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Female Anatomy Do Be Cramping the Style

Summary:

As they walked down the vine covered trail, Sam suddenly felt a wave of sadness wash over her.

She tried to shake it off, but it lingered, weighing her down. Then, Danny stumbled, and that was it. Tears welled up in Sam's eyes, and she couldn't hold them back.

~~~~~~~~

Alternatively:

L A R B L E

`\(º_º)/`

Notes:

Dedicated to Sprog, Nephmoreau, and Sprog's lobster heat pad Larble.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

The trees were starting to bloom, Sam noticed.  

She and Danny were taking a walk out in the park together. It really has been too long, what with Tucker landing himself in the hospital last month and Danny being violently sick for the past week on top of the regular chaos the GIW and Drs. Fenton have been causing.  

Sam mourns the loss of this week’s fountain casualty. May it rest in pieces until everyone inevitably forgets about it. 

Danny was finally feeling better enough to leave his OSHA violation of a house. What better way to celebrate than a date in the park, right? He still was very weak and dehydrated but better than he was 50 hours (about 2 days) ago. 

Tucker was sadly trapped to his desk at home trying to catch up on all his missed schoolwork. And he’s doing it all one handed, his other arm stuck in a cast. Sam did not envy him. Even in freshman year, Danny didn’t have as many late assignments to do all at once. He just turned his work in late and got points docked off. 

As they walked down the vine covered trail, Sam suddenly felt a wave of sadness wash over her. 

She tried to shake it off, but it lingered, weighing her down. Then, Danny stumbled, and that was it. Tears welled up in Sam's eyes, and she couldn't hold them back. 

"Danny, I-I need a minute," she choked out. 

Danny looked concerned. "You okay?" he asked, his voice sounding like the second cousin to a meat grinder. 

She shook her head, unable to speak as tears streamed down her face. Danny gently took her hand and led her to a nearby bench, sitting her down and wrapping his arm around her. 

“You wanna talk? You don’t have to, only if you wanted.” 

Sam sniffled, trying to compose herself. "I-I don't know, Danny. I just...I just feel so sad suddenly."  

The vines under the bench started to grow uncontrollably, scaring the crap out of Danny. Red Columbine flowers bloomed throughout her hair. No matter how many times he sees it, the fact that Sam had this kind of power still managed to freak him out. 

Understanding dawned on Danny's face as he realized what might be happening. "is it that time of month again?" he asked gently despite the verdant green blush rapidly growing. 

Sam nodded, her cheeks flushing with embarrassment. "Yeah, I think so." 

Danny squeezed her hand reassuringly. "No problem, Nightshade. We can take a break and sit here. When you feel better, we’ll go to T’s" 

When he saw that Sam was notably not calming down, Danny gently pressed his hand against where her heart was, the other holding Sam’s against his own. He then intentionally breathed deeply before gesturing to her to do the same. 

After a little bit, Sam was able to regain control over her lungs once more. She still felt very fragile emotionally but no longer like a leaf in a hurricane.  

“Okay, I think I'm good for now,” Sam breathed, the Red Columbine flowers quickly wilting away. 

Danny beamed and walked her to the car, buckling Sam’s seatbelt before getting into the driver’s seat himself.  

“I texted Tucker we're headed his way. Okay?” 

“Okay,” Sam whispered.  

For all the wonders of being a woman, if there was one thing Sam would fist fight the entire Council of Observants by herself to change, it’d be periods. They were the bane of her living existence. 

And Sam knew it was about to get even worse. 

 


 

“Woah, you ain’t looking too hot, Sam-pire.” 

“No shit, Sherlock.” 

Tucker raised an eyebrow. "Well, excuse me for trying to help," he retorted. 

Danny quickly grabbed hold of Sam’s arm and dragged her to her favorite chair. Despite what one may think, Sam could knock anyone’s teeth out with a single punch. And Danny didn’t feel like driving Tucker back to the hospital just yet. He just got out, for Ancient's sake! 

“Yeah yeah, hit the guy with a sling, will ya?” Tucker jokingly taunted. 

“He’s just begging to get punch!” Sam inwardly seethed. 

“Shut it,” Danny whispered harshly, “Sam has bad headache. Her time of the month started earlier at the park.” 

And now Sam was tired. 

“Ah. Need me to get Larble?” 

“Yes, please.” 

Everything was too bright and too loud for Sam. She squeezed her eyes shut, looking for any sort of relief from the stabbing pain her eyes seemed dead set on creating. Everything she heard, touched, or smelled was dialed up past 100. She could hear the air conditioner running loudly and what might be the ice machine reloading downstairs. 

And don’t get her started on her cramps. It felt like she was being stabbed, repeatedly, in the space between the pubic and pelvic bones while also being hit with a sledgehammer at the same time. To put it simply, it was worse than hell. Fuck, when she visited Hell in the Infinite Realms, it was practically a five-star resort compared to what she has to endure every fucking month.  

Although the pain was not as bad as whatever the hell was up with the Deep Abyss. Whatever happens down there, should stay down there. She wouldn’t wish that kind of pain on her worst enemy. Or even Paulina. 

Cold snakes slithered around her knees and shoulders, lifting her up from her favorite seat. 

“Who the fuck is moving me? I swear to Pandora, I will drop kick this guy’s ass.”  

“Let’s get you to bed.” 

“Oh, it's just Danny.” Sam keeps forgetting just how cold Danny is. “ Dang, his voice sounds painful.  

“Why is she just noticing that now? ” 

Sam tried to talk but all that came out was a pitiful groan. Her entire body seemed to throb with every second that passed by. At last, Danny set her down in the middle of their bed. 

“Here you go, Nyx. One Larble nice and warm.” 

Sam cracked an eye open and immediately smiled at seeing the lobster shaped heat pad. Mrs. Foley had gifted Larble to her when her cramps really started becoming worse and the Tylenol wasn’t freaking doing anything anymore.  

Of course, Sam, being the overly emotional 13-year-old at the time, sobbed at the gesture and the lobster itself. Later that night, the name came to Sam during a study session. She was half listening to Danny reading off his essay, mistook “warble” for “Larble,” and since then, it stuck. 

Sam loves Larble. Just something about the cartoonish claws and the stitched eyes makes Larble irreplaceable to her. Anyone who messes with Larble gets sent to the orthodontist’s office. Dash is lucky he only had to wear braces for a year. Safe to say he learned his lesson. 

Sam holds Larble close to her pelvis and burrows into the sheets, holly flowers blooming all throughout her hair. Danny snuggled up against her back as Tucker situated himself on his throne of pillows. Sam closed her eyes and sighed. She knew that with Larble and her friends by her side, she could get through anything. 

 

 

 


 

 

 

“I want spicy chili.” 

Tucker groaned, rubbing his eyes as he glanced at the clock. "Sammy, love, it's 2 in the freaking morning. Go to sleep." 

"But Tucky, spicy chili," Sam insisted, her eyes wide with longing. 

Danny started to speak, but Sam cut him off with a determined look. "C H I L I." 

Tucker stared at Danny, silently pleading. Danny spits out the frozen holly petal that somehow got in his mouth. 

“I do think it’s your turn, T-Man.” 

“But, my liege, I can’t make chili with one arm. Can’t you-” 

Danny quickly cut him off. “You do not want me near a stove. Remember last time?” 

“...” 

“...” 

“... Fine.”  

Notes:

Series HC

Larble became an inside joke, whenever they mishear each other, they go “Larble!?”
And so, when Sam gets her lobster there’s really only one appropriate name.

 

ALSO all flower references have meanings that I grabbed from this website: https://www.almanac.com/flower-meanings-language-flowers

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