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Logically speaking, Dazai maybe should be more worried. But in actuality, he couldn’t find himself overthinking his actions one bit. Quite the opposite actually. It might be pretty funny.
See, Dazai was faced with quite the issue this morning. Just the prior day, his beloved partner had returned from a one week long mission abroad. And one week of separation was simply too much! Hence, it only made sense that they used half their night to catch up on certain activities they had missed out on for the unfairly long time they were forced to be apart!
Of course, Chuuya had told him about the mission. He was tasked with apprehending an ability user who attempted to use their powers to seduce single members of various organizations, including the Port Mafia, on multiple occasions in hope of gaining classified information that could benefit them. Nothing had happened, and the person had been disposed of, but it still convinced Chuuya to make absolutely sure that everyone in the entire world would know that Dazai was very much taken. Just in case.
Dazai had quite the possessive dog. A possessive dog who enjoyed biting him, nonetheless. So, after a night of fun experiences, Dazai’s entire body was now littered in more chibi-sized markings than ever before. Well, more than ever in the past 4 years they were forced to keep their relationship a secret for safety purposes. Sure, Dazai often carried Chuuya’s markings on him. Almost every single day. But they were usually somewhere hidden. Whether by clothes or bandages, it didn’t matter. What did matter was that they were where no one would see them.
That was until this day, at least. Because last night, Chuuya made sure to place his claims where not even all of Dazai’s bandages could hide them. So now he was standing in front of the agency, the visible part of his neck covered in bruises, not knowing whether to expect questions, or whether everyone would just brush it off and move on. Dazai took a deep breath, then entered the office.
“I’m here!~” He cheered, skillfully avoiding the pen projectile coming from Kunikida’s desk. “You’re late, you waste of bandages!” The blonde yelled, making Dazai snicker as he moved to his chair. “But Kunikida-kun~ It’s only 10:30!” Kunikida already looked like he wanted to throw Dazai out of the window. “And you were supposed to be here at 9!” Dazai only waved him off with a grin. 9, 10:30, who cares! I’m working now aren’t I?!” Kunikida nearly broke another pen, then grumbled something along the lines of Dazai’s definition of ‘work’ being folding important documents into paper planes.
Nonetheless, the office returned to work. Well, everyone except for Dazai, at least. The bandaged detective instead happily spent his time texting a certain slug who he knew was stuck in an exceedingly boring meeting. Of course, Dazai was such an amazing husband that he made absolutely sure the other wouldn’t have to deal with any boredom whatsoever! …by sending him lots and lots of messages whining about how it was so horrible that Chuuya left so many hickeys, despite Dazai consenting fully and being partially responsible for asking for them in the first place. Chuuya only responded with lots of casual insults and then went on to rant about how stupid and complicated Mori’s plans for missions were and how he sometimes really wished Dazai was there to make them easier.
The day went on like that for a while and the agency had yet to discover the results of Chuuya’s possessiveness. In the end, it was Kenji, bless his young, innocent soul, who asked first.
“Dazai-san, did you run into a fight this morning? Are you injured? There are lots of bruises on your neck!” He asked, sounding genuinely concerned. And suddenly, all eyes were on him. Some with different intent than others.
Atsushi, sporting a similar innocence to Kenji, immediately jumped up from his seat to walk over and take a closer look at his mentor, Kyouka’s reaction was non-existent, Kunikida simply looked like he mourned his once again messed up schedule, the Tanizaki siblings seemed suspicious, Ranpo was grinning in the corner, probably already fully aware, and Yosano basically jumped out of the office to launch herself at her coworker. Dazai gulped as everyone in the room was staring at him.
“Dazai-san, are you okay? What happened to you?” Atsushi asked, worried. Dazai chuckled. Well, looks like his day was about to become quite a lot more interesting.
“I’m alright, Atsushi-kun. See, they’re not exactly injuries and–” He was cut off by a loud gasp from Yosano. “Dazai! When were you gonna tell me you got yourself laid! How dare you stay quiet about something so monumental! I thought we were friends!” She sounded so offended, it almost took the man in question by surprise. Meanwhile, the entire room had frozen over, with exception of Ranpo, of course. Well, Ranpo probably knew more than the rest of the room combined.
