Work Text:
Christmas Eve
11:42 PM
Shin wakes up lying on the couch. He’s bundled in warm blankets with a pillow tucked under his head. He can’t remember falling asleep on the couch.
Actually, he can’t remember much of anything. The windows are dark, so it must be late. Whatever happened today, it must have been exhausting. His body aches. His head is ringing. His stomach grumbles. Still, he’s been carefully tucked in to be comfortable. He’s dressed in his usual day clothes, but his hat, scarf, and shoes have been removed. He must have collapsed on the couch, and then Hiyori took care of him…
Shin squirms under the blankets, feeling hot. Hiyori had gently wrapped him here, touching him lightly so as to not wake him. Shin wonders what his sleeping form felt. He feels envious.
But there’s something to distract him from those shameful thoughts—bright red and green lights twinkling in the corner of his eye. Shin’s eyes roam the room and he gasps. Hundreds of rainbow Christmas lights are strung along the walls, covering the whole room. White lights frame the hung photographs of Shin. There’s also a wreath on the door, and tinsel draped from the ceiling. Candles are lit on the table beside him. There’s even a Christmas tree stuffed in the corner, taller than Hiyori himself, covered in gaudy ornaments, and topped with an angel with Shin’s face.
It’s really too much. Shin thinks it can’t get any more outlandish until he looks back up at the ceiling above and the view comes into focus—there’s mistletoe hanging directly above his face.
Shin shrieks and sits up, heart pounding. Hiyori decorated all this while he was asleep?!
Slowly, slowly, Shin’s shock is overcome by affection, and he’s smiling again. Hiyori decorated all this for him… Hiyori took care of him… Shin has been so afraid of loving someone who didn’t feel the same way, but these are such clear signs…!
Oh no. That reminds him. It’s Christmas! A romantic holiday. Shin and Hiyori have always gotten each other presents without acknowledging that awkward fact. Shin was too shy to mention it, and Hiyori would only joke about it. But this year—where is Shin’s present? Did he truly forget to buy a present for Hiyori, after Hiyori made such a grand gesture for him?
It’s disorienting, like waking up into a dream. A bad dream where it’s the day of exams and somehow you’re naked in the middle of class. Shin can’t remember how he got here, on the day his wild romantic fantasies are coming true, and he’s woefully unprepared. How can he possibly repay Hiyori for all this?
Shin realizes he’s been waving his arms around in distress, an embarrassing habit. Before he can dwell on how silly he looks, he notices something odd. There’s a black scribble mark on his left wrist. Like he took a marker and messily covered something up. Shin can’t remember scribbling on his wrist. It’s an absurd thing to do…
But then Shin sees something else. A piece of yellow paper sticking out of his jacket pocket. Hoping it contains a clue for whatever happened today, Shin pulls it out, and reads a note in his own handwriting:
DO NOT OPEN HIYORI’S PRESENT
DON’T EAT ANYTHING
GET OUT
With that, the warmth in Shin’s heart freezes tight. All the flashy kindness on display in this room suddenly takes on a sinister veneer.
Shin can’t remember what happened today, and he wrote himself a warning. That’s incredibly suspicious. Despite wanting to trust Hiyori, his only friend, Hiyori has tricked him so many times over the years. Being Hiyori’s friend means riding a roller coaster each day while trying to have faith that it’s only a harmless amusement park ride.
But what if it’s not harmless? What if Shin has already fallen off?
Hiyori has often discussed the technical aspects of human memory with him. He’s talked about the scientific breakthroughs in helping people remember, and about the strange circumstances where people forget. He’s mentioned this subject too often over the years to erase that possibility from Shin’s mind…
“Shin? Are you awaaake?” Hiyori’s voice chimes from beyond the door.
Shin panics and rips the note into pieces. Then he shoves the pieces into his sock. He doesn’t say anything out loud, praying for more time.
In this room, there’s only one door, and Hiyori is behind it. Behind Shin is the window, where it’s black and icy outside. Shin gulps, feeling insane. He can’t seriously be considering this…
His legs carry him to the window and his hands find the latch to swing open, letting the freezing air rush inside. Shin isn’t dressed for chilly weather. He doesn’t even have shoes. But he swings his leg over the ledge and his toes find a foothold.
It says something disturbing about their relationship that Shin could so quickly believe he’s in danger from the man he loves. Thinking about that makes Shin hate himself more than anything else.
“Shiiiin, what are you doing? Don’t think I can’t hear you!”
Shin grunts and swings his other leg over the window ledge. Fear pushes him onward. He pants and looks for something to hold onto, something to grab, and he slides his feet forward. It’s terribly cold but terror fills him with strength he didn’t know he had. He needs to hurry. He lunges forward and his foot slips on the ice—
Oh god—
Terror terror in his brain in his heart there is nothing left but terror rattling his bones he is going to die he is going to die there is nothing left but the sky above and the ground below and the terror in the middle of it all ready to swallow him whole—
“SHIN YOU IDIOT!”
Hiyori grabs his hand and yanks him upwards with a power that burns through Shin’s arm. Then Hiyori wraps his arms around Shin’s torso in a crushing grip and pulls him inside—
The boys fall to the floor with Shin on top and Hiyori beneath.
“Shin!! What the hell did you do that for?” Hiyori shouts.
“I—I…” Shin stutters. He tilts his head up to see the door. But Hiyori still holds him in a tight embrace.
“Answer me, Shin!”
“I wanted fresh air,” Shin says meekly.
“Ohh, is that all you wanted? Some fresh air?!”
“Yes—”
“Do you want me to throw you back out there?”
“No, no I don’t!”
Hiyori’s expression is murderous and only centimeters away from Shin’s own face. Shin shivers and shuts his eyes. He can’t bear to look at his savior this way.
“I’m sorry…I’m so sorry,” Shin pleads. “I made a mistake. I’m sorry, Hiyori…”
Hiyori’s grip on Shin loosens. He lets out a long sigh and strokes Shin’s hair.
“There there. You’re safe now. I don’t know what got into you, but I’m assuming there’s unintended side effects causing erratic behavior. I’m stressed enough that my boss suddenly deleted our chat history and won’t write me back. Everyone is being so unfair! Shin… I’m tired and I don’t want to play games anymore. I’m not going to hurt you. Let’s do this properly.”
Shin nods without knowing what games Hiyori is talking about, but he intuitively understands that this means Hiyori won’t dangle him outside the window. Right now, that’s enough.
Hiyori lets Shin go and Shin doesn’t bother trying to flee. He sits back down on the couch and fiddles with the blanket while Hiyori slams the window shut. Then, in what Shin recognizes as generous behavior, Hiyori dials up the room’s heater. Shin tries to focus on that kindness, while his own frantic handwriting flashes in his mind’s eye…
Then Hiyori sits beside him on the couch. “Merry Christmas, Shin,” he whispers in his ear. He hands Shin a small box wrapped in green and tied with a scarlet ribbon.
Shin takes deep breaths. An excuse. Any excuse. “Hiyori…I think I should wait until Christmas Day to open it.”
Hiyori beams. “You’re in luck!” he remarks. He flaunts his watch at Shin—it’s one minute after midnight. “It’s Christmas Day right now!”
Shin shivers and stuffs his hands under the blanket. “I—I don’t feel well. I need sleep. I’m sorry.”
Hiyori keeps holding out his present, but Shin doesn’t take it. “Shin…” Hiyori sets the present between them. Then he leans forward to stroke the blanket above Shin’s hand, caressing the shapes of Shin’s fingers and knuckles. “Don’t do this to me, Shin.”
“Can I trust you?” Shin finally asks.
“Of course you can trust me. I love you.”
