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“Cawww! Dead!! Kocho Shinobu is dead!!” A crow informed the two slayers running into battle. The braided girl stopped at its call; bright emerald eyes opened wide with shock. A few seconds went by in dizzying silence, the Serpent Hashira tried to get a reaction out of her without success. Kanroji’s body was paralysed, mind filled with white noise and excruciating pain coming from her heart. She felt numb, exposed, life reaped out of her the moment those words were heard. Her breath stuck somewhere between her lungs and throat. Memories replayed behind her eyes: last conversation, last hug, last kiss. Their promise. Nothing made sense. It wasn’t right. She couldn’t be dead, wouldn’t have left her behind! Why couldn’t they be happy?! Why did they snatch Shinobu from her? Why?! “No, no. I can’t accept this. I can’t keep going, not without her by my side. She shouldn’t have had to go. I was ready to live the rest of my life with her. It’s not right! It’s not…” Mitsuri screamed internally, knees buckling under her. She would have fallen if Iguro didn’t catch her at the last second. Too shocked to cry, too sad to talk, she could only rest against him, eyes so far away and empty he could have sworn she, somehow, died if not for her strong heartbeat.
More time flew by, his worry increasing as rapidly as her hands grew cold. Something was terribly wrong with all this. He couldn’t tell what but he never, since knowing Kanroji, saw her break like that. Even Rengoku’s death didn’t affect her this much. It was strange, concerning at an alarming degree; then, without prompting, she took a deep steadying breath, straightening her back to appear taller. Her gaze firmer than he ever remembered seeing her with. One step forward, then two, three, finally he saw her running all at once. Surprised by this change of attitude, Iguro didn’t react immediately, instead he watched her go against what was most likely an UpperMoon.
A growl full of hate brought the Serpent Hashira back to reality and catch up with his friend. The fight continued to be intense. The demon’s Blood Demon Art pushing them just before they could lend a hit, even little. That only made the Love Hashira more frustrated. She needed to kill it as quickly as possible so she could find Muzan and finally put an end to his madness. Mitsuri never truly understood Shinobu’s desire for vengeance, not until now that is, where she was ready to destroy each of these monsters one by one, including their genitor. Kind, sweet, lovable Kanroji Mitsuri was on a mission, and she wouldn’t fail. Not for her dearest, not for her family, not for the people who counted on them to bring an end to his reign of terror.
They were brushed aside for the umpteenth time before someone (a demon?) wearing a slayers uniform, creeped behind the UpperMoon without being noticed. “Go! I’m controlling her to make Muzan think you’re both dead. Find the others and kill him!” He yelled, fingers deep in its skull. “You don’t have to tell me twice. She growled back, and before racing away. Thanks for the help!” They ran through the maze, decapitating every enemy that tried to stop them, taking only a few breaks from time to time. The Hachiras were about to take another turn when a crow shot out: “Caww! UpperMoon 2, Douma, is dead! Hashibira Inosuke, Tsuyuri Kanao and Kocho Shinobu killed it!!” Kanroji stopped again, took a deep breath. Her eyes closed when a few tears escaped. “So, her plan worked.” Iguro remarked, stopping next to his friend. She didn’t answer. “You won Shinobu-chan. You can rest in peace with your sister now. If we’re reborn as humans again, I’ll find you, I promise. I love you, my dearest.” She breathed out the last words, eyes turned to where the sky would supposedly be, if not for their current location. His heart broke a little when he finally understood but she was his friend first and foremost, so he’ll be there for her until the end. They let a few moments pass, a new burning going through Kanroji’s veins switching between peace and determination to fight. This war will end tonight, she’ll make sure of it. And then, then she’ll go find her again. This time, she hopes, they won’t have to die.
