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It was one of those nights. The lack of sleep, the stress, the overwhelming feeling of uselessness, disappointment and, most of all, loneliness, it was all getting to him. He felt too much and at the same time, almost nothing at all. His short walk turned into an hour-long trip and before he realized it, Reth was standing at the Bahari shore, staring at the same sea that took away his parents. Gods – he thought – they would be so disappointed in him. Their only son abandoned his path, was involved with the cartel and became a cook out of all things. He loved cooking though, sometimes he thought that this damned soup (and Tish, of course) was the only thing keeping him sane. His dad also liked cooking, it was nice to remember that they had at least something in common.
He startled, the cold breeze brought him back to earth. The tears left only a trace, but the puffy cheeks probably made him look even more like a lunatic. It was a good thing that no one was around.
He couldn’t go back to the village, not yet, but his feet led him down the familiar path anyways, confused as to where else could he go. Somewhere near the Hideaway Bluffs he entered the cave, or rather an abandoned shaft, sat on the cold, uncomfortable ground, brought knees to his chest and rested his face on them. He must have dozed off because the next thing he felt was a wet nose of a Plumehound on his neck. Which was now cramped by the way.
– Hey buddy – he said, slowly petting the dog. – On a morning run?
In response the animal only asked for more pets, by sitting in his lap. The cook was never that close with Tau, but now they shared a comfortable silence, and Reth really couldn’t be picky about his friends. And Tau was above all judgment, prejudice and all other things that the villagers were not.
– Tau! Tau! Where the hell are you? It’s time for breakfast! – the voice was loud even in his little shelter.
– Hassian’s looking for you, go. I’ll be fine.
The dog did not seem convinced, but the vision of food must have been stronger than his ties to Reth, so after a moment of delay he went. And really, who could’ve blamed him.
Reth only just managed to stand up when the voices (or rather a voice and barking) grew louder. Knowing that the confrontation was unavoidable, he left the cave to meet the pair.
– You traitor, why did you bring him here? – he asked the dog, who only wagged his tail, looking all happy. – Hi – he said shyly, not really looking at Hassian.
They were kind of friends, acquaintances really, but Reth wouldn't say that they disliked each other. Hassian was kind of cold to most of the Majiris and all of the Humans, so it only made him like the other one more. If you're an asshole, at least be an asshole to everyone.
– What were you doing there? It’s like, barely 4 am. – He paused. – Or you know what, don’t tell me, it’s probably illegal anyways.
Tau growled, as if in protest, which confused both of the men.
– What's gotten into you today? – The Hunter seemed to be as off put as he looked.
Tau grabbed the bottom of Reth's shirt and pulled on it gently in the direction of Hassian's grove.
– Hey! I’ll go, just spear the seams! Jel would be kinda mad…
After some more bickering and general confusion the dog won and almost herded them back to the grove. They did not talk, Reth was too tired to let his chatter run wild and Hassian… well, he was not known for his conversational skills.
When they entered his tent, Reth felt really out of place, but Tau already guarded the entrance, and the look on his cute, traitory face told them both that he was determined not to let anyone escape.
– What did you do? – asked Hassian – For him to be so… concerned. He loves people, I know, but even for him that's a bit much.
– I don’t know, honestly, I wasn’t doing much.
– Sure.
– Really! I was just sleeping. And don’t look at me like that, I was just tired.
He wasn’t sure why he didn’t just lie, but it was too late to retreat.
– How am I looking?
And wasn’t it so Hassian like to pick up only this part of the sentence? Reth rolled his eyes.
– Like I’m crazy or something. I really was just so fucking tired.
He slumped on a chair and grabbed his hair. Tears started to come too close to spilling, but he fought them with all his will.
– Then sleep.
Reth laughed.
– Maybe you’re the crazy one. You think I have not tried this? I just… can’t.
He grabbed a bite of chappa steak.
– Weird choice for breakfast – he couldn't help but comment. – But thanks for offering nonetheless.
– And that's coming from the guy serving lettuce soup for the whole two months straight.
– Yeah, well… Touché.
– You look – Hassian lowered his voice – not that great. You’ve been crying?
