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Drip.
Drip.
A shadow stood in front of her. Gesticulating violently, silently, in her direction.
Drip.
Drip.
The figure was cloaked in the same darkness that encased the rest of the catacomb, isolating her from the city above. It felt as though it was known to her, but the warmth of home was so far from here…
Drip.
Drip.
The only familiar thing left was the ever-present damp.
Drip.
Drip.
Crack!
Some strange limb whipped from the shadow. Striking her. The blow sent her reeling to the floor; the damp cold permeating her coat and shirt—indescribable stains bleeding into the cheap cloth.
Drip.
Drip.
Zzzt.
A spark leapt from her prone form to the moist stone of the floor. A vibrant pink light. It jumped along the floor, springing from puddle to puddle along the pockmarked stone, meandering along some unseen path as she pushed herself up from the floor.
Drip.
Zzzt.
Drip.
A deep fog settled around her, or was it smoke? Little flames were sprouting from the spark’s bounding path as it slowly wrapped around the shadowed figure. Its foot tapped incessantly against the cold stone as she stood. Again it gestured, pointing, accusing, with silent words that she couldn’t hear. The shadow towered over her, yet its form still escaped her. She pushed herself up, stained clothing and all, as the shadow continued to flail at her with limbs overwhelmed by the encasing darkness.
Crack!
Again it, he , struck her. The blow threw her against the wall, her cheek swelling as her hand shot to it.
“Stop!” Her voice was hoarse, cracking.
The shadow shook silently. Was he laughing? Susie couldn’t tell through the smoke now filling the room. Overwhelming ringing filled her ears… his mouth opened again, unheard belligerence pouring from it. She felt something crackle along her arm, though the shadow continued his tirade unabated. Why didn’t it even notice her pain? Was she truly that far beneath him?
Drip.
The smoke stung her eyes, and she felt the fire climbing her skin.
The figure raised its hand again, but paused. She felt herself burning. She felt the sparks dancing across her skin as her mouth opened. What… what was she saying, what words were coming from her mouth? As she stepped forward the figure stumbled back, catching himself before he could fully fall.
Drip.
She didn’t stop. A finger pressed into the shadow. the darkness dispelled, as a single spark leapt from it to the man’s chest. She didn’t stop. Another step forward, and another. She continued, words she couldn’t hear bouncing around the cramped tunnel.
She felt an arc reach from her hand to the floor.
Drip.
A wordless roar shook her body. Was that… her voice? Her hands launched forwards. She felt flesh in her grasp. The man’s neck… his clammy skin against her palms.
He screamed something.
His skin grew warm as her hands tightened.
Zzzzt.
“Susie?!”
Sweat. Tangled sheets. A scream.
She shot up in her bed. Her lungs fought back as she tried to force breath through them. Her gasps filled the near silent room. The only thing she could hear was the dampened rumble of the landship’s movement. Her hands moved across her nightgown, and found no stains; at least there were no unexpected stains. But… she looked to the sheets thrown to the side, and the still warm indent next to her. Was she alone?
Click.
The sound filled the room. She nearly jumped in place as her head flicked towards the opposite wall. The idle fans started again with gentle whirs.
“Sorry kitten, you tripped the breaker.” Haze stretched with a yawn.
Susie felt the wire attached to her ear. Damp air still clung to her lungs. Her hand gently clasped the still warm grounding wire, with its jury-rigged connector. She tried to open her mouth, but all she could do was gasp.
Haze quickly made her way back to the bed when she saw Susie’s mouth working silently, a gentle hand laid upon her back as Haze settled onto the bed next to her. Susie felt the small circles being rubbed into her back, as her breath steadied.
“Should I get Quercus?”
Susie shook her head, and silently leaned into the other Feline. She offered acquiescence silently, an arm slowly snaking around the pink haired girl to share her warmth.
“Susie… you’re shaking like a leaf…” Haze’s other arm followed suit, pulling the woman close to her chest.
Her heartbeat was steady. Susie felt it through the thin material of her oversized shirt, as she was enveloped by Haze’s arms.
“Sorry… Haze…” She felt a small sob shake her body.
Haze gently squeezed her. “It’s okay. Cry all you want, Susie. It’s only me.”
The hand at her back continued to softly rub circles into it. Susie felt herself melting into her; slowly becoming putty in Haze’s hands with every completed rotation, but the tears wouldn’t stop. The infrequent sobs shook her as she let Haze hold her. Even with how frequently Susie found these nightmares plaguing her, she couldn’t shake the chill that always held her after. Simply having someone there for her was enough. Others had been there before! Memories of gently knocking upon Quercus’ door with a singed blanket clutched to her chest—all while unbidden thoughts flitted around her head. Haze had always known. After all. she had been there for what Susie so often thought of as one of her lowest points. The start of Susie’s clinging nightmares… that day that had only sunk lower, and lower.
Her hand, still shaking, tangled in Haze’s shirt.
“I’m sorry… I don’t wanna be like this…”
“Mmm... it’s not your fault, kitten.”
Her grip tightened. “B-but it was, it is. I’m the one who did that.”
“Well, I don’t think you can blame yourself Susie. Not after all that happened!” Haze gave her a squeeze. “Besides he deserved worse for what he did… though maybe I’m just being a bit vindictive.”
“But still…”
“Really Susie, after everything you went through there…”
“I hurt Quercus!”
“And did she blame you?”
“Of course not, cause—”
“Cause she’s just as kind as you are, Susie.”
