Archive of Our Own ^beta

"There's no undo and there's no repeat
Can't go back to how we used to be
There's no restart but only proceed
Take up from where we've left off and see."

Their first meeting lasts mere seconds. 

Tav walks right across a magical tripwire, one that’s invisible to her, and sets it off.

Instantly, there’s an invisible force that locks her ankles together and she finds that she cannot lift the bottoms of her feet from the ground. She feels the tendrils of panic start to take hold of her.

Tav whips her head around erratically, looking for the owner of the trap. She’s deep within the forest, much too far from any civilization or traveling path to shout for help, and the sun has set long ago. 

With the setting sun comes the awakening of nocturnal creatures, which means that any noise she makes now can end up granting her a death wish from monsters other than the one she’s supposed to be hunting.

Tav sheathes her sword and bends over, fingers reaching for the invisible thread that’s looped around her legs, but she doesn’t feel anything. There are no signs of anything that could be keeping Tav’s feet trapped to the forest floor the way that they are, and yet: she’s not able to move. 

A rustling comes from the dense trees surrounding Tav. 

She pulls her sword out with her right hand, her left hand coming up to steady her grip, and flicks her gaze over to the noise.

From behind a tree, a figure emerges and walks closer to Tav. 

Even in the darkness, Tav makes out the person to be a tall woman with white hair in a high-ponytail and a contrasting black cloak around her shoulders.

Tav holds her breath as she comes face-to-face with the white-haired witch whose green eyes seem to bear more poison than the most venomous beast in the realm. 

The very same witch Tav’s been sent to kill.  

Before Tav can even utter a word or even try to swing her sword, everything turns black.

—

The next time Tav’s eyes open, she’s laying down next to a trading route with no recollection of how she’d gotten there. 

Her memories feel far-off, as if she’s made them all up. It’s the same feeling as waking up after a rest and not entirely knowing what had happened in your dreams—everything feeling just out of reach.

She remembers being a knight and she remembers her name, but those are the only definitive things she can recall. She cannot remember the names of her family members or friends, can’t even make out familiar faces of her fellow knights. 

It's frightening to not know what’s happened in the past day—let alone not knowing what’s happened your entire life .

There are faint trails of what she thinks might be memories, but could just be a barely-remembered dream. 

Tav stands from the dusty road and gathers her bearings, trying to quell the rising panic inside of her. 

She needs to get back to her camp.

—

Nobody remembers her.

Nobody knows somebody named ‘Tav’, though Tav is 100% sure that that is her name.

Nobody recognizes her, even though she scrambles around panickedly in hopes of seeing some sort of recognition in people’s faces at the sight of her. She knows she may not be the only gray-skinned tiefling with one destroyed curled-horn and mismatching eye-colors in the universe, but surely she’s unique-looking enough for somebody to recognize her.

No.

It’s all for naught. 

She just seems like a lost soul who’s looking for a home to the knights. They offer her a bed and some food, but Tav knows she was once a part of them—knows she once wore their armor with pride and honor. She carried the same steel swords as them, trained day-and-night with them—and yet she is treated as nothing more than a regular citizen.

She has to go back. She needs to become part of them again, she needs to remember who she was— who she is .

So: she starts anew.

Tav trains to become a knight once again. 

—

Shadowheart.

The name strikes a memory within Tav, whose shoulders tense and eyes widen. 

It’s not a name that she’d remembered before hearing it spoken out loud. Blurry memories and flashes of something —perhaps the past, perhaps another maybe-dream—rush through Tav’s brain once she hears that name. 

She stares down at the paper that’s been passed around to her and the other knights in the room, having to make a conscious effort to not let her hands shake.

Before even reading the physical attributes of the wanted witch, Tav knows that she has green eyes. She stares at the black-inked sketch on the paper and knows that this woman has green eyes, as if she’s seen her before. As if she’s stared into those eyes before. 

It feels like a fact that’s as true as the sky being blue—and it shakes Tav to her core.

How does she know this?

“ Shadowheart ,” their captain calls out, repeating the name, his voice reverberating in the massive circular room that they’re gathered in. He steps up behind the podium, staring amongst his crew. “This is the immortal witch that we’ve been hunting for the past ten centuries.”

Tav’s brain somehow manages to tune out his commandeering voice, making it sound muffled to her ears.

She flips the paper over to read the physical description of the woman.

WHITE HAIR. GREEN EYES. SCAR ACROSS RIGHT CHEEK AND NOSE. 

An uneasy feeling settles inside of Tav’s stomach, causing the hair on her arms to raise and a line of sweat to build above her brow. She turns the paper back over, hearing it crinkle as she tightens her grip and stares at the lifeless drawing on the material.

They’ve met. 

Somehow, they’ve met, even if Tav has no recollection of it.

She’s sure of it. 

Tav has to let this be the third thing she’s sure of in her life.

Whoever this witch is, Tav needs to be the one to find her.

“ Shadowheart !”

Tav’s throat feels raw by the fourth time she’d screamed out for the witch. She struggles against invisible reins, somehow familiar in their hold, as her eyes flit over the dense forestry around her. 

She grips her sword downwards with one hand, causing the weight of it to topple over and the tip of it to drag against the leaves on the ground. The weapon is already bloodied, fresh dark-red liquid dripping down the sides of it. 

Two dead wolves lay at Tav’s feet: the result of a struggle that happened so quickly the memory of it has already started to morph into nothingness. 

“Come out, you damned witch!”

Despite the exhaustion from shouting and fighting while trapped, Tav’s words still come out strong. Her vision blurs, and black spots appear and disappear as she blinks frustrated tears away. 

“ Shadowheart !” she screams. “Come out here, you—“

“You’re being unnecessarily noisy.”

Tav gasps in surprise at the words spoken into her right ear, her head whipping to the side for the voice’s owner. 

She sees nothing. 

Like the magical rope tied around her ankles, she knows that something is there—but she cannot see it.

Then, a light blue glow emanates beside her as the witch appears seemingly from thin-air. She’s standing so close that her and Tav’s noses are practically touching, but neither of them recoil. 

Instinctively, Tav tries to bring up her sword, but her bones ache and her arm trembles in its attempt. Shadowheart places a firm hand onto Tav’s forearm as her fingers tighten and dull nails dig into Tav’s skin: a warning not to try again. 

Even with the absolute lack of emotion on Shadowheart’s face, Tav feels a chill run down her spine.

“How long have you been standing there?” Tav whispers through gritted teeth. 

Shadowheart’s gaze flicks between Tav’s gray and blue eyes. “Long enough to watch you kill those two beasts.”

She gives a barely-there nod of the head towards the slain wolves, keeping eye-contact with Tav.

Rage flares up within Tav.

“You just watched ?”

“You handled yourself plenty fine,” Shadowheart says. There’s a faint squeeze on Tav’s arm. “I didn’t expect you to call out my name.”

“We’ve met before,” Tav manages to choke out. Shadowheart’s eyes widen and she’s unable to hold back the look of pure shock that floods her facial features as she pulls back slightly. Tav’s voice lowers to a volume that’s barely audible. “Haven’t we?”

Shadowheart’s grasp on Tav loosens and travels downwards, lithe fingers trailing over the back of Tav’s knuckles before they take the sword from Tav’s hold. Tav finds herself relenting control, uncurling her fingers around the sword’s hilt. Her entire arm cries out in exhaustion as the weight is lifted and a brief flash of confusion runs through her as she wonders why she so willingly let Shadowheart take her weapon away. 

There’s a feeling there, almost something along the lines of trust, that she can’t shake. 

“What do you remember?” the witch asks after disarming Tav. 

“Your eyes,” Tav answers quietly, watching Shadowheart’s eyebrows knit together. She gulps, the following confession feeling mutely intimate. “I—I knew they were green.”

“Is that all?” Shadowheart questions. There’s a frown on her lips now.

“You did something to me,” Tav states. 

She’s not 100% sure about the accusation, but Shadowheart’s quickly averting gaze is evidence in itself. 

A mix of emotions fight for dominance in Tav’s rapidly beating heart. 

She reaches for the sword in Shadowheart’s grip, placing her hand over the witch’s own. 

Tav feels the tensing of Shadowheart’s hand as she tightens her hold on the weapon. She’s surprised that the witch even let Tav touch her, but pushes away the lingering thought.

“What did you do to me, Shadowheart?” Tav asks in a broken whisper. 

Shadowheart’s skin feels warm under Tav’s touch. For some irrational reason, Tav would’ve thought the evil witch to be cold as ice.

A moment of hesitation from Shadowheart passes. 

She shakes her head weakly, almost sadly.

“ You weren’t supposed to remember .”

There’s a split-second where both of them freeze, letting the sentence linger in the air.

Then, Tav tries to swipe for the sword.

Shadowheart is faster though. She pulls it away and takes a wide step back. 

“What did you do ?!” Tav screams, still being held in place by Shadowheart’s trap. Anger and desperation claws its way out of Tav’s body, spilling over the precipice. Her emotions had been in a cycle of simmering and exploding since she’s been trapped in the witch’s tripwire. “Where are my friends and family?! Who are you?! Why can’t I remember anything?!”

“I’m sorry,” Shadowheart speaks calmly underneath Tav’s shouts. For what it’s worth, she does seem genuinely apologetic. Her eyebrows are furrowed and her jaw is clenched—but Tav only sees red. These apologies mean nothing if she knows nothing about herself. “I’m sorry. You weren’t supposed to remember.”

“What the fuck does that mean?!” Tav cries out. “I’ll kill you! I’ll kill you, you damned witch!”

There’s a howl in the distance, and Shadowheart’s entire body tenses as her head snaps towards the noise’s direction.

She looks back towards Tav, who’s still threatening and cussing at her loudly. 

After a moment of hesitation, Shadowheart lets out a deep breath and brings her free hand up, speaking incoherent words under her breath as a rose-tinted glow streams towards Tav’s head.

“ What are you— ?”

Tav’s question is cut off as she slumps to the ground in a deep-sleep.

—

Tav gasps awake, sitting up from her sleeping position in an instant. She looks around to find herself in a bed, with a wool-blanket pooling in her lap. Her armor had been discarded and laid onto the floor, leaving her in just her underclothes. 

The room that she’s in is small, big enough to fit a double-bed and a standing wardrobe, but nothing else—and the only door in the room is closed shut.

She pushes the blankets off and stands onto wobbly-feet, hurrying towards the one window in the room to look out of it. 

It’s daylight now, and there’s the treeline of forest just outside of wherever she is. Tav looks back towards the closed door, and then decides to try and open the window.

As soon as her fingers touch the glass panel, Tav hisses at the scorching sensation that pains her and pulls back. 

It’s another trap that Shadowheart has set. 

Moments later, the door opens. 

Tav spins on her heel and spots Shadowheart standing in the entryway, holding Tav’s sword in her left hand. The tip of the sword is pointed downwards, the same way Tav held it earlier, but there is no blood on it anymore. 

Shadowheart cleaned it for her.

The black cloak Shadowheart had been wearing is nowhere to be seen. She wears a white blouse in its place, loosely tied in its front strings, and a pair of black trousers. Her striking white hair is down from its earlier ponytail and tumbles over her shoulders and back freely. 

Tav finds her rage building at the sight of the witch looking so casual, and then feels vulnerable at the realization that she also looks casual in her underclothes.

“ You —”

“I can explain,” Shadowheart cuts off whatever angry threat was sitting at the tip of Tav’s tongue. She walks further into the room, closing the door behind her. “But if you’d rather I not, we can do the same song-and-dance that we’ve been doing.”

After saying that, Shadowheart extends the hand holding the sword.

She’s giving it to Tav.

“The same song-and-dance?” Tav repeats in confusion, bewildered at the offer.

Shadowheart’s head tilts to the side slightly. “As in: you try to kill me.”

Tav steps forward warily, taking the sword from Shadowheart, who doesn’t even flinch back once the weapon is fully in Tav’s control. They stand face-to-face, being nearly the same height, and Shadowheart keeps a steady gaze locked onto Tav’s eyes.

Tav brings the sword up to fighting stance, pressing the flat of it against her right shoulder as she holds the hilt with two hands. Her eyes wander Shadowheart’s face, noting her perpetual frown and wrinkled forehead. 

“Why should I believe a single word you say to me?” Tav questions sternly. She’s trying very hard to control the rage inside of her, but her words still come out through gritted teeth. All she wants is to stab the sword straight through the witch. “How do I know you’re not lying to me?”

“I have written evidence,” Shadowheart answers, holding Tav’s glare. “You don’t have to trust me, but I think enough time has passed for me to tell you the full truth. If you still want to kill me after the explanation, then so be it.”

A tense few moments of silence pass as Tav debates her options. 

She lowers her sword carefully, putting it down and resting it against the windowsill. 

“Fine,” Tav says. “I want the full story.”

Shadowheart’s lips lift up—not quite in a smile, but she’s not frowning anymore. She nods firmly. “Follow me.”

-

Shadowheart leads Tav out of the small bedroom and down a short hallway, into a study.

Bookshelves line every wall of the room. There are more books in this room than books Tav’s probably read in her lifetime—not that she’d remember any of it. Her awe is short-lived as Shadowheart walks to the desk by the window, pulling out a drawer entirely and placing it on top of the desk.

The witch looks over her shoulder when she sees that Tav hasn’t followed her over to the desk.

“Come,” Shadowheart orders lightly. “You should read this.”

Tav’s feet feel heavy as she walks closer. Again, she feels like she’s had memories here before—similar to how she’s felt about seeing Shadowheart’s face on the bounty paper. Nothing makes sense, but she settles in the space besides Shadowheart as the woman thumbs through thick journals and folded envelopes.

“Here,” Shadowheart slides a worn leather-bound journal over to Tav. The journal has clearly been made up of ripped pages from other journals, and then rebound together into one book. “I’ll leave you alone to go through everything and bring in some pastries for you to eat. There’s an outhouse by the backdoor should you need it.”

“Why do you trust me alone here? What if I just try to escape?” 

The questions leave Tav’s lips without her brain giving them permission to.

Shadowheart seems amused. “You’ll find out soon enough.” She turns to leave, then: “I also have a magical boundary surrounding the property—though I think that you already know that.”

A phantom burn on her fingertips makes Tav’s cheeks warm up.

This time, Shadowheart does give a smile. “I’ll be in the living room.”

—

YR 1346

There is a knight that’s been trailing me for days. I’ve been pretending that I haven’t noticed her, but she’s awfully hard to ignore.  

I suspect I’ve been put on a bounty for practicing the art of magic after offering myself to Lady Shar. 

What a shame, I’ve only just started to study it. I can barely keep a dancing light in the palm of my hands for longer than a second before it starts to fizzle out—and I’m already being hunted.

The reason why something so beautiful is looked down upon eludes me.

The knight has not yet tried to harm me so I’ve not decided to fully push her off of my trail.

I wonder if she’s smart enough to not believe the lies that have been spread about me.

I wonder if having hope for such a thing will lead to my demise.

—

It’s Shadowheart’s journal.

Tav frowns, her eyes looking back up towards the dated year. 

The current year is 2813, meaning that this journal entry is over a thousand years old. 

How could this relate in any way to Tav?

She almost skips through the pages entirely, but finds herself deciding against it for some unknown reason. Absent-mindedly, Tav reaches for one of the warm sweetbreads that Shadowheart had given to her on a plate moments earlier. 

The journal entries are only separated by year, so Tav continues reading the 1346 section as she nibbles on the bread.

—

I was attacked by a wolf while I was out foraging. 

