Chapter Text
Lily closed her eyes, her breath coming out in a deep, shuddering exhale. “I need to wed.” She looked up at James, at his mouth open in what she believed to be shock. His cheeks were tinged with a slight blush and he seemed to be ready to reply, perhaps to refuse to help her, so Lily hurriedly interrupted him. “Please help me.”
Ten days earlier
Miss Lily Evans, the youngest daughter of a Mrs Evans, wasn’t what society called fashionable. Her hair were too bright, the blemishes on her skin hard to conceal and she couldn’t be bothered to act demure and smitten in front of every gentleman that graciously offered to converse with her. Perhaps, all those flaws would be overlooked if she was a rich heiress, but unfortunately her father had gambled their modest fortune away before his premature passing, leaving a young widow and two girls in dire need of financial help. Luckily, Mrs Evans’ brother was an enough successful merchant and he’d been able to come to their aid. He’d been the one to make sure they had enough funds to look presentable in society, but he had four children of his own and couldn’t provide a dowry for his nieces as well.
He’d also been able to concoct a rather ingenious scheme that had led to Petunia, Lily’s older sister, receiving a quite generous offer of marriage from the son of his business partner. Over all, they owed him a lot. With her eldest daughter taken care of, Lily had become the sole focus of her mother’s concerns and Mrs Evans would, without fail, lament their lack of fortune and the brightness of her daughter’s hair that she had no doubt inherited from her father’s side of the family.
“I so wish you would have taken after me, like your sister.” She sighed as she brushed Lily’s long locks. “Who is going to marry you with such hair?”
“I don’t care for marriage mama.”
“Oh, child! Don’t say such retched things.”
“I could become a governess and make enough money to take care of you.”
“A governess?!” She exclaimed, her pale blue eyes wide as saucers as she met her daughter’s gaze in the mirror. “Oh, my, I’m going to be sick.”
“Mama!”
Lily got up instantly and whipped around, but her mother pushed her back on the chair. “Lily, darling, working is not an option for a young lady from a respectable family. Please don’t suggest it again.”
“But how can we support ourselves with no money? We can’t ask my uncle to take care of us forever.”
“We have Mr Dursley as well now.”
Lily frowned, thinking back to her sister’s wedding day. “Didn’t you hear what Miss Dursley said?”
Mrs Evans’ hands stilled for moment before she started braiding her hair. “That’s of no consequences. A simple dispute, but we are family now.”
“She said she won’t allow us to set our hands on her family’s fortune. As if they were rich to begin with!”
“I-”
“As if her dreadful ogre of a brother shouldn’t thank Petunia for even talking to him-”
“Lily! That’s no way to talk about a gentleman.” She sighed, her eyes focused on her task. “Goodness, what am I going to do with you?” Lily opened her mouth to reply, peeved, but her mother payed her no mind. “Here. Look at how lovely you look. Perhaps we could add some flowers to your hair. I daresay the gentlemen would find it most becoming.”
Lily wanted to tell her she did not care about any gentleman’s opinion on her hair, but she bit her tongue. At one and twenty years of age she was well within the proper age to marry, but she couldn’t help but wish that wasn’t her only option. She hated how a woman’s role in society seemed to only be in the sidelines, behind a husband or a father, unable to work, to voice her opinion, to forge her own path. She didn’t think herself inferior to any men, but there was no way of earning her own money that her mother would find acceptable and she desperately wanted to please her. Petunia’s marriage had been advantageous enough, but she didn’t think her husband would take care of her or her mother, he certainly hadn’t offered so far, so she believed it was up to her. She worried about the future, about her mother having to accept that her son in law was greedy and unfeeling, about her uncle leaving them behind, having to take care of his own children. She sighed. She wished there was a way for her to secure a good match. She didn’t ask for much, not love or devotion, but she hoped for friendship and respect and especially for someone kind enough to take care of her mother too. Looking at herself in the mirror, not for the first time she wished she had the pale blonde hair that were so fashionable in London’s society and that there was a way to conceal her freckles.
“Here.” Mrs Evans stepped back, admiring the wild flowers she had just placed in Lily’s hair. “Enchanting. Now get up, we need to get you in your white gown. Mrs Vance mended it, it’s as good as new. And you can borrow my gloves.”
“Why do I need to wear white, mama?”
“Oh, didn’t I tell you? Lady Potter is having a soiree to celebrate her son’s return to London. All the young ladies will be in white.”
“James is back?”
Lily asked without thinking and Mrs Evans looked at her in astonishment. “Lily! It was acceptable to call him by his given name when you were children, but you are adults now. I’m hoping after all these years he will notice you aren’t the little girl who used to run around his house anymore.”
