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Sometimes we meet with a bang. We do this time around. We meet with the bang of a case opening and bags of weed spilling all over the floor. And in that moment I really look at you, I was expecting Rick Sorkin, but it's Mike Ross. Brillant Mike Ross. Kind Mike Ross. Funny Mike Ross. You never change.
Sometimes we meet with the bang of a gun. More often than not I'm the injured party. And as everything vanishes in pain I see you. More often than not trying to stop the bleeding. Kind, you're always so kind. It's nice to die at the kindness of your heart.
Sometimes we meet with a beep. The beep of my own heart as it beats too hard against my chest. Awakened by the pain, I can barely focus on those around the room. And then my eyes fall on you, because after all these lives, my eyes always find you first. And my heart beats harder for another reason. Sometimes you're there as the worried visitor who saw what happened to me. Always too kind. Sometimes you are the doctor or the nurse checking on me. Always so brilliant. And I know your name before you say it. After so much time it has been engraved with red hot iron into my heart. And then you give me that reassuring smile, and everything feels alright.
Sometimes we meet with a screech. The screech of my car panic stopped as I nearly hit you. You're sliding all over with your stupid bike. I hate that stupid bike. It has killed you in our past, you never listen to me but too often I have been left waiting for you, only to get a call too late informing me of your end. Those lives I fall into depression and drink. It's just not worth it, not without you.
Sometimes we meet with the screech of a chair being pulled back. This has happened too many times to count. Sometimes it's in some type of coffee shop, on a busy Sunday morning, the tables are full and you choose to sit with me and we fall in love slowly, Sunday after Sunday. In silence, in familiarity. Am I engraved in your heart? Do you know me even when you don't know me?
Sometimes you get into my class late, because you're always late. That doesn't change, no matter how much I try. You're too young and we both know it, but we end up friends long before either of us makes a move.
Sometimes you pull the chair besides mine in the SAT's and I see you, and I know. You don't but I flirt with you enough to peak your curiosity. We don't keep contact, but we always end up meeting again in those lives.
Sometimes we meet in court, as opposing counsel. The ones where your brilliant mind is valued are always my favorite lives. My brilliant Mike. Sometimes you're a pro-bono, you fucked up, as you often do because you're always too kind. I always win in those lives, I can't let you go to prison. You're too kind, too soft. You're always meant to be mine. You hug me when I win, all too happy. And for a short moment everything is right in the world, because you're in my arms, soft and warm where you should always be. I always take you out to celebrate and one of us always makes a move. It's amazing how well we always fit. A part of me always thinks how amazing, that we keep finding eachother. I never want it to end.
Sometimes we meet too late. Sometimes we meet when you're a shivering body in an alley, I help you, I always try to help you. Sometimes it feels like an impossible task but I can't not try. I help you get cleaned up and we create our home together. Even in those lives you're all I always wanted. And you suffered and I hate that I wasn't faster, that I didn't find you sooner. I hate the lives where you're down on your luck. I wish I could take all your pain away.
Sometimes we meet too young. You're a small kid, always too smart, holding your parents hands at a baseball game I'm playing. It's just a highschool game but I become your favorite player. And you, you're always my favorite person Mike, that never changes. And I know you, from your soft blue eyes to your blond hair. I always win when you're there and I always give you a fist bump. I love the starry look you get. Years later we meet again, you're in college and this time around you catch my home run ball, you're always a bit shy when you approach me to get it signed. I always sign it, and you always tell me of the first time you saw me play, you always marvel when I say I remember you. You end up with my number, or I end up with yours but it never really matters, we always end up in bed.
Other times I meet you as a college student, you're still a kid though, your eyes are a bit sadder. You're 9 and your parents have already died. And you're trick or treating, you knock on my door and you see me and Donna, we meet earlier whenever you and I meet earlier too. Like or dynamic is just meant to be. A normal force of the universe. I always make some comment to you, you're too smart and I always get amazed that you can keep up with me, even at that age. Years later you admit to me that I was your first crush. You were mine too, but I never say. A part of me cries at the lost time, but that's just life.
The worst life I spend searching for you. Finally I found you in a cemetery, 6 feet under. Michael James Ross, 1981-1989. You were in the car with them and you didn't make it this time around. And how do you explain to people that you are mourning a kid you never met?
You don't always fall in love with me, though I always love you. Sometimes you meet a nice woman and you're happy, sometimes you're not so happy. Those times I hate them too, you deserve happiness Mike, you deserve everything.
Sometimes I see you walk down the aisle towards me, sometimes I see you walk towards her or him. It hurts, but after so long, pain is an all too familiar old friend.
We're not always lawyers, though we are more often than not. Sometimes we're doctors, scholars, we've been a thousand different things in a million different universes.
In one life we meet in rehab. I bust my shoulder beyond repair and I become addicted to vicodin. You're there as part of your parole, and when I finally see you, I can feel a soft balm on my heart and I finally understand what feeling I was trying so desperately to get. I was trying to replace you. After meeting you I never even think about vicodin again, and suddenly rehab isn't so bad. You're sarcastic and fun and so smart. And suddenly, like every bad moment of our lives together, this becomes so less horrible. I leave first and come visit, and when you get out you move in, like the most natural thing in the world. Because Mike, I always trust you.
In this lifetime we meet with the sweet sound of a melody. I followed in my dad's footsteps and I'm playing the saxophone in a jazz club. I look up and I see you. I would know you everywhere, from your messy ash blond hair, and those baby blues. And I suddenly understood how my dad fell for my mom. I understand love at first sight and all the love songs about it. It is like being struck by lightning and both a heart that stops beating and beats too fast. And everything I wish at that moment is to stop playing and going to your table and kissing you and asking your hand in marriage and a thousand other things that will scare you. Instead on my break I approach you, flirt and laugh, and I get to steal a soft tender kiss. Our first kisses are always perfect. You expect this to be a one time thing, but there is no way I'm letting you go. And so we get years, we've been together for 5 years and we're at the altar and I'm holding your hands. By now I've written thousands of love songs for you and I'll keep going, because after so long of being in love with you, you're my everything. And after you say your vows, I can't help myself.
"Mike, I love you. I've loved you from the first moment I saw. I've loved every part of you since that one fateful moment. I would have loved you if we didn't meet at that point. I would love you if you came into my life with the bang on a suitcase popping open, or if it was with the screeching sound of a car or a chair being pulled. Because I'm as sure as the sun will come up tomorrow, that we have met in different universes and that in each of them, I have loved you just as much as I love you in this one. And I hope that after our many years together in this one, you won't make me wait too long in the next one."
"I promise to try my best."
And by any possible god that exists, your smile is the most beautiful thing in the world. I will find you in every world, wait for me, my love, My Mike.