Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Well… Fork.”

At least the planet that fucking Cavern of Corrosion was spitting me out onto to die was pretty.  The Voidranger had kicked my metal ass through it at the first opportunity. Now, I was staring up at the open sky where the cavern rift had been.  The altimeter in my brain counted down far too quickly for my…

X:\CYBRNETICSYSTM \BOOTUP

X:\ RUNSTARTUP\BTHLL.os

Startup successful

Running Diagnostics

All Major Systems functional at minimum levels

Biolink: 100%

CVpump: 100%

CVsystems: 80% - leak in Bilateral Femoral regions, leak in Bilateral Brachial Regions

Cooling Systems: 90% - potential clog

‘No shit. I’m on my back, slammed into the ground. If they aren’t clogged with rocks and shit it’d be a fucking miracle.’

Structural system: 75% - 4 spinal bodies damaged, Thoracic chassis integrity 50% reduced, Left Clavicular Strut Damaged

Main Processing Unit: Intact, 95% functional in safe mode

‘Good to know my brain is still all inside my head…’

Somatic Sensor Array: 100%

Tactile Input Sensor Array: 100%

Olfactory Input Array: 100%

‘I agree, I hurt EVERYWHERE and can smell my synthetic blood leaking outta my arms.’

Proprioceptive Sensor Array: 90% - May effect accuracy and efficiency of movement.

‘My WHAT? Oh for Fuck sake, you mean my aim is fucked… motherfucker. How the fuck am I gonna fix this bullshit?’

Auditory Input Array: Rebooting

My ears began ringing, loudly. ‘Sonofabitch!’

Ocular Input Array: Rebooting

‘Finally.’ I blinked, the shutters in my eyes dilated and contracted as they attempted to focus. Slowly above me I could make out two faces. One a young blond fella and the other… was small and wouldn’t fuckin’ hold still.

“Do you think they can hear Paimon? He seems to be staring at me…”

“I don’t know, but I think he might be coming ‘round.” The young fella spoke meanin’ the high voice was the floaty thing…

Auditory Input Array:100%

Ocular Input Array: 100%

Motor Neural Array: 80% - Systemic damage to posterior units, system operable

Vocal Array: 100%

‘Good. That would be a bitch to live without.’

I slowly groan, the first audible noise I’ve made in some time. I can feel my cooling fans trying to spin and dislodge the shit packed into them. “Mother- Ffffff” My voice distorts and crackles.

Synestia Beacon: 89%. Vocabulary Censored.

‘Sonofabitch motherfucking horseshit!!’

“Muddle-fudger.” I finally groaned, pushing myself up to a sitting position, holding my head. Yup, those somatic sensors are definitely fucking working. I have a bitch of a headache.

All systems active. Damage report: Moderate damage due to a fall from a height of: 400m

For your safety; Please refrain from risky activities at great heights.

‘Again, no shit.’ I shake my head, tryin’ to clear the cobwebs. The squeaky thing speaks again.

“Muddle-fudger?” she pauses then, “Hey Mister. Are you okay?”

“Do I look Forkin’ okay to you?” I growl, taking another shuttering breath. The fans slowly kick out the shit packed into them, my ears stop ringing and I look up at the strangers. The floaty thing had dipped behind the blond. “Sorry. My fudgin’ head is pounding.”

“Oh. Paimon just noticed you’re bleeding and… what are you doing?”

As the Floaty girl spoke I had shoved my hand into my chest cavity to try and bend my Clavicular Strut back into shape. “Fixin’ a forked strut.” I groaned as the metal shifted back into place. “There. I fudgin’ hope that sonofa nice lady stays in place till I can get it welded. Nd maybe find someone who can fix my thoracic chassis.” I put my hand on the back of my leg and notice how bad the leaking actually is. “Eighty percent my biscuits. Stranger, you got any bandages by chance?”

The blond fella knelt down next to me and pulled some out. “Here. Can I give you a hand, uhh…”

“Boothill. Name’s Boothill. And you are?”

“My name is Aether, though lots of people also call me The Traveler.”

“And Paimon is Paimon!”

“And my emergency food supply.” Aether chuckled.

“Paimon is not FOOD!”

I grin at Paimon showing off my sharpened teeth. She squeals and dives behind Aether, who also looks a bit startled. I laugh after a moment when she pokes her tiny head back over his shoulder. “I won’t eat ya. Ya probably taste weird. Ain’t ever eaten anything that floats in the air.”

Paimon glared at him skeptically. “I don’t know…”

“Honest. On my honor I won’t eat you. A cowboy’s only ever as good as his word. Besides, you shouldn’t go bitin’ the people helpin’ ya, Paimon. Tends to make folk a lot less friendly.” I smile at her, trying to not to spook her again.

“Well, you better not.” Paimon said indignantly. “Or you won’t like it.”

Aether handed me a bandage as he bound my left leg. I started on the right one. He looked questioningly at his hands as he tightened the bandage. “Your blood is… strange.”

I nodded. “Yeah. It’s… synthetic. I don’t really have the same systems as everyone else does. And I ain’t even the weirdest muddle-fudger out there.” I watch him for a moment. “Thanks, by the way. I might not be the best spoken forker, but, you’re both being mighty friendly to a stranger who you don’t know from an Aeon.”

“That’s just what we do!” Paimon chirped brightly.

Aether laughed. “We do just tend to help anyone who seems to need it. Generally, it results in us finding new friends wherever we go.”

“Speakin’ of goin’. Where in the Samhill am I?”

Aether looked confused for a moment before the thoughts clicked together. “You fell from that strange portal.”

“Yeah. How the fork do you think I ended up in this fudging crater?” I looked at him as he started binding my right arm. The bandage on my left one would need to be tightened when he finished.

“Well, how would we know that was you? We were just coming over that ridge when we saw you falling.” Paimon stated. Aether gave an agreeing grunt.

“Fair enough. I’m just tryin’ to get my bearings so I can figure out how I’m getting’ back to Penacony.” Aether tightens the last bandage for me and I push myself outta the dirt. Still no grave for ole Boothill yet. “I still have work to do there.”

My two… rescuers, looked at each other. Paimon spoke.

“We don’t know were that is. And we’ve been all over Teyvat.”

Aboard the One and Only

Argenti, Knight of Beauty, lay in his bunk, fitfully asleep. Red hair fanned out across the pillows, enough, always, for two. He never knew when his path and that of his beloved Ranger would chance to cross and he never liked making either of them pay for lodgings.

It had been a week since he had rounded a corner, fighting Voidrangers, and he heard the most distinct voice he knew. The number of times he had heard those exact words spoken with a smirk before he had been brought to utter bliss amongst these sheets was uncountable by either Idrila's or Lan’s blessings. However, when he saw no Galaxy Ranger and a Cavern of Corrosion gate close he felt his stomach drop. For a moment, he was sure his beloved’s Lan had blessed him as he tore the Voidranger asunder with his spear. Though, he knew not if the creature had sent his beloved through that portal. There was always a chance the slippery Galaxy Ranger had managed an escape. But then, why hadn’t he…

Chapter Text

Teyvat… why was that name… The Garden of Recollection. I’d seen that name while hunting for the info on that bastard Oswaldo. I was maybe a star system over from Aeragan-Epharshel… from home. The IPC had labeled this planet Teyvat-1. They knew about it but, clearly, hadn’t come snooping around, yet.

“Teyvat-1...” I muttered aloud. “Son of a Bench. ‘Course it had to be some place with no spaceports. Dagnabbit, how the fudge am I gonna get back to huntin that son of a nice lady from here! And where is my forkin’ hat!”

Paimon floated up a bit higher. “I don’t see a hat anywhere. Paimon is sorry that we can’t be of more help.” Her sad little voice tugged at old memories.

I let my shoulders fall a little. “I’m sorry for gettin’ riled little Darlin’. I’m just… I’m forkin’ ticked off. Not at you or Aether. You two are too forkin’ kind and I’ve known you for less than a cycle.”

“I understand. And we don’t hold that against you Boothill. We just tend to find people who need our help.” Aether dusted off his knees. I could see the blue stains of my blood on his white clothes. In different places I noticed a strange bright green light emanating from his outfit.

“So if you can’t get back to Penacony where are you gonna go?” Paimon asked innocently. I shrugged. I have no fucking idea where to even start now. By Lan’s Arrow I wished I had a fucking answer for them.

“Well, we were heading to Inazuma City.” Paimon smiled.

“You can join us if you’d like Boothill.” Aether finished.

“It’s not like I have anywhere else to fudgin’ be.” I shrugged. “At least I can try to help while I’m here.” I started walking along side the young man. They seemed to know exactly where they were heading. The two of them had that comfortable silence between them that spoke to how fuckin’ long they must have known each other.

To say I felt like a fuckin third wheel was fucking undersellin’ it by a country mile. Still, this was where the path had taken me. Better to play the hand dealt than just be a little bitch about it. As we walked I checked my six-shooter, blowin’ dirt outta the barrel. Thankfully that had taken significantly less damage than me. As I was checkin’ down one of the revolvers chambers I heard other people talking, loudly.

“Haha! Check it out Shinobu. I’m cooler than ever now.” A loud mouthed sonofabitch bragged. Ahead of us I could see some bastard in a fucked up outfit wearin’ my goddammed hat!

“Boss… where did you find that?” A woman, probably the Shinobu the asshole had boasted at, spoke calmly.

Paimon perked up next to me, as did Aether. “It’s Shinobu and Bull-chucker!” She exclaimed, excitedly. Great. More fuckers I didn’t know.

“He has my hat.” I growled slightly. “Forker.”

Aether laughed. “Come on Boothill. Itto will give it back. I promise.”

Grumbling, I followed the pair up the hill toward the other two people. The loud asshole turned as we closed in.

“HEY! Traveller! Floating Lavender Melon!” Well, at least he seemed to be a friendly sonofabitch. Though the red paint and horns threw me for a fuckin’ loop. My sensors told that this bastard wasn’t human either, his small green haired companion was though.

“Floatin… what? What the fudge?” I shook my head as I climbed the hill.

“And you guys found someone new to travel with! Awesome!” The non-human laughed as I got closer. His red eyes locked on me.

“You have my forkin’ hat. And it’s backwards.” I lock eyes with him. I can tell this asshole is used to people scampering if he gets loud.

The woman spoke up next to him. “See, I told you boss.” She looked at me, her mask hiding the lower half of her face. That didn’t make me wanna trust the bitch. “Are you the person we saw falling from the sky?”

“Yup!” Paimon answered before I’d even had a chance to open my fucking mouth. “He’s taken a fair bit of damage too.”

“We were surprised he was even alive.” Aether added, smiling.

I laughed. “I don’t know if alive is the right forkin’ word for whatever the shirt I am, but I guess it works.”

The horned bastard looked me up and down. “You talk funny, new guy. How can you be so sure this is your hat? I just found it on the ground.”

“I think, I’d recognize my…” I growled knowing what that damned beacon would change shit too. “My things when I see them. Now, hand it the fork over or we’re gonna have a problem you son of a nice lady.”

He laughed. Fucking beacon. Then he handed me the hat. “We’re all good New Guy. It’s a really cool hat.”

Without a word I jammed the damn thing back on my head. The next time I see the doc I’m makin’ her secure it there.

“Dang. You’re kinda grumpy.” The horned guy remarked.

“And you’re getting’ on my nerves pretty quick, Applesauce.” ‘Applesauce, really! Fucking hell…’

The woman snickered and Paimon giggled. “Now Bullchucker is also food!” Aether just facepalmed at them. At least he seemed to understand some of my annoyance.

“I am not Paimon, and you know it. No one could eat the mighty Oni Itto! I’m too tough. I’d break their teeth!”

It was too fuckin’ easy. I grinned at him. “Are you sure ‘bout that, shirtbag?”

“Shirtbag… wait, did you mean shitbag?” The “mighty Oni” glared slightly.

“It ain’t my fault I can’t fudgin’ swear right anymore.” I growled. Taking a step closer to the fucker. “You wanna make something of it you son of a bench?”

“What, you wanna go?” Itto snarled back before we both felt a small hand on our chests.

“Boss. Back down. If this guy fell from the sort of height you claimed, he’s probably having a shitty day.”

“Or he’s an Asshole. He just called my mother a bench. How would he know anything about her?”

Shinobu shook her head. “It’s a euphemism boss. And you don’t even know your mother anyway.”

That hit home, and not just for him.

“Still. That’s not a nice thing to say.”

“And he knows that. So just calm down boss.”

Aether piped up. “He’s not even from this world Itto. He’s stuck here for the foreseeable future, away from anyone or anything familiar. So, maybe cut him some slack.”

“Only if he apologizes for calling my mother a bench.” He put his hands on his hips and turned his face up and away from me.

“Fine.” I relented after a moment. “I should called you a son of a nice lady, instead. Though, I don’t exactly have control over what the flippin’ beacon chooses when it censors my cussin.”

Itto turned back and looked at me like a confused pup. “Beacon?”

“Please don’t make me try to forkin’ explain this right now… Just… I have a thing in my head that makes it so I understand every mother’s-son I talk to. And it’s busted… kinda.”

“And that’s why you swear funny.” Paimon looked at me expectantly.

“Yeah. Now, are we gonna forkin’ head to this city or what. I’d really like to get my leaking dealt with.”

“Leaking?” Itto again took on the same puppy look.

“He’s bleeding.” Paimon stated plainly. “Aether helped him bandage himself up.”

“I’m not sure how much anyone here will be able to help him though.” Aether said solemnly. “He… well…”

“I told ya. I’m not sure ‘Alive’ is the right word for a forkin’ hunk a scrap iron like me.” I filled in the blank. “I ain’t that forkin’ easy to offend.”

“Coulda fooled me.” Itto chimed in.

“Next time, don’t steal my hat.”

“Boys!” Shinobu snapped, spookin’ the shit outta me and Itto. “Knock it off. We were also heading to Inazuma City. The boss has to pay a couple people for the food we were distributing. As for healing.” She turned and looked up into my eyes without hesitation. “Does healing magic work on you?”

“You mean, the blessin of Abundance? Yeah. Sure as shirt it does. Except for my forkin’ beacon. That just doesn’t seem to wanna fudgin’ fix.”

“Abundance? What? “ she put her hand to her head. “Nevermind. I can ask that later. Here.” She placed her hand on the bandage on my left arm. I felt the tingle of her abilities. I also felt my battery pick up a small amount of charge, which was fuckin’ weird. “What the fudge?”

“I have an electro vision. If you’re running off of electricity, it would make sense you would likely pull some as I healed you. I could feel it, in case you’re wondering.” Shinobu stated simply, like she was explainin’ that water was fuckin’ wet.

“Huh. Some people I’ve met could do that too. Make lightin’ without a battery. Not me mind. I’m more a… physical fighter than a magic one.” I looked at the little lady. She was an interesting one.

“That’s kinda like Aether! He can switch from one element to another, and doesn’t have a vision!”  How they put up with this man’s unending energy I don’t understand.  “He’s the only one.”

“We don’t have these vision things out in the wider universe. Some people are just able to use an element. Some can’t.” I shrugged. Then pushed down on my broken strut, pushing it back into its fucking spot. “Would you mind closin’ the rest of ‘em, Darlin’? It’d be real appreciated.”

“Sure. Though, I’d recommend we find a better healer in the City. It’s a few days walk and on another island though.” Shinobu said, as she placed her hand on my leg. She didn’t seem at all freaked out by my bein’ metal. I got the feelin’ she didn’t much care what I was. Just as long as I stopped winding her boss up. “The Archon lives there, as well as being the centre of business in Inazuma.” She moved to the other side. Each touch as she yammered on about the city added a small charge to my battery. Which was fuckin’ great seein as I got the feeling I wasn’t about to find a 400V 60 amp charger just layin’ round here. Apparently though, from all the chin-waggin’ the little lady did, I had gotten fuckin’ luck as this whole area was governed by electricity people.

“I’m a geo user!” Itto bragged when Shinobu finished patchin’ me up. “I have the strength of the earth in me. And I’m an Oni! The only Oni who has gotten a vision. Ever.”

“Currently, I’m using Dendro.” Aether stated, gesturing to the green glow. “But like they said. I can change it depending where I am.”

“Huh. Well, that’s very different.” I had no clue how to proceed. I was so far outta my fuckin’ depth I felt like I was drownin’ again.

“Paimon has seen lots of amazing fighters who don’t need visions. Bullchucker is even one. If he didn’t have his vision, he’d still be scary strong.”

“That’s right New Guy. Visions aren’t the only way to be awesome!” I suddenly had a thick arm wrapped around my shoulders, squeezing. It couldn’t ‘ave been very comfortable. Yet he didn’t seem bothered. “Hey, you’re a lot tougher than you look. Most people can’t take a full Oni crush!”

I had to push down on that damned strut again. That was gonna need more than a little repair work at this point. “I’m made of metal. I’d better be tougher than average or I forkin’ made a silly choice.”

The oni stared. “You chose this? Awesome!” Why did I tell him that… “Did it hurt? Can you feel things? Do you eat?”

“BOSS!” Shinobu deserves this world’s greatest honour for dealing with this idiot.

“What? I wanna know more about him. It’s not every day you meet someone who got themselves turned into a metal man!”

The little lady turned and looked up at me. “Please forgive my boss, again. He forgets that sometimes you should start with the basics… such as your name, sir.”

“Name’s Boothill darlin’. I do believe you would be Miss Shinobu.”

“That would be correct, Mister Boothill.”

“Awk. Don’t go callin’ me Mister like I’m some important forker. Just Boothill is fine Miss Shinobu.”

“Oh yeah, I guess we did forget to introduce ourselves.” Itto nodded then stood up tall and proud. “I am the One and Oni, Arataki Itto! Head of the Arataki Gang!”

I smirked, offering my hand. “Galaxy Ranger Boothill. Thank you for finding my hat. I felt awful naked without it.”

Itto dramatically took my hand. If I wasn’t, me, it would have fucking crushed my hand. He then slapped my back. “Good to meet ya, Boots!”

“Boots… What the fork Itto? Really?” I rolled my eyes. “Awe dagnabbit, whatever. Not like I have many nicknames out there anyway.”

“That’s the spirit!”

