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When he finally leaves, he takes more emotions with him than belongings, a whole jumble of things that he doesn’t know if he’ll ever be able to fully unravel; hurt, anger, heartbreak, shame, fear. He’s got just his wallet and phone, his laptop, a change of clothes, and toiletries in a backpack. Most of the things in his alleged home aren’t even his anyway, and he doesn’t need much else other than to get away.
When he finally leaves, his first stop is to report domestic abuse. There are statements, medical records, photographs, and a motion for a restraining order. It’s a step he never thought he’d take that he moves through in an almost robotic fashion because this is only the beginning. If he breaks down now, he has no chance of making any kind of progress and surviving.
When he finally leaves, his last stop is on a doorstep he never thought he’d darken again, and he’s glad to be so numb right now or else he’d change his mind.
There are no words when Jared opens the door, only a stunned silence. Jensen can’t even bring himself to look up at the man he was once so close to and any words he’d planned to say die on his instantly dry tongue. He can feel the waves of roiling emotions coming off of Jared and braces himself for the reaction.
“Did he do this?” Jared finally asks and Jensen can almost hear him gritting his teeth. This was a mistake, Jensen thinks and he almost says it and leaves. But Jared steps towards him then to take the backpack off of his shoulder and ushers him into the house, his tone softer when he speaks again. “Come on, come inside.”
He hears the door close behind them and suddenly feels like he can’t breathe. He came here in an attempt to find safety but there’s a rush of too many things at once. The closing of the door sounds official, final, a statement that he made it. He left, he reported, he did all of the work, and he actually made it safely behind closed doors. He can feel the events and emotions of the day catching up to him. But it’s even more than that. He looks around at the house, the familiar rooms and furniture that would feel comforting if this living room hadn’t been filled with tension the last time he was here.
There’s the old faded coffee table they bought from a neighborhood group, the mini fridge from their dorm that they now kept in the living room so they didn’t have to go too far when the game was on, the checkered throw rug beneath the soft gray couch that almost made the place look more like a cheap diner but still feel like a home, and the big bay window that nearly shattered the day Jensen slammed the door on his way out as if that was the final statement and that would be the last time he crossed the threshold. Now here he is again.
They’d started out as friends in college, then roommates, thick as thieves. They’d always prided themselves on being able to show people that an alpha and omega could actually just be friends and even live together without it becoming a Thing. They eventually got this place together after college, knowing they were both reliable and easy to live with. It was a perfect existence having a best friend to come home to and share everything with, no boundaries. There was always a shoulder to lean on when anything went wrong and someone to celebrate with when everything went right.
And then Jensen had met him, the alpha who’d set Jared on edge. Jared was always a support, a wingman who would give him some insight into what Jensen’s latest alpha prospect was thinking or whether it was worth it. When Jensen fell hard, Jared tried to still show support while offering cautious warnings, until those warnings became vehement talk of red flags (“Red Flag” or “RF” even becoming Jared’s nickname for the man), telling Jensen he needed to end the relationship. But Jensen was convinced that this was love, and instead of ending it, he’d agreed to move into the Red Flag’s house.
He and Jared had fought like hell the last time he was here, right up until Jared had told him their friendship was over if he left, and Jensen slammed the door behind him to go live what he’d thought would be his happily ever after.
Only to find out that Jared had been right. The way he’d been manipulated, controlled, separated from everyone who really cared about him. Every time he’d been presented with some gift or compliment to convince him that this was what he wanted, it would always get worse. It kept getting worse right up until this moment, expecting to be claimed and settled by now but instead having lost so much time giving all of himself to an alpha who’d never even claimed him but left him with wounds to report to authorities. So many people still view “omega” as a label of weakness, and Jensen can’t help but feel the weight of that connotation as he stands back here in Jared’s living room admitting defeat.
“Your room is open,” Jared says as if it’s a normal thing to say, and Jensen feels his eyes well up at the thought of his room. He’s also reminded of the fact that he left Jared scrambling for roommates to help pay the rent and feels a whole other brand of shame. “The last person who moved in didn’t stay for very long. I can take your bag in there.” He pauses awkwardly while holding the backpack by the strap. “Are you… Do you… I’m sorry, I guess I just don’t really know what to do next.” He drops the backpack where he stands. “I can see you’re hurt. I know you’re not okay. Just…tell me what you need.”
Jensen swallows hard around the lump in his throat, his mouth feeling even drier. He still can’t look at Jared and he feels like the second he opens his mouth he’ll have a breakdown, but he surprises himself by managing to speak, even if the sound is rough. “I just need a place to stay at least for tonight or until I figure something out. I didn’t know where else to go.”
“A place to stay? Jensen, you came back home. This place is as much yours as it is mine.”
He looks at Jared then, if only because he’s not quite sure he heard correctly, and he’s not quite sure why he doesn’t see the anger or judgment he expected to see in Jared’s expression. “But the way I left…”
There’s hurt in Jared’s eyes then and maybe a hint of guilt as he looks away. “I didn’t mean what I said. I mean I didn’t want our friendship to be over. But he was cutting other people out of your life one by one, and I knew that if you left…”
Foolish , Jensen thinks, the word a dead weight in his chest. Stupid. “You knew this would happen,” he says, motioning to the cuts and bruises on his face.
“I feared worse,” Jared says quietly and Jensen hangs his head and wishes he could just disappear. Because in the moments when those injuries were happening, Jensen had also feared worse.
“Well, there’s your ‘I told you so’.”
“I didn’t say that.” Jared sounds almost offended and Jensen worries they’re about to fight again. “Besides, I was wrong. I was afraid you’d be gone forever, even if just still under his spell and in love with him, but you’re here now, right? You left him?”