Kunikida’s exasperated look turned into a glare and Dazai sweatdropped. “What do you mean by that, Yosano-sensei?” The idealist asked. Yosano crossed her arms in a huff. “Isn’t it obvious! Just look at this guy! These aren’t injuries. I’m a doctor, I would know. These are hickeys! And they’re certainly not painted on to mess with us! They’re very much real, which means an actual person put them there!”
Kunikida finally did break another pen. “Dazai I swear, if you were late to work because you were ‘busy’ engaging in such things then–” They almost forgot about the person who started this, until said person spoke up. “What are hickeys?” Kenji asked, innocently. The room froze again. It was then that Kyouka decided to step in and pull the other away. “There’s a new food stall right around the corner I wanted to try. You should come too.” She told the boy who immediately redirected his attention upon hearing the word ‘food’. Kyouka sent Dazai a look that told him she definitely knew what was up here and then the two younger agency members left the room.
Yosano still looked offended. Junichirou looked a little pale, his sister a little too excited. Ranpo was Ranpo. Atsushi was slightly flushed at the mere topic of the conversation and Kunikida was red, though not of embarrassment, but rather of anger. Dazai merely grinned. “My my, Kunikida-kun~ I was doing no such thing! These are from last night! This morning I simply got sidetracked checking out a nice-looking river!” He spoke.
“Don’t change the topic! I want to know more!” Yosano complained and smacked Dazai on the head. Atsushi looked like he was regretting his decision to join the agency once again, but still found the courage to ask. “...So, does that mean Dazai-san has a girlfriend then?” He asked. Dazai snorted at how awkwardly shy he was behaving. It made sense. Atsushi wasn’t the type to know all that much about such things. “Not a girlfriend.” He answered nonetheless. “A wife, then?” Atsushi continued, even though he couldn’t believe that Dazai might be married. Not one bit. Dazai shook his head again. “Not a wife either.”
Now even Kunikida joined in. “What now?! Did you just randomly pick a woman off the streets then? What, did she propose a double suicide first or did you simply trick her?” Dazai gasped, offended. “Kunikida-kun! I’d never ‘pick someone off the streets’! I’m in a very much long-term and very much committed relationship!”
Now Junijirou dared to join in as well. “But if you don’t have a girlfriend, nor a wife, then what type of committed relationship are you talking about!” Dazai simply smiled and leaned back in his chair. “My dear colleagues~ Who said I’m with a woman?”
Now, everything was quiet. The only sound in the room being the sound of Ranpo munching on some popcorn he’d gotten from who knows where.
“...Does that mean Dazai is actually gay?!” Atsushi asked with wide eyes at the revelation. Kunikida spluttered and shook his head. “There's no way! Why in the world would he be asking every woman for a double suicide if that were the case!” Dazai chuckled. “All just for show! I like messing with people!” He then admitted, shameless as ever. “So, does that mean you are gay then?” Yosano asked. Dazai sighed and stared at the ceiling, a smile creeping up on his face.
“Sexuality is a spectrum, Yosano-sensei, and I’m attracted to one single person and that person only! The fact that he's a guy has nothing to do with it! Well, I suppose his dick is nice~ But it's mainly his personality and his everything for me!” Yosano gasped and almost jumped over the table. “Don't tell me you're a fucking bottom!” Dazai only grinned mischievously. “Got a problem with that?” Yosano only shook her head in disbelief. “I just didn't think you'd be the type to give up control to someone else.”
Dazai hummed and played with his bolo tie, hand discreetly brushing over a certain small object hidden on a necklace under his shirt, close to his heart. It held the weight of years upon years of pure trust and devotion.
“And while that might be a true assessment, with him it's different. He's special. With him, it’s easy to let go and enjoy it. I’ve only ever been with one person and I know it could never be anyone else, nor do I want it to be. My partner is all I need.” Even considering the overarching topic that led to this conversation, no one could deny that Dazai’s words were quite sweet. Yosano was still quite taken aback. “Oh really? You’re surprisingly sentimental about this… Have to say, that’s some dedication right there. Can’t say I saw that coming. Are you really that devoted to your lover?”
A new voice sounded from the entrance. A voice that made Dazai happy the moment he heard it. “You’d be surprised.” Said voice spoke.
