Chapter Text
New arrivals on Avian Way were rare. In the three years Drake had lived there, only one family had relocated, and that was only because they had moved closer to their college-going son. The street, being one with friendly neighbors, safe nights, a close school, and a well-rounded HOA, made it a bit of a point of envy around that part of town, which made it so surprising when the house on the other side of the Muddlefoots, long thought to be abandoned, went up for sale.
What proved to be less surprising was how quickly the home at 541 Avian Way was bought up. Within a week of the sign going up, Drake came home to find it had been taken down again. Within two, according to Herb Muddlefoot, the new neighbors were moving in.
Of course, Drake was even less surprised when his annoying neighbor came to the fence one afternoon waving a card that could only be the invitation for another barbecue. How… (boring. despicable. revolting. distasteful.)... fun.
“Morning, neighbor!”
“It’s two in the afternoon.”
Herb glanced between the fence and his house and laughed loudly. “Is it now? Sure doesn’t seem like it!”
Drake rolled his eyes and tried to concentrate on the stubborn weed he was pulling. “Did you need something?”
“Sure did!” Herb stuck the card in Drake’s face and grinned. “Neighbors are having the street over to get to know everyone! Thought you might like to go!”
For the first time, Drake willingly snatched the invitation and inspected it. Herb said something about the newcomers, but Drake only caught part of it as he turned to head inside, not bidding his neighbor goodbye despite the enthusiastic farewell coming from behind him.
Drake stomped into the house and slammed the door behind him, waving his newly acquired card in the air. “Can you believe this?” he exclaimed. “The new neighbors are having a housewarming party! Like the neighborhood doesn’t have enough friendly characters.”
Gosalyn jumped off the couch and ran to him. “Cool! What are they like?”
The mallard slunk to the couch and threw himself down dramatically. “I don’t know. Herb Muddlefoot gave me the invitation because the new neighbors were out shopping or something. They can’t even give the invitations to their own party!”
“Well gee, Drake.” Launchpad turned down the TV and made room for Gosalyn to hop on the couch again. “Maybe they got a good reason for that. They probably have a lot a’ stuff to get for the house and everything. Remember what it was like when we moved in?”
Oh, yes. He remembered well the various furniture and aesthetic decorations they spent hours trying to acquire from second-hand stores and even more hours trying to arrange in the house. “I guess. But we didn’t have furniture. Don’t other people have furniture already?”
“Maybe the Muddlefoots guilted ‘em into having a party,” Gosalyn suggested half-heartedly. “That’s what they tried to do with you, Dad.”
Drake waved it off. “No, no. Herb Muddlefoot is a lot of things, but he’s not a guilter.”
“Why don’t we just stop worrying about it and go to the party?”
Drake gave Launchpad a look. “Uh, no. You two can go if you want, but I’m not interested at all in meeting the new neighbors.”
“Not even to make sure they’re not weirdos?”
Drake slowly turned to look at his daughter.
“Not even… to make sure they’re not plotting against the neighborhood?”
His eye twitched. A beat passed.
“...Fine! But only to scope them out. And, you know. Make sure they don’t pose a threat to the general safety of the block.”
“Keen geer!” Gosalyn exclaimed, dashing for the door. “I’m gonna go tell Honker we’re going.”
She was gone before Drake could protest, so he turned to Launchpad and sighed. “I hope these new neighbors aren’t anything like the Muddlefoots.”
Launchpad slapped his friend’s back. “Aw, look at it this way, DW. Since they’re right on the other side of Herb and Binkie, they won’t talk to you as much!”
Drake laughed despite himself. “That they won’t, old pal. Maybe these new neighbors won’t be so bad afterall.”
The next afternoon, the family set off for the residence two houses down from them. Drake looked again at the invitation. “Do you know anything about these guys, LP?”
“Binkie told me a couple things this morning,” Launchpad said. He adjusted his hold on the pie he was carrying. “It’s two roommates who were lookin’ for an affordable place a couple bachelors could live. One of ‘em’s a duck named Mr. Buffone, and I didn’t catch the name of the other, but he’s a rat.”
Drake nodded and sighed when they reached the front porch, a small thing with a potted ficus and a dripping hose. They needed to get that fixed.
Footsteps grew louder after Launchpad knocked, and the door opened to reveal a tall duck with a big beak and a Hawiian shirt. He grinned at Drake, showing all his teeth.
“Ah! You must be the Mallards! Welcome to the best party we could ever throw!”
A clown-like laugh followed, making Drake realize this new neighbor looked awfully familiar.
The duck moved aside. “Please, come in, come in! I’m Jacob, by the way. Jacob Buffone. But you can call me Jack!”
Drake’s face dropped. There was a reason this guy looked so familiar.