“Yeah, the forkin’ spirit alright.” I sighed. “So, are we gonna just stand around yappin’ all day or are we gonna get movin’ already?”

Chapter Text

“Why are you so gung-ho to get moving all of a sudden?” Paimon asked confused.

“Didn’t Miss Shinobu just say the city was over a day’s travel and on a different Forkin’ island? Maybe, if I’m ever hopin’ to get home, we oughta get movin instead of wastin’ daylight.” I could already feel how long the day was dragging on. I just wanted to fucking do… something.

“Boots, breathe. Like you just said. You have no where to be…”

“And several dang broken ribs I’d like to get forkin’ looked at. Just ‘cause I don’t feel pain the same way don’t mean they’re comfortable, dang it.”

“Eeek! Hilichurls!”  Paimon shrieked before darting about Aether’s head. My companions suddenly drew their weapons and Miss Shinobu quickly cast some kinda electroshield around me. I could feel it charging my batteries and making the pain in my body lessen. Looking in the direction Paimon was indicating, a group of strange creatures was approaching us from, what my sensors labelled as east. They were fucking weird looking, but not like anything I’d ever seen in a Fragmentum or when fightin’ The Anti-matter Legion or even the IPC fuckers. By the way my companions were readying themselves, I knew they had to be fucking trouble.

“Hey Boots, don’t get hurt. I’d hate to see ya dead on our first encounter.”

“Don’t forkin’ plan on dyin’ just yet, Applesauce.” I grinned pullin’ my six-shooter and chargin’ in like the others.

Aether and Miss Shinobu both fought tooth and nail with blades and their elemental powers. Lightning and fuckin’ plants! Never woulda guessed that one. Itto began swinging a club as fuckin’ be as he is and literally threw one of the vermin over his shoulder with a laugh.

I was fuckin’ grateful that it wasn’t my legs that were busted. Once in the fray my spurs were doing almost as much as my bullets. Leapin’ and duckin’ and cussin’ as we brought the horde down. The hili-things fought viciously, so I didn’t feel bad bringin’ ‘em down.

With four of us, it didn’t take long to end things. Itto walked over, grinning from ear to ear, even as his was catching his breath. “Hey! You’re a real kick-ass fighter! Literally!”

I chuckled. Just as I was gonna give him a reply, I spotted something comin’ up behind him. Before he could register I was movin’ I backed up a few paces. Then I launched forward. Jumpin’ I pushed off of Aether’s shoulder then Itto’s head as I flipped. I emptied my gun into its massive head as I cleared over the monster. Landing behind it as it fell, I blew the smoke from the barrel.

“THAT WAS FUCKIN’ COOL!” Itto shouted as he ran around the beast.

I chuckled. “Yeah… that was some pretty fine fun right there.” I could hold back a grin. “The fudge are these things?”

“No one’s really knows. They’re endemic to all of Teyvat and tend to be quite the menace. Attacking travellers, stealing food…” Miss Shinobu began

Aether then gave her a funny look but chose to say nothing.

“Yeah. They’re mostly just good for fighting and showing off your skills! I’ve never had anyone do a flip over my head. That was INCREDIBLE Boots!”

I looked away from Aether and smirked. “Thank you kindly, Itto. That’s my favourite part of bein’ a gunslinger. Grace and speed. Fudge, I’d hate to be the muddle-fudger who tries to run from us.”

“Great. Now there’s two of them.” I heard Miss Shinobu mutterin’ behind me.

“Absolutely! You know what? I’m making you a member of the Arataki gang! From now on, You’re my brother!” The big Oni slapped me on the back.

“Well, fudge me sideways. That feels like a mighty big complement to give some forker you just met, Applesauce.”

He wrapped his thick arm around my shoulders and squeezed me again. This time we both heard a fuckin crunch.

Structural integrity: 73% Left Clavicular Strut fractured. Please seek maintenance at you earliest convenience.

“Muddle-fudger.” I groaned. The ox pulled back real quick.

“I broke something, didn’t I?”

“Eh. Nothing that wasn’t breakin’ anyway. It ain’t my shootin’ arm or I’d be real forkin’ mad.”

He slapped my back again. “Well, let me help you get whatever I broke fixed Boots! You’re a member of the Arataki Gang now!”

“Boss, we don’t have the money too.”

Aether chuckled. “Don’t worry Shinobu. We won’t make this any more difficult than it needs to be.”

“Thank you, Aether. It is appreciated.”

Soon enough we got our asses back in gear. The rest of my posse went back to yammerin’ on about local shit. How the area was fairin, some shit about the political finaglin’ goin’ on… not really anythin’ catchin’ my ear. I quietly emptied the spent cartridges from my pistol into my hand, then popped a couple in my trap.

“What are you eating? And do you have enough for Paimon to have some?”

“What, you wanna try eatin’ one a these?” I hold out my hand, offerin’ the cartridges “If you can hack it, well, be my guest little darlin’.”

“You’re eating your bullets?!” The little thing shouted in shock. “Ummm… Paimon doesn’t want any.”

“Awe, you’re really missin’ out Li’l Darlin. 9mm with a phosphorus tracer, a true classic. Got a real kick too ‘em too.” I smirked watchin’ her face as I popped another casing.

“Ah hell, let me try one then. I’m not some punk like Floating Lavender Melon.” Itto puffed his painted chest out like a rooster.

“Alright Applesauce, but they ain’t for eve’ybody.” I held them out as we walked, still chewin’ the last one.

“Paimon doesn’t think Bull-chucker should eat them.”

He took one and I looked at Miss Shinobu and Aether as he tossed it in his mouth and started to try and chew it. I’m pretty sure they were both gonna have a fuckin’ stroke.

“How do you eat these?!” Itto finally gave up after a moment, pullin’ the deformed chunk a metal from his mouth.

“My teeth ain’t teeth. They’re augmented.” I tried to shrug then winced.

Miss Shinobu spoke up. “We should think about setting up camp for the night. Aether, could you and Boothill gather firewood and any edibles you can find while Itto and I set up camp.”

Chapter Text

“Sweetflower. It can be used like sugar in a dish.” Aether held up a pretty, little yellow flower for me to examine. Miss Shinobu understood what she was doin’. Send the greenhorn out with the expert to learn the road. I had about fifteen new plants logged and had a feelin’ I’d be pretty self sufficient within a few days.

“Are you doing alright Boothill?”

“I’m fine Aether. I get a bit testy when the battery’s low and well, my body’s not exactly fully functional. That strut broke for one.” I stated flatly. Aether nodded.

“I just wanted to be sure. I know Itto can be a lot to handle, especially if you’ve been having a hard day.” He picked up a few more branches. “He’s not always had a great go of things with adults but he wants people around him to be happy.”

“People are the same no matter where ya go. If yer a little bit different from what they see as normal…”

Aether nodded again. “But I have always found that people who are different are the ones worth knowing.”

“I hear that all the time.” I picked up another branch. “You think we got enough or do I need to keep the fire up all night?”

“This should be enough. You don’t need to stay up all night. We can take turns on watch Boothill.”

“I don’t actually need to sleep.”

Aether shrugged. “I’m just saying. Other than Paimon, we’re all capable of a watch.”

“Yeah, Paimon is too sleepy for a watch.” The tiny darlin added. I smiled up at her.

“Well, don’t you worry your pretty, little head darlin’. Ole Boothill’s got it taken care of.”

Paimon flew down into my face. “Why do you keep calling me Darlin’? You called Shinobu Darlin’ too.”

I chuckled. “It’s just an old habit, callin’ an actually nice lady, Darlin’ is how I tell her that I’m glad she’s not runnin’ for the hills. It’s friendly, nothin’ more.”

“She’s been asking me that all afternoon.” Aether chuckled. “See. I told you.”

“But you also sometimes say “Son of a nice lady” and I know you mean something meaner.”

“Well yeah.” I chuckle again, picking a mint plant and adding it to Aether’s collection. “I can’t make the beacon say what I want or even something more literal, like son of a dog. So I just deal with whatever the fudge I get.”

“That’s what you meant when you… you’re lucky it didn’t let you swear. Itto would have been even more unhappy about that.” Aether patted my arm.

“I figured. I get the feelin’ he and I are cut from the same cloth. I figure I could take him if I needed to though.”

“Only because you could shoot him.” Paimon pouted.

“Yeah. But what would be the fun in that.”

“Not much, if you asked him. Unless he challenged you to shoot him while he tried to dodge around the bullets.”

“He wouldn’t… actually, he would. Fudgin’ lunatic.” I shook my head.

As we headed back to camp, I noticed that Miss Shinobu and Itto had finished setting up. There were four tents and sleeping rolls in each. They just set up a space for me even if I didn’t need it. It was a nice feelin’ to realize that they were that kinda good folks. Just wantin’ to make me feel welcome.

“Thank you both for gathering firewood, Aether, you didn’t find any sweetflower did you?”

‘Yes we did. Five good ones, actually. And Boothill found a bunch of Mint and a couple lavender melons.”

“And now he gets why bull-chucker calls Paimon Floating Lavender Melon.”

“Both are small and sweet! She’s the best little buddy a traveller could ask for.” Itto beamed at me. I nodded as he took the wood from me.

“Thank ya for settin’ me up a tent. I don’t really need it but it’s greatly appreciated.” I sat on the ground next to where the fire would be. “I can help get that lit if you want.”

“Sure. I thought you said you didn’t have elemental power though?”

I laughed. “I have a pistol. I can use the spark from my gun. It’s a bit easier that a flint and steel. I really don’t have any special powers other than lightning reflexes and bein a crack shot.”

“And a rocking metal body.” Itto grinned. “I mean how else could you have pulled off the Super Incredible Flying Cannon Attack.”

Shinobu whinced. “You spent all afternoon thinking about it and that’s what you came up with?”

“Pretty awesome right?”

“Actually…” Paimon cringed.

“It doesn’t feel quite right.” Aether finished Paimon’s sentence. They were right. It was too much. And considering, I’d probably try and pull that shit again. It needed a better name.

“How about the “One and Oni Trick Shot.” Taki?” I smiled as I reached over and lit the fire. Though sayin’ the name brought another thought to my mind. I pushed it down. I’d check once on watch, when everyone would be asleep.

“I LOVE IT!” Itto exclaimed. “It’s perfect. Easy to say, makes it clear who is needed to pull it off AND is clearly not something just anyone can do!”

“Well, thanks. Fudge you get excited over everything.” I couldn’t help but laugh. This man…

“That’s because everything is worth feeling to it’s fullest! Even the bad things.” The oni beamed. “It’s everything that makes life worth living!”

“You don’t happen to have any fowl on you Aether?” Miss Shinobu asked suddenly.

“No. I used the last of what I had for breakfast this morning. Sorry Shinobu.”

“Fowl, as in bird meat?”

“Yeah. I was going to make a couple rounds of Sweet Madame but I don’t have quite enough.”

“Gimme twenty minutes and I’ll see what I can russle up.” I stood, smiling at her.

“You don’t need to do that Boothill.” She put her hands on her hips.

“Think nothin’ of it, Miss Shinobu. I hate not pullin’ my weight.” I started to walk away.

“Thanks.” She called then quieter, I suspect she assumed I wouldn’t hear her. “He’s an odd one. He’s done nothing but try to help and be a bit melancholic.”

“I think he probably deals with a lot of shit wherever he’s from.” Aether added softly.

“Ole Boots has been through something, I think. Whatever it is I’ll find it out!”

“Paimon isn’t sure that’s a great idea Itto. If he’s hurting maybe he doesn’t want to share.”

I was still in ear shot of them when I spotted a good lookin’ fat bird. I lifted my hand, and before the bird could react to the shot it fell dead.

I returned a moment later, setting the bird next to the fire.

“That was fast.” Miss Shinobu blinked as I popped the cartridge in my mouth. “Don’t spoil your appetite.”

I laughed. “I only kinda eat ‘em. I’ll still be able to eat whatever the fudge you’re cookin that smells so dang good.”

“Kinda eat them?” Itto looked at me like I’d grown another head. I sat between him and Aether and did my best with drawing in the dirt to explain how my bullet recycler worked. Miss Shinobu had finished cooking the four delicious looking birds.

“But they taste good.”

“Heaven’s yeah. It woulda been pointless to put the system in and not make it rewardin’ to actually use it. And that smells forkin’ heavenly, Miss Shinobu.”

“I hope it tastes just as good. Whatever you don’t finish I’m sure Paimon or Itto will finish.”

“I’ll give you the recipe if you like it. It uses the sweetflowers we found.” Aether said, carefully removing the leg of the bird he and Shinobu shared.

“I’m sure I’ll want it.” I pulled a leg off and took a bite. “Yup. I will be takin’ that forkin recipe. That’s fudging delicious.”

The three of them went back to their conversations from earlier as we ate. Occasionally they’d ask my thoughts on some shit or another.

“Well, the Path of Preservation would have been very much in line with what was happenin’ here. However, I think people should get to live and experience more than one thing in life.” I commented as I finished what I could of the bird. Aether had been understanding when I told him to just tell me how to make it instead of writin’ it down. “From what I’ve seen, people live best when they’re free.”

“I agree! Feel everything to the fullest, live free, and help those you can! Yup! Best kinda living!” Itto leaned back and stared up at the emerging stars. “Hey Boots. Which of those stars did you come from?”

I looked up. My sensors calibrated and names popped up around many of the stars I had visited. I had more choice than I knew what to do with. Then one pinprick caught my attention. It was labeled Aeragan-Epharshel. I think they saw my eyes shift. I didn’t care. There it was, right there. Probably the next fuckin planet over.

“I… That one.” I pointed at it. “But that was a lifetime ago. As for where I fell from, you don’t get any light from it here I don’t think. I’m gonna get settled into my watch it y’all wanna settle in. If you would be kind enough to leave some stuff for breakfast out, I’ll make sure it’s ready when everyone gets up.” I got up and walked away before they could push.

“Boots! BOOTS!” Itto got up and followed me. “I’m sorry if I keep poking at things. I just wanna get to know you.”

“It’s not your fault you Applesauce, Taki. Maybe I will tell ya the tragedies that are behind me but right now, I…”

“You need room to let things breathe.” Aether said, having moved over as well. “Come on Itto.”

“Boots, whatever you’re feeling, feel it. No one here will judge if we find you cryin’ in your tent.”

“I ain’t no little bench.” I snapped, then sighed. “I’d just like to be with m’self right now. I’ll make sure, if I’m gonna be gone by sunrise, I’ll leave a message.”

“Alright. Try to rest at some point Boothill. Even if you don’t heal, you probably need it.” Aether was gentle. Itto gave me a full fucking bear hug. This ridiculous Oni.

“Fudge it.” I hugged him back as best I could with my busted shoulder. “I’ll be right as rain in the mornin’, Taki. My body ain’t the only part that’s durable.”

“You better Boots! I’d hate to lose my new best friend.” He said as he and Aether walked away.

I stared back up at the stars, circling the camp quietly. I watched as the fire died down and my posse found their rest. Once I was completely alone I sat on the little hill behind our camp and stared at my old home. It had been years since I had last been back. I had come and gone from that poor planet when I had first started digging for that bastard Oswaldo Schneider. Though, I had quickly found that information had a limit, and so did I.

 Alone, in the dark quiet of the night, I could hear the screaming of the dyin’ and the utter silence of the dead. Could smell the stink of burnin’ bodies. Feel the ash on my hands. I knew if I closed my eyes; I’d see the flames that consumed everythin’ I had, everythin’ that I had fought to protect. I could taste the bitter tears that ran down my face as I dug for even a scrap of my fathers, my siblings… Lil Clem… Gone. All of ‘em. Nothin’ left but me. Nothin’ but the old boothill they would never be buried in.

“Forkin’ Heaven ‘Genti… Where are you when I need ya…”

“Well… Fork.” Haunted his waking moments. His sleeping ones were worse.

A cold plain, barren, but unlike those of Javrilo-6. This was a region of brutal cold, not a world of it. As the knight trudged through the snow he called for his lover. Called out for him with every name that made the cyborg act as though his cheeks flushed with rose pink. He called him by the name all knew him by. There was never any answer.

After a time of walking, he found what he had been searching for and what he had dreaded. Hung from a T of wood, the dismembered body of his beloved waited. He resembled a scarecrow, a cruel fate for the being who had once lived and grown on a ranch. His limbs were only connected by wires, stretched to their limits. Whomever had done this would pay. How dare they destroy such beauty. How dare they rid the universe of such a good man.

The head of the grotesque display moved and his voice, rougher and raspier than normal came out of his unmoving lips. “Ar…Genti… Well…hehe… Fuck…”

The redhead sat up, awakened with a start. Reflexively he grabbed his phone. Punching out a message as fast as his thin fingers could manage as he shook with tears.

“My Beloved, where are you? Are you well? I haven’t heard from you in weeks.”

He hit send and it joined the growing number of similar messages that the Ranger was leaving unread...

Chapter Text

The smell of bacon and eggs frying woke my posse. Miss Shinobu was the first up. She sat in silence with me as I cooked. Eventually, puttin’ a kettle on the fire next to the pan for some tea. Aether was up shortly after her. He gave me a sympathetic look before sittin, on the other side of me. He too remained quiet, until he noticed my phone on the ground next to me.

“What’s this Boothill?” He picked up the phone, accidentally causing the screen to light up. I looked over as he was looking at my lockscreen.

“It’s my phone. I need it in case someone else who has one gets in range. It only has so much forkin’ charge in it so, please leave it alone.”

“Umm…” Aether put it down and looked at me.

“It’s for communication. Kinda hard to explain if you ain’t familiar with a lot of the sheet I’ve dealt with mosta my life. It’s a forkin lifesaver sometimes and other times it feels like you can’t forkin exist with out one.”

“Who was the man?” He asked.

“Argenti, of the Knights of Beauty.” I smiled, then nervously continued to fill the silence. “He’s searchin’ for a missin’ Aeon. Fudge if I know why. That man fully believes she’s still around. I dunno. He believes it as much as I believe in the Hunt though. Taki would enjoy the forker’s company, I’m sure.” I don’t take my eyes off the eggs as I fucking feel their eyes boring into my neck.

“He must be important to have it be the thing you see every time you go to use the device.” Shinobu commented. I could hear her smirkin'. “Shirtless and wearing your hat no less.”

“He’s my… my lover.” I sighed.