Jensen nods. “Yeah. Yeah, I left him. Reported him and started the process for a restraining order, too.”
“Then I underestimated you.” Jared steps forward and Jensen tenses. After all of the humiliation he’s felt it feels odd to hear any of this talked about like it’s a good thing. It doesn’t feel like a victory yet. “I’m sorry,” he says, stopping before Jensen. “For what I said before. And for all of this. You don’t deserve this.”
Jensen closes his eyes at those words, hearing the echoes of old arguments. Jared had told him that he could do so much better, that he deserved better, and Jensen had resented him so much for it. Everything feels like it stings. “I think maybe I should just go to bed,” he says, feeling more drained even as he says it. “It’s been a long day.”
He can feel that Jared wants to say more but instead just says, “Of course,” and picks up the backpack again to lead Jensen to his room. Jensen remembers it all very well and doesn’t need help finding it but it takes such effort to drag himself up the stairs and down the hall that he’s relieved to have Jared carrying his bag - even though it’s light - and close by in case he collapses. When Jared turns the light on and Jensen sees the four pale blue walls and the bed he’d left behind, it feels like he’s traveled back in time and maybe he can just erase all of this and pretend like it never even happened.
“You’re sure you don’t need anything else right now?” Jared asks as he gently sets the backpack down in the corner. “Water? Food? You know where the shower is. Anything?”
Jensen collapses on the bed in answer. “I just want to sleep.”
****
He’s not sure how long he was out but he must have slept soundly because when Jensen wakes up, his shoes are off and on the floor and he’s covered with a blanket. There’s a glass of water and a covered plate on the bedside table where he finds some warm buttered toast and some fruit and he actually can’t even remember if he ate yesterday. He finds moving difficult and painful, even more so when he tries to sit up. He knows this is how it goes, everything stiffening up after finally getting a good night’s sleep and making all of the injuries feel fresh and somehow deeper.
“Oh.” Jared’s in his doorway then with a small bottle in hand. “I was just going to leave you some Tylenol.” Jensen tries to put a braver face on over the pain but knows he fails when Jared rushes over to drop the bottle on the table and help him to move. His hands are a gentle strength as they get Jensen propped up against the headboard in a seated position that leaves Jensen sore and gasping in pain. “Jesus.” Jared’s hands are feeling over his ribs and Jensen knows he can feel the bandages beneath his shirt. “I’m sorry I didn’t realize…”
“Yeah, there’s more you can’t see,” Jensen huffs as he grits his teeth against the pain. He wants to pretend he’s fine and like he can manage on his own but instead, he says, “There are some stronger pain meds in my backpack.”
Jared immediately moves to collect the bag and rifle through it for the small pill bottle, pulling it free and reading the label. “This says you should take it with food.” He grabs the plate off the table and sets it on Jensen’s lap while he sits on the edge of the bed. It would make Jensen feel even more humiliated to have Jared pick up a piece of toast to feed to him but he has to admit his hands are too shaky to do it himself right now. He hesitates before taking a bite as his stomach flips a bit after being empty for so long. “Come on,” Jared encourages. “You don’t want to upset your stomach on top of everything else. Just try a little so you can take the meds.” He allows Jared to feed him the first piece of toast before grabbing the other himself, feeling his hunger now. “I was going to make you more for breakfast, I just wasn’t sure how long you’d be out and didn’t want to leave too much sitting here. I still can.”
Jensen accepts the pill Jared shakes out and the glass of water, downing it and hoping for it to take effect immediately. “I’m sure this wasn’t how you wanted to spend your Saturday morning.”
“I’m not complaining. I’m sure you didn’t want this, either.” Jared’s tone is sympathetic but when they pause and briefly glance at each other Jensen can’t help thinking but you asked for it, even though Jared didn’t say it. He wonders if he ever won’t feel ashamed for getting himself into this predicament. “I don’t mind taking care of you. And I meant it when I said this was your home.”
“Can you stop acting like this is fine?” Jensen snaps, and even he’s surprised by the outburst. His ribs protest it as well and he winces.
“Well, what do you want me to say?” Jared asks, bewildered and frustrated.
“I don’t know, just tell me I’m a fucking idiot, that you told me this would happen, and I brought this on myself. Yell at me, for fuck’s sake, tell me what you really think!”
His voice has gone a little high and watery and his ribs hurt more now. Jared just sighs and shakes his head. “I’m sorry I ever gave you a reason to expect that reaction, but that’s not how I feel now. Seeing you like this?”
Jensen flushes and scoffs. “So you pity me?”
“No! Would you…” Jared pauses and grits his teeth as he collects himself. “Please just stop assuming that I’m thinking anything bad about you, okay? I meant it when I said you didn’t deserve this. You’re not stupid. You were manipulated. You think this doesn’t happen to plenty of smart people every day? Of course, I wish I’d managed to get you to stay, but it’s not like I like seeing you hurt! I don’t think you had this coming because you left that day. If you really thought I’d have such a low opinion of you and treat you like an idiot, then why did you come back here?”
Jensen swallows and looks away. The truth is that he came back here because he knew that out of everybody he’d been cut off from, Jared was the best chance he had for not getting that kind of reaction, even with the fight they’d had. Their bond was one he could never even fully explain. But he still feared that he’d be wrong and still internalized every reaction he’d predicted to receive from the family and friends he’d been made to abandon. “I’m sorry,” he says quietly, fiddling with the fruit on his plate. “I should probably be thanking you.”
Jared sighs. “No, it’s okay, don’t apologize. I can’t even imagine what you’re feeling right now. All I’m feeling is wanting to tear that asshole apart.” His tone goes suddenly lethal and Jensen looks up at Jared in surprise. “If he ever tried to hurt you again…” He trails off and clears his throat as he stands. “Let me get you something more to eat and check out what I have for first aid. If you’ll let me, I can check your bandages and see where you might need new ones and help you get cleaned up.”
