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After everything that happened lately all around them, the agency figured they could all use a break once in a while. Some bonding time, considering how many near-death experiences they’d been going through. Just something nice, non-work-related, just them hanging out.
It was the idea of Kenji and Kyouka that everyone ended up agreeing on: A sleepover in the office, with food, snacks, drinks, games and everything. Everyone was invited. Most were delighted at the idea, though one seemed slightly restless. It was Dazai, who stared at his phone in contemplation.
“You know… I’d love to come, but I might have to pass on the sleepover thing for… reasons.” He spoke, typing something on his phone. Safe to say his colleagues protested loudly.
“Come on Dazai! What could be so important you’d abandon us for it?!” Yosano complained. “Yea! You're the one who got stuck in prison, Dazai-san! We missed you! You gotta be here!” Atsushi added. Everyone else agreed instantly. Dazai sighed to himself. How was he gonna explain this to his colleagues? That he simply couldn't join them because he had a clingy slug at home who waited for him night by night. He couldn't really tell them about the Port Mafia executive he was conveniently living with, sleeping with, and married to.
Then again, the organizations were on a truce…
His mood lightened as he figured out a great way to uproot his colleagues’ entire understanding of the world. He just had to rope a certain chibi of his into joining him for the fun.
“See, I have someone at home who requires me to be there each night. If I can bring them with me, I'll come.” He looked up at his colleagues with an innocent smile. As if he, the Osamu Dazai, who continuously asked women for a double suicide, having someone at home waiting for him, was the most normal thing in the world.
His colleagues gaped at him. The pin drop silence only interrupted by yet another pen falling victim to Kunikida’s near-aneurysm.
“What do you mean you have someone at home who's waiting for you?! How have I never heard this before!” Yosano complained loudly, but Dazai refused to elaborate any further. “So?” He asked instead. Nobody answered, until Ranpo spoke up. “Sure! Shouldn't be much of an issue. Can't wait to properly meet your person!”
The collective “YOU KNOW?!” from the agency at Ranpo was already further away as Dazai slipped out of the room and his workplace. He had a slug to convince of going along with the fun after all.
—
It was the day of the anticipated sleepover. Currently, at 6 PM, almost the entirety of the agency was present. Well, the entire agency besides Dazai and his mysterious plus one. He said he’d come a little later, and now the other agency members were sitting in a circle, staring in contemplation. The only unbothered ones were Ranpo who was happily munching on his snacks, and Fukuzawa who sat next to him, sipping a cup of tea. Apparently both of them knew who it was that Dazai was bringing. Only god knows how they figured that out. Well. Ranpo was Ranpo. So who was surprised?
“So we all agree that this is strange, right?” Atsushi started. “I agree. In the entire time Dazai’s been working with the agency, he never once spoke of a significant other in his life. It must be a recent development then.” Kunikida added. “I’m sorry, but I’m still not over Dazai apparently having someone such as a significant other. Or at least someone close enough to live with him. Can you really imagine Dazai sharing his day to day life with another person?” Yosano asked. No one had an answer.
“Maybe it’s just a living arrangement? Like a roommate.” Atsushi contemplated. “Come to think of it, I barely ever see Dazai-san anywhere near the agency dorms. It’s like he disappears into thin air every night.”
Kunikida sighed, looking awfully close to someone struggling with a massive headache. “Does he not like the dorms? No offense, but I’m not quite sure his salary allows for any big house purchases.” They all had to collectively acknowledge that yes, in all the time they’ve been working with their enigma of a co-worker, they never quite knew where he went at night. They all just assumed he was causing chaos or floating down some river. But now, it almost seemed like he had a home somewhere. A home he shared with another person. Another person who they’d get to meet soon enough.
It was then that a knock sounded from the door. Atsushi stared at the clock.
Strange. Dazai-san isn’t supposed to show up till 7. Are we missing someone?
The Tanizaki siblings had to stay home. Something school related, apparently. And everyone else was here. So who in the world was knocking now?
Before anyone could get up and look out, Ranpo took the liberty of hopping off his table and walking over to the door. “Now, everyone, I need you to all stay calm! I may have invited a few more people to join us! Of course I have permission to do so. So~ Please don’t freak out and mess this up alright~ It’s all for entertainment reasons!” Then, the detective pulled open the door.
