no, phylum !” Coconuts said. “It’s uh, it's some tax system for critters! Look, I don’t get it, but just uh think of it as they’re all separate, like different badnik types besides your immediate unit. And these guys, they’re all simple but different.”
“Like us!” Grounder said.
“I’m not simple,” Scratch said proudly. “I’m brilliant.”
“But uh, uh, those three, well,” Coconuts hesitated as he recalled the details. “Sea slugs are like garden slugs but sea cucumbers are umm related to sea urchins. Very different!”
“Urchins?” Grounder asked. “Like Breezie?”
“Not like her!” Scratch said, then lowered his voice. “And that’s just a ruse, remember??”
"Oh," Grounder murmured.
“Uhh, well, uhhh actually they were called… uhhh sea hedgehogs once,” Coconuts admitted with a sheepish grin. “Or named after ‘em or somethin’. The magazine said so!”
Scratch and Grounder just stared at him. The robot chicken became annoyed but his drill-nosed brother became elated and his eyes became round and sparkly as he opened them wide.
“A little sea Breezie?!?! Can we adopt one?!” Grounder gasped. “I’ve been wanting a pet! Do they eat slugs? We could keep it outside! No messes to clean up!”
“Nooo ho ho, ya idiot! It’d die out of the ocean,” Scratch said. “They’re aquatic!”
Coconuts nodded and looked very stern as he held up a finger.
“You’d kill it, like you’ve killed some of Breezie’s plants! So don’t do it,” Coconuts warned him. “Those poor plant babies suffered for your sins of ignorance!”
“You’ve killed some of them too!” Grounder said, irritated by his holier than thou tone.
Coconuts winced because this was true. And he still felt guilty about it even though he’d never cared about plants until he lived with Breezie and tried to help her with her enormous garden. She’d naturally roped them into this and they enjoyed it for different reasons.
Scratch and Grounder both enjoyed tearing stuff up, getting covered in dirt, and digging around, forcing their surroundings to comply with their demands. Coconuts liked being able to order the other two around, supervising their efforts to deter mistakes, and enjoyed helping Breezie achieve her goals. Breezie made it clear how much she appreciated their assistance, asserted her place as their leader, and she did her best to curb her temper whenever they inevitably screwed up. With a lot of patience, the garden looked great and all of them felt good about a job well-done. An unintentional team-building exercise that had gone better than the card game nights and strengthened their bonds.
“But if we put her in the pond,” Grounder began.
“They need salt water!” Coconuts said. “So even if it would eat a slug, it ain’t savin’ her flowers! Also, I think she’d be insulted if you named a Sea Urchin after her.”
“Why?” Grounder asked. “Aren’t they cute?”
Coconuts pondered for a moment and then shook his head. “No? Just spiky.”
“Oh!” Grounder said. “I might reconsider then.”
“It’d get confusing anyway,” Scratch said. “But that’s not a sea cucumber! Which is what you asked me about. What are those like?”
He nervously glanced at Coconuts who shrugged.
“Ehhh, kinda ugly? I think they have a lotta little feet and no head,” Coconuts admitted.
“No head?! Gross!” Grounder said, startled.
“Like you when you lose yours,” Scratch said with a smirk.
“Rude! And I don’t have feet,” Grounder argued. “That was just a one-time accessory which I never got back.”
“Hey! You don’t know what you thought you were thinkin’ about, do ya?” Coconuts asked.
Scratch pointed at himself and Coconuts nodded. Scratch turned so pale his beak, wattles, and comb did too.
Grounder scratched his head then he grinned evilly as he realized what this might mean, before he pointed at Scratch as well.
“Ah ha! You have to forfeit! You weren’t thinkin’ of nothin’!” Grounder said.
He didn’t realize this was a double-negative. A puzzled Scratch soon waved his hands side to side and shook his head.
“But I wuh-wuh-was!” Scratch insisted. “I had somethin’ in mind!”