“He must be a heck of a guy. I mean, if you have a boyfriend, he’d have to be awesome!” Itto chimed in behind them. “He’s a hell of a looker too. No wonder he’s a Knight of Beauty. You tried getting ahold of your knight in shining armour?”

“No connection. It… it needs to be able to communicate with other devices to forkin’ work. If theres anything nearby, I ain’t catchin it.”

“Or you would have told him where you are. Paimon was worried about you and decided to keep a watch on you last night.” I glared at her, then looked back down. “I’m sorry.”

“Nah. It’s okay. I… you lot are right, there’s a lotta sheet I don’t wanna yak about. So, let’s just forkin’ drop it and move on.”

The others all nodded and agreed. I handed out food as they all seemed a bit uncomfortable. ‘Good job Fucker. They’re gonna leave you in the next fuckin’ town. Quit bein’ such a shit. You gotta get over this, fuckin’, bitchy, woe is fuckin’ me bullshit! It ain’t helpin’ no one, especially yourself, numbnuts. Now…”

“So how’d you meet your handsome knight? Oh, and if anyone gives you flack for being gay Boots, they’re dealing with me if you don’t shoot them first.”

“Forkin heck Taki…” I rubbed the back of my neck as we ate. “We happened to be in the same area on a planet called Salsotto. I had picked up a bounty that lead me there, and  ‘Genti was I guess, spreadin’ his good word. I had found out some forker fittin' his description had see my bounty and I grabbed his arm so we could have a quick li’l chat. He just turns around, apologizin’ and offers me a forkin’ rose to convey his salutations. I got on with it and sent him on his way. After I’d finished my job and collected, I happened on him at a bar. He tried his luck a second time and I bought him some drinks. As we headed out, still yappin’  amazin’ly, we get jumped by some shirt-for-brain bandits who think they could fork with a couple a drunks. ‘Genti’s got a way with a lance and well, after we dealt with the idiots, he had me against the back wall of that sheet-hole so forkin’ fast I had no forkin’ clue what was happenin’.” I glanced up, they’d all finished eating and were just listen to me blabber on. “He uh… Well… it was ‘bout two years ago. We’re both forkin’ busy but when we manage to catch each other, fudge we make the forkin’ best of it.”

“He must make you very happy Boothill.” Shinobu smiled.

“Yeah, haven’t seen you grin like that before.” Itto beamed. “It’s awesome to see.”

“Thanks Taki.” He slaps my back. “Come on, we gotta pack up camp.”

Shinobu glares as I get up. “No. You stay put. You have more than pulled your fucking weight.”

“I hate sittin on my forkin’ rump while everyone else works. I ain’t sittin’ around when I can help.”

“If you get any more hurt…” She continued to glare at me.

“I’ll be fine. For fudge sake, it ain’t the first time I’ve packed a camp with an injury, Fudge,  it’s not even the first time with this kind of injury. I’ll be forkin’ careful.”

Aether passed behind me. “She’ll tell Argenti.”

“I’ll be careful!” I laughed exasperated. “Fudge me. Y’all keep actin’ like I’m some shirt-for-brains on his first trailride.”

“How do we know you’re not? You could be younger than Miss Shinobu!” Paimon snarked.

“I am thirty-six for Fork sake!”

“Thirty!” Taki shouted back.

“Nineteen” Miss Shinobu said calmly.

“Over 500.” Aether smirked.

“Fudge me sideways…” I stopped packin' up the food.

“Aether’s got quite the story himself.” Shinobu said, handing me the mint I had found last night. “Starts back around the Archon War, right?”

“Just before, actually. However, because I’m a descender, there isn’t much information on me before I woke up in Monstandt… four years ago?”

“Actually, it’s three years, and ten months since you woke up and rescued Paimon from drowning!” Paimon corrected.  

“What the fork is a Descender?” I scrapped out the pans as everyone else took down tents.

“Simply, you would be one Boothill.” Aether smiled.

“Oh. So muddle-fudgers who some how ended up on this planet for no forkin’ reason other than the whims of the shirtbag Aeons.”

“Something like that.” He took the now cleaned pans and put them in the pack. “Ready to go Shinobu?”

“Yes. Everything’s ready to go.”

“Paimon’s all packed too.”

“Yup. I got my cards, my onikabuto… yup I have everything. Boots?”

I slip my phone back into the compartment on my hip and put my hat on my head. “Let’s hit the fudgin’ road.”

“That’s not Rock n Roll, Flyin’ Lavender Melon.” Taki stated for the fifth time in the hour and a half since we had left camp.

“Mr. Dvorak said Rock and Roll is about the spirit of the music, not the lyrics.” Paimon rolled her eyes back. “Hey, Boots! What do you think?”

“It’s a combination of all of it. The songs can be about anything, but they will sound a particular way. Lots of guitar, bass and clear but forkin impassioned singin’.”

“Wait. YOU KNOW ABOUT ROCK AND ROLL?!” Taki stopped and looked at me like I was a forkin’ liar.

“Yeah. Why the fudge wouldn’t I?”

“Because Mr. Dvorak is still spreading it now!” Paimon was fucking shocked.

“Well, here maybe. I’ve been into rock for about fifteen years. Forkin’ changed my life when I found it too.” They both kept starin’ at me.

“Can you sing?” Taki finally asked me.

“Yeah. My voice is pretty forked up from the surgery but I can still enjoy it. And I can also play a forkin’ guitar.”

“Ooo. If we help you get a guitar, can you show us?” Paimon bounced in the air.

“I wanna know what your version of rock sounds like. Come on Boots, think you can walk and sing?”

“I can ride a forkin’ horse and sing. And yeah, I ain’t opposed to strummin’ and singin’ a little for you, when I get a six-string.” I grinned. I’d happily lug a guitar around here.

“Could you please sing a little now?” Taki asked.

“Fine.” I rolled my eyes and tried to relax slightly before I chuckled. “This one forkin' fits me on Penacony.”

“I’m a cowboy/ on a steel horse I ride/ I’m wanted (Wanted)/ Dead or alive/ dead or alive” I coughed when I stopped. Fuck, how long had it been since I’d sung anything for fun I wondered. Had I ever sung for Argenti? Fuck, I doubt I had. “That good enough for ya.”

“THAT WAS COOL!” Both Taki and Paimon were really close to my fucking face.

“Boss…” Miss Shinobu shook her head again.

“Come on Paimon. Back off.” Aether put his hand on her tiny shoulder.

“Aether, there’s a waypoint up here. Come on guys, Boothill should see how to work this.”

I followed the group up the hill to a strange statue. Miss Shinobu pulled out a map and set it inside.

“This is a waypoint. They are a system for making travel across Teyvat faster and easier. Everyone from the Tenryou Commission to the Iudex of Fontaine use this system to cut entire days off their trips.” She gestured at the device. She then showed where the map went in and how to find the waypoint and your destination. “It can only draw paths between other waypoints and Statues of the Seven, which have one of these as part of their base. Once that’s done you push the purple gem on the side here and voila! Hey! We can cut a whole day and a half by taking a boat. I didn’t realize they had increased their trips. That’s fantastic.

“Great! You good on a boat Boots?” Itto turned to me. I looked up from where I was focused on the machine.

“I can’t get sea-sick. Even if I felt nausea, I have a bio-reactor, not a real stomach, so I can’t puke.” I smirked. “I’ll be fine.”

“Then I think we should head that way instead of going the long way.” Aether nodded. “Resting at an inn is generally better than sleeping on the ground.”

“Especially if it rains. Forkin hate rain.” I grumble, following the others down the other side of the hill.

“Must be tough to get wet if you run on electricity.” Aether commented.

“I’m forkin’ waterproof.” I blinked at him. “So long as I ain’t cracked open, that is. Nah, it makes my hair unmanageable.”

All four of my posse paused, until I started laughin'. They all quickly started as well, realizin' how fucking stupid it would be for me to not be waterproof.

“Is your hair real?” Taki finally asked, having moved behind me to take a better look at it as we walked. He reached out and pulled on it.

“OW! Yes it’s forkin’ real you donkey!” I damn near jumped as I turned. “Forkin’ heck Taki. Everything from my larynx up is real except my eyes and my teeth. They got replaced. I lost the right one when I had some forkin’ IPC nice lady try to claw it out with her forkin’ nails. That fudged up my accuracy and that was the last fudging straw in me getting’ this.” I growl, rememberin’ the 'Nice Lady' who fucked up my face. “Scared the beans outta her when I fudgin’ showed up like this.

“I’d bet.” Aether said calmly.

“Yeah, some guy whose eye I clawed out shows up all metal and growling.” Itto chuckled. “I bet she was scared.”

“We don’t want to know what happened after that, do we Boothill?” Miss Shinobu asked coldly.

“Probably not. You lot should know, I’m not exactly seen as a good guy out there.” I flick my eyes skyward to clue ‘em in. “People who find themselves my enemy or my bounty tend to not be roamin’ ‘round to long after. I take good care of those who I deem as my friends. Which, includes y’all, in case yer worried I’m gonna put y’all outta your misery in your sleep.”

After a moment of silence and the crunchin’ of our steps on the pathway Itto started laughin'.

“You really are wanted Dead or Alive, aren’t you?”

“Yes I am. A billion credits on my head too. I once joked with ‘Genti ‘bout lettin’ him turn me in for the bounty. He was mortified but fudge the look on his face…”

The others looked at each other. “You aren’t going to bring trouble by being here, are you?” Miss Shinobu asked.

“I doubt anyone even knows I’m missin, ‘cept Genti. And from everythin I ever found, the IPC ain’t got an interest here and they’re the main forkers after me. Otherwise, we should be fine.” I then realize what she was implin’ “I ain’t hidin out here. Yeah I’m on the lamb but I ain’t gonna bring a shirt storm down on anyone who don’t volunteer for it. I even avoid ‘Genti when sheet gets bad. No sense in fudgin’ up anyone else’s life.”

“Good.” She states looking at Itto. “We don’t need two people with Mora on their heads in this group.”

“The fudge is Mora? Is it money?”

“Yes.” Aether held a few golden coins out to me. “They used to be made by Morax before he… died…”

“That sounds a lot like he might not be all that forkin' dead there Aether.” I call his bluff.

Paimon flitted into my face. “You need to stop getting so nosy!” I snapped my teeth at her, grinning, and she darted back. “They have their reasons for doing what they did.”

“I’m sure they do Lil’ Darlin. Fudge, I’m just tryin’ to understand this world. I’m just good at catchin' lies. Kinda part of the whole huntin’ down an eel of a forker.”

I could feel Miss Shinobu glaring at my head. “You’re a wanted criminal, boutny hunter…”

“And on a mission to end the corporation that destroyed my home.” I add without missin' a beat. “Mainly I want one man. Oswaldo Schneider…”

“And if you can’t get home and complete that mission?”

“Quit beatin round the bush and be straight with me Miss Shinobu, what are you askin’ me?” I stop and put my ha ds on my hips, focusing all of my attention on the tiny woman. She, to her fuckin’ credit, doesn’t fuckin’ flinch.

“I just want to know the sort of person my boss is choosing to bring into out company. We tend to be good people trying to help folks. I know even the kindest seeming person can harbour secrets that could cause us all to lose what we have worked for.”

“Well, fudge. I ain’t plannin on bein a problem for anyone here who don’t make themselves a problem for me. Y’all have been kind enough for me to trust ya with the fact I got a guy waitin for me out there and his real name. And I sure as Samhill don’t just open up to anyone. I know I have problems where I come from but I don’t want to cause no one no trouble here. Honestly, on my word as a Galaxy Ranger and a cowboy. I will help where and when I can, Miss Shinobu.”

The other three blink, staring at me as Miss Shinobu stared me down.

“Hey… come on Shinobu. Boots hasn’t been anything but nice to us since I gave him back his hat and it’s not like I don’t have people who want me arrested.” Itto spoke up to my everlovin’ shock.

“And Paimon and Aether have been arrested in almost every country in Teyvat!”

“We even spent a short stint in the Fortress of Meropiede on Fontaine.” Aether added, noddin at Paimon.

“I just have a bad feeling that something is coming. I want to make sure nothing bad happens to our friends.” Miss Shinobu relents.

“Well, the only thin’ I see comin is that forkin boat we were gonna catch…” I point to the shore where sure as fuck a boat was pullin’ into a little dock.

Miss Shinobu turned and cussed. “Shit come on guys! If we miss it we might as well walk the whole way!”

The four of us ran down the side of the hill, Paimon flew ahead to try and stop the captain from pulling out to quickly. Without a fucking word I knew Taki was tryin to race me. I wasn’t about to let the Oni’s ego get any bigger.

“Careful you two!” Miss Shinobu yelled behind us like some worried hen. Just before we reached the shore my forkin boot caught on a root and I went ass over tea kettle, straight into the river.

“I told you to be careful.” Miss Shinobu said as she passed me. Aether shook his head.

“You still beat me Boots. Though, now I get why they call you Boothill.”

I cringed. My shoulder was fucking killin me. “Trust me. That ain’t forkin why I call m’self Boothill, Taki. Fudge… forkin' sheet sonofanicelady dangnabbit! Fudge! I’m gonna rip this Aeons-darned strut outta my forkin chest. Piece of shirt thing!”

“umm… Paimon thinks you should lay down Boothill.”

I nodded at her and once aboard I laid down out of the way. Taki came and sat next to me. “Why do you call yourself Boothill?”

“It’s what we called dead gunslingers back home Taki. Remember, I really forkin ain’t what you might call alive.”

“You’re alive enough to feel pain though.” He said without even lookin at me.

“Only cause it keeps me…” I chuckled. “You fish. Fine you win. I’m alive enough to feel pain.” I shifted and the fuckin shoulder sent alarms off in my head. “I think I must have made the broken ends jam together. I’ll be fine Taki. The real thing hurt more.”

“You did mention you broke your collar bone before.”

“Yeah. I was twelve. I got bucked from a horse I was breakin. Landed on my left shoulder. Graey hand to fight with me to get me to put it in a sling. How I didn’t drive those two men mad I’ll never know…” I chuckled. “Graey always called me a mule.”

“Who is Graey?” He asked smiling. “I’m gonna guess, your father?”

“One of ‘em. Nick was the other. Good men. Fudge.  They loved each other and all of us so forkin deeply. Adopted six of us lil rascals. I was the youngest.” I couldn’t help it. Thinkin about that time was making the pain easier to ignore. I knew it would eventual fuckin' calm down but they needed time.

“Hey! I was adopted too!” Taki beamed at me. “Grandma Itto still helps keep me in line.”

“She’s a very good woman.” Shinobu spoke, facing away from us with her mask in her hand. I still couldn’t see her face but I could tell she was smilin. “Sorry about earlier by the way Boothill. When  you mentioned… what you did, it caught me off guard. I sometimes forget that we all have records and pasts.”

“Fudge, I forgive ya, Miss Shinobu. You’re just watchin out for this big lumox. I’m impressed that ya didn’t back down.”

“I’ve dealt with worse.” She smiled and patted my shoulder “You should really rest Boothill.”

“I’ll be fine…”

“It’s a four hour boat ride.” She shrugged.

I looked at Taki. “I guess, I might as well have a rest then…”

“You should have slept last night.”

“My shifty shoulder wasn’t tryin to mutiny against the rest of my forkin’ body last night.”

“Yeah. That’s fair.” Taki smiled. “I’ll keep an eye on everything. Get some… is it sleep for you? I mean…”

“Well, it’s more like a… suspended state. It feels a lot like a light nap did back before everything. If I shut down it’s like a really deep sleep but it takes longer to wake up.” I settle back into the bench, kickin’ my feet up on some boxes. “I’ve also been told the full shutdown makes me look dead… so probably just gonna have a nap.”

Chapter Text

“Boothill…” I felt my hat get lifted off my face and was immediately fucking blinded by the high noon sun. “Boothill, you awake?”

“Fudge off Aether… and gimme my hat you mule!” I grumbled. Okay maybe I shoulda slept a bit the night before.

“We’re going to dock soon. And you have to see what Itto’s doing.” He laughed and shifted. I turned my head and Taki was standin’ at the prow, hands on his hips, one foot up on the rail and acting like he had done somethin’ heroic. Miss Shinobu was trying to get him to move but the fucker was enjoyin’ the moment.

“Taki! Get the fudge down before you fall and two of us are forked!” I laughed. Fuckin fool of an Oni. As he went to hop down, we bumped a rock or some-shit, and the captain started given his helmsman shit. Taki suddenly found his balance fucked and I dove across the small ship to grab him before he ended up in the fuckin’ drink. “Forkin’ heck Taki!”

“I’m fine. Just a test of your reflexes.”

“Applesauce. Don’t fork around next time or I might let ya go in.” I let my grip loosen slightly, just to see how he fuckin’ reacted.

“Okay. I won’t dick around like that again.” Taki mumbled, though I could feel Shinobu glaring at us. I yanked him back on the deck. He did a tumble and popped up like a fuckin daisy. Fuckin’ show off.

I turned around to look at the pretty countryside we were pullin' up along side.

“Wow! You weren’t kidding about your hair! It’s a mess!”

“Fudgin’ heck!” I ran my hand over it. Sure enough, a fuckin’ rats’ nest. “Forkin’ water forkin’ my hair up. Fudge sake.” I pulled a comb outta a compartment on my left arm and started tryin’ to brush it out. “Fudge!”

I heard a rummaging noise then had a brush held in front of my eyes. “Here. You can borrow this Boots. Be a lot faster than that tiny comb.” There was a pause and followed by, “Actually…”  And I felt the brush get run through my hair. I almost yanked away but the Oni had his big mitt holding my hair and was, not as gently as ‘Genti would've, brushin’ my hair out.

“Thanks Taki. That’s gonna be easier than tryin’ to do this with a forked shoulder.”

“No worries, Amigo! I got your back. You kept me from needing to do this too.” He chuckled. A few minutes later he put his brush back. “There. Good as new.”

“Again, thanks Taki. I forkin’ appreciate it.” I put my hat back on my head.

Miss Shinobu came over, clipping her mask in place. “We'll still have about six hours of walking ahead of us once we disembark. If we walk a bit past sundown we should make it to the city tonight. Then we can head to the Amenoma Blacksmith in the morning.”