The bluntness of the question must have surprised both of them, because the Hunter averted his eyes and stuttered a quick “you don’t have to answer” before biting into his food.
– I don’t remember the nights when I didn’t – the answer was said so quietly that for a moment he thought that the other man didn’t even hear it.
– I’m sorry.
– It’s alright, I should be the one to apologize, mostly for barging into your space like this. I know it’s because of Tau, but thank you for the meal, it was really tasty, truly. I should go now, my shift starts soon. If you come to the inn, today your order will be on me.
***
Hassian told himself that under no circumstances will he go to the inn today. That was, until Auni came to him all excited to remind him of their weekly card game. How could he refuse?
Reth served him bacon stuffed mushrooms and really, how did he know that it was one of his favourite dishes? It was delicious, but with every bite all he could think was “how is he?”. The feeling was so strong that he let himself look at the Cook and what he saw only concerned him more. Deep under eye shadows, shaky movements, unsteady walk. One could think that he was sick, but no one truly paid attention. Before today, neither did he. Only Asura looked concerned, but Reth probably dodged his questions.
Hassian got up and came to the owner.
– Hey – he started quickly, but paused as soon. What did he want to ask? To tell?
– Yes? – Ashura did not let himself look surprised, even though he probably was. The Hunter rarely talked to him. Or to anyone for that matter.
– Could you give Reth tomorrow off? – he blurted. – He looks so…
He couldn't find the word. Bad? No, he always looked weirdly appealing. Sick? Kind of, but not really. Sad? For sure, but being sad did not warrant a day off.
– Yes he does. – Ashura didn’t need words to understand what the younger man wanted to say. – If you'll promise me that he will rest and not spend this time doing other tasks than sure, I can serve tomorrow.
And maybe it was because of the respect he felt for the man, or pure pity for the Cook, but he agreed. He will make sure that Reth is resting.
– Come to mine after you’re done with the day.
And really, starting the conversation like that, he walked into it himself, so the answer did not shock him as much as it probably should.
– I know I’m cute but at least take me out on the date first!
His laugh was forced, but still amusing. After a few seconds of silence the Cook spoke again.
– Why? I’m working an early shift the next day.
– No, you don’t. You have a… rest day tomorrow.
And that was settled. He left the disoriented Reth behind the counter and came back to Auni and their game.
The evening and then night came quickly and when Hassian started to think that the other man wasn’t coming, Tau allerted him that the guest was here.
– Sorry, I wasn't sure you were serious, and I also had to make some… deliveries so I’m kinda late. Why am I here again?
And all the words left Hassian as soon as he looked at the other man.
– Gods, you really do cry every night. – This was something that his brain settled on. Great start. – And you’re here to sleep.
His tent was on the smaller side, but two bedrolls fit without a problem, albeit a bit close to each other. Tau spent the nights wherever he wanted, but today he had a task of putting Reth to sleep, so his place was decided – right next to the Cook.
– I don’t know if you think that this is some sort of a game, but for me it’s quite serious, you know?
– Come on, trust me, Tau can make even the biggest insomniac go to sleep. He’s just so… calming.
– If you say so… Anyways, I brought food, Chapaa Akwinduu. I remember your mother saying that you love it. And I cook when I’m stressed.
– You cook all the time! – Hassian wasn’t proud of how his mouth reacted before his brain could stop it, but today was just some wicked day. It would pass, he thought.
– What a clever observation – came the sarcastic answer.
They sat on Hassians bedroll, under a dim light. Tau curled into a ball next to them. It was a bit awkward to just sit there, not talking, but neither of them knew what to say. After a few minutes, Hassian took out the deck of cards.
– Wanna play? – he asked, left brow high on his forehead.
– Sure, but go easy on me, I’m not much of a player.
– Judging on the way you flirt with everyone I would beg to differ – he joked, and corners of his mouth lifted briefly.
– Look at you, one more day with me and you might even learn how to properly smile!
Reth laughed and Hassian instantly felt better. Even if it was just for a moment, he made a difference.
– I wouldn’t expect you to be quite the joker – the Cook added quietly.
