Chapter Text
The last patient of the day stands up and offers Magnus his hand.
“Thanks, doc, see you next week?”
“Sure,” Magnus answers, “arrange an appointment with my secretary. And do your home exercises, okay? Meditate, write your thoughts on your journal, no matter how unimportant they look, everything that pops up in your mind, and try to practice positivity. Especially at work. Stand for yourself and take no nonsense.”
“Doc, that’s too much. I don’t know if I can…”
Magnus smiles amicably. “I don’t mean you have to get everything all at once or even in a little while. It’s my recommendation to try, every day, until you’re so at ease that things will come smoothly to you. This, you can do it. And add some physical activity, it’ll help with your sleep issues.”
The patient sighs. “I’ll do my best. Psychotherapy is a hard task indeed, doc.”
Magnus stands and circles around his desk to put a hand on his shoulder.
“It’s not a competition, Jake. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone except to yourself. Or maybe not even that, it’s more like a challenge, the award of which is your wellbeing, your serenity.”
Jake smiles in turn. “Thank you. You’re always able to find the right words to make me feel better and encouraged. Your husband is a damn lucky guy, with a partner like you.”
Magnus’ smile becomes softer. “Not as much as I am, believe me. But now go, it’s getting late.”
“Right, doc, sorry!”
“Not at all. See you.”
Jake quietly shuts the door behind himself and Magnus rushes to his desk to pick up his papers, tucking them untidily into his briefcase. It’s going to rain in a while, there’s a storm coming in and he doesn’t like to drive when the weather is this bad. Moreover, the last stretch of the road toward the villa is virtually gravel and becomes muddy even too easily, and Magnus went to work by his city car today, totally unsuitable if he wants to avoid getting stuck. He picks up his coat, hat and umbrella and, after having checked that his PC and all the lights are off, walks out of his study, hastily saying goodbye to his secretary.
“We’re done for today, Al. Turn everything off and go home as quick as you can, if you don’t want to get soaked.”
“I should have some paperwork to do, still, Magnus.”
“No way. Paperwork can wait, people don’t. Go. See you tomorrow, if the weather gets better. Otherwise, I’ll postpone my appointments myself, don’t worry. Let’s keep in touch.”
“Fine, thanks. Run, I’ll shut the place.”
Magnus waves hello and runs downstairs. Luckily, he could park his car just a block away, and he’s quickly able to reach it and leave. There’s much traffic tonight, the impending rain making people try to reach their homes as soon as possible, and of course “soon” is a totally undependable word. So, when Magnus has painfully slowly reached the suburbs and can finally increase the car’s speed, it already started raining. Not that much, just a sprinkle, but Magnus knows it’s getting worse very quickly, and he’s still more than half an hour drive from home.
“Shit” he swears, hitting the steering wheel. But there’s no gain in cursing the weather or the traffic or whatever, he needs to be careful and wary. He pushes the button for phone calling Alexander. He answers after one ring only, he’s likely very anxious. He always gets anxious when it’s raining and his loved ones are driving through the storm, he can’t help but be back to that road he was travelling when his life was turned upside down.
“Baby, where are you?”
“Still on the road, Alexander. Unfortunately I was already late from work and then got stuck with traffic.”
“How much?”
“At least half an hour, but it started raining already so I’m going to slow down. Don’t wait for me, have dinner, I’ll grab some leftover when I’m home.”
“Magnus, please, be extremely careful. Which car did you pick this morning?”
“Guess which?”
“Okay, so even more prudent, baby. Please.”
“Don’t be too concerned, darling. Not the first time I face a tiny storm.”
Alec scoffs. “Stop being smug. See you. I love you.”
“I love you too, Alexander.”
And saying so, Magnus ends the call.
**
It’s raining much harder now, but the gates of the villa are in sight and Magnus takes a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He hopes his in-laws will forgive him for infringing their rule, but he decides to use the keyfob to open the gates and reach the villa by car, trying not to get a cold after being soaked to the bones, something that could easily happen if he crosses the garden on foot.
When he finally pulls out, he allows himself to lean onto the seat for a minute. He’s home, he’s safe – his car too, luckily, he thinks scoffing. The rain is falling profusely, flooding the car glass with no mercy, and its noise is almost deafening. Magnus picks his things up and it’s going to walk out of the vehicle, ready to run to the front door, when he vaguely hears a whine coming from outside. He lends an ear to listen more attentively, but nothing. He must have heard a squeal from a window or so, it’s hard to tell. He gathers his courage and opens the car door when the whine happens again, and it’s much clearer now. Where does it come from? Magnus tries to look harder towards the rose bushes and suddenly two very small lights appear under one of them. Something seems to be moving and the lights turn out to be two cat eyes reflecting the small lanterns hanging at the front door.
**
Magnus is going to fall asleep in his small bed. They came to this big, big city only a month ago, and he still can’t get used to mostly everything: the neverending roar of the car engines, the polluted air which chokes him, the noises, the screams, the cries, the fights he hears through the thin, old walls of their house.
The people’s total unconcern for one another, even between neighbors.
