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Astre knew that Ciel loved him terribly. How could he not? Whenever they got to share candies together, Ciel always made sure that Astre was left with the lion’s share, and even more if Astre ever asked of him. When they played together, Ciel let Astre choose the game, and half the time Astre even suspected of him letting him win as well. And when they were in town with their parents, Ciel always held Astre’s hand, keeping his little brother close to him at all times.
But sometimes it seemed that Ciel loved him too much, like when he glared at other children for daring to talk to Astre. Or when Astre wanted to dress up differently from his brother on a particular day, in which case Ciel would plead him to reconsider, almost as if he had some sort of dire need to be mirror images at all times. But most strangely, when Ciel was doing his special studies, which were only required of him since he was destined to be earl and not Astre, he would lock Astre in their room. Ciel always carried the key with him wherever he went, like a treasure that was all his.
He said it was to keep Astre safe. But whenever Astre asked “safe from what?” Ciel would never have a satisfying answer. He would just reiterate that it was his job as a big brother to keep him safe, and instruct Astre to wait patiently for him.
Astre had started studying on his own while locked in their room. A few weeks ago, Ciel had caught him doing that and curiously asked what he was studying extra for, if he wasn’t going to be earl.
“For the toy shop. I’m going to study hard to learn how to open up my own business,” Astre answered honestly.
And after that, it was like something inside of Ciel snapped. The older twin yanked the book Astre had been studying from his hands and started tearing out the pages. Astre, in shock and anger, demanded Ciel to stop, but the elder wouldn’t until the book was completely ruined. Astre had been in tears of rage.
“How could you?! I needed that!”
“No! You just need me!” Ciel had insisted.
“How am I supposed to ever grow up independent if you don—”
“Independent? You? Please, brother. Don’t tell jokes,” Ciel scowled at him.
Astre matched him with his own fiery glare.
“It’s not a joke. Just because I’m a spare doesn’t mean I’m completely useless without you….you have your future ahead and I have mine.”
“Your future is with me.”
“Ciel, what do you think is going to happen when we grow up? That I’ll live here in the manor with you and Elizabeth? Do you think I’m going to marry and let my wife and kids live here too? I’m not going to be a weird pet that stays in his big brother’s house my entire adult life! I have to find out what’s best for me.”
Ciel looked ready to cry at the mention of Astre’s supposedly future wife. But he managed to bite back the angry tears just enough to continue arguing.
“I am what’s best for you. You’re….you’re just a spare. You can’t do anything without me.”
“Forget you! I’ll show you I can have my own toy shop.”
“Then I’ll destroy it! Make you need me that way!”
Astre froze up, shocked at the udder insanity of his twin’s words. He waited for the moment of clarity to hit Ciel and for Ciel to take his words back. But Ciel simply glared at him, not retracting on what he said at all.
Astre couldn’t believe it. It was bad enough that Ciel didn’t support his dream, but now he wanted to actively destroy it?
“If you do….I’ll never forgive you.”
“You’ll have to. Without your business, you’ll have no way to make income. You’ll need to move in with me then.”
“I’d rather live on the streets than with you!”
The look that Ciel had given him then was icy enough to freeze hell ten times over. Never had Astre since their matching blue eyes with so much icy fire before.
“Apologize, Astre.”
Realizing he was at the point of no return, that if he pushed Ciel any further something bad might happen, Astre finally relented.
“Sorry….” He mumbled. He wasn’t really sorry, but he was tired of the shouting and just wanted to end the discussion. He didn’t have the stamina to be angry forever anyway.
After that incident, Ciel made sure Astre didn’t do any extra studying while he wasn’t around, telling Astre to spend his time playing with their toys and games instead. Astre had no choice, since Ciel took away all their reference books from the bedroom.
One night, while Ciel was fast asleep in his bed and Astre was staring up at the ceiling in his own, a thought struck the younger twin.
Something was seriously wrong with Ciel. His obsession was not one that an elder twin should have for his brother. Astre had always figured this was normal behavior before, probably because he was younger and didn’t know any better. Now it seemed he reached the age where the realization struck.
This wasn’t normal. Ciel’s plans for his future wasn’t normal. Ciel’s need to control every aspect of Astre’s life wasn’t normal.
