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He Xuan felt dreadful. His body is aching. His mind was running wild. Another nightmare had accompanied him throughout his sleep. Can it be considered a nightmare.. when it was a memory of his past life?
He Xuan was a man in his 20s, working as a clerk at a notorious company in China. Though his position is a lowly clerk, one easily disposed of, his salary would put several highly paid social workers to shame monthly with over 5 digits. Though, it was nothing compared to the luxury he felt in his past life as he shared that wealth with the younger brother of the Shi Siblings.
In his past life, He Xuan remembered. The way his fate was swapped with Shi Qingxuan. To the point he had to be in endless suffering from the start till the end of his life, even as a calamity that is enough to shake the heavens. He remembered vividly, the way Shi Wudu was so focused on protecting his younger brother. Not even faltering when He Xuan had easily detached his head from his body.
However, the thrill of revenge didn't come to him as he expected before. In fact.. he felt empty like an empty shell. As if he is living for nothing. But there was an ache inside him. He remembered how Shi Qingxuan, his proclaimed best friend, was crying, thrashing and begging him to spare his brother some mercy. He was crying, apologising but He Xuan was cruel. The calamity had even amputated some of his limbs and left him to rot as mere mortal begging for money and fighting for survival with disability.
The man remembered how when Qingxuan had fallen, he had felt empty. He was watching the former after all. Always watching over him as a sense of longing embraces him but it was too late. Qingxuan hated him and he was supposed to hate Qingxuan too for all the misfortune he had undergone. When Qingxuan perished, He Xuan roamed the land for barely a few longer before he himself faded into nothingness and was reborn. He had long learnt it had been over a millenia since the incident yet it always comes back haunting him in his dreams.
A sigh emits He Xuan's lips as he decides to push aside the thoughts and starts getting ready. It was only 6:30 in the morning and his work started at 8:30. The trip would take roughly an hour and if he leaves early, he might even be able to catch some coffee. So his plan for the day is settled. He would get ready, grab a cup of coffee on his way to work, be at work on time and leave on time.
Shower for him didn't take too long. Considering how easily his fingers itch should he stay in water for way too long. Perhaps it was a way for Shi Wudu to punish him even after his death. The assumption made He Xuan chuckled. How he missed Shi Qingxuan but.. it is too late now. He has to move on.
When He Xuan was done, he was dressed in a formal black shirt, white tie and black slacks. His long black hair is tied up using a green ribbon. For some reason, green reminded him of Qingxuan and he wishes to cherish that in all of his lives as a way to show his love towards the fallen God.
The trip to the coffee shop didn't take too long. It's barely 7:10 when he entered the shop and yet, the queue already had 5 people in front of him. He wanted to complain but decided against it knowing it'll benefit him nothing. It's better to be silent and get all of this over with.
At long last, it was finally his turn to place his order. However, before even a single word could leave his throat, he stumbled to the side at the force of a young man dressed in fine silk from head to toe bumping into him and cutting his line. Thankfully, no one else had been standing behind him. He sent a glare at the lad, one enough to quiver anyone who made contact with it but the other seemed to not notice.
That's when He Xuan realised. The figure was.. too similar. The long brown wavy hair reaching the back of his waist, the droops on his back when he stands, the way he walks, the curves of his body figure, the soft voice with a hint of a slightly high pitch with his words. He Xuan almost grieved and cried at the realisation that the one before him was Qingxuan. Or at least someone who resembles his past love.
The second the man turned to face him, He Xuan lost all contact with reality. Stunning emerald orbs staring into his almost icy ones. His sharp nose exhaling a panted breath, his pale skin flawlessly contrasting with his darker hair tone which made his figure stand out. His lips are luscious and soft, as well as slightly red. He's unsure whether it was from a lipstick or the true colour of it but he desired to have a taste of them. All he knows is that.. the man before him is majestic and is the perfect copy of his Qingxuan.
He Xuan was stunned in his spot, his eyes were so large it felt like they could pop out of his eye sockets. His breathing slightly hitching up yet not reaching the level to bring danger or alarm towards himself or others. Was this a dream created to torment him again? To remind him of how cruel he was to his beloved? He Xuan froze in his spot, all thoughts and senses leaving him as he stared at the man before his eyes.