Cries of agony and despair resonated against pink walls, stirring up almost all kwamis who rapidly flew to their guardians’ bed. Tikki was about to try waking her up when she startled awake, almost sitting up with a silent scream. Her breathing was ragged, eyes unfocused. A hand gripped tightly her pyjama shirt drenched with sweat. Images kept overlapping through her mind: bodies, people being hurt or thrown, disgusting monsters with fangs and a sickening craving for humans’ flesh. The feeling of loss she seemed to be born with increased with each moment. Her dream was too vivid to only be a nightmare caused by the concussion she got earlier, during an akuma fight. This time, all the kwamis were up, worried for their guardian who didn’t seem to hear their call. Her mind was clearly elsewhere, vigilant of surroundings she was the only one to see. A turmoil brewed in the young girl’s body, going from anger to sadness, from resignation to peace. She was deeply angry at something she couldn’t place, Tikki floating above her head worriedly. A few minutes passed again, before she noticed the white butterfly flying outside the skylight window. “Right. I’m in Paris, not Japan. Muzan’s been dead for a long time now.” She took a profound breath in, eyes closed then stopped. “Wait, who’s Muzan again?” She couldn’t recall him well enough to explain why his name brought so much dread, nor the deep hatred her heart seemed to bear.
She reorganised her thoughts as best she could, categorizing her feelings and memories in small boxes to investigate later. However, there’s one that stuck to the forefront of her mind. A young woman with black-purplish hair held in a tight bun with a butterfly pin, a short stature and deep amethyst eyes. She was breathtaking, gorgeous even, with her motherly expression. And her smiles, genuine or not, always brought a sense of peace to her. “Kocho Shinobu. How could I ever forget your name, my dearest? But now that I remember you, I won’t forget again.” She let out a huff, a big grin tugging at her lips when reminiscing about old times.
“Marinette, are you ok?” Tikki asked after a moment, confused by her chosen behaviour. The latter raised her head, hand outstretched for her kwami to sit on. The others took place on her bed, giving their full attention to her. She didn’t answer instantly, choosing instead to bask in these new feelings of unity and peace. Marinette finally felt whole. Slowly, more things fell into place: her surprising ability to understand Japanese for as long as she can recall without ever being taught; her astonishing agility on ground and mid-air, even if she was a walking disaster most times when out of costume; and not to forget this feeling of belonging when she sees pink and green together, nor this strange uneasiness whenever a relationship with Adrien is mentioned. “I need to find her.” Marinette thought, still not answering her kwamis question, the woman’s voice echoing in her head. “I won’t let you go this time. Wherever you are, regardless of how you look like now, I’ll stay with you Shinobu-chan!”
-Master? Wayzz Insisted worriedly.
-Yes, sorry. I’m fine, I promise. She answered, a small smile replacing her previous grin.
-Are you sure? Tikki pushed, seeming to search her charges eyes for something.
-Yes, don’t worry, I don’t think something like that will happen again. She reassured, beaming.
-Then what happened? Was it Cat Blanc again?
-No, for once it wasn’t him. Marinette answered, before wondering. Do any of you know anything about reincarnation by any chance?
-I know it’s more common than most think. Tikki replied instantly.
-Yes, yes! Past is always found in the present! Or is it present in the past? Fluff intervened, somersaulting in mid-air. Whatever, if you were, you still are; and if you are you still were.
-What? Marinette looked back at Wayzz and Tikki, eyes questioning.
-Right, I should probably be the one to explain. He glanced at Fluff before going further. Once the body dies, the soul is brought back into the cycle of life, then incarnated in another body. Some people keep their memories, other experience what you call “flashbacks” or feelings of “déjà-vu”, but most people don’t remember anything. Why do you ask master?
-Did you remember something, Marinette? Was that what your dream was about? Ladybug’s kwami went on, head tilted to the side, curiosity within her eyes. That surprised her.
-Huh?
-I already knew it wasn’t your first life and you asked about soul reincarnation so I figured it must be it. Tikki answered without prompting.