There, one hand raised awkwardly as though he was about to knock again, stood Akutagawa. Atsushi almost fainted at the sight of his favorite enemy. And he wasn’t alone. Next to him, carrying bags of god-knows-what, stood his sister Gin. Behind them: Higuchi, Tachihara, and Hirotsu. Even Kouyou was there. And…
Wait.
Who in the world invited Mori to the sleepover?!
The entire agency was staring in disbelief at the Port Mafia members standing in their doorway. Behind them, a very awkward Poe shuffled into the room and immediately attached himself to Ranpo’s side. “I brought them in. That was what I was supposed to do, right?” He mumbled. Ranpo simply laughed and ruffled Poe’s hair, then he stepped back to beckon the others in.
“...You invited the mafia.” Yosano noted. “I did!” Ranpo replied with a smile. “You invited the mafia. To our headquarters. For a sleepover.” Yosano repeated. Another nod. “Just a few of them! Trust me, it’ll be fun! Plus: It’ll do some good for that truce we’re still getting used to! Boss approved!” A glance at Fukuzawa, who simply nodded. If Kunikida had a pen just about now, he surely would’ve broken it.
“Weretiger.” Akutagawa greeted and dropped a heavy bag right on Atsushi’s lap who winced in pain. “HEY! What was that for now?!” And then, Akutagawa had the audacity to drop down into a sitting position right next to Atsushi. “Quit whining. You sound weak.” The mafioso supplied helpfully. Atsushi rolled his eyes. This was gonna be a long night.
“Is Mr. Gravity Guy also gonna join us?” Kenji asked, apparently very excited over the whole ordeal. Hirotsu laughed softly. “He said he’ll come later. Don’t worry.”
Now, that was interesting information. Atsushi couldn’t help the terror that crawled up in him at the mere thought of stuffing the Gravity Manipulator into the same room as his mentor. For all he knew, it was quite possible the agency building would end up destroyed at the hands of the two men. But also…
Dazai-san said he’d come a bit later. And Nakahara-san now too…
He shook the thought off before it could develop further. That was just impossible.
“Dazai-san also mentioned he’ll come later.” Kyouka loudly provided what Atsushi was thinking. Kunikida paled at that. “...Are we 100% sure this is a good idea?” He asked carefully, face resembling the color of Atsushi’s hair. “Are we 100% sure the agency will be fine?” He added. Ranpo waved him off. “It’ll be fineeee! You see… Maybe we’re in for a surprise regarding Dazai and Mr. Fancy Hat!” That didn’t make anything better as now one could visibly watch Kunikida processing the realization that nobody dared thinking about just yet.
“Are we missing something?” Higuchi asked at the shocked faces, placing her bag near the wall, next to Gin’s. Atsushi opened his mouth, but Ranpo was faster. “Nope! Just wait and see~” Higuchi shrugged and everyone started preparing places to sleep, despite there still being a long evening ahead of them. Soon enough, most desks were pushed aside, acting as a makeshift snack bar. Both groups brought a bunch of games for all of them to play. Soon enough, the initial tension dissipated and the agency and the Port Mafia were doing just fine in the same space.
Hirotsu and Mori were exchanging stories with Fukuzawa, probably talking about recent missions and potential future issues the organizations would face. Kenji was excitedly asking Tachihara and Gin all sorts of questions about various mafia-related things. Kouyou was interrogating Kyouka about her wellbeing with the agency. Higuchi was animatedly chatting with Yosano and it seemed like the two got along splendidly.
Akutagawa wasn’t exactly talking to anyone directly, he was observing the scene. And for some reason, he put down his sleeping mat right next to Atsushi’s. Atsushi had yet to figure out what the reason was. Maybe Akutagawa planned on suffocating him in his sleep? Well, maybe it was also something else. Not that Atsushi could read minds.
It was almost point blank 7 PM when the agency door finally opened to Dazai. Everyone went silent as they stared at him. Dazai stared right back and raked his eyes over the assortment of mafioso and detectives. Then he grinned and waved. “Hey there everyone! Didn’t know the mafia was invited too! You know… That would’ve made things so much easier.” A lamenting sigh. The people in the room had yet to see anyone with him.