Though if that's really Shi Qingxuan, why was he wearing that? A green crop top with a see through crop over it, green pants with see through skirts starting from his high waist, leaving a small window towards his skin. Chains dangling on each side of his hips. A teal green bracelet hooked on his left wrist and his hair flowy and wavy down to his lower back though looking slightly dishevelled. If Shi Wudu is still the lad’s brother, wouldn't he have ripped and teared off everything in an instant? And just where is the man running off in such a hurry to?
“I-I am really sorry, kind sir. I just finished my shift and I really need to get back home before my brother notices I'm gone!” Came the sweet yet slightly raspy voice. It was honey-like, yet with a hint of deepness and raspiness that could leave those listening to stay engaged to listen more. He Xuan is no better case.
He was lured in by the honey voice, his head empty as he took in the sweet harmony perfectly forming into words. Oh how he missed the voice dearly. Missed the way the high-pitched tone formed upon calling his nickname, missed every “Ming-xiong!" though he finds it annoying, yet still endearing. He missed the way the tone of voice would lower when in fear or sadness and always calling for him as a safe place. He Xuan almost teared up at the thought.
Unfortunately, he was snapped out of his thoughts when he heard the barista call out the man's order. “One medium vanilla latte for Shi Qingxuan! One medium vanilla latte for Shi Qingxuan!”
The man seemed to be jolting onto his feet and quickly grabbed the drink. Though before he left, Qingxuan gave He Xuan a small smile accompanied by a head nod that seemed to represent a bow. So He Xuan's guess was right, Qingxuan too was reincarnated into this fine gentleman before him. Yet.. why did it seem like Qingxuan remembered nothing? How could he smile and act as if nothing happened to He Xuan when he was the reason the former died such a miserable death?
However, He Xuan does not have time to reminisce about it. He had a train to catch. So he placed his order, one large black cappuccino to go and waited. His mind spiralled to think of Qingxuan. His smile never falters, never changing even a bit from his past life. He missed it. He wishes to see Qingxuan once again yet he knew this was his one and last chance to meet the other unless fate had another dream for them.
So, he took this opportunity to ask around the customers having their morning coffee in the cafe. It didn't go unnoticed by him at how some of the customers, whether men or women, had been smirking and staring when Qingxuan came into the cafe. It seems they do know something about Qingxuan so why would he let this chance escape? Why would he let Qingxuan go in this lifetime when he had the opportunity to fix everything up?
“Sir, Miss, I noticed the both of you were snickering when that lad came in. Do you perhaps know him? I wish to see him, if you do know where he lives or where he works, that would be helpful." He Xuan asked, icy orbs fixed on what seemed like a couple in their mid-20s. He ignored how the couple were looking at him with glee and a teasing look. He wanted answers and he would do what he could to get them.
“Oh lad.. that man that got you so stunned is Windy. I suggest not falling in love with him. After all, he is a stripper at a club not so far from here." Came the reply from the woman and He Xuan could've sworn his ears ring. Achingly that is. He couldn't believe the woman. Qingxuan is a stripper? How is he working as a stripper? No, why is he working as a stripper? Oh how the mighty have fallen so low. All those questions made He Xuan dizzy from the lack of answers. He needs to ask them directly.
“A stripper you say? At which club? I really wish to see him.” If He Xuan noticed how the couple was looking at him with a teasing smirk, he pretended not to notice it. Though the snickering was really making his patience running thin and the last time it happened, someone's brother got his head decapitated.
"Hm.. I think you can find him at the Fengzi Chuoyue club. However, you need to be someone of wealth considering.. that pretty boy is pretty expensive~ an hour of his service cost a good 3940 yuan.” The man answered. He Xuan did the mathematics in his head and scoffed. It was barely $550 and the couple said Qingxuan is expensive. They're truly undeserving of him. Though, a part of He Xuan warmed at the thought that at least, Qingxuan is not putting himself at a low and unforgivable cost. He's glad that Qingxuan is still someone so expensive like he was in the past.
He Xuan nodded and bowed to the couple even if he knew they didn't deserve it. However, he owes it to them. Without their assistance, he might never know where Qingxuan works after all. For that, he's grateful. When his order was called out, He Xuan decided to cast aside the thought of Qingxuan so he can go to work and do what's tasked upon him properly. He just needed a bit more patience and maybe, he'll visit the club Qingxuan worked at once his shift ended. So, his routine for today has been reorganised.