Shin breathes in sharply. He jolts to meet Hiyori’s eyes. Hiyori’s smile is as kind as it was on the first day they met.
“You love me?” Shin whispers.
“I’ve been falling in love with you a little bit every day. You feel the same, don’t you? Ever since last Christmas, when I took you ice skating? That's when you knew for sure, yes? I could tell. Your eyes were dazzling.”
Shin hesitates, caught off guard—and nods. Hiyori grins wider.
“You want me to take care of you forever, don’t you? As long as I’m with you, you don’t have to worry about bullies, or capitalism, or the cold. I promise you that, Shin.”
“I want…” Shin’s throat is dry. He swallows. “I want us to be equa—”
“There’s no shame in wanting to be taken care of, Shin. You don’t need to do anything for me. I didn’t fall in love with you because I wanted something in return. You don’t need to work… You don’t need to stress…” Hiyori leans forward until their noses are touching. “Just relax and let me love you,” he whispers.
Shin is lightheaded. The closer Hiyori comes, the dizzier he feels. “This doesn’t feel real,” he manages.
“This is the realest thing that’s happened all day,” Hiyori responds. He suddenly pulls back. “I’ll prove myself to you!”
Shin exhales, realizing he was holding his breath for too long. Then he watches Hiyori pick up the present himself, untie the scarlet bow, and rip off the green paper.
Inside is a small bag of beautifully decorated homemade chocolates. Shin’s heart leaps just to see them. It’s the traditional gift for lovers, and Hiyori clearly spent hours on these. They’re perfectly shaped and dotted elegantly with frosting.
“Oh Hiyori… You would poison me with this?” Shin whispers.
Hiyori laughs. “Is that what this is all about? You’re afraid I’m going to poison you?” Hiyori pops a chocolate into his mouth. “I’ll eat them all myself if that’ll convince you!”
Shin gasps, but Hiyori is unharmed. When Hiyori pops a second chocolate in his mouth, Shin feels a twinge of jealousy.
“Um chtelling chou! Fey’re delishus” Hiyori says while eating a third chocolate. He swallows. “And I worked ridiculously hard on these just for you! Look, I even drew little pink hearts on them!”
Shin’s mouth waters, but he resists temptation. Hiyori shrugs and eats another chocolate. Shin can hardly believe it. He almost wants to stop Hiyori out of fear that Hiyori will poison himself…!
When Hiyori finally eats the last chocolate, Shin cries and hugs Hiyori tightly. “Hiyori!! You actually ate them all! Are you feeling all right?”
“Of course I’m feeling all right. I just ate my delicious chocolate made out of love for you! You silly boy, you didn’t get to eat any of them!”
“You’re not hurt…” Shin forces himself to believe what he’s seeing. However that handwritten note got inside of his jacket, it’s irrelevant now. Shin can trust Hiyori, his savior. “I’m so sorry I doubted you.”
“Well! The important thing is that I won in the end.” Hiyori folds his hands around Shin’s cheeks, pulls their faces closer, and kisses him under the mistletoe.
It is Shin’s first kiss. He responds excitedly, clumsily. While Hiyori holds him gently, slowly guiding Shin’s lips and tongue, molding Shin’s body under his own. Shin adjusts to Hiyori’s pace and calms down in spite of himself. He doesn’t want to look foolish in front of his clearly experienced friend…boyfriend.
When Hiyori lets Shin go, he’s smiling victoriously. “Let’s go to bed, shall we? You can sleep in my room tonight.”
Shin’s eyes sparkle. He doesn’t imagine they’ll be sleeping for a while…
Christmas Eve
9:21 PM
Shin wakes up facedown sprawled on the floor of his living room. Every part of his body aches. He can’t remember how he got here. Did he pass out drunk? He doesn’t drink much. He can’t even buy alcohol legally until next April.
But Hiyori likes to share with him. Is that what happened? Then, why did Hiyori leave him on the floor like this?
Shin feels a trail of drool dripping out of his mouth onto the floor panels, and he shudders. Hiyori will tease him unless he cleans it up. Assuming Hiyori hasn’t already photographed him here…
Mortified, Shin curls his fingers and presses hard against the floor, pushing himself up with all his strength. There’s something fuzzy on the floor between his fingers and curled over his legs, but he ignores that for now. He grunts and sits up, already exhausted. Whatever he was drinking, it really took him out. His head is spinning and his vision is blurry.
There are more strange fuzzy ribbons strewn on the floor. What the hell are they? The next thing he notices is the surprisingly pleasant smell, like pine needles. The apartment usually smells like Hiyori’s weird cooking experiments. Shin waves his hand without thinking and touches something that jingles, and that’s when he realizes.
Christmas decorations. The floor is covered with fuzzy tinsel. He spies a pile of tangled Christmas lights by the sink. There’s even a few stray ornaments dropped here and there. Does Hiyori…expect Shin to decorate?
Shin doesn’t know what to make of it when a sudden soft glow on the floor catches his eye. He reaches for it and his hand collides with an open briefcase. Hiyori must be out of his mind to leave his secret briefcase open! It’s like Hiyori dropped everything on the floor and didn’t expect Shin to wake up.
But Shin is awake. Curiosity spurs him on like nothing before and he rifles his hand blindly through the paperwork in Hiyori’s briefcase. He touches something crinkly and plastic and brings it to his face to investigate.
It’s a small transparent bag filled with homemade chocolates. A traditional gift for lovers. A note is attached with a string:
To my dear little Shin
With all my love, Sou Hiyori
Shin’s heart leaps, but he doesn’t let his stupid emotions get in the way of his investigation. He may never get another chance like this again. He drops the bag and picks up the glowing thing on the floor.
It’s Hiyori’s cellphone. Shin catches his breath.
He glides his finger over the screen and it asks for a password.
This is his chance. Shin knows Hiyori better than anyone else. What could his password be?
Think Shin, think! He wants to hunt through the briefcase for clues, but his head hurts from trying, begging the body to go back to sleep. Shin holds his head with his other hand and breathes in and out, trying to stay cool, but it’s so hard to concentrate…
Hang on, there’s something bizarre about that hand. Shin squints and stares at it. For some odd reason, there’s a black marker doodle of a piece of apple pie on his right wrist, complete with whipped cream on top.
Why…?
Shin distinctly remembers how Hiyori taught him that the English word for “pie” was homonymous with the Greek π, and he types in “314159” into the cellphone.
It opens for him.
The password was that easily guessable? Or, an even better possibility—did Shin already figure this out before blacking out, and he gave himself a clue? Shin smirks and carries on.
He first clicks on the app for text messages. He ignores his own name at the top and scrolls through the many strangers below. People Shin has never heard of before. Friends? Co-workers? Never worth mentioning to Shin. He’s intrigued by the chat labeled “Boss” (his most recent text is asking Hiyori about some missing money), and even more so by the chat labeled “Mother” (Hiyori has a mom?! They were texting this morning?? Her most recent text says “Now go out and serve God”). But Shin first clicks on the name directly below his own: “Michiru Namada.”
Their conversation history is limited to one day, but with good reason.
24/12/20XX
12:01 AM
SH: There. I set our conversations to delete daily at midnight. You’re welcome!
6:00 AM
MN: EEHH?? I HADN’T SAVED MY REPORTS YET!!!! :’’’(
SH: Hm? Don’t forget that you asked me to set our chat to automatically delete.
MN: You’re so meeaann!!
SH: I saved the reports for you. No need to panic, scary lady.
MN: You better have! Or our deal is OFF!!
SH: Michiru. Honey. Babe. Have I told you lately that I love you? Also, you already fulfilled your part of the deal. I picked up your Forgetfulness Medicine this morning! You’re wonderful!
MN: Yes, but you shouldn’t use it without my instructiooons!