“Dazai-san, didn’t you say you were bringing someone?” Atsushi asked, questioning whether his mentor just made something up in an attempt to lie himself out of participating. But then-
“Oh, yea! Of course I brought someone! It’s just… You see, he’s very tiny~ So he’s a little difficult to spot~” Atsushi had a terrible feeling about this. A moment later, a leg kicked the place where Dazai’s head had been. Fortunately, Dazai ducked out of the way in time. “DONT CALL ME TINY YOU ASS.” A certain voice yelled. Such vocal range, such fury at Dazai… This could only mean one person.
Shocked, the entire room watched as a certain short redhead with blue eyes jumped over Dazai, turned around, and punched him in the gut. Dazai whined. “Chuuyaaaa! That’s no way to treat your partner!” He complained, loudly. Atsushi gave up on every resemblance of hope for a peaceful bonding event. His mentor, pouting and staring at the ground, stepped in. Chuuya rolled his eyes and then dragged Dazai by the hand - yup, that’s right, by the hand, their fingers laced together - towards the group of people.
“Hi. I believe I’ve met all of you agency fuckers before, though in much more difficult situations.” He greeted. “Mr. Fancy Hat!” Ranpo smiled as he strolled over from where he was sharing a bag of chips with Poe. “Nice of you to join us~ Say, are you Dazai’s plus one he explicitly stated he couldn’t leave at home alone in any case?” There was a teasing undertone to his voice. And Dazai, the Osamu Dazai, was blushing. No one could believe their eyes.
Chuuya blinked, then his face morphed into a shit-eating grin as he turned over to Dazai. “Is that so~ He really needs me here that badly~” Dazai punched Chuuya’s shoulder, Chuuya laughed at that and caught Dazai’s fist to prevent further violence. Everybody was staring, and nobody dared asking any questions about why the strongest ability user in Yokohama, known for his everlasting rivalry and conflict with Dazai, was Dazai’s plus one to the sleepover. If the two men who were currently busy stabbing each other with their fingers noticed their bafflement, they didn’t say a word.
Ranpo clapped his hands, gaining everyone’s attention. “Alright then. Now that we’re all here? How about some party games? Doesn’t that sound fun~” He asked. Everyone, for the sake of their sanity and mental health, agreed and pointedly ignored the idiots who just joined them. Mori scoffed in amusement. “Party Games with Double Black? Now that will certainly be funny! Bring it on!” Something about his unsettling grin should’ve been enough of a warning, but nobody picked up on it. “Well, it can’t be that difficult now! I’m a pro at all kinds of party games! I’ll beat them.” Yosano was fired up, and that was that.
…It soon turned out they maybe should’ve listened to Mori’s ominous warning before it was too late and the inevitable ended up happening. Which was the situation now, as the entire group of people assembled in the office stared at a charade scoreboard.
See, they chose charade, one of the most well-known party games as something fun and lighthearted to open up their evening activities. The groups were split up in smaller teams of two, one of the two was supposed to act out the words they were given while the other had to guess. In the end, the team with the most correct guesses won.
Kouyou and Mori opted out of participation, saying something along the lines of it being no fun with Soukoku involved. The others had yet to witness the - apparently infamous not only in regards of pure fighting power, but also in such games - duo in action. Or in as much action as they saw fit for such a game, that is.
The Yosano-Kunikida team started off strong with 7 correctly guessed words during the first round and Yosano seemed quite confident in her ability to surpass whatever the apparently god-like duo had in store for them.
Atsushi and Akutagawa followed with an impressive 6. No one knew why they teamed up, but especially Dazai seemed delighted they did. Every team went through their part of the round until finally, it was time for Dazai and Chuuya to take their turn. Chuuya was the one guessing, and the room was prepared for a dramatic theatrics show that was so typical for Dazai. Only that no such thing came.
Dazai read through his list of words, then smiled at Chuuya. There was no movement, just eye contact. And as though it was the most normal thing in the world, Chuuya took one look at Dazai’s face and started guessing words without the other doing as much as moving a muscle aside from subtle twitches of his eyes and mouth.