Alright, He Xuan can't be blamed if throughout the day, all he's been thinking about is the excitement to see Shi Qingxuan. The thrill to see that smile once again, to see that sharp and beautiful features of his beloved. Though he can't say he understood the meaning of love just yet. All he knew was that he felt happy when he saw Qingxuan happy, and he felt grief when Qingxuan was in pain. He felt emptiness when Qingxuan left him. He felt fulfilled when he saw Qingxuan once again. So if that's not love, he doesn't know what it is.
Thank goodness his shift ended at 6pm that day. That meant he wouldn't have to work overtime, wouldn't have to be late to meet Qingxuan at his workplace and would have the entire night admiring the lad. So, he scrambles off his feet, rushing to catch the earlier train. If his calculations don't betray him, there would be a train at 6:30 which meant he would arrive at 7:30 at most, with a few minutes walk he would arrive home before 8 hopefully and he would arrive at the club at 9 pm once he changed into a better outfit.
True to his calculations, He Xuan reached the front of the club roughly at 8:57 pm. Though he's considered early, the club can be said to be greatly packed. The crowd formed inside is a good enough evidence. Being someone who hated crowded places, He Xuan sighed defeatedly. His mind preparing for the unneeded socialising he had to endure just for his beloved.
He Xuan wasn't catching much attention that night. Considering how performers had started making their performance and how he seems to be blending in more with the shadow, it's no surprise only a small handful of people came to try their chance with him. Still, despite blending in well with the shadow, He Xuan was looking very attractive to those who paid attention to him.
He Xuan was in a black button up shirt, though two of the first buttons were undid exposing his fine collarbone which if one squinted properly, would be able to see a tattoo hiding behind the shirt, his collared sleeves were folded into his arms, exposing his muscular and beautifully tattooed arms.
With the lighting dimmed, He Xuan's eyes looked beautifully shiny, like a diamond. His long, silky smooth black hair tied neatly into a high ponytail. His lips have a small piercing on it, with his left ear having an earring in the shape of a fan. To put it simply, He Xuan looked like one of the majestic beings from heaven above.
Though, what caught the man's eyes was the figure now going on stage. His outfit looked hot. Green pants and crop top, with see-through clothes that gave the side window to his hips and tummy even sexier. His face covered by a see-through veil, his body finely decorated with jewelleries. It was just like him earlier in the morning but this time, much more revealing with the window to his broad chest, his smooth shoulders and collarbone. People were yelling so loudly but He Xuan's brain short-circuited. He couldn't hear much except for the words emitted by the fine man on the stage.
The sight alone made He Xuan drool in his mouth. The smooth, jade skin that's being exposed causing several men and women to go crazy made He Xuan jealous. He felt angry that someone else was given the luxury to see such a heavenly view.
What upsets him more was that throughout the 15 minutes the lad was performing on the stage, the way he sways his hips that got everyone going berserk and the way that despite He Xuan did his best to dress up for Qingxuan, he wasn't noticed by the other. Though, the reason quickly came as he's blending in more with the wall than with the crowd, thus making it harder for the beautiful man to notice him.
He Xuan had to fix that. So, with a wave of courage rushing through him, he made his way out of the shadow and proceeded to join in the crowd. He didn't exactly get to the very front but he wasn't too far back where his existence won't be noticed by Qingxuan. Icy orbs gazed upon the man once praised and loved by the heavens. Hell, even some of the underworld praises him and his elegant figure in the past.
Though, as they say, soulmates have this magnetic force that causes them to attract one another. Perhaps heaven wants to give them a chance, Qingxuan laid his emerald orbs on He Xuan's icy ones. As if he laid eyes on a majestic being, Qingxuan's breath hitch and his movements slowed down. His lips parted slightly and his cheeks glowed red as he kept the intense eye contact with the black haired man. Oh how He Xuan wanted to claim those lips, but he held in his desire.
Money was being thrown onto the stage, piling up quickly with bills from every dollar note bill. He Xuan knows he's getting envious of such. Qingxuan was supposed to only dance to him. He was only supposed to be this hot for him. Only for him. Only his to spoil.
So, he opted for the only solution. He Xuan approached one of the attending managers, a large amount of cash fitting in his hand as he handed it to the other. His expression devoid of any emotion and his voice cold. “I want Windy to give me a private show. For an hour. If this isn't enough, I'll give more." He Xuan said, it didn't take long for the manager to leave and come back with a waitress to lead him to his VIP room. He after all had given $1000 to the manager for this moment.