He wistfully remembers the quiet running of the river behind their hut, and the soothing rustle of the tree leaves, a tree protecting their little house from the storms so frequently happening there. Their house was poorly furnished but clean and welcoming, it was home. And when it rained hard, his mom sat on the mat, keeping him into her arms, and told him fabulous stories of monsters and heroic warriors.
Life was hard, but people were kind, and generous. They shared what little they had, so no one could feel abandoned, ever. Children ran around free, every house a shelter.
Here everything is ugly. Dusty. Dirt. So dirt that it’s almost impossible to keep something clean. Noisy. People are angry. And it’s hot, so hot. Yes, it was hot at home too, but the river was right there and children could dive into it and enjoy its fresh waters. There’s no river here. Just the dirty puddles on the asphalt when it rains, laced with gasoline which draws strange rainbows in them.
They live in a sort of warehouse now, what his parents can afford at least until they find a decent job, but this looks harder every day. Sometimes Magnus doesn’t have anything to eat but some bread and goes to bed with an empty stomach. And he’s often alone, his parents running everywhere to scrape some money together, but he’s forbidden to go out, they are too scared of what could happen to a little child in this unforgiving neighborhood. In this unforgiving city. Even the rain is unforgiving here, and now it’s raining, and it’s hot and humid and suffocating.
Magnus can’t sleep. He climbs off the bed and slowly, as silently as he can, he reaches the door, with the aim of opening it. Maybe he could breathe a little better. The battered door creaks and it sounds like a thunder in the silence of the night. Magnus stops and lends an ear, but all that he can hear is his parents’ soft snoring. He sneaks outside: he feels better, even if he smells asphalt and tar, instead of his village orchids’ scent, and the sky is dark. It’s funny and weird, because at home, even when it was raining, the clouds were soft and gentle and a few stars were always visible. Here, the sky is pitch black. Far away, the stark electric lights of the city that never sleeps mercilessly radiate and pollute the night, but here in their alley not even the smallest lantern cuts the darkness.
Magnus sighs. He feels so lonely. So helpless.
He’s on the verge of walking back inside when he hears a small whine coming from the nearest corner of the alley. He tries to look harder through the drops of rain, and the whine repeats. He wonders if he should go and have a look. He’s almost naked and barefoot, and he’s going to get wet, but his curiosity wins upon his caution and, after securing the door to not be left outside, he slowly approaches the street corner. And here it is, a small cat, almost a kitten, two eyes sparkling in the dark, a pointed tail wagging, meowing.
Magnus feels his lips stretch in a smile. He loves animals and felines are his favorites, superb and free and powerful as they are. Okay, this isn’t exactly one of those elegant panthers he once had a glimpse of at home, but wild and domestic cats too were common enough within and around his village. They were fiery predators, always wary of humans, and rarely approached the area surrounding the huts.
This is a city cat. Maybe it lost his mom. It might be hungry. Scared. Now that he thinks about it, Magnus doesn’t even know if it’s a he or a she.
He approaches the cat carefully and slowly, mindless of the rain that’s soaking him, and making quiet reassuring noises. Unfortunately, he has nothing to lure the cat in, no food, not even a small rope to make it play. Yet, the cat comes close, it looks trustful. It sniffs Magnus’ hand, then butts his head against it. Magnus strokes it gently, then scratches it behind the ears, earning a purr.
“Oh, little one – Magnus says sadly – I have nothing to give you right now, not even a crumble, you know, we didn’t have much for dinner, but what if you come back tomorrow? I could spare some of my food for you.”
Magnus keeps on caressing the cat on its head and back, until the small animal seems to understand that the boy doesn’t have anything to offer, and turns on its heels, slowly walking away, his tail still straight.
“Come back tomorrow, please…” Magnus whispers.
**
The morning after Magnus is excited and appears restless.
“You okay, cintaku?” his mom asks. Magnus nods furiously and looks like he wants to finish his modest breakfast very quickly. “May I go outside, to the courtyard, mom? Please?”
His mom looks puzzled. “Why? Did you eat your bread?”
“I can take it with me, and also my glass of tea…”
Mom, hands on her hips, stares at him suspiciously, and Magnus is scared because he’s never been able to hide anything from her. But he needs to search for the cat, he hopes to feed him on some of his bread, maybe soaking it in the tea, because who know? Maybe he’s a kitten – Magnus already decided it’s a he – and he doesn’t have sharp teeth yet.
Luckily, she gives up; she has already too much to worry about, and Magnus has always been an obedient and careful boy.
“Okay, you can go. But don’t get away, just up to the end of the alley, I don’t want you in danger, is it clear?”
Magnus jumps on his feet smiling. “Yes mom, sure mom, thank you mom…” and runs away while mom looks at him in disbelief. She runs a tired hand on her hair, tying it in a bun. She has such beautiful, thick hair, someone offered her good money if she agreed to have it cut. They say they make wigs with it. But she has already sold everything she owned to pay for the travel that brought them here, and she wants to keep this last token of her beauty and of her youth, now that she has nothing else.