Stepping in through the agency’s door, came the Port Mafia’s tiniest executive, Chuuya Nakahara. Dazai found himself grinning. “Chibi!~” He greeted the other excitedly. Chuuya walked over and punched Dazai’s shoulder, before leaning on his chair. “Alright so what’s going on here. Kyouka texted me that shitty Dazai is about to say some stupid things.”
Dazai gasped and pouted. “Chibi! How dare you! And here I was, thinking you came because you missed me!” Chuuya merely shook his head. “Why the fuck would I miss you you piece of shit?” Dazai pouted even more and slumped down into his seat.
“Did you know that Dazai-san has a lover?” Atsushi asked, intrigued. Chuuya snorted, amused. “Of fucking course I know that this asshole here has a husband, would be weird if I didn’t.” At that, everything was quiet again.
“HUSBAND?!” The entire agency yelled at once, well, except for Ranpo, and the president who emerged from his office to see what was going on. Fukuzawa arched an eyebrow and looked around. “Did something happen?” He asked. Naomi smiled sweetly, but it had something almost vicious to it. “Did you know that Dazai apparently has a husband?”
Fukuzawa stared at her for a moment, then she stared at Dazai, then at Chuuya, then switched between the two men. Then he simply nodded. “Ah, yes, Dazai’s husband. I believe it’s in his employee records. He filled out the field the moment I gave them to him when he joined us two years back.
Of course, that only led to more chaos. After all, didn’t that mean that Dazai had been married for two years?! And never bothered telling any of them?! Dazai watched them, amused. He felt a hand on his back, typing out a message.
Wanna traumatize them with unnecessary details?
Dazai grinned at his husband and nodded
“To answer your earlier question, Yosano-san, yes, he really is that devoted. This bastard here has been with the same person for seven years! Can’t believe anyone would put up with him out of their free will.” Chuuya commented. Yosano immediately refocused on him. “Oh? Do you know his husband, then?” Chuuya rolled his eyes. “Of fucking course I do. I really don’t understand what possessed him to marry this guy here.”
Dazai scoffed, offended. He just wanted to yell out loud that it was Chuuya himself who proposed to him in the first place! Everyone stared at Chuuya in disbelief. “Seven years?! Doesn’t that mean they’ve been together since Dazai-san was 15?!” Junijirou asked. The older redhead gave a nod in response. At that point, Dazai decided to join in on the conversation.
“You could say it was love at first sight~ Though neither of us had any experience in the romance department at all and so it took us a few months to put down a label! But we’ve been together since!” He grinned, leaning against Chuuya who didn’t protest much. Atsushi seemed completely amazed. “...Dazai-san has a husband.” He mumbled, like he was trying to assure himself that he’d heard it right and wasn’t stuck in some surreal fever dream.
“What even started this discussion in the first place?” Chuuya asked. Kunikida coughed in the background. “Dazai’s neck. It’s… Covered in interesting bruises.” Chuuya side-eyed the bandaged detective and for just a moment, a slight blush was flickering over both their faces. They quickly pulled themselves together though, none of the agency members noticing the change.
“Well. I have a very possessive husband you know!” Dazai said with a satisfied smile. “He just has to make sure that everyone knows I’m taken! See, he’s a bit like a dog! Slobbering all over me and then biting me everywhere! Though I suppose his bites are far more pleasant than any other bites could ever be.”
Everyone in the room collectively grimaced. Ranpo decided it was finally his time to join. “...At this rate you’ll break them. Details, Dazai, details!” Now of course, that only meant the bandaged detective would certainly continue his rant!
“But it’s the truth!~ I have his marks everywhere! On my neck, on my chest, on my thighs, even on my d–” “-NOPE. NOPE. We don’t need to know any more Dazai-san! Please, we all know you’re taken! No need to go into detail!” Atsushi scrambled to say, making Dazai burst out laughing. Next to him, the Chibi scoffed. “Well, his husband has more than enough reason for these marks! Back in the day we went to a bar once and some guy really had the fucking audacity to try and get shitty Dazai to go home with him! While his husband, well, boyfriend, was right there next to him!”