Lily bit her lip, mortified. Sometimes she forgot that the scrawny boy she remembered strutting around the grand London house with his shirt untucked was a future Lord. In her defence, Lord and Lady Potter were known in society for an unbecoming tendency not to care about the distinction of class, not that anyone would tell that to their faces. Mrs Evans had been introduced to Lady Potter while Mr Evans was still alive and, once she’d found out the girls didn’t have a governess, she’d insisted they were welcomed to study with her son, who was only a couple of months younger than Lily. Mrs Evans had been flattered and had started to take the girls to her house, so they could get a proper education. Petunia of course had acted like the perfect young lady, while Lily’s initial reaction to the future Lord hadn’t been positive and she hadn’t been afraid to let him know. Spoiled, loud and noisy he’d been everything she disapproved of in a boy and not even Petunia’s glares had been enough to convince her to be gracious with him. Besides, he’d seemed to enjoy provoking her, tugging on her pigtails while she tried to work on her Latin, insisting on calling her Evans instead of Miss Lily like he’d been instructed, saying that she didn’t look like a girl to him. Slowly though, as they had been forced to study and play together, they had grown closer and she’d found herself giggling madly as he hid a frog under Miss McGonagall’s desk, or chasing after Crookshanks, the family cat, with him around the house.
She hadn’t seen him in years. He’d barely been a teenager when he’d left to spend a year with his mother’s family in Italy and after that the Potters had retired to their estate in Derbyshire, only recently coming back to London, while James was already studying at Cambridge. She looked at her reflection, shifting an errand curl to the side of her face and observing critically the contrast of the blue of the flowers with the auburn of her hair. She knew the other girls would wear jewellery with their white dresses, while she could only count on the simplest of ornaments. She stilled, frowning. This was James, why would she care if he noticed she wasn’t as pretty or as elegant as the other ladies?
“Lily, don’t wrinkle your forehead like that.” She looked up in surprise and saw her mom coming forward with her plain muslin dress. “Come now, I’ll help you.” Lily didn’t speak as her mother tied her corset more tightly and helped her slip her dress on. “There. Maybe tonight some nice boy will notice what a refined young lady you’ve become. Perhaps on the dance floor?” She asked with an arched brow and Lily had to stop herself from rolling her eyes. She despised dancing and often found the most creative excuses to avoid accepting offers but, after Lady Diggory had asked worriedly to Mrs Evans if it was true that Miss Lily couldn’t bear standing up long enough to enjoy a dance, she’d had to stop. No one wants a sickly wife, Lily her mother had uttered, scandalized, but truthfully Lily thought the dances they were required to perform were utterly boring and her slightly too small satin shoes made the experience even less enjoyable.
“We will see.”
Mrs Evans exhaled and turned around to let Lily help her with her corset, before slipping on an elegant midnight blue dress. She knew this was one of her mother’s most treasured possessions and she marvelled at how something as simple as a young man returning home could entice such a response from everyone around him.
***
Lily looked around, admiring the richly decorated ballroom. A violin quartet played in the background as the guests gathered inside. As Mrs Evans had predicted, the unmarried ladies all wore their most elegant white dresses and some, their most garish jewels. She watched as Mrs Parkinson pushed her daughters forward with decision and the girls bowed gracefully in front of a couple of young men she didn’t know. They were both quite tall and elegantly dressed and she wondered if they were new in town. Surely her mother would have forced an introduction otherwise.
“Lily!”
She turned and smiled as she spotted Miss Mary Macdonald, her closest friend. “Mary! I didn’t know you were coming.”
“My father thought this might be a good opportunity to ask Lord Potter for an extension on his loan.” She looked down, blushing slightly. “This hasn’t been a good year for business.”
Lily nodded and moved to grab Mary’s hand. The truth, she knew, was that Mr MacDonald wasn’t the sharpest of businessmen and his wife had had to start working as a governess to support their big family, something that should have excluded them from high society, but Lord Potter obviously had made an exception. Mary was the oldest of seven children and, at the age of eight and twenty, she had all but given up on finding a husband. Lily thought any gentleman who preferred rich heiresses to her friend had no sense, her sweet disposition and intelligence far more precious in a wife than money, but no one had made her an offer and she knew her friend was quite resigned. “Do you know who the gentlemen talking to Miss Parkinson and Miss Daphne are? They are quite handsome.” She asked to change the subject and, to her great surprise, Mary laughed.
“Oh, you are serious!” She shook her head. “Come, I’ll make the introductions.”
“Mary, no!” Lily hissed, looking behind her as Mary dragged her through the crowd. “You know it’s not proper to introduce ourselves, mother will- Oh.” She stopped, eyes widened in shock, as they approached the gaggle of young girls and saw the men more clearly. It had been years, but she would recognize those hair anywhere. He was taller than she remembered, his cheekbones sharper and the bored expression entirely unfamiliar, but it was unequivocally him. It was James. Mr Potter, she hastily corrected herself, the future Lord Potter.
Mary approached them with a bow and a smile, drawing the attention to herself. “Welcome back, sir. I hope you haven’t been gone for so long that you have forgotten your old friends.”