He Xuan entered the room and was guided to one of the soft divan placed in the middle of the room. The room was spacious to say the least. Its extravagant interior is heavily designed to create an intimate mood. Soft red light accompanied with dimmed yellow ones to create an atmosphere suitable for intimate activities. Though, those thoughts don't dare cross He Xuan's mind that night. He rented Qingxuan to held him close, cherish him instead as a way to make up for their shared past.
Not even 5 minutes later, Shi Qingxuan entered the room. His gaze low onto the floor, his cheeks tinted pink and simply by his body language, it's clear that he's flustered and shy. He Xuan kept a small smile, delighted by such expressions. He patted a spot next to him on the divan, a cold smile decorating his face and without a second of hesitation, Qingxuan approached ever so shyly.
“What can I do.. for you tonight, Master He Xuan?" Qingxuan asked, though his voice now is much more sultry. As if breathless and yet so seductive. Hell, if He Xuan doesn't have enough self-control, the lad would've been laid and pounded hard.
“Sit next to me, Qingxuan. I don't want your service tonight. I wish to see you." He Xuan answered. Despite his cold front, his voice is probably one of the softest he ever let out. The surprised look on the former God was not left unnoticed as he approached the divan and took a seat next to the man in black hair.
A moment of silence past them. Though, it wasn't unwelcomed. It allows the two of them to get comfortable and for He Xuan to prepare himself. Qingxuan decided he had to be the one to break this welcomed but tense silence.
“Uhm.. Master He Xuan.. I.. I'm sorry for earlier this morning..” that manages to grab He Xuan's attention by snapping out of his thoughts. Now he's curious. After all, he remembered the lad mentioning he had a brother and ran off. If it's Shi Wudu, only heaven knows what's coming for Qingxuan should he figure it out. “My brother would usually be back home at 8 am.. he left at 7pm in the evening. He works the night shift for both of us and.. I had to cut you off earlier cause he would be home soon that time."
He Xuan nodded understanding. Honestly, he couldn't blame Qingxuan. Shi Wudu is really a man who would go berserk if he knew such things are happening to his younger brother. After all, he's a very overprotective brother to Qingxuan. “It's fine. I understand. Qingxuan, you look so pretty tonight. But I want to know. Why are you a stripper?"
The question seems to freeze Qingxuan in his spot. Should he tell the truth? After all, He Xuan is a total stranger to him. Yet he felt such a close bond with the man that he didn't care. He felt safe talking this out with the lad.
“I pity my brother. He works tirelessly to ensure we have food on the table. So.. I became a stripper to help him. I said I helped my college friend and received some pay but in truth..” Qingxuan's words came to a short halt. His tone seems to lower as he expresses himself. He doesn't even remember when was the last time he had someone who was so keen on listening to him. "I skip college in secret so he doesn't have to pay for it."
The former God sounds relieved. As if this was something he had been hiding in for months, wanting to talk it out with someone and express his feelings. He Xuan was glad he was the one chosen for it. Throughout the entire hour He Xuan's time was running, they had conversations. One after another. Getting to know each other better even if it is just Qingxuan getting to know He Xuan better considering the latter had a good memory of Qingxuan in their last lives.
That quickly becomes a routine. He Xuan would go to work every morning and bumped into Qingxuan on his way. The latter would always smile and wave in his direction before running off. When his work finishes, He Xuan would quickly get home to change and find himself in the club by 9:15pm. By then, he would be able to see Qingxuan performing and he would occasionally pay for a private room with the other, just to talk and enjoy their private time together with sweet intimation. By time, He Xuan had already become a regular.
It didn't take long for Qingxuan to bring He Xuan to meet his brother. Though he was nervous, he managed to cover it up professionally. True to his suspicion, the brother of the man he has feelings for is Shi Wudu. For once, he thanked Heaven, or maybe Xie Lian, who is to say, for not giving them the memories of what he did in their past lives.
Not much longer, He Xuan and Qingxuan had started living together in He Xuan's apartment. Though he now has wealth, He Xuan prefers to live in the mediocre. Making his apartment complex spacious enough to bring comfort. His interior design too isn't too hardcore, only having a mini aquarium with several fishes of different species inside. His walls are painted in black and green, a combination of his and Qingxuan's colour. There would be some minor paintings on the wall, however the biggest one would be the painting of The Young Lord who Poured Wine. His personal favourite.
