Chapter Text
“Step right up folks and test your skills! All you have to do is pop three red balloons with this dart—”
Buck passed through the narrow walkway between the noisy game booths, absentmindedly parting out of the way for a large family of seven as he headed further down the pier. The oversized brown teddy bear dragged gently against the ground as he pulled it along by the arm behind him. He’s not even sure why he’s keeping it, why he would want to with the memories the large stuffed animal would always symbolize.
It had been a slip of the tongue, something you probably shouldn’t say on a first/second date, the first date being the 16-hour plane ride from England to LA they spent together after getting seated next to each other. Buck had been hopeful, too optimistic. He had learned so much about Abby in such a short time and had felt connected to her instantly. The two of them talked so effortlessly about their lives, a level of trust cemented between them before they even got past introductions. Buck knew he shouldn’t have said it, if he had just played it cool for once in his life he might have been able to start something great with an amazing woman. Instead, he had jumped at the chance to make a fool of himself in front of a woman he had poured his heart out to in one simple sentence.
A simple gut reaction, the most whole and meaningful feeling Buck was created to express bleeding out with each word. It’s not his fault. He can’t help that he has so much love to give and no one to give it to, but it was his fault that he was foolish enough to think a beautiful older woman would want to start a life with him.
She had said she wanted kids. She wanted a husband, someone to call her best friend and life partner. He had taken those words and thought they applied to him, to the possibility of something great coming out of the longest yet shortest plane ride of his life. It was normal for Buck to strike up a conversation with whoever got seated next to him on a flight. With sixteen hours and a layover in Chicago ahead of him, he thought making a friend would be in his best interest. By the end of their journey neither wanted to part when the Captain announced they would soon be touching down in LA. Abby had been the one to suggest playing tour guide since Buck had never been to LA before.
They had gotten a cab from the airport together and headed to Abby’s apartment with the intention of just dropping off their luggage. Both of them had been exhausted and in need of a shower after such a long flight though. One thing had led to another and they had ended up in the shower together, which led to getting into bed together. After a night together and fifteen hours of much-needed sleep, thank you jet lag, they had gone for breakfast at Abby’s favorite diner and then headed to the pier, another of Abby’s favorite places.
He hadn’t thought it though, he had just seen that gorgeous smile on her face after he had won the strong man test and presented her with the four-foot-tall bear and it had been the only answer he wanted to give.
“What am I going to do with a giant stuffed bear, Buck?” Abby had laughed fondly, holding the bear with both arms as she shook her head in amusement.
“You can keep it and tell our kids I won it on our first date,” Buck had shrugged with a wide smile, Abby’s eyes softening with pity instead of the familiar fondest Buck had gotten used to far too quickly.
“Oh, Buck.”
She had let him down gently, kindly, telling him he didn’t want some old woman to start a family with. That they weren’t right for each other, she had thought this would just be a bit of fun, that he wasn’t looking for anything serious because of how much he moved around. Like she hadn’t heard a word he said on the plane about being wanted and having someone to come home to, to have a home to come home to.
He realized in that single Oh Buck that the romance he had built up in his head was nothing but a fantasy she had no trouble squashing like a bug under her heel.
She apologized for the misunderstanding. Handed back the bear with a pity-filled smile on her beautiful face. Told him she’d leave his stuff with the doorman, then left him standing on the crowded pier alone clutching the damn bear in a loose grip as he watched her walk away without even looking back.
Buck collapsed onto the nearest open bench, the bear falling from his hand, tilting to the left slightly as its fuzzy butt hit the old wooden planks making up the pier.
He’s bone-dead tired suddenly, his eyes stinging with frustrated tears, unspeakably angry with himself for once again letting his heart make decisions his brain should be making. This recurring problem is the reason he can’t find anyone to stay, to even consider him as anything more than an attractive man with no real depth to his emotions.
He’s always known he was unwanted, his parents made sure of that from a very young age and his sister set it in stone when she left him alone with them for a man Buck knew wasn’t good for her. He’s been on his own for years now, making a name for himself with the money he received in the settlement after he sued his parents when they tried to have his grandfather’s will changed in secret to exclude him from receiving rights to the family company. He had taken the settlement money to fund his escape from his family and then sold his rights to the company to the highest bidder before hopping on the first plane to Japan. He had used his newfound wealth to travel all over the world, donating anonymously to any organizations he found needed help before eventually starting his own.
Evan Buckley became a household name after Our World had skyrocketed to one of the best non-profit organizations on the planet.
