Chapter Text
She woke with a tangle of blankets and the panic already hounding her mind. Sightlessly grabbing her lance from the bedside and then fumbling, frantically to unlatch the window.
And then jumping out, grasping for masonry, climbing, climbing. Across the roof to the next one, and higher, higher still. She had to leave it behind. Jumping, grasping, she could still smell it–the cloying sweetness. Her muscles burning with tiredness, begging to stop but not here not here she couldn’t wind down, she couldn’t–Tears blurred in her eyes, stinging with the wind.
Finally, finally, clutching the tip of a tower, the highest point around for malms, she finally felt able to breathe. The air was frigid and biting and there was no hint of anything in the breeze but the cold.
She gasped for air, messy gulping interspersed with coughs and bitter, fat tears trailing down her cheeks.
What a joke. She was meant to be this–this Warrior of light, this hero! And she couldn’t even fall asleep properly. She sobbed, clutching her head in her hands.
Every time she went to sleep, she remembered the Black Rose. She remembered a battle and a sickly sweet scent and the drowsiness that nearly got her before she could drag herself away. So many others had not been so lucky.
She was so tired.
Slowly, her breathing ground down, gasps winding down to steady breathing, and tears swept away by the wind. It left her face chilled as she came back to herself.
Behind her, she heard the thumping of someone setting down. She turned slightly, just enough to see who it was.
Oh, Estinien.
She turned away again, too proud to have him see her tears, surreptitiously wiping them away. This wasn’t the first time he had seen her cry and it wouldn’t be the last, but still.
“Are you ok?”
She laughed shakily, “Not really”. What a question. She hugged herself, shivering.
“I had another nightmare”