– I’m usually not. – He looked away and lowered his voice. – It’s just different with you I guess… I don’t know. Or – he let his eyes return to the men next to him, his tone back to normal. – I might be bulshitting and I’ve hidden my comedy skills all these years.
– I guess I’ll never know – Reth answered, smiling shyly. – Though the blush is kinda helping with deciding on the answer.
– I’m not blushing! I never blush! – he almost screamed which really did not help his case.
The man laughed again, clearly enjoying teasing the other one.
Hassian taught his guest how to play some easier card games and when it became really late they both decided to end the day. It was time to test Tau’s sleeping skill.
***
He really did not think it would work, truly. How could he? Tau was a dog, how could a dog help with sleeping? To his surprise and against all odds it did work, he slept almost the whole night and he woke up refreshed, happier and most of all, relieved.
– Gods – he whispered, when both of them were laying in beds, awake. – I will kidnap this magical dog and make him mine. I never, never ever ever slept so well.
– I told you.
Hassian's voice was rough, but of course it suited him.
– I don’t want to get up.
Reth dived back under the covers and pretended to sleep again. In response, he felt a light kick.
– Come on, I wasn’t looking for flatmates.
– You’re also not getting up! – the muffled voice was barely audible, but the pillow that landed on Hassians face certainly sobered him up.
– You play dirty, I play dirty – said the Hunter, and next thing he knew, Reth was laying on the bedroll without his duvet.
– Low blow, I’m cold!
Now both of them were sitting on their beddings, struggling to win over the linen. Reth slept without his shirt, so he truly was cold, but Hassian fought only out of spite. And out of spite he won.
– Fine, now I’m up.
Reth looked around, confused as to where his clothes went.
– Hass, did you see my shirt?
– What? – the man was stunned.
– My shirt, I can’t find it – he repeated.
– I mean… yeah I heard you, but what… What did you call me?
Reth stopped in his tracks, did he just give the most serious, the most (maybe after Eshe) uptight Majiri in the village a… nickname?
– I mean it just kind of slipped? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you.
– You didn’t. It’s kinda cute actually.
Now both of them froze, looking at each other as if for the first time. What a morning it was.
– Cute?
– Well.. yes, I believe that’s what I said, for some godforsaken reason.
– You said: “cute”.
– And you said Hass, I would say we’re even in this fucked up scale of awkwardness.
After a moment of silence, Reth made his decision to tease this man with all his verbal abilities.
– You think I’m cute. – he said, smirk on his face.
– No! “Hass” is cute, you’re not cute! – The Hunter was already flustered.
And by the way, wasn’t that a lie of the century.
– Aww.. You’re cute but I’m not? That’s kind of egocentric – he continued his game.
– Oh come on! You know what I mean! You calling me that is cute, kind of. Well after some contemplation, I would use the word “pleasant”. It was pleasant hearing you call me by a nickname. And you’re not not cute, I guess. Can we stop saying that word, please?
If the blush from last night was an illusion of light, this one certainly wasn’t. Reth smiled widely, enjoying the view. He almost felt bad that he overworked Hassian so much, but the outcome was way more intense than he imagined.
– So, Hass – he started quietly, almost whispering – did you see my shirt?
– Where did you put it last? – he asked, ears still red.
– On the floor next to me, I even folded it – he answered, normally this time.
Hassian took a look around his tent and came to the same conclusion that the other man came to – the shirt was gone.
The hunter closed his eyes for a second and sighed. “Tau” was the only word that left his mouth, but both of them realized that the thief was one of their own. No wonder he wasn't around right now.
– I’ll give you one of mine, you can keep it, though it might be a bit too big for you. Tau probably buried yours somewhere, even if I manage to find it, there would be dirt all over it. I’m sorry.
The shirt was indeed too big and it smelled like a forest, but something about this was so comforting that a smile appeared on Cook's face.
– Don’t worry, a piece of clothing is a price I’m willing to pay for a whole night of sleep.
– Then next time you’ll have to bring extras.
Now was the time for Reth to be flustered. Gods, Hassian brought out all the shyness that was left in him.
– You’ll let me sleep here again? – He felt so little, but the offer was so tempting that he needed clarification. He couldn’t let himself hope for nothing.