Dazai had to suppress the wheeze at Chuuya’s pettiness. He remembered that day clearly. Freshly turned 18, they had celebrated a successful mission by going out for some drinks. Dazai immediately shot down any moves the stranger tried to make on him, but Chuuya had already been seething. Of course, the possessive Chibi had made a big show out of glaring at the man before pulling Dazai into his lap and deciding an intense public makeout session was the way to go. It had worked, at least, and the man had reluctantly retreated to go bother some other person. Of course Chuuya had taken Dazai home after that and then the latter spent half the night reassuring the redhead that he belonged to him and him only. From then on, the usual amount of visible hickeys left on his skin were doubled. In addition to that, the stranger’s entire belongings vanished without a trace and he was mysteriously fired from his job just one day after the situation at the bar. So yes, Chuuya was quite a possessive husband. And Dazai absolutely loved that about him.
“You seem to know quite a lot about Dazai-san and his husband. Were you three friends?” Really? Chuuya had just shown off his possessiveness by his way of speaking and they apparently still weren’t getting it. Well, Dazai guessed they just had to dial it up a bit.
“Well, I’m not sure if that’s quite correct.” Chuuya answered. “...But you know so much?” Naomi prodded. Chuuya shrugged. “I know Dazai inside-out if that’s what you’re asking. He was my partner in the Mafia after all. Much to my dismay.” Dazai whined and slung his arms around Chuuya’s waist, squeezing him close. “Chuuya! You’re mean!” He complained. Chuuya shoved a hand into Dazai’s hair and started aggressively ruffling it. “Whatever you fucking mackerel.”
Dazai’s colleagues were watching them with intrigue. Kunikida pushed up his glasses. “I believe it’s not quite correct for you to be this close to another man while you have a husband Dazai! Didn’t you say it’s a devoted relationship?” He asked. Dazai tilted his head up, cheek squished against his husband’s side. “I don’t think that’ll be a problem, Kunikida~ Don’t worry~” Kunikida eyed him suspiciously but didn’t ask any further.
“Well. Now I wanna know more! You can’t just leave us hanging like this! Hey Nakahara, tell us more! Is Dazai also a possessive little shit?” Yosano continued. She was somehow fully invested into her colleague’s love life. At that question, Chuuya smirked. Dazai paled. Sure, Chuuya was the one leaving all these marks. But Dazai couldn’t exactly say much. Surely, Chuuya wouldn’t be so mean that he’d reveal embarrassing information!
Chuuya’s grip in his hair tightened.
Scratch that. Of course Chuuya would be so mean.
“Well, there was this one time where this bastard’s lover had to crossdress as a woman for an undercover mission. For the record: He looked damn good in the costume. And Dazai spent the entire evening looming behind him like a deadly shadow, ready to stab anyone who dared getting even one millimeter too close. Pretty sure this fucker actually killed someone along that evening.”
Dazai blushed and buried his face in Chuuya’s shirt, hitting him with his fist, repeatedly. “Stop it Chuuya! I have a reputation to uphold!” Ranpo snickered, throwing another piece of popcorn into his mouth. “Too late Dazai! From now on, everyone knows you’re very much in love and that you do not like to share with anyone!” Dazai sent him a glare, but of course it did nothing besides making the genius detective laugh more.
“Undercover mission? So Dazai-san’s husband is a mafia member? Does that mean he’s been married to someone from the organization we considered our enemies up until recently? Isn’t that really dangerous?” Atsushi asked, now sounding slightly worried. Dazai shook his head and crossed his arms. “So what if I am? We’re allies now, remember? Plus, it never interfered with my work here before!” If one were to pay close attention to the sounds in the room, they may be able to hear another one of Kunikida’s pens crack. Really, the man needed to de-stress before he’d send the entirety of Japan into a pen-shortage.
“Not only is this sorry waste of bandages married, but it’s to a mafia member?! Dazai! How long were you planning on keeping this a secret?!” Dazai shrugged and leaned back into Chuuya who still hadn’t moved away. “It wasn’t that I was necessarily keeping a secret, it was just that none of you ever asked!” He stated. Kunikida looked close to having an aneurysm. “Well! It never really crossed my mind because you keep asking every woman you meet to commit double suicide with you! What does your husband think of that particular habit of yours?!”
Before Dazai could reply, Chuuya took over again. “He thinks it’s funny. But also annoying. But also funny because of how embarrassed the shitty mackerel gets when a woman actually flirts back and he has to awkwardly turn her down and explain that he’s taken. Seeing Dazai suffer in any form is truly the biggest joy of my life!” Dazai pouted. “You’re being mean again Chibi! Can’t you treat me nice for once?! I thought you loved me!” Chuuya only smacked his head and sighed.