He’s gone before Jensen can say anything else. The thought of letting Jared see all the damage that was done makes him anxious, but he would also love a hot shower. He still can’t sort out his feelings over much of anything but he at least feels taken care of for the moment.
****
It’s good that the pain meds have kicked in by the time Jared gets Jensen up and in the bathroom because once Jared sees all of the bruises and lacerations, he’s not even sure how Jensen managed to function the day before. His heart breaks at the sight of it and his fists first tighten with rage before he forces himself to relax and gently change Jensen’s bandages and clean his wounds where needed. He’s not exactly sure what was used on Jensen to cause all of these injuries and he doesn’t ask, not wanting to push Jensen too much too soon. He’s also slow and careful in helping Jensen out of his clothes, leaving him covered where he can and keeping an eye on Jensen’s breathing and body language to know if he’s uncomfortable.
“Think you can manage?” he asks as he pulls back the shower curtain and steps aside.
“I think so.” Jensen shifts on his feet and hesitates. “Can you just stay nearby?”
Jared nods. “Of course. I’ll be right outside. Take your time. And I know we used the waterproof tape, but when you’re done we can make sure those bandages are still holding up.” He steps out of the room and leaves the door cracked and his heart hurts as he listens. He felt terrible every time Jensen flinched and hissed when Jared was cleaning his wounds and he can hear the same as Jensen cleans himself beneath the spray of the shower. His fists clench again and it takes all he has to not put one through the wall. He takes a few deep, calming breaths and re-enters the bathroom to hold up a large soft towel for Jensen to step into when he’s finished.
When he wraps the towel around Jensen he ends up wrapping his arms around him, too, and he’s surprised that Jensen steps into them and drops his head onto Jared’s shoulder. Jared just holds him there for a moment, breathing in the warm soapy scent and just barely managing to keep himself from squeezing Jensen tight when he also smells his fear and pain.
“I wanna go back to bed,” Jensen murmurs against him, and Jared gently rubs his back.
“Alright, let’s go then.”
He doesn’t bother with the few clothes Jensen had shoved into his backpack but helps Jensen into some comfortable clothes of his own and gets him back into bed. He notices Jensen’s phone buzzing then and realizes there’s probably a lot more to do with everything Jensen set in motion yesterday. But he can already see Jensen’s eyes closing and he simply plugs the phone in to make sure it stays charged for later.
He can’t lie to himself and say that Jensen showing back up here hasn’t completely rocked him. But he’s a flurry of conflicting emotions. He’s happy to have Jensen back but not under these circumstances. He feels guilty for both the things he’s said in the past and the things he didn’t say that he probably should have, but now also isn’t the time. He wants to do everything for Jensen but also doesn’t want to scare him off.
But he supposes that what he does feel the most right now is an immense relief. He really had thought that Jensen had walked out of his life for good, and while it hurts to see Jensen so hurt, there’s a part of him that feels like he can breathe again after suffocating through so many days of thinking he’d lost his best friend.
****
It’s surprising even to Jensen that he gets so comfortable so quickly with Jared taking such close care of him considering what he’s been through, but things were always so easy with Jared and it seems that actually hasn’t changed as much as he’d feared it would. The house starts to feel like home again, at least enough so that he feels safe and at ease here even amidst the flurry of calls and appointments dealing with the consequences of reporting the Red Flag. He’s of course becoming more independent as he heals but the healing is slow, and he’s happy to have Jared be so attentive to his needs.
He curses when he feels his heat coming on shortly after coming home. It couldn’t come at a worse time while he’s trying to heal and get on with his life escaping an abuser. He hasn’t mentioned it to Jared yet and it seems an odd subject to bring up. He knows Jared would understand but it feels somehow impolite to imply any kind of wariness of Jared when all he’s done is take care of Jensen, and Jensen’s heats were never an issue when they lived together previously. Though he supposes politeness is part of how he ended up trapped with the Red Flag, who Jensen now agrees doesn’t deserve an actual name. Fuck politeness.
Before he can even bring it up to Jared, he spots something new in the medicine cabinet in the bathroom. He’s been keeping his remaining pain meds there for when he needs them and while he’s not in the habit of snooping through anything Jared may have in there, the new bottle catches his attention and gives him pause. If the label is what he thinks it is…
He turns the bottle a bit in its space on the shelf and confirms that it’s a bottle of rut suppressants. There’s a warmth in his heart then, something telling him that this is the kind of relationship he wants to keep in his life.
When he finds Jared downstairs sitting in front of the TV he sits down next to him and watches the screen as he says, “I wanted to mention I think I’m going into heat soon.”
“I know,” Jared says, muting the TV and turning to Jensen. “What do you want me to do?”
Jensen can’t help smiling at him a bit. “Seems like you’ve already started preparing. I’ve never known you to use rut suppressants.”
Jared flushes and shifts in his seat a bit. “I never have. I’ve never needed to. But I just didn’t want to take any chances this time, even with myself. I thought that way I could still stick around to take care of you in case you need anything, but if you’d be more comfortable with me finding somewhere else to be…”
He remembers them doing that a couple of times before, either Jensen simply holing up in his room or Jared finding somewhere else to be. But most of the time there was enough trust between them to live in the same space and still keep their boundaries. They were strong enough friends for that, aside from those occasional heats where they suddenly felt like it was too much to fight in person and they needed to separate. He remembers one of those times being shortly before he left when tensions were so high in these rooms. Even then, even when they were pissed at each other, he could still trust Jared to control himself enough to not take advantage of his heat without the aid of rut suppressants. Jared opting to take them now after the abuse Jensen’s suffered is a gesture bigger than almost any he’s ever received from someone. He has to admit that it’ll be nice to not even be triggered by the smell of an alpha’s musk even if Jared can fight his instincts.
