Archive of Our Own ^beta

Hailey fumbled with her keys, almost dropping them, struggling to unlock her apartment’s door. An annoyed growl escaped her lips and finally she managed to open the door.

She slowly trudged through the doorstep and across the living room, leaving a trail of stuff behind her; first thing to fall on the hardwood floor was her coat, closely followed by her boots; one remained standing, the other dropped on its side with a thud. Her duffle bag was wearily thrown onto the brown armchair.

She stopped by the side of the couch and let herself flop into the cushions face-first, tugging at her ponytail to free her hair and exhaling a long tired groan in the process; hair tie falling somewhere on the carpet near the coffee table.

Jay slowly entered the room, keeping a close eye on her; something was up but he couldn’t quite grasp what it was just yet.

He picked up all the discarded items, putting them back in their corresponding places, not uttering a single word; knowing all too well she would regret leaving them on the floor the next morning. She wasn’t a neat freak by any means, but she liked to keep her space tidy and clean.

He approached her gently, kneeling beside her. He placed his hand on her back softly, letting it wander rubbing slow relaxing circles into the soft fabric of her flannel, causing a warm fuzzy feeling to spread through her entire body. She released a soft, almost imperceptible, hum in contentment.

She’d like some cuddles at that moment; his touch grounded her, reminded her she was not alone, yet she was feeling like everything was slipping away.

It was a terrible, draining day, for the first time in a long time, she felt lost. And on top of that, her emotions were all over the place. Yup, not the day for it.

He seemed to catch on it right away, as if he could read her mind: his hand never stopping the lingering moves. He picked up the lost hair tie and put it on his wrist, for safekeeping. A soft endearing smile formed on his face at the sight of Hailey enjoying his gentle touches.

He tucked a loose strand of hair that fell on her face behind her ear, lovingly tracing the side of her cheek with his thumb while doing so and leaned down to let his lips brush against her temple in a slow steady kiss before breaking the silence “I know you’re exhausted, do you think you can manage some food?” She just shook her head in response, almost recoiling. Food was not welcomed; she was way too nauseous and achy for that.

He stood up inch-by-inch and made his way to the kitchen to make himself a half-decent sandwich with whatever was left in the fridge. Ham, pickles and mayonnaise that God only knows when that expired…not exactly edible…they really needed to go grocery shopping the next day.

He opened the pantry above his head and found her sweet treats "I could use one of those…" she spoke softly, almost shy, observing him from the couch.

He chuckled in disbelief and amusement before grabbing a chocolate bar and bringing it to her. She could not be hungry at all, but she always found space for one of her chocolate bars.  He couldn’t remember exactly the time he started to keep one or two of those in his truck, but it would always bring a glowing smile on her face whenever she found one. His heart warming each time.

He watched her melt in her seat as the sweet flavours hit her taste buds; a content sigh escaped her lips and Jay could not stop the affectionate smile forming on his face. Seeing her smile was all he wanted.

Hailey got up from the couch and looked at him, timidly moved her gaze towards her bedroom and back to him. "Of course, go get ready. I'll be there in a bit, ok?" he reassured with a tender smile, she smiled back blushing in a lovely shade of pink. They were at her apartment, she shouldn’t be guarded here…

He slowly padded his way around the apartment in silence, shutting all the lights before joining Hailey in her bedroom.

She was already under the covers, her head lolling low on the pillow and eyes closed. Hands firmly gripping the white sheets. To anyone else she was peacefully asleep, finally getting the rest she needed and deserved, but he knew better and he could see the fair tinge of pain on her face, almost marring it in his eyes.

He sighed. His face scrunched up in a sad frown; his heart aching. A few beats passed and he was still frozen in place, leaning against the doorframe for support. He eventually closed the gap that was separating him from the bed with four slow strides.

Hailey tiredly opened her eyes as she felt the mattress slightly dip under his weight “You feeling ok?” he asked; worry tainting his tone in spite of all his efforts to mask it.

She pondered lying in his face, it would be a white lie after all, but she was well aware he could see straight through her and that would only increase his apprehension.

Jay didn't deserve that.

At the same time, vulnerability was not something she showed to others. Jay was the only exception, she opened up to him countless times, she’d follow him blind, but sometimes she just couldn’t do it. “You got hurt during that chase today?” he prompted, interrupting her train of thoughts.

His eyes never leaving hers, in search of any signs of serious discomfort, which to his dismay he found. His head dropped ever so slightly, hanging low for a beat.