Taki grinned. “I wonder if Kazuha will be there?”

“Is he a friend of yours Taki?”

“Not really. I just know of him.”

“Kazuha is a friend of Aether and Paimon!”

“We helped him with his current project.”

“It was weird when he started talking to his sword, but it makes him really powerful as a fighter!” Paimon beamed.

I chuckled. “I once met this forkin’ nutter of a gunslinger who claimed he could talk to his guns. I always thought he wasn’t playin’ with a full deck but, maybe he really could.” I shook my head. Talkin to your weapons still seemed fucked up to me. “Nice fella otherwise. Crackshot too.”

“Maybe he has a similar ability then?” Aether suggested. “Able to feel and hear the spirit of the weapon and they help each other become stronger.”

“I’ve heard it’s quite the sight.” Itto grabbed his bag and hopped over to shore. “Throw me the ropes and I’ll help tie her off for ya!” He hollered to the captain. I watch as he helped get the ship stable enough for use to disembark. Once on shore he beamed as they sailed away.

“We should get moving if we want to make it to the city before dark.” Shinobu stated.

By the time we reached the city, even my metal feet were fuckin’ achin’. My fuckin shoulder was startin’ to get sore again, and we were all starvin’.

“I could eat a forkin’ horse, and I don’t even need actual food.”

“I could eat a Hilichurl.” Itto groaned, his stomach growlin’ loudly.

“Aether, you wanna take these two to get food and I’ll arrange a hotel so that Itto can stay.”

“Sounds good.” Aether gave her a nod. “Come on you two, I know a good place.”

I was up with the sun. I always fuckin’ am. Even if I only get one or two goddamned hours of rest, once the light is in the sky, I can’t make myself stay still. It’s even worse when I’m stayin’ at an inn. I hate them. Just a reminder of somethin’ I fuckin’ won’t ever have. Still, it woulda been rude of me to turn down their offer of a room. Once I was back on my own, I’d just avoid it if I could.

The town, they called a city, was very pretty in the risin’ sun. The Sakura trees we fragrant and light. I pulled my phone out and took a bunch of photos of the trees and fuckin’ cute houses. I stopped in front of one where a man was stoking a fire. It looked like a blacksmith shop. It took the fella a moment to notice me watchin’ him.

“Good morning sir. I’m afraid the shop’s closed for a couple hours yet. Anything I can help with otherwise?” He was clearly an apprentice by the way he spoke.

“Nah. Just out for a mornin’ walk and saw you workin’. Figured, stop, see what’s goin’ on. May I ask who the master here is? My friends are gonna take me to a blacksmith later.” I did my honest best to sound friendly and cordial.

The man gave a chuckle. “My master is Amenoma Tougo. My name’s Hajime, his disciple.” I shook his offered hand. He stared at it as I pulled mine away.

“I believe this is the smith my friends were talkin’ ‘bout. Good to know. I hate to have disturbed your work, but I do ‘prreciate your time. I’d best be movin’ along.”

“Oh, it’s all good. Umm... Until next time then sir…” Hajime stated, clearly confused about something. Probably my way a talkin’ I figured.

“’Till next time.” I wandered off again.

A half an hour later I found myself making my way back to the inn. The others had probably roused finally, so we could eat and work on getting me fixed. As I walked, I heard something soft land behind me. I kept my pace and didn’t pay it any mind, or at least, that’s what I made it seem like. A moment later I turned, shiftin’ my left hand into it’s other form. A secondary revolver. I pointed it right at the fucker’s forehead.

Miss Shinobu’s eyes went wide as dinner plates.

“Fudgin’… Miss Shinobu! Don’t forkin’ do that to me! I dang near blew your brains out!” I dropped my arm, shakin’ it back out. “Don’t forkin’ sneak up on me! Dangnabbit. Are you okay Darlin? Ya spooked me something forkin’ fierce.”

She was shakin’ as much as I was. “YOU CAN TURN YOUR HAND INTO A GUN!” She shouted at me.

“It’s a handy little trick.” I smirk.

She scowled and then slapped my arm several times. I held my arms up in defence, chucklin’ slightly. “You idiot! I thought someone had kidnapped you! Don’t go wandering off! If the boss had found you gone…”

I pulled the young lady in closer. “I’m fine. I just get… antsy stayin’ at an Inn. I didn’t mean to scare ya. I’m sorry!” I gave her a sheepish look. “Leave a note next time?”

“What do you think Boothill.” She glared.

She dragged me back inside where Aether was just startin’ to get his morning underway.

“Idiot went for a walk and didn’t tell anyone.” She shoved me into the room. “And then pulled a gun on me.”

“I told ya. Ya spooked me. I’m an actively hunted man. Makes ya kinda paranoid. Then someone runs up behind ya, well… you honestly got lucky that I hesitated. If we’d not been here but on Penacony, you’d be dead in the streets, Shinobu.”

“Don’t fuck off like that again Boothill. We might be somewhere that seems safe but there are still lots of people who want to disrupt the peace, cause problems and even ruin our world.” Miss Shinobu wasn’t gonna let this just fuckin go. “A note, next time, PLEASE! For the love of the archons, I just want to not worry that someone has killed you and thrown you in the sea.”

“I’ll leave a note or knock and see if you’re awake and let you know. Alright.” I state calmly. Her bein’ so fuckin worried was kinda touchin’.

“I don’t want to have to tell your partner that I couldn’t keep you safe.” She admitted and I hugged her.

“I’ll forkin’ make sure you don’t have to. I’m sorry Miss Shinobu.”

“I forgive you, I guess.”

Itto finally stumbled into the common room, yawning. “So… breakfast then blacksmith… Did I miss something?”

“Boothill fucked off for a walk and scared the shit out of Kuki.” Aether offered. “Oh and Boothill can turn his hand into a gun?” He looked at me questioningly.

I held up my left hand, checked the cylinder in my forearm, spinning it and making it spark for show. Then I flicked my arm, snapping it shut, held my hand out like a gun and focused for a second. All three stepped back when my fingers clicked together then opened up into an impressive weapon. “Yes. My left hand can become a gun. Forkin’ handy, don’t you think?”

Shinobu walked over to me. Looked me up and down, then jumped, swatting me in the back of the head. “Idiot.”

“Ow…” I rubbed where she hit. Fuckin hard to for such a small little thin’.

A couple hours later, now fed and ready for the day, I found myself wanderin’ back up the path to the Amenoma Blacksmith. As we approached, I noticed a stooped gentleman, grey with age, and my heart stopped. He could’ve been one of my fathers by his aged appearance and kindly smile. I wasn’t sure how I’d be able to even speak as I approached.

“Oh, hello again Sir. It was our shop your friends intended I see.” Hajime beamed.

“It is.” I nodded. The master turned to his apprentice.

“So this is the stranger you spoke of Hajime.” He turned. “Well, any friend of Aether’s is welcome here. What can we aid you all with today. My apprentice mentioned you needed something repaired?”

“Yes sir.” I said, takin my hat off and trying to keep my nerves in check. These people had never seen a fucker like me, and now I’m fuckin emotional tryin’ not to think about how my Dads woulda been the same way as this old gent. “I would prefer it if we didn’t talk ‘bout it out in the open though. Kinda sensitive, if you get my meanin’.”

“Of course, of course. Come in. Come in. All are welcome.” He led our little group into the back of the shop where he settled on a stool. I chose to lean against a workbench.

“Now young man. Why has Aether brought you too us today?”

“I need my Left Clavicular Strut repaired.” I began. “I fell from… pretty dang high up. I have several… damaged parts but the strut should be the simplest and fastest to repair. I'd appreciate if you could look at the Vertebral support bodies and Thoracic chassis…”

“What do you mean Clavicular Strut?” The Master smith asked, his eyes looking at me with honest and fuckin earned suspicion.

“Kinda like my collar bone…” I popped my breast plate up and his eyes went wide. “Umm… I ain’t exactly… livin’.” I clarified. He stared at the internals of my chest then nodded.

“So you’re a Meka.”

“A cyborg, actually. My noggin’s still human, just the rest a me’s all robot.” I tapped on my forehead like a cheeky shit.

“Still, more or less a Meka. I assume this is uncomfortable?” He began examining the broken pieces. I damn near bit through my tongue tryin’ not to cuss as he manipulated the ends. “It would seem so. I think I can whip up something to keep them locked together so they don’t bounce or rub. I doubt that is what you had hoped to hear but…

“To be real honest Sir. I half expected you to tell me to get outta your shop when I tried explainin’ what’s wrong. And unless ya suddenly produce an oxy-acetylene welder, I wasn’t expectin’ anythin’ better.”

“Well, I have no idea what that even is, so I’ll just do what I can.” The master smiled. “Aether, you bring the most interesting things to me. First a talking sword, now a Meka that would put anything in the famed shops of Fontaine to shame. My boy, I must thank you. Everyone of these is a challenge I have relished.” He looked back at me. “Judging by how you flinched when I was examining things, I think you might want to do something for the pain?”

“I can shutdown while you work sir. It’s not a problem. Just… I have been told I look dead, or like a doll.” I state as he motions for me to laydown on the workbench. I look at Taki. “Would… Would you mind stickin’ ‘round and keepin’ an eye on me. Not that I don’t trust Master Tougo…”

“Consider it done Boots! I’ll help however he lets me too.” Taki beamed brightly. “So, this shutdown thing…”

“It’s like deep sleep. Gonna take a couple minutes for me to wake up. You’ll have to do a bit more than just takin’ my hat off my face. Generally, touchin’ my face seems to work though. Oh, and the scratches on that plate stay there, ya hear me! I know they look like nothin’ but…”

“They’re important.” Taki patted my shoulder. “Really Boots, I got ya brother. I’ll make sure you get put back together and no one changes anything that you didn’t already agree to.”

I sigh, laying back. “Thank ya Taki. Really. I forkin’ owe ya.”

“Eh, don’t worry about it Boots. The sooner your back together, the sooner… can do whatever the hell you want.”

“Why would you say that Itto…” I heard Miss Shinobu shaking her head.

“Cause it’s true!”

I couldn’t help but laugh. These four… well… at least I was a fuck ton less lonely than I had been. I wished ‘Genti could have been holdin’ my other hand as I began my shutdown.

Chapter Text

It had to be the weirdest thing I had seen yet! Boots just laid back like he was gonna go to sleep and then… he went… dead. That’s the only way I can describe it. He turned his body almost completely off! I hadn’t noticed that his eyes lit up or that there was a weird hum that he constantly made or that he didn’t seem to actually breathe until he went silent, and the lights went out and there was a soft whirr every few seconds.

“Well… I guess we can get started then.” Mr. Amenoma said with a nod and wandered over to his tools. I didn’t really know what to do. I was just standing there, a cold metal hand in mine, as I watched the blacksmith remove part of my new best friend’s chest.

“These must be what he wanted left. Almost looks like words.” Mr. Amenoma commented as he set the plate next to me. Looking down I did see what he was talking about, but they didn’t look like any words I’d ever seen before. Or any letters I’d seen for that matter. But, if it was important to Boots, that’s all that mattered.

Shinobu walked over as Mr. Amenoma was getting some tool. She took his hand out of mine and looked at me. “He’s fine. He explained this yesterday, remember. The shutdown is just deep sleep.”

“He does look like a doll.” Aether said, watching from a stool. Floating Lavender Melon zipped over and looked at Boots’ face close up.

“It’s really weird. Paimon doesn’t really like seeing Boothill like this.”

“Neither do I.” I told her back. “He wasn’t kidding about looking like a corpse. I wanna close his eyes but I’m worried it will wake him up and Mr. Amenoma hasn’t even gotten started.” I looked back down at the body, his body. “What if he doesn’t wake up?”

“He will.” Shinobu reassured me. “He seems far to tough to just not wake up.”

“Right! He’s like me! Nothin’s gonna hold him back!” I grinned.

Mr. Amenoma came back in with his apprentice and they got to work. They couldn’t get the broken bit out of his chest but they quickly figured out that they’d be able to lock the ends together. The apprentice left to begin work on the structural part and his master began to drill out the four holes they would put rivets through.

Whatever the Oxy-acsetawhatchmacallit thing was he talkin’ about would probably have been a lot faster. But I think he probably was used to a much faster world. I kept thinking about the fact that he pulled a gun on Shinobu. All because she scared him! Sweet and kind Shinobu! But he acted like it was just something that happened every day.

He also stopped a Mitachurl in a single go. One that was gonna crack me in the head. And he was really lonely… maybe he was lonely because he was paranoid. Probably. His boyfriend was… well, Gouro was prettier but still a hell of a looker.

“You’re mumbling.” Master Amenoma stated. I looked at him. “This young man has probably seen and done things that have changed him. Just as you have, Young Master Oni. You survived the vision hunt, growing up as an Oni, and traveling with Aether at the very least. We don’t know what this young man has done.”

“He seems so nice, but he threatened one of my best friends.”

“And I think he thought I was going to kill him Itto.” Shinobu piped up, scaring me. “He was scared that he was going to shoot me, not the other way around.”

I blinked. Master Amenoma nodded. “I have seen it with people who have had to fight for a long time Master Oni. A lot of times, they just need a little trust.”

“Do you think I can trust him?”

“I don’t know.” The old man sighed. “When he laid down though, you worried. I think you know how you feel and are just trying to make people around you believe that you aren’t being irrational.”

“He seems like he’s really sad.” I finally state after staring at Boots laying on the table for a while.  Unconscious, unmoving and the corners of his mouth turned down still, like he was having a bad dream. Like he couldn’t escape whatever was weighing down his heart and he forced a smile to keep himself going. “The scratches, on his breast plate, are they maybe names in another language? The reason he’s sad?”

Shinobu pats my back. “Well, I doubt he’s going to tell us Itto. Though, maybe he’ll trust us eventually.”

“And trust is earned, as I’m sure you well know.” The Master smiled. “Here. Come file these holes down. I can tell you trust quickly, Master Itto.”

“Very quickly.” Aether commented, returning with his outfit now glowing purple. “Which is a good thing when you feel unsure or freaked out about what you’re dealing with. Itto, I know I can come to you with the weirdest requests and you’ll just smile and lead the way. You befriended me almost as quickly.”

“I can’t believe I’m telling you this Itto, but trust your damn gut.” Shinobu finished.

I looked down at Boots. He looked almost harmless like this. Then I noticed his hair has shifted away from covering his right eye. The scars around it were nasty! It really did look like he’d had it ripped out. Under that it looked like it had maybe been burned, the skin was strangely smooth looking. Maybe he wasn’t lying about any of it. Maybe he really would find himself willing to share with us what had made him into the man, the friend, he was now.

“Okay. I’ll keep trusting him.”

“Good.” Shinobu stated, sitting herself next to me. “He seems to trust you the most of all of us. I think leaving him to wander around Teyvat alone would be a terrible plan.”

“So, I can wander around Teyvat with him!” I beam. “This sounds like a great plan. Two buddies, on a whirlwind adventure!”

Aether chuckled. “Well, I guess I’m not saving any one nation at the moment so…”

“Someone needs to watch over the gang. If you think you can hack it Aether…” Shinobu shook her head.

We sat and talked, the time passing with the rhythm and beat of the smithing work being done. Eventually both Aether and Shinobu relaxed and dozed off as the day passed. I decided to work on a new song seeing as I had a good beat behind me. By the time I finished that, the other two had woken up and we began talking about dinner.

“Master Oni, would you mind giving us a hand?” I turn around. The apprentice is now standing next to his master. “I need to place the rivets and Hijema will be closing them. I need you to hold the plate and the broken halves of your friend’s collar bone together, if you don’t mind.”

I get up and hold the two clamps that were keeping things in place. I could see into the rest of his chest cavity. It was strange, I could see something that might be what he considered his heart, strange bags that looked like there was some air in them. Then the soft whir of something spinning kicked in again and stopped a moment later. It kicked on again as the first hot rivet was put in place

“We think it’s something keeping him cool.” Hijema said as he squeezed the rivet. “Makes sense right? If he’s metal, he can’t sweat and it’s warm inside his chest, warmer than my skin feels at least.”

“Yeah, I guess it does. He’s like a Meka. They run kinda hot right?”

“Yes, they do.” Mr. Amenoma nodded. “Though most run much hotter than he does.”

“But none look hotter.” I crack. Both men chuckle and Aether shakes his head.

“You’ll have to repeat that when Boothill’s awake, Boss. He’ll have a good laugh over that one.” Shinobu smiles.

“Which should be soon.” The Master Blacksmith states, smiling at me. “We just need to put his chest back on then you can wake him up.”

“And it should be better, right? He won’t be in anymore pain?” I ask, remembering how much he was trying not to wince most of yesterday, especially after he fell in the river because of racing me.

“Well he should be in less pain at least. I did look at the other damage and the spinal pieces are probably going to need to be custom made and the ribs will require something far more mechanical than I can do to reshape them. I must suggest you talk to a contact of mine in Fontaine. His name is Jurieu. He and the woman he refuses to ask out experiment in the fortress there. He was put in touch with me by some traders who used us to source a few supplies that they needed. I will send him a letter when you leave. Hopefully it reaches him before you reach him.”

I hear a loud click followed by a sorta hollow thump. “There.” Hijema wiped his hands. “He’s all closed up. I guess you can wake him now.”

“Thank you both! I know he’ll say thank you as well but, is there anything I can do to repay you?” I shake their hands.

“You have that gang, right? Encourage them to come see me when they need weapons worked on. That would help more than any Mora given now.” The wise old master smiled.

Shinobu nodded. “I will pass that along. I’m sure our members will be happy to know a good place to go. Boss, go wake him up.”

I quietly go over to the bench and tap his face a couple times.

Nothing happens.

I tap his nose.

Still nothing.

I pull down his lower lip and take a closer look at his teeth. He said they were augmented. They’re metal! And pointy! They look like they could bite clean through anything I can think of! How does he not bite his tongue off? Or parts of his boyfriend?!

The fans seemed to be whirring a bit more. I squished his cheeks. It was strange how soft his skin was compared to the rest of him. It had to be real, normal skin…

He was glaring at me.

“BOOTS!”