“But ya didn’t know what it was!” Coconuts said. “You freaked out ‘cause you thought maybe Grounder guessed it!”
“HEY! I won?!?” Grounder gasped, eyes wide. “Or wait a minute, is he sayin’ you cheated?!”
Grounder glared at Scratch, who looked sheepish and continued shaking his head and hands wildly in turn.
“Noooo ho-ho! I wasn’t… okay but-but I… it uhhh… wha-what’s that long slimy fish that electrocutes people?!?” Scratch asked. “Bwa hah ka ha! That’s the one I was thinkin’ of.”
They all looked at one another and then contemplated this but Scratch soon became frustrated and he frowned at Coconuts.
“You’re tellin’ me that wasn’t in your animal magazine?!” Scratch asked. “I know it; I know what it is, I just can’t uh think. I got your forgetfulness somehow. You infected me with it!”
A sheepish Coconuts shrugged.
“I mean… it was probably in there? I’m tryin’ to remember too but marine animals aren’t my speciality!” Coconuts said. “I was designed for usin’ artillery and demolitions, same as you!”
Scratch sulked and felt indescribably stupid for not knowing the answer to his own question.
“Oh! Oh! An eel!” Grounder said suddenly. “It’s an electric eel, Scratch!”
Scratch and Coconuts blinked at each other then slowly nodded in agreement.
“Hey!” Scratch said. “Heh-heh-hey, you actually got it, Grounder! You did it.”
He was annoyed to have lost but genuinely proud now that his twin had succeeded when he and Coconuts had faltered on account of faulty memory banks. Naturally, Grounder was incredibly pleased with himself.
“I never doubted it for a second,” Grounder said, puffing out a big barrel of a chest.
“I mean… Scratch kinda gave it away though,” Coconuts said. “Does that really count?”
“Hey, he passed me the trick!” Grounder said, just as proud as before. “And I picked it up!”
Scratch sighed. “That’s not how this game works! But I’m letting you win so it’ll be over with.”
“Woo hoo! Well, I’m ready to play again! Reset, rematch!” Grounder said, his expression gleeful and determined. “I’ll do even better this time!”
“I doubt that,” Coconuts muttered.
He rolled his beady eyes. Scratch glared over at Coconuts and then grinned at his brother.
“Okay, let’s switch it up and also make it easier on both of us!” Scratch said. “Guess which number I’m thinking of, under a thousand ‘cause I don’t wanna do this all night. We gotta go home at some point!”
“Is it a mineral?” Grounder asked.
“...I said number!” Scratch reminded him.
“But that’s not the game!” Grounder said. “Wait, was I supposed to be guessing numbers this whole time? Is that what you meant?”
“Doh! Did you know how to play Twenty Questions this whole time?!” Scratch snapped. “Were you just screwing with me?!”
Grounder put a finger up to his mouth innocently.
“Nooo?” Grounder asked with genuine uncertainty.
Coconuts groaned and finally spun around so his back was to them, facing the work-space where he could sell tickets through the window. He then shifted the book between his arms with a scowl as they continued to bicker.
“Can’t you brass bolts just dance quietly so I can read in peace?” Coconuts asked.
“Aww, I’d love to but the lobby music is so faint and most of it sucks!” Grounder protested.
Scratch frowned and nodded in agreement. They’d done that before a few times when it was really dead, which wasn’t often. Scratch finally left his post and sauntered over to the concession stand until the low counter was between them. He grinned at his brother as he placed his bolted elbow on top of it, raising his hand in the air and offering it to Grounder not unlike a handshake.
“Let’s just arm wrestle! Best two out of three?” Scratch asked.
“Oh, you know I’m gonna win that!” Grounder said with the biggest grin. "Make it three out of five!"
Coconuts sighed as the twins soon grunted from exertion and slammed their arms far too hard onto the concession countertop but at least he could tune them out now.