Wheels were loudly turning in her brain again “I can hear you thinking…Hailey, talk to me” he sighed, gently taking her small hand in his and drawing warm soothing circles on its back and ghosting over her knuckles. “I’m not feeling great…” she admitted after a moment and then added before he could ask “Physically. You being here making sure I’m ok is…it’s just-” overwhelming. In a truly good way.

Tears started pooling in her blue hues, an emotional shimmer appeared along with them. Her bottom lip quivered.

He quickly pulled her to his chest; he softly kissed her forehead and stroked her hair just the way he learned she loved. A sudden sob escaped her lips without warning. Jay hugged her tighter; his hand slipped under her top and traced unhurried haphazard lines up and down her back.

She exhaled heavily trying to relax in his arms, but it appeared to be difficult this time.

He felt her body tense and loosen and tense again for what seemed long draining minutes. C'mon baby, relax. He brushed his lips all along her hairline, letting them linger at each spot for long seconds.

It seemed to finally do the trick; her body went lax in a matter of seconds along with a hum of relief. "I'm also a little emotional…sorry…" her voice small against his chest in the silence surrounding them, "No, hey, you've got nothing to be sorry for. It's ok" he comforted her and placed a steady kiss in her hair.

Jay held her securely against his chest until she fell asleep. He then succumbed to the devastating tiredness of the last few days.

Sunlight was slowly creeping through the white curtains of her bedroom, a thin beam illuminated Jay's peaceful face. He was sleeping soundly on his back, his right arm holding Hailey close still.

She was curled up in a ball against his side; almost inaudible whimpers escaped her lips. Jay stirred, his eyes slowly fluttering open at the sound.

He looked around to find the source of the noise and soon realized it was Hailey. He lightly ran his fingers down her arm, in an attempt to get her to wake up but without success. He shook her as gently as he could, worry swimming wildly in his eyes as her only response was now a sob.

Jay’s heart was racing, thumping out of his chest; he hastily brushed some hair out of her face while hurrying her to wake up “Hail, baby, wake up. C’mon” nothing changed, the only noise surrounding them was Hailey's distress.

Tears pooled in his eyes. Jay stretched his arm to get his phone to call Will, when Hailey started to flutter her eyes open and gather her surroundings and pain. Jay sighed in relief "There you are…you got me scared for a second" he whispered, gently carding his fingers through her hair.

Jay wandered in the supermarket to get everything they wrote on the list. He quietly hummed along whatever song it was playing, crossing out every single item off the list to make sure he got everything. Hailey still wasn't feeling too well and the last thing he wanted to do was stressing her about groceries and housework. He would do it for her every day; lift some weight off her shoulders, even if it was the smallest amount. He was walking towards the long row of checkouts when his phone pinged in his pocket. He pulled it out and found a new text from Hailey;

Jay quickly typed a reply, his wheels turning a thousand miles an hour. She was acting weird, he couldn't remember the last time he saw her this on edge and somewhat shy…almost like she was ashamed of something...

Jay:Sure

Jay:What is it?

A few moments later he got a rapid sequence of texts and finally it all clicked into place; she normally kept things close to the vest but she also was straight-forward and didn’t fear to speak her mind, but this time she was at another whole new level of closed-off.

Hailey:Uhm

Hailey:Tampons?

Hailey:If it's too much trouble for you, I'll deal with it

Why would it be too much trouble? Was there something behind it? Of course there was…Did someone deny her essential products before? He gripped the cart's handle tighter as anger started to flow in his veins, his nostrils flared!

Jay:No it's ok :)

Jay reassured gently; she didn't need his anger right now, nor ever. He walked back to the sanitary products aisle and started to look for what she needed, scanning row after row. There was just one thing he underestimated: the amount of choice there actually was to say it was overwhelming, it was an understatement.

Jay:So help me out, I'm a bit lost here...you planning on hitting sports mode today or are you more of a secret agant vibe?

He could hear the snort and laugh that probably bubbled up her throat while reading his text. She rolled her eyes too, for sure. A smug smile creeped on his lips. Mission complete.

Hailey:Ugh...definitely not sport mode

Jay:Bad one?

Hailey:Yeah...💀

Jay:I'm sorry 💔

Her reply came straight away and his heart sank once again; he couldn’t remember a time where she felt this bad, during all these years side by side he could’ve easily noticed if something was up or different. Something was wrong, and he wasn’t thrilled about it.