SH: Okay? And? They are?
MN: Make sure that you only add ONE DROP of the medicine to the food!
SH: And it won’t work on me, right?
MN: That’s what the vaccine was for!
SH: *thumbs up emoji*
7:00 AM
SH: What if I use something like candy? Can I add one drop to each candy?
MN: Ooo? Yes, but the test subject should only eat one candy…
SH: Thanks darling. Remember: my pet will deliver the package to you at 8:00 PM tonight.
MN: Oooo! And you’re SURE the boss doesn’t know??
SH: He doesn’t know the lengths I’ll go in order to support women’s scientific research.
MN: Yes, I’m sure that’s your exact reason.
SH: I could honestly throw in a few bodies I have lying around too. They’re just collecting dust in the basement now. Michiru, I truly am grateful that you’re lending me your Forgetfulness Medicine. It’s gonna make my job 1000% easier.
MN: Remember to use it sparingly! Don’t turn the candidates’ brains to mush oooooo
11:20 AM
SH: Change of plans. My pet will deliver the package at 12:30 PM to the meeting place.
MN: WHAAAAT?!
SH: You can be there in an hour, right?
MN: Uuuuuuu my life is sufferinggggggg
SH: Right?
MN: …………Yes
SH: Brilliant. Your medicine is working perfectly by the way! I love it! He can eat one candy per hour, right?
MN: Per hour? Per hour??? When did I say per hour???? You made that up!! How many candies has he eaten??
SH: Just two so far!
MN: Uuuuuhglskdfjgd
SH: He’s fine. Don’t worry. I know what I’m doing!
MN: I truly hope the boss never learns of this…
SH: Of course he won’t. I certainly don’t intend to let my phone fall into dangerous hands.
MN: Your pet better be in good shape when he delivers my package… Or else I will have to collect him myself… Fix his brain myself oooooooo
SH: Don’t you dare threaten me, Michiru. You don’t want to talk to my mother.
That’s the end of the conversation.
Shin is shaking. He stares at the words on the phone, unable to move, unable to dig any deeper than the terrible hole he’s already made.
So the reason he can’t remember anything that happened today is because his best friend gave him poisoned candy. Poison that not only made him forget, but could have threatened his own life.
Did Shin really deliver a shady package today? What was it? Are people going to be hurt because of Shin’s actions today? He can’t even remember what he did!
Is ‘pet’ what Hiyori really thinks of him? What if Hiyori was putting on a front for this person, not revealing what he truly feels? Shin lets out a hollow laugh, unable to believe that rosy idea. There was never a chance to be equals in this relationship.
Also, less important, but it stings—the man he has a crush on has been flirting with other women.
Should he investigate the apartment building’s basement…? The ‘extra bodies lying around’ comment was surely a joke! Surely!
Shin snaps to his senses. Hiyori apparently forced him to forget multiple times today. He could do it again. And he could still walk in the room any minute.
Shin snatches a paper and pencil from the brief case and writes himself a note:
DO NOT OPEN HIYORI’S PRESENT
DON’T EAT ANYTHING
GET OUT
He folds the paper and tucks it in his jacket pocket. He already worries that won’t be enough. What if Hiyori finds the paper? Should he write another message on his own body? But Shin won’t know to look under his clothes until it's too late. He’s more likely to fidget in his pocket.
Should Shin run? The front door is right behind him. He could run to the train station and celebrate Christmas Day far, far away from here. Go to an ice skating rink and fall hopelessly in love with someone new. If Hiyori doesn’t catch up. If Hiyori doesn’t find him. If Hiyori. If Hiyori.
Feeling hopeless to escape, Shin picks up the phone again and clicks on “Boss.” Then he types:
SH: i’ve stolen namada’s forgetfulness medicine! please punish me
“Shin? What are you doing?”
Shin clicks “send” and closes the app, breathing heavily. Time is up. Hiyori is already in the room.
Shin tries to stand up and immediately falls back down, groaning in pain. Running was never an option. He’s far too weak in this state.
Hiyori kneels next to Shin, grinning ear to ear. His long smile looks like it will split his face in half.
“Shin! You figured out how to open my phone! I’m so proud of you!” He locks his fingers around Shin’s chin and draws their faces closer together.
Shin glares daggers at his ex-friend. “I know that you’re going to make me forget everything,” he whispers. “So I just want you to know… From the bottom of my heart… I despise you.”
“Hatred is sooo satisfying, isn’t it? I bet you feel great right now! Ooh, I’m so jealous!”
Shin clenches his fists. “You’re not jealous of your pet!” He spits in Hiyori’s face. “I solved your stupid phone puzzle. Before you force me to forget it, why don’t you tell me how you really feel? I want honesty as my reward.”
“Hmmm!” Hiyori tilts his head to the side, considering. Not wiping the spit off his face. “You make a good case, Shin. You certainly deserve something. Why not a kiss?”
“Honesty,” Shin insists.
Hiyori keeps giving Shin the same blank smile. He seems to be thinking carefully. Then he finally speaks.
“Shin, you are my favorite toy in the whole world. I hope to give you a beautiful death someday. Then I can finally cut open your chest and hold your heart in my hands. I feel certain that this will give me greater joy than any other friend I’ve killed. Do you believe that, Shin?”
Shin feels sick. He starts convulsing and he covers his mouth, expecting to vomit.
“I’ll take that as a yes!” Hiyori responds. “Poor Shin, you don’t look well at all. It’s time for your medicine. I don’t think you finished it last time!”
He opens Shin’s mouth and sticks a chocolate inside. Shin struggles. Hiyori sighs.
“You’re a funny boy, Shin. I thought for sure you’d just give up this time. But you always put up a fight…”
Christmas Eve
9:04 PM
Shin wakes up on a bumpy ride. He realizes that he’s been tied to a…sled? And someone is pulling him up a flight of stairs. The stairs to Hiyori’s apartment! And the person pulling the sled up the stairs is Hiyori himself.
Shin isn’t the only thing tied to the sled. There’s also a giant Christmas tree. Its branches and needles stick into Shin’s side. Shin thinks he sees some other decorations too.
This must be a dream. It’s the only logical explanation. Shin is dreaming that Hiyori is like Santa Claus, come to deliver Christmas to his own apartment. Maybe going to wrap Shin as a present to himself.
That could be nice. Maybe this is a nice dream.
“Hiyori…?” Shin asks groggily.
Hiyori freezes. “Shin? Seriously? You weren’t supposed to wake up yet!”
“Because it’s not Christmas yet?” Shin guesses.
A beat.
“Yes! Yes, that’s exactly why!” Hiyori answers.
“I can help…” Shin struggles against the rope on the sled. It’s tied tight. A few ornaments fall off.
“No need!” Hiyori pulls the sled over the stairs onto the floor. Then he sits next to his friend and waves a chocolate over his face. “Look, Shin! It’s homemade! That means I love you.”
“Ah! So this is a good dream after all…”
“Of course it is, you silly boy. Now eat your present and go back to sleep! And STAY that way!”
Christmas Eve
7:33 PM
Shin wakes up in a movie theater with Hiyori’s arm draped around his shoulder. He blinks groggily and glances around the cavernous room—all the seats are empty. The only figures he can make out by the light of the movie screen are himself, and Hiyori sitting next to him. Hiyori pulls Shin tighter to him and Shin blushes.
“I’m sorry. I fell asleep…” Shin whispers.
“It’s all right!” Hiyori says loudly. Well, the theater is empty except for them.
“What movie is this?” Shin asks. He squints at the screen, his vision slowly returning. A woman and man are holding an intense conversation on a snowy street. A quaint lamppost lights the scene. Then the woman stands on tiptoe to kiss the man—this must be some sort of romantic drama?