James’ face split in a smile as he stepped forward and took her hand, placing a delicate whisper of a kiss on her glove. “It’s a pleasure to see you again, Miss MacDonald, you look as lovely as I remember.” He gestured behind him and his friend walked towards them, while Miss Parkinson and Miss Daphne looked scandalized that he’d addressed someone as lowly as Mary in such a familiar manner. “May I introduce my good friend? Mr Sirius Black, Miss Mary MacDonald.”
“A pleasure.” He said haughtily and James shook his head.
“You have to excuse him, he’s crossed with me because I wouldn’t excuse him from the party.”
“Oh, I completely understand. Although, sir, you still might consider yourself lucky you aren’t required to wear a corset like us ladies. It’s torture and we still manage it with a smile.”
He looked shocked for a moment before barking a laugh, a genuine spark in his grey eyes. “My sympathies, Miss MacDonald. Please excuse me and accept the next dance as an apology.”
Mary blushed, but nodded and let him write his name on her card, before turning towards Lily, who hadn’t moved from her spot and waved her forward.
“Evans?”
“Good evening.” She said, her voice barely wavering, and bowed. As she straightened, James still hadn’t recovered from the shock of seeing her so his friend stepped forward with a slight grin.
“I assume Miss Evans is the proper greeting? Or do you defy society’s rules and go by the name of Evans?”
“Miss Lily Evans, sir.”
“Oh, how ladylike.” He shot a quick look at James, before turning back towards her. “Charming indeed.”
“I don’t appreciate being mocked, Mr Black.” Lily said. She couldn’t help herself and she crossed her arms in annoyance, dropping them as she pictured her mama’s stupor if she could see her in such an inelegant pose. “I can’t help being Miss Evans any more than you can help being Mr Black.”
“Oh, now I recognize you.” James said, finally finding his voice again. “What a delight it is to see you again. Forgive me for my surprise, but I don’t think I have ever seen you without your pigtails. The result is positively mesmerizing.”
Lily blushed fiercely. “Some of us realized adulthood requires combing your hair.”
“Lily, dear.” Lily’s mouth opened in horror and James snickered as Mrs Evans spoke from behind her, her tone light, but with a definite edge. In a moment she was plunged back to her childhood, to her mom scolding her for getting mud on her dress even if James had been the one to jump into the puddle.
“Mrs Evans, it’s a pleasure to see you again.”
“And you, Mr Potter. Lady Potter must be absolutely delighted to have you home. I trust you are staying for a while?”
“Yes. I missed London and Mr Black has never been before.”
“My dear mother doesn’t enjoy mixing with commoners.” Mr Black said with a grimace before taking a sip of his drink.
Lily could see her mother’s smile freezing, but she recovered quickly, nodding politely. “I understand. The country is most refreshing if one enjoys a quieter life.”
He shrugged before turning to Mary. “Miss MacDonald, I believe it’s time for our dance.” At her nod he took her hand before excusing himself and leading her to the dance floor.
“What a wonderful sort of amusement dancing is, wouldn’t you agree Mr Potter?”
“Oh, yes.” James answered, taken aback, while Lily closed her eyes, already knowing what was coming.
“Aren’t you keen on taking to the floor yourself?”
“Oh, of course, I-”
“Miss Evans is a delightful dancing partner.”
James’ eyebrows rose noticeably, but seven years had apparently taught him some manners because he turned towards her, hand outstretched. “Miss Evans, will you do me the honour?”
Lily could feel her mother’s eyes on her as she took his hand and let him lead her to the dancefloor as the music was starting to play. They stood in front of each other next to the other couples in line and Lily could hear the whispers from the mamas on the edge of the dance floor. She imagined their surprise at seeing the guest of honour, a future Lord, lowering himself and dancing with the likes of her.
“Is dancing with me such a gloomy prospect?” James asked as they turned around one another, his gloved hand brushing her back.
“What?”
“You seem decisively unhappy, Evans.”
“I don’t enjoy dancing, Mr Potter.” She said, a half-truth of sort. Her tight shoes made dancing an unpleasant chore, but she was mostly irritated by the stares she could feel on her and with her mother, for thrusting her into the spotlight in such a brazen manner.
“I thought all young ladies loved to dance.”
“Yes,” Lily said, sarcasm colouring her voice, “because all women are the same, we don’t have likes and dislikes that are our own, we only enjoy what society says we are supposed to enjoy.”
He guffawed, catching the attention of the people around them as Lily spun elegantly on herself before catching his hand again. “I missed you, Evans.” She didn’t reply as they joined another couple and turned in a circle and she forced herself to smile prettily, as she knew was required of her.
“You shouldn’t say things like that.” She said seriously once they were close again and she could see a spark in his eyes.
“Why is that?”
“It’s untoward. You are a gentleman and I’m unmarried.”
“Since when do you care?”
“Since w-?” she looked at him in astonishment. He seemed genuinely curious as he bowed in front of her and Lily wondered what kind of privileged and pampered life he must have led not to realize what he was asking. “Since I grew up, since I realized that I can’t do whatever I wish to do if I want to support myself and my mother. Not that you’d understand.” And she turned around, walking briskly towards the refreshment table, leaving him standing stunned behind her.