Magnus might have hastened to walk out but now he’s moving slowly and carefully to not scare the kitten. Because here it is, in the same corner, looking at Magnus expectantly. It’s a nice tabby cat, eyes green as the forest trees of Magnus’ childhood, looking confident. Magnus reaches out his hand and once more the cat purrs, even more intensely than the night before. A quick look under the tail reveals that it’s a male cat.
“I knew that!” Magnus exclaims. “I’ll call you Harto, it means ‘treasure’ in my language, do you like it?”
Harto doesn’t look particularly impressed and keeps on purring. He’s not actually famished, at least his flanks are not hollowed, but when Magnus dips the bread into his tea and offers it to him, he makes the food fall onto the ground touching it with his paw and starts eating happily.
Morsel by morsel, Magnus gives him everything. He’s hungry, having sacrificed almost half his breakfast, but the joy of feeding a cute cat, being purred in return, fills his heart in a way he can’t explain.
**
With time, Harto becomes more and more confident. He allows Magnus to caress him, he enjoys light scratches under his chin and behind his ears, and when Magnus, after a few days, tries to pick him up, he’s okay with that too. Magnus keeps him close to his heart, feels his satisfied purring against his chest and is flooded by an encompassing love he never experimented. It’s the pure joy of loving and be loved in return by such a trustful creature.
“You know what, Harto? I’ll bring you home with me. We can share some food and you can sleep with me in my bed. I’m sure mom and dad will be okay with that, you’re so beautiful, they will love you too. Like I do.” He hugs the cat tight and they brush their cheeks together, as brothers.
When Magnus gets home with Harto, the warehouse is still empty. He carefully hides the cat under his bed, telling him to stay quiet. Magnus trusts his parents but he’s a little concerned anyway, so he decides to talk to them before disclosing the presence of the new guest.
When they arrive, though, they’re both in a bad mood. Usual problems, the hard task of learning a different language, a different kind of life, job issues since none of them earns enough money to keep the family afloat, the impending instalment of the loan that paid their travel… Magnus would like to help them, but he’s only a child. Anyway, he chooses to postpone the introduction of Harto.
Unfortunately, when the little family is sitting on their mats to consume their meagre dinner, an obvious meowing comes from under Magnus’ bed. Harto might have smelled food, and meows again. Magnus’ parents look at each other flabbergasted, and Magnus blushes furiously.
Dad stares at him. He knows that his son loves animals and looks that Magnus has picked up some stray.
“Magnus, anything to tell us?”
Magnus swallows hard, his heart beating quickly against his ribcage, then clears his throat.
“I…um…found, yes, found a kitten. Oh, dad, he was hungry and wet and I…couldn’t let him out there…” His last words almost a whisper.
Meanwhile, Harto has walked from under the bed and jumps onto Magnus’ lap, trying to reach what’s in his bowl. Magnus holds him from devouring his dinner.
Dad and mom look at each other and sigh.
“Magnus,” mom says gently, “you know we don’t have enough food even for the three of us. We don’t have money to waste on a cat, you know that, right?”
“But he doesn’t eat much, he’s little! I can share my food with him.”
“He’s little now,” dad adds, “but he’s going to grow, to become a bigger cat. He can’t have your food, baby, you must grow too and become a big boy, you need it. You need your strength to go to school and find a good job and get the life you deserve. That’s why we came here, searching for a better future, for you, mostly.”
“But…”
“Magnus!” dad exclaims and sounds terribly ultimate. “We can’t afford to feed a cat or whatever animal. Tomorrow, I’ll bring him somewhere else, he’ll get by, don’t worry.”
Tears are flowing down Magnus’ cheeks now. He would want to fight, but he already knows the hard inevitability of what dad said. He lets Harto eat his dinner, then he slowly stands up and goes to bed, still holding the cat. After a few hours, exhaustion wins Magnus: he and Harto sleep next to each other for the rest of the night.
When Magnus wakes up, his mom is stroking his hair softly and Harto has disappeared.
**
The cat meows again and Magnus snaps out of the enchantment in which he fell, flooded by a wave of memories. Suddenly, reality is back, the roar of the hard rain, the intense rustling of the leaves hit by the heavy drops, the lightnings and the thunders.
“Harto…” he whispers. Then he shakes his head. “God, I’m stupid, but…this time – and squints, looking towards the bush under which the kitten took refuge - I won’t let you out of my sight.”
He launches himself out of the car, closes it and in a bit he’s soaked wet. He doesn’t mind. Guided by the golden light sparkling from the cat’s eyes, like walking through a dream, he carefully approaches the cat, trying not to scare him. But the cat looks trustful, and moves out of his poor shelter towards Magnus, whose hand is stretched at him. He sniffs it, then nuzzles against Magnus’ palm and meows again.
Magnus crouches in front of him, and slowly, giving the cat enough time to retreat, picks him up, holding him and blanketing him within his coat’s lapels.
Just like so many years ago, tears flow down Magnus’ cheeks. He strokes the cat’s head. “Let’s go home, honey…”