“You don’t remember?” Hiyori asks.
“I don’t even remember coming here…” Shin trails off. The giant beautiful couple on screen continue making out. “This isn’t the type of movie we usually see together?”
“Do you dislike it?”
“No, I’m just surprised!”
“They’re so in love,” Hiyori says dreamily, gesturing at the screen like he’s giving a lesson.
Shin faces the screen dutifully. The man swears that he’ll protect the woman always. Shin smiles.
Then the woman rips a chainsaw out of her coat and saws the man in half, splattering the screen with red.
Shin shrieks and buries his face in Hiyori’s jacket while the man’s screams and the woman’s laughter flood the room. Hiyori laughs along with her.
“Shin! Ahaha, if only you’d been paying attention, you could have seen that twist coming!”
“So this is your favorite type of movie after all,” Shin grumbles. He peeks at the screen through his fingers. Red snow falls gently on top of mangled body parts. Shin shivers and shuts his eyes again.
After a minute, Hiyori squeezes his arm. “It’s okay. The scary scene is over.”
Shin sighs and uncovers his eyes—
He sees a green present held in front of his face. “Merry Christmas, Shin,” Hiyori says.
Shin gasps. Then he laughs and snatches the present from his friend and starts unwrapping. “Hiyori! You didn’t have to! I don’t even have a present for you...” Shin hesitates, trying to remember. He’s sure that he wanted to give Hiyori something… But what was it?
“You’ve been so busy at your convenience store, Shin. I’m not surprised you forgot. Don’t worry about it. I don’t need anything.” Hiyori stares at Shin with wide, unblinking eyes and an unfathomable grin.
Shin feels sheepish but doesn’t argue. He throws aside the green paper and the red ribbon. He squints to see in the dark theater, and his eyebrows raise when he realizes what it is. It’s a small plastic bag filled with homemade chocolate, a traditional gift between lovers.
“Hiyori?” He faces his friend again, wondering if his feelings are truly reciprocated, or if this is another prank.
Then Hiyori closes the gap between them and kisses Shin on the lips. He’s breathless, excited, ready to devour Shin’s mouth. It is Shin’s first kiss. Shin responds enthusiastically and throws his arms around Hiyori’s neck. Hiyori pushes Shin further down and clunks their foreheads together.
“Ow!” They both pull apart and rub their heads.
“That could have gone better,” Hiyori mumbles.
“It’s okay!” Shin quickly recovers and leans in for another. “We have our whole lives ahead of us to practice!”
“Just eat your present already,” Hiyori says briskly.
Shin is hurt at his boyfriend’s sudden change of tone, but he doesn’t want to fight. And he doesn’t want to watch the screen when a choir of screams is drowning the theater. So he stares down at his lap while eating his chocolate.
Then the screams grow faint and he loses consciousness, slumping back on Hiyori’s shoulder.
Christmas Eve
3:09 PM
Shin wakes up on ice skates hurtling fast across a busy rink.
Other skaters zip out of his way in colorful blurs. Kids yell. Pop music blasts from the ceiling and echoes all around. The white wall at the rink’s end draws closer and closer.
“WAAAAHHH!!” Shin waves his arms in circles like a desperate careening windmill. His legs spread awkwardly and then he trips and the world flips around him.
Then a familiar arm snakes behind his back and encircles his waist tight, blocking his fall.
“Whoa there, Shin!” Hiyori gently lifts him so he’s standing on two feet again. The two men stand still in the center of the rink as the world keeps skating around them interminably. Shin leans against his friend and tries to catch his breath, while his heart keeps racing onward.
“Thank you… Aahh…” Shin pants. “H-how did I get here?”
“We took the bus.”
“No, I mean! I don’t remember anything! What day is it today?”
“Shh, shh.” Hiyori puts a finger over Shin’s lips. The crowd stares at them as they skate by. “No need to shout in a public place.”
“Sorry, I’m just really scared!”
“It’s Christmas Eve, Shin. A day for couples to spend time together, no?” Hiyori smirks and wraps his arm around Shin’s waist again, gently pushing him forward so they skate together. “Match my strides and you won’t lose control again,” he instructs.
Shin blushes and staggers forward. But Hiyori moves slowly and it is easy to follow his footsteps. Finally, they glide together and melt into the rotating crowd. Shin tries to smile but he’s still incredibly nervous.
“Christmas Eve? Was I planning something for Christmas Eve?” He asks out loud.
“I doubt it,” Hiyori answers. “I came up with the idea for ice skating. And I paid for it. You’ve been sooo busy at your job, poor thing, that you haven’t been able to think at all!”
More worries tumble through Shin’s brain. “What time is it? I was supposed to work today!”
“You already worked your shift today. Don’t panic.”
“But I don’t remember! I think I need to see a doctor—!”
Hiyori pulls Shin’s hand up high above his head and spins him in furious circles. “You want to go already? Now? But we’ve only gotten started!”
Shin yelps. He can’t get any more words out as Hiyori spins and spins and spins him around on the ice. He passes Hiyori’s crescent moon grin at least a dozen times. By the time Hiyori stops, Shin can’t even see straight. But Hiyori grabs his back again and keeps skating forward, not letting him rest.
“I’m gonna be sick,” Shin whines.
“You’re being dramatic,” Hiyori counters.
Shin stares down at his feet, struggling to match Hiyori’s graceful strides. Afraid he’s losing his balance, he checks his right arm—then he notices something funny. It’s enough to distract him from his distress, so he takes a closer look at his right wrist. “Why did I draw a picture of a pie on my hand?”
“How should I know? Can’t you just enjoy this moment with me?”
“Hiyori!” Shin rips himself out of Hiyori’s clutches and stands still on the ice. “Will you just listen to me!”
Hiyori slides to an elegant stop. His eyes narrow. “Do you not want my ice-skating lesson?”
“All I want is for you to listen when I say stop.”
“Oh?” Hiyori crosses his arms, pouting.
“Look—of course I want your ice-skating lesson…” Shin skates closer to his friend, careful to keep his balance on his own. Despite Hiyori’s unreasonable behavior, Shin still wants to make this work. He just needs Hiyori to understand how he feels... “I loved your ice skating lessons last Christmas too. In fact…” He offers a flustered smile, and the words spill out like he’s been meaning to say them for a whole year. “In fact, I think that was when I fell in love with you. Or, that was when I realized what my feelings truly were. When you lifted me, and tossed me, and I stuck the landing perfectly because of your teachings, and your patience with me…” Shin touches Hiyori’s hand. “Do you want to try that again?”
Hiyori is still as a statue. His expression is harshly judgmental.
Shin shivers like an icy wave rolled over him, and he pulls his trembling hand back to clutch his own scarf. “I’m sorry. I just—I just wanted to say I appreciate your lessons. I’m very grateful to you. It—it’s okay that you don’t feel the same way about me…”
“Stop it, Shin.”
“Stop what?”
Hiyori leans forward so that the men are at eye-level. “Stop acting like you’re the one in control!” He hisses.
Shin blinks, bewildered.
Hiyori turns around and quickly skates to the rink’s exit. Shin cries out and follows him on unsteady legs. By the time Shin reaches solid ground, Hiyori is already sitting on a bench to take off his skates.
“Hiyori! Please just talk to me and don’t run away!” Shin marches to him, out of breath, emotionally drained.
Then Hiyori pulls out a small transparent bag of homemade chocolates from his coat and tosses it to Shin. Shin catches it and stares at it in amazement.
“What…?” He gapes. Then the Hiyori-puzzle-pieces click together in his mind and finally begin to make sense. “Were you going to confess to me? Is that why you’re upset? Because I ruined it—?”