“You can stay,” Jensen says.
The next day he wakes up sweating and clawing at the sheets, hard and slick. Where Jared’s often left water, meds, and food as Jensen’s been recovering, he’s now left a knotted dildo. The knot is subtle for easy removal but enough to get through a heat. He supposes some might think it’s weird that they can talk about and do these things for each other without it being intrusive, but they’ve just always been open about the simple facts of what their bodies go through, and this is another gesture that Jensen appreciates. He groans and strokes his cock a few times before reaching down further between his legs to finger himself, moaning when he can immediately slip two in through his slick. He’s whining and writhing on three in no time and grabs for the dildo, spreading his bent legs wide and pushing the tip inside himself, grunting and clenching before slipping the dildo in further. He starts panting and getting off on the wet noises of him fucking himself, cock twitching over his belly as he tries to keep a rhythm and press in deeper. His ribs protest his heaving breaths and more enthusiastic movements but he keeps going, moaning louder when the knot hits his rim. He uses his free hand to stroke his cock again as he shoves the knot inside and comes over his fist. He whimpers and leaves the toy in as he jerks through the aftershocks then gently slips it free while he’s still stretched and soaked, gasping as he does.
When he goes to clean himself up he does so and then gets Jared’s help redressing one of his wounds. There’s no wariness or tension and nothing weird about their circumstances. He’s taken care of and goes back to his bed to continue taking care of himself with no scent of a hormonal alpha in his nostrils, and he couldn’t be more grateful.
****
There’s time enough for Jensen to heal and for the restraining order to be in full effect. Jensen is free and Jared couldn’t be happier for it. It’s been a long road that’s also troubled them both, never sure if RF would act out all the worse for being acted against, but it seems now that they’re home free. It’s one large victory down, and several small wins to go.
“You should call your parents,” Jared says one day, and it doesn’t quite catch Jensen off guard. Jensen’s been working on reconnecting with other local friends he’d had prior to walking out on everything. They’d had a lot of the same friends and acquaintances before Jensen left and Jared is there where he can be to help bring him back into the fold. It isn’t always easy and he knows that Jensen battles a lot of internalized feelings and expectations about what the others think about him after what’s happened. But he’s been watching as the tension slowly wanes from Jensen and more smiles grace his features with the more positive interactions he continues to have. He’s getting his life back and his flesh and blood family is the last obstacle, and arguably the hardest.
Jensen sighs. “Do you know what it’s like to leave home to go to school out of state and keep telling your parents you’re fine and know what you’re doing while they keep telling you someone is no good for you, just to crawl back to them and tell them they were right?”
Jared sighs with him in sympathy. “No, I don’t.”
“Just their rebellious idiot son who got what they expected.”
“Hey!” Jared stops just short of scolding Jensen but he does wish he could somehow help him to stop thinking so poorly of himself. But it’s an uphill battle that Jensen is actually fighting surprisingly well, considering. It will just be slow progress; baby steps. “You’ve given everyone else a chance and it’s gone well. I’m sure they’d like to know that you did take control of the situation and turn it around for yourself. I’m sure they’d like to know that you’re safe.”
Jensen considers this for a moment before shrugging. “Yeah, maybe.” It’s a start and Jared doesn’t push any further. But he finds out it worked later when Jensen is all too happy to go out to the bar with their friends to celebrate being a full-fledged human with a family again, Jared paying for a couple rounds of shots. There’s a moment that feels just like the old days with Jensen making fun of him for the round of peanut butter whiskey, then enthusiastically downs it and grins with excitement.
He doesn’t even realize that he’s been lost in his own grin with eyes only for Jensen until their friend DJ elbows him and snaps him out of it. “I take it you haven’t told him yet?”
Jared looks back at DJ feeling very warm, pretty drunk, and a little confused. “Told him what?”
DJ looks at him like he’s stupid, which Jared does kind of feel right now. “That you have feelings for him.”
While he’d thought he felt warm he now flushes hot, cheeks red as he shushes DJ. “Not now, man. He’s just getting back on his feet, he doesn’t need any more drama.”
“He already left the drama,” DJ comments but lets it go, leaving Jared with his heart hammering in his chest until he calms down and has another drink.
****
There’s one moment before they leave the bar that night that Jensen feels like he should’ve been too drunk to remember, but he does. One moment where he’d clearly had too much but was giddy with relief and freedom, the group of them scream-singing along to some song blasting through the place until he literally fell into Jared who held him up with a soft grin. And then their faces were so close, Jared’s lips mere inches from his, Jared’s hands strong on his arms.
It was just one moment that was quickly broken by more drunk shenanigans and laughter, but it was enough to have Jensen here now, lying in bed wide awake and wondering if he has feelings for Jared. He can’t deny that he’d felt a spark being that close to him, being held by him, a safety net he can always count on, even when he storms out in a rage and almost leaves for good. But it’s not just the history, it’s the feeling, maybe the instinct, or maybe the right word is just chemistry. He doesn’t think he can blame all of that feeling on just the alcohol, and it feels much more natural than the twisted game he’d been caught up in with RF.
He doesn’t sleep much that night, wondering if there’s any chance that what he and Jared have actually is more than friendship, despite that that’s what they’ve celebrated about their relationship for so long.
Maybe he’s just falling too quickly for the person who treats him the best after his last harrowing experience. Maybe he just wants to be loved and he’s interpreting Jared’s actions in that way. Maybe they didn’t have a moment.
But what if he’s wrong? What if this is right, and Jared is his alpha?