-Why didn’t you tell me I was reincarnated? The young girl urged; somewhat mad her friend hadn’t mentioned it.
-Like Wayzz explained, most people don’t remember anything. It’s considered a special case when someone withhold their old memories. I never thought you would get them back; maybe your concussion earlier triggered them? But now that you do, I’m curious to know more if you don’t mind talking about it. I had only a few of my charges that remembered, and I’m always interested in their past life, but only if they’re comfortable sharing with me.
-We’re curious too! Agreed the others, some flying around her head, a few using something akin to puppy dog eyes.
-OK, ok. She nodded. But I don’t remember much, just some bits scattered left and right.
-It’s fine! Tell us what you can or what you want! Tikki encouraged, big smile and all.
-Alright. So first, I recall being named “Kanroji Mitsuri”. I remember pink and green too. I’m not sure why those colours stick with me, but I think they were related to my eyes or something with my uniform. She started, index tapping her cheek.
-Uniform?
-Yes! I was in a corps! We killed demons and protected people from them!! I don’t recall everything in detail, and I have a feeling it’s better that way, but! I was one of them! Strong and passionate! I had lots of friends too! They were all smiling at her now, Tikki seemed to know something more if only by the look on her face.
Pride exulted in waves from her expression, akin to a mother when their child did something wonderful or nice, eyes warm. Sadness flashed briefly in them too. “Maybe she knows how things were.” Marinette thought, old tears burning her eyes when hazy faces manifested in her head. She’ll miss all of them for sure but hoped they’d be happy wherever they are today, in a world finally free of demons. They stayed silent for a bit, not pushing her too far because they all knew how difficult it could be to regain memories of the past. So, they waited until her breathing calmed down, and her teary eyes cleared again.
-That’s nice Marinette. Her kwami whispered. If you feel it’s better to not remember much, then don’t. You shouldn’t force yourself, more so if you risk bringing back bad memories in the process.
-You’re right, I won’t try I promise. I already remembered everything I needed to so don’t worry.
-Oh really? Is there anything else then? She asked, curious again. Shinobu’s laughing face popped up in her mind, bringing a loving smile that didn’t go unnoticed.
-Oooh! What a lovely smile you have there, what brought it up? Trixx teased, floating around her head.
-Urg stoop… She groaned, face turning a deep pink. That got some laughs from her companions who seemed to enjoy this new, and better development.
-Sooo Marinette, who made you smile like that? Tikki insisted with a big teasing grin. The only time I saw it was when we were talking about Adrien, and again, it never was as big, nor as genuine as this one. So, who’s it, Marinette?
-Urg whyyyy… She moaned, face completely red now, earning new laughter.
The young girl tried to calm her burning face, but what to do when many memories resurfaced one at a time, and with a bunch of little gods that seemed to enjoy seeing their guardian at a loss for words.
-She was beautiful, ok?! Marinette yielded, fixing her wall far away from those teasing eyes. Kind, cute, knowledgeable, a bit scary sometimes but still the most charming and amazing girl I ever met! I loved her so much, I couldn’t keep her out of my mind, couldn’t be apart for too long. She smiled; a sense of nostalgia written all over her face. The woman’s smiles, genuine or not, plagued her mind.
-She was really precious to you, wasn’t she? The kwami of Creation questioned happily, a succession of “ooh’s” in the background.
-Yeah… She whispered back, this time turning her gaze to those photos of Adrien. I was madly in love with her, and I think I still am. Even when I didn’t remember, a part of me always felt like it wasn’t right to be in a relationship with him, like there was something missing that he couldn’t replace. Tikki’s smile turned rueful when her chosen looked back at her. I like him. I like him a lot. He’s very nice and cute but…
-But he’s not her. Pollen finished sadly.
-Yeah… She couldn’t help the tear that escaped her eye. I made a promise before I died, and I intend to keep it as much as possible.
-What was it? They wondered simultaneously, some having an inkling about it already.