It was foolish of me to keep going past sundown, but I’ve been on the brink of a new potion recipe. 

The beast came out of nowhere—easily triple the size of me, with teeth larger than my hands—and pushed me to the ground. I thought it was the end of me when it swiped across my face. One of its nails gave me a good scratch on my right cheek.

As I brought my arms up to hopelessly cover my face, the wolf cried out in pain. Then, its body keeled over and fell to the ground.

When I lowered my hands, I saw the knight standing over me, accompanied by the full-moon just behind her. As my wound ached, I remember thinking that she and the moon share the same skin tone.

She helped me to my feet and then walked me home without a word.  

She didn’t try to enter my cabin. 

In fact, she tried to leave once I’d opened the front door, still without a single word uttered.

I called out to her as she walked away and asked for her name.

She told me it was Tav.

—

Shadowheart looks up as Tav throws the journal harshly onto the couch besides where she’s sitting. She hardly looks surprised.

“What kind of sick joke is this?” Tav asks with anger in her tone. 

“An unfunny one?” Shadowheart offers blankly. At Tav’s deepening frown, Shadowheart keeps talking, picking up the book and holding it out to Tav. “It’s not a joke. You just need to keep reading.”

Tav snatches the book back from Shadowheart with a frown. She lowers herself onto the couch next to her. “I’m reading it here so I can ask you questions.”

Tav’s not looking up at Shadowheart, so she can’t see the pink that immediately colors her cheeks. “That won’t be necessary. I let you stay in the study so you could focus on—”

“I’m reading it here, Shadowheart.”

“Right. Okay.”

—

Tav still follows me. 

Closer than before. Her presence is more noticeable now—and I wouldn’t say it’s an unwelcome change.

I know it’s naive of me to think, but I think I can trust her. She saved my life, after all. 

I’ve managed to conjure a potion of invisibility. It’s lasted only a few seconds, and some limbs flicker in-and-out of visibility, but it’s a start. 

After perfecting that potion, my next goal is to be able to cast the spell without needing the potion.

I have been more wary about my surroundings now, and always return home as soon as the sun begins to set—but it’s nice to know there’s another pair of eyes on watch.

Tav’s been sent to kill me, but perhaps she’ll realize I am harmless and spread the word.

Or perhaps my studies will exceed what she deems is innocent. 

I wonder what potion or spell it’ll be that causes everything to spill over.

I wonder if she’ll talk to me again. 

—

While I was tending to my garden, I saw Tav leaning on a nearby tree.

She seemed sickly, so I offered to take her inside. She’s a stubborn one, that’s for sure, but eventually I got her to agree to come in and rest.

I made her a bowl of hot vegetable soup and let her lay in my bed. She didn’t seem scared of me, just wary of being in a stranger’s home—which is normal.

That was a whole day ago.

As I’m writing this, she is still asleep in my bed. I plan on taking the couch again tonight.

I’ve not even tried to brew any potions or conjure up any spells while she’s been inside my home. I’ve been too caught up in worrying about her.

It’s silly, but I think I care for Tav a concerning amount. She’s barely spoken to me, for Shar’s sake! 

—

Tav feels a flutter in her stomach as she looks up from the pages. Shadowheart’s already staring at her and she freezes, caught red-handed.

“Is this really about me?” Tav asks. “As in—it’s not just somebody else with the same name?”

Shadowheart gives a hesitant nod, but it’s a sure action even in its hesitancy. “It’s you.”

“ Oh… ”

Tav wants to doubt this, wants to ask Shadowheart why she should believe her and wants to accuse her of writing these lies to make herself look good, but she finds herself speechless at the tone Shadowheart had spoken to her. 

It was too gentle—too knowing . 

Tav looks down at the journal again and keeps reading.

—

Tav’s still sick. It’s been a few days since my last entry. She’s been staying with me since the first day. Once she got some of her energy back, she finally began to talk to me.

That’s when she told me about being a knight and her mission to kill me. 

She told me she hadn’t been thinking when she saved me from the wolf, but that she knew it was the right thing to do. After watching me from afar for so long, she didn’t think it would be right to kill me. Rather, she wanted to protect me.

I don’t remember the last time somebody’s words made me feel so comforted. I don’t think there’s ever been a time, actually. 

I am thinking of turning one of my extra rooms into another bedroom—if she wishes to stay with me. She did mention how the knights would not let her return if she didn’t follow through with her mission.

I wouldn’t mind her company. 

Perhaps I’m reading the signs wrong, but I don’t think she’d mind my company, either.

—

“So, what?” Tav mutters. The sun has begun to set as she looks up at Shadowheart, who’s still curled up on the other side of the couch, reading her own book. 

Some time during Tav’s reading, Shadowheart had lit all of the lamps around the cabin with a snap of her fingers. It was both startling and impressive at the same time.

Shadowheart places her thumb on her current page and closes the book on her finger to give Tav her full attention. 

Tav keeps talking. “We were roommates?”

Shadowheart rolls her eyes and gives a small grin. “You’re impatient. All the information is in your hands, and you’re still asking me for clarification?”

“I just don’t understand why you can’t tell me the story right now. Surely it’d be faster than having me read through all of this.”

Shadowheart’s smile falls, and Tav feels a bit guilty for her sudden drop in mood. “It’s been a thousand and five hundred years since we first met, Tav. I can give you the short version, but you clearly don’t trust me—so I’ve given you the evidence to trust me.”

“A thousand and five hundred years…” Tav repeats to herself. “Why wouldn’t I remember that? How… How am I even still alive ?”

“If I tell you, you’re just going to try and kill me again.”

Shadowheart says this with such certainty that it stuns Tav.

Tav blinks at her. “Why?”

“You’ll jump to conclusions,” Shadowheart sits up with a deep breath, eyes boring into Tav’s. “I need you to read the journal entries, Tav. Please .”

The ‘please’ catches Tav off-guard, especially the way Shadowheart’s breath catches in the middle of her saying it, like it pains her to say. Tav nibbles nervously on her bottom lip and returns her focus onto the journal in her lap.

The next few entries are updates on potions and the strengthening of Shadowheart’s own magical ability. Tav is mentioned every now and then, considering that Past-Tav accepted Shadowheart’s offer to live with her, but there’s nothing of too much importance there.

Eventually, the year changes to 1347, and the very first entry causes Tav’s eyes to widen and her heartbeat to quicken.

—

YR 1347

Tav kissed me. Or maybe I kissed Tav.

It was late at night and I’d been starting to study healing spells when Tav interrupted me. She told me she didn’t like seeing me hurt. I called her silly, but she got angry at me for—in her words—’being so flippant with my own wellbeing’. She has never raised her voice at me before, but the volume she used last night came close to a yell.

She was upset that I was giving myself small nicks on my arm with a knife to practice my healing. I can still feel her fingers tracing my arm now, as I write this. She was so careful, so gentle—even though my spells worked and there was no hint of an injury on me, not even a light scar.

She offered herself up—told me to cut her instead and then heal her. She said it’d make her feel useful to me, and that, this way, I wouldn't need to get hurt. 

I told her there was no way she could ever make me willingly hurt her and that her very existence is useful to me. 

Time seemed to stop after I said that.

I do not know who leaned in first. I do know that all of a sudden, it felt as if my throat closed and I could not breathe because if I breathed, I would only be able to breathe in Tav. She was in my space and somehow I felt as if she was still not close enough. Perhaps we both leaned in at the same time, in a trance, because then our lips met and we kissed.

We kissed for what felt like an eternity. She joined me in bed and I thought we would share our bodies with each other, but she pulled away when things began to escalate. I cannot lie and say that I wasn’t disappointed, but Tav’s kisses turned reassuring and she held me close. 

We slept in my bed together for the first time. I don’t think I’ve ever slept so well before.

I grow warm in the face as I remember. I feel like a foolish schoolgirl with a crush, but I know that what I have for Tav goes far beyond an adolescent’s butterflies. 

She is away as I write this—I sent her to town to pick up essentials. Her mind seemed to be elsewhere, which I can understand, but I wonder if we are having the same troubles or if I’m in for a harsh reality check. 

I hope she comes back.

I hope I am not a fool for falling.

Shadowheart in the future: I hope we are okay. 

I hope Tav is okay.

—

Tav’s eyes flicker over to Shadowheart, who has returned to reading her book. 

They were lovers, then. 

Or ex-lovers? 

Nothing explains why Tav’s memories are gone or why she’s been alive for over a thousand years. 

Shadowheart is clearly trying her hardest to ignore Tav’s staring. She’s been reading the same page for many minutes now, and her eyes are jumping all over the page, obviously not absorbing a single word.

Tav relents and looks down at the journal.

—

Tav is a gentle lover. 

So gentle that I can barely feel the warning signs of a climax until I reach it and everything hits me at once—

—

Tav clears her throat awkwardly. Her face flames up.

From Tav’s peripheral vision, she sees Shadowheart glance up. “Are you alright?”

“I just didn’t expect your sex-life to be fully documented in here,” Tav states tensely. They hadn’t spoken since Tav’s ‘roommate’ comment, so it’s a big jump to have in topic.

When she musters up the courage to look at Shadowheart, she finds a mirrored-image of her own blushing cheeks on Shadowheart’s.

“Well, it’s a private journal, Tav,” Shadowheart tries to sound calm, but her tone has upped in pitch and her fingers fiddle nervously with the pages between them. She looks back down at her book. “Besides, it’s our sex-life.”

“Gods…” Tav mumbles under her breath, shaking her head as she quickly skims through any detailed entries.

Past-Tav clearly returned to Shadowheart, if all the descriptive sex and adoring sentiments written in the journal are anything to go by. While Shadowheart’s entries still catalog her progress in magic, the mention of Tav is a lot more prominent now. 

For nearly five years, it’s an almost linear progression of both Shadowheart’s powers and the relationship between her and Tav. It’s hard to tell whether Shadowheart’s love for Tav was stronger than her own magical powers or vice versa because of how much Shadowheart writes about both.

“You need to eat and get some rest,” Shadowheart says as Tav is about to turn a page in the journal. She stands from the couch with a stretch. “I’ll heat up a stew.”

“I want to know what happened,” Tav replies with a frown, watching as Shadowheart heads over to the tiny kitchen area in the corner. 

“You will in due time,” Shadowheart hums. “But you must eat and sleep, too.”

Tav itches to continue reading, but she knows Shadowheart’s right. Although she doesn’t entirely trust the witch, clearly they’ve had several years together—even if Tav herself doesn’t remember any of it. She doesn’t trust Shadowheart, but she knows Shadowheart won’t try to hurt her.

After all, Shadowheart knows Tav better than Tav knows herself. 

Tav closes the journal after folding the corner of the last page she’d left off on and stands, making her way to Shadowheart, who’s already done heating up the leftovers. Tav sits down on a stool at the kitchen island, watching Shadowheart grab a bowl from one of the cabinets.

“If things are still confusing after you’ve finished my journal and your letters, you can ask me all of your questions,” Shadowheart says steadily as she fills a bowl with the steaming stew as well as a wooden spoon. She turns around and slides the food over to Tav. 

Tav blinks. “Are you not eating as well?”

“I…” Shadowheart’s eyes flicker to the ground for a moment. She clears her throat and looks to the side. Tav spots pink-tipped ears. “I only have one bowl.”

“Oh,” is what quietly leaves Tav’s mouth.

“After—” Shadowheart cuts herself off. She leans back on the kitchen counter, crossing her arms. “Well, it’ll make sense once you’ve finished my journal.”

Tav nods slowly. She leans down to blow cool air onto a spoonful of stew before sipping it carefully. She hums and looks back up at Shadowheart. “Thank you for the food.”

Shadowheart rolls her eyes. “I’m not going to keep you captive and let you starve.”

“Only one of those breaks your moral code?” Tav asks teasingly. 

Shadowheart follows in stride, her own lips curving up in a grin. “Only one, yes.”

They stare at each other for a few moments, and then Tav averts her gaze in a moment of uncharacteristic shyness. She continues to sip slowly at the bowl of stew as Shadowheart busies herself with tidying the kitchen.

Once Tav’s bowl is empty and Shadowheart has run out of sparkling-clean kitchen counters to wipe at, Tav finds herself settling back onto the couch. Shadowheart hesitates before joining her on the opposite end.

They both continue reading—Tav with the journal and Shadowheart with her book.

—

YR 1354

They’ve found her. 

I had to kill the knights that came to our home. Tav was too shocked and blindly bound by loyalty to kill the people she still deems as her kin. 

I killed them—because if I didn’t, they would’ve killed her. 

They came to end not only me, but to also end her—for being a traitor. That’s what they called her when they charged forwards, when I had to step in front of her and shield her from their sharp swords. 

A traitor.

She’s a mess now. 

She won’t eat. 

She won’t sleep. 

I’ve even had to help her bathe. 

I’ve tried my hardest to calm her, but I think my presence is only making things worse. 

I think she might leave.

I think her departure is an inevitable bomb that’s ticking away. 

—

She’s leaving.

She told me she would write, but I’m not sure that’s true. 

I tried to get her to stay, because I don’t want them to kill her the second she shows up at their doorstep—because I know they will. 

They’re merciless. They’ve wanted to kill me since the beginning, even though I’ve done nothing to warrant death—and now they want to kill her for loving me.

Tav didn’t budge. She seemed cold, like the Tav I first met who hid behind trees and bushes to follow me around and make sure I wasn’t up to no good. It hurt to see her like that. 

It hurt so much.

That’s why I stopped pleading. That’s why I didn’t bother getting to my knees to beg for her to stay, though I was close to sinking down. 

She made her decision.

I only wish I was a part of it.

—

Tav stares with furrowed eyebrows at the page. She finds herself filled with anger at her past-self— if any of this is true .

“I left you?” Tav’s voice is searingly calm.

Shadowheart looks over from her book. She gives a sad smile and a nod. “Yes.”

“Why—?” Tav frowns.

“Becoming a knight was your main goal in life,” Shadowheart explains quietly. “You had no family and you grew up in a poorly-run orphanage. Being a knight was the best thing to ever happen to you.”

“But,” Tav whispers, confused, “what about you?”

“What about me?” Shadowheart replies with an emotionless scoff, though her lips are still raised in that same sad smile. 

“If—If these journal entries are true, and if I felt anything even close to how much you felt for me, then—then surely you were the best thing to ever happen to me.”

The smile on Shadowheart’s lips disappears as she tightens them into a straight line and Tav finds herself freezing at her own words. The muscles on Shadowheart’s throat tighten as she takes a silent gulp and looks back down at her book. 

“If that was the case, you wouldn’t have left me.”

Tav goes to say something else, but Shadowheart speaks up again, still without looking at Tav.

“Keep reading, Tav.”

Tav sighs and looks down. She continues reading, frowning as she notices something. Shadowheart’s entries have become sloppier and shorter since Past-Tav’s departure, as if it wasn’t worth the energy to even write.

After a few heartbreaking, emotional entries from Shadowheart following Tav leaving, the rest of the entries from 1354 are mundane, often filling one page with multiple weeks-worth of entries. 

The year 1355 is skipped entirely, and 1356 is nothing more than Shadowheart describing the knights that come to kill her—and how she hopes one of them will be Tav.

—

YR 1357

I’ve learned to create traps invisible to eyes that aren’t my own. 

I’ve created a border around my cabin because of the increasing amounts of intruders. 

The knights have become relentless. 

Tav still has not come back. 

She has never written to me. 

I don’t think she ever will.