Qingxuan was fascinated by it to say the least. Always talking about how the young master was so wealthy and a tale known in all the realms. How he admired it, how he wished he was just as wealthy and how he wished he had been in the timeline to meet with the young master in the said tale. All of it caused He Xuan to chuckle in the depth of his mind finding that Qingxuan was so clueless that he was the young master in said tale in his previous life is cute.
With that, the new journey of their lives begun. Each night when Qingxuan would be working, He Xuan would find himself at the club, paying almost double the amount required for a private session with Qingxuan and talked with him for the hour. Before they are rudely interrupted as a reminder that their time is up and the next time they'll see each other is at the comfort of their home.
When both of them had their days off, usually on Sunday since by Qingxuan's words, not a lot of people enjoys being at a club the day before working, He Xuan would bring the other out. Practically spoiling him endless with his every wants and needs.
He Xuan would buy several jewelleries made out of golds and diamonds to decorate Qingxuan, not allowing the other to look any less expensive than he is. He would dress him in only fine and high quality silks that would scream wealth from afar. Occasionally, he would surprise Qingxuan with a bottle of Zumzin Peach Wine that would start at a price of $699, knowing the other used to love the taste of peach wine and nag about it to him when they were the renowned Earth and Wind Masters.
All in all, Qingxuan is definitely a very spoiled person thanks to He Xuan. The latter also took notice of how Qingxuan would become a lot more clingy and needy, always wanting his attention which he pays no heed for considering he loved the presence of the other. Despite his inner ego refusing to believe it due to their past.
It took a while for He Xuan to finally snapped on himself. To finally realize what he's doing. How he's wasting thousands of dollars in a span of one week just to be able to see Qingxuan at his workplace. It dawned on him heavily and he sure didn't have such a good time with it.
‘Xuan, just what the fuck are you doing?! Wasting so much money like that! Are you really that pathetic that you spend over thousands of dollars in a span of a week?! You don't even like him! You're just desperate and pretending!’ the voices in his head yelled.
It was almost 8 pm and Qingxuan had left for work. So He Xuan was left with his thoughts all over the place and with it getting the better of him, he decided not to see Qingxuan at the club that night without informing him. His head bury into the pillow that had Qingxuan's peach scent all over it. A frustrated groan emits his throat as he loses himself to the peacefulness of sleep.
The next morning happened to be a Sunday. Qingxuan was thrilled at the fact that he had planned for them to go out and spend some time together. He Xuan though was not as thrilled. He was locked away in his mind, his lips pulled together into a string of line and his eyes lacking the usual light on them. He wasn't even paying attention to the rambling of the other beside him.
“Xuan, it would be beautiful! The air is going to be so nice and fresh! We can get a lot of street foods! You'll have to bear my annoyances though! Xuan! Xuan are you listening to me? He Xuannn!" Qingxuan whined. It was so like him to act like a child, whiny from the lack of attention from He Xuan. Although, the latter was finding it hard to stay composed with each words coming out of Qingxuan's lips, not when his own mind had gotten to the best of him.
“He Xuan! Pay attention to me! Pay atte-"
“Could you be silent for a while, Shi Qingxuan?!" He Xuan snapped. His icy orbs finally causing every nerve and cell in Qingxuan's body to freeze. It was so cold, it was so dark and piercing. The way they glare at him made Qingxuan felt like throwing up, not used to such treatments from the man he loved.
“I've made up my mind. This isn't working. I'm not going to spend so much money on a stripper. Plus, we aren't even dating. I'm not even in love with you.” The words were so cold, so filled with resentment that Qingxuan finds his world crashing and crumbling into nothingness.
Qingxuan stared at He Xuan, his eyes glassy and his fingers trembling ever so slightly. His breath hitches and his voice comes out quiet and broken. It was clearly plastered on his face how betrayed he felt, how he is holding back tears, how he was holding himself up despite the way his legs wobble.
“W-what do you mean, Xuan..? You can't possibly.. no..” Qingxuan whispered. Tears threatening to flow angrily down his cheeks. His emerald orbs fixed on He Xuan, hoping, wishing, begging for him to take it all back and say this was a harmless prank. Yet, the cold look he received was enough of an answer to confirm his horror. His nightmare.
"Xuan.. I-I can change.. please.. I will stop being a stripper if that satisfies you! Anything! I'll do anything!" Qingxuan begged. He seems to be gasping for air as he tried holding in the way his chest tightens at the revelation. Was this all a joke to He Xuan? Was his feelings nothing but a mere toy to satisfy him? For some reason, a part of Qingxuan's heart aches at the familiar feeling of betrayal.