“I—“
“Come on now, kitten. Sure, you got pushed to the edge. I saw you there after all, thinking so hard about all those things piled onto you... But, was any of that your fault? No, no it wasn’t. You weren’t at the wheel, you weren’t treating people like pieces on a board.” Susie felt Haze’s face press into her hair, squishing her ears into her head. “Honestly… I wish I had been there too, I would have wanted a turn at that bastard myself.”
Susie hiccuped. She had thought it was a laugh, but that faint bubble that burst from her quavered too much be called anything else. “You always have been weirdly protective for a self-proclaimed thief.”
“Come on, I’m more of the ‘heart of gold’ type!”
“Well you’ve already proved that to me.” Susie pressed further into her lovers chest, and nearly completely curled into a ball against her.
“Don’t give me too much credit, maybe I’m just protective of cute little kittens like you.”
She felt another quivering bubble in her chest. Instead of a sob, a tiny giggle broke from her. A small thing, but still something that broke through while Haze held her. Haze responded with a simple squeeze, her arms pressing into Susie as she laid against her chest. Hearing her heartbeat against her ear was a comfort she had grown so used to these days. Even slight as it was, just tha, and the warmth of their shared bed was enough.
Susie found herself humming, though the sound was almost low enough to almost be a purr.
Haze’s arms were still thin, but she had gained some weight since things had stabilized for them at Rhodes Island… Susie couldn’t deny how often she found herself worrying about her: whether it was her weight, flare-ups of their shared disease, or the night terrors that she helped Susie with so often. She found her hand tangling in the coiled wire still dangling from her ear. At least they had this. She really needed to thank Franka and Liskarm for the small, but effective, protective measure. Even if she hated needing it.
“I can feel you thinking too hard, kitten…” Haze rubbed a gentle circle into her back as she muttered the words.
Still, Susie felt herself almost purring into her chest. “I’m fine, I’m fine… just… before I got to Caladon… well, I spent a lot of time alone. When I was working as a messenger I was always alone, then I got sick, and when I—we realized that we couldn’t afford my meds… well, I felt alone again. It was so hard finding people when I was moving from city to city like that.”
Haze hummed in response, gently pushing Susie to continue.
“I mean, I love my family, my Mum, my siblings… but the thought of being a burden on them was just too much! When I finally got to Caladon… When I met Quercus, it was like finding— well she’s not family, but she did just as much for me. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to repay her for what she gave me, she helped me feel like I was finally living again, not just surviving, but then… everything else happened, and I thought I was going to lose everything again! And—”
Susie felt the returning sobs break through. Once again Susie was that small, fragile thing clinging to her lover. Even with Haze’s arms around her, she still felt like the even the thinnest wind would take her away.
“Now you’re here.”
“I… yeah. Yeah… Now I’m here.” She felt her grip on Haze’s oversize shirt fall slack, now only a loose tangle in the cheap material. Susie sniffed, pausing to simply listen to her breath. As much as she complained about her lover’s flimsy nightwear, she had to admit there was a good side too.
Haze was right though, and Susie had to admit it. The past was just that: past. Scars and all, she’d weathered it. She still stood… even if it wasn’t exactly a proud stance, or a tall one, she still held it. Even the thought of a future where she hadn’t met Quercus, hadn’t met Haze? All of it felt strange and clouded; a future she couldn’t even grasp. The path that had led her to Quercus, to Haze, to Rhodes… none of it was some grand destiny or fate—just hands reaching to one another. Choices they had all made that wound to one intertwined path. She was still here, still holding that future that they had all given her.
Besides, Susie had already started giving back the way she could. She could turn the gifts people gave her into more, and she wanted to keep proving it—keep proving that her path still stretched further. A simple room for one? Two could squeeze in it, and all it took was a few decorations to make it homey. A small space with a comfortable spinning chair? A salon, a place to offer comfort and care for those so often denied it.
With another sniff, Susie wiped at her eyes. “Thanks, Haze…”
“Don’t worry about it. We’re supposed to be there for each other, you know.”
“Jeez, stop reading my mind…”
“I know you too well, kitten! Just focus on being all curled up in my arms here, and stop your ruminating. If you really wanna ‘give back’ it can wait.”
Susie felt Haze’s arms give her a quick squeeze as she leaned into her. “I’m still making you dinner tomorrow… it’ll help me feel better!”
“I don’t even want to argue against that, do I?” Haze laughed as Susie shook her head in response. “Course not, but… do you think you can get back to sleep?”
Even if Susie nodded, she didn’t want to move.
“Okay kitten, scooch over and I’ll hold you.”
“Fiiine…” With a sigh Susie crawled off of her and plopped into the still empty half of the bed.
It was only a brief moment before Haze’s arms wrapped around her waist. Her body pressed into Susie’s back, already sharing that warmth. Susie wiggled in her grip. A breathy giggle played against her neck as Haze pulled the covers over her.
“Okay, all tucked in?”
She nodded again, humming lightly. Having Haze close like this was always so nice. Even if it wasn’t a solution to the nightmares there was no denying that the creature comfort of her lover’s proximity was a soothing balm: more than she had ever expected to have. She had always found it was better to accept what she could find when she found it, and if Haze pulling her close was what she could find now she’d accept it with open arms. Besides, it was the least she could do. Haze had accepted her, scars and all.
Haze’s breath slowed, as sleep slowly fell over her; each breath a pulse against Susie’s neck, a warm metronome to guide her to sleep as warmth overtook her. Maybe this really was all she needed. Being able to sleep like this, live like this… it was a wonderful little dream that Susie knew she’d hold with all her might.
And maybe, just maybe, the dream would continue. Susie hoped it would, as sleep slowly took her.