I don’t know if she’s even alive.

Either way, it’s a heartbreak.

She should have let that damned wolf eat me.

—

That’s the only entry in 1357. 

Tav finds her heartbeat picking up as she turns to the next page, eyes widening when she sees a longer entry. 

—

YR 1360

They’ve poisoned her. I’ve tried every healing spell I can think of. I’ve built new ones from the ground up. I’ve conjured every antivenom and antidote I could think of—read up on new ones and translated ancient books on old ones. 

Nothing’s working.

She continues to full-body shiver in our bed while sweating and vomiting up every bit of hydration she’s struggled so hard to drink. 

The magic of Selune is something I’ve yet to touch. 

I knew it would alert others to my location—I knew it would be the tipping point of Tav’s initial reluctance to kill me–which may have been the only thing holding me back.

But I think it’s my only option. 

It is a direct betrayal to Lady Shar, but my goddess has never looked at me.

If I was not thinking of Tav, I'd been pleading and begging Shar for assistance.

Years of loyalty. 

I’ve given up a regular life of mortality for Shar. And yet, still…

My goddess has never looked at me.

So: I will turn away from her for my love.

—

“I came back?” Tav’s head snaps up. 

“Of course,” Shadowheart replies with a slight rasp in her voice. She’s growing sleepy, but she’s making the effort to stay awake for Tav’s sake. “You showed up on the brink of death, at my doorstep, covered in countless wounds. I’ll never forget how quickly my heart raced at the sight of you.”

Tav takes a deep breath. “You saved me.”

“Not quite,” Shadowheart says mirthlessly. “I tried to.”

“Tried—?”

“ Tav ,” Shadowheart calls out almost endearingly as she quirks an eyebrow. “You know what I’m going to say to you.”

“Keep reading…?”

“Smart girl.”

—

She’s been writing to me. The bag she came back to me with was packed full of unsent letters from over the years. 

Her love has never waned. 

I almost feel guilty being happy about this while she is still dying in our bed. 

The magic of Selune has been enough to stabilize her condition, but she’s stabilized enough to not die—not enough to live.

I may have a solution, but it has never been done before.

I’ll have to mix Shar and Selune magic, and it’ll cost Tav all of her memories, but she’ll be alive.

After I do some more research, I will ask for her decision. 

—

She held my hand with tears in her eyes when she told me her choice. 

‘I’ll come back to you in every lifetime, my love.’

I’m set to start the ritual tomorrow. 

If all goes well, I’ll be able to keep her catatonic for a hundred years to make sure no one knows of her—so she’ll be able to restart. 

Tav wants me to stay with her even after she wakes, but I told her that I want her to live freely instead of being tied down to me. 

I can’t tell her the truth that I think I’m a bad omen for her. 

—

It worked. 

It actually worked. 

Tav’s body is simultaneously healing and frozen in time. 

She will not age any more than I will, for her life is now bound to mine—bound to the magic within me.

I will protect her with my life until it is time for her to live again. 

—

The next hundreds of years worth of entries consist of Past-Tav showing up to kill Shadowheart, only for Shadowheart to put her to sleep and let the cycle repeat. 

Tav flips through the pages, growing restless.

Most entries are only a short sentence describing Tav’s returns throughout the years. Instead of weeks-worth of entries on one page, it’s years -worth of entries fit on one page.

She doesn’t realize she’s at the last page until she gets there. 

—

YR 2813

Tav’s back.

I’m beginning to think this is the universe’s cruel punishment towards me.

Maybe it’s time for me to reap what I sowed.

—

It’s the very last thing written in the journal.

Tav sits in the lowly-illuminated room, her heartbeat thumping loudly in her ears.

When she looks over to Shadowheart, she finds Shadowheart already staring at her. There’s a melancholy look in her eyes. 

“Finished?”

Tav nods slowly. 

Shadowheart closes her book and sets it aside. She shuffles on the couch, turning her body slightly to face Tav. 

“Do you want to sleep on it? Or do you want to ask questions now?”

Tav stares at Shadowheart, eyes roaming her candle-lit face, lingering on the large scar on her cheek and the small one on her chin. She’s silent for a few moments as they both seem to hold their breaths. Tav’s eyes travel back up to meet Shadowheart’s gaze.

“Why didn’t I fall in love with you again after the first time?”

The question makes Shadowheart’s expression fall, and Tav’s hit with the guilt of not biting her tongue.

There’s been a lot of that: this guilt .

Shadowheart knits her eyebrows together and gives a weak shrug. “The bounty for my head kept getting more and more important the stronger I grew. Every time I’ve met you, there was never any time to talk. I always tried to. I’ve tried to keep you in a magic hold and I’ve tried to explain things to you, but you—“

Shadowheart’s voice cracks in its shakiness. She looks away, taking a moment to gather herself and blink away tears in her eyes. 

“You never believed me. You would call me countless names, or you’d scream out for help. You were always so angry and so… scared . I couldn’t bear seeing you like that, so I stopped trying. I figured we were so far past being lovers again that it would be fine if I just let you live.”

Tav watches as Shadowheart folds her shaky hands together over her lap. Green eyes still avoid Tav’s gaze.

“It got to a point where I considered bringing myself in, so you’d stop having to go on a hunt for me,” Shadowheart whispers. This isn’t something that’s written in her journal. This is coming from Shadowheart herself. “But that would mean a sure death-sentence for me. I didn’t want to go against your last wish. You wanted us to stay together through every lifetime. That was your original will.”

When Shadowheart looks up to meet Tav’s eyes again, she doesn’t bother wiping away the tear that slips out. It rolls down her cheek as she says her next sentence. 

“I’ve been wanting to ask you for years if this is still what you truly want.”

Tav’s eyes widen. 

Shadowheart laughs weakly at her reaction, sniffling as she wipes away her tears. 

“I don’t need an answer immediately,” she says as she stands to her feet. She gestures for Tav to stand, too, and then leads them towards the bedroom. “It’s been a long day, and I’m sure you need more time to think things through.”

Tav stands in front of the door with Shadowheart, her forehead wrinkled. 

“What is it that you want from this, Shadowheart?” she asks carefully. “You keep saying this was my will and my last wish, but this entire situation doesn’t seem fair to you.”

“I want whatever will make you happiest,” Shadowheart answers without skipping a beat.

“Even if it means killing you? But wouldn’t that also kill me, if our lives are bound?”

“I can undo the spell. Besides, I’ve lived long enough,” Shadowheart replies easily. She opens the door and nods towards it as a sign for Tav to go in. “Your sword can stay with you. I’ll be asleep on the couch.”

“What?” Tav asks. The hidden meaning behind those words makes Tav’s blood run cold. 

“I’m giving you a choice, Tav,” Shadowheart smiles. “Goodnight.”

She turns, but then Tav calls out:

“ The bowl !”

Shadowheart stops, and then turns around. “The bowl?”

“Why do you only have one?” Tav asks, suddenly feeling foolish. 

Shadowheart’s left eyebrow is raised, both amused and confused at once. “I… I was too heartbroken after seeing pairs of everything that I threw the doubles away. After the fourth time of you not listening to me, I figured it was a lost cause and that nobody else would ever get close enough to me for me to have any extra kitchen supplies—so I only have one of everything.”

Tav stands, unsure what to say next. She knew it was going to be a sad reason, but she’s really not prepared at all to deal with the actual explanation. 

Shadowheart giggles to herself, shaking her head. “You’re still you, after all.”

“What do you mean?” Tav asks with burning cheeks. 

“When we first started to learn about each other, you would do this same thing,” Shadowheart gestures vaguely towards Tav with a hand. “As soon as I’d try to end the conversation, you’d bring up something out of the blue—just to keep it going a little longer.”

Tav clears her throat, embarrassed. “It didn’t feel right to leave off the night on that note.”

“On me insinuating that you should kill me in my sleep?”

“Yes, that note.”

“Well, it’s a valid option,” Shadowheart says nonchalantly. “Either you kill me, or the knights come to kill both of us.”

“We could handle a few knights,” is what slips out of Tav’s mouth. Immediately, she feels like she needs to rinse her tongue—she’s too casually traitorous, it seems—but she’s more surprised by the fact that she means what she said.

Shadowheart looks impressed at her response, her chin tilting up and her eyes narrowing slightly. “I’ve brought down entire squadrons on my own. I am aware that they’re no match for me, but nonetheless, get some sleep. We can talk more tomorrow— if I’m alive .”

“I’m not going to kill you in your sleep, Shadowheart,” Tav sighs. 

Shadowheart smiles. “Good to know.”

Tav shuffles past Shadowheart to enter the bedroom, hearing the sharp intake of breath that Shadowheart takes as she slips by. Her left arm brushes against the front of Shadowheart’s body, and Shadowheart practically shudders. 

“Goodnight, Shadowheart.”

Shadowheart takes a moment before she replies, blinking and nodding towards Tav, whose hand is on the door to shut it. 

“Goodnight, Tav.”

-

Sleep does not come easily to Tav, what with her mind racing at all the newfound knowledge she’s had to learn about herself and her past. She lays on her side and stares at the sword resting beside the window, feeling her heart clench when she remembers that Shadowheart had offered for Tav to take her life.

She closes her eyes shut tightly. She might not know Shadowheart in this lifetime, and she might not ever love Shadowheart the way she’d loved her all those hundreds of years ago, but Tav still feels a sense of sympathy for the witch.

For your loved one to leave you, come back on the brink of death, and then every instance of meeting them afterwards is filled with hatred and killing—

Tav grabs the blanket around her and lets out a deep breath.

This damned witch and her damned green eyes.

—

Tav doesn’t stay asleep for long. As exhausted as she is, she ends up waking up some time during the night—the sun has yet to rise, but it’ll probably come up soon. She sits up groggily and rubs at her face.

The hand that she has running over her face freezes when she hears a noise coming from the living room. She focuses on the noise, waiting for it to repeat so she can be sure about what she’s hearing.

A sniffle.

Tav feels her heart drop to her stomach. Shadowheart must be crying.

Tav had already believed the story Shadowheart told her—about their history together and her life, but hearing the muted sobs coming from Shadowheart makes everything all the more believable. 

When Tav pushes the blankets aside, she can hear Shadowheart gasp—most likely hearing Tav getting up from the bed.

Slowly, she opens the door and practically tiptoes down the hallway.

“Shadowheart?” Tav calls out quietly. 

A faint hum comes from Shadowheart. The only light that’s lit is a candle on the coffee table in front of the couch that Shadowheart’s sitting on, but it’s enough to make the tears staining her cheeks glisten.

“Are you alright?” Tav asks as she walks closer. It’s a foolish question, she knows, but she still wants to ask it.

Shadowheart uses the back of her hands to wipe at her cheeks, letting out an embarrassed wet laugh. “Yes, I’m alright. Did I wake you?”

“No,” Tav answers as she takes a seat beside Shadowheart. “I woke up on my own before I heard you.”

“Sorry,” Shadowheart whispers, sniffling to try and clear her nostrils as she sits up straighter. “I tried to be quiet.”

“No need to apologize,” Tav says with a frown. “Do you… want to talk about it?”

Shadowheart snorts—and Tav’s surprised that there’s no snot that comes shooting out of her nose. 

“There’s not much to talk about,” Shadowheart answers. “I thought this would get easier with time, but…” she trails off weakly, and then shakes her head. “It doesn’t.”

“This, as in…?”

“As in… meeting you again and again, still deeply in love with you, meanwhile you have absolutely no recollection of me,” Shadowheart whispers shakily. Her bottom lip trembles and she tightens her jaw to keep herself from letting out a sob. “It is a ridiculously selfish thing to be upset about, but I just—”

Tav stays silent, letting Shadowheart get everything out.

“It hurts the same, unbearingly painful amount every time I meet you.”

Shadowheart looks down at her lap, her white hair falling to shield her face from Tav’s gaze. There’s a prick of guilt that jabs at Tav’s heart, though she knows she’s not at fault for any of this—at least not entirely.

“It’s different this time,” Tav offers gently.

“ How ?” Shadowheart’s voice cracks, a desperation in her tone even as she doesn’t lift her head to look at Tav.

“I knew the color of your eyes,” Tav states. She leans down, trying to get Shadowheart’s attention—trying to get Shadowheart to look at her. 

It works. 

Shadowheart peers up, using a hand to tuck her hair behind her left ear and away from her face. “That you did.”

“That’s different, right?” Tav asks, hoping to offer some sort of comfort to Shadowheart. They might not be lovers in this lifetime, but that doesn’t mean Tav can’t try and cheer her up. “Have I remembered anything before?”

“Not usually. The most you’ve remembered is your name and occupation,” Shadowheart shakes her head. She’s not on the verge of breaking down anymore, instead she’s now furrowing her eyebrows trying to recall Tav’s previous lives. Tav’s distraction worked. “You’ve never remembered anything about me—or anybody else for that matter. Either my mind was elsewhere when I casted the spell on you, or you’re becoming resistant to its memory-loss side-effect.”

“A step in the right direction, then,” Tav says with a small smile.

Shadowheart’s lips press into a line. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” Tav tilts her head. 

“For all you know, I could just be some lying, lonely, immortal witch—and yet here you are, trying to comfort me.”

Tav shrugs. “I’m guessing only two of those three things are correct.”

Shadowheart sends a pointed look to Tav, who laughs at the glare.

As Tav’s laugh fades out into the silence of the night, the weight of reality settles in and her shoulders feel heavy with realization. 

“It must’ve been really lonely, huh?” she asks in a whisper.

Shadowheart blinks, averting her gaze as she nods. “The only thing that’s been keeping me going is the thought of meeting you again, even if it does just throw me into another world of pain.”

Her eyes start to water again, and Tav spots the trembling of her lower lip. Shadowheart brings up her hand towards the single candle on the table, closing her fingers and twisting her wrist. The fire goes out, and the living room’s only source of light is from the moonlight seeping in through the windows.

Tav lets out a small amused breath. “Don’t want me to see you get emotional?”

Shadowheart lets out something between a grunt and a whine, and then she sniffles.

“I’m a tiefling, Shadowheart. I can still see you.”

This time, Shadowheart lets out an annoyed huff.

Tav smiles to herself despite the clenched feeling in her chest. “You don’t have to hide.”

“Like hell I don’t,” Shadowheart’s voice tries to come out snappy, but it falls short due to the shakiness in her words. 

“Really, you don’t,” Tav continues to reassure her, leaning just a tad bit closer. “While I don’t completely understand how you feel, I can understand why you’d be upset.”

Shadowheart’s only response is a couple more sniffles before she wipes at her face again. 

She takes one last deep inhale to gather herself, and then snaps her fingers. 

The candle relights itself.

Tav offers another comforting smile. “I believe you, by the way.”

Shadowheart looks at her with confused eyes, her eyebrows furrowed.

“I believe that we’ve lived multiple lives together. And I believe that we’ve loved each other before,” Tav explains. She gulps. “But I… I don’t know where to go from here, if I’m being honest with you.”

The edge of Shadowheart’s lips curl up slightly as she lets out a hum. “I doubt anybody would be prepared for this.”

“No?” Tav asks sarcastically, a playful glint in her eyes.

“A past relationship with the wicked witch in the woods? Not the most common occurrence,” Shadowheart jokes along. Tav chuckles quietly and they settle into a comfortable silence.

Shadowheart looks off to the side, staring at the flickering candlelight. 

“Tav?”

“Yes?” Tav responds just as quietly as Shadowheart had called out her name. She stares at Shadowheart’s side-profile, waiting for her to continue talking.