“I've told you, I never loved you. So leave, Shi Qingxuan. We aren't even technically dating, what are you getting so upset for-" He Xuan didn't manage to finish his sentence, before a palm met his cheek in a way that it stings yet it numbs everything else. His face turns towards the direction he was slapped at, his head tilting slightly. Unconsciously, a hand raised up to his cheek, as if only feeling the pain now.
Before him stood Shi Qingxuan, whose eyes have turned red as if straining himself from crying further. His eyebrows furrowed and his expression didn't lack any fury. His palm being red being the only evidence that he had indeed slapped He Xuan. For a second, He Xuan felt numb and empty as he stared boredly into the piercing gaze of Shi Qingxuan.
“You're an asshole, He Xuan.. a bastard.. if my feelings are simply for you to toy with, fine. Two can play this game." Within seconds, everything He Xuan bought for Qingxuan met the floor. Diamonds and gold jewelleries, high quality silks hugging his figure, soft padded shoes covering his feet and expensive hairpieces. What was left of Qingxuan was simply his undergarments and as the lad went to pack up his things, bought using his own money, his strained voice was heard echoing throughout the otherwise silent apartment.
“I'll work hard and give back every penny you've wasted on me. From the very second we met. Don't worry, I'll settle my debt soon.” Qingxuan muttered, his shoulders shaking. The only indication he was crying was the gasp hiding the sob following along. It didn't take too long before Qingxuan left, barefooted and looking more dishevelled than a homeless man. For once, the apartment was silent yet the silence was so loud in He Xuan's mind.
At long last, everything was back towards the way it was. The apartment is now silent, his presence the only indication someone is inhibiting the place. He Xuan felt as if everything was back to normal, so what is this empty void in his heart that starts to ache? He decided to push the thought and ache aside, proceeding to take a bottle of wine and drowns himself into the intoxicating taste. It won't take long for the empty void to be filled.. yeah.. it won't take long.
Turns out, he had been very wrong. He Xuan had been very wrong at his speculation. The void, did not in fact, be filled but rather enlarging, enveloping He Xuan in this constant feeling of emptiness and longing. As if a part of his soul had been torn apart to let him live a life so agonisingly empty and numb as well as silent.
There would no longer be constant giggles breaking the silence. No more “He-Xiong~!" echoing throughout the apartment. No more peach scent that could calm He Xuan in milliseconds. No more surprise hugs or sneaky kisses that would melt him. No more words of affirmation that would praise him for every bit of his achievements. No more three word phrases consisting of “I love you". No more whiny tantrums being thrown around each time attention wasn't given.
To put it simply, everything was back to normal but everything was wrong. Living in this apartment alone felt wrong. Living a life without Shi Qingxuan by his side feels wrong. He Xuan didn't feel peace for even a single second as he stayed inside the confining space, feeling as though he's suffocating from the lack of sunshine Qingxuan is.
Not even 2 weeks later, He Xuan had finally made up his mind. He gathered enough courage throughout these two weeks, preparing himself mentally with every sort of rejection and reaction he would gain. He prepared each of his words, revising them to ensure he won't mess up.
So, on a Friday evening, He Xuan made his move. Considering the lad only working 5 days a week and has the weekends for himself, he needn't worry for tomorrow. He would have enough time to recover tomorrow no matter the outcome. Thus, that night, he made his move.
He Xuan arrived in front of the club at 9:15 pm, pretty late due to the fact he was fidgeting nervously and rethinking this action throughout the ride here. However, he decided not to be a coward anymore, not to succumb to the voices in his head playing tricks on him again.
Each step he took was a calculated ones, his mind revising the words he'll say. Step after step, he finally made it into the club. Given how it's a Friday night, the situation was.. chaotic to say the least. He'd try to avoid coming to the club on Friday, often opting to either arrive very early or never arrive at all. As he's someone who hates the crowd, it's often the latter.
Without a doubt, He Xuan decided to give himself a bit more time. To gather more courage. The man then made his way to the bar first thing. He Xuan isn't exactly a heavy drinker. Though he drinks occasionally, most of them would be drinks with a small amount of alcohol in it. Never enough to drive him past the point of tipsiness.
Several glasses of red wine after, He Xuan finds himself standing amongst the crowd. Despite the dancers being able to captivate the attention of the crowd, a good portion of them find themselves swooning over him. To think of it, He Xuan kind of regret the way he dressed up for the night with the attention on him being more than what he usually handles.