Marinette took a deep breath, heartbeat a bit faster at her last memory of being the Love Hashira, close to losing consciousness due to blood loss in her best friends’ arms. She shook her head, trying to get rid of this cold feeling and swallowed her sadness back in a box. They kept waiting patiently for her to be ready again, some hesitated even to just tell their master she didn’t have to say it if it was too hard for her. Tikki was about to propose they stopped there for tonight (it was already 3am after all and Marinette needed rest with what happened recently) when they heard her voice, small like never before, and with a small quiver.
-I promised to find her again. I promised to never let her go again. I want to protect her as best as I can, so she won’t die this time. She said, smiling a bit even with tears slowly blurring her vision. It doesn’t matter to me if we end up together or not, I would be more than happy to have her back in my life, even as friends. Even if I end up falling in love with her again but she’s not with me, it’s fine. I only want to see her smile, see her laugh, see her being finally happy in this life without the burden we had; without the loss she had to go through. Her voice, her face, her character, even if not the same I would be more than happy to meet her one more time, learn to know her and love her to whatever extent my heart desires.
Silence filled the room after her declaration, tears falling quietly even though she wore a peaceful smile. This was a bit foreign to them. What could they do? How could they comfort her? Marinette seemed resigned to a fate that could lead to more than a simple heartbreak, maybe worth than what happened with Adrien and Luka. This will hurt, she knows. Things will be hard, not only navigating her new knowledge with all that’s going on in her life in general but finding her too. And again, nothing said she would remember her, nor she would have been reincarnated at the same time as her. What could she use to identify Shinobu if she didn’t have her memories? Despair spiralled in her heart, but she refused to yield to this feeling, instead holding on pure hope and confidence. She was Ladybug after all. She would find a way.
-Marinette. Tikki drew her attention back to her little form. You know I’ll always support you in whatever you choose to do but don’t push too far, please. If she got reincarnated too, she could be anywhere, and there’s more chance she hasn’t kept her memories than not. You have enough stress as is, so please I ask you to be careful. I don’t want to see you suffer more from this situation than necessary. The little god warned, worry inching on her face as they locked eyes.
Marinette couldn’t help her smile filled with gratitude. She was glad to have the little goddess by her side, especially now with how her life was going. Things will need time to settle, between her past and her new life, she’ll have a lot to unpack and probably some more meditation to peacefully accept her hardest memories. “I should probably do that with Cat Blanc too.” But for now, she required space to exist as Mitsuri for a bit, before trying to combine both lives. Something to put her mind at ease would be great too. She reassured her little friends, paying attention to not push them of her bed when she got up and down the loft. They observed her, wondering what she was up to before joining her at her desk, where she sat with one of her sketchbooks open.
The young girl drew a feminine silhouette first, detailing more physical traits than she’s used to when designing clothes. The result would certainly not be as accurate as the original, but it didn’t matter to her. A butterfly pin with green and purple accent that kept her hair into a bun; the masculine version of their black-blue uniforms, because she burned the indecent first version that was given to her. Then went her haori passed down by Kanae: white fading to green, pink, and black, a pattern like butterfly wings. “She looked so graceful with it.” The room was filled with respectful silence, watching a young woman, not much older than their current guardian, taking form on a previously blank piece of paper. There really was something enticing, serene even, in the way she smiled, the way her eyes where deep oceans of purple. Tikki could sense her chosen’s care and respect for her through her blushing cheeks, her calm contented smile, her loving eyes while drawing each feature of a past lover. Even if going after someone who most likely didn’t remember anything, was something that could go south quickly; the happiness she saw in the young girl, who had big responsibilities thrust onto her, was all she needed to put her mind at ease.