“As much as it pains me to say this, I want you to know that I didn’t tell you this story in hopes of bringing you back as my lover. I understand that a lot has changed, both in our shared circumstances and in our own lives, so I hope you don’t think I’m expecting anything from you. I merely wanted to let you know the full truth.”

Shadowheart takes in a shaky deep breath after speaking. Another silence envelopes them as Tav lets the words sink in, lets her mind process it.

She spots Shadowheart’s jaw tensing and untensing. 

“I appreciate that,” Tav says eventually. It’s a neutral-ground for both of them. “If you’d let me, I want to be able to read my letters that I’d sent to you.”

“Of course,” Shadowheart whispers through an exhale. She sniffs and sits up straighter. A hand comes up quickly to wipe away stray tears. “You can stay here with me as long as you want. I’ve kept every memento we’ve shared, including those letters.”

Again, Tav feels her heart clenching, accompanied by a skip in her heartbeat and a swooping sensation in her stomach. Shadowheart, who has already admitted to still being dangerously in love with Tav, is putting her feelings to the side to give Tav the space and time she needs to process everything. 

Tav’s heart skips another beat. 

To think she’d tried to kill Shadowheart just a day ago is almost embarrassing.

“Who would ever want to kill you?” Tav asks.

Shadowheart lets out a mirthless laugh. “People who are scared of the unknown—which just so happens to be a lot of people.”

“But you’re so kind.”

“I love you, Tav,” Shadowheart states casually. She turns as she says this, her head tilting slightly as a heartbreaking smile spreads on her lips. Tav holds back an awed gasp. “Of course I am kind to you.”

“But you aren’t to others?” Tav questions.

Shadowheart shrugs. “There are no others. Knights and mercenaries sent to kill me are the only other people I come across. There’s not much kindness to be shared there.”

“What about,” Tav turns to face Shadowheart more forwardly as an idea crosses her mind. Their knees touch as Tav continues to speak. “What about we show people your kindness? We use your powers for good across the towns and turn your reputation around. Surely there’s a way to make people see that you aren’t the evil witch that they think you are.”

Tav speaks so quickly, trying to get her ideas out with a sudden burst of desperation.

Shadowheart takes Tav’s hands within her own and pulls their conjoined hands into her lap. Her eyes are gleaming with tears again. “Tav,” she says gently. “ You are the one who’s meant to be a hero—not me.”

“It’s not fair, though,” Tav’s voice raises only slightly in anger—not at Shadowheart, but at those who know nothing about the witch and choose to vilify her—at the fact that she’d been one of those people.

“I know,” Shadowheart agrees solemnly. She squeezes Tav’s hands gently. “But I’ve killed too many knights for any sort of reputation cleansing to be done. I’ve accepted that.”

“There has to be a way,” Tav mumbles, eyes lowering to look at Shadowheart’s hands holding her own. Her bottom lip trembles as emotions overtake her, emotions that she has yet to process. “I don’t want to go back to trying to kill you, Shadowheart.”

“You won’t have to, darling,” Shadowheart reassures her. Tav looks back up at her at the term of endearment, her chest heaving in as her breath gets stolen from her. Shadowheart stares at her with such adoration in her eyes that it hurts Tav to look at—but she can’t look away. One of Shadowheart’s hands comes up to cup Tav’s jawline, her thumb caressing Tav’s cheek. 

There must be something that flickers in Tav’s eyes—hesitance, shock, or something akin—but it makes Shadowheart quickly pull away from Tav completely and avert her gaze. She clears her throat.

“My apologies. It’s easy to slip back into our routine as lovers when you’re not running at me with a sword.” Shadowheart says this with a small laugh, but it’s too forced of a laugh for it to seem anything other than pitiful.

Tav hates that she knows Shadowheart’s holding back more tears. 

“No need to apologize,” Tav says.

Shadowheart’s eyes snap up, surprised. 

Tav leans down towards the candle and blows it out. She stares at the small smoke that rises from the burnt wick. “Come sunrise, I will read the letters I wrote to you. Afterwards, we’ll try to clear this false reputation of yours.”

“Tav—” Shadowheart starts to object.

“We’re going to at least try , Shadowheart.” Tav’s words come out stern as she leans back against the couch to stare at the witch. Their eyes meet in the darkness perfectly fine, aided by both of their nightvisions and the closeness of their bodies. “I refuse to let you sit here and rot in a constant cycle of heartbreak and killing. Not if I can help it.”

Shadowheart’s mouth opens and closes in stunned silence. 

“I cannot promise you the same love as the love I had for you in the past, but I can promise you that this time, things will be different.”

Tav wills her voice not to shake, and feels mildly content with herself that it doesn’t. She hears Shadowheart take several deep breaths, watches her chest rise and fall, and then:

“Can I hug you?”

Tav answers Shadowheart’s question by spreading her arms and leaning forwards. Shadowheart meets her more than halfway, her face burying itself into Tav’s nape naturally—the same way she’s always done all those hundreds of years ago. It’s almost too good to be true, to feel those same arms wrapped around her again. She lets out a quivery exhale. 

Shadowheart’s arms encircle Tav’s waist and Tav places one hand on the back of Shadowheart’s head and the other wrapped around her shoulders. 

“Thank you,” Shadowheart whispers, voice muffled against Tav’s skin. Tav shudders at the feeling of her lips moving. 

“You don’t need to thank me for anything,” Tav replies, pressing her own lips on Shadowheart’s shoulder. “At least not yet .”

—

When Tav wakes up, she hears a soft knocking on the bedroom door. Groggily, she gets up and opens it.

Shadowheart’s smiling at her, eyes amusedly raking over Tav’s bed hair and tousled clothes.

“Good morning,” she says with a little laugh. 

Tav mumbles out something that sort of sounds like ‘g’morning’.

“I suppose I should’ve let you sleep in some more,” Shadowheart hums.

“No, it’s alright,” Tav clears her throat, running a hand through her hair and wincing as her fingers get caught in knots. “I assume I have a lot of letters to read through. Best to get started as soon as I can.”

“Correct,” Shadowheart hums, still looking at Tav with amusement in her eyes. “I’ll prepare some food for you while you freshen up. Would you like some tea?”

“Sure, Shadowheart. Thank you.”

“Of course,” Shadowheart inclines her head slightly as she says this before she turns, gently closing the door behind her as she does so.

Tav takes a deep breath after Shadowheart leaves and places her forehead on the closed door, shutting her eyes to regain herself.

–

“Are these all from when I was gone?” Tav asks.

They’ve settled back on the couch again after sharing breakfast. Shadowheart places a cup of tea down onto the table as Tav stares at the stack of letters next to the cup. 

“Yes,” Shadowheart answers. She turns to one of the bookshelves in the living room and plucks something from the top shelf. Tav’s heart beats a rapid rhythm as Shadowheart walks closer to the couch and settles beside her—closer than they’d sat yesterday. Shadowheart leans forward and grabs the stack of letters, bundled together with tied twine. “There are more in the study, but I figured we’d start with one stack first. They should be organized chronologically from top to bottom.”

Tav, who doesn’t realize she’s staring, jolts when Shadowheart’s green eyes rise to meet hers. 

“ Right . Thanks,” Tav takes the stack from her and shakily unties the twine keeping it together. 

Shadowheart narrows her eyes slightly at her odd behavior, but doesn’t comment on it. 

The two of them begin their reading in silence, only accompanied by the morning birds chirping outside. Tav notices Shadowheart subconsciously reaching for the tea meant for her and sipping at it, causing a small smile to form on her lips.  

—

Dear Flower,

I forget how hard journeying is after spending years with you in the cabin we’ve made into our home. Despite having loved traveling when I was younger, I’ve realized that I love spending time in our space more.

I’m sorry.

I know that no amount of words can make up for the pain that I’ve caused you, but I want you to know that none of this is your fault. 

I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough to stay.

I intend on coming back to you. I realize now that I should’ve said that before I left, but I blame my immaturity when it comes to handling emotions. I hope to get better at that. I’ve not had many bad emotions since falling in love with you. I’m sorry I didn’t handle it better.

I write this with a clearer mind. Walking alone through the forest for days upon days gives me a lot of time to sort through my thoughts. You didn’t deserve the way I’d shut down on you. You didn’t deserve for me to leave you the way I did—but I will make it up to you.

Even if it’s the last thing I do, I will make it up to you. I promise you this, my love.

I will send out my letters once I get to the kingdom. I know that I can try and send them in passing towns, but I want you to know when I arrive. 

I love you. 

I love you more than love itself. 

From,

Your Darling

—

“If I could go back and punch myself in the face, I would.”

Shadowheart snorts at this. 

Tav folds the first letter back up and looks at Shadowheart, who’s smiling while reading her book. 

“Do you have any potions or spells for time-traveling?”

“Can’t say I do, love.”

She tenses after the pet name slips out. Her mouth opens to apologize, but Tav doesn’t let her get the chance.

“That should be the next thing you work on. I’d pay a large sum to sock myself in the mouth.”

Tav goes to unfold the next letter, but she feels Shadowheart’s eyes staring at her for a long while after.

—

Dear Flower,

It’s been weeks since I’ve last been able to kiss your lips. 

I’ve never known what it was like to ache physically for someone until I met you—until I left you.

I don’t want every letter I send to you to be filled with self-wallowing pity caused by my own actions, but just know that I beat myself up every day knowing that I hadn’t kissed you before I left. I wish I could’ve reassured you in some way that I’d be back.

I want a better life for us, my love. One that isn’t a false-sense of isolation and peace, only to be corrupted by innocent people coming to kill us under the guise of protecting their people.

We deserve better than that. They deserve better than that.

You told me they wouldn’t stop coming. I believed you. 

Perhaps I can change their mind. Perhaps my love for you could change their mind.

Surely, the purest thing in the world can change their mind. 

I keep my promises, my love.

From,

Your Darling

—

Reading Shadowheart’s journal had been less painful than this. 

Tav finds herself cringing in embarrassment as she reads these letters, written in her shitty, scratchy handwriting. They all say practically the same thing, sometimes filled with anecdotes from Past-Tav’s travels and the people she’d met, but always mentioning her promise to return. 

It’s so incredibly hard to continue reading. Tav finds herself getting distracted by every little thing. 

Shadowheart, who’d ignored the first couple of times Tav stopped reading, eventually speaks up.

“What is it, Tav?” she asks.

“What?” Tav responds dumbly.

Shadowheart laughs and closes her book. “You’ve been so jittery. More than usual, might I add.”

“I am not jittery.”

“Right,” Shadowheart deadpans. She raises an eyebrow. “What’s wrong?”

Tav hesitates. Then, she drops the stack of letters onto the table, rattling the near-empty teacup with its fall. “I don’t know if I want to know my own point of view on this.”

This makes Shadowheart’s eyes widen. “What? Why not?”

“It’s just—” Tav gestures towards the letter and sighs. “It’s not me. I mean—I know it’s me , but it’s…”

Shadowheart stays quiet.

“It’s not the same me. I wouldn’t—” Tav chokes on a voice crack. She looks away. “I wouldn’t have left you.”

Shadowheart lets out a small gasp. Tav gulps nervously and looks up to check Shadowheart’s reaction. Her lips are parted slightly in surprise, her eyes wide and her cheeks pink.

Then, Shadowheart’s lips press together and curve upwards in a smile. “Alright, then. Don’t read the letters, Tav.”

Tav blinks. “I thought that would take a lot more convincing.”

Shadowheart lets out a chuckle. “I gave you the letters to read in case you needed more proof. Everything that I wanted you to know was written in my journal. I figured… I don’t know—I figured that the letters would give you a peek into why you loved me, from your own perspective—but it makes sense that that wouldn’t work if you’re a different you .”

Tav doesn’t let Shadowheart delve too deeply into the sadness behind her words. She stands and holds a hand out to Shadowheart, who tilts her head confusedly at the action. 

“I want to go into town with you.”

“What? Are you mad?” Shadowheart sputters, though she gingerly places her hand into Tav’s hold and stands. “My face is plastered on ‘WANTED’ posters all across the realm. With incredibly high bounty rewards, might I add.”

“Has anybody ever seen you? I mean, how do you get groceries?”

“I plant them myself in the back garden—or I cast a spell to disguise myself.”

“How do you think the townspeople will react if they see you hand-in-hand with some random tiefling?”

“They’ll be shocked, probably,” Shadowheart murmurs. Tav squeezes Shadowheart’s hand. 

“Let’s do it, then. We’ll get groceries. Something small. Just to get people used to your presence.”

“If they don’t run us out with pitchforks first,” Shadowheart says monotonously.

“Don’t be so pessimistic,” Tav chides. She guides them down the hall, stopping where she assumes Shadowheart’s room is. It’s the only room she’s not been in. “Change into something less witch-y .”

“Less witch-y,” Shadowheart repeats with a kinked eyebrow. She then turns to the door. “Is there a reason you stopped me at the pantry?”

Tav frowns. “I thought this was your bedroom?”

Shadowheart barks out a laughter, one that’s mixed with surprise as well as amusement. “Tav, sweetie, I only have one bedroom in this cabin.”

“I stole your bed?!” Tav gasps.

“I thought that was plenty obvious.” Shadowheart smiles adoringly. She leads them to the bedroom further down the hall, entering the room and dropping Tav’s hand to open the standing closet and its lower drawers. 

“Here. Feel free to pick something to wear, as well. We were always the same size in clothes so it made shopping real easy.”

Tav turns to the bed. She remembers the very descriptive journal entries about her and Shadowheart’s— ahem —loving nights, and feels every extremity on her body tingle. “This was our room?”

Shadowheart hums as she pulls out tight trousers and a blouse to wear. When she turns and sees Tav’s gaze stuck on the bed, she grins. “I clean the sheets, Tav.”

Tav chokes on her spit.

“Not that it matters, considering it’s our —”

“Go change!” Tav commands quickly, not wanting Shadowheart to finish that sentence.

Shadowheart laughs loudly and exits the room.

—

Shadowheart’s able to save travel-time by teleporting the two of them closer by the outskirts of the nearest town. 

It’s a small village, with a stone-wall about half the height of Tav herself that surrounds its perimeter. 

“There’s a magic barrier around it,” Shadowheart says when she notices Tav’s furrowed eyebrows. “The actual stone wall is just for looks.”

“How do you know that?” Tav asks.

“This town is more of a pit-stop for travelers, and the only permanent residents aren’t trained to defend themselves, so I  made it to protect them from monsters.” Shadowheart answers casually. She holds her hand out to Tav. “Ready to go shopping?”

Tav huffs. This woman in front of her is the literal embodiment of an angel. 

She takes Shadowheart’s hand, intertwining their fingers. Together, they walk up to the main entrance of the village. There are no guards out front—it’s no kingdom for there to need to be a guard, and the two walk into the perimeter with no problem. 

Almost immediately, there are concerned eyes that follow them. Shadowheart leads Tav over towards the main center of town, where most of the stalls with the high-quality vendors are located. Not-so-hushed whispers are hissed as they pass by people, but Shadowheart seems to pay them no mind.

For somebody who was adamantly unbelieving against the idea of cleaning her reputation and going into town undisguised, Shadowheart’s incredibly relaxed.

Tav smiles, though she keeps her guard up and stays alert. Shadowheart tugs her over to a vendor who’s selling pieces of cloth.

“They’re recycled,” Shadowheart explains as they walk up to the gnome who’s practically shivering in his boots at their appearance. “I use them to clean and try to bring them back when I can.”