Every. Single. Guess. Chuuya took. Was correct. And it wasn’t even that Dazai was in any way mouthing the words to him. No cheating was happening. It somehow only seemed like Chuuya was pulling the words right from Dazai’s mind.
Did he have another ability? One that allowed him to read minds? But such an ability wouldn’t work on Dazai, Dazai who was immune to abilities. So what the fuck was going on?!
The two ended their round with a score of 20. The entire room was staring at them in disbelief. Well, almost everyone. Mori didn’t seem fazed and neither did Kouyou. Dazai returned from his position at the front, high-fived Chuuya and then dropped to the ground next to him, leaning on the shorter male who simply sighed and left Dazai be. Just rival things, the room figured.
It took barely two more rounds until Kunikida banned Dazai and Chuuya from competing in the game, seeing as they had used up half of the prompt cards the game provided all by themselves. Of course, Dazai was loudly complaining about that. “Kunikida-kun, how could you?! Chuuya dear, do you see this discrimination?!” Dazai wailed as he dropped backwards into his rival’s chest, one hand over his heart as though he’d been betrayed and could never recover. Chuuya wrapped his arms around Dazai, giving him headpats. “There there, you big baby. They simply can’t handle Soukoku’s full force!”
At this rate, no one should be in any way surprised at their behavior. Yet somehow, none of them were used to it at all. Kunikida managed to break the prompt card he was holding. No, not rip it apart or something, he literally broke it. Yosano carefully inserted herself into Kunikida’s personal space to take the card away. Kunikida didn’t even seem to notice, staring at his overdramatic co-worker and his… something. Really?! Would no one even try to question the highly ambiguous familiarity?
Dazai retorted to fake-sobbing into Chuuya’s chest while Chuuya glared everyone down.
“Don’t mind them! They’ve always been like.. This. And don’t mind their playstyle either. Over the years I’ve learned that it’s best to never question the literal mind-link these two seemingly have going for them!” Mori interjected from his place on a desk. “What do you mean, they’re always like this?! They’re insane!” Atsushi complained. “I think they’re awesome!” Kenji said with bright eyes. “Dazai-san, Mr. Gravity Guy, can you tell me more about how you do that thing of yours?!” He was visibly sparkling. Chuuya laughed and reached over to mess up blond hair. “Sure, kid.” Even Dazai looked soft at this display.
“You’ll get used to it, Weretiger.” Akutagawa added. “Now that Dazai-san and Chuuya-san are out of the game, how about we win this?” Seemingly, that was enough motivation for Atsushi to save his questions for later and he instead focused on his game partner and their objective of getting as close to Dazai’s and Chuuya’s score as possible.
From then, the game went smoothly since there weren’t two certain idiots figuring everything out within milliseconds anymore. True to their word, The Atsushi and Akutagawa team won, which seemingly put the still sulking Dazai into a better mood. “Not that they’ll ever beat Chibi and me~ But they’re doing great!” He cheered, clapping as his two favorite non-Chuuya idiots finished with a good score.
“Dumbass!” Chuuya scolded and hit Dazai on the head. “You’re supposed to encourage them, not tell them they’ll never get on our level!” Dazai whined at the punch as though he’d been seriously hurt. “Chuu~ya! This is domestic abuse! I’m revoking your cuddle privileges!” Dazai complained. Chuuya rolled his eyes and punched him again. “You’ll come crawling into my arms after 5 minutes and beg me to forgive you. You should be aware of that by now!”
While the strange duo continued bickering, the room was still hung up on the usage of the phrase ‘Cuddle privileges’ and all that it entailed. Something somehow seemed to dawn on Yosano as she widened her eyes and tilted her head over to Ranpo. “Are they–” Ranpo cut her off with a shrug and an innocent smile. “Find out for yourself!” He whispered back.
And now, Yosano had acquired an official mission she wanted to figure out throughout the remainder of the evening. Target locked in.
To get to the point as quickly as possible, she soon proposed the next game to be Truth or Dare. Spicy questions were allowed. But none that would force another to reveal any confidential information about either organization or any of their missions. Everyone was swiftly on-board. Dazai seemed all too happy that he and Chuuya were no longer banned to the sidelines. Not that it would stop them from being menaces to everybody else anyway.