“Wait a second…” Atsushi started. Both Dazai and Chuuya turned to look at him. Has someone finally figured it out? The reason why Chuuya knew so much?
“Chuuya-san is here. Chuuya-san knows a lot about Dazai-san and his marriage. Chuuya-san also seems very close to Dazai-san. Hold on a minute. Could it be…”
The anticipation rose. The rivals were watching with great interest how this kid managed to figure it out first. Then:
“...Chuuya-san! Were you Dazai-san’s best man at the wedding?!”
Chuuya and Dazai sat still for a moment. Then they both facepalmed simultaneously. Truly, how were any of these people considered detectives! So, with a sigh, they decided to rip the bandaid off.
Dazai pulled out the chain around his neck, a ring hanging at the end of it. Chuuya, meanwhile, pulled off his glove and his hand displayed an obviously matching ring. Both were black. Double Black wedding rings. Dazai’s had swirls of red worked into the black while Chuuya’s had the same swirls, but in an icy, blue color. Holding their breaths, they waited for the agency to process things. And then, at once, chaos broke loose once again in the Armed Detective Agency.
“NAKAHARA IS YOUR HUSBAND?!” - Yosano, who basically screamed the words at Dazai’s face.
“I thought you two hated one another!” That one came from Atsushi who was questioning his entire understanding of the world.
“How can Dazai-san be so casual about admitting he’s been married to a Port Mafia executive the entire time?!” Junijirou who already developed a sense of dread only thinking about what this implied for the alliance between the organizations.
“It’s like the plot of a mafia-themed enemies to lovers bl manga!” Naomi commented. She had a look in her eyes that screamed ‘I would totally read that.’
“Congrats! You finally figured it out!” Ranpo cheered, applauding his colleagues.
Fukuzawa was silently watching, and Kunikida?`Well…
“Kunikida-san! Hang in there!” Atsushi panicked, momentarily getting over his shock to rush to the blonde who fainted the moment he processed that his work partner was married to who’d been the enemy just a few months ago.
Meanwhile, Double Black were both laughing, Chuuya taking the opportunity to jump on his partner’s lap and make himself comfortable there. Dazai wrapped his arms around a small waist and smiled at his coworkers. “Well, meet my husband everyone! Chuuya Nakahara!”
It took a while for everyone to calm down, and even then it still wasn’t over. Yosano slammed her hands on the desk and glared at the two men. “How long have you fuckers been married? And how dare you not invite me to the wedding!” She complained. “About 4 years. Got married when this mackerel left the Port Mafia. You weren’t invited because one: we didn’t have an actual big ceremony. And two, we didn’t know you back then.” Yosano crossed her arms in protest. “Still! It would’ve been fun!” Both men raised their eyebrows at her, she sighed and let it go. “...I’ll forgive you, I suppose. But don’t think I’ll forget about this!”
Atsushi, who returned after placing the passed out Kunikida on the couch, also had a question. “When you’re saying four years, that implies you got married at 18! Isn’t that usually a little too early? I mean- I’m 18. And I’m not even in a relationship!” At that, Dazai softened and hooked his chin over Chuuya’s shoulder, smiling at his mentee.
“See, Atsushi, there’s not exactly an age restriction for any of this. People fall in love at all ages and there’s no wrong or right way to go about it! Sure, you should never rush things. You should be absolutely certain before taking such a huge step in your life and relationship. But that certainty might come at 18. Maybe it comes at 25. Or at 40. Or even much later. Love doesn’t have rules. As long as you’re happy and sure of yourself and your relationship, it doesn’t exactly matter at which age it happens. You don’t even have to rush to get into a relationship. Maybe you never want to be. And that’s fine too, alright? I just got lucky. Very lucky. There aren’t many good things in my life. But I was fortunate enough to find my soulmate at 15. And while that might be early. And while we might be much younger than the average wedding age, we were both ready. And while we may have wished for better circumstances, it was well worth it. And I don’t have any regrets. Same goes for Chuuya, right?” Chuuya nodded and relaxed against his husband.