“R–Recycled, yes!” the vendor chirps out in a stutter. His smile is too wide, his pupils shaking. He’s scared.

Tav watches Shadowheart’s relaxed demeanor slip away slightly at the realization of his fear. 

Tav speaks up, her voice steady. “We’re just looking to buy some things, truly.”

She maintains eye-contact with the gnome, who simply nods fervently. Tav holds back a sigh. She knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but damn—it’s really not going to be easy.

Shadowheart bites down on her lower lip, turning to Tav and squeezing her hand. “Perhaps this was a bad idea. We should go.”

“It’s fine,” Tav shakes her head, meeting Shadowheart’s shaky eyes. “We needed to go shopping, didn’t we?”

“But—”

“Is it alright if we touch the cloths?” Tav turns back to ask the vendor.

“Of course, ma’am!”

“Thank you,” Tav smiles. She lifts one of the cloths—not really caring which one she picks up. She knows that all eyes in the center are on her and Shadowheart, possibly waiting for the inevitable cruelty that the wicked witch in the woods might cause. She holds the cloth and rubs it between her thumb and forefinger. “Is this the kind that you like?”

She holds it out to Shadowheart, whose eyes run up-and-down Tav’s face. Eventually, Shadowheart reaches out for the cloth and examines the texture. 

Shadowheart turns to the vendor, voice quiet. “Is there one that’s less soft? Material like this one might rip if I use it to clean.”

The gnome jumps down from the wooden barrel he’d been standing on to hurry around the stall. “Of course! Th—This one might be more to your taste!”

He jumps up to grab at one of the cloths and holds it out to Shadowheart. His entire arm trembles. 

Shadowheart takes the cloth with a thankful smile. After feeling it, she nods with a hum. “We’ll take four of these, please.”

“Right away!” the man’s smile is still unnaturally wide. 

Tav puts back the cloth she’d been holding and feels Shadowheart drop her hand so she can reach into the pocket of her cloak for coins.

Once the gnome packs the cloths into a small bag, Shadowheart holds out the coins. “Is this enough?”

“Yes, this is good enough!”

“ No ,” Shadowheart pulls her hand back before the man can take the coins from her. “How much does this really cost? I want to pay the right amount.”

The vendor turns pale. “Eight—Eighty coins, ma’am.”

Shadowheart nods and reaches into her bag for more coins. She counts slowly, and then holds it out for the man to take. “Here you are.”

“Th—Thank you!”

Tav takes the bag and the two of them turn to keep walking. 

Shadowheart’s hand slips back into Tav’s somewhere along their stroll. 

“You knew how much the cloth cost before he told you, didn’t you?” Tav asks.

Shadowheart smiles. “Of course I did.”

“You sneaky little witch.”

Shadowheart lets out a laugh at this. It surprises the villagers as much as it surprises Shadowheart herself, but Tav grins at the reaction. 

“What’s next on the grocery list, Shadowheart?”

-

Surprisingly, the villagers leave them alone. Shadowheart and Tav are able to shop in relative peace—with the occasional whisper about them being a tad bit too loud to be considered a whisper. The vendors are all initially terrified, but once they see Tav and Shadowheart conversing and lightly bickering with each other in front of them, it seems to calm everyone’s nerves down.

The only vendor that surprises them is the man who’s covered entirely by a cloak. He stands underneath his stall’s shade, with pretty knives in a display case beside him.

Tav figures he’s either a very noticeable criminal-on-the-loose, a vampire, or both.

“Shadowheart, isn’t it?”

Multiple people gasp. They must think that this man just signed his own death-sentence.

It’s the first time somebody’s said Shadowheart’s name since they’ve arrived. Everyone else had only whispered ‘witch’. 

Never her name.

“Yes, it is,” Shadowheart nods, playing off her surprise calmly. “What’s your name?”

Even beneath the black mask he wears that covers his entire face except for his red eyes, Tav can tell that he smiles. “ Astarion . Pleasure to be doing business with the wicked witch herself.”

Tav narrows her eyes at the title, and the movement immediately makes Astarion’s eyes snap over to the tiefling. 

“How rude of me,” Astarion drawls. “What’s your name?”

“Tav,” she answers shortly.

“Tav,” Astarion repeats. He hums and turns his attention back and forth between Shadowheart and Tav. “Could I interest you two in some beautifully -crafted blades?”

“My fruit-cutting knife has been getting a bit dull,” Shadowheart mumbles, taking a step closer to examine the knives in the case.

“ Fruit - cutting —” Astarion gasps in disbelief. “Shadowheart, dear! These blades are meant for more than that!”

“I have no need for blades capable of more than fruit-cutting,” Shadowheart replies easily as her eyes remain on the knives. She tugs Tav closer and points to one of the knives inside the case. “Love, what do you think of this one?”

“ Love ?” Astarion repeats curiously— dramatically . He’s clearly one for theatrics. 

It might be to their aid, though. He speaks loudly, enough for others to hear. 

Tav thinks it’s not too bad of an idea to play up their ‘relationship’, and thinks it’ll make Shadowheart seem less of a cold-hearted, evil witch. 

“You want to buy that for apple cutting?” Tav asks.

“Is that a no?”

“It’s your money,” Tav shrugs. 

Shadowheart nearly pouts. “That’s not helpful.”

Tav laughs. “Let’s get that one, then. It’s pretty. Who knows the next time we’ll be able to buy from Astarion .”

Astarion stands taller at the mention of his name, chest puffing out. “Each knife comes with its own personal sheath. At a higher cost, of course.”

“Of course,” Shadowheart repeats lightheartedly. “We’ll take that one, then. Along with its sheath.”

“Perfect!” Astarion sing-songs. He takes a key out of his pocket with gloved hands and moves in front of the display case to open it. He carefully removes the knife and opens a drawer to find its coupled sheath. 

After sheathing the knife, Shadowheart exchanges the right amount of coins for it.

Astarion bows his head. “Pleasure doing business with you, Shadowheart and Tav.”

“You, too, Astarion,” Shadowheart smiles. “I’ve not seen you here before.”

“You’ve been here before?” Astarion questions, picking up on the detail Shadowheart accidentally let slip.

“ Oops ,” Shadowheart lets out as Tav whisks her away. They start heading down the street as Astarion laughs after them. 

“I’ll be at the tavern down the road come nightfall!” he calls out. “You two should come have a drink with me!”

Neither of them bother to respond to the man, but Shadowheart lets out a light giggle. Tav feels her stomach flip at the noise. 

She sneaks a glance to the woman by her side. “Are you thinking of meeting with him?”

“Only if you come along,” Shadowheart raises Tav’s hand to her lips. Tav can feel the curve of Shadowheart’s smile pressed against the back of her hand. “I can teleport us away at the snap of a finger, if that’s any reassurance.”

“You don’t think it’s a trap?” Tav’s voice lowers so only Shadowheart can hear her. “What if he calls knights?”

“That man doesn’t seem like the type to bow to authority, Tav. You and I could both sense that, no? Hells, he was selling stolen knives.”

“How do you know they were stolen?”

“He carved designs over the original signatures on the handles,” Shadowheart laughs. “Beautiful craftsmanship—still stolen, though.”

Tav huffs in amusement. “Wow.”

Shadowheart kisses Tav’s hand and then lets it drop back down to their sides. “If you don’t want to, we don’t have to.”

“ Please ,” Tav rolls her eyes. “You’ve been wanting to leave that damn cabin more than you’ve been letting on. We can have a couple of drinks, Shadowheart.”

Shadowheart beams brightly at Tav’s response.

Tav nearly trips over air.

Shadowheart’s smile might be the most dangerous thing about her.

–

Shadowheart teleports them to the cabin so they can drop off their purchases. Besides the cloth, they’d bought more kitchenware and dining sets—so Shadowheart and Tav won’t only have one of everything.

“That went well,” Tav comments, sitting on the counter as Shadowheart folds the new cloths into the cabinets. “How do you feel?”

“Refreshed, honestly,” Shadowheart answers. “It felt… freeing.”

Tav smiles softly. “I’m glad.”

Shadowheart freezes for a split-second, her back turned to Tav. She closes the cabinet and turns to look at the tiefling. “I apologize if the touching and the pet-names were too much.”

“No apology needed. Besides, it's probably easier to tell people we are lovers. And also—” Tav shrugs. “I wasn’t exactly complaining.”

“Oh,” Shadowheart breathes out.

“Yeah,” Tav laughs shyly. “ Oh .”

Shadowheart bites down on her lip to contain her smile. The fluttering within her stomach reminds her so much of the first time she’d fallen in love with Tav. All sorts of alarm bells ring in her head. 

Oh, dear.

—

As the two enter the tavern, everyone becomes hushed. Even the bard, who’d been playing on-stage, plucks at a wrong chord and then stops playing entirely. Tav’s eyes run over the interior of the small building. It seems almost cramped, but that might only be because of the lack of lighting.

The tavern isn’t empty by any means, but there are noticeably open tables and booths. Those inside the building stare warily at Shadowheart and Tav.

A tense silence falls over them. 

Tav looks around the tavern for—

“Shadowheart! Tav! Yoohoo! Over here!”

Astarion .

He’s no longer dressed head-to-toe in a cloak. Tav and Shadowheart walk towards a man with white hair and a wolfish smile. By the sharp pointed fangs shown in his smile, Tav’s inkling of him being a vampire seems to have been correct.

Tav and Shadowheart settle across the small circular wooden table from Astarion, sitting in the matching wooden stools. 

“I was starting to think I’d been stood up,” Astarion says with that same charming grin on his face. He plants his elbow onto the table and places his chin into the palm of his hand, facing the two women. “Now, what’s your cup of poison?”

“Wine for me,” Shadowheart answers.

“And a beer for me,” Tav nods. 

Astarion turns towards where the bar counter is. He’s aware that everyone’s listening to their conversation and raises an eyebrow towards the orc behind the counter. “You heard the ladies. Wine and beer!”

“We don’t serve witches,” the orc dares to sneer. He stands several feet taller than everyone else in the room, serving as both the bartender and the bodyguard at the establishment. 

And still, despite the orc’s defensive demeanor, Astarion laughs at the comment.

“You’ll serve this immortal, white-haired elf,” he gestures to himself, and then to Shadowheart, “—but not that one?” 

The orc continues to stand still, his eyes narrowing at Astarion. 

Astarion’s question is asked as a challenge, his smile a permanent fixture on his face—almost as if to keep his fangs visible. 

A wolf baring its teeth, even while his voice comes out silky-smooth. “ Please , Jarvis. You and I both know you’re fiending for some coins and that this tavern’s on the verge of bankruptcy. Stop being so foolishly picky about your customers and get the damned witch and her lover some alcohol.”

Tav crosses her arms against her chest, mildly impressed at Astarion’s response, and waits for Jarvis’ reaction. She feels oddly smug when the orc mutters something under his breath and goes to pour the drinks. 

The stomping of Jarvis’ boots as he walks around the counter to place the drinks in front of Shadowheart and Tav reverberates within the building. When he walks away, and when the patrons within somewhat decide that Shadowheart and Tav aren’t going to kill them all, conversation slowly begins to build up again. The bard anxiously starts to continue playing his previous tune.

“Well then,” Astarion’s sickly-sweet voice simmers down from its borderline-threatening tone. His attention returns to the couple across from him, focusing more so on Shadowheart. “For an immortal being, you sure know how to make yourself scarce, sweetheart.”

Shadowheart chuckles kindly. “It’s not like I’ve seen much of you, either. You’re a vampire, aren’t you?”

“I am,” Astarion’s grin grows. “And I’ve been waiting for you to show up for centuries . It’s been getting so boring! I was truly looking forward to seeing you overtake an entire kingdom and make it your own.”

“Gods, no. That sounds like too much work.”

“Doesn’t it?!” Astarion laughs loudly.

Tav, although she’s not a part of this conversation, doesn’t feel out-of-place. She glances between Shadowheart and Astarion as they converse, and it makes her feel happy that Shadowheart’s finally able to speak to someone besides Tav.

“You’ve made quite a ruckus, Shadowheart,” Astarion sips from his own glass of wine. He leans forward as admiration drips from his tone. “I would know. I happen to be a master of creating ruckus.”

“I don’t know why I have,” Shadowheart gives an honest answer, chuckling weakly. “All I wanted was to learn magic and live a peaceful life.”

Astarion, for the first time since they’ve met, seems a little taken aback at this. He raises an eyebrow. “Hm. I’m beginning to think you’re not actually a wicked witch.”

Tav snorts as she raises her beer mug to her lips. “She avoids stepping on flowers in the forest because she doesn’t want to kill them.”

“You noticed that?” Shadowheart gasps.

Tav gulps at her beer, licks her lips and then lowers the mug with a nod. “You stutter-stepped every so often to avoid them, Shadowheart. It’s hard not to notice.”

Shadowheart’s pointed-ears turn red. Astarion laughs along with Tav’s chuckles.

“Is that why you’ve decided to show yourself to the world?” Astarion asks, gesturing vaguely into the air. “To show that you’re not so evil?”

“Yes. It was Tav’s idea.”

Upon the mention of the tiefling, Shadowheart slips her hand on top of Tav’s thigh, patting it twice. The table covers the action from anybody else’s eyes, and something about that knowledge makes Tav’s skin tingle.

“Ah, yes,” Astarion looks pointedly to Tav, narrowing his eyes playfully. “I’m dying to know how you and Shadowheart came to be.”

“I was a knight sent to kill her,” Tav states calmly. She leaves out the several hundred years ago aspect of it. 

Astarion tilts his head, studying Tav’s face. “A knight , you say? What stopped you from killing Shadowheart and fulfilling your oh-so-good-and-noble duties?”

Tav might’ve felt offended by Astarion’s taunting, sarcastic words had it been two days ago, but now she only feels a stinging prick of shame and guilt in her stomach. She remembers the first few pages of Shadowheart’s journal, depicting their first meetings and how cautious Past-Tav had been with watching Shadowheart’s actions. 

She takes a deep breath.

“It felt wrong to blindly follow orders, especially when it comes to somebody’s life being on the line,” Tav answers, placing her hand over the one Shadowheart has on her thigh. “After observing Shadowheart for a few days, I realized she was harmless. I saved her from a wolf attack and she saved me from succumbing to illness. The rest was history, as they say.”

Shadowheart nods along to Tav’s retelling of their story, her eyes focusing on the table and seeming far away. 

“The little tiefling who could,” Astarion says with some teasing undertones. He winks at Tav as he sips at his wine.

Tav lets out an amused breath.

Shadowheart looks up from her staring contest with the table. “Can I ask why you’ve been so kind to me? To us ? I mean, considering you know who I am, it’s surprising that you’re so kind—if not a little… concerning .”

Tav agrees with this, nodding along. “We told you our story. Fair is fair.”

The playful glint in Astarion’s eyes dim and he lets out a thoughtful hum, lowering his wine glass to place it on the table before he second guesses his actions. He continues holding the glass in his hands, swirling the dark-red liquid within. “I know what it’s like to be hunted.”

Despite the solemn tone to his words, Astarion rolls his shoulders back and lets out a little laugh. “Whether or not I was innocent is a different story—but I was also once a face on those ‘WANTED’ posters, the ones that get plastered all over bulletin boards. I’m sure you know the ones I’m talking about, dear. You’re the main character of them currently.”

When Shadowheart nods in understanding, the left side of Astarion’s lips curve upwards.