Launchpad stepped in behind him and Gosalyn, and suddenly Jack’s face dropped, too. It only lasted for a second before slipping back into a grin. “You all have to meet my roomie. He’s in the backyard talking to a few of the other neighbors. Come on!”
The host took off toward the back sliding door, leaving Drake, Launchpad, and Gosalyn to follow behind. Gosalyn leaned up to her father’s level as Launchpad strode ahead.
“That guy has way too much energy for an adult. I think something’s up.”
“I think it’s Quackerjack,” Drake whispered back. “There’s too much resemblance.”
“Why would Quackerjack buy a house here ?”
Drake stopped short of the patio door. “I don’t know. But if it is, we’re in big trouble.”
It only took a quick scan of his surroundings and neighbors to find Launchpad, who was chatting up a storm with Jack next to a table filled with cookies and drinks. Drake started for him before being stopped by a familiar face.
“Hey there, Drakester!”
“Herb.”
The overbearing duck wrapped an arm around him and started steering the two toward the other end of the party, Gosalyn following. “Gee, I wasn’t expecting you to show up, but I sure am glad you did! That Jacob is something, ain’t he?”
“He sure is,” Drake mumbled.
“You gotta meet his roommate! He and Binkie were talking over here a second ago. Binkie!”
The canary turned and grinned when she saw Drake and Gosalyn. “Oh, Drake! It’s so good to see you. Come meet our new neighbor!”
She moved to the side, revealing a rat in a yellow polo, blue tie, a baseball cap, and rubber gloves. “Drake, this is Erasmus Sparks. Mr. Sparks, meet Drake Mallard.”
The rat stuck his hand out. “Hey there.”
Drake just stared as Gosalyn tugged on his shirt. “Dad, isn’t that….”
The mallard nodded and looked hesitantly at Mr. Sparks. “Elmo Sputterspark?”
The rat pulled his hand back, surprised. “Yeah?”
“Drake, it’s Erasmus Sparks,” Binkie scolded lightheartedly.
“No, no. He’s right,” the rat said after a moment’s hesitation, seemingly taken aback. He looked more closely at Drake through his glasses and allowed realization to bloom on his face. “I did used to go by Elmo. But how’d you know?”
‘I knew you before you were Megavolt,’ Drake almost wanted to say. Instead, he replied nervously, “We went to the same high school. Remember? Drake Mallard?”
Elmo’s eyes plodded over him in thought. “Oh yeah… you were the guy who was always trying to solve little crimes. Drake the-”
“Drake Mallard! Yep. Drake Mallard. Good to see you again, Elmo.”
Drake grabbed Gosalyn’s hand, made up an excuse, and all but charged for Launchpad at the snack table. Much to his chagrin, Jack was still there.
“-was completely broken after all! I had to drive for an hour in the snow to get a new one!”
Launchpad laughed and then saw Drake. “Hey, Drake! Jack was just telling me about this one time when he worked in a toy factory-”
Drake grabbed his friend’s hand. “We need to talk. Excuse us, Mr. Buffone.”
The three found a relatively secluded corner of the yard.
“Hey, Jack is really somethin’, ain’t he?”
Drake looked around to make sure nobody was listening. “Launchpad, in all your time talking to that guy who was ‘really something,’ did you notice anything? Anything at all?”
Launchpad thought for a second. “Well, he and Herb have the same taste in shirts. Does that count?”
Drake sighed and pointed toward Elmo and Binkie. “See the other neighbor? Does he look familiar at all?”
“Gee….” Launchpad stared and scratched his head. “He kinda looks like Megavolt with the gloves and the glasses and everything. Did you get to meet him? What’s he like?”
“Launchpad, don’t you see!?” Drake cried, exasperated. “It’s Quackerjack and Megavolt!”
Launchpad looked between the two newcomers for a few seconds and then scratched his head. “Really? Why would they be here?”
Drake shook his head. “Who knows? But I’m sure it’s them. The rat over there? Binkie introduced him as Erasmus Sparks. However, using my amazing deductive abilities, I concluded that it’s actually Elmo Sputterspark, now known as Megavolt!”
“No!” Launchpad gasped.
“Yes! And the so-called Jacob Buffone? Did you see his face fall when he saw you come into the house? He recognized you, Launchpad!”
The pilot stroked his beak in thought. “Gee, that is kinda suspicious. Think we should leave?”
“Are you kidding?” Drake exclaimed, startling the other two. “We need to stick around and get more information! The party ends at six, so we have until then to find out more about these guys. Only one-and-a-half hours!”
“And this is coming from the guy who didn’t want to come in the first place,” Gosalyn mumbled, earning a glare from her father. “I mean… Oh, no! We have to stay for a couple more hours? I’d better go tell Honker….”
She trailed off as she slunk away from the two and was off to the other end of the party in no time at all. Drake sighed and looked up at Launchpad.