Chapter Text

Chapter Eight: Between the Earth and Stars

X:\CYBRNETICSYSTM \BOOTUP

X:\ RUNSTARTUP\BTHLL.os

Startup successful

Running Diagnostics

All Major Systems fuctional at minimum levels

Biolink: 100%

CVpump: 100%

CVsystems: 90% - reduced volume of Biolink Synthetic Blood

Cooling Systems: 100%

Structural system: 80% - 4 spinal bodies damaged, Thoracic chassis integrity 50% reduced, Left Clavicular Strut repaired.

‘One strut is 5%. Interesting. Gonna keep that in mind.’

Main Processing Unit: Intact, 100% functional

Somatic Sensor Array: 100%

Tactile Input Sensor Array: 100%

‘Who the fuck is playing with my lips… Itto… Fucking hell Taki! What the fuck are you doing?!’

Olfactory Input Array: 100%

Proprioceptive Sensor Array: 90% - May effect accuracy and efficiency of movement.

‘Still fucked. I guess I’m just going to get used to that for now.’

Auditory Input Array: Rebooting

Ocular Input Array: Rebooting

Auditory Input Array:100%

Ocular Input Array: 100%

‘Why does it sound like everyone is holding their breath? Did something happen? WHY ARE YOU SQUISHING MY CHEEKS TAKI! YOU MOTHERFUCKER KNOCK IT OFF!!’ I glare at him. He pulls his hands back

“BOOTS!”

‘Hold on Taki. Give me a moment.’

Motor Neural Array: 80% - Systemic damage to posterior units, system operable

‘Still fucked, not surprised.’

Vocal Array: 100%

“Taki… quit fuuuuuuuuu…”

Synestisia Beacon: 89%. Vocabulary Censored.

“Sonofabench! Just once. I just wanna say fudge without it becoming forked up! And quit forkin’ around with my forkin’ face Taki!” I growl as I sit up. “Fudge, that feels so much better.”

“Well, you certainly have quite the mouth on you, sir.” Master Amenoma chuckled.

“I am so sorry Sir! I…”

“No worries young man. You did just wake from having surgery.” He cuts me off with a pleasant smile.

“My fathers would have been very disappointed by my cussin’.”  I admitted, slipping my jacket back on. “I shouldn’t be talkin’ all crass like that.”

“I understand. They sound like good men and seem to have raised a very good son.”

“Thank you, Sir. And thank you for your help. I ain’t hurtin’ much anymore. I greatly appreciate it!”

“Sir. Peace.” He chuckled, clearly a bit take aback by my thanks. “It is fine. And your friends have made arrangements to cover the costs of the repair as well.”

I turn to the others, shocked. “Really? Fudge.” I rubbed the back of my neck. “Y’all didn’t need to do that for me. I mean, y’all’ve known me for two days…”

“In which time you have done everything you can to keep all of us safe and happy.” Miss Shinobu stated.

“And even injured you insisted on helping out.” Aether added, smiling as Paimon nodded.

“And I don’t care. My heart says you’re a good man Boots! And I hope someday you’ll trust us enough to get why. Okay?” Taki beamed. “Besides, you’ve got no Mora, so how would you have paid anyway!”

Right… “Either way, I thank y’all kindly.” I was so embarrassed. When was the last time I dealt with good, real, down to earth folks. The sort I grew up around. Fuck, it had been so long.

“You should all go get that dinner you were talking about.” Hijema stated. “I’d like to get home to my own, if you don’t mind.”

“That seems pretty fair to me. I’d like to go make sure everythin’ is functional.” I stated. Master Amenoma nodded.

“If there is an issue, please don’t hesitate to come back. I guarantee my work normally and this is no different. If it breaks, come back and I’ll repair it free of charge.”

I offer him my hand. “I will. Thank you again. Y’all ready to go?”

My companions all nodded. The two smiths began closing up as we left. I was touched. They had taken their whole day to fix me. A stranger they didn’t know… real, honest to goodness, human kindness. I would have teared up if I could’ve. Whatever the Aeons had planned for me, this little respite on Teyvat-1 was an unusual kindness from them.

Itto unexpectedly threw his arm around my shoulders. “When did you wake up?”

“Why the fork were you playin with my lips?” I glared slightly as I asked, then chuckled. “And to actually answer, the bootup woulda started before that but that’s the first place I had external stimuli to interact with, makin’ it the easiest marker.”

“You said your teeth were augmented! I wanted to know what you meant. Sharp and pointy isn’t what I expected.” Itto beamed.

“Paimon could’ve told you that!” Paimon squeaked. “He’s tried to bite Paimon a couple of times.”

“Threatenin’ and tryin are different, little Darlin’.” I smirk. “But the doc who built this hunk a scrap tried to stay fairly true to how I looked. I had my teeth broken by some forkers back in the day. I guess she thought it made me more threatenin’ or it was good for the bullet recycler… either way, she kept ‘em all pointy.” I smiled, showing them off. “They were a bit off-puttin’ at first but, I got used to ‘em after a bit.”

“Huh. So what happened with this tooth breaking fight?” Taki beamed.

“The guy I liked beat the sheet outta me with a couple a buddies. Kicked my teeth in while he was at it. Forker got shot in the head by some IPC fudgehead.”

“You keep commenting about this IPC. Who are they?” Aether asked a while later as we sat and ate.

“The Interastral Peace Corporation.”

“That doesn’t sound so bad.” Itto commented, between mouthfuls of ramen.

“Don’t ever trust anyone who says they want to buy and sell Peace.” I sigh. “They don’t care about people, or peace, or anythin’ but power. Power, control and using them to steer the fate of the universe.”

“That does not sound very peaceful at all.” Miss Shinobu glared at a dumpling.

“But you said they haven’t done much about Teyvat.” Aether leaned forward. “Does that mean we’re safe here?”

“It may. Or it might just mean they haven’t found a reason to use up this pretty lil’ place. Not that they need a reason for destruction. Going after one man, high up in their ranks is foolhardy ‘ccordin’ to most sane folks. But I hold that one man responsible for over 80 billion deaths by the least generous estimates.”

They stare at me. 80 billion was almost impossible for my brain with all it’s upgrades to comprehend. It felt like they had the same thought.

“Why are you alone in hunting them then?” Taki asked after a moment.

“Cause it’s easier that way. And, well, most people don’t think I’ll catch the forker. I will. Or I’ll die tryin. Either one would be mighty fine by me.”

Itto put his hand on my arm. “I hope it’s the first. I’d hate to lose my friend.”

I smiled. I didn’t have any words. Most people would tell me they hoped I’d get my vengeance, but not that they wanted me around.

I cleared my throat after a moment. “So Fontaine. Where the fork is that?”

Aboard the One and Only:

He paced the length of the main cabin of his ship. Paced and tried to calm himself. He had just received orders from his commander.

“You are the knight with the most experience against the Swarm, Argenti, and are amongst the first to document the Giant Sting itself.”

“I understand but that is not where my heart is drawn. We are meant to follow the Beauty wherever the Path leads us.”

“You are meant to follow orders, Honorclad Rosencrantz.” His commander snapped, then relented. “My commander is right I have been sparing the rod a little too often with you Argenti. You WILL go deal with the Swarm.”

“No.” Argenti stated, his voice unusually cold. “I will be going to find my beloved.” His heart spoke before his mind could prevent more damage.

“Beloved?” He commander questioned, shocked. “Well, this is most certainly a turn, especially from you. With this in mind, if you should fail, then you will be going to deal with those hideous bugs alone, less you lose your way on the Beauty’s Path.”

“I will not fail. I never have.” Argenti states firmly.

“Everyone does eventually, Knight Rosencrantz. And for the record, what is the name of the woman you pursue?”

“What HIS right name is, I have been commanded to keep in confidence. His chosen name, is Boothill.” Argenti speaks with a quiet defiance.

“You fail for this Galaxy Ranger, this murderer, and you will find no home awaiting your disgraced name.” His father snarled. “Nor any true redemption, Argenti Rosencrantz. You fail and I will have no son.”

Now he was staring out at the vast emptiness of space. If he failed it would mean losing everything. His family, his home, his faith… but. He looked at one of the photos Boothill had gotten printed for them, one of them together after a mission, beaming and happy. Happy, like two normal people. Two people whose lives didn’t revolve around violence or pain or an unending search. Just each other.

It was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

Chapter Text

We had gone back to our common room. Aether spread out his map on the table, placing small items to pin it down.

“Can I borrow one of those?” He asked pointing at my ammo belt. “I need a marker so we can plan our basic route.”

“Sure.” I pop a bullet out, twirling it between my fingers as I hand it to him.

Aether set it on the map, at the southern edge, on a set of Islands. “So, this is where we are currently.”

“And Fontaine is over here!” Paimon taps the upper Northwest part of the map.

“Dang. So, I guess we’re sailin’ quite aways then?”

“Not really.” Aether shakes his head.

“The western sea isn’t very navigable. We will actually be travelling by foot from Liyue Harbour to The Court of Fontaine.” Miss Shinobu stated.

“That is quite the trail to ride. What’s the scale of this map? How long you figurin’, a few weeks?”

“Probably a month and a half, if we take our time.”

“And all things considered, if we do take our time, it means more time for an adventure!” Itto beamed.

Chuckling, I walk my fingers along the straightest path that looked easily navigable. “What’s this here?” I tap on a large brownish splotch on the map.

“It’s a massive chasm. It’s been rendered pretty safe at this point. We’ll have to go around the top. There are people actively exploring it and learning about its history. Even the areas we’ll be walking through are active.” Aether said calmly.

“We'll?” I stop, cluin’ in to what they’re sayin’. “As in, y’all are comin’ too?”

“Well, yeah. I’m not leaving you to wander across Teyvat by yourself, Boothill.”

“Neither is Paimon! Paimon is the best guide in Teyvat, after all!”

I looked at them. “I… Thanks. Really. You guys don’t have too, but it’s always better than walkin’ by yourself.”

“And Aether knows people all over the place!” Itto beams. “I bet you’ll get to meet so many cool people.”

“You wanna come too Itto?” Aether asked, smiling.

“Would ya mind Boots?”

I looked at him. “What about your gang? Don’t you an’ Miss Shinobu gotta get back to runnin’ them?”

“Can’t we just let Grandma Oni know and head out!” The Oni looked at Miss Shinobu who sighed.

“I’ll get a message to her. We will have to check in with her as we travel.” She shook her head.

“I can send her new recipes for everywhere we go! She’ll love it!”

“Just make sure you try to get ones that the ingredients aren’t too hard-to-get Itto.”

“Well, I guess this does make us a real posse.” I beam. Taki slaps my shoulder.

“Yup, our own little branch of the Arataki gang. Like an international outreach program.”

Miss Shinobu laughed. “I am not acting as a delegate in international politics Boss. It’s bad enough I’m your lawyer!”

“Hot Dang, you’re a lawyer Miss Shinobu?” I asked, not believin’ my ears.

“Yes, I am Boothill. I was trained in Liyue even. It’s one of many consultant jobs I am willing to take.” She handed me a card. I stared at it. The font was nice to look at but I struggled against my inability to make letters behave themselves.

“Kuki Shinobu, Depty head of the Arataki Gang, consultant.” She stated for me. If I could still blush I woulda been red with fuckin’ embarrassment.

“Kookie?” I looked at her confused. “Well, I dunno if I’d call ya Kookie. You aren’t that crazy to me.” I went to hand the card back.

Miss Shinobu laughed. “It’s my family name Boothill. And keep the card, just in case. You never know when it might come in handy.”

“Alright. I was confused ‘cause where I’m from Kookie means crazy or strange.”

“And my given name is Itto!” Taki boasted.

I blinked, then exclaimed, “Your given name is Itto! I been callin’ ya Taki thinkin’ I was shortenin’ your name!”

 “I still like it, Boots!” Itto commented, grinning.

“I’m just used to the order bein’ the other way round. So, it would be Shinobu Kuki and Itto Arataki.”

“You’ll run into both here, Boothill.” Aether commented. “Sometimes it seems like there is no standardization even within one nation.”

“I see it enough back home. I guess some things are just kinda universal.” I smile as Shinobu began drawing our route on the map.

“Eh Boots, what is your real name?” Taki asked a little while later as we got settled down for the night. I had kept quiet about my opinion of spending yet another night at an inn to myself. “I mean, Boothill’s a pretty strange name. Was it your family name or something? I know you said it means dead gunslinger but…”

“Let’s just go with it bein’ my name Taki. It’s what I like to be called.” I said plainly, maybe even a little coldly.

“Sorry Boots.” Itto said softly.

I sighed again. This damn Oni… “Look. I don’t like talkin’ bout my past, alright. But, yes. I had a different name before they put me in this tin can. Most people don’t wake up afterward. I did, somehow. So I decided I needed a different name.”

“Maybe it’s just ‘cause it wasn’t your time yet.” Itto said. “Or you’re just always made if tougher stuff, like me. Either way. I’m glad you aren’t all the way dead.”

“I am too… now go to sleep Taki.”

I dreamed; pleasant dreams for a change, about being in a bed, wrapped in red sheets and red blankets and the arms of my sweet redhead.

Shinobu woke me with the sun. She was an early riser, like myself and wanted to go for a walk. I was happy to oblige.

“You doing alright? After last night, I mean?”

“I’m fine. I’m sorry I was… being a peach.” I glare up toward the damn beacon. “I know you guys just wanna get to know me, but… I struggle with my past. Generally, most people just see me and either get anxious, wantin’ to not get caught or they’re enamoured because there ain’t too many of us Galaxy Rangers out there.”

“I understand. You’re doing great, honestly. The Boss really doesn’t know when to stop pushing.”

“But I know he means well. I doubt you ever have to worry he’s going to intentionally hurt ya. I don’t trust easy because people are always out to get me. And yet, somethin’ ‘bout that dang Oni just… I want to trust him. It’s kinda frightenin’ actually.”

“Probably because you aren’t used to being around someone who is so similar in personality to yourself, or, at least, the person you would be without your mission.” Shinobu smiled. We both waved in that friendly greetin’ way to Hijema as we passed the Amenoma Blacksmith shop. He returned the greeting.

“Dang, people here are so friendly. Is all of Teyvat like this?”

“I honestly don’t know.” Shinobu said. “I remember Liyue being a bit colder but more so because they’re very business oriented than unfriendly.”

“And that’s the next place we’re goin’ to, correct?” I asked. She nodded.

“Yes. I’d like to stop in and see a couple friends while we’re there. You guy’s won’t have to come with me though. There’s lots to see and I’m sure Aether will have many non-lawyer friends he’ll want to meet with.”

“Speak of the devil…” I state, pointin’ ahead to where Aether was standing and talking with a powerful looking woman.

“It will be wonderful to have you back aboard the Alcor, Aether. We’ll be setting sail with the tide, so you should probably be getting back.” She turned toward us. “Are these your friends? Pleasure to meet you.  I’m Beido, Queen of the Crux. And this is the flagship of the Crux, The Alcor.” She gestured to the ship behind her, buzzin’ with activity as her crew prepared to leave.

“Kuki Shinobu.” She produced another pretty red card which Beido took.

“The famous Kuki Shinobu, this is a pleasure. I assume your boss will be coming with? I do look forward to meeting him as well. From everything I’ve ever heard he’s one young man who is worth his salt. A bit of a troublemaker but I can’t imagine he’d pull anything when his honour is called into question over it.” She smiled brightly shaking Shinobu’s hand. Then she looked at me. Not sayin’ a dang thing, she started walkin’ ‘round me, takin’ a good look at my metal ass. “You must be the Meka Aether was talking about. The one trying to get to Fontaine.”

“Yes Ma’am. Name’s Boothill.” I offered my hand and she gave it a good firm shake, squeezing it as she did so.

“Pleased to meet you Boothill. First time sailing on the ocean?” She continued to hold my hand, clearly she was tryin’ to judge my reactions.

“Yup! First time. Didn’t have many oceans back home, so I ain’t never done this. Been on Starskiffs and Spaceships a plenty, but never an honest ocean fairin’ vessel.” I beamed. “It will be an excitin’ challenge to learn how to sail.”

She flicked my chest. “You really are made of metal.” She sounded a little shocked. “Well, we’d better make sure you don’t fall in the drink.”

“The only drink I wanna fall into is my flask of Asdana’s White Oak or a good whisky.”

“Now THAT is a drink worth falling into. Though, more a beer woman myself.”

“Nothing wrong with a good beer.” I smile, all sharp teeth and excitement.

“If Itto gets drunk he’s YOUR responsibility Boothill!” Shinobu chastised as I laughed.

Penacony: Reality

Of course they were involved. My beloved was intrinsically tied to The Interastral Peace Corporation so, of course, they had to have some hand in my Silver Cowboy’s disappearance. Whether it had been intended or not was another matter.  Still, when I had returned to the last place I had any report of Boothill being, I found an IPC device. One that had opened a Cavern of Corrosion up, but, it seemed to have a different exit point than what seemed normal.

I needed to find out where it had opened up to, and who had given it to a void ranger. I knew one man who my most beloved had met while on Penacony. The only man in the entirety of IPC he even willingly tolerated. I had heard rumor of his true name from my recent research. I knew the name he usually went by thanks to rescuing the man from a possibly well deserved fate. Boothill, however, had only ever referred to him as The Gambler when speaking with me. Aventurine.

Chapter Text

I had heard of the tragedy of the demise of the Avgin people many times in my travels. Truly, I found it to be one of the ugliest things I had heard by far. Most recently, I had heard it retold from the mouth of their only survivor as he rambled in a near delirious state after I had pulled him from the grasp of the depths of the Memoria and The Nihility THEMSELVES. I had never intended on ever seeing that man again when I had dropped him off with Doctor Ratio. Yet, here I was, in my desperation, going to meet with the last remaining member of the Avgin people.

 It seemed that much like my beloved cowboy, Aventurine had seemingly taken what people said about his people and run with it. If the stories were to be believed, this so called mad man had gambled against fate THEMSELVES. Gambled, and won. It is no wonder Boothill respected this man. Respected, but hated him all the same for he did work for the IPC and as far as the cowboy was concerned, anyone with the IPC deserved whatever bad end they found.

Still, I found myself making my way from the Reverie to whatever hall of decadent sin Aventurine had set up shop in within which ever Moment he had chosen. I felt exposed without my armour but knew that it would have drawn far more attention than the red ankle length coat, black dress shirt, red tie and black fitted pants did. Even if the jacket and tie were emblazoned with emblems of my Goddess, of the path I stride, and my lapel displayed one of the roses I am particularly known for. Still, I felt like I was walking into a hornet’s nest.