Refusing a dare meant taking a shot. Well, they didn’t involve alcohol. They needed to stay somehow clear-headed so no accidental secrets would be spilled. They were all still getting used to the truce, after all. Instead…
“Here. This is perfect!” Dazai grinned as he handed everyone a glass of an unrecognizable fluid he’d briefly mixed together out of several different drinks they had. The sadistic grin on his face spoke volumes, and so did the smell of the strange drinks that had everyone nearly faint within a second.
“Holy Crap Dazai! What did you put in here?!” Yosano choked out, holding her glass as far away from herself as possible. Kouyou had a similar grin to Dazai’s on her face as she smelled the concoction. “This, my dear doctor, is one of Dazai’s specialties. He used this specific mixture years back during his interrogations, forcing people to drink it if they didn’t answer his questions! It might smell and taste terrible, but it’s completely harmless. Well, unless it’s consumed in large quantities. Then…” Much to everyone’s horror, she left the sentence unfinished.
“..Excuse me. Can we backpedal and talk about the part about Dazai-san torturing people again?!” Poe threw in, now seemingly scared for his life. Dazai waved him off. “Don’t worry about it. Just enjoy the drinks I put together~” Nobody dared opposing him. This might even be worse than any alcohol could be. Chuuya, however, simply took a sip as though it was the most normal thing in the world, then grimaced, sticking out his tongue. “...Really shitty Mackerel? You’re using that combination? You’re a menace.”
The room was staring again. Well, Chuuya drank it and didn’t pass out, so how bad could it really be? They’d live through drinking it without many struggles.
Wrong. Oh, how wrong they were…
It took exactly one sip of the drink for each and every one in the room to decide answering every embarrassing question was better than touching their glass ever again. Well, except for Chuuya who for some reason had no issue whatsoever. Why was that? Well, maybe they’d find out.
However, Dazai and Chuuya once again stumped everybody with the bullshit they were pulling. Namely: They were answering for each other. When Chuuya was asked a question, Dazai would answer for him, when Dazai was asked a question, Chuuya would answer. And according to each of their reactions it was the perfectly correct answer every single time. Whether it was trivial matters everyone could easily figure out - like what Dazai’s favorite brand of bandages was - or much more complex or personal matters like a detailed step-by-step instruction on how exactly Chuuya cooked his favorite dish, it was as though they knew each other better than they did themselves.
If anyone had warned the group in the room of just how exhausting these two were, even when they weren’t fighting or bickering, they probably would’ve never allowed the both of them to join this sleepover. It didn’t matter how weird the questions got, the answers were right, no matter what. It almost made the ADA and the Port Mafia members believe Dazai and Chuuya simply swapped bodies for the evening.
Soon enough, the questions entered more dangerous terrain. Even the younger ones were ruthless, despite not getting asked any spicy questions in return, for obvious reasons. Kyouka especially seemed to have read Yosano’s plan without ever asking about it and was fully ready to contribute.
“Dazai-san, have you ever kissed a guy.” She asked, absolutely out of the blue, making even Mori choke with how blunt she was.
“That’s absolutely impossible! Does this waste of bandages look in any way as though he’d do such a thing? Mr. ‘I-ask-every-woman-in-my-relative-vicinity-for-a-double-suicide’?!” Kunikida protested. The room went quiet with contemplation. Kunikida had a point. “Yea I guess it doesn’t really make sense–” Atsushi tried, but was swiftly interrupted by Chuuya, who looked almost offended at the insinuation that Dazai would never kiss a guy. What the fuck?
“Of course he kissed a guy before! Many, many times! I thought that much was obvious!” The short mafioso crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow in accusation. Everyone’s eyes snapped to Chuuya, then to Dazai, then to Chuuya again.
“...Dazai-san, is that true?” Higuchi asked. “There’s no way that’s true, he–” Kunikida started to argue again, but was shut up the moment Dazai sighed, loudly. “It is as Chibi says~ I’ve got plenty of experience in that regard! Ne, Chuuya~” The sly grin sent over at the ginger was met with a soft blush and averted eyes.