****
It’s long after Jensen’s more stable in his confidence and finally straying from his own self-loathing, repaired his relationships, and starts supporting himself again, that he wanders into the kitchen in sleep pants and a t-shirt and drops a bottle down on the table before sitting across from Jared just finishing his breakfast. The sun is just slanting over them through the window, both it and Jensen warming Jared and helping him to wake up further.
“You know, if you wanted to stop taking these suppressants, I think it’s safe for you to do it. You don’t need to keep that up for me. I know I’m okay here with you.”
Jared pauses with anxiety suddenly twisting in his gut. He’s been wanting to confess his feelings to Jensen but is also afraid to, and not taking the suppressants would make his simple attraction to Jensen that much clearer. He wouldn’t be able to control every physical reaction, every scent, and hint of what he wants even when neither of them is in a heat or rut. He’s also still not entirely sure of everything Jensen went through, which makes either confessing anything or letting his body give him away that much more complicated. “You are okay here,” he reassures because regardless of the situation, he knows he would never hurt Jensen. “But are you sure you wouldn’t mind the scent of another alpha’s rut?”
There’s a hesitation in Jensen and Jared just waits patiently. They haven’t talked about the details regarding the Red Flag and he would never pressure Jensen to tell him anything. But Jensen opens up, though he doesn’t make eye contact. “I wasn’t exactly hurt sexually, so I think I’d be okay. In the beginning, it would still have triggered me just because that scent still meant physical violence. Even if he didn’t rape me, he still seemed to really enjoy beating the hell out of me. But sexually it was different, it was more like just…being used? And in a sense that I didn’t even realize at first. Just like I didn’t realize he was bad for me at first.” There’s a bit of that old shame creeping into Jensen’s expression but he keeps it at bay. “It was more things that just added up over time that I realized were a problem once the beatings started. Just not reciprocating, not caring. It’s like you think it’s good and that he loves you at first just because he gets off on you so easily and he knots you, and maybe he even promises he’ll take care of you later. But then later never comes, and instead of you coming, you just end up with a black eye. And of course after everything he never even claimed me.”
It takes Jared a moment to realize that Jensen’s stopped speaking and is looking at him with a raised brow as he sniffs at the air between them, because suppressants or no, Jared can’t help the scent coming off of him now as he fumes. He’s furious with his fists clenched under the table, seeing red at the thought of Jensen being treated like that. And he feels familiar words just on the tip of his tongue. “You deserve better.”
He regrets it almost as soon as he says it. Not because it isn’t true but because those words came up so often in their arguments before Jensen left home, and he can see Jensen steel himself against them. “Yeah, you’ve always made that very clear.”
“I don’t… I’m not…” He really doesn’t want to argue with Jensen, not after everything. But now everything he’s felt bubbles up in his chest and he has to say it. “When I said that the day you left, there was something else that I wanted to say but didn’t.”
Jensen scoffs and then tries a lighter laugh to defuse the situation. “I find that hard to believe. What else could you possibly have not said to me?”
Jared swallows and he feels too warm and is nearly shaking, but it’s now or never. “What I really wanted to say to you and almost did was that I would treat you better. That you could be with me and I would make you happy. And every day after that I kicked myself for being too much of a coward to say it because I thought that maybe if I did, you wouldn’t have left. Maybe if I did, you wouldn’t have had to go through all of this fucking abuse and suffer just because I was too afraid of screwing up our friendship and how proud we were of being alpha/omega roommates and nothing else.” He stops and swallows, closing his eyes and collecting himself, just realizing now how guilty he’s felt for all of this. But then he runs a hand through his hair and sighs as he shakes his head. “But then maybe that’s too arrogant. That I would think you would just immediately fall for me and that would stop you.”
The room is quiet and Jared can barely breathe and definitely can’t look at Jensen. He braces himself for the possibility of Jensen leaving the room, maybe even packing his things. Instead, Jensen’s voice is gentle when he says, “It wouldn’t have stopped me. Because nothing would have stopped me. Hell, I might have even just been convinced you were grasping at straws trying anything at all to get me to not go be with the love of my life. I wouldn’t have believed you and it wouldn’t have been enough because I believed him. This is just one of those things where the only person who could help me and get me out was me.”
“And you did.” Jared can’t focus yet on where Jensen might go with the confession of his feelings but he needs to remind Jensen of that. “You got yourself out and you should be proud of that.”
“Yeah, baby steps,” Jensen says sadly but with a small smile. But then the smile fades. “I’m so sorry I left you like that and I never knew how you felt.”
“You don’t have to be sorry.” Jared shakes his head because this isn’t on Jensen. “It was up to me to tell you and I didn’t. And I’ve still been scared to tell you now because I wasn’t sure how you’d feel about it or if you’d leave again. But then I also thought I’d lost you before without ever taking the chance to tell you and that…” He trails off and looks down at his hands. “Now that seems worse. I know how that felt and you know they always say to tell people how you feel about them when you can. I don’t think I could live with myself if I never said it.”
Jensen takes a deep breath. “So you were just going to keep taking suppressants if we didn’t talk about it? Not just come off of them and try to find someone else?”
Jared shifts uncomfortably in his chair because it feels like too big of a thing to say but he says it anyway. “There isn’t anyone else.” He takes a shaky breath. “But since you’re okay and we’ve talked about it, I’ll stop taking them.”
The silence unnerves him but he’s also afraid of what Jensen might say next. “Good. I wouldn’t want you to keep doing that just for me. We both deserve to be free.” Jensen pauses again and his tone is soft and gentle when he asks, “Can I try something?”
Jared looks up at him curiously and gives him a nod. “Yes.”
Jensen’s expression is still a little guarded but bordering on hopeful. He’s slow to get up from his chair but he does it and makes his way over to Jared’s, pushing it out a bit so Jared’s facing more towards him instead of the table. Jared’s heart pounds in his chest as Jensen straddles him and settles in his lap, just a breath away from him now, long lashes lowering as he leans in for a kiss.
