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In retrospect, he probably should have caught on sooner that something was, well, not wrong per se. Even he had to admit that something wasn’t exactly kosher. But really, things like his appetite increasing were easily explained by him hitting a growth spurt (shut up, Rhodey). Him not getting sick during the past few flu seasons was simply his totally awesome immune system (again, shut up Rhodey). Him eventually being able to use the treadmill at its highest speed without breaking a sweat was… hey, at least he was going to the gym. And his broken wrist healing in three days… clearly it had only been sprained. Everyone had obviously been overreacting. Him accidentally being crushed by a car he was working on and walking away with only a few bruises… that one was harder to explain.
For the most part, the strange but not exactly unwelcome changes weren’t outwardly noticeable. His build was lean, and he was still shorter than Rhodey (seriously, you need a better hobby, Platypus). But the older he got, the more apparent it became to the world at large that something was up.
He brushed off the rumours about his supposed plastic surgery and botox injections. He knew he didn’t need it and didn’t care what others thought. Besides, Howard had looked pretty good for his age. Despite a few wrinkles and his hair being purely white at 74 when he’d died, the man hadn’t really started going grey until 1978. His mother had aged quite well herself. Every time he was asked how he did it, he simply cited good genes. And if people underestimated and overlooked Tony for appearing to be in his mid-twenties at the most (could hardly tell he was almost 47), then he had no problem using that attitude to his advantage. Though, when it came to dear ol’ Cap, he’s not sure if it was his youthful good looks (he was simultaneously older and younger than the man who was 30 going on 98) or his personality (it truly is stellar, Honey-Bear, and you know it) that made the older/younger taller man look at him with a pinched, constipated expression on more than the rare occasion.
Even in retrospect, there was no way of ever predicting that he’d be standing in a Hydra bunker in Siberia with the maybe not so objectively hot guy who was responsible for, well, maybe infecting him with a super soldier serum back in 1989 would be more on the nose. Cause, let’s face it, that was one hell of an STD/STI to realize he was toting around.
At first, Tony had wanted to track that particular one-night stand down just to get a closer look at the metal cybernetic arm the guy had. (Let’s be real, what he was able to get a look at was almost enough to make him come in his pants.) A metal arm he still dreamt about circling around his torso, holding up all his body weight as the guy pressed to his back made him forget who he was while free standing in round three. He glanced at said metal arm, blushing as he remembered the feel of those surprisingly dexterous fingers opening him up. Idly, he wonders if it was swallowing that first round, that metal arm rubbing super sperm into his skin after round two, or the two times the guy came inside him that really ensured the serum was thoroughly transferred. (Probably a combination.)
The more he had learned about his mystery lover over the years (the guy’s secret identity was the Winter Soldier who, even that night, he’d thought looked a heck of a lot like the long-dead Sargent James Buchanan Barnes), the more he both needed to know and wanted to forget (no one deserved to be unmade and stitched back together like that, not even Killian or Hammer or Stane… maybe Hammer cause he couldn’t get anymore like an idiot… okay, not even him). The video currently playing on one of the screens had torn his heart apart three times when he’d first seen it back when FRIDAY had found it in the SHIELDRA data dump. Once as he realized what had actually happened to his parents, twice more when he realized (a) it was his tortured brainwashed mystery lover and (2) his mystery lover’s secret secret identity actually was Sargent Barnes and had all that happen to him.
As the confused and startled voice of his Father says the man’s name, Tony turns to the third man in the room. His expression isn’t what Tony expects for someone who’s seeing it for the first time. It makes him wonder…
“Did you know?”
"I didn't know it was him." Rogers at least has the decency to look a little apologetic, but Tony’s not sure what part he’s actually apologetic for.
"Don't bullshit me, Rogers, did you know?"
The long pause grates loudly. "... yes."
And Tony has to know. "How long?"
Another pause. Another moment where Steve Sometimes-my-teammates-don’t-tell-me-things Rogers considers withholding something else. "... since shortly before the fall of SHIELD…"
More than anything, at this moment, Tony's pissed at just how much Rogers is a hypocrite. They wanted to blame various things on him? Fine. It’s nothing he hasn’t had to live with before. But to accuse him of keeping secrets while keeping a big one? Now that’s personal.
“It wasn’t in the Winter Soldier file Nat gave me after though.”