He started introducing himself only as Buck to anyone who crossed his path, handing out money to anyone who would take it. Offering to become a silent investor to people who wanted to start their own business but wouldn’t take a handout. He never stayed in one place too long, couldn’t when people began associating him with handouts and large sums of money. He had learned that lesson the hard way after being mugged and beaten in Russia.
He had just made his way to England when his normal routine was put to a stop.
After the car accident that almost cost him his leg, he had a lot of time laid up in a hotel room in London with too much time to think and too much money piling up in his bank account. During the last stage of his recovery, an earthquake hit Los Angeles, devastating parts of the city in the disaster. Watching the destruction of such a historical city and so many innocent people's lives play out on the news he had decided then and there to come to LA to help the growing homeless population as soon as he was fully healed. After seeing the devastation the earthquake had caused, Buck knew he couldn’t keep avoiding America while people were suffering. He wanted to help so he put his problems aside and headed back to the States after seven years of constant traveling from place to place with plans to put roots down and make a real difference in the community.
His business partners and attorneys, not to mention his accountant and his financial advisor were all flying in to meet with him now that he was back in the country for the first time in years, with plans to stay. The hotel he was meant to have checked into was holding his reservation and the meeting room he had booked, but after today he wasn’t sure if he could stay in LA. That maybe coming back to the States hadn’t been the right call after all.
Now, now the city felt tainted to him like a bad omen he shouldn’t ignore.
Maybe he’d go to Hawaii. The homeless population was devastating there as well. It was also secluded, and beautiful. Most of his associates would probably love the change of location, better vacation spots on a tropical island after all.
“You look really sad. Are you okay?”
Buck lifted his head from where he had been staring at his hands. An adorable boy around eight or nine with curly blonde hair, a concerned frown, and blue crutches stood before him.
“Uh, yeah-yeah little man I’m good, uh—” Buck took a quick look around, trying to spot any frantic-looking parents, but didn’t see anyone who looked like they had misplaced their child. “That was nice of you to ask though, what’s your name?”
“Christopher Diaz. What’s yours?”
“It’s nice to meet you Christopher, my name’s Buck.”
“That’s not a name,” Christopher argued with a small wrinkle of his nose.
“Ha, yeah, it’s a nickname. I don’t like to go by my real name.” Buck explained with a shrug and a small smile, scanning the crowd behind Christopher again to see if he could spot his parents. “Who are you here with Chris?”
“My mom, she’s over there—” Christopher turns and points to a beautiful dark-haired woman near the ring toss game about 50 yards away, a phone held to her ear as she paced back and forth. “She’s on the phone with someone. She’s gonna divorce my dad.”
“Oh...I’m sorry to hear that Chris, that must be hard for you.” Buck offered awkwardly, feeling bad for the child who looked so defeated as he nodded his head in agreement.
“I just got her back...and she’s going to leave again. First Dad left and he was gone for so long...but he came back...but then Mom left, and now she's back again and she’s already trying to leave. Everyone always leaves me. Why do they do that?”
“Oh Chris," Buck breathed out, feeling his heart ache for this little boy. Wondering what kind of parents could leave their child, could let them feel unwanted and unloved.
Christopher and he seemed to be walking in a similar set of shoes.
"Hey little man, listen, if there’s anyone in this world who knows how you feel right now, it’s me.”
“Really?” Christopher asked, doubt coloring his voice.
“Yeah, so you can look at it this way, it’s like the universe wants us both to know we're not alone in that feeling.” Buck paused for a moment, the truth of his own words hitting him as he went on. “I’ve-I’ve been left behind my whole life. Pushed aside by people that should love me but don’t, but you wanna know something?”
“What?”
“It makes us kind. It makes us appreciate what we have now and what we can achieve. When I was your age I never thought I’d get where I am today. The future is something to look forward to, Chris, something you can design however you want. Like, what do you wanna be when you grow up?”
“An astronaut...or a firefighter like my dad.”
“See, those are great goals, kid.” Buck grinned, imagining Chris dressed in a spacesuit, surrounded by endless stars, exploring the unknowns of space. “I think you’d make an excellent astronaut, I bet you’re super smart huh?”
“You think I can be an astronaut? Really?” Christopher asked suspiciously, staring Buck down like he was waiting for a familiar lie to come out of Buck's mouth.
“Of course, you can be anything you want to be if you work hard enough,” Buck said sincerely, frowning in confusion at Christopher's next bitter words.
“My abuelos always say I have to know my limitations."
“What limitations?” Buck questioned with a frown, Christopher sat down next to Buck heavily with a glare shot at his legs.