The first brush of Jensen’s lips against his is so soft and brief, a curious meeting that Jared now recognizes as Jensen testing how it makes him feel to be like this with Jared, the alpha he was so proud to flaunt as a best friend, seeing if there are sparks. Jared swears that time stops even as his blood seems to be sprinting through his veins and then Jensen presses against him more insistently and they open up together, the briefest touch of tongues before Jensen gently pulls away. Jensen’s eyes are bright as he looks down at Jared, his cheeks flushed and his lips reddened, and he seems breathless already. Jared knows the feeling. “You’ve always taken such good care of me,” he says with such love in his tone that Jared’s whole body floods with relief followed by euphoria and heat.
“I want you to be happy,” Jared says as he grabs onto Jensen’s hips and to his surprise, Jensen’s hips start moving against him. He realizes they’re both hard and picks up Jensen’s sweet scent, watching as Jensen’s lips part and he moves with more vigor. “I want you as my omega.” He grabs at Jensen’s ass to encourage him as he arches and grinds harder against him, over his dick, panting hard. He kisses Jensen’s jaw, and his neck. “I want to mate with you, make you feel good.” A breathy moan in his ear, Jensen’s hands gripping the back of the chair behind him, Jared’s cock stiff under Jensen’s writhing body. “I want you to come,” Jared whispers against Jensen’s skin and he can feel Jensen tense. He kisses and licks over the curve of Jensen’s neck to his shoulder and says, “I want to claim you.”
Jensen jolts against him and comes moaning with such release, and this is how Jensen should be treated. Jared can smell it, looks down between them to see the mess made of Jensen’s sleep pants, and he keeps his grip on Jensen’s ass to push him down and grind up against him. Jensen lifts his head and looks down at him, pressing their foreheads together to breathe in the same space as Jared whines and shivers, not wanting Jensen to feel used again. But Jensen just breathes, “It’s okay,” against him with a hand on his chest and Jared keeps moving until he comes in his own pants, Jensen easing him down from the high with gentle kisses. “My alpha. I’d be honored for you to claim me.”
Jared feels like his head is swimming, like he can barely comprehend everything that’s happened and the turn the morning has taken as he catches his breath. “I’m as much yours as you’re mine.”
****
Dry-humping aside, Jared leaves Jensen alone during his heat, the bedside table once again topped with snacks, water, and the knotted dildo. Jensen’s not sure if he’s grateful or frustrated, whining as he wakes up sweating and hard again, knowing that he has an option for an alpha who wants him in the same house. He can even smell Jared from here, a rut to match his heat. But as much as they’ve admitted their feelings for each other and as out of his mind with need Jensen feels, he supposes Jared’s right to keep away. They shouldn’t rush into this too fast or only because of hormones.
Jensen grunts and claws at the sheets, hating logic at the moment, then grabs for the dildo before he can start calling for Jared anyway. Somewhere in his brain, he registers that the rut suppressants Jared took were never necessary if he’s capable of restraining himself now, and as he slips the dildo inside, he thinks about sitting in Jared’s lap with Jared’s hands on his hips, that hot breath on his ear murmuring only the things he wants for Jensen. He whimpers and shoves the knot up against his rim when he thinks about Jared’s erection beneath him, how big he’d felt even then, and he arches and moans when he thinks about Jared inside of him, knotting him, claiming him.
He shoves the knot inside and comes clenching around it, and somehow as he comes down and catches Jared’s scent again, he’s sure that wherever Jared is in the house he just came, too. It makes him shudder and clench again until he pulls the toy free and lays on the bed panting.
It’s odd when emotions suddenly hit him, memories he doesn’t want suddenly coming to the surface. He supposes it’s because he’s wishing Jared was here knotted inside him and holding him that he remembers still feeling cold even while connected to RF, some sort of intimacy missing, sometimes still hard and not satisfied when the alpha would already be asleep behind him. He swallows against a lump in his throat as he realizes now just how wrong it all was and how he could have had Jared this entire time.
A soft knock sounds on the door and Jensen turns his head to see Jared just crack the door a bit to peek in without seeing too much, concern etched on his features. “Hey. I’m sorry, I just… I sensed something, and I wanted to see if you were okay?”
Jensen blinks a few times trying to decide how to answer until he decides to just be honest. “Not really.”
Jared opens the door a bit more and holds up a small washcloth to offer and Jensen nods, Jared tossing it to him. Jensen cleans himself up and wraps the toy in the cloth, setting it clean side down on the bedside table and slips beneath the covers. He’s not entirely sure why they’re still being somewhat chaste in these moments but he still appreciates it. It’s actually still a comfort and a nice transition to a relationship with a better alpha.
It’s not until he’s tucked beneath the covers that Jared opens the door wider and comes in, settling on top of the sheets next to Jensen, arm slung over him. “What is it?”
“Bad memories,” Jensen murmurs, and Jared reaches up to stroke his cheek. He swallows again and squeezes his eyes shut, feeling that damn shame again that he’s tried so hard to get past. “Sometimes I still just feel so stupid. And now I feel like I wasted so much time.”
Jared kisses his forehead and moves even closer, half on top of him with the sheets between them, a gentle weight and warmth. “You don’t have to feel that way anymore. I know it’s easier said than done, and you might still have these moments. But it’s all over now. And you can still make new memories and use all this time you have now. I know it still feels like it matters, but if you ask me, it honestly doesn’t.” Jensen looks up at him and sees calming hazel eyes and takes a deep breath. “It’s over.”