“Eat your present, Shin.” Hiyori says dully.
“Please, let’s talk about this first!”
“Eat one of your chocolates first. Then we can talk about whatever you like,” Hiyori insists.
Shin sighs. He eats one chocolate.
Then he faints.
Christmas Eve
12:00 PM
Shin wakes up lying on the bench of the bus stop nearest to his work. Alarmed to be sleeping outside like a homeless person, Shin sits upright immediately, breathing fast. He wraps his arms around himself, feeling very cold. He’s never done something like this before. Even when he felt faint at school, Hiyori was always there to care for him. Now he can’t even remember how he got here. Does this mean he’s becoming more frail? Will he have more fainting episodes in the future?
He glances around nervously. It looks like an ordinary, quiet day. Pretty Christmas wreaths are hung on the lampposts. There are a few peaceful clouds dotting a bright blue sky overhead. People wearing long coats cross the street without looking at him. A family leaves the bakery across the street carrying a large pastry in a box. The baker waves her hand outside to say goodbye. Shin starts to calm down. By all accounts, it’s a nice, Christmassy day. Wait, is it already Christmas?
He pats down his pockets and discovers, to his great relief, that his phone and wallet are still there. He also observes that there’s a drawing of a pie on his wrist, but that’s irrelevant. The first important thing he checks is his wallet. It would be horrible if someone stole from him while he slept. Although Shin thinks he already spent his cash on a grocery run—
There are dozens of 10,000 yen banknotes in his wallet.
Shin gasps and shuts the wallet closed. That can’t be real! You don’t simply wake up to find a fortune in your wallet! This must be a dream. He pinches his cheek and opens his wallet again.
The fairytale money is still there. Did someone remove his wallet while he was sleeping, fill it with cash, and tuck it back into his pocket? Surely they didn’t do that out of the goodness of their heart. There must be something sinister afoot. And Shin can’t even remember falling asleep. He feels wretched.
Shin counts the banknotes. 10…20… There’s 100 of them. That’s one million yen stuffed in his wallet. And he has no idea where it came from.
Praying for clues, Shin picks up his phone. It’s 12:05 PM, December 24. The last website he visited was for dessert recipes; that’s unhelpful. He checks his call history and sees that he’s made 3 missed phone calls to Hiyori’s number in the past hour. Then the phone chimes, making Shin jump—he has a new text message from his friend.
When he clicks on the text messaging app, he sees that he’s in the middle of a conversation with Hiyori. One he can’t remember typing at all.
11:43 AM
ST: Hiyori! Please help me! This is an emergency!
SH: I’m in the middle of a meeting. Is this important?
ST: Yes! Please come as fast as you can! I’m at the bus stop by my work.
SH: Is there someone you need me to kill? :)
ST: Don’t joke around! I’ve lost my memories and I’m scared! And I need to show you something!!
12:06 PM
SH: I’m almost there. I see you.
Shin looks up to see Hiyori crossing the street with a giant smile on his face. He spreads his arms wide and waves.
“Here I am! Not to worry. All your troubles are over now,” he announces.
Shin laughs weakly.
“What was it you wanted to show me?”
There’s only one thing that makes sense to show him. Shin pulls out his wallet and hands it to his friend.
Hiyori takes it and sits down beside him. His eyes widen when he sees what’s inside. “My my. That’s a generous Christmas bonus you’ve got there. I take it that’s not your pay from the convenience store?”
“I don’t know where it came from,” Shin whispers. “It was in my wallet when I woke up.”
“You fell asleep on the bench?”
“Yes, and… I lost my memories of how I got here.” Shin’s voice is hollow.
“Really?” Hiyori leans close to stare into Shin’s eyes, as if this will help him study Shin’s brain. “Fascinating. Terrible, but fascinating. You poor thing. Don’t be afraid. I’ll figure this out for you.”
“Where do you think the money came from?” Shin asks.
“Oh, I know where the money came from.”
“You do?!”
“It’s a gift from God.”
Shin blinks. “Are you serious?”
“Absolutely.”
“I didn’t know you were religious… I mean, you always have a logical explanation for everything.”
“They taught us to believe in God at ASU-NARO. That’s the orphanage where I grew up.”
Shin immediately softens. He’s often wondered about Hiyori’s parents—apparently, he didn’t have any. The fact that Hiyori has finally chosen to share something so personal with him must mean that he trusts Shin now. Shin readily accepts the responsibility of being Hiyori’s confidant, just like how Hiyori has always been his. If Shin can repay Hiyori for all the kindness he’s shown him, then Shin would be truly happy. “I didn’t know. I’m sorry.”
“Oh, it’s perfectly fine. It was a splendid place. They even put me through high school, where I met you. So, everything worked out beautifully in the end, didn’t it? You’re my family now.”
“Thank you… I consider you my family too.”
“Obviously! You didn’t even think to call your parents about this, did you?”
Shin laughs darkly. Hiyori got him there.
“I suppose I’m getting sentimental because I’ve just heard that ASU-NARO is struggling financially and might be forced to close in the new year. I don’t know what will happen to those poor children.”
Shin’s heart sways to Hiyori in so much sympathy that he almost forgets his current predicament.
“Anyway, there is no logical explanation for this gift. So it must be God. Can you deny it?” Hiyori asks.
Shin wants to argue, but if even Hiyori can’t explain this, how can he? “I still think some bad person is pulling a trick on me…”
“By giving you a million yen?” Hiyori laughs. “I wish bad people played tricks on you more often then! No, Shin, look! This is clearly a platonic ideal of an ethical dilemma. If a million yen fell into your lap, what would you do with it? Any fancy toys you want to buy?”
There’s only one answer to that question.
“I want to give it to ASU-NARO,” Shin says. “I want to help your home!”
Hiyori gives Shin such a loving smile that Shin didn’t even know was possible. Then he shuts his eyes and leans forward—Shin gasps and shuts his eyes too in anticipation—Hiyori kisses his forehead. When he pulls back, Shin’s entire face is red as a cherry.
“You beautiful boy,” Hiyori says fondly. “You have more kindness in your heart than anyone I know, Shin. You are my angel.”
Shin could melt on the spot.
“I’ll tell you how to deliver it. You’re going to get on the next bus and ride it for three stops. Then you’re going to get off and walk south on Cypress Road. Then you’ll turn east on Green Street. On your right-hand side, you’ll see an alleyway. Walk all the way down the alley and you’ll find my ASU-NARO orphanage. Leave the money in the mailbox…” Hiyori retrieves an empty envelope from his pocket and stuffs the cash inside. Then he hands both the wallet and the envelope to Shin.
While he’s speaking, the bus turns the corner and chugs along the street to Shin’s stop. Right on time.
“Did you understand my instructions, Shin? Repeat them to me.”
“Ride the bus for three stops, walk south on Cypress, turn east on Green, walk down the alley, put the envelope in the mailbox.” Shin repeats dutifully.
“Good boy. Very good boy. After you deliver it, ride the bus down the rest of the line to the amusement park and I’ll treat you there, okay? I have to go back to work now. See you!” Hiyori pulls Shin to his feet and pushes him up the stairs of the bus.
“Okay!” Shin smiles and waves as the bus doors close. He grabs a pole to catch his balance as it rides down the street. After feeling so anxious moments ago, now Shin couldn’t be happier. He’s going to be Hiyori’s hero!
Shin follows the instructions exactly. Even when he steps into the narrow alleyway and it’s dark and there are strange whispers echoing on the walls. Walking down, Shin can’t escape the ominous feeling that there are eyes in every window and they are all watching him. The place gives Shin the shivers, but he holds onto his scarf and marches straight through it. He drops the envelope in the mailbox—and finally runs away.