“My CP.”
“Well, they're wrong,” Buck stated firmly, shaking his head at the boy’s assumption. “Your CP–it’s not a limitation, you just might need a few more tools and tricks because the rest of the world is thinking about the limitations they’ve created for you. You can walk on the moon even on crutches. Don’t let other people tell you what you can and can’t do, show them what you can and can’t do.”
“I like you,” Christopher stated with a happy smile, Buck sending one right back to the boy.
“I like you too Chris, you seem like a pretty awesome kid.”
"Does this mean we're friends now?" Christopher asked hopefully, a cheeky smile tugging on his lips.
"If you want, yeah man," Buck nodded with a soft laugh.
Friends.
Buck didn’t have many of those, it was hard to have friends when you didn’t have a home, and couldn’t stay in one place long enough to make a true meaningful connection with someone. He’s met so many people in the last decade but out of the thousands of faces, there were only a special few he truly missed. Being friends with Christopher seemed more of an honor than Buck thought he deserved.
“So, now that we’re friends...you can tell me why you’re sad.” Christopher nodded, earning another amused chuckle from the man.
“I met this woman,” Buck sighed, shaking his head sadly as he prepared himself to spill his guts to this little boy. “Got my hopes up too high and–it just feels like I’m not enough for anyone. That what I have to offer isn’t what anyone wants or is looking for. It’s like everyone is looking at me but no one is seeing me, you know?”
“Yeah, I know Buck,” Christopher sighed deeply and all too knowingly, patting Buck's hand in support, causing a flood of words to pour from Buck's mouth without his permission.
“And it’s like, what can I do? I can’t stop being me, I can’t stop feeling the way I feel. I can’t help that I give everything I have to anyone who’ll give me a smile and the time of day. I just-I want to love and be loved and have a family, something real and just for me. People I know will always be there for me like family is meant to be. Is that really too much to ask?”
“Maybe you just haven’t found the right people, Buck,”
“Must be,” Buck agreed quietly, wringing his hands together when Christopher retreated his own.
“You could always become a firefighter. My dad always says the 118 are family to us. They always have his back. They could have yours too.”
“I don’t know if I’d be any good at that, Chris,” Buck laughed gently, shaking his head at the thought.
Him, Evan Buckley, a firefighter–a hero –yeah right.
“I think you would,” Christopher shrugged. “What do you do now?”
“I’m a businessman. I travel a lot, discovering new places and people to invest in. To help. I just got into LA yesterday. I was going to look into getting a house of my own, stay in one place for once, but I don’t know if I really want to stay after today. Might keep running.” Buck admitted quietly, his eyes falling back onto his hands, wondering if he’ll ever be able to stop running from his past. The utterly lost little boy that he tried so hard to keep under wrap screamed inside his head. Crying as he drifted afloat on unchartered waters, alone and unwanted once again. He knew what rejection felt like, a too familiar hat by now, he knew he wasn’t worth anyone’s time, so why did Abby walking away leave him with this bone-deep emptiness inside?
“I wish I could run away sometimes, especially when we lived in Texas with my abuelos. They always treat me like a baby.” Christopher admitted, screwing up his face in distaste at the thought of his family.
“You probably have to deal with people like that a lot, don’t you?” Buck hummed in sympathy, not being able to imagine what Christopher had to put up with daily. If even his grandparents treated him like he was incapable, Buck didn’t even want to think what strangers were like.
“Even my dad does it sometimes, but I know he’s just worried about me. He always worries.” Christopher’s words were accompanied by a fond eye roll at the thought of his father.
“That’s a good thing, means he cares.” Buck nodded in approval, glancing over at Christopher’s mother who still hadn’t realized her son was nowhere in her sight. At least one of the boy’s parents seemed to care about their son.
“Is he at work right now?” Maybe it would be better to give Christopher’s father a call instead, he had a feeling his mother wouldn’t be getting off the phone anytime soon. He wasn’t one to judge usually, but Christopher had been with him for some time now and his mother hadn’t even noticed yet. Anything could have happened to Christopher if he hadn’t wandered over to Buck.
“Yeah, he works a lot,” Christopher sighed again, turning around in his seat to look out at the ocean. “Can you help me stand, please? I wanna look out.”
“Sure thing, little man,” Buck agreed easily, offering his hands in support as Christopher used them to get his feet up onto the bench, turning his back to the pier to look out at the roaring waves.