Ciel was sick.
Astre felt a sudden urge to help his brother, but what could he possibly do for him? Maybe he needed to tell their parents what Ciel’s been doing, how controlling he was being. Maybe they would know how to help him?
Astre glanced at Ciel’s sleeping figure. He thought for a moment. Ciel never let him talk to their parents alone, and Astre had a funny feeling he would get very suspicious if he was asked to let him. No, Astre had to deliberately talk to them while Ciel was none the wiser.
On the nightstand that stood in between their beds was the key, glistening in the moon’s silvery light with a sparkle. Ciel always locked the door from the inside when they went to bed, saying it was for extra protection. If Astre was real careful, he could grab it and open the door without Ciel noticing.
Taking in a deep breath, Astre slowly rose from the bed, setting his bare feet on the plush carpet, cringing for fear of making even the slightest noise. When Ciel didn’t stir, he gained confidence. Astre stood up, towering just above the bed. Ciel was still sound asleep, so Astre dared to move closer to the key. One step in and he immediately looked to see if Ciel had woken. Another step, another glance. Slowly, Astre grabbed the key, then just as slowly he walked toward the door.
If Ciel found out what he was doing, it would not be pretty. But Astre had to risk it. He had to tell their parents what’s been going on. He needed Ciel to get help.
Finally, just in front of the door, Astre took in a steady gulp of air, positioning himself. He inserted the key, and flinched when the click echoed a tad too loud. Astre was just about to turn around to see if Ciel stirred, when two arms came wrapping around his shoulder.
Astre cried out. Ciel giggled, not seemingly a bit angry to see his brother trying to sneak out. The elder twin kissed Astre’s cheek and said with simple curiosity---
“Where are you going, starlight?”
“Ciel!” Astre cried out, trying to steady his heartbeat and think of a good lie, “I was just….I was thirsty and was going to fetch myself some water.”
Ciel tutted at him, his eyes as big and serene as ever. He tugged Astre away from the door, silently ushering him back to bed, but not before grabbing the key from Astre’s hand.
“That’s no good. You should let me do it. The mansion is really scary at night and I don’t want my baby brother to get nightmares from wandering around it. I’ll get you something to drink. Just wait for me.”
Astre had no choice but to comply. He sat down on his bed in defeat. Ciel made it a point to lock the door behind him as he went to fetch his brother a drink. He came back not with a glass of water, but instead with a steaming teacup. He smiled.
“I know you said water, but I figured you needed something extra yummy. I got you hot cocoa. I know how much you enjoy chocolate, starlight.”
He was one upping Astre’s expectations yet again. It was something he did constantly, like he wanted to impress him and get praise. Astre accepted it and thanked him, sipping at the delicious beverage their parents would’ve been mortified to find him drinking so late at night.
Ciel sat on the bed next to him, staring at Astre with a happy look that also appeared blank somehow.
“You were really just going to get a drink….right, baby brother?”
Astre gulped.
“Of course! I’m sorry I didn’t wake you. I promise I’ll ask next time.”
The promise made Ciel’s eyes sparkle.
“I’m so glad. Can I ask you a favor, since I did you one?” his smile stretched from ear to ear, “Can I….cuddle with you tonight? On the same bed.”
Astre frowned. He hated cuddles. He hated how Ciel kept him in a near choke hold for the entire night. How Astre felt like a prisoner in his arms, how he felt like he couldn’t ever escape even in his dreams.
But he knew that there was no way Ciel would take no for an answer. Not after tonight.
Still, he wanted to argue….
“But I like to sleep by myself…”
“But I like to sleep with you,” Ciel said evenly, as if this mattered more, “And besides, even though you were only just getting a drink, it was still really scary to find you trying to sneak out. Can’t you do this for me? Just to comfort me?”
If Astre tried to argue, there would be another shouting match. And if that happened, servants would come and investigate and Ciel would convince them that Astre started it. Astre would get in trouble, because they always took Ciel’s side over his.
With a heavy heart, Astre responded with, “Okay.”
Ciel hugged him tightly and kissed his cheek.
“Thank you so much, starlight! Now finish your drink quickly so we can go to sleep. I want to have nice lovely dreams of our future together, brother.”