“Well, I never thought, I would ever see you again, Argenti.” Aventurine smirked as I walked in. His unique magenta and cyan eyes sparkling as he stared me down. “And for what?” He walked around his desk, rose tinted glasses sparkling in the bright light of his office. “I'd wager it’s for the love of a certain missing cyborg cowboy.”

I was taken aback. He knew about Boothill being missing? When had he found out? Who had told him? Who else knew?

“Hmm. I guess I was right on that one.” He poured himself a drink. “You are far quieter than I remember you being. What? Can’t take not being the one in control of the situation?”

“I simply am finding that my colourful words currently make little difference to my situation. I am very aware that you are not a fool, not a man to waste his time on an unbeneficial bargain nor one who needlessly makes assumptions. I am here for information. And seeing as you already have some idea as to my inquiries, I see little call to waste anymore of your time. After all, time is money, is it not?” I explain.

“Awe, this whole situation must really bother you. Not being in control of how things are going to go. It must be making you crazy. Like everything is just an unintelligible blur.” The Gambler swirled his drink before sipping it, smirking over the rim. “I am also surprised by the lack of shining armour.”

“I’m not here on official matters, Aventurine.”

“I thought all matters pertaining to the knight’s life were official business. Including their behaviours, or lack thereof, in the bedroom. Something about putting your goddess above everything, especially matters of the heart.” The Gambler leaned over and rested his arm on my shoulder.

“Don’t touch me, Kakavasha.” I snap coldly, jerking away. I have never appreciated being touched without consent. He startled me and I hadn’t intended to use his true name, but it did get a reaction.

He slapped me. “You have no right to use that name, Knight.” He snarled. “Fuck you.”

“I’d rather not.” I snarled back. “There is no need for you to touch me. Now, I want to know what this is.” I place the device on his desk.

“And why should I tell you anything.” Aventurine sneered.

I wiped the corner of my mouth. Crimson blood darkening the thumb of my scarlet glove. “I don’t think you want to be on his hit list, when I find him.”

“If.” Aventurine ventures to correct.

“Have I ever failed?” I fixed him with a steely look. He stared back. A moment later he caved with a groan.

“It’s a single use Corruption gate.” He picked it up, turning it over in his hand as he moved back to his desk chair. “It should have been set to a normal Cavern but… this one… where did you find this?”

“I found it in an alleyway in the reality.” I kept my voice flat.

“I’m assuming it’s where Boothill vanished from?” He smirked.

“Yes. Why?”

“Whoever got this, was either given it or stole it from the MDD. Your cowboy’s favourite department. How do you know he didn’t do this to himself?”

I found myself sitting in a bar in the Golden Hour. Some backwater one that I had never heard of. The grizzled bartender watched me as I sat and drank my rose wine.

“I have never seen a knight of Beauty in his dress kit before. You alright?”

“No.” I looked at my empty glass. The bartender filled it again.

“Anything that me or the other Bloodhounds can help with? Or is it something…”

“It’s personal.” I shrug. “Unless you know anything about corruption gates, or why the IPC would allow a Voidranger to get it’s hands on a device to open a gate.”

The Bloodhound looked at the cup in his hand thinking. “Actually, we’ve been investigating something that could be related. This all went down in the reality, in an alley way just outside the Reverie, right?”

“Yes.” I nodded. Perhaps Aventurine was right to send me to this bar. This Gallagher seemed more knowledgeable than I had first given him credit for.

“Well, my guys are tracking the theft of an item from an IPC agent here. It took some convincing but he eventually revealed it was a corruption gate meant to access a world that I have never heard of. Trivet or some shit like that. He had one, meant to get him there where he would meet up with a group he called the Fattie, or something similar…” He looks at his notes. “These young guns need to start takin’ better notes. I don’t know how much help that it’s gonna be. Still the IPC kid did say his device was stolen by a Cowboy. Said he was lucky to get outta there alive. Gave him the device to get away.” He smirked. “Sound like someone you know?”

“Boothill, what did you get yourself mixed up in?” I muttered into my wine.

“I had wondered if that wasn’t who was bein’ described here. Either way, the young guy had run away shortly after that. Said some voidrangers showed up and he didn’t wanna fuck with them.” Gallagher put his note pad back in his pocket.

“It was shortly after that I happened upon the end of the fight. The device was used I think and Boothill was sent through… unless you have heard anything of him as of late.”

He gave me a sympathetic look. “’Fraid not Sir Knight. His trail goes as cold as a glass of Soulglad. No one, and I mean no one, has heard anything from the loudmouthed cowboy in… three months.”

“I know.”

“You said you saw the end of the fight. What did you witness?” The Bloodhound leaned in. I finished my glass. He set a bottle down next to me.

“I saw a couple Voidrangers looking at a Corruption Gate, watching it close. I heard Boothill exclaiming, but his voice sounded far away. Then I eliminated the Voidrangers and attempted to use the device to reopen the gate. I was unable to investigate further at the time, however. Now I am seeing what I can learn and see if I can find out anything else about the device.”

“Let me take a look.” He offered. I handed him the small puck shaped device. He hummed and looked it over. I drank straight from the bottle. No one knew anything of what had happened beyond what I already did. Like the bartending Bloodhound said, his trail was cold as ice. “That’s odd.”

“What is?” I asked, hopeful for any information that might be useful.

“They didn’t align the timeframes. If your… friend fell through this portal, he also got sent about three months ahead, which means he got dumped anywhere on the planet. If they’d aligned the time, it would have given a specific location.”

“How do you know that?” I asked, trying to see the device.

“Here, this dial here. It should have been aligned like this.” He twists the dial to match another one. “Whoever sent him though didn’t know how to use it, didn’t care, or set it off accidently.”

“So it probably wasn’t intentional?” I felt a little light in my heart.

“Probably not. Besides, from everything I ever heard of the Ranger, he was too happy and too driven to off himself.” He smiled, tiredly. “Sorry I can’t help ya with anything more. But if I see him, I’ll let him know you were looking out for him, Red.”

“Argenti. My name is Argenti Rosencrantz.” I smile, picking up the bottle.

“I’ll try to remember that. Honestly though, the hair is more likely to stick in my memory.” Gallagher chuckled. “Take the bottle with you, if you want. My Treat. I hope you find him Argenti. Rumor is, he’s one of the good ones.”

“Thank you again, I will return to tell you when I find him.”

“Good luck, Knight.”

I exited the bar, bottle of wine in my hand. I walked down the block before stumbling slightly. It was strong wine, clearly. Taking another sip, I think about how much I shouldn’t be doing this. Any of it. I shouldn’t drink, it skews one’s view of beauty, I shouldn’t be in the Dreamscape as all here is naught but lies, I shouldn’t be searching for my beloved, my commander has deemed him unworthy… I shouldn’t be in love with Boothill, but I am. I feel a tear slip down my cheek. Love is beautiful, but the pain when something goes wrong, when one person hurts another… He hasn’t hurt me. I know that. He never hurts me. Someone else did this. Someone in reality started the chain of events that led to this and I want to… no. I am above such petty revenge.

“Well, ain’t this a forkin’ shock.”

I look up. I need to get rid of the rest of this wine. Now I’m hallucinating.

“I ain’t never seen a Knight of Beauty getting’ forkin’ drunk.”

I looked at the face of the man I loved. He was beaming and had his hands on his hips.

“You gonna share that with me, ‘Genti?”

I got up and hurried to him. No, this couldn’t be. Yet when I reached for his cheek, he recoiled. “Boothill?” I asked softly. “Where did you go?”

“I’ve been here the whole time ‘Genti. You sure you should be drinkin’ that sheet?”

I am a fool. So is she.

“What do you want, Fool.” I snarl.

In the blink of an eye, my beloved Ranger was replaced by a small woman dressed provocatively in red with a fox mask pinned to the side of her head, offsetting the balance of her high pigtails. She looked up at me with her dark pink eyes.

“Well, that certainly answered more than one question about you, Argenti Rosencrantz of the Knights of Beauty.” She smirked. “Who would have pegged you to be that sort? Let alone your Ranger. Tell me, any luck finding Boothill in Penacony? I didn’t think so.”

“I will not ask again. What do you want, Fool.”

“I’m not that easy, Knight. I’m not after anything you have with you. However, if my information is useful, I imagine it will be worth more than your own soul.” She teased. “However, the device in your pocket will be enough to suffice for now.”

I pulled the portal device out of my pocket. When had I taken it back from Gallagher? Not important.

“How do I know I can trust you and your machinations, Sparkle, The Masked Fool?”

“Do you really have enough information to not trust them?’ She stepped closer, continuing her taunt. “Do you have a name or a location code or anything of actual value in your search? Or do you just have the fine ends of thread that my break before yielding any sort of prize? I want that thing in your pocket for my own reasons.” She looked at her nails. “Things are far too boring lately and I need to… mix them back up.”

“What concrete information do you have Sparkle?” I press. I dislike this dancing around.

“Nothing. But I know how to get the information you seek. The name of a planet, and I can confirm it, if you but give me the device.”

I had nothing to lose. That worried me. What was her plan? I had nothing more than the puck to press with and I felt that if I did press, I might lose my only lead. I held the device out, pulling it back as she reached for it. “You will leave me and my beloved out of whatever your little game is, Fool. And this information had better be clear and accurate.”

“Well, you are no fun at all.” She huffed. Then grabbed the device. “Hmmm… the code is for a planet I doubt you’re familiar with. What the Corporation wants with it, is definitely beyond me. But I can tell you that if you look it up, you’ll find your cowboy isn’t too far from home.” She giggled in a way my drunken mind could only call sinister. “Well, for one of you at least. Good Bye Argenti. Happy Hunting. Hope you have more luck finding Boothill than you’ve had finding Idrila.” She skipped away, dropping a slip of paper behind her. I caught it. The planet code was scrawled on it in hot pink.

I chugged back the rest of the bottle of wine and returned to reality.

Hungover, the following morning, I found myself climbing aboard the One and Only. I wasn’t looking the planet up here. IPC’s eyes were in the walls it felt like. The last thing I needed was to really raise their suspicions of what I was doing.

The planet’s name is similar to Trivet, close to home for either myself or Boothill, not one that most people knew about… My memory latched on to something. A night my beloved and I had spent looking out the window of my ship.

“Why do you want to do this, my Darling? Other than for your little girl, that is.”

Boothill sighed. “I wanna keep other planets like Aeragan-Epharshel safe. Other people like me from losin’ everythin’ they got.” He looked out at the vastness before us both. “I’ve read ‘bout a bunch a places that the IPC wants to “Civilize”. Fudge, one of ‘em is either in the same dang system as Aeragan-Epharshel or the one next to it. Everythin’ I found, they’re callin’ it Teyvat-1. Ain’t any sort of powerful planet and it ain’t got anything worth minin’ but they got it on some lists. Those folks, like my own, or the Avgins or yours… they ain’t done nothin’ to deserve to be on a list a planets that ain’t deservin’ of freedom and life.”

“How are you protecting this world?” I took his hand. He squeezed my hand in return.

“I ain’t able to do more than what I’m already doin’. I get Oswaldo Schneider and I could keep those places from fallin’ to shirt because a the IPC. It’s why I also make a big rukus when I can. Keeps other people lookin’ at what the forker’s are fudgin’ doin’.”

Teyvat. It sounded like Trivet. Relatively unknown and close to Boothill’s home planet. I had my destination, or at least, a starting point. As I entered the planet’s code into my navigation system I said a prayer to Idrila, to forgive my need to follow this man, wherever he went, and to ask THEIR blessing in my travels.

My prayer seemed answered immediately. My path was blocked by a ship with a familiar call sign. I would approach, then see, if it were the Nameless and The Astral Express, I would seek their assistance in the retrieval of my Beloved, my Boothill.

Chapter Text

Taki was standing on the forecastle and screaming out at the wind. “WHAT THE HELL RAIDON! IS THIS BECAUSE WE DIDN’T TAKE A STANDARD FERRY!?”

I shook my head. “Get your ash down here Itto Arataki! We need your help and yellin’ at some lady really ain’t helpin’ right now!” I hollered through the storm. Everyone was soaked to the bone and rushin’ around, trying to keep the ship from blowin’ to far off course. Never a dull moment.

Itto jumped down and immediately grabbed the line I was tryin’ to haul. My steel boots slippin’ in the water on the deck. He was still in his weird shoes with two wooden blocks on the bottom but he was managin’. I kept fallin’ on my ass.

“C'mon Boots! Tie that off and let’s get the next one!”

At least my knots were holding up. Not for the first time I remember should’ve gotten treads put on my damn boots. Paimon had taken my hat and was keepin’ it safe.

Aether grabbed my arm. “Beido wants us to get below deck. This is starting to get to be too much for non-sailors.”

I debated fightin’ him on it. The whole ship rocked hard and I near fell, again. Yeah, that would be really stupid. “Alright. TAKI, WE’RE HEADIN’ IN, GET YOUR BISCUTS OVER HERE!” I hollered over another loud booming rumble of thunder. The Oni wasted no time in joinin’ us.

“Yeah. I may be gutsy, but I’m not that stupid!” Itto said as we moved into the relative dryness of the bunks. “This is a crazy storm.”

“Maybe Barbados is bored and picking a fight with the Raidon Shogun?” Paimon commented. She had my hat on her head, so it kinda looked like the hat was possessed, and I couldn’t help laughin’.

“I think it’s just a storm, Paimon.” Aether also chuckled. “Give Boothill back his hat.”

“Awe. But I want to be a cowboy.” She pouted as I plucked the hat off her head.

“Well, if I get back out there, I’ll find a place and get you your own hat Paimon.”

“REALLY?”

“Yes. Really, Paimon. I bet I could find one the would work with your outfit, even.” I chuckle.

“You’re my favorite person now.” She declares.

“Awe c’mon Floating Lavender Melon. I thought I was your favorite!” Itto complained and I couldn’t help but start laughin’. These two were just so ridiculous.

A moment later I noticed Aether was watching some other people in the bunks with us. They were dressed in greys and muted blues, and all wearing a mask with a beak.

“Everythin’ okay Aether?” I asked quietly as Itto and Paimon playfully argued behind me.

“I don’t know. I didn’t see them board.”

“Who are they?”

“Members of the Fatui. A radical group from another country called Schneznia. They’re… generally up to no good but they have also helped me in the past. Probably heading to Liyue to make contact with Childe.”

“Child?”

“Also know as Tartaglia. He’s one of the eleven leaders, or Harbingers. They all have funny aliases. The Knave, Pantalone, el Dottore… They’re strong and vicious. And their leader is Tsaritsa, the archon of Snezhnaya.” He explained, continuing to watch and attempt to listen in. I watched them. They certainly acted like they didn’t want to be noticed.

“What’s with the masks?” I ask quietly.

“They give up their personhood to become Fatui. They are nameless, faceless people living only to serve their Tsaritsa.” Aether explained. I looked back at the group of strangers. They certainly seemed suspicious. Whispering and hiding behind masks, that were meant to hide who they once were…

“They sound like some divisions of the IPC. I know at least one group, the Ten Stonehearts, all take power from some kinda stone and they take that stone as their name. I don’t get that.”

“But you changed your name, didn’t you?”

“Well, that was by my choice, not so I could join a group. The Rangers woulda taken me no matter what my name was. Hell, I joined them before I was a cyborg. I didn’t have to give up anythin’. Those Stonehearts, or at least the one fella I know, they had to give up everything they had before to become one of them.”

“Okay, that is kinda similar to the Fatui.” Aether shook his head.  

“They’re just dignitaries Aether. Don’t get suspicious without reason.” A soft voice spoke from behind us. For a moment I wondered if it was Dan Heng, one of the trailblazer’s from the Astral Express. Then realized, he had no fuckin’ way to know Aether’s name.

“Kazuha!” Aether stands and turns. “We’d been wondering if we’d be seeing you.”

I turned and saw a man of similar build to Aether, similar enough they almost looked related. Same with his blond hair, except the swordsman had a red streak in it.

“So, this is the man who can hear his sword speakin’ to him?” I ask, smilin’.

“You are very noisy. And you smell strange, like gunpowder and oils. Similar to a Ruinguard.” He paused as I looked from him to Aether. “You must be the Meka the others were talking about. Though you seem… more human than machine in many ways.”

“Well, I was born human.” I offer, unsure of what to think of this strange man. “I just ended up more machine than man physically.”

“That explains the strange noises. You have a pump instead of a heart.” He placed his hand on my chest. “It’s loud enough I could hear it when I boarded.”

“I also probably make sound when I move. The actuators and shirt… I’m sorry if the noise bothers ya.” I state, remembering how noisy I found my body to be when it was still new.

“The storm drowns it out. Honestly, you seem like a man who, though your heart may be mechanical, his true heart is large and damaged and yet still full of love. Or else you would never have befriended Aether.”

“Fudge.” I rub the back of my neck. Is everyone on Teyvat just uncomfortably nice? “That’s awful poetic of ya. I’m just a man on a mission, that’s been sidetracked by fallin’ through a rabbithole. Name’s Boothill by the way.”  I offered my hand.

“Kaedehara Kazuha.” He placed his hand on the hilt of his blade and bowed. Seeing this, I tipped my hat instead of the handshake. “It is very pleasant to meet you Boothill. And what do you mean by falling through a rabbit hole?”

“Boots fell from a hole in the sky! Aether and Paimon found him waking up on the ground. We’ve been traveling with him ever since!” Paimon chirped happily next to me.

“Fell from a hole in the sky. That is still strange. Your survival must be down to this metalic body you have then.”

“And bein’ made of tougher stuff.” I added. “Though, I still took some damage and that’s why we’re headin’ to Fontaine. The nice folks at Amenoma Blacksmiths did what they could and the master there recommend I head to Fontaine.”

“They are good people. I would most certainly trust their recommendations, especially about something so delicate as ones body, in your situation.” The way this man talked made me think of ‘Genti, all poetic like. I could see them getting’ along real well.

‘The fuck are you thinkin’ Boothill. There ain’t no place for a fucker like us to settle down no more. And like ‘Genti’s ever gonna settle down. He’ll likely keep try to keep travelin’ and spreading his good word about Idrila.’