Ha! Even if the eyes catch him now, he’s victorious! He did it!
It’s only after Shin gets back on the bus that the emotional high starts to dim, newly tainted by creeping anxiety. That all happened so fast. Was it really the best idea to slip a huge wad of cash into a strange mailbox? Shouldn’t he have spent more time thinking about this before throwing the money away?
No… No, he’s just doing what Hiyori said, and he can trust Hiyori. After all, Hiyori clearly trusts him. Right?
Right?
Shin’s nerves spark and crackle like a growing fire in his body. What did Hiyori make him do?
He sits down and texts with trembling fingers. It’s eleven minutes after one.
ST: Hiyori, I did what you said! But now I’m worried. I want to meet the orphanage employees to make sure they got it, and that they’ll use it to help the kids. Can you help arrange that?
Shin sighs and leans back in his seat. That’s a reasonable, inoffensive text message.
Hiyori doesn’t text back. Shin squirms and tries not to panic. After all, Hiyori is at work!
…Right?
Shin wanted so, so badly to believe that Hiyori was telling him the truth about his childhood, and that he was entrusting Shin to a special mission… Of course it was the truth! Hiyori wouldn’t lie about something so important!
Fuck, Shin let Hiyori convince him that it was God who gave him that money. Of all the stupid, stupid things to believe…!
Shin wipes his eyes and hugs his knees. It’s a long bus ride to the amusement park. Shin’s brain won’t stop tormenting him.
…
…
…
2:15 PM
Shin waits by the park gates, bouncing on his heels. He’s texted Hiyori two more times since then. He resists texting again; he’s pathetic enough already… He remembers Hiyori kissing his forehead and calling him “kind” and “angel” and wants to throw up.
“Shin!” Hiyori grabs him from behind, making Shin jump. Hiyori laughs when Shin yells. “Silly boy, it’s just me!”
“H-Hiyori!” Shin spins around and speaks in a strong voice. “Please reassure me that that money will be used for good!”
“Of course it will be used for good. You helped a lot of vulnerable children today. I was just talking to the woman in charge on the phone just now! She was thrilled.”
“Can I talk to her?”
“Why, I’m afraid she’s busy now! But don’t worry about that. Let’s ride a roller coaster together, shall we?”
Shin doesn’t budge. “Please give me proof that you’re not tricking me!” he finally shouts.
Hiyori hesitates. Then he smiles, takes Shin’s hands, and pulls him behind some Christmas trees, where nobody can see. “All right, Shin. All right. I was planning on giving you this in the middle of the park, but you can have it now.” He gives Shin a small green box tied in a scarlet bow.
Shin eyes the box suspiciously and opens it. Inside is a plastic bag filled with homemade chocolates. A traditional gift for lovers.
“I love you, Shin. I would never do anything to hurt you. You can trust me. Eat a chocolate. You’ll feel better. I promise.”
Shin takes a deep, shaky breath.
He wants to believe in Hiyori. He wants to believe in him desperately. If he can’t trust Hiyori, then Shin would be filled with nothing but contempt for himself…
Shin shuts his eyes and pops a chocolate in his mouth. It tastes delicious.
Then his consciousness fades and he falls into Hiyori’s arms.
Christmas Eve
9:00 AM
Shin wakes up in the tiny break room of his convenience store. He’s sitting down with his head on the table. He stands up with a start—he can’t remember coming to work this morning! And yet, here he is, even dressed in his uniform. It’s almost like his store kidnapped him.
But that’s ridiculous.
Before Shin can gather his bearings, his manager swings open the door.
“Tsukimi! There you are! I’ve been looking all over for you!”
“Sorry sir!” Shin squeaks.
“Break time is over. Get back at your post.” The manager points at the cash register.
Shin nods and obeys without another word. Though he spews a million curse words at the man in his mind. There’s already a line of customers at the desk. Plenty of folks want to buy the store’s cheap chocolate for the holiday. Shin puts on his best customer service smile and sets to work.
There’s no time to rest after that. No time to think. It feels like an endless run of customers shopping today. Shin doesn’t feel well, but he can’t afford to slack off. He’ll just have to wait for his next break to call Hiyori and ask him what happened this morning. At one point, Shin steals a moment to feel his bag to confirm that his phone and wallet are inside, but he doesn’t investigate any further under his manager’s watchful eye.
One kid buying some gum asks Shin why he has a drawing of a pie on his wrist. Shin is bewildered where that came from.
An hour into his shift, the door jingles open and Hiyori steps inside. Shin sighs in relief to see a familiar face.
“Hello, Shin!” Hiyori cuts in line to the front, leaving customers grumbling behind him.
Shin ought to tell him to wait at the end of the line, but he doesn’t. He’s been miserable all morning and this is the first good thing to happen to him. He could care less about all the straight people who want their cheap Christmas chocolate.
“Hiyori! I thought you had work today?”
“I do, but I missed you. So here I am.”
Shin’s heart bounces happily. “I’m so glad you came! Hiyori, I’ve been so scared. I woke up in the break room this morning and I couldn’t remember how I got to work!”
Hiyori cocks his head to the side. “Is that so? Curious. I remember walking with you to the bus and seeing you off. But you don’t remember any of that?”
“No…”
“What’s the last thing you remember? Do you remember what you were doing yesterday?”
“Um…” Shin shuts his eyes, thinking hard. Try as he might, he can’t remember yesterday at all. Wasn’t it supposed to be a day off? He probably wasted his time reading on the Internet, but he can’t even picture it. “I don’t…” Shin shivers. “I don’t remember yesterday either. But I think I was working the day before? I remember I came in late and the boss shouted at me…” Shin resents that his last memory is such a stressful one.
“I see!” Hiyori taps his fingers on the desk. “So to sum up: you can’t remember this morning, and you can’t remember yesterday either, but you remember the day before yesterday.”
“That’s right,” Shin says quietly.
“Brilliant. That’s all I wanted to know. It’s a complete success.”
Before Shin can question what he means, Hiyori grabs both sides of Shin’s face, pulls him across the counter, and kisses him roughly. It is Shin’s first kiss, and it is in front of the entire store. Customers gasp. His co-worker whistles. His manager loudly drops a box of soda cans.
Shin pulls away in shock and covers his mouth, red as a tomato. “Hiyori!”
“What? Aren’t you in love with me?” Hiyori smirks.
“Y-yes,” Shin admits. “But you’re going to get me fired! For…indecency or something!!”
“Pshh, they’ll forget about this in an hour, Shin. Trust me.”
“They won’t??”
“It’ll be a lot to clean up, but it was so worth it! Now!” Hiyori pulls out a small green box wrapped in a scarlet ribbon and places it on the counter. “Merry Christmas, Shin.”
Well, there’s no backing out now. Everyone in the store is whispering and watching. Shin hates the feeling of eyes on him, and he wishes Hiyori had waited for a private moment. He thinks to himself that Hiyori must enjoy watching him squirm, but he pushes that thought out of his head. Best to get this over with. He opens the gift—inside is a plastic bag filled with homemade chocolate. A traditional gift for lovers.
Shin stares at Hiyori in shock. “Did you make these yourself?” He asks.
“Yes! It took me all day yesterday!” Hiyori answers while giggling madly. “Now eat one!”
“Tsukimi!” His manager shouts. “Tell your friend to get out of my store, or I’ll throw him out myself!”
“Don’t listen to him, Shin. I’m looking forward to dealing with that one,” Hiyori winks.
Shin doesn’t like the sound of that. “Please leave, Hiyori. I-I’ll eat the chocolates later. Please.”
“Eat a chocolate now,” Hiyori orders.