“The man who turned me into a vampire was evil-incarnate,” Astarion states within a contained hiss, continuing with his story. “I escaped from his manor and he lashed out. He falsified claims of me committing crimes that I didn’t commit, which was quite disrespectful in itself— I like to take credit for my crimes —but it’s easier to believe a centuries-old vampire overlord than it is to believe a newly-turned, runaway vampire.”

He pauses to take a rather large sip of his wine and then lets out a heavy breath. “Every damn monster hunter and mercenary was on the look-out for me.”

Shadowheart frowns. “How’d you get rid of them?”

Tav leans forward, interested in his answer.

“Well, I killed the man who was going to pay them,” Astarion answers casually, shrugging. “Not without the help of some friends, of course—but once I killed him, and word got around that he was gone, there was suddenly no reason to have my head.”

Tav deflates. There’s no one person that they can kill to make all of Shadowheart’s bounties go away. And even if there were, she knows that neither she or Shadowheart would want to go after them.

“I’m sensing that’s not the case for you ladies,” Astarion adds with a sympathetic smile, noticing Tav’s frown. This time, Astarion does set the wine glass down onto the table. “If it’s any consolation, the people in this village seem to already have let their guards down around you.”

Tav and Shadowheart both take a look around the tavern after Astarion says this. 

It’s true. 

Everyone seems to be minding their own business, either enjoying the company of other patrons or the liquids within their cups. Jarvis sends them glances every now and then, but it’s nothing akin to having pitchforks and knives pointed at them.

“I’m not sure how much my word will count, but I’ll make sure to spread the word of your not-so-evil ways,” Astarion says. “Maybe tear down some ‘WANTED’ posters with your face on it, use it as kindling for a campfire. You know—the likes .”

Shadowheart laughs at this, and even Tav spares a chuckle. “Thank you, Astarion. It means a lot.”

“Nonsense,” Astarion waves off the gratitude. “We immortal-beings have to look out for each other.”

“Then I’m glad to have found an ally in you.”

“Likewise.” Astarion then raises his glass, looking over to the bar counter. “Another round, please!”

—

Astarion stumbles over his own two feet when he gives a theater bow to Shadowheart and Tav. The three of them have just exited the tavern, standing in the street where the moon shines brightly above.

They’d spent the last few hours chatting about their lives (and Tav explains she’d been in an accident that had gotten rid of her memories) while sipping on their preferred drinks. 

Eventually, Astarion thought it was time to leave because he didn’t want to get caught when the sun began to rise.

When they’d left, there were only a couple of other patrons left inside the bar, and Tav figured she and Shadowheart should head back to the cabin, too. It’s been a long day for the both of them—and she’s sure Shadowheart’s even more tired than she is.

“I hope we run into each other again some time soon,” Astarion inclines his head.

“We’ll keep in touch somehow, I’m sure,” Shadowheart smiles. “You’ll be okay making your way to the inn?”

“I’ll be fine,” Astarion grins before he turns around and heads down the street. He raises a hand over his shoulder, speaking while walking away. “Until next time, dears.”

As Tav stares at his retreating figure, she feels a warm touch slide down her forearm and slip into her hand. When she looks over to Shadowheart, the witch smiles at her. “Shall we head back to the cabin?”

Tav hums in agreement, smiling back and letting Shadowheart lead her out of the village. They walk some ways into the surrounding forest before Shadowheart casts the teleportation spell and then they’re back in the living room of the cabin.

Except: Shadowheart might’ve had one too many glasses of wine, and the two of them land chaotically on the couch—with Tav catching onto Shadowheart’s body as she falls backwards.

“ Oops !” Shadowheart’s laughter is embarrassed as much as it is surprised at her own slip-up.

“You don’t drink often, do you?” Tav chuckles, steadying Shadowheart by placing her hands on her waist. Tav’s laying on her back and Shadowheart’s hands are resting on her shoulders to keep her from completely crushing the other woman, body fitted between Tav’s legs.

“I don’t usually have the chance. And drinking alone sounds awful.”

Her words come out airy once she realizes the lack of distance between her and Tav’s faces. Shadowheart inhales sharply and sits up, ignoring how the world spins at how quickly she moves. 

“I’m sorry!” she practically squeaks, sitting back on her knees.

Tav follows the movement with a comforting grin. She sits up and cautiously outstretches her hand just behind Shadowheart’s back. Shadowheart’s swaying unknowingly and Tav’s a little concerned she’s actually going to fall off of the couch. 

“No more drinking and spell-casting,” Tav scolds lightly.

Shadowheart giggles despite the borderline painful rapid beating of her heart. “That’s probably for the better.”

Shadowheart sways far back enough for Tav’s hand to make contact with her body. Tav curls her fingers gently and keeps Shadowheart steady, holding onto her waist. 

“Did you have fun today?” Tav asks. 

“I did,” Shadowheart nods. She’s acutely aware of Tav’s touch and how close she still is—even after she had sat up. She clears her throat. “Thank you. If it weren’t for you, I would’ve never been able to do what I did today.”

“Don’t talk like this is going to be a one-time thing,” Tav smiles, feeling her heart flutter at Shadowheart’s happiness. “I know the solution to our problem isn’t as clean-cut as Astarion’s solution had been, but I really believe that we can make something work.”

Shadowheart’s eyes widen for a split-second. Tav had called it ‘ our ’ problem—even though this is entirely Shadowheart’s problem. Her heart aches and a frown makes its way to her face. She feels herself sobering up a little bit as tension settles into her shoulders.

“You don’t have to do this, you know?” Shadowheart’s voice is so quiet that it’s hard to hear even with the silence of the night. 

Tav stares at Shadowheart in concern, noting the furrowed eyebrows and frowned lips. “What do you mean?”

“You don’t owe me anything,” Shadowheart’s volume rises only a little bit. She blinks away some of the blurriness that fills her vision. “I wouldn’t blame you or go after you if you want to walk away from all of this. It’s a lot for somebody else to take on. After all, it’s my face on the bounty—therefore it should only be my burden.”

“What are you talking about?” Tav’s grip on Shadowheart’s waist tightens. “Didn’t you hear me at the tavern? You’re harmless. Besides, you’ve only killed in your own self-defense. Even if I wasn’t originally involved in this situation, there’s no way I’d want you to keep being hunted.”

Shadowheart finds herself holding her breath as Tav speaks. Tav’s upset, her lips also now frowned and her forehead wrinkled—and Shadowheart’s chest aches with guilt.

“I don’t want to have this back-and-forth with you every time I want to help you on my own accord, Shadowheart,” Tav’s tone softens. She practically whispers Shadowheart’s name and it plucks a melodic chord somewhere deep within the witch’s soul. “I meant it last night when I said that I refuse to let you continue living this depressing rinse-and-repeat life. And I’m not doing this because I feel like I owe you anything, alright?”

The hand Tav has on Shadowheart’s waist slides up her body, cupping her nape instead. Her free hand occupies the other side of Shadowheart’s neck before moving to curl her fingers by her jaw. Shadowheart’s gaze must’ve shifted elsewhere, because now Tav is carefully adjusting Shadowheart’s head so that they’re eye-to-eye.

“ Alright ?” Tav repeats.

A film of tears builds up in Shadowheart’s eyes. She gives a weak nod. “Alright.”

When her tears well up too much and start to slip from her eyes, Shadowheart tries to bring up her hand up to wipe them—but Tav’s thumbs beat her to it.

Shadowheart gives an embarrassed chuckle. “I might be an emotional drunk.”

Tav lets out a non-committal hum, clearly not believing Shadowheart’s excuse but being kind enough to not call it for what it is. When Shadowheart’s tears are wiped away, Tav lowers her hands and brings them back to her own lap. “You should take the bed tonight, Shadowheart. If it’s been a long day for me, I’m sure it’s been even longer for you.”

“We can share,” Shadowheart sniffles to clear her nostrils. 

“We can share,” Tav repeats with a nod and a comforting smile.

Then, Tav feels the air ripple around them again.

It seems Shadowheart has sobered up because she teleports the two of them into bed perfectly fine. They’re still in their previous positions, with Shadowheart kneeling between Tav’s stretched out legs. 

They shuffle around, both getting under the blanket and settling onto their backs. Tav’s fingers twitch, picking at the shirt she has on just to have something to do.

Shadowheart exhales shakily.

Tav holds her breath.

“Will you go shopping again next week with me?” asks Shadowheart. 

Tav lets go of the breath she’d been holding and is surprised when a gentle chuckle escapes her lips.

“Yeah, Shadowheart,” she whispers. “I’ll go shopping again with you next week.”

During the days after their first outing, Shadowheart teaches Tav how to tend to the various plants she has in her garden. Tav’s seen the garden whenever she’d head to the outhouse, and was always impressed when she’d take another peek at it.

Shadowheart and Tav rest on their knees as Shadowheart points to weeds and explains the proper technique of removing them. She’s holding a small hand-held shovel, almost so small that it’s comical.

Tav, who’s never even thought about having a green-thumb, stares with intense concentration. She nods along to Shadowheart’s explanations and takes mental notes on Shadowheart’s gentle yet certain movements. 

“Besides watering, this is the main thing I have to do when it comes to taking care of them,” Shadowheart says after removing the weed with its roots. She puts it into the small wicker basket settled between her and Tav. “The amount of water each plant needs varies—but I can take care of the watering. Here, you try to grab that weed.”

She hands the shovel over to Tav, who finds herself oddly nervous. She’s not usually one to have performance anxiety, but the sun is shining brightly and there’s a small sheen of sweat building on Shadowheart’s neck that’s way more distracting than it needs to be.

Tav’s knuckles nearly turn white with how tightly she grips the shovel. She leans down and remembers what Shadowheart had just done, doing exactly that before pulling the weed out.

“Good job,” Shadowheart smiles. “There’s probably some roots still left, but we can deal with them later.”

“What do you do with the weeds you pull?” Tav asks as she puts the weed into the basket. She’s eyeing the rest of the plants to look for more to dispose of.

“I burn them,” Shadowheart answers. 

“ Sheesh ,” Tav mutters.

Shadowheart laughs and points out another weed that Tav immediately gets to work removing. “If I don’t burn them, they keep growing.”

With another weed disposed of, Shadowheart hums in approval.

“Looks like you got the hang of it,” she says. Tav burns with pride. Shadowheart places a hand on Tav’s shoulder as she stands. “You finish up here. I’ll be inside preparing refreshments for when you’re done, okay?”

“Okay,” Tav echoes.

As Shadowheart turns to go, Tav looks around the garden. It’s a fenced-in area—with the outhouse shack built into one of the corners. Tav wonders who built the fences, wonders if maybe Past-Tav had helped Shadowheart with it. She wonders if Shadowheart misses that version of her—if the version she is today isn’t an improvement to her past-self.

Tav shakes her head to get rid of that thought, feeling foolish for almost getting jealous over Past-Tav.

She looks down at the soil again and scans for more weeds.

–

When Tav comes back inside, her shirt has been discarded to reveal a loose tank-top underneath. The cream-colored material is darker following the curve of Tav’s spine and the area by her chest due to the sweat that’s accumulated there. Tav uses her discarded shirt to dab away at the sweat on her forehead and neck.

Shadowheart’s heart skips. 

She pours some of the iced tea she’d made into one of their newly-bought glass cups for something to do. She probably shouldn’t be ogling over Tav’s shiny, sweat-slicked gray skin, not when they haven’t been considered lovers for over a thousand years.

“Thank you for doing that,” she says to Tav as the tiefling sits at the kitchen counter. She slides the glass over to Tav, who immediately downs the tea. 

Tav, after drinking the tea in one breath, gasps refreshingly and sets the glass down. She doesn’t realize how parched she’d been. Shadowheart’s eyes stare amusedly at her as Tav uses the back of her hand to wipe at the tea that’d dribbled down her chin. “I have to pull my weight around here if I’m going to be staying, no?”

Shadowheart smiles. She wants to say something along the lines of, ‘You’ve said that before,’ but she doesn’t want to upset Tav. After hearing Tav admit that she wasn’t the same person Shadowheart first met, Shadowheart’s been wary when it comes to comparing Past-Tav and Current-Tav.

“Taking care of the garden is my main concern when it comes to chores,” Shadowheart says instead, taking the glass again to pour more tea for Tav. When Tav picks up the glass, she takes much shorter sips this time, actually savoring the flavor of the drink. “I have books on gardening that I dug out from my bookshelves, if you’d like to take a look.”

“Yes, that’d be great,” Tav grins. She’s a bit too excited for someone who’s done more reading in the past three days than she has in the entire past year. “I know you said that you can take care of the watering, but if this is one thing off of your shoulders, I’m more than willing to learn.”

Shadowheart’s eyes turn soft. “My magical studies have come to a slow-down, honestly. I’ve not done much studying or potion-creation for at least a hundred years at this point.”

Tav blinks. “What book were you reading while I was reading the journal? I thought you’d been studying.”

Shadowheart blushes. “It’s a romance novel.”

There’s half-a-beat of silence, and then Tav laughs so loud that Shadowheart’s followed whine gets drowned out by the noise.

“What’s so funny about that?!”

“I thought—” Tav chortles. Shadowheart narrows her eyes.

“I thought you’d been studying, but you—” Tav lets out a wheeze and wipes a tear from the corner of her eyes. Shadowheart is unamused.

“A romance novel, huh?”

“I didn’t say it was a good one,” Shadowheart huffs. “I just plucked the first thing my fingers touched on the shelf. I barely paid attention to it, really.”

“To each their own, Shadowheart,” Tav giggles. She takes another sip of her tea and stands from the stool. Shadowheart rounds the counter, following Tav to the living room area as they both settle into the couch.

Tav grabs the ‘GARDENING 101’ book on the coffee table and Shadowheart grabs the untitled book that had been beside it.

Tav smirks. “Another romance book?”

“ Shut up .”

The next week passes by quickly. She and Shadowheart wake up together in bed, Shadowheart prepares them breakfast, and then they spend the good majority of the day in the garden together. 

Shadowheart brings out one of the stools and she sits and reads while Tav tends to the garden. Shadowheart answers questions that Tav has about the wellbeing of the plants and Tav… Well, Tav provides a welcome-view for Shadowheart whenever she looks up from her book.

They spend their evenings lazing around and talking about Shadowheart’s latest romance novel, Tav’s growing interest in gardening, or anything else they can think of.

When it’s time for them to go into town again, Shadowheart’s fingers shake as she reaches for Tav’s hand.

“It’ll be alright,” Tav reassures her as they walk out of the cabin. 

But when they teleport to the village and make their way towards the short stone wall, they’re surprised to see a man posted by the entryway.

It’s not a fully-armored knight, or a guard of any kind for that matter. It’s a very old, haggard man, with a twisted wooden cane. He’s sitting on top of the stone wall, apparently waiting for their arrival because when they step out of the treeline, he sits up straight and beams widely.

The man gingerly gets down from the wall and hobbles towards the two.

Shadowheart and Tav both have the same idea to speed up so he doesn’t have to walk more than half-way to get to them.

“Shadowheart, yes?” he asks.

“Yes,” Shadowheart nods, leaning down a little to match his height better. “Is there a reason you were waiting for me?”

“I am the village chief, Harold. Welcome to Sulton Village,” he says with a proud tone to his voice. “I was told about your visit last week and hoped to see you again soon. I was away on a trip the day you’d come but I’ve sat outside every day since, waiting for your arrival!”

Tav makes a face, but quickly controls herself. 

“Come, come,” Harold says. “I will have food and drinks prepared for us at my home. I’ve been wanting to talk to you.”