Jensen reaches up to cup Jared’s cheek, the realization that he’s fallen in love with his best friend suddenly hitting him full force with the way Jared’s looking down at him now. He lifts his head from the pillow and pulls Jared in for a kiss, just that soft press of lips like their first one. He feels warm and slick again and opens up for Jared who flicks his tongue against Jensen’s and then groans and pulls back, breaking the kiss even though Jensen can already smell that musky alpha scent. “I shouldn’t. Not when you’re-”
“I’m fine,” Jensen says, cutting him off, even though he can’t disguise his body’s reaction and the obvious heat still flowing through him. “I mean, sure, I’m still feeling this heat, but I already took care of myself once, and I’m not out of my mind.” He smiles a little as he teases, “Are you?”
Jared laughs and Jensen loves the sound. “Does having you naked under these sheets drive me crazy? Absolutely. But no, I’m not.”
“Okay, so we’re not just raging bags of hormones, and we’re of sound mind,” Jensen agrees, booping Jared’s nose with the tip of his finger. “I appreciate the chivalry, but consenting adults and all that jazz.”
Jared smirks and lifts up off of Jensen, moving to straddle him and pull his shirt off over his head. Jensen hardens and his heart races as he looks up at Jared’s muscled torso, his hands moving to rub over Jared’s thighs, eyes eventually settling on the obvious bulge in Jared’s jeans. He licks his lips and feels himself getting even wetter, his cheeks flushed as he moves his right hand to cup that bulge, gently rubbing over it. Jared’s lips part on a loud exhale and when Jensen looks up, he sees that Jared’s eyes are dark with want, his scent growing stronger.
“Go ahead, omega,” Jared encourages in a low growl and Jensen whimpers, hole already clenching as his fingers fumble with Jared’s belt, his zipper, boxers, moaning when he finally exposes Jared’s hard cock. He reaches for it, but Jared grabs his wrists and stops him. “I can smell how wet you are,” he murmurs before moving off of Jensen to stand and discard his clothes completely. He grips his cock himself and Jensen can’t stop looking at how those big hands and long fingers frame it perfectly. But his gaze is brought back up to Jared’s eyes when Jared asks him softly, “Do you still want me to claim you?”
“Please,” Jensen answers, feeling desperately in heat again at the thought of it and wanting nothing more than for the nightmare to be over. Somewhere in his brain he knows things don’t really work this way, but a part of him feels that Jared claiming him will somehow erase everything that’s happened, or at least put it to rest. All that time of being used and discarded forgotten because Jared wants him. He moans and touches his own cock beneath the sheets, thrusting into his hand and clenching again. “Alpha, please.”
Jared pulls back the sheets to expose him and he doesn’t care how messy, how wet, how desperately writhing he is now beneath Jared’s gaze. He surges up against Jared when Jared’s suddenly on top of him again, mouthing at his neck, moving down and letting his teeth slip over one of Jensen’s nipples before flicking his tongue over it and gently sucking. Jensen’s taken aback by how good it feels, mouth falling open on a surprised moan because RF never gave him anything like this. RF certainly never went any lower like Jared’s doing now, taking Jensen’s cock in his mouth and moaning around it. Jared’s not even inside him yet and Jensen’s already louder than he’s ever been.
“Such a beautiful omega cock,” Jared breathes when he pulls off and then licks up the shaft before slipping two fingers into Jensen’s slick hole. Jensen takes them easily, already pushing back on them and Jared growls low in his throat. “Forgot you already got off on that toy. And you’re so fucking soaked for me.”
“Alpha,” is the only thing Jensen can manage to say at the moment and he expects Jared to flip him over, but then Jared’s on top of him again and between his legs. He’s reaching down to position himself and Jensen instinctively lifts his legs and wraps them around Jared, Jared moaning with him as the alpha presses inside and fills him completely, so much more satisfying than the toy or anything else Jensen’s had.
“Mine,” Jared murmurs against him, thrusting hard and making Jensen yelp, sending sparks of pleasure up his spine. “Say it,” Jared demands, thrusting again, and Jensen claws at the sheets.
“Yours,” he pants, looking up at Jared as he clenches, feeling satisfaction when Jared’s lips part on a low groan. “Only yours. Mark me, alpha.”
Jared kisses him then, teeth nipping at his bottom lip for a hint of what’s to come. He sets a fast pace, hips snapping hard against Jensen’s body, that impressive length hitting deep every time, and Jensen can barely keep up, fingers biting into Jared’s biceps, his shoulders. For how loud he was, it’s all Jensen can do now to catch his breath, eyes rolling back as he clenches and shivers, cock spurting precome on his belly.
“So fucking tight, omega,” Jared growls when Jensen clenches again. “You’re gonna come for me, aren’t you?” Jensen can only whimper as he feels his body tense but then Jared is pulling out and turning him over, entering Jensen again slowly. “I want you to come,” Jared says, moving inside Jensen with more control now and reminding him of what he’d said when Jensen came in his pants in Jared’s lap. He shudders, all focus on Jared’s cock moving inside of him and hitting that sweet spot. He gasps when he feels Jared’s knot touch his rim and nearly comes then, his body shaking. Jared’s breath is ghosting over his ear, shaky as his knot presses the rim again, and Jensen nearly short circuits with the knowledge that they’re both so close to coming. “I want to claim you,” Jared chokes out, voice breaking, and Jensen comes as Jared’s knot shoves past his rim and pulses inside of him, Jared’s teeth sinking into his neck as he rides out his orgasm.
Jensen feels like he can’t stop shaking once he starts to come down from the high, shivering with a chill now like some fever has broken. “Alpha,” he moans and Jared gently shushes him, somehow managing to get them both covered up and on their sides. He’s got Jared’s arms around him, Jared’s knot inside him, soft kisses being pressed to his skin, and he starts to calm down into a satisfied warmth.