Mitsuri was humming softly, adding last few touches to her own rendition of Shinobu. She was even plaining to find the right fabric to sew the haori later. That way she would have a physical keep’s sake, even if not the original, of her cute girlfriend. Maybe she could find a similar hair pin too, and if not, she could still make it herself. “I hope to see you soon dearest. Then will you tell me about your new life? Your friends, the people you met, the one you loved, what you saw and your own experiences?” Mitsuri couldn’t keep some delighted tears to track down her cheeks and slosh on her drawing, barely missing important parts of her. Nonetheless, she was happy with the result, looking up afterward to see most kwamis were now asleep. The sight brought a small, caring quirk to her lips before putting her sketchbook away and going back to sleep.
§
They were resting in her bed, snuggled comfortably under a duvet while rain was pounding against the window. It was still early morning, only a few people were up at this time of day to start with their chores. “Aoi-san will start making breakfast soon.” She thought, eyes still closed, then frowning when a sharp sound was heard. That seemingly got a stifled giggle from the woman lying next to her. “So, she woke up before me again.” The thought brought a small smile to her lips, hearing a deep intake of air from her. Deep purple met vivid green. They stayed silent, admiring each other until Mitsuri brought her small frame in a hug, whispering in her ear: “You’re so cute Shino-chan.” A deep blush took her normally calm features, bringing a vein attempt to hide it in the crook of her girlfriend’s neck. That got some more giggles and a few kisses in her hair. She smiled, enjoying the affection and warmth a bit more before remembering revenge was an option, and straight up peppering Mitsuri’s neck with butterfly kisses.
Sound of laughter echoed in the room. Tickles were exchanged, an attempt to win this supposed battle they had going. Shinobu won, only because she wasn’t as ticklish as Mitsuri, straddling her hips with her hands resting on her girlfriend’s side. They were red, a bit winded by their morning struggle but had big smiles adorning their faces. Some chuckles still echoed through from time to time. Happiness warming their heart in this peaceful morning. Shinobu took a minute to admire her lover. Her usually braided hair was sprawling on their shared bed, her yukata a bit more open from their contest and breathing hard, cheeks flushed. Her emerald eyes were a hint darker than usual. Her breath got stuck in her throat. She was gorgeous. Certainly not the first time she considered her girlfriend was a goddess, but it still took her breath away. “How lucky I am to have her with me.” She thought, constant breathing interrupted briefly, then, without more prompting except from those lovely eyes, she slowly leaned in, never diverting her gaze from them. Lips parted a bit, brushing against each other in a teasing manner.
The younger woman sported a lopsided grin when she heard a frustrated groan coming from under her, mischief barely concealed in those amethyst eyes. She yielded and brought their lips together in a deep kiss. Hands went into dishevelled short hair, while her own gripped tightly her lovers’ sides just under her breasts. That got an appreciative moan out of Mitsuri, egging her on even more, scraping the skin under her rapidly opening yukata. Shinobu moved one hand upwards, passing lightly over Mitsuris’ chest, earning a breathy sigh, then up to caress her cheek lovingly. The kiss grew deeper: Shinobu biting her lower lip then backing away; Mitsuri chasing, capturing hers again, asking for entrance her girlfriend gladly gave after a few tantalizing moments. Temperature rose, body pressed together, breath mingling in short intermission. Mitsuri didn’t stay still either, she kept a hand in Shinobu’s hair, twisting, pulling a bit when she went for her neck, scraping her head in a way that got her higher moans. The other went down her back, sliding teasingly to her side, and passing briefly over her stomach. When she finally reached her thigh, she caressed the exposed skin there, going up and down at an unbearably slow pace. “This is too distracting.” Shinobu pondered, pressing a bit more against Mitsuri, hips rolling slightly in the process, gaining deeper groans and hers pushing up as a response. They became needier, bodies burning with rising desire, face flushed and some sweat trickling down their neck. “More, touch me more Shino-chan.” She sighed in her ear, drawing shivers along her back.