“C’mon, LP. Let’s go talk to these so-called ‘new neighbors.’”
Despite everything he stood for, Drake allowed himself to be caught deep in conversation with Herb Muddlefoot, who, after a few minutes, steered them over to ‘Erasmus’ and ‘Jack’ and integrated into the conversation. Perfect.
After several minutes of talk about the Muddlefoots and their latest camping trip (if they could even call it that) and a very long-winded explanation from ‘Erasmus’ about how to properly hook up a generator to a motorhome, Drake got a word in edgewise.
“So… Erasmus, was it now? What have you been up to these past years? I don’t think I ever heard what happened with your MIT acceptance since you weren’t at graduation.”
The rat sputtered as Drake inwardly smirked. Well, it was obvious they either didn’t think through backstories, or Megavolt had forgotten everything about the plan.
Before he could be called out, ‘Jack’ hooked an arm around his friend’s shoulders. “Aw, he got a degree and then went into business with me. Been working together since ‘84!”
“That’s interesting,” Drake fake-mused. “What do you two do together?”
‘Erasmus’ perked up. “Oh, we run a design company! Yeah! Uh, Voltage Design!”
Launchpad nudged him. “Ain’t that a cool name, Drake? How’d you guys come up with that?”
“Part of my degree is in… electrical engineering. So, you know, voltage! Haha!”
Drake forced a smile as the rest of the neighbors, especially Herb and Binkie, laughed hysterically at the joke. “Uh huh. What brought you back to St. Canard? It’s a pretty crime-ridden city, after all. You never know when a supervillain might sabotage your pace of business, steal some stuff, blow some stuff up….” He paused for a second to take in their expressions. “I’m just saying, it can get pretty dangerous.”
The new neighbors exchanged a glance so quick it made it difficult to catch their train of thought.
“St. Canard is a very beautiful place,” ‘Erasmus’ finally answered. “There are a lot of opportunities for growth….” He trailed off and squinted at something behind Drake. “And it’s a great place to live in for a change of…trees?”
“Scenery!” ‘Jack’ quickly corrected.
“Scenery!”
“St. Canard has a great change of scenery!” ‘Jack’ exclaimed, grinning to cover his friend’s blunder.
Drake started to turn toward the house, suspicious, but ‘Jack’ slung his arm around Drake’s shoulders and steered him back to the conversation. “Yep, it’s quite a change from Massalina. A good change, I would say though.”
Drake opened his mouth to comment and was distracted by a yell behind him.
“Dad!”
Gosalyn ran to the group out of breath, Honker hot on her heels. “Dad…I…wow. I need…to tell…you something!”
“Is it about…” The neighbors was implied but unspoken. After all, he didn’t want to tip them off.
“Yeah.”
“Give us a sec,” he called back as Gosalyn, Launchpad, and himself walked closer to the house. Honker waited there as well, probably having been caught up on the situation thanks to Gosalyn.
“What’s up, Gos?”
The girl snuck a quick look around for prying eyes and ears. “Ok, so when Honker and his parents got here, those two were still setting some stuff up for the party ‘cause they came a little early. And they were talking. Tell ‘em what you heard them say, Honk.”
Honker adjusted his glasses. “I was hanging around the house and heard Jack say something about how it was weird without his hat. And then he warned Erasmus not to take off his gloves and accidentally fry something.”
“Ah hah!” Drake exclaimed. “I knew there was something up with those two! Further proof that they’re the vexatious villains known as Megavolt and Quackerjack!”
“You ok over there, Drakearoo?” came the unmistakable voice of Herb Muddlefoot from behind him. Drake winced and called a ‘just a minute!’ back.
He turned back to the group. “Ok, try to get as much information as possible, and don’t give too many personal details. Launchpad, Gosalyn, I mean you two. Now let’s get back there before Herb drags us back.”
Of course, Herb and Binkie were deep in conversation once again when they returned, so Drake stood quietly and carefully next to them, tuning out the conversation. Why would Megavolt and Quackerjack be here? It had to be some kind of scheme or heist, but they had never done anything so elaborate before. Backstories? Pretty unnecessary in their normal crimes, especially with Megavolt’s memory like it was. But here they were, trying to fool a normal, suburban neighborhood into thinking they were regular citizens. Why, was the question…
“What do you think, Drake?”
Drake snapped his head to the side to look at Binkie and realized everybody was looking at him expectantly. “Sorry, spaced out for a minute there. What were you saying?”
“Oh, Jacob was just telling us about a job they took to design a new logo for a video game. Since Gosalyn is so much into those, I was wondering what you thought about the whole thing.”
“Oh, well….” He trailed off for a second and shrugged. “I enjoy them every once-in-a-while. I’m not super competitive with them.”
Gosalyn snorted. “Says the guy who didn’t eat or sleep for seventeen hours because he was busy trying to beat the last two levels of Whiffle Boy 3.”