What the fuck?
Was the Port Mafia’s strongest ability user, the Chuuya Nakahara, blushing at Dazai?
It was quiet for a moment, then the room broke out into loud discussion and gave everyone the foreboding feeling that they were done playing Truth or Dare for now. Everyone had nothing but questions.
“Then what’s with all the ‘I’m only interested in women’ act you’ve got going on?!” Kunikida asked. Dazai shrugged. “I never thought it was all that relevant where my actual interest lies!”
“How many guys have you kissed?” Higuchi’s question, eager for gossip. Dazai grinned. “One. Exactly one guy.” Now everyone was even more confused.
“So… You kissed some guy. Many, many times.” Yosano who was slowly figuring out the full picture of the situation. “He’s not just some guy! He’s the only one I ever wanna kiss!” Dazai got defensive, almost as though he actually cared about this guy and his kisses? Who was this person, and what had they done to the Dazai who shamelessly flirts with every woman he saw?
At this point, there were multiple feelings floating about in the room. Utter surprise, which was visible on most faces, but also boredom, courtesy of Ranpo munching on his snacks as he witnessed the chaos unfold. There was curiosity from Yosano, who now was very certain she figured out what was going on. Mori, in the meantime, had placed his head on a table, utterly defeated and tired. “Dazai-kun, how much longer do you plan on making them suffer through this?” He asked, making everybody snap around.
“He obviously means how long he's gonna mess around before finally telling us about his boyfriend.” Kyouka stated, as though it was a well-known fact that Dazai, mind you: the Osamu Dazai, had a boyfriend.
Jaws were on the floor within a moment.
“Kyouka-chaaan! You’re ruining the surprise!” Dazai complained loudly and crossed his arms in a dramatic pout. Kyouka almost looked guilty for a second and swiftly apologized, making Dazai cut her off and tell her that she was fine.
“So… Just to set the record straight: Dazai-san has a boyfriend?” Atsushi was the first one who managed to say something. “Really, Weretiger? Isn’t that obvious by now? Are you stupid? Dazai-san definitely does have a boyfriend! He said it: there’s only one guy he wants to kiss, apparently. I might not be an expert in that field but I’m not blind.” Akutagawa replied.
“MEEP. Wrong.” Dazai interrupted with a grin. Akutagawa looked up, surprised. “What do you mean, wrong?” He asked. Dazai crossed his arms and sat up straight. “I have a husband. Not a boyfriend.”
Just like that, very fucking casual. Truly, the most normal thing in the world! Nothing more regular than Osamu-fucking-Dazai having a husband. Kunikida fainted, Ranpo barely catching him on time so he wouldn’t hit the floor too hard.
In the background, Mori shot upright and sent an evil grin towards Kouyou. “See! I told you: They got married sometime down the line. Hand over the money!” Begrudgingly, Kouyou did just that, leading to even more confusion.
“...You placed a bet on Dazai’s marriage.” Yosano stated. “Why of course we did! We’ve been watching the relationship progress from the start! …Somehow, Kouyou-kun here didn’t believe in the marriage part of it though.” Kouyou looked like a disappointed mother. Somewhere, in the background, a certain gravity manipulator was cackling loudly at the reaction.
“Hold on just a second!” Tachihara interrupted. “Whose marriage are we talking about? Dazai-san and…? If you watched it, doesn’t that mean Dazai-san’s husband is a mafia member?” He then asked. Kunikida woke up at the exact statement of Dazai having a mafioso husband and shot up straight at the remark.
“WHAT do you MEAN Dazai’s husband is a mafia member?!” He groaned, exasperated. “...You know what, whatever. I’m not getting paid enough to deal with this. I’m much more interested in who exactly this person is! I need to know whoever is insane enough to be with this guy out of their free will.” He then added. Dazai responded with a pout. “Hey! I’m not that bad of a husband! Chibi, tell him!” He whined. Chuuya, still laughing, sat himself back up straight. “He’s a horrible husband. Whoever married him out of free will must be lacking at least three quarters of their brain cells.” He replied. Dazai gasped and feigned hurt. “How could you say such a thing Chibikko! You were the one who proposed to me !” Chuuya hit his shoulder. “Yea! To ensure you couldn’t just run away despite leaving the mafia you bastard! I still need you in my life!”