Buck kept a hand on Christopher’s back to support him, fisting the material of his shirt in his hand, checking again to see the boy’s mother with her back to them still completely engrossed in her phone call. He really should take Christopher back to her, but he also wanted to see how long it would take her to notice her distressed son hadn’t been by her side this whole time.
“What’s your mom’s name, Chris?”
“Shannon. My dad's name is Edmundo but he doesn’t like his name, like how you don’t like yours, so he goes by Eddie. When they fight Mom calls him Edmundo because she knows he doesn’t like it.”
“Do they fight a lot?” Buck asked casually, remembering the screams and curses that used to echo down the too-long hallways of his childhood home when his parents would fight with Maddie and what to do about her ‘Bright future that you are throwing away for some dirt poor boy only after our money!’
“They don’t love each other, so they fight,” Christopher whispered, his eyes locked on the water stretching for miles out in front of him.
Buck thought he looked too old for his age like life had weighed so heavily on him from the start that he never got the real sense of what being a child was. Another feeling Buck was all too familiar with, realizing how alone you truly are at a young age shaped everything around you.
“Listening to your parents fight is the worst, I’m sorry you have to hear it.”
“She’s leaving, so it will stop at least,” Christopher shrugged, his hands balled into tight fists and his lip trembling with silent rage.
“It’s okay to be upset with her, if you are that is,” Buck hesitated to say, not sure if it was his place but knowing Christopher needed to hear it from someone. It was okay to be upset with your parents, it was okay not to feel okay and he thought Christopher needed to hear that.
“It is?”
“Yeah Chris, you’re allowed to express your emotions. If you’re upset it’s okay to be, man, you have every right to be.” More than every right from the sound of it. Every easily offered yet heartbreaking sentence Christopher spoke felt like a knife being delicately skewered into Buck’s heart. Abandoned by both parents and on his second round with his mother, limited by the world and his own family. Alone and hurting with no one to hold him through the worst of it.
“I wished for her to come back for Christmas and she did.” Tears were prickling in Christopher’s eyes and Buck felt an overpowering sense of heartache for this boy, wanting nothing more than to hold him close and reassure him that everything would be okay. “But she’s leaving again, now I wish she’d never come back.”
“If that’s how you feel about her, that's valid Chris, she’s hurting you.” Buck comforted, proud of this kid for being honest with himself.
“Do you like your parents Buck?” Christopher questioned suddenly, looking away from the water to meet Buck’s haunted eyes.
“Uh-we had a falling out when I was 17,” Buck informed him quietly, his parent’s cruel voices echoing in his mind like they always seem to love doing. “I haven't seen them since I left home.”
“How old are you now?”
“I’ll be 25 pretty soon,”
“Do you have other family?” The question felt like Christopher had unintentionally dug his fingers into an open wound. He did have other family. He had a beautiful, smart, loving sister who he had no contact with. And not by any choice of his.
“I have a sister, but we haven’t seen each other in years. I haven’t heard from her in a while, I—I’m alone. Always have been really.” Buck admitted, his voice wavering slightly at the admission.
He hadn’t spoken to Maddie in almost five years, he still sent her postcards, but he wasn’t even sure if she was receiving them, if she still worked at the same hospital or not.
His whole family were strangers to him.
“Not anymore,” Christopher declared firmly, turning to face Buck with a determined nod of his head. “We're gonna be best friends. Then we both can’t be alone anymore, and we’ll always want to stay because we know what it’s like to have people who leave.”
“You want to be best friends?” Buck couldn't help but feel flattered that such an incredible boy wanted to be his best friend. He's never had a best friend before.
“Yeah, don’t you?”
“I’d love that,” Buck was quick to reassure, glancing again over to Shannon who still had her back to them. “But um-I don’t know how your parents would feel about that, little man.”
“I don’t care, you’re my best friend now.”
“Alright, I think I can deal with that,” Buck chuckled, sighing to himself as he thought about how well this next conversation with Christopher’s mother was going to go.
Hopefully, she didn’t accuse him of anything, honestly, she should be thankful Buck was the stranger he approached instead of some creep. At least Buck had the decency to look after this kid when his own mother wasn’t putting in the effort she should be. Buck can’t blame Christopher for wishing she never came back. He can’t imagine the hurt in that little boy’s heart, thinking his mother didn’t want to be in his life anymore after only just getting her back.
He knew if he had a kid or if Christopher was his he would do anything and everything to make sure he was taken care of. Buck would never understand how people could so carelessly treat their children. It sickened him.
“Buck,” Christopher spoke up, his wide eyes never leaving the retreating ocean. “Where’s the water going?”