Atsushi pondered his mentor’s words for a moment. Then he nodded and smiled. “I’ll keep that in mind! Thanks, Dazai-san!” Yosano shook her head in disbelief. “Dazai giving relationship advice… I never thought such a day would come. She grinned. “I’ve got another question! What happened in these 4 years since Dazai supposedly disappeared without a trace and left the Mafia?”
Dazai squeezed Chuuya’s waist. “We lived together the entire time, just as we did the years before.” Yosano tilted her head. “And the Port Mafia didn’t find you?” At that, Dazai simply smiled. “I have my ways.” The doctor decided not to ask further questions.
Atsushi apparently wanted to ask something else. “But Dazai-san. Don’t take this the wrong way- just- you two always gave off the feeling that you hate each other. The fact that you’re married is just-” Chuuya cut him off. “Confusing? Strange? Yea. We heard the same from most people in the Mafia who knew we were dating back then. But as I already told everyone when we were teens: Don’t worry about it. Our dynamic wouldn’t be the same without the fights now would it? It’s one of the things I hold dear. And I know that, for as much as we claim to hate each other at times, we’ll always be there for each other and always have each other’s back. We’re not just husbands. We’re partners. To us, that word means much more than any description of a romantic relationship ever would. And it’s not something that can be broken. Got it? True partnership is a bond that goes beyond comprehension. And just like true love, once you find it, hold it dear. Keep that in mind for the future, kid”
Chuuya let the words sink in for a moment. Then he pretended to choke. “Ew. Got sappy there for a sec. Remind me to not ever do that shit again Mackerel.” Dazai grinned. “Aw~ Doesn’t that mean that you love me very much?!” Chuuya bit the side of his neck, making Dazai whine. “Shut the fuck up.”
Of course Dazai made sure to whine excessively about how Chuuya was such a brute and a horrible husband. …He didn’t mean a word. And his voice was far too fond to be considered even remotely insulting. Chuuya just groaned and gave Dazai a hug which swiftly shut him up.
The room was still in a state of being stunned. Dazai in love was certainly something to witness. The man in question then immediately had an idea. “Oh! I know how Chuuya can make it up to me! For his mean behavior and for the hickeys! He should take me out for that one fancy seafood restaurant on a date!”
Dazai shoved Chuuya off, then jumped up himself. Chuuya glared at him but then sighed and grabbed him by the arm, dragging him towards the exit. “Whatever. Let’s get fucking going already before glasses wakes up and yells at you for leaving, you good for nothing.”
Right before they left through the door, they were stopped by Atsushi who had one last question to ask.
“Dazai-san?” He asked. Dazai turned to him, prompting him to continue. “Does he make you happy?” He asked. Dazai smiled at his mentee’s concern, then gave him a firm nod as he wrapped his arm around his husband. “He does, Atsushi. Having him in my life is enough to keep me going, even on bad days.”
Chuuya rolled his eyes and leaned up to press a kiss to Dazai’s cheek. “He’s in good hands with me kid, I promise. I’ll keep him safe until the day I die.
Atsushi seemed happy with that response and retreated. “Then I see no issue with any of it. Have a nice day you two!” The two men waved, then left the agency and the building.
“He’s a good kid.” Chuuya noted as they fell into step next to one another. Dazai hummed in agreement. “I know. That’s why I took him in.” Their hands intertwined as they walked.
“...Hey Mackerel?” Dazai looked at his Chibi, offering him his full attention. “...Does that mean I can leave more visible marks on you again? Like back when we were both with the mafia?” Dazai chuckled and stopped them in their tracks. “Only if I get to do the same to you. We have yet to traumatize your coworkers~” Chuuya tsked and pressed his nose to Dazai’s softly. “Fine. We can do that. Marks on each other, so they know who we belong to. That good, you ass?”
Dazai laughed and tilted his head, leaning closer. “Sounds perfect, my love.” And then he closed the gap between them, kissing Chuuya with all the softness of the love he held for him. Chuuya kissed back with just as much emotion and pulled him as close as their bodies allowed.
Around a corner, Kyouka and Kenji were watching the two men. Kenji cheered and talked about how they had to tell their colleagues. Kyouka was simply glad she could spare his innocent mind from getting corrupted by the shenanigans that were Soukoku and their relationship.
Truly, the most vicious duo in Yokohama.