“Yeah, it bein’ made a steel makes it harder to break but also heck to try and fix. Sometimes I kinda miss bein’ flesh and blood for that reason. Didn’t have to get some special forker with extra smarts to fix me up.”

“But, you gotta admit Boots, you get to meet some cool people needing to travel to get you body fixed.” Itto grinned. I rolled my eyes. “C’mon Boots, you met Me and Shinobu and Aether and Floating Lavender Melon, and real pirates, and Kazuha. It’s pretty awesome.”

“Yeah. I guess that’s true. It also gives me somethin’ to do without just findin’ some bounties.”

“Oh, are you a bounty hunter.”

“Yup. And a dang good one. Though, I got a good bounty on my head too. That’s what happens when ya go toe to toe with a big fancy group like the IPC.”

“The IPC?”

I chuckle. Sometimes it’s hard to remember that everyone around me ain’t got a clue ‘bout what’s goin’ on off their planet.

“They’re a group of people in space that want to control everything and ruin things in the name of peace.” Taki chimed in for me.

“Exactly. And they’re powerful enough to put a might large bounty on a forker who’s idea of a fun date is fudgin’ up their plans.” I grin. “‘Genti had asked to see what I did once. It was a fun date. He did mighty fine himself that night.”

“Did you really take your boyfriend on a date where you ended fighting bad guys?” Paimon questioned.

“I ain’t lyin ‘bout it little Darlin’. When I find a way to get in touch with ‘Genti, you can ask him yourself.”

“And I will. It just sounds crazy to Paimon. Who would want to fight on a date?”

“We also did a lot of really lovey-dovey dates too ya know. Ya don’t date a knight a beauty and not expect at least half your dates to be overly romantic.” I chuckle and smile. The thought of that man’s smile as I would get sheepish over some little gesture or trinket he’d give me making me feel that sweet warmth in my chest.

“Boots… Earth to Boots.”

“Huh?” I blink at Itto.

“You started daydreaming about your guy, didn’t ya?” He smirked.

“And. Ain’t like you don’t daydream about your guy.” I stick my tongue out.

He sticks his out too.

“Boys. Knock it off.” Shinobu snarls. We both look at each other and then at her, like little kids in trouble. “You guys know any games we can play?”

“Anyone got a deck a cards?”

“Heck ya!” Itto jumps up and goes to his bag. He comes back with a really standard lookin’ deck.

“I wanna teach y’all how to play poker.”

A few hours later I found myself with a decent hand. Aether had already folded thanks to Paimon giving his hand away, again. Kazuha had been called up on deck but not before kickin’ our asses in several hands. Itto’s excitement for his hand was pretty clear, but he didn’t seem to care if he lost. He loved the win though and he seemed to be now just getting excited over every hand. Shinobu on the other hand, I couldn’t tell one way or the other what she had. It was kinda frightenin’ how good she was at maintainin’ her emotions. Musta been somethin’ in her past that made that one possible.

“All hands! All hands on deck!” Someone above us shouted down. Everyone who was playin’ looked at each other.

“Come on guys. If Beido wants us up there we’d better move it.”  Aether stated. Itto gathered up his playing cards and we hustled our butts up to the deck.

I was stunned once again by just how lovely this world was. Behind us was dark clouds, churnin’ and angry. In front, a natural harbour with blue skies and a green and craggy shoreside cliff.

That’s when Paimon spoke up. “Ummm… this isn’t Liyue Harbour…"

Chapter Text

“Then where the fudge are we?” I ask, already wonderin’ what this meant for our journey.

“The Falcon Coast of Monstandt. About half a day from Monstandt City.” Aether stated, sounding disappointed.

Kazuha came over to us. “The storm blew us radically off course. We tried to fight against the winds but as you can see, we did not win.”

“Well, I guess that means I get to see a little more of this world then.” I nod, giving the others a small smile. Sure, it meant taking even longer but, it’s not like that really mattered. I knew I either had to wait for someone to find me or for technology on this planet to catch up and then build a ship of my own… That wasn’t going to help. I’d outlive most of the people I know doin’ that.

“I guess we should head to Monstandt City then.” Aether sighed.

“It would make the most sense Aether. Stay at the Angel’s Share and then press on in the morning. I believe the captain intends to spend the night there as well, Mister Boothill.”

“Good to know, seein’ as I owe her a drink.”

“I might owe you a drink instead. It only seems fair seeing as this isn’t Liyue and I was supposed to take you there." Beidou stepped down next to us. "And don't worry about the cost of the trip Aether. Same reasons. I really am sorry that this is making things harder for you Boothill.”

I chuckle. “It’s fine Captain. Besides, unless you have some information on some part a this world havin’ interstellar travel, I’m kinda stuck anyways. Might as well take the scenic route while I’ve got the time.”

“And he’ll take a ton of photos for his boyfriend.” Aether smiles.

“Yeah. He’s a Knight of Beauty. Whatever that means?” Paimon states, her head tilted.

“Oh, He’s like a different knight to the Knights of Favonius.” Beidou smiles

“Sorta. It’s a lot more complicated than just bein’ a knight but… it’s not worth tryin’ to go into now.” I shrug. “But he loves seein’ pretty places and there have been lots a those here.”

“Well, I hope your trip is fruitful, Mister Boothill.” Kazuha smiles and bows. “It has been interesting to meet you. I wonder if we will meet more wandering people from beyond the firmament.”

“The what?” I look at him, confused.

“The Firmament is the false sky cast by Celestia. You somehow had to have passed through it.”

“But, I’ve got some sensors that can identify other planets from a terrestial location…”

“The stars don’t move like they should.” Kazuha stated. “At least that’s what I’ve been told by some of the immortal beings of this world.”

“What?” I looked up at the sky. “All that is fake?”

“Yeah. It’s strange and a long story to explain what I’ve learned about… everything on my travels.” Aether said then Paimon shouted.

“Bull-chucker! Where are you going?!”

“You best go catch the Oni gentlemen.” Beidou laughed as Shinobu followed Itto off the front of the ship cursing quietly.

“Thanks again Beidou. See you at the Angel’s Share.” Aether waved as he started to run and leap from the bow, Paimon at his shoulder.

“Ma’am.” I tipped my hat before also taking a running leap from the bow. As I fell I engaged my high level targeting systems. Everything in front of me was overlaid with a red grid and I spotted what had drawn the Oni. A small group of hilichurls with a fire in the middle of them.

Landing I rolled and charged towards them. I gave a loud whistle before drawing my gun. As the others looked I hollered at them. “My turn! Get down!”

I aimed as I ran and they dropped. I popped off the six rounds in the cylinder of my gun. Two hilichurls dropped from the headshots but the rest of my shots missed wildly. “Muddle-fudger…” The others finished the rest off easily as I began running diagnostics on my high level targeting systems, which must be what was fucked up by my proprioceptive sensors being fucked. I was gonna have to figure out what the drift was on it when I had the chance, if I had the chance.

“Nice shots Boots!” Itto laughed as I got close.

“I missed four shots Taki. That’s dang shirty in my books.” I shook my head as the overly receded. “My targeting system’s forked up at range. I’m gonna need to spend some time recalibrating the system to deal with the defects…” I chuckled. “I need to do some target shootin’ soon. Basically.”

“Maybe in a couple days.” Aether stated as he gathered some masks from the creatures. I gave him a questioning look. “We won’t be anywhere really good for taking time to do something like that until we get to Liyue. And these are for bounties so we can pay for a room, food and drinks tonight.”

“Not that you need it, right Aether?”

“I’m feeding all of us. I might have mora but I’m still gonna make an effort to keep my purse full.” He chuckled nervously.

“And when we ain’t in town we can always hunt and shirt. I comment as we start up the hill. “Them masks are proof of the kill, I’m guessin’?”

“Yup. The Hilichurls wear them no matter what. The only time they don’t is when their dead.” Taki nodded. Again, Aether seemed uncomfortable with something, but didn’t elaborate.

I didn’t bother pushin’, more distracted by my fuckin’ targeting system’s drift. This was gonna be a problem until I sorted out how bad the fuckin’ thing was off. I could just turn it off, but it had been years since I’d shot without it. Not that I couldn’t shoot without it. I was just…

“Boothill, you gotta check out the view from here!” Taki hollered at me. I crested the top of the cliffside and looked around.

To three sides the ocean stretched out as far as my eye could see. The storm that had forced this change of plans was roilin’and thunderin’ in the distance. On the landbound side of the peninsula was rollin’ hills and little stands of trees peppered over ‘em. It was beautiful and the light breeze blowin’ in off the sea made it feel poetic.

Suddenly I was missin’ the feelin’ of a hand in mine. The sight of that beamin’ red-head’s emerald eyes lookin’ back at me with awe. I pulled out my phone and quietly too a few photos, includin’ a selfie of myself, lookin’ away, hair caught in the breeze that I know ‘Genti will love. Then I noticed the others waitin’ of me. Watchin’ as I did what little I could to make the lonely feelin’ fade.

“It is really forkin’ pretty.” I state as I walk towards them.

“We could tell. Argenti’s going to get to see everything you do, isn’t he?” Shinobu teased and I smiled at her.

“If I had my way he’d be here with me, seein’ it all for himself.” I looked around again. “I’m guessin’ we’re headin’ to those windmills over there?” I pointed off into the distance.

“Yup that would be Monstandt City. The first city I made it to, myself.” Aether smiled. “The people there are really friendly… except one kid, who is overly protective if some pigeons that live on the only bridge into town.”

I gave Aether a confused look. “How over-protective?”

“Disturb them in the slightest and he gets mad. And they fly away just from people walking along the bridge.”

“So there ain’t a way to not upset the kid.”

“He might be in bed by the time we get there Aether.” Shinobu stated. “We’ll be getting their around sundown I think.”

“Oh. Great. Then we just need to worry about him yelling at us when we leave tomorrow.”

I shook my head. “Honestly sounds like that kid has bigger problems then some spooked pigeons. Come on. Y’all said there was a bar and I could really use a drink.”

“Thanks Aether… wine?” I asked as my friend set two glasses in front of me an hour later. One, a whisky I had hoped by price would be at least decent, neat of course, and the second was a glass of white wine that I hadn’t asked for but that seemed to be a popular choice in the Angel’s Share.

“It’s a local specialty. Dandelion wine made about half a day’s walk from here at the Dawn Winery. They own the bar.” Aether smiles. “I figured since you’re going to be seeing so much of Teyvat why not show you some of the local treats.”

“Alright, I woulda preferred a red wine better. I like the bitterness. Still, local goodies like food, drink, and the tales that young fella is singin’ over in the corner there.” I smiled, leaning my chair back on two legs. “This is shapin’ up to be a good night.”

“Ugh. The Tone-Deaf Bard is busy singing. Can’t he just go be somewhere else?!” Paimon complained.

“He ain’t tone-deaf Lil’ Darlin’. Trust me. I’ve heard tone-deaf. He ain’t it.”

Aether laughed. “Paimon and Venti don’t get along.”

“Ah. So that’s the singer’s name. Why don’t you like him Lil’ Darlin?” I applaud as the bard finished.

“He annoys Paimon.” She said, turning her nose up.

“We still can’t figure out what it is. She just finds Venti to be annoying. I think it’s that he doesn’t want money, but drinks.” Aether snickers. Paimon sticks out her tongue.

“Awe don’t be that way Flying Lavender Melon. He’s just some bard in a bar!” Taki laughed, sitting with a big plate of food, a cup of drink in his hand.

“Exactly.” Shinobu added, her own cup of wine full.

Aether gave that enigmatic look again. The one that seemed to know far too much, the one that left me wondering what the young man had seen.

The bard began singing about a knight fighting on a beach and the blood attracting falcons to the area.

“So THAT’S why it’s called the Falcon coast.” Taki said loudly.

I shook my head at the silly Oni. I sipped on the wine. It was cool, light and faintly bittersweet, like a happy memory of people long lost. I sighed, looking at the pale gold wine.

“Good isn’t it?” Aether asked.

“I still like my whisky better, but yeah, it’s pretty good.” I smile. “Reminds me of a couple people I met on Penacony. They would have loved the flavour.” I drank another mouthful, thinkin’ ‘bout the Nameless and the others who helped free all them normal folk from the ‘Sweet Dream’.

I listened as the others talked and laughed around me. Slowly, I finished the wine, my memories of the Dreamscape and the bar there lingering like the sweetness of the wine. Setting the glass on the table I opened my gun and took out a bullet, dropping it in my whisky glass.

“Boothill?” Shinobu looked at me questioningly.

“What?” I looked back with my eyebrow raised.

“Why did you put a bullet in your whisky?”

“Because I know the bar won’t.” I answered plainly.

“Okay, why do you want it there to begin with?” She asked watching me take a sip.

The whisky was strong and smooth, tasting like butterscotch, vanilla and the malt that other planets named it for. It wasn’t as smoky as I normally liked but it was decent. The bullet added a harshness to the finish. I knew I wouldn’t be getting’ any sleep tonight.

“Oh, well, one, like I said before I like the taste of the bullets. Two, it’s somethin’ I picked up on a planet called Labarge, at a bar called The Magee. It’s built in this old barge hull and there they serve whisky in a glass with a frostbitten severed toe.” Everyone at the table gagged. “Yeah. I was disgusted too. Especially when I found out that the rule was, if the toe touched your lips you had to swallow it. I asked if I could put a bullet in instead and I’d show ‘em a party trick. The bartender thought it was weird but let me. I liked the drink and freaked him out by eatin’ the bullet.” I smirked. “He asked if I was one of them Northern Lights, what they called us Galaxy Rangers, I told him I was and he smiled, sayin the drink was…”

I was cut off by a door slammin’ open behind us followed by the shouting of two men.

“I’m not helping you Kaeya! I told you to leave me out of this, and anything to do with those useless knights! I’m not wasting my fucking time with them or with you!” A thin handsome redhead shouted right behind me at the blue haired man who followed him

“Diluc…”

“Oh don’t Diluc me, Kaeya. You know they’re gonna stand around with their thumbs up their ass while I do all the fucking work!” He spun around and jabbed the other man in the chest. “I refuse to put up with it.”

“I just… Diluc!” Kaeya called after the redhead as he stormed out of the bar. “Well, that went as well as I expected.”

“Diluc still pissed off about the knights wanting to search for the “Dark knight Hero” at the Winery?” Aether asked, leaning back to tap the man on the hip.

“When isn’t he pissed off at the Knights?” The blue haired man looked at him and smiled. “Not like he doesn’t have his reasons. How are you doing Aether? And you too Paimon. And who all did you bring to the Angel’s Share tonight?”

“Sit down and I’ll introduce them.” Aether smiled brightly.

“Paimon is worried about master Diluc, but she knows he can take care of himself.” Paimon smiled as Keaya sat down between the blonde and myself.

“Yeah. I just wish he’d trust us, or at least me a little more.” Kaeya sighed. “So, you’re friends? I think I recognize the one with the horns.”

“He’s Arataki Itto, so probably. Next to Itto is his second in command Kuki Shinobu, and to your left is Boothill, a Galaxy Ranger.” Aether gestured around the table. I nodded when he looked at me.

“A Galaxy Ranger? I’ve never heard of them.”

“I ain’t from ‘round here.” I state with a smirk.

“He fell out of the sky from some kind of hole.” Taki stated, grinning. “I found his hat laying on the ground. I put it on, backwards and then got growled at by Boothill to give it back.”

“It’s mine.” I said indignantly. “Forgive me for wantin’ to keep hold of what little I’ve got.”

Kaeya laughed. “Sound like you’ve had an interesting adventure so far Mr. Boothill.”

“It’s just Boothill. No need to be so dang formal with me… Kaeya was it?”

“Yes. Kaeya Alberich, Cavalry Captain of the Knights of Favonius. It’s nice to meet ya.” He smiled and chuckled. “And welcome to Monstandt.”

“Well thank you. It’s mighty nice meetin’ ya as well, Captain Alberich.” I grinned.

“Okay. Fair. You guys going to be in town long?”

“No.” Aether said apologetically. “We’re making our way to Fontaine. Boothill needs to see an expert in Mekas for some repairs.”

Kaeya looked me up and down, stunned. “I didn’t notice you weren’t… ummm…”

“I ain’t entirely human, and I ain’t ashamed of it either.” I beam, takin’ a swig of my whisky. “I’m what we call a cyborg where I’m from. Basically, everythin’ from my neck down cost me a lot of credits to get. But I still got a human head and from what I’ve been told, a human heart and soul. not physically though.” I knock on my chest like I’d seen a cyborg character in an Imersia do once, though my chest didn’t echo. “Aether, can you spot me some cash and I’ll go get us another round a drinks?”

Aether handed me a handful of the strange gold coins and asked for another glass of the wine. I smiled and walked over to the bar. I listened to the room as I waited. It was strange to be somewhere that I didn’t feel the need to watch over my fuckin’ shoulder. I still was because I ain’t an idiot but I didn’t feel like everyone’s eyes were on me. Instead of what I was used to, waitin’ for a fuckin’ fight to start, for guns and the like to start blazin’, I got the drinks for the table and returned to ‘em. No one seemed to even notice me. It was makin’ me fuckin’ paranoid, even if it was comfortable.

Settin’ the drinks down I sat back down. The conversation had turned to how often all of them drink with Aether teasing Kaeya about his habits. Taki was laughing as he turned to me. “What ‘bout you Boots? Much of a drinker?”

“Kinda. Booze makes this body get all jittery like coffee used to do. Think the last time I sat in a bar was back on the Feldspar… so couple a years ago, probably. Mostly I’ll have a couple a sips from my ole hip flask every now and then. Back in the day though, I would drink pretty hard when we were done a mission or just to celebrate whatever. More than one night my dads found me blacked out on the couch when they got up ‘cause I wasn’t makin’ it up the stairs to bed.” I chuckle at the memory of Nick kickin’ my boot to make sure I was actually alive as Greay was cookin’ up some breakfast. “Doin’ farm chores when hungover forkin’ sucks.”

“Mucking out horse stalls, or cleaning wine presses while feeling like that…” Kaeya sighed. “I’ve thrown up that way sooo many times.”