Dazai’s eyes sparkled as he closed in on Chuuya’s face. “Aw~ Chibi needs me~ Chibi loves me! Chibi loves me so much, he had to make sure I’ll legally be his forever! Even knowing that I’d never leave him!” Chuuya rolled his eyes, cheeks red again as he pushed Dazai’s face away. Dazai, however, didn’t like that and instead wrapped himself tightly around the short mafioso like an overgrown octopus. “Fuck off.” Chuuya mumbled, without any malice in his voice. Instead of pushing Dazai off, he simply hugged him back.
Everyone was now certain of what was going on here. The fact they came together, the way they functioned playing games, the way they seemingly knew one another better than they knew themselves…
And yet, just to confirm.
“Dazai… Who is that husband of yours?” Yosano asked. Dazai smiled and looked over at the tiny ginger in his arms. “You wanna do the honors?” Chuuya sat up and nodded, then he reached for Dazai’s neck and pulled a silver chain out from under his clothing. On the end of said silver chain, a simple, black ring. Afterwards, Chuuya pulled a matching chain with a matching ring out from under his clothes and held them up together, showing their friends.
“It’s me. I’m the mackerel’s husband. Who else would it be?” And, as to underline that, he leaned up and pressed a kiss to Dazai’s lips, a kiss Dazai happily returned. Then, they looked at the other’s again, happily savoring their reactions.
Mori looked utterly done, so did Kouyou. Poe looked uncomfortable and out of place, hiding behind Ranpo who showed no signs of surprise, nor did Hirotsu, nor Fukuzawa (He probably knew of the marriage due to being in possession of Dazai’s fully filled out employee records). Yosano looked disgusted at the PDA she’d been subjected to, so did Higuchi and Tachihara. Gin and Kyouka both were emotionless as ever, nobody could tell exactly whether they’d figured it out from the start. Atsushi looked like he’d seen a ghost. Akutagawa too, only that he lacked the undertone of surprise and instead simply looked dead inside. Kenji’s eyes were sparkling as he scrambled to congratulate the idiot duo on their marriage. And Kunikida? Well, he probably would’ve broken his pen, but he didn’t have a pen, so instead he opted for fainting again.
“How long–” Yosano started. “Almost 5 years. Since I left the Port Mafia.” Dazai answered. “I can’t believe you didn’t invite us to the wedding Dazai-san! How cruel!” Mori complained. Dazai glared at him. “What? Was I supposed to write my ex-boss, who I just betrayed and fled from, an invitation to a wedding with one of his executives?!” Mori blinked at that. Then he simply nodded. “I must say, you’ve got a point there.”
Eventually, the groups had to recover from the shock. It wouldn’t do, simply staring in silence at the newfound revelation that Soukoku was very much married, even years after Dazai left the mafia. Soon enough, the poor couple was subjected to a shit ton of questions regarding their relationship. They answered all the questions, seemingly all-too-happy to brag about finding their soulmate at age 15 and staying with him from then on.
They found out about how they got together, they found out that the reason Dazai wanted to bring Chuuya with him to the sleepover in the first place was, because neither could sleep well without the other around, which was, by all standards, kind of adorable.
Soukoku stories were shared. By the idiots themselves, and by the people who were unfortunate enough to witness them in all their glory during their mafia days.
In hindsight, none of them reallý should’ve been that surprised. Even the ones who hadn’t seen them together too often yet could tell there was something special between them from the start. This just solidified it.
In all honesty, they were incredibly cute, even though they fought and bickered, it was all with an underlying fondness.
The ADA never saw Dazai actually sleep. They figured he was too paranoid to do so around other people.
However, not tonight.
Dazai slept. Actually, fully slept. He slept, with Chuuya held tightly in his arms and a smile on both their faces.
It was adorable alright. And Yosano made it her mission to fill her gallery with pictures of her co-worker and his husband sleeping.
She’d have a lot of blackmail material like this.
Lot’s of quite adorable blackmail at that.
Dazai might murder her, but it would be very much worth it.