Shin eats a chocolate. Then he slumps on top of the counter. His vision and hearing become blurry, but he thinks he sees Hiyori tackle his manager while customers scream. They can all fuck themselves.
The store fades to black.
Christmas Eve
6:30 AM
By the time Shin’s alarm rings on Christmas Eve, he is already wide awake. He’s watched the sunlight creep into his room for the past hour. Stretching its long golden fingers over the floor, scratching the walls, clawing the ceiling. Pushing aside dust motes to touch Shin’s chilly hands. Gently caress his cheeks. Kiss his eyes, make him blink. Teasing him, pulling him, wordlessly asking him Why won’t you get up?
Shin doesn’t know how to explain to the beautiful sun that he’s frightened of it. This new day carries the potential to be the best day of Shin’s life, or the worst.
He doesn’t fancy his chances.
But the BRING-A-LING-A-LING of his alarm forces his hand. He sits up, stands up, dresses himself, combs his hair, flushes the toilet, marches through the morning routine like an automaton. Until he adds a new, completely human, final step: before he leaves his bedroom, he picks up a small box wrapped in green paper and tied with a scarlet bow.
It is Christmas Eve, a romantic holiday, and Shin Tsukimi is going to give a present to the man he loves.
His enigmatic roommate, Sou Hiyori.
Hiyori is already sitting at the kitchen table and reading the paper. He leans back with his legs crossed. A bit of ankle flashes between his sock and his pants. That’s a very rare glimpse of skin from Hiyori, who is already dressed in his usual business suit. The teapot on the stove looks warm, and there’s a bowl of miso soup on Shin’s side of the table, waiting for him.
Hiyori drops the newspaper and starts scrolling through his cellphone without looking at Shin standing in the doorway. Hiyori is always so busy, even now. Shin knew that they were both scheduled to work long shifts today—Shin at the convenience store, and Hiyori at his mysterious office. That’s why it was important for Shin to wake up early.
Often, Hiyori still finds time in the morning to fawn over Shin, pull him out of bed, help him get dressed, make sure he eats every spoonful of breakfast. Often Hiyori spends these mornings staring at Shin far longer than necessary with unblinking eyes. It’s hard for Shin to say “no” when Hiyori acts like that, even when he’s uncomfortable…
…But there is another part of Shin that likes to be spoiled. It is a shameful part, but Shin is tired of feeling ashamed. Yes, sometimes Hiyori goes too far—but sometimes he gets it just right.
Over the years of their strange friendship, Hiyori has been like a teacher, or an older brother. Now Shin would like to be more his equal. And he wonders—can he achieve that by becoming Hiyori’s lover?
A teacher or an older brother will always act like he knows best. But a proper lover will respect when his partner says “Enough.”
Shin wants to force the man to view him as a grownup. He strides confidently to the table.
“Merry Christmas!” Shin announces.
Hiyori doesn’t look up from his phone. “That’s tomorrow, isn’t it?”
“But we’ve always given each other presents on Christmas Eve,” Shin answers.
It’s just one more unusual detail of their friendship. Christmas is a romantic holiday, and yet the boys have given each other gifts each year since they met in high school. Hiyori has laughed it off, but Shin has to wonder if he’s reading the signs right. That Hiyori is interested in him in that way…
“Whoopsie! I forgot!” Hiyori replies.
Shin’s stomach lurches. Why does he forget now, of all Christmases?!
“Don’t worry Shin, I’ll make a present for you right now.”
“It-it’s all right. You already made me breakfast—”
Hiyori drops a white envelope out of his sleeve into the palm of his hand. He laughs and waggles it with a loud flapping sound. “Juuuuust kidding! Of course I remembered!”
“You—Hiyori!!” Shin covers his mouth to giggle. Both at Hiyori’s prank, and at himself for thinking Hiyori could possibly forget about him.
“Merry Christmas, Shin!” Hiyori slides the envelope across the table.
Shin gingerly picks it up. The envelope is sealed with a sticker shaped like a red heart. Shin stares at the sticker while his own heart races in his chest. The envelope is thick, and Shin knows that Hiyori likes poetry. Did Hiyori beat him to it…?
He bites the bullet and rips open the envelope—
Inside is a large wad of cash. Dozens of banknotes worth 10,000 yen each. Shin yelps and drops it. “Hiyori!!”
“Think of it as a Christmas bonus for all your hard work this year.” Hiyori returns to reading the newspaper while typing something on his tablet. “You’ve been a very good boy.”
“That’s so much money! That’s so—that’s so much money!!” Shin doesn’t know what to say.
“How much money, Shin? Can’t you count?”
Shin ruffles through the banknotes in a panic. 10, 20…100 banknotes. “That’s one million yen!”
“Well done, Shin! Very good!” Hiyori claps.
Shin blushes in spite of himself. He stammers but nothing comes out. He could take off months from work with this kind of money! And Hiyori can just hand it to him?
“Sometimes I forget how small your perspective is, Shin,” Hiyori yawns.
“I…”
Hiyori’s words sting, but not enough to diminish the glow of his overwhelming generosity. Shin can hardly breathe at the enormity of the gift, which Hiyori dashed off so casually. But surely Hiyori was secretly saving for this?
“Thank you, Hiyori… Um…” Shin grapples for the right words. This is too good to be true… So it’s probably a test. Hiyori must want to see how responsible Shin can be with money. Yes, that must be it. It’s a bummer, especially when he was hoping for something romantic, but he’ll play along with Hiyori’s game. “I’ll put it in a savings account right away.”
“What?” Hiyori’s head snaps up to face him. “No you won’t!”
“I won’t?”
Hiyori finally abandons the newspaper and marches straight into Shin’s personal space. His wide eyes burrow into Shin’s soul. Shin was just wishing for Hiyori to pay attention to him, but now his relief is tinged with regret—Hiyori’s gaze is overbearing and roots Shin to the spot, like a snake hypnotizing its prey.
“Listen to me, Shin. When you’re on your death bed, you’re not going to be thinking, I wish I had more money in my savings account! That’s stupid! You’re going to be thinking, I wish I spent more time with my best friend!” Then Hiyori laughs and grabs Shin’s arm and yanks him forward, making him squeak. Before Shin can say a word, Hiyori starts drawing on Shin’s wrist with a black marker he summoned out of thin air.
“H-Hiyori??” Shin stammers. “What are you doing? Stop it!”
“I’m giving you a reminder, since I’ll be busy at work alllll day today,” Hiyori says. Then he pockets the marker and shows off his handiwork—Shin sees a small, neat drawing of a piece of apple pie on his wrist. “There’s a bakery next to your convenience store. Go there after your shift is done and buy us dessert for tonight. I’m in a mood for pie! Perfect for math lessons. Okay?”
“Ah!” Shin turns even redder. Hiyori is once again acting like he owns Shin’s body, and the proximity makes him feel hot. “I don’t need a million yen for that!”
“I’ll help you spend the rest of your money later. Now excuse me!” Hiyori releases Shin, grabs his coat, and heads to the front door—
“WAIT!”
Hiyori pauses with his hand on the doorknob. When he speaks, his overly cheerful voice is strained, barely masking anger. “Shin, you know I have to go to work.”
“Please, Hiyori, I still need to give you my present!”
“Your present?” Hiyori’s laugh tinkles through the air like a cruel fairy. He finally turns around, a narrow grin plastered on his face. “All right, all right. Go on then. My dear little Shin.”
Shin hesitates. Even though he had been so excited. Does he really want to give his heart to this man?
His legs carry him forward. Shin steels his resolve. Hiyori is kind. Hiyori is caring. Hiyori may have bad moments. But he is still Shin’s best friend. And more than anything, Shin wants to wipe that false grin off his face.
“Hiyori…” Shin offers him the green box. “Merry Christmas.”