“Hey, hey! I did not -”
“ Dad .”
Drake paused and noted Jack’s uncomfortable twitch and sudden frown. He inwardly smirked. “Hey, you ok, pal? Looking a little…off there.”
The grin was back in no time. “Aw, I’m alright. I just haven’t played that game in a few years.”
“Really?” Drake fake enthused. “It must be a different one you’re thinking of, because Whiffle Boy 3 only came out a couple months ago.”
“Must be.”
The two stared each other down while ‘Erasmus’ looked between the two. After a couple seconds, he placed a hand on his friend’s shoulder and laughed nervously. “You know Drake, we’ve been talking with the neighbors and gotten to know them, but you never told us what you did for a living.”
His brain shut down for half a second.
“Aw, Drake’s an accountant,” Launchpad answered, hooking an arm around his shoulder. “Went to St. Canard University before all the weird stuff started happenin’ there.”
Binkie looked taken aback. “Whatever do you mean, Launchpad?”
“Plant monsters!” Drake suddenly exclaimed, putting on his best dramatic voice. “Two scientists were killed by one of the professors who mutated himself. Ever since, things haven’t been the same. There have been reports of supplies disappearing from the labs and unexplained power outages that nobody has solved to this day.”
“Goodness, Drake,” Binkie said, surprised. “I had no idea you were such a dramatic storyteller!”
He puffed up his chest. “There’s a lot more where that came from.”
“Calm your ego, Dad.”
“Aw, you know he’s always been into solving mysteries, Gos,” Launchpad offered. “I know I’ve solved my share of mysteries over the years!”
Herb laughed, and it almost hurt Drake’s ears. “You got that right! Fellas, being new in town, you don’t know half of what goes on sometimes. Launchpad here is the sidekick for the town’s superhero!”
Drake perked up. Maybe the Muddlefoots would be good for something after all. He slapped Launchpad on the back excitedly. “That’s right! LP is out all the time helping to catch those bad guys! What was the name of that superhero again?”
“Darkwing Duck!” Launchpad exclaimed.
‘Jack’ broke into a coughing fit. As nearby neighbors turned to look, he quickly got himself under control and gave an enthusiastic thumbs up. “I’m great! Uh, tell us more!”
Drake smirked and gave the floor to Launchpad with what some might have called a dramatic flourish. “Go ahead, old buddy.”
Launchpad grinned. “Thanks! Ok, so Darkwing Duck is St. Canard’s resident caped crime-fighter….”
“-so he trapped him in a jar and then splashed him toward Megavolt! Both of ‘em were out for the count by the time the police came to take ‘em to jail. We were about to quit for the night, too, but then Quackerjack blew up a bank a couple blocks down the street! We hadn’t seen him in a while, so DW was pretty excited because it meant we could send three villains to jail in one night. So we drove down there-”
‘Jack’ slapped a hand over Launchpad’s beak. “Stop! Please, stop.”
When the neighbors who were still listening gave him looks, he paused, grinned, and held up a pocket watch he produced seemingly out of nowhere. “Because it’s 6:00, and we’ve got lots of stuff to unpack! So, uh, thanks for coming, everybody!”
“We gotta do this again!” ‘Erasmus’ added. He matched his friend’s grin. “It’s been great!”
Drake stuck out his hand and faked a smile. “Thank you so much for having us. We’ll have to have you over for dinner one of these days!”
‘Erasmus’ moved to shake hands and then abruptly jerked his back. He looked at it for a second and then at Drake. “Heh, sorry. Got some… dip on it. Uh, see you around!”
With that, the guests were escorted out.
“Well,” Drake mused as they moved onto the sidewalk, sidestepping the leaky hose. “I guess they felt a little intimidated by your storytelling, Launchpad. I have to admit, I don’t think I could’ve done better myself.”
Gosalyn punched a fist into the air. “Oh yeah! Did you see his face? Those two guys didn’t know what hit ‘em!”
Drake ruffled his daughters hair at the same time Launchpad frowned. “What’do we do now, DW? I mean, we can’t just let those guys live there, can we?”
Drake mulled it over. On the one hand, it would be great if he could go full Darkwing Duck and bust into the house in order to catch those conniving criminals. That would definitely bump his street cred both in the city and the neighborhood. On the other….
“I think we’ll have to, LP. As much as it kills me, we can’t just barge in there and accuse them of being Quackerjack and Megavolt without any solid proof. The police would probably have my head.”
“Yeah, and the neighborhood watch,” Launchpad added. “And the Darkwing Fan club. Probably the news. Maybe Gizmoduck, too-”
Drake must have looked panicked at the mentions, because Gosalyn patted him on the arm and said, “That probably won’t happen, Dad.”
“Yeah.”
Hopefully.