– I mean… yeah. – Hassian also sounded unsure. – Maybe not every night, but just… don’t let it get this bad. If you need me, I-I mean Tau, If you need Tau, you can come. Here – he reached to his bedside table, and gave Reth a small key – I know it’s a bit forward, but it’s better for you to wait for me and Tau inside, than wander around looking for us. I know I can be a dick sometimes, but I do care.
– Thank you, I won’t overuse it. – That’s all he managed to say, before hugging the man quickly and running away so the Hunter wouldn’t see him cry, this time from pure gratefulness. He might've screamed a “see you” on his way out, but he wasn’t so sure about that.
The days after that one were the same as always, but somehow different. Hassian stopped by the inn more frequently and even started exchanging a few words with him, opting for a seat by the register. One time, when the inn was almost empty, Hassian even played a card game with him, and won, of course. Tau was happier to see him, even though Reth pretended to be mad at him for stealing his shirt. That (fake) anger did not last long.
Nights were still tough and scared him, but even the knowledge that he had a place to go calmed him a lot. That’s why he hasn't slept at Hassian’s since the first time. That was, until some human came and started asking everyone and their mother about Path. It was so awful to hear snide remarks about himself all day. He went out using back doors, just to get a breath of fresh air when he heard a familiar voice.
– My path? Blacksmith, believe it or not. I’m my mothers apprentice.
The human asked something about deviating from path, and more importantly, about Reth himself. Gods, did he dreaded the answer.
– Well… I mean… You shouldn’t really do that, it’s a commitment for a reason, but, you know… Majiri choose paths when we are still young and it can become more of a burden than anything else. Reth… I’m sure he’s ostracized enough as it is, and maybe if he had more support he would stay on his path, or rather would have chosen one that suited him better. Did you try his dishes? Gods, they are to die for, if his path was to do with cooking, he would’ve been world class chef one day, I’m sure. But because he “should be” a carpenter… it is what it is. Anyways, I shouldn’t gossip, so don’t ask me anymore about him, or anyone else. Unless you want to shit on Kenli for bringing chapaas here, then be my guest.
Reth’s eyes were misty, it was probably the nicest way anyone spoke about him all day, maybe even all his life after he abandoned his path. He decided that tonight, after all of his deliveries he’ll visit the man. Even if only to give him something tasty.
Speaking of which, his soup was probably burning.
***
“Chapaa Masala just for you!” was the first thing he heard after entering his grove.
– Thank you, but why? – he really enjoyed Reth cooking so it was a pleasant surprise, but a surprise nonetheless.
– Oh, you know, just because? As a thank you? Because you like it? Choose whichever answer you prefer.
– And what would you be so grateful for? I didn’t do anything.
He took the meal and placed it on a small table in his tent. He took off his bow and put it in a safe place in a corner. That was the moment he realized that he lent his spare bedroll to Najuma, because Hodari finally agreed to her idea of spending the night in the mines. Of course, together with him. He grimaced.
– Oh no, you don’t like it? I was sure you do!
– No, no! – he stopped the Cook before he could fall deeper into despair over some meat. – I love it, I promise! It’s just… I don’t have the spare bedding tonight, I’ve lent it to Najuma. I’m so sorry.
He really felt sorry. When Reth finally came, there was no place for him. Hassian felt awful, and maybe that’s why he proposed to sleep on the floor, while the other man would sleep in his place.
– No, I couldn’t! Besides, it kinda got better recently, my sleep I mean… Not ideal, but not walking like a zombie level either. I just wanted to tell you that I heard you today, when you were talking about me to this Human. I’m just grateful that you don’t think I’m a complete menace to society. Everyone talked about me today so it was nice to hear someone actually not being a dick. And you know… caring.
– You’re gonna make me blush again, you fucker! – he punched his arm lightly.
– So you admit that you were blushing? – Reth apparently couldn’t help himself.
– I was just being decent, no need to thank for the bare minimum. – He dodged the question, bringing the conversation to the original course.