"Put down that shield, let's go a few rounds, Rogers," Tony says as he steps out of the suit, staring Rogers in the eye and completely ignoring Barnes. He’s completely aware he’s throwing the man’s words from four years ago back at him. He likes the classics. Because he may have known about the Winter Soldier’s existence for years, but he would never have kept the soldier’s real identity from Rogers. He didn’t bring it up after the guy targeted Rogers two years ago after realizing the man already knew.
Steve stares at Tony, confusion as he hears his own words twisted back on him. Still, he’s never backed down from a challenge – the Winter Soldier beating him half to death on the helicarrier notwithstanding. He hands Bucky the shield and steps into the more open area of the room. He knows this isn’t going to go well for the billionaire genius. It never did for average people. "Tony, I-" He goes down like a sack of potatoes. No one's been able to knock him down with a single hit since before the serum. No one unenhanced. He stares up at Tony, shocked.
Tony turns to Barnes. "I've been looking for you for, like, twenty years."
Steve blinks up at… at Stark. Worry filling him. "It wasn't him!" yells as he scrambles to his feet. "It was Hydra."
"Yeah, yeah, we'll get to how you've been hiding what that Nazi secret boys club did later," Stark says flippantly, waving him off. That irks. "Right now, your buddy and I have some grown-up things to discuss. Specifically, a particularly hot and steamy night in 1989 when he made a dishonest man outta me...” Stark smirks. “Well, I mean, he wasn't the first, but even I can admit he was the best."
Steve blinks, thrown. "What?"
"The best?" Bucky grins, hooking the strap of his rifle around him so it hangs off his back. It’s a small grin. A shadow of what it had once been, but Steve’s mind is still briefly thrown back over seventy years to the charming young man Bucky used to be.
Steve watches as Stark shrugs, that signature smirk still on his face making Steve frown. "Well, considering you were, what, 72 at the time?"
Bucky shrugs, unbothered. “Everyone needs a hobby.”
Steve blinks. He remembers how suave with the ladies Bucky used to be. But this wasn’t some dame he was flirting with at a bar. This was Stark. “What?”
Stark clears his throat. "Yeah, well, anyway it's apparently the responsible thing to inform your past partners when you find out you've got an STD."
“STD?”
Barnes shrugs again. “I’m pretty sure the serum took care of-”
“Actually,” Tony cuts in, “the serum is what I’m referring to.” He takes a perverse amount of enjoyment at seeing Rogers’ brain blue screening.
“I… what?” Barnes stares at him, blinking rapidly.
“What?” Rogers is still staring at him like he’s been struck with his own shield.
Tony sighs dramatically. “Yeah, all this time the military has been searching for a way to recreate the super soldier serum and you’ve got it stored in your balls.” He gestures to Barnes’ crotch. Rogers’s face has gone completely red. Barnes looks equally stunned, but the grin on his face is now more of a smirk. “Fortunately for all of us,” Tony continues, “that was the only time I and or my partner weren’t ‘dressed for the occasion’. So, we don’t have to worry about any of my other one-night stands barreling in and joining the party… at least not with that…”
“As much as I hate to interrupt this… enlightening conversation,” a new voice cuts in. The three turn to see King Kitty standing there with a confused Zemo’s arm gripped in his paw. T’Challa appears amused, while Zemo looks like he can’t decide if he wants to be amused or disappointed. Rogers looks like he’s about to get a nosebleed.
“Your Majesty,” Tony nods. T’Challa nods back.
“I would like to apologize to you,” T’Challa says to Barnes. “I know now you are not responsible for my father’s death. That dishonour belongs to him.” He shakes Zemo’s arm. “I would like to make amends by extending you sanctuary in my country until such a time as your triggers have been neutralized.”
“What about the Accords?” Barnes asks, frowning.
“You will still have to answer for a few things,” Tony starts. Rogers interrupts him.
“It wasn’t Bucky,” he reiterates. “Hydra made him.”
“And as a brainwashed POW, he’ll realistically be pardoned for things he did as the Winter Soldier,” Tony responds. “He’s entitled to his day in court, which will be more of a formality than anything else, and the families of the victims of the Winter Soldier’s actions deserve closure. But we can talk about all that later.” He steps closer to the armour. “Right now, I’m getting cold, and I’d like to get out of here before the Russians discover we’re here. I didn’t exactly give a whole lot of notice that I’d be entering their airspace.”
Barnes sidles up to Tony. “How about Stevie catches a ride with King T’Challa, we set the quinjet to autopilot and we make like its 1989 to warm you back up again?”
Tony turns to look at a scandalized Rogers. “Now here’s a man with a plan!”
–30–