Things would have gone further if not for the shouts and running that were heard around the mansion. Everyone was awake now. The two voices arguing outside her bedroom door was enough to remind them that continuing would be a bad idea. What if someone heard them, or even saw them in a compromising position. They searched each other’s eyes, holding their breath and paying attention to noises, just to make sure no one would walk by Shinobu’s room again. When it was clear nobody was there, they exhaled in relief, bodies less tensed. “We should stop here. It’s almost time for me to get up, and I wouldn’t want people to know you slept here, or worst, to be walked in on.” Shinobu said, breathing still ragged, getting a disappointed groan from Mitsuri. “Of course, Shino-chan’s right, but I don’t want to go.” Mitsuri thought. Her pout got some light kisses as an apology.
A few resignedly contented sighs passed Mitsuri’s lips before Shinobu rolled to her side so she could get up, which she didn’t do immediately. Instead, she kissed her exposed collarbone, up her neck, and next to her ear drawing new shivers down her spine. “If I’m not sent on a mission today, I’d like to continue this tonight if you're up for it.” She whispered, getting a “we’ll see” from her girlfriend. “Back to teasing I see. She thought when she saw her mischievous grin. Whatever, she’s still a cutie.” The Love Hashira kissed her temple before going out, paying extra attention to not be caught slipping away from the mansion’s lady’s bedroom. Shinobu stayed lying in bed a bit longer, heart still racing and cheek ablaze. “She’ll be the death of me, though I wouldn’t mind.” She huffed, smile tugging at her lips, then she got up and prepared for her day. A promise she knew she couldn’t keep in this life making its way in her heart: “I’ll stay with you for however long you want me to. I’ll make sure you never lose that beautiful smile of yours, my love. And if we end up reincarnated as humans, I hope to feel your warmth again.”
She startled awake, breath heavy, eyes rooted on her ceiling. “It’s getting worse.” She thought, her eyes closed briefly to calm her frantic heart, body buzzing with anticipation and love. “Is it because I’m almost 16 that they start to be more… interesting? They’re more frequent too. I wonder why. Unlike Japan where I could walk through places I went to as Shinobu, there is seemingly nothing in Paris to prompt more of them.” She took a moment to digest this new memory. Was she feeling so lonely that she needed to experience affection and care through her past relationship? Whatever, she had school then fencing with Adrien, this could wait for her to be alone and back to her room to think. “I might probably draw her again, just to feel like I let my emotions out of my system.” She mused, breathing deeply before finally getting up and ready. Kagami went through her day as if she didn’t dream about something so intimate this very morning. For once, nothing more happened during the day; reading books during breaks in peace and no akuma to cause trouble. “What a wonderful day if I dismiss this remarkably detailed dream from earlier.” A thought full of sarcasm that would have gotten her an eyeroll from her girlfriend, or well past girlfriend. “I wonder if she’s still the same go-lucky girl? I hope she’s still happy and all smiley as before. And that she doesn’t miss me too much if she ever remembered.”
The car stopped at Françoise-Dupont, where her fencing classes took place every Friday evening. Some students were still inside for studying or club activities. Adrien was waiting for her on the piste, he waved at her when she passed by to go change in her red attire. Class went by as uneventful as always, Adrien only barely being a challenge for her. Especially now that she started relearning constant breathing just because. And it’s not as if it wouldn’t come in handy if she ever got a miraculous again. “That and the memory linked to it popped up merely a few days ago. I’m still struggling to maintain it but having someone to practice with – even if they’re unaware – is always good. Plus, mother seems happy with the progress I made while using it a little. I should be careful tho, not to draw to much attention.” They choose to stop ten minutes before classes ended to catch up. He talked about the last anime’s episodes he watched. Their conversation went from school, without mentioning Marinette even once, which was a bit odd since he used to talk a lot about her; to fencing. Adrien couldn’t help but be impressed by her skills, praises and enthusiasm rolling out of his tall stature. “What a puppy.” She thought a small smile tugging at her lips. “He reminds me of Tanjiro: happy, kind, always smiling even if it’s probably an act more times than not.” Their exchange was interrupted by a short girl with braided hair. She didn’t wear her usual pigtails, but Kagami would recognise her friend anywhere. She called out to her, Marinette looked happy for a few seconds before seeing Adrien, her expression morphing into something unrecognisable then back to a strange smile. When she got next to them, Kagami remarked the tension in her shoulders. Her smile now appeared forced, mostly when talking to Adrien. She wasn’t stuttering either. “What’s happening? Did I miss something? Did they have a fight? It’s not something that would happen with them without a reason…” Kagami wondered, eyes going from one to the other to glean more information through their body language. It was fruitless. All she noticed was the cute pink and green butterflies Marinette used to keep her braids in place. They brought a mix of nostalgia and possession, seeing her wearing them. They didn’t belong to her, but butterflies were Shinobu’s symbols, a part of Shinobu’s outfit. It was something Mitsuri adored.