– I usually don’t get the bare minimum. – His smile was so sad that Hassian’s heart melted. – I know it kind of is my fault, doing what I do, I’m basically a criminal, and a patch-ditcher on top of that. It’s not like I imagined I’ll end up, but I’m trying to make the best out of my situation. Maybe I’m delusional, but I hope it will be better someday. Maybe I will become a world class chef, like you said. I never really thought of that. It would be so nice, to feel normal again…
– Reth… – they both sat on his bedroll now, closer than ever before – I’m so, so sorry. You don’t deserve it, and it’s not your fault. I know I’m not the best with feelings and overall words, but I want you to know that you did what you had to do. Sure, it wasn’t pretty and proper and… legal, but you’re not a bad person. I don’t believe that what you do defines what type of person you are. Sure, sometimes that is the case, but not you, you have a good, caring soul, anyone could see that if they bothered to look.
– I just feel like a such disappointment. – The tears started streaming down his face and Hassian did the only thing he thought was appropriate, he put his arm around his friend and brought this distressed, crying face to his chest. – I don’t want to live like this, but it’s either this life or no life at all! I too want to feel welcome, have friends, date, but all of this would just put more people in danger, and thus, wanting this makes me probably the most selfish person on this planet. But I just can’t help it…
– It’s not selfish to want to be loved – he whispered, face squished into Reth’s soft hair. He smelled like cooking oil, herbs and basement, a combination that shouldn’t be pleasant and yet it was.
They stayed together until Reth calmed down, and by that point they both were laying down, hugging. Well, more like Hassian hugging Reth, but after some time his hands also found their way to Hunter’s waist. Tau slept next to them, but he looked ready to wake up at any moment.
– I’m sorry Hass… I just wanted to thank you and ended up like this… Your dinner is probably cold. I should go.
Hassian tightened the hug, not allowing Reth to get up.
– Do you see me complaining? No, so shut up and stay here. Unless you really don’t want to, I won't keep you hostage.
He loosened his arms.
– I really, really want to stay.
***
They woke up at some ungodly hour, tangled into each other and weirdly, quite rested.
Reth opened his mouth, ready to spill all the apologies he could think of, but the hand that landed on his lips successfully stopped him.
– Don’t you dare to say sorry, it’s too early for me to properly argue.
He laughed despite himself and grabbed the hand that blocked his speech.
– What if I wanted to complement your morning looks?
– Sure, can’t wait to hear that – said Hassian, snuggling his head into Reth’s chest even more.
– Well…
Reth tucked one of the dreadlocks behind the ear of Hunter, to see him better.
– Your hair ain't that disheveled, but just messy enough for you to look sleepy. All those lines on your face are smooth, you don’t look angry anymore, just so calm. And calm suits you very much, but to be fair you’d probably look good wearing any emotion there is. But that’s just because you’re quite the looker.
Hassian was now staring at him, not really knowing if he’s dreaming or not.
– Really? – He paused. – You’re not taking the piss?
– I would ask if you own a mirror, but seeing as you mostly live in a tent, that might’ve been a stupid question. But to answer you, yes, really, of course, you’re beautiful. And honestly, that mornin’ voice of yours is just a cherry on top. And that’s coming from a cook, I know a thing or two about cherries.
Hassian laughed, out loud, for the first time in forever.
– Well, do that again and I might just start looking for a ring – he joked.
– I’m size 9. For future reference.
Somehow this statement brought them back to reality, this conversation went probably a bit too far to be just jokes. Neither of them wanted to stop.
– You’re handsome too. – the secret cuddler whispered, almost scared. – Star lever handsome. Best soup ever made level handsome.
Now was the Reth time to laugh.
– Gods, I was never compared to the soup before, not complaining though.
– You’re hot like one too. – Hassian was smiling, and his eyes were now drilling into the blue irises of his friend. – Like, scorching, straight out of the oven…
– I really want to kiss you right now – Reth interrupted him.
– Then do it.
So he did. Their lips met halfway, angle uncomfortable and perfect at the same time. They fit perfectly, clinging to each other, hands wandering, lips parting, inviting the other to enter, feel even closer. The morning chill went away instantly, replaced by the heat of the moment.
When they parted, they both were panting.
– You should know – started Hassian – I’m not doing casual flings.
– And you should know that soup is not made in an oven – he answered and kissed him again. After a moment, he added:
– I don’t want a casual fling.