The others all looked at us and chuckled. “At least most places will serve you guys.” Aether grumbled.

“Not our fault you look like your fifteen Aether. Not like you can prove you’re actually five hundred.” Taki teased and Shinobu elbowed him.

“He doesn’t look that young.” She scolded.

“Honestly, back home, they didn’t really care ‘bout age. Mostly, if ya were a kid they’d want an adult with ya, but most little kids ain’t wantin’ the hard stuff. Hell, met lots of adult folk that don’t like it. And people who are gonna be mamas, best if they don’t touch the shirt.” I chimed in, grinnin’.

“Diluc owns a winery, and doesn’t drink.” Aether chuckles.

“He likes pre-wine.” Kaeya jokes, obviously having teased the other man about this before.

“What, grape juice?” Taki asked chuckling.

“Yup. Even when we were kids he liked it. After everything happened for him, when he came back, he stopped drinking. Trusts his master vintner to ensure the quality of the product.” Kaeya tries to hide the sad look on his face, but I see it. I know that feeling and I wonder what both men have been through. I don’t ask, I don’t really wanna talk about it myself.

Aboard the One and Only:

“Fudgin’ lunatic…” He heard the cowboy grumble as he leaned on the bar of the Radiant Feldspar. “Bombs in dolls. Unforkin’ believable.”

“What seems to be troubling you, My Silver Cowboy?” Argenti smiled as he stepped up next to this surprising gentleman.

“I told ya not to call me that Red.” He looked at the knight from under his hat.

“And I would prefer to not be reduced to nothing more than the colour of my hair.”

“Then what the fridge should I call ya, Knight?” He smirked, sharp teeth visible. “Ain’t like ya told me your name?”

“Oh. How improper of me.” The knight seemed scandalized. He then gave a dramatic bow. “I am Argenti of the Knights of Beauty. Please, take this rose as proof of the sincerity of my apology for not being more proper and for taking so long to ask the name of such a crassly charming gentleman as yourself.”

Boothill stared at the display, a single red rose held out to him. “Uh, thanks.” He tenderly took the rose. “My name’s Boothill. Boothill the Galaxy Ranger.”

Argenti could hear the invisible blush in the other man’s semi-electronic voice. “Now, My good ranger, what seems to be vexing you.”

The ranger looked back at the doll in front of him. “Why in the name of Lan’s Arrow would someone hide bombs inside of dolls?”

“She’s a Masked Fool.”

Boothill groaned. “Danged Aha worshippin’ lunatics.”

“You must admit, the dolls are somewhat charming, Boothill.” Argenti smiled, poking the little doll’s cheek.

“Yeah. I’m keepin’ this one for my little girl. She’d have loved it.”

“You have a daughter?” Argenti asked, surprised.

“Had. Long time ago now. I’ll leave this for her the next time I’m home.” Boothill says tiredly, finishing his whisky. “When I’ve killed the Muddle-fudger who took her from me.”

Argenti nodded. “You will achieve your goal Dear Boothill. And may Idrila give you HER blessing.”

Argenti stared at the little doll, tied up like a hostage and attached to the ceiling of his ship over the couch. It made Boothill smile when he’d lay on the couch while he was charging, where Argenti now was. And now, he was thankful for that Masked Fool for helping him get on the right path to his beloved Silver Cowboy.

Chapter Text

I looked myself over in the mirror in the morning light. I had taken the night to get myself cleaned up from everything instead of sleeping. As I had thought, my body was overcharged, and I wouldn’t have been able to fall asleep anyway. So instead, I bathed, washed and polished myself up. I no longer felt like I’d been away from my beautiful knight for a few months. Instead, I could almost imagine him leaning on my shoulder to kiss my cheek and runnin’ his hands through my hair.

Satisfied with my appearance, and not too lonely, I headed back down to the bar to see if they offered some breakfast.

As I trotted down the stairs, with a bit of a spring in my step, I spotted a familiar blue haired head nursin’ a hangover. I headed to the bar, getting myself a coffee and another for the Cavalry Captain, as well as a water for him before headin’ over.

“I told ya not to try’n keep up with me.” I chuckled then offer the two drinks to him. “Be glad I was in a good mood last night or you’d be dead.”

“Archons… how are you this perky?” Kaeya grumbled, barely looking up. “And that shiny?”

“Like I said last night. Booze overcharges my systems and I can’t sleep. So I cleaned myself up. And trust me, I ain’t shiny. My boyfriend, HE’S shiny.” I laugh. “Full on silver and gold plate armour, polished until I can see myself in it.”

“You have… Who am I kidding? I’m talking to someone who claims to be a meka from space. You dating a knight makes just about as much sense as the rest of it.”

“I promise, I ain’t makin’ shirt up.”

“What shirt? That thing you wear is not big enough to be called a shirt.” Kaeya teases, sipping on the water. “But really, you have to know how weird everything you claim is, right?”

“I know. Trust me, bein’ me, it’s all weird. I ain’t even half as weird as some of the other folks I’ve met. Like this one gal I met, she's able to mimic people perfectly. Almost mistook her for someone I knew once.” I shook my head.  “And if I say things like shirt or fork in a weird spot in a sentence, I’m cussin’, not actually meanin’ those words.”

Kaeya stared at me. “So why not…”

“I can’t.” I shrug my shoulders. “Let’s just say part of what makes me what I am got fudged up and now I can’t forkin’ swear, all because some sonofanicelady didn’t like the amount I cuss.” I take a swig of my coffee. “But, some people have told me that it’s how they knew it was the real me. So, I guess that’s helpful.”

Kaeya leaned over and looked at me a bit closer. “I think I might still be dreaming. I drank way too much after fighting with my brother and now I’m hallucinating.”

I bark out a laugh. “Keep tellin’ yourself that Captain Alberich.” I pat his back. “Keep tellin’…” I notice his eye, the one not covered by an eyepatch. It’s… strange. I can’t help myself. “The fork is up with your eye. I ain’t never seen a pupil like that. And what happened to the other one? Did your brother poke it out or somethin’?”

Kaeya chuckled, and reached up. “Right. I guess it is something that still catches people off guard when they notice it. The pupil is a remnant of my heritage.”

“You mean there ain’t just one kind of human here?”

Kaeya nods. “I’m from a place called Khanri’ah. It was another nation that existed until the cataclysm.”

I feel my chest tighten. A cataclysm… another word for “Unknown Disaster”. He must have seen the change in my expression as he touched my hand. “It was five hundred years ago. Though, everyone who survived either became a monster or… is now immortal.”

“Monsters?” I ask.

“Yes. There is some rumor that the Hilichurls are Khanri’ahns. Even if they are, they have long since lost their humanity. And people have tried to see if there is some way to bring them back, but…”

“There ain’t. They’re mindless monsters.” I sigh. “Just like the Mara-struck.”

“As for my left eye.” He said, not even questioning what a Mara-struck was. He hesitated, clearly unsure of if it was a good idea.

“C’mon. I’ll trade ya. Show me yours and I’ll show ya mine.” I grin.

 He then reached up and carefully took his eyepatch off. His left eye was similar to the right one, just golden. Beautifully golden.

“Wow. That’s quite the eye. Do all Khanri’ahns have heterochromia?” I ask, looking at his eye curiously.

“No. but, you know what? That’s enough about me. What about you? You said you’d show me your right eye…”

“Right…” I sighed pushing my hair away from the right side of my face. I watched him grimace.

“What happened?” He asked softly.

“Fire damage in my early twenties, got a little closer than I shoulda to a campfire, and then getting’ clawed at by a chick I was tryin’ to get info out of. I ain’t been able to see outta that eye for a while. I had hoped they’d fix it when I got this body. But they just forkin’ took it. Guess the nerves in it never grew back right so it was kinda useless.” I drop my hair back down and fix it so the whole eye socket is covered again.

“Jeez. I have to admit I wasn’t expecting… well, that.” Kaeya laughed. “Oi, Traveler! Down here!” He shouts up to where the young blond man was searching for something. Probably myself.

“Oh. Hey Kaeya. Boothill. I was just looking for you.”

I chuckle. “I was just grabbin’ a coffee. Y’all gotta relax, I can take care of myself.”

“Well, I was coming to find you to see if you wanted breakfast, but I think you must have already taken care of that.”

“Not really. Just got a couple a coffees and some water for the cavalry captian’s hangover. Actually, speakin’ of Captains, I thought Beidou was gonna be comin’ here.”

“She probably found herself over at the Cat’s Tail instead. It happens.” Kaeya smiled. “Maybe you’ll catch her another time.”

“Like later today!” Paimon squeaks. “We have lots to do before we leave.”

“I’m hoping I can get us to the Winery by nightfall.” Aether smiles.

“Well, could you swing by the headquarters and chat with Jean before you leave since you’re heading out to the Winery anyway? She would really like Diluc to help with things, especially since hilichurl attacks are getting more frequent and there are more Abyss Mages with them. We’re starting to worry about travelers taking the back way to Liuye and he’s on that road. Jean will explain more.” Kaeya nodded as Aether agreed.

“I will swing by while Shinobu gets Boothill signed up with the guild so he can get back to bounty hunting.”

“It sure would be nice. Though, I suspect it’s a lot more monster huntin’ than huntin’ no good crooks and villains.” I smile, showing some teeth.

“It is mostly monsters, but they’re really making it hard to get between the two nations.” Kaeya nodded. “There’s also treasure hoarders out there causing problems. And members of the Fatui are always trying to mess things up. If you really need human bounties that is.”

“Eh. Bounties are bounties. Just used to them mostly being human is all.” I smirked at the blue haired man.

“What, are there no monsters in space?” Itto asked from next to me. I jumped and shook my head at him.

“There’s lots of monsters in space. Some of them could eat this planet as a snack. Hell, I once met a lady who swore Oroborus the Voracity had swallowed the universe and we’re all living in THEIR stomach.” I watched Kaeya cringe. “There’s also the Swarm beetles, they self-replicate, the Mara-struck, who are basically gingko tree zombies, Memory-zone Memes, the Dreamjolt Troupe and Void Rangers of the Anti-Matter Legion, which is what I was fighting when I got knocked through that portal.” I look at the others, smirking. “The rest are true monsters. Humans out harmin’ the innocent and weak, instead of helpin’ ‘em get on their feet. Or worse, kickin’ ‘em down then stompin’ on their hands when they try to stand for themselves.”

“Jeez. That just makes the Fatui and the Abyss seem so much more… simple.” Paimon says, looking me in the eye. “There must be lots of good guys too, right?”

I laugh. “You forkin’ bet! Most places have groups that do good within the confines of their own planets and then there are those of us who ain’t tied to one place. Ya got us Galaxy Rangers like me who Hunt for justice, the Xianzhou Alliance who Hunt the abominations of the Abundance, the Knights of Beauty, ‘Genti’s folks, who search for Idrila the Beauty and help all those they encounter as acts to prove THEIR existence, and of course the Nameless Trailblazers of the Astral Express who remind me a lot of you Aether, travelin’ and doin’ good wherever they can. And of course there’s the IPC. Bunch of greedy, colonizin’ sonsofniceladies! They’re a forkin’ problem. Kinda like them damned beetles, just everywhere and almost impossible to get rid of.” I take a swig of my coffee. I notice that Shinobu had gone to get the others some food while I yacked away. They were almost done as I finished my coffee.

“Well then. It sounds like bounty hunting here should be a cakewalk for you. Take care out there Boothill.” Kaeya smiled as he excused himself to likely go start his day as a knight. “I hope Teyvat continues to be kind to you.”

“Thank you kindly, Kaeya. I hope you get things sorted out with your brother someday. Family ain’t easy to replace. I should know.” I say before I can think better of stopping myself. He nods and Aether looks at me.

“How do you get people to open up so easily?”

“Pardon?” I ask, kinda surprised.

“Kaeya was telling you about his heritage and family. He keeps that stuff close to the chest. How’d you manage it?”

“Probably just because I ain’t from here so I ain’t a threat. I don’t know the first thing about half a what he was sayin’, so what would I be able to do with it.”

“Sell it to the highest bidder.” Paimon stated plainly. “Though, I don’t think you would do that because of the whole justice seeking thing.”

I nod. “So, when are we gettin’ outta here?”

An hour later I was watchin’ Aether head towards a huge church that apparently housed the knights. Or their headquarters was near it… I couldn’t remember. I was more focused on the fact I was gonna have to deal with one of the things I hated almost as much as I hated the IPC. Paperwork.

“It’s not much paperwork Boots. Takes maybe five minutes.”

“Yeah, but I struggled with even writin’ my name BEFORE the robot hands. And letters seem to do funny little jigs when I try to put ‘em together. It’s just frustratin’ is all. And kinda embarrassing.”

“And no one cares. Especially the Katherynes.”

“Wait, Katherynes? As in there’s more than one? What is this, a game where you catch and train monsters?” I ask confused, lookin’ at Shinobu. She just stared back at me like I was the crazy one.

“Yes, there’s more than one Katheryne. They man the Adventurers Guild kiosks.”

“And they might be Mekas. I swear I heard one say “rebooting”. Whatever that means.”

“It’s when you shut down and then start up a computer. Generally, it’s used if you had an error occur that you ain’t able to fix easily. And yes, I can reboot if I gotta. It’s just… a weird feelin’ cause I can’t tell how much time has passed for the first bit. Not that I can tell how time is measured here. At some point I’ll need to calibrate that.” I state, hands behind my head.

“It’s been nearly a week since we met and I still can’t figure out how you’re real.” Taki muttered.

“A bit more than a week I think. And most people ain’t managed to figure me out yet. Even the ones I’ve known for years. Then again, I really ain’t the strangest forker out there.”

“You keep saying that.” Shinobu points out.

“Yeah, so who’s someone weirder?” Itto asks.

“Well, one of my fellow rangers, gal named Rappa for instance. She’s got a memetic infection that makes her talk in a way that relates everythin’ to bein’ a ninja. Calls me Silver Gun Shura and calls her abilities her “Ninjitsus”. She makes me look sane.” I laugh. “She was also raised on a space station, genetically modified to be a perfect human, stronger, more durable and significantly more intelligent than the average person. The man who raised her got her into ninjas. He eventually turned his back on the Doctor who he followed and called us Rangers in to save her because he said that she wasn’t proof of his theory and his co-worker wanted to kill her. Heck, there was a rumor ‘bout us Galaxy Rangers at one time that Dr. Primitive had us all on an island, regressed back into gibbons!” I shook my head. I realized that about half of what I’m yappin’ ‘bout was just gonna go over their heads but at least they didn’t tell me to shut it.

“Regress back? But… humans were made from primordial sea water. There’s no other state that they were before.” Shinobu blinks. “At least that’s what we’ve all been told here. Is it different in other places?”

“Well, in most places, humans evolved from primates, monkeys mainly.” I explain, smilin’. “And that’s what this forkin’ Dr. Primitive was doin’ to folks. Turnin’ ‘em all back. One of his… disciples managed to get me to mentally regress to about thirteen when I dealt with ‘em a few years ago. Didn’t last long but it was weird while it did. Got me to stop wanting to drink or take revenge... But it took me maybe five minutes after they stopped tryin’ to pump my head fulla their shirt to over come it.”

“Boots, why is it that every time I think you’ve said the weirdest thing I’ll ever hear, you come back and say something weirder?”

I laugh. “You think I got an answer? I’ve lived all this bullshirt and I still ain’t figured out even a third of it. I just try to survive it most of the time. Let the brainiacs figure the who, what and why later.”

They led me over to a small kiosk where a woman, who looked like some rich fucker’s maid, was standing and waiting patiently. I could see a robotic manner to it. She didn’t seem to shift her weight like a person would, or even blink. She just smiled as we got close.

“Ad astra abyssosqeu! Welcome to the Adventurers Guild!” She said. Her voice seemed mildly board, but not blatantly so. Shinobu smiled back.

“Good morning. I’d like to help my friend sign up as a freelance adventurer like Aether please.”

The blue eyed woman blinked. “Adventurer Aether is a special exception, due to his not being originally from Teyvat.”

“Boots isn’t from around here either.” Itto stated. “He fell outta a hole in the sky!”

She looked at the oni then at me. “Can you confirm this?”

“Dang right I can.” I pull my phone out.

“What is this?” She asked looking at it.

“A communication device. It’s not workin’ right, probably cause of the fake sky. But I figure between that and my understandin’ of what ya are might be enough to prove my validity.” I said leaning in. She was pretty. Made me think of lots of the girls back home. Girls were never really my thing but that didn’t mean I didn’t notice ‘em.

“What to you mean what I might be?”

“You reboot. Itto told me he heard one of ya say it before. And that all the kiosks have a Katheryne. You’re a robot.”

“I am a bionic puppet actually.” She corrected me in that same pleasant but bored tone.

“Ah, more like an intellitron than a robot. Fair. I’m a cyborg. Mostly machine with some human bits mixed in.”

“Interesting. I think I may be able to assist you in receiving a membership similar to The Traveler. You will need to complete one commission to prove your abilities and have the Traveler Aether vouch for you.” She smiled. “First, you will need to fill out this paperwork. Will you be traveling to other countries or staying here in Monstandt?”

“Travelin’. I’m hopin’ to eventually get back to Penacony and my mission out in space. Till then I need somethin’ to bring in a little money. Mora? Whatever.”

She smiled and slid a small stack of pages and a dip pen and ink over. I sighed and Shinobu leaned against me. “If you get stuck, I can help. No judgement, I promise.”

As I was finishing with the paperwork Aether caught back up to us. I was alerted to his presence by a voice squeakin’ over my shoulder. “Wow, you weren’t lying about how bad your writing is!”

“PAIMON!”

“What? It’s so messy Paimon can’t even read it! Paimon has seen kids with nicer printing.”

“I ain’t opposed to bitin’ ya, Lil’ Darlin’.” I snarled at her to cover my embarrassment at her callin’ out the illegibleness of my printing. Shinobu patted my arm gently.

“Ad astra abyssosqeu! Welcome to the Adventurers Guild, Traveler Aether, Paimon.”

“Good morning Katheryne. I see you’ve met Boothill.”

“Yes. I need you to verify his identity and intentions.”

“You know as much as I do.” The blond chuckled softly. “Boothill is the name he gave us when he woke up in Inazuma. As for intentions, he wants to get back to