After a while, Adrien left them alone to change. They stayed in silence a bit, a far away look in her friend’s eyes. The young fencer didn’t miss when her shoulders relaxed. “So, it was Adrien.” She thought, keeping her eyes fixed on her friend, her words strangely difficult to find. Kagami let out a frustrated huff, getting the other’s attention who looked at her with concern. “They really are similar sometimes; my heart can’t keep up.” The fencer gave her a gentle smile, bringing a strange expression again. This was unsettling. “Sooo… She tried, unsure of herself. Did something happen with him? You didn’t stutter.” She didn’t want to comment on her tensed back, nor the fake smiles she gave. Marinette didn’t answer immediately, seeming to think about her own response. “It’s more about school than anything really. Nothing much.” Her smile was a bit painful, an uneasy feeling brewing in her stomach. Should she push a bit further? Alas, she didn’t have time to ponder more about it when Marinette continued. “I realised something a few weeks back, and after a time I finally understood what I really wanted to do.
-I see… I hope it goes how you want it to go. I’m sure he’ll see what a wonderful girl you are and take you out on a date soon. Kagami said, a pang in her heart.
-Wait, I think you misunderstood. I won’t be confessing to him. Marinette replied, a frown to her lips.”
“What? She won’t? Why not?” Kagami was caught off guard by her revelation. Silence filled the space between them, strange for the girl who couldn’t stay in place most times. Then again, nothing seemed normal since the beginning of their conversation with Adrien. Marinette exhaled, resignation and acceptance filled her blue eyes. “I really won’t.” She insisted. That confused the fencer even more, was she getting cold feet again or was there another reason for her to refuse? She voiced her thought, again getting the silent treatment for a few seconds before a resolute sigh escaped her friend’s lips.
-No, it’s not. I realised that I didn’t like him like that. He’s handsome and all but it wasn’t love. She explained, a pained smile pulling at her mouth.
-What happened? You seemed madly in love with him the last time we spoke, even if you tried to get us back together.
-Urg, right I did that. She winced. I’m sorry about that Kagami. Like I said, I did a lot of thinking the last few weeks and thought I should apologies, it wasn’t right for me to force your hand when you made it clear you didn’t want to.
-It for sure wasn’t ok but I forgave you already, even if I appreciate your apology. But you didn’t answer my question. What made you think you misinterpreted your feelings? Don’t feel pressured to talk about it if you don’t want to, but I’m kind of curious to know. Kagami inquired, her full attention to her friend.
-It’s a bit complicated to explain and I’m not sure I’m ready to get more into detail for now. She said, her face sporting a weird expression. It’s just that I remembered what being deeply in love with someone really felt like, and it never was as strong nor felt as right with Adrien, as it did with them in my memories.