When he came back to her apartment, he found a lump on the couch resembling his girlfriend. Girlfriend, his lips spread into a soft smile at the thought. Jay still couldn't believe they were together and partners in every sense of the word. He was sure he looked like a love-struck teenager but he couldn’t care less; Hailey was worth it and she deserved all his love. Life hadn’t been gentle on her, she well merited a break and a source of bliss.

His gaze landed on a glass of water and pain meds sitting on the coffee table in front of the couch. Hailey was quietly sleeping curled up on herself. Jay hoped it was a good sign, hoped that it meant the pain subsided a bit.

He wandered silently around the kitchen and slowly put the groceries away. Finally the fridge was stocked and there was plenty of comfort food Jay decided to get. The lonely jar of mayonnaise anxiously looking at him flew into the trash without any room for doubt. He then moved to the bathroom and placed the supplies under the sink and in the medicine cabinet behind the mirror.

It still stunned him how well he knew her place and where everything went without actually living there. It was like magic, his body moved around the place with a mind of its own.

As he was padding back to the living room, laundry basket in hand, rustling noises and a groan of uneasiness broke his thoughts; he quickly looked towards their source to make sure Hailey was alright.

He saw her stretch her arms and let them dangle from the couch and decided to make known his presence "Hey there, sleeping beauty" he teased gently before adding a beat later "I placed your tampons in the cabinet under the sink, hope that's alright"

She gingerly turned over and weakly nodded her head. Jay placed the basket he was holding to his side and approached her; his eyes never leaving hers.

A yearning look permanently on his face. He knelt to her level and slowly carded his fingers through her soft blonde hair. “How are you feeling?” "Like I've been run over by a truck" she whispered.

"I got you a little something" he told her, still caressing her hair. “Might help with the pain too” he added before reaching for the shopping bag behind the couch. He proudly took out a hot water bottle with a dark blue fuzzy cover and handed it to her. Hailey inspected it curiously, then looked back at him with her brows furrowed “You put hot water in it and then place it on your stomach; the heat should ease the pain. My mom used it all the time when Will and I were sick” Jay clarified.

“I feel honored to use your mom’s trick, thank you” Hailey smiled at him, gently taking his hand in hers and squeezing it. She knew his mom meant a lot to him, and knowing he thought of both of them made her feel warm and fuzzy. Loved.

She looked at him rummage through the bag again. An excited smile creeped out on his face as he showed her he got a matching fuzzy blanket too, and the flannel shirt she seemed to really like last time they went to the mall together but her size was not available anymore.

He closed an eye and scrunched up his nose “I hope I got it right…”

Her eyes swelled with tears and her chin trembled for the second time in the last 24 hours. She lunged for him as the tears started to fall along her rosy cheeks, violently streaking them. Jay caught her instantly and held her close as her sobs thundered through the silence, as her body shook through the emotions like a ship in the ocean.

A deafening crack broke his heart; sensing she was really safe for the first time, sensing people took advantage of that pain, physical and emotional.

“You’re safe” his words echoed and opposed her sobs. A silent thank you echoed back whilst her knuckles turned white against his dark gray shirt.

He slowly moved to sut on the couch, gently pulling her in his lap. Never letting go of her. Never stopping the soothing caresses on her back. Never ceasing the delicate kisses in her hair.

He waited. He waited for her to breathe again. In silence.

Hailey sniffled and whispered against his chest “Thank you, they’re perfect. You’re perfect”

His lips found their way to her temple and left the softest of kisses on her warm skin.

“Regardless being your boyfriend…I’m your best friend first; you can tell me anything” he prompted softly. A small sparkle of hope shined in her blue hues at the word boyfriend. Maybe he wasn’t going to break up with her after all. After long quiet seconds, where only her heavy breathing could be heard, she murmured “People have…people have left because of this”

It hit him like a ton of bricks; he couldn’t fathom how someone could leave her for such a thing, or leave her altogether. Knowing for certain what she must’ve gone through hurt, a lot.

“I’m not leaving you, not for this.” his voice determined but gentle as he played with her fingers.

She laid on the couch, hot water bottle steady on her stomach, as he unhurriedly rubbed her feet. Those simple touches somehow made feel special, chosen. Maybe it was all that happened mere hours ago; Jay not running for the hills, but actually staying and supporting her, showing her patience and love.

“Can you hold me?” her voice barely a whisper.