“I always take good care of you, don’t I?” Jared says in a soft, sleepy tone. “I always will.”
****
Waking up in Jared’s arms is an entirely different experience than what Jensen’s experienced before. There’s no sense of false love-bombing and no sense of indifference. There’s Jared wrapped around him and holding him close, tight, possessive. There’s Jared’s soft breathing right over the bite mark he left, hovering just like he belongs there.
The only small problem is that Jared has always run hot, so Jensen’s beginning to feel a bit like he’s too close to a furnace, but luckily Jared stirs behind him. He feels a gentle squeeze and then Jared murmurs against his skin, “Omega,” as if he’s just remembered upon waking that they’re finally official. It makes Jensen’s heart swell in his chest to hear it.
“Coffee,” Jensen replies after a moment, smirking and getting a pinch on his arm in return.
“Way to ruin the moment,” Jared teases, stretching behind him and yawning. “I see where your loyalties lie.”
“With caffeine? Absolutely.”
“Breakfast?” Jared asks as he sits up in the bed. “Eggs? Bacon?”
Jensen rolls onto his back to look up at him. “Yes to all of that. In bed?”
Jared leans down to kiss him and growls playfully, “How else would I fuck you after?”
“You can fuck me anywhere,” Jensen answers, feeling a thrill and enjoying the flirting. It’s much more freeing than wondering if he’s doing the right thing to please his alpha.
“And I will,” Jared promises as he gets up from the bed and grabs his boxers off the floor to slip them on. “Right after I pee and get you breakfast and coffee.”
“Wash your hands!” Jensen calls after him as he walks out the bedroom door, and Jared comes back to peek his head in.
“Are you really that concerned about my germs after last night?”
He understands the implication and the joke but Jensen just keeps straight-faced as he blinks at Jared. “You weren’t peeing last night.”
Jared’s eyes twinkle with mischief as he nods thoughtfully and says, “Right, no golden showers then,” before he disappears again.
Jensen grins and stretches in bed, comfortable in the sheets until he smells coffee and breakfast and then he manages to get his own boxers on and head downstairs, following his stomach. “I couldn’t wait for you to bring it to me,” he says when Jared turns from the stove to raise an eyebrow at him. He sits down at the table where there’s a hot mug of coffee already waiting for him. “Oh, God bless you,” he murmurs, picking up the mug and closing his eyes as he takes the first sip.
“That’s right, bow to me,” Jared says, plating breakfast and bringing that over to Jensen, too. When he sets it down, Jensen stares for a moment. There’s bacon lining the edges of the plate surrounding a circle of scrambled eggs that leaves a hole in the middle. “Om-egg-a. Get it?”
Jensen slowly lifts his gaze to the man who’s grinning down at him and wiggling his eyebrows. He points to his mug. “You might wanna let me finish a whole one of these before you start busting out jokes like that.” Jared just chuckles that actual “ha-ha-ha” laugh that Jensen’s grown to love. “What, is yours in the shape of an A?” he asks sarcastically, and Jared goes to grab another plate.
“Well, since you’re so curious…” Jared drops his own plate down on the table and Jensen sees a plate full of scrambled eggs with bacon on top of it in the shape of an A.
“Oh my God, you’re a child.”
“And you’re grumpy,” Jared says, picking up the cross of the A and eating it as he sits down. “I almost forgot about how much of a morning person you’re not.”
Just a short while ago that statement would have made Jensen pause and feel some type of way, since it’s referencing the time he spent away. Of course, he’s been back for plenty of mornings, but a lot of those mornings were a transition period back to normal. This, right now? Feels normal. And somehow Jared saying that does, too, back to just the easy flow and banter of their lives that’s now solidified into a mated relationship. He smirks and takes another sip of his coffee. “Well, I’ll just have to continue to remind you. Although, somehow I think you’ll just continue to make me dumb breakfasts just to see me roll my eyes.”
Jared snorts. “If you think I’m making breakfast every morning, you might still be dreaming.”
“Right, we’ll take turns. The days that I make it, it’ll look like an adult did it.” He does remember then the expectation that he be the one to make breakfast, though most mornings RF didn’t even have the time for it, out the door to a job more important than him, anyway. Getting breakfast and probably a side piece along the way. “Thank you for this,” he says quietly, because he really is grateful for something so simple.
Jared looks at him and sobers, offering him a small smile. “Don’t mention it.”
He reaches up and feels his neck, over the bite that Jared left there, the realization hitting him more now. “I’m claimed.”
“You’re mine,” Jared says, his tone firm and a fire behind his eyes. Jensen knows Jared’s aware of how much not being claimed by someone who allegedly loved him affected him, and it makes his heart race to see just how much Jared wants him to know what this means to both of them. But then Jared softens and nods at Jensen’s plate, bringing him back to the moment. “Enjoy your breakfast before it gets cold.”
Grumpy as he’d been, Jensen obliges and doesn’t even move the food to the center of the plate with his fork like a normal person but actually eats it in the circle it’s been arranged, even turning his plate at times. He can feel Jared grinning at him as he finishes his own plate without even looking to see the expression on his face. “Well, that was stupid,” he says as he finishes and takes the plate to the sink, rinsing and dropping it in. Before he can say anything else, Jared’s crowded up behind him, pressed against his back.
“My grumpy little omega with that gruff exterior,” Jared says, nuzzling into his neck. “You liked it.”
“I was hungry,” Jensen says unconvincingly. “There’s a difference.”
“Of course,” Jared relents, smiling against him and kissing his claiming bite before letting him go. “Just remember, this is your life now.”
Jared says it teasingly like it’s a threat of a lifetime of stupid jokes to come, but when Jensen hears him say it, he honestly can’t think of a better life to live.