After uttering those words, Marinette’s expression went from a deep frown to a rueful smile, eyes brimming with nostalgia. Somehow, she felt some kind of kinship with her friend. After all she too missed someone dear to her. “I’ll draw her again when I get home.” She decided. They stayed a moment in silence, enjoying their feelings without being entirely alone to experience them. It was nice. Adrien came back, tension present again between them. “Maybe I should investigate more later on too.” A ring coming from Marinette’s phone interrupted their awkward moment. Her parents needed her help at the bakery. They said goodbye, her friend promising to keep in touch for their next outings in a hushed voice, before she ran down the school stairs. When she reached the bottom, she stopped, spined around to face her, eyes focused as if he wasn’t even there. She raised a hand above her head with a big grin and lively eyes, she shouted: “You looked gorgeous while fighting Adrien today. I hope to see you spare again soon Kagami! See you!”
That’s when everything clicked, as if all the puzzle pieces finally went into place. All the possible little signs were there from the start. She saw her in Marinette: three braided pink and green hair, a uniform that reveals too much but said she was used to it by now, and big lively green eyes. Her imaged superposed with hers. She continued to see them merging even when looking at her friends retreating form. Was she hallucinating? Was she that desperate to see both girls: one she promised to marry in her past life, the other she started to fall for, as one? Kagami wasn’t stupid, she saw their resemblance from the moment they really started to know each other. She just chucked it up as something caused by her dejected heart. But maybe there was a reason why she felt drawn to Marinette from the start. And now… Now she was hoping. “Kagami, are you ok?” Interrupted the boy, confused by her reaction. She didn’t answer immediately, still stunned by her realisation.
-Y-yes, yes, I’m fine, I just remembered something.
-Wha-
-Oh! It seems Tetsu arrived. I have to go. See you next Friday Adrien. She cut him, not even waiting for a response before running to her car.
Tetsu brought her home as fast as possible. She hurried up the stairs, only slowed down when she was about to pass by the living room where her mother was waiting. The older woman asked how classes went, and if something bad happened. “Of course, mother would know I’m in a hurry.” Kagami tried to reassure her, telling a half-truth about remembering something from her past that could possibly be useful later. Tomoe wasn’t entirely convinced but choose to let it go for now. At least, it seems, her child was now free from the terrible nightmares she had younger. Kagami excused herself and power walked to her room, threw her bag somewhere before going straight to her closet. She pulled out a box filled with papers and sketchbook, taking one then going to sit on her bed. She skimmed through pages and pages brimming with doodles and drawings. Some were coloured, others partly done or stayed in nuances of black and grey. Familiar faces flashed through her eyes before stopping at one.
A drawing of Mitsuri from one of her happier memories, with a tall Sakura tree behind her. She always felt like this image was alive somehow as if Mitsuri would cross time and run up to her, coming right from the 1900’s. Kagami smiled at the thought. Sadly, those happy memories were tarnished by grief and vengeance pulsing slowly through her veins. When she remembered about her strong and kind girlfriend, she couldn’t help the remorseful feeling she got from not being able to see her one last time, for dying without telling her “I love you” and meaning it with every part of herself. A happy-go-lucky girl who was judged for being naturally stronger than men. Her shy demeanour becoming determination when hunting demons. A bit scared of the others judgement. Regardless of how dark their line of work was, she stayed loving, kind, caring, always her little ray of sunshine in her angry heart. She was calming even though she sometimes found it hard to stay in place. “Again, something her and Marinette seemed to have in common.”
Her mind jumping from one point to another, Kagami couldn’t help but be reminded of a short pigtailed girl who mostly gave her a heart attack today. “She will be the death of me.” She smiled again, a small chuckle passing her lips. For the first time since leaving Japan, she prayed with all her fervour: “Please God, tell me I finally found her and am not crazy. Please tell me that I’m right and she’s just there, within my reach for months now. Mitsuri, my love, if it's you I won’t ever let you go. This time I will keep my word, I promise.” She opened her eyes, looked at the grinning girl who was surrounded by swirling petals and butterflies, and smiled one last time before closing her sketchbook. She had stuff to prepare if she wanted to court her love again.