He Xuan was in his maroon buttoned up shirt, accompanied with a charming gold tie to pop out the combination. To match with his formal appearance, He Xuan opted on a pair of black chinos pants that hugged his waist perfectly. His shirt tucked in and his sleeves revealing inks upon inks of elegant tattoos he'd gotten. His fingers have several black rings to accompany them, making them look much more attractive. His hair is up, tied by the green ribbon he'd find himself wearing.
He Xuan took notice of how this is probably the most burst of colour he would ever find himself wearing. Often opting to wear black and occasionally white when the situation calls for it. Of course, with his attractive figure, people swoon over him and those who don't are more distracted at the sight of the dancers swaying their hips and flashing their figures.
When Qingxuan came on the stage, as always, He Xuan's breath would easily be snatched away. No matter the amount of times he had seen the former wearing these sorts of attire, so revealing yet never enough, he would find himself drooling and captivated by the sight. Heaven surely knows of his weakness with the way that slender waist moves so attractively, he might as well be on his knees to worship Qingxuan.
Unable to resist the sight, He Xuan rushed towards the manager in charge. Surprisingly, those two might just become friends. The manager had always known that He Xuan would only choose Qingxuan so by the time he approached, the former would only ask for how long. Without a second to waste, He Xuan gave him a cash worth of $1500. His only words are “two hours. Keep my identity a secret." before the manager disappears amongst the crowd.
True to He Xuan's calculations, he was led into the VIP room with no resistance. He kind of expects some resistance thinking he may not be allowed to see Qingxuan anymore but he's not complaining. What is more important now is how he's going to apologise for his mistakes and make up for it. Even if the other won't accept him in his life back.
Minutes later, the door to the VIP room opened, revealing a veiled Qingxuan with his gaze on the floor. If in the past, it's due to shyness, right now, He Xuan noticed it's because of sadness he tried to push away. Silence washed over them for a minute, both trying to regain composure to start and as always, Qingxuan broke the silence.
“How may I be to your satisfaction tonight, young master?” Qingxuan asked, his voice though sultry and sweet had a hint of raspiness and hoarseness in them. As if he had been screaming prior to entering the room. It made He Xuan feel slightly bad.
“Come here. I wish to see you better.” He Xuan commanded. His hand patted his lap as if signing Qingxuan to take a seat there. Hesitance appeared on Qingxuan's expressions, his eyes linger slightly above to meet the gesture before they lowered. Given how he's a stripper, this has become a normal occurrence and who is he to deny any of his customer's wishes? So, with slow little steps, Qingxuan finds himself sitting comfortably on his favourite seat, which is He Xuan's lap.
Boney fingers made contact with his chin, tilting them upwards to make Qingxuan look up rather than keeping his gaze downwards and dear hell, Qingxuan almost faint at the view. He Xuan looking down at him with his eyes expressing so much love, icy orbs turning soft that it feels as if it melted, lips piercing causing him to look way hotter than he already is and oh the gentle yet firm grip on his chin.. Qingxuan might just kneel and obey each word this man would say. Though he knew his limits which made him squirm under the gaze.
“Please.. tell me what the young master wants from me.. our time is running..” Qingxuan murmured. As if he was holding back everything, trying to act as professional as he possibly could. After all, the man before him had shattered his heart into dust and scattered them away carefreely.
“I want to inspect you.." the words started, He Xuan's voice is dark and deep, as if holding the possessiveness in him. “Look at me in the eyes, Shi Qingxuan."
As if being casted under a spell, Qingxuan focused on He Xuan's eyes, feeling much smaller under those gazes. Possessiveness, love, care, regret, sadness, overwhelming emotions overflowing from one simple look and Qingxuan finds it hard to avert his attention elsewhere.
“QingQing, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for that day, alright?" He Xuan started, causing emerald orbs to widen before their gaze fell again and it took a small lift from his fingers to lift the gaze once more unto himself. “I was consumed by the darkness my mind created. I was wrong, QingQing. It feels empty without you, everything feels wrong without you.."
Qingxuan listened carefully, though he felt sorrow making their way upon him, he felt slight joy too. But he isn't quick to forgive, his pride and worth is much more than that so he opted to stay silent.