Shadowheart hesitates, and Tav doesn’t blame her. 

Tav speaks up. “Is there a reason for this… welcome ?”

Harold looks at Tav as if he’d just noticed her presence. “You must be Shadowheart’s lover.”

“Tav,” Tav says, nodding once.

Harold hums in acknowledgement.

“Well, the welcome that would have greeted you two would have been a kingdom’s amount of knights had it not been for me,” Harold states. “They caused such a ruckus the day after you’d visited—all for nothing! I told them to get out before they started scaring away tourists.”

Shadowheart frowns. “I’m sorry, Harold, but we’re only here to grab some groceries.”

“Please, Shadowheart,” Harold smiles wearily. His stare is knowing. “It was you that put the protection spell around the village, wasn't it?”

Shadowheart’s eyes widen. Harold’s smile grows and the skin besides his eyes crinkle with its growth.

“Come. Have a late lunch with me. There will be plenty of vendors available for you afterwards.”

When Shadowheart squeezes Tav’s hand and looks at her for her thoughts, Tav nods.

They follow Harold through the village, steps slow to maintain the same speed as the older man. Passerbyers are shocked to see Shadowheart alongside the village chief—even more shocked than seeing Shadowheart herself. Shadowheart’s grip on Tav’s hand is so tight that Tav thinks she’s definitely losing blood circulation to her fingertips, but she doesn’t mind it at all.

She inclines her head towards Shadowheart and keeps her voice low so that only Shadowheart can hear her. “Are you alright?”

Shadowheart exhales shakily. She flexes her fingers and loosens her hold on Tav’s hand. “Yes. I’m sorry.”

Harold leads the two to a decently-sized wooden house. The group of villagers following the trio let out shocked whispers and gasps as Harold holds his door open for Shadowheart and Tav.

“I hope you like rabbit stew,” Harold smiles, nodding the two into his home.

Tav steps in first and peers around warily before Shadowheart follows suit. It’s a cozy home, which isn’t what Tav was expecting. She’d expected a cold building with no sign of someone living within, but it’s the opposite.

They enter into the living room, which is already full of family portraits and various knick-knacks, illuminated by the well-lit brick fireplace. 

“This way,” Harold gestures after closing the door behind him. He leads them to the kitchen/dining-room and the pair finds themselves standing awkwardly as Harold shuffles over to the stovetop. The long wooden table is only set for two people, one on each side—Harold clearly hadn’t expected Shadowheart to have a guest. “Feel free to have a seat. I’ll just warm up the stew and grab another dining set.”

Shadowheart and Tav sit down, both casting silent, confused glances to each other. 

When Harold returns to set another bowl and set of utensils in front of Tav, Shadowheart speaks. 

“How did you know it was me?” she asks. “The protection spell.”

Harold’s soft smile grows. He turns back around to grab the pot to place in the middle of the table. 

“Who else would be strong enough with magic to keep our village safe?” he replies rhetorically, though not unkindly. He uses a ladle to spoon stew into each of their bowls, careful not to waste a single drop of it, and keeps talking. “I’ve known about the boundary since I was a small boy. There was a traveling priest who had a sense for magicry, and he told my grandfather that there was a very strong protection ward surrounding our perimeter.”

He lets out a deep breath and sits down across from the women, glancing between the two of them. 

“I’ve seen the posters with your face on it, Shadowheart,” he states.

Shadowheart freezes, but Harold shakes his head softly.

“Magic isn’t criminal,” he tries to ease the obvious anxiety in Shadowheart’s face away. “I have no qualms with your existence. In fact, I’m grateful for it.”

Shadowheart’s eyes widen. “Grateful?”

“Who knows how many lives would have been lost without it?” Harold sighs. When Shadowheart opens her mouth to retort something, Harold holds a hand up to silence her. He gives a tired smile. “We’re no fighters. I’m sure you’re aware of this. Living peacefully is all we want.”

Shadowheart stays quiet this time, frown deepening. None of them have even touched the food in front of them. Tav stares warily at the older man across the table.

“I’ve suspected for a while that living peacefully is also something that you want.”

Shadowheart’s lips part in surprise. Nothing comes out.

Harold laughs before leaning close to his bowl and carefully sipping some of the stew from his spoon. When he sits back up, he meets Shadowheart’s eyes once again. “If you wanted me dead, I’m sure I would already be on the ground.”

The three of them sit in silence after the blunt statement. Sure, it’s true, but Harold had said those words so casually and without a hint of fear that it makes Shadowheart more confused than anything else.

“How do you know that living peacefully is something she wants?” Tav asks. 

Another hum as Harold’s eyes trail over to Tav. “The only news we ever heard about Shadowheart was about her killing the knights sent to cease her. There was never any news about the Evil Witch terrorizing villages or burning crops down—only news about another failed raid. It seemed more like the knights having a bruised ego more than a powerful witch on the loose.”

Shadowheart squirms uncomfortably. “Do you want something from me?”

Harold looks surprised this time. “Pardon?”

Tav also glances over to Shadowheart in shock.

“Is there something that you want in exchange for your silence about my location?” Shadowheart asks again. Her voice comes out steely, but there is an unmistakable quiver in it.

Harold shakes his head. He seems almost repulsed at the idea, but he also looks sad. “No, Shadowheart. That’s not the type of people we are. I invited you here to thank you for the protection spell. That’s all.”

Shadowheart worries her bottom lip, eyebrows furrowed. 

She’s not used to kindness.

“Sulton Village would not be standing if it weren’t for you,” Harold says earnestly. There’s a slight sparkle in his eyes, the reflection of the candles on the table. “Now, please . Have some stew.”

Shadowheart tenses up some more before she relaxes with an exhale.

She takes hold of her spoon and starts to eat.

—

Shadowheart is quiet as they leave Harold’s home with full stomachs and scattered brains. Tav leads her to the vendors as she squeezes her hand to gain her attention.

“Are you alright?” she asks when Shadowheart’s eyes meet hers.

“Yes,” Shadowheart’s reply is instant. She backtracks and lets out a small, airy laugh. “I think I will write in my journal tonight.”

For some reason, Tav’s stomach flips. 

She grins. “I think that’s a wonderful idea.”

—

With bags full of fresh vegetables and butcher-cut meat, the two return to the cabin. Tav and Shadowheart practically dance around each other to put things away in the small kitchen. 

When their bodies accidentally collide, Tav places a steadying hand on Shadowheart’s waist or Shadowheart places her hand palm-down on Tav’s shoulder. Each mishap is accompanied by surprised gasps and gentle giggles, making both women feel lighter despite the eventful day out.

Eventually, everything is put away and the setting sun has disappeared, leaving the risen moon in its wake.

Tav and Shadowheart settle in the living room. Tav has another gardening book in her lap as she sits on the couch meanwhile Shadowheart opens her leatherbound-journal, sitting on the floor in front of the coffee table. Shadowheart props up her feather-pen and her glass ink-jar, lighting the candle in front of her with a snap of her fingers.

Tav doesn’t ask any questions while Shadowheart writes. She thinks Shadowheart deserves to unwind and process everything that has happened by herself before sharing any thoughts, figures that Shadowheart will talk to her when she wants to— if she wants to.

So, Tav continues reading about the different types of soils and fertilizers with a small smile on her lips.

-

“Tav?”

Shadowheart’s voice is raspy due to lack of use. It’s late into the night and many journal pages later when Shadowheart decides to close her journal. Tav’s long lost interest in the gardening book and had actually been starting to nod off before Shadowheart spoke.

“Hmm?” she replies, sitting up straighter as Shadowheart turns from her position cross-legged on the floor.

Shadowheart smiles adoringly up at Tav, resting an arm on the couch. “Why didn’t you head to bed first?”

“Didn’t want to leave you alone,” Tav manages through a yawn. She blinks away some of her sleepiness. “What’s up?”

“What do you think of Harold’s proposal?” Shadowheart asks quietly. The hand that’s resting on the couch reaches out to loosely touch Tav’s knee. Tav’s noticed that Shadowheart has a tendency for physical touch when she’s anxious. 

“His proposal?” Tav repeats, sitting up more and leaning closer to Shadowheart. They’re both speaking in near-whispers, as if not to disrupt the quietness of the night. “About the parade for you?”

Shadowheart nods with a hum. Her fingers curl under the bend of Tav’s knee, thumb slowly running back and forth across Tav’s skin. “I’m not sure whether to agree to it or not. It seems like a mess waiting to happen.”

Tav smiles. “This entire situation is a mess already. I think it might be a good idea to publicize yourself and reveal that you’d been protecting the village anonymously for hundreds of years. It’ll do good for your image.”

Shadowheart huffs and places her cheek down onto the couch. She’s pouting. “I didn’t want to have to be a public figure. That’s never what I wanted.”

“I know,” Tav hums. She scoots off of the couch and joins Shadowheart on the floor. Shadowheart’s hand stays placed on her knee. “If you don’t want to do it, then you don’t have to. As much as I want you to be able to live freely, I don’t want you to have to force yourself to do something you don’t want to.”

“But—” Shadowheart’s voice gets caught in her throat. She stops the sentence from coming out of her mouth and averts her gaze to her lap.

But if I stop striving for freedom, you’ll leave.

It stings for even Shadowheart to think about, let alone speak it out into the universe.

Tav’s eyes soften. She knows the unspoken words on the tip of Shadowheart’s tongue. 

“I think,” Tav starts softly, waiting for Shadowheart’s eyes to snap back up at her before she continues. “I think, no matter the lifetime, that you are the closest thing I have to a home. I keep returning to you, after all.”

Shadowheart’s eyes widen and then, almost instantly, they water.

Tav places a hand over the one Shadowheart has on her knee and squeezes lightly. “If you’d let me, I’d like to stay with you—regardless of your decisions.”

“Are you sure?” Shadowheart asks through a quiet gasp. “You—You could go anywhere, be anyone, and you wish to stay?”

“Don’t seem so surprised,” Tav lets out a weak laugh. 

“I don’t want you to regret staying,” Shadowheart whispers.

I don’t want you to leave me again.

Old wounds reopen, memories of Tav’s initial departure floods Shadowheart’s brain. She stills. 

Tav squeezes Shadowheart’s hand a little tighter. “I’ll be here, Shadowheart.”

Shadowheart wants to believe her, but her chest aches painfully and her eyes water to the point that her vision blurs. 

“You don’t believe me,” Tav states. There’s a flicker of hurt in her eyes, but it vanishes within the same second.

Shadowheart sucks in a breath. “That’s not true.”

“I’m not the same person,” Tav whispers.

I wouldn’t have left.

“I know,” Shadowheart says.

“How do I get you to believe me?” Tav asks, tone verging on desperate.

Shadowheart shakes her head. “I believe you, Tav.”

“No, you don’t,” Tav’s voice is firm, eyes flicking between Shadowheart’s. She lets out a little sigh, her shoulders rising and falling with the breath. 

Shadowheart freezes again, caught in Tav’s intense gaze. 

She thinks she’s imagining it when Tav leans closer, but she still finds herself sitting up straight—leaning away .

Shadowheart sniffs and uses her free hand to wipe at her cheeks, failing to see the disappointment on Tav’s face. “I’ll try,” she says. “I’ll agree to Harold’s proposal. Anyway, it’s late. We should head to bed.”

Tav’s hand slips away from Shadowheart’s, and Shadowheart finds herself immediately missing the touch. 

The silence between them, for the first time since their initial reunion, is tense. They both get up and shuffle to the bedroom, but Tav doesn’t make jokes about Shadowheart’s ‘old-person’ pajamas like she usually does. Shadowheart doesn’t hold the blanket up for Tav to join her like every other night.

No.

They climb into bed without a word.

—

The following morning, Tav acts like nothing had happened. Shadowheart finds herself feeling concerned about the behavior, but eventually gives into normality. 

Shadowheart accepts Harold’s idea for the parade and tells him about it the next time she and Tav visit Sulton Village. Harold, of course, is overjoyed and immediately begins preparations for the next week.

The villagers, after seeing Shadowheart for three weeks in a row, seem less and less perturbed by her existence. The only vendors that seem frightened by her are the traveling ones who’ve never seen her before. The local ones, who have seen her since the first week, have even started to offer the pair smiles when they see them.

Shadowheart and Tav still haven’t spoken about their conversation that one night. Tav’s too prideful to admit that Shadowheart’s lack-of-trust in her has given her quite the emotional bruise and Shadowheart’s too anxious about forcing her own emotions onto Tav.

“One week, then,” Tav smiles as she and Shadowheart enter the cabin with their new goodies. “How do you feel about it?”

“How do I feel about an entire day’s-worth of celebration dedicated to me?” Shadowheart asks with a nervous laugh. She sets down the books she had stacked in her arms onto the coffee table and turns to look at Tav. “I feel like I’ve eaten a meals-worth of spoiled food and need to barf it up.”

Tav laughs loudly, heading towards the kitchen to drop off the bags of food as Shadowheart sits on the couch. “It’ll be fine. You might even have fun!”

“Unlikely, considering the villagers might just think me awkward,” Shadowheart mumbles. Her eyes stay on Tav’s back as Tav puts things away in the kitchen. “Evil and awkward. What a mess.”

Tav moves around the area naturally, already having remembered where Shadowheart keeps everything and just how she likes to organize them. Shadowheart feels her chest warm.

Tav turns around, immediately finding Shadowheart’s eyes on her. She raises her eyebrows, both in amusement and in surprise at the already-there gaze. “I don’t think you realize how charming you are.”

Shadowheart’s eyes widen. “Charming?”

“Underneath the…” Tav gestures vaguely towards Shadowheart.

“The…?” Shadowheart’s wide eyes start to narrow and she quirks an eyebrow.

Tav walks to where Shadowheart’s sitting and plops down next to her. “The angst.”

“I am not —”

Tav’s snort cuts off Shadowheart’s rebuttal.

Shadowheart huffs and plucks a book from the stack in front of her. She opens it, trying to ignore Tav’s searching eyes, and her eyes flit thoughtlessly along the words pressed into the pages.

“It’s normal to be nervous, even for good things,” Tav says eventually.

Shadowheart peeks over her book.

Tav gives her a comforting grin. “Now, can you read to me?”

“Read to you?” Shadowheart repeats incredulously. She does that a lot: repeating what Tav says or asks to her. 

Tav finds it endearing.

“Yes,” Tav hums, shuffling her body into a lying position with her head on a pillow beside Shadowheart’s thighs and her feet dangling off the other end of the couch. “You have a storyteller’s voice—and I’m sleepy.”

Shadowheart fails to find any words to reply with. She stares down at Tav, who has already closed her eyes in wait for Shadowheart’s reading.

Shadowheart sighs dramatically and looks back down to the book. She doesn’t miss the quirk of Tav’s lips when she starts to read aloud the words on the page.

-

Some time in the midst of Shadowheart’s reading, Tav falls asleep. 

And, some time in Tav’s sleep, Shadowheart’s left hand runs careful fingers through the tresses of Tav’s hair. Shadowheart is still reading out loud, though much quieter now, with her book balanced in between her thighs. 

When Tav eventually wakes up, it’s slowly and unwillingly. Shadowheart’s fingers running through her hair and the feeling of them on her scalp nearly lulls her right back to her dreamland, but then Tav feels Shadowheart’s fingers stutter.

She feels Shadowheart’s hand shift towards the broken horn on Tav’s forehead, the one on the left side of her head. Her reading stops.

Tav opens her eyes and spots a frown on Shadowheart’s lips and a sad look in her eyes. 