Hiyori snatches the box and rips open the wrapping. He pulls out a small bag filled with homemade chocolate. A traditional gift for lovers. A gift that would have taken Shin ages to make and decorate without Hiyori’s knowing, in his own kitchen. He opens his mouth—and croaks. He’s stunned.
Shin has never seen Hiyori look surprised before. He bravely pushes onward.
“I love you, Hiyori.”
“Eh?”
“I—I love you!” Shin grabs Hiyori’s hands, just like how Hiyori had grabbed Shin’s wrist earlier. “You’re the kindest person in my life. You’ve always taken good care of me. I know it’s a lot of work for you, t-to look after me. But you always do it with a smile! And—after we’ve been together so many years—after you’ve always showered me with affection… H-how could I not fall in love with you? You are more than my best friend. You’re the closest family I have. I can’t imagine living without you. And sometimes…! Sometimes it feels like we’re already living like lovers! I’ve noticed that it’s something you like to joke about! So I thought! Maybe I’m not the only one who’s scared? Maybe—maybe you feel even more pressure than me to hide such feelings. I know you have a very difficult job. I know I can’t stop you from working there, no matter how stressful it is. I know you can’t tell me what it is. But I trust you. And I want you to be able to trust me too. I can be there for you, just like how you’re already there for me. I love you, Hiyori. Ah…” Shin gently caresses Hiyori’s cheek. “I love you so much! I…”
Shin forgets the rest of his speech. Hiyori is slack jawed. Shin wants a response first but…even if it would be rude, he can’t resist…!
He stands on tip toe and kisses Hiyori on the lips. Hiyori shudders and Shin immediately pulls back—
Hiyori drops the chocolate and grabs both sides of Shin’s head. He shoves their mouths back together and kisses him passionately. It’s messy. It’s sloppy. It feels like Hiyori wants to eat Shin’s mouth. He bites Shin’s tongue and gets saliva all over his chin. Shin winces and yelps and Hiyori responds by wrapping his arms around Shin’s waist in a crushing grip and dipping him lower to the floor while kissing him deeper. Shin struggles and moans until Hiyori trips and they both fall on the floor. Shin’s head clunks on the hardwood and he sees stars.
It is Shin’s first kiss. It’s an objectively bad kiss. But Shin is over the moon. It was an unguarded, honest kiss that showed Hiyori’s true feelings without a shadow of a doubt.
Hiyori loves him. He loves him deeply. Madly. He loves him like a fool.
They were the same after all. Shin’s positive instincts were correct. All these years, he didn’t have to be afraid!
“Oh Hiyori…” Shin reaches up to kiss him again, but Hiyori quickly stands up and brushes himself off, leaving Shin on the floor.
“Well! That was a deeply moving speech, Shin. Makes me want to cry! Haha! Hahahaha!” Hiyori begins to laugh, and something inside of Shin breaks. “It’s a real shame that I don’t feel the same way about you, and you went through allll that effort, just to embarrass yourself. Hahaha, I’m so glad I’m not you right now!”
“What?” Shin’s throat dries up.
“Thank you for the chocolates, Shin. I’ll enjoy eating them. But tragically, I don’t feel the same way about you. I never have. And I never will. Never, ever. Do you understand me?”
“No…No…” Shin leans on his elbows and roughly pushes himself up into a sitting position. His body aches and his head is ringing. But Shin can’t care about that when his heart is breaking. “S-stop lying. Stop lying, Hiyori. I know you’re lying.”
“Aww, poor little Shin is crying! How horrible, to be rejected by his only friend! How pathetic! I pity you, from the bottom of my heart. I really do.”
“Stop that! S-stop that right now—!” Shin’s voice breaks into sobs. He wipes his eyes furiously. “This isn’t funny! I know you’re lying to me!”
“You’re so cute when you cry! I could watch you cry all day.”
Shin buries his face in his hands so nobody can see him. He tries to force a laugh. He tries to play along with Hiyori’s joke. But he can’t. It’s too hard.
“Cheer up, Shin! You won’t be able to work in this condition! At this rate, I won’t be able to go to work either! I need to look after you until you get better. Poor, pathetic, loveless little Shin.”
“Stop…”
“Wait right there. I have just the thing to make you right as rain.”
Shin hears Hiyori’s footsteps walk away. He takes deep breaths. He can’t bear to live like this any longer. No one can.
The click-clack of Hiyori’s dress shoes approach him again. Then the man’s voice is in Shin’s ear, so he must be kneeling right next to him. “Open your eyes, Shin. I have something for you. It will make everything all right again. I promise.”
Shin slams his fists on the ground and growls. “No it won’t! I don’t want things to get better anymore! I’m leaving!”
As soon as Shin uncovers his face, Hiyori shoves a chocolate in his mouth. He grabs Shin’s chin to force his lips closed. Shin gags and tries to roll away but Hiyori pins him down with his other arm. Shin has no choice but to chew on the chocolate, wishing for this moment to be over…
Then his mind snaps shut and Shin falls asleep.
…
…
…
Christmas Day
8:18 AM
Shin wakes up naked in Hiyori’s bed in Hiyori’s bedroom.
He remembers everything that happened last night. Just thinking about it makes him blush. Though as he stares at Hiyori’s sleeping form, he almost can’t believe it. How did he, Shin Tsukimi, get so lucky? How did all his wild romantic fantasies finally come true?
It’s like a dream. The best kind of dream where everything you ever wanted just happens to you, and you don’t have to work for it at all.
Well. It’s not like Shin didn’t do any work. Actually, Hiyori is pretty demanding, even when he claims to be spoiling Shin. If Shin doesn’t give his best customer service smiles both at the store and at home, someone will get mad at him.
Shin remembers now. That is, he still doesn’t remember what he was doing for the past two days, but he remembers what he wanted. He wanted to become Hiyori’s lover. Was he attracted to the ridiculous man? He certainly admires him. Was he just in love with the idea of love? Maybe. It’s easier to idealize this relationship than to face it head on. But he had a logical reason too. He really hoped that lovers would live together on a more equal footing.
It’s not…that simple.
Hiyori snores. Shin traces the side of his cheek lovingly. How wonderful it is to live in a world where Hiyori snores. Something not even Hiyori knows about himself. Shin smirks to keep this secret to himself…
“Ho ho ho!”
Shin blinks. That wasn’t Hiyori’s laugh? Shin tilts his head to look around the room.
Standing in the doorway is a tall, muscular man in a bright red Santa suit. The man has no face, but there’s a wicked smile scrawled on where a mouth would be. “Good morning, Shin Tsukimi,” he says. “Thanks for texting me last night. Santa needs all the help he can get to find the naughty children.”
Shin has no idea what he’s talking about and panics. He shakes Hiyori’s shoulder. “Hiyori! Wake up! Hiyori!!”
Hiyori snorts and chirps. Then he giggles. “Go back to sleep, Shin. I have the day off.”
“Not anymore.” Faceless Santa grabs Hiyori by the scruff of his neck and swings the naked man over his shoulder like a fireman.
“WaaaAAHH MEISTER! NO! MEISTER PUT ME DOWN!” Hiyori yells and hits the man’s back with his fists.
“Naughty boys don’t get the day off,” the man announces.
“Hiyori!” Shin cries. “S-Santa! Let him go!”
“Sorry about this, Shin.” He tosses Shin a candy. “Nice boys get sweets. Go ahead and eat it.”
Shin glares at the Santa impersonator with righteous fury.
Hiyori finally stops fighting and sighs. “Eat the candy, Shin,” he says dully.
Shin blinks furiously. It’s hard to fight back when Hiyori isn’t fighting for their love either.
So he eats the chocolate and forgets everything.