“I want you back in my life, QingQing.. it's not complete without your presence in it.." Though his voice sounded as if he's begging, He Xuan doesn't care. He wants Qingxuan, needs him and if he needed to kneel and beg for forgiveness from the latter, he definitely would, without a single complaint.
“What makes you think.. a simple apology is enough to make up for a shattered heart, He Xuan?" Qingxuan voiced out, his voice completely strained as if holding back the sadness welling up in him. It was an attempt to not let anyone see how his heart breaks and it pained He Xuan to know he was the reason.
He Xuan for once found that he is rendered speechless. His voice strained in his throat, as if disallowing him from saying another word. From fear he could hurt Qingxuan once again. So, to make up for his words, He Xuan raised his hand to caress the cheek of the other, his thumb gently brushing against the soft cheek he longed to bite. However, he puts that thought to a halt. There's more pressing matter in hand he is yet to fix.
“Xuan.. how could I know I can trust your words if I ever re-enter your life again?” His words flow despite his protest. His tears flow onto his cheeks despite his trial to hold it in. With each tear, He Xuan finds himself wiping it away lovingly. “How can I know you won't just snap at me and tell me you've never loved me..?"
"Indeed.. a sorry is never enough.. but I need you, QingQing.. I need you..”
"I'm a stripper. Why would you even need a stripper?” Those words hit He Xuan hard. After all, he remembered saying such harsh words to Qingxuan weeks ago when he decided to break things between them. His eyes widened and before he noticed what he was doing, he had embraced Qingxuan tightly in his embrace.
“I'm sorry.. I'm sorry.. I'm sorry.. I didn't.. I.. I'm sorry, QingQing.." His own tears seemed to overflow, as he held Qingxuan closely to him. He Xuan finds himself pathetic like this, when he was the reason the other was crying and yet he is the one breaking down. He is embraced by the feeling of guilt, regret and sadness, even anger towards himself.
Qingxuan rests his head on He Xuan's chest, given how he's much smaller compared to the other. Tears slowly staining the other's maroon shirt which he'll care for later. Quiet sniffles filled the room as he whispered quietly.
“Xuan..” That alone is enough for He Xuan to gain composure. He leaned back slightly, noticing how the corner of Qingxuan's eyes are red and the way his eyes are puffy made him feel even worse but he needed to listen to what the other was going to say.
“I won't trust you.. I won't show you love.. I won't be affectionate with you nor will I be as comfortable. You'd have to earn those. Are you still wanting me?” Qingxuan asked. He needed to get that straight. His trust had been severely broken without a second thought, his feelings left to be toyed with. So he had to ensure He Xuan knows he won't be getting the same luxury anytime soon.
“Yes. I will earn those back.. I just need you in my life.." He Xuan pleaded. Silence embraced the room as it seemed Qingxuan was giving himself some thoughts. The former never seemed to mind it. His beloved can take as much time as needed and he'll wait for him nevertheless. He deserved to wait after all the pain he had caused.
The silence didn't stay for long. Yet it felt like years when sorrow and grief filled the air. “Fine. I'll be in your life again, He Xuan."
Oh how He Xuan wanted to jump with joy and pepper so many kisses on Qingxuan. How he wanted to thank him while embracing him closely. How he wanted to just kneel and beg for forgiveness from the other.
“I promise.. I'll earn back what I've thrown away.. I'll love you so sincerely you'll never find others as sincere as me.."
“Mmn. I still have to work, you know? You have less than an hour with me-” Qingxuan did not manage to finish his words before a pair of lips met his, pulling it into a soft kiss filled with devotion. It did take Qingxuan by surprise but he's not complaining. The kiss was pleasant, melting every inch of Qingxuan so nicely.
When they parted, He Xuan had a satisfied smile on his face at how Qingxuan seemed to be slightly flushed. He led the two up, ensuring Qingxuan is very close to his own being, pampering him with light kisses as a way of claiming him.
“You're not going to work here anymore, QingQing. You're going to quit and go to college. I'll fund everything.”
With that, the two leave the room. Qingxuan had to apply for immediate resignation and He Xuan kept his beloved around his arms. Cold, icy glare given to those who dared take a look at Qingxuan's heavenly figure before they left the club for good and if He Xuan spent the next few weeks and months into pampering Qingxuan and spoiling him in every way imaginable, it's only a tale for them to tell.
A tale of a fallen God and a calamity, reincarnated into normal beings and lived their lives to its fullest, loving and admiring each other closely.
“Indeed.. even in this world.. I still love you, Qingxuan.."