“Do you know how I lost my horn?” Tav doesn’t let her voice go any higher than a whisper, doesn’t give Shadowheart time to pull her hand—or her gaze—away.

Shadowheart’s fingertips skid across Tav’s head, stopping to graze over the horn that’s still intact. Her eyes flick over to the missing one. “You lost it at the orphanage.”

“At the orphanage?”

“They’d tried to remove both of your horns—something about wanting you to fit in with the other children so you’d get adopted—but you’d run away after they only managed to get one,” Shadowheart’s touch feels feather-like, and goosebumps raise on Tav’s bare arms. Shadowheart doesn’t make eye-contact with Tav, and Tav uses the opportunity to stare and stare.

“I would’ve thought I lost it in battle as a knight, or in battles against knights.”

“No,” Shadowheart hums with that same frown on her lips. Her fingers skate back over to the broken horn, thumb gently running over the smoothened-down edges. “You’d never gotten badly injured as a knight before your time with me, and any wound you’d gotten while with me, I’ve healed so well that no trace remains of it.”

To heal a wound so well that it doesn’t even scar is unheard of. Tav finds her heart fluttering as she stares at the woman above her.

“You’re really powerful, aren’t you?” 

Tav says this in-awe, in admiration , but Shadowheart seems to find it a stinging observation. She can’t help but immediately pull her hand away from Tav’s skin—as if she’d been burnt.

“I didn’t mean it as a bad thing,” Tav whispers, trying to get rid of the wrinkle in between Shadowheart’s brows. “Power isn’t inherently evil.”

“Many people would beg to differ,” Shadowheart replies. She places a pressed-flower into the book she’d been reading and closes it. Tav sits up, knowing this is Shadowheart’s way of telling her it’s time for bed.

Tav wants to tell Shadowheart that she’s not ‘many people’, but decides it’s not worth it. She can predict the disbelieving look Shadowheart would give her. 

Instead, Tav sits motionlessly as Shadowheart puts the book down, puts out the candle, and stands from the couch. 

It angers her a little that Shadowheart won’t talk to her, but she knows she shouldn’t be so upset. Shadowheart doesn’t owe her anything. 

If anything, Tav owes Shadowheart everything . 

She wonders if, maybe, Shadowheart regrets letting Tav stay. With the way Shadowheart avoids Tav’s touch, and even her gaze if it lingers too long, Tav’s starting to doubt that Shadowheart’s in-love with her.

Perhaps Shadowheart has finally realized Tav’s not the woman that she’d first fallen in love with. 

Perhaps Shadowheart’s too good of a person to tell Tav to get lost.

Shadowheart freezes in her steps, waiting for Tav to follow her, but Tav continues to sit.

“Aren’t you coming to bed?” Shadowheart asks carefully.

“Do you feel responsible for me?” is what leaves Tav’s mouth.

Shadowheart stutters. “What? What are you talking about?”

“Because our lives are bound, do you think it’s your responsibility to take care of me?” Tav looks up from the ground to find Shadowheart’s eyes in the dark. “Am I a burden to you?”

“Where is this coming from?” Shadowheart immediately sits back down next to Tav. “ No , of course I don’t think that.”

“You said—” Tav hesitates. “You said you could undo the spell.”

She doesn’t expect Shadowheart to look absolutely crestfallen when the words leave her mouth.

“Yes, I can,” Shadowheart’s concerned voice has shifted to a controlled tone—a safe one. She seems to hold her breath after this, her body completely frozen.

Tav bites her lower-lip, frowning. “What would that mean? For me? For us?”

Shadowheart’s eyes rip away from Tav’s. She looks around the room before settling back onto Tav. Even though they’re making eye-contact, Shadowheart’s eyes seem far away.

“It… It would mean that you would start to age again,” she says. There’s only a slight shake in her words. “And I believe you would lose your memories one last time, but I can’t be too sure about that. I only know that you would start to age again, and that me dying would no longer bring you down with me.”

Shadowheart’s hands tremble as she places them into her lap, folding them tightly together. “Why do you ask? Is that something you want?”

“I want you to not feel burdened,” Tav says.

“And I told you that I don’t,” Shadowheart replies immediately, almost angrily—almost, because there’s too much heartbreak in her voice to really seem angry. 

Tav thinks she’s made a mistake in mentioning the undoing of the spell. 

The muscles in Shadowheart’s throat tightens as she takes a silent gulp. “I can do it, if you want me to.”

“ No ,” Tav grits out, shaking her head. “I’m sorry. It was stupid of me to even think about that as an option. I’m sorry.”

“I don’t think you would’ve mentioned it if you didn’t mean it even a little bit,” Shadowheart mutters.

“I just—” Tav breathes heavily, holding back tears. She feels shame bubble up in her stomach. “I don’t want our relationship to be constrained to what it used to be, Shadowheart. I want to be able to bond with you, to learn about you as you learn about me—or as you help me learn about me—without feeling like you’re only doing this because… because you once loved someone who looked like me. I can’t help but feel like you’re waiting for the Old-Tav to come out and it hurts to think I’ll be disappointing you. Does that make me selfish?”

“It doesn’t make you selfish,” Shadowheart shakes her head. She angles her body to turn towards Tav, taking Tav’s hands into her own and gathering them into her lap. “If anything, I’m the selfish one. I’m sorry for making you feel like I only care about the past version of you. That’s not true at all. As much as I loved the first Tav I met, I also care deeply about this version of you—the one that downs my iced-tea in two gulps and makes fun of me for reading romance novels—”

Tav manages a weak chuckle at this.

Shadowheart runs a thumb over the vein on the side of Tav’s wrist, feeling the rapid heartbeat pulsing there. 

“If you want me to undo the spell, I will do it. If it makes you even a little bit happy, I will do it,” Shadowheart says seriously. 

“No,” Tav sniffles. “I don’t want to forget about you.”

“Then what can I do to help ease your worries?” Shadowheart questions.

Tav shivers at the look in Shadowheart’s eyes. It’s so… warm . She thinks she can get lost in there if she lets herself—and she wants to let herself.

“I want you to be less careful around me.”

Shadowheart’s facial features turn puzzled. “What?”

Tav smiles sadly. “You flinch away from my touch. You avoid looking too long into my eyes. Don’t think I’ve missed the guilty frown on your lips whenever you stare at me or let your hands linger for a second too long.”

Shadowheart tenses. She didn’t think she was so actively and obviously avoiding Tav’s possible-advancements. It’s been a subconscious thing, something she’d been doing to protect Tav from what she’d thought had been her own wishful thinking.

The smile on Tav’s lips falters. “Unless it’s because you truly do not care for me in that way anymore—”

“ That’s not it. ”

Shadowheart rejects the idea so quickly, they’re both stunned into silence for a few seconds.

Then, Tav lets out an amused breath through her nostrils. “If that’s not it, then what is ?”

“Your life is tied to mine,” Shadowheart states. “I have power over you, regardless of whether I’d use it to harm you or not—that power is still there. I’m not avoiding your touches because I don’t want them—I avoid them because I am scared of taking advantage of you.”

“And what if I told you I trusted you with my life?” Tav asks.

Shadowheart feels her breath get stolen from her lungs.

“What then?” Tav prompts.

“Then…” Shadowheart’s tongue darts out of her mouth to swipe at her bottom-lip for a split-second. The action doesn’t go unnoticed by Tav, whose eyes flicker down at the movement before moving back up to meet Shadowheart’s gaze. “Then I’d show you in every lifetime you live how it feels to be loved by me.”

Shadowheart had written in her journal about her and Tav’s first-kiss, about how she didn’t know who had leaned in first—didn’t know who initiated it first—but that’s not the case here. 

Tav pulls her hand free from the clasp Shadowheart has on it in her lap, reaching up to thread her fingers into Shadowheart’s hair and letting her palm rest just beneath Shadowheart’s ear. She tugs Shadowheart closer gently, delighting in the trembling breath Shadowheart takes.

Considering there hadn’t been much distance between them to begin with, their lips meet within seconds. Tav swallows the breathy sigh Shadowheart lets out once their lips connect, pressing closer. 

Shadowheart’s hand is tentative as it rests flat across Tav’s sternum. 

Only when Tav’s tongue swipes at Shadowheart’s lip does Shadowheart throw her hesitation away. Her hand closes into a fist, gripping Tav’s shirt tightly as their lips detach and quickly rejoin in a heated rhythm. A quiet moan leaves Shadowheart’s mouth, throat vibrating with the noise.

It’s been over a thousand of years since Shadowheart’s been kissed—since Shadowheart’s been touched in any way that isn't harmful. She tries to go as slow as she can, but she quickly remembers how dizzying kissing someone you love can be, and falls victim to the high of arousal.

She stands, her lips on Tav’s, as the fistful of Tav’s shirt she has in her grip drags Tav up with her. Tav lets out a startled, yet pleased, hum when she realizes Shadowheart’s leading them to the bedroom. It’s too many steps, though, and Tav pushes Shadowheart against the wall in the hallway.

“Tav,” Shadowheart lets out in a whine. She moves her hands from grabbing onto Tav’s shirt to looping around Tav’s shoulders, clawing at her back. “At least bring us to the bed.”

Tav thinks the breathless, airy way Shadowheart’s speaking sounds delicious. She presses a chaste kiss to Shadowheart’s lips before letting her head dip to her neck.

“ Tav .”

Shadowheart whines again, but her hips buck up into Tav’s body as Tav kisses and sucks at the sensitive skin.

Tav whispers against the warmth of Shadowheart’s neck, lips just below her ear, “Rather than showing me how it feels to be loved by you, I want you to show me how you want to be loved.” 

Dull nails dig into Tav’s shoulders through her shirt. Shadowheart breathes harshly, head knocking back against the wall as Tav leaves more bruising kisses on her throat.

“Bring me to our damn bed and I’ll grant that wish.”

At the words spoken through gritted teeth, Tav smirks against Shadowheart’s skin and brings her hands beneath Shadowheart’s thighs, lifting her with ease.

“Yes, ma’am.”

Tav doesn’t admit it, but she’d also been very nervous about the parade. She hid it well so it wouldn’t add onto Shadowheart’s concern, however when the day comes, Shadowheart is the one that has to comfort Tav.

“I will get us out of there at even the slightest hint of danger,” Shadowheart’s fingers interlocked with Tav’s squeeze comfortingly. “I think it’ll be okay.”

“Right,” Tav nods once. “Sorry. I know you’re worried enough as is.”

“Don’t be,” Shadowheart smiles, leaning in to press a kiss to Tav’s cheek. “I won’t let anything happen to you.”

“That’s not what I’m worried about. I’m worried about your safety—”

“Yes, well, my life is tied to yours so it’s the same thing.”

“That’s—”

“I’m teleporting us to the village now.”

-

Harold does most of the talking as he, Shadowheart, and Tav stand in front of the crowd of people. They’re standing on a stage located in the main square of the village. Tables full of fresh food and refreshments are scattered around the area, though the crowd is polite enough to wait to eat.

Shadowheart’s attention flickers over the crowd, her ears buzzing at all the faces—familiar and unfamiliar—that she sees staring up at her. For the first time, she doesn’t see a single look of fear or hatred angled at her. 

Harold’s in the middle—or the end—of a speech about how his grandfather and his father knew about the protection spell on the village, but never of its spellcaster. Shadowheart hears Harold mention her name, but everything sounds muffled.

Only when Tav lays an anchoring hand on the small of her back does Shadowheart snap out of her daze. 

“Shadowheart’s face is familiar to those who live here—and not only because she’s a face on countless bounty posters—”

Tav internally winces. Harold lacks a bit of tact, but his enthusiasm makes up for it.

“She has kept our village safe from monsters for generations and generations, without wanting anything in return. I had to practically beg her to even let me go through with this celebration.”

Harold turns to Shadowheart, a smile on his face as he continues to talk. 

“My granddaughter would not be alive had it not been for your protection spell. I’m sure this village would not be the same if you had not cast it. Today’s celebration is dedicated to you, Shadowheart. We’re glad you can join us for it.”

A round of applause rings out, and Tav hears a familiar voice going ‘whoop-whoop!’

She looks at the man covered head-to-toe in a black cloak and smiles. Shadowheart’s body shivers, only noticeable by Tav because she has her hand still pressed to her back.

“Let’s go mingle,” Tav says as she watches the crowd start to head towards the food on the table.

Shadowheart hums and lets Tav lead her down the stairs.

Sulton Village is as far as Shadowheart wants her image to go. 

Sulton Village is the only civilization that matters to her, considering it’s the only place she does her shopping and socializing—but the universe has other plans.

The word of Shadowheart’s good deed spreads far and wide, like wildfire. Within the following months, Sulton Village is packed every time she and Tav go there for groceries, as if people are looking forward to running into Shadowheart.

Most of them ask for favors, for Shadowheart to heal their loved one, for Shadowheart to put a protection spell on their home, for Shadowheart to offer security to their trading route.

It’s too much.

Tav recognizes when Shadowheart gets overwhelmed, and she’s the one that tells people to fuck off if they’re too pushy. Shadowheart never does. 

She doesn’t want to seem selfish for not offering her aid, but she knows deep down that she shouldn’t spread herself too thin.

“This is getting fucking annoying,” Tav grumbles as soon as they’re teleported back into the cabin. Her feet ache after chasing some dragonborn kid’s cat around. The sun set a long time ago. “I know Harold says he’s trying his best to shoo them off, but it’s not enough.”

“I know,” Shadowheart agrees quietly. They’d come home empty-handed because all of their time spent in the village had been spent helping the people there. “This is much better than having to kill the knights sent to murder me, though.”

Tav finds her anger dissipating at the comparison. She feels like an asshole now—because she’s getting annoyed at people asking for help when the other option is for people to call for Shadowheart’s death.

There has been a significant decrease in bounties for Shadowheart, but they’ve not disappeared. Knights have shown up at Sulton Village, but Shadowheart has chosen to run away instead of fighting them every time. That, or the villagers themselves run the knights out.

“You’re right,” Tav shakes her head. She steps closer to Shadowheart, wrapping her arms around her waist and pressing a quick kiss to her lips. “I’ll take healing surface wounds and locating lost pets over killing any day. I only wish we could enjoy our days out again.”

Shadowheart hums thoughtfully, wrists looping loosely around Tav’s shoulders. “Perhaps we need to set more firm boundaries. We could set up a schedule of sorts, only accepting requests on certain days.”

Tav lets out a small snort. “Do you think you should start charging people for this?”

“No,” Shadowheart answers without needing to think about it. “I have no use for extra coins. Besides, I think… I think I like helping people. It’s made the days seem a lot more fulfilling. I go to sleep feeling much more content nowadays.”

Tav feels her chest expand with warmth at the confession. She nuzzles her nose against Shadowheart’s. “You’re an angel, you know that?”

“No,” Shadowheart’s smile softens. She kisses Tav, letting her lips linger as she speaks, “I’m a witch who’s in love with an angel.”

“Tell that to the horn on my head,” Tav replies skeptically, leaning back.

“I will,” Shadowheart says with just as much sass in her tone. One hand trails up Tav’s neck before gripping the base of her horn. She tugs, making Tav’s head tilt back so Shadowheart can place a kiss on her neck. Her breath is hot against Tav’s skin. 

“There is no doubt in my mind that you’re my guardian angel, Tav, and I will remind you every day—every lifetime —how thankful I am for you.”

And Tav closes her eyes, knowing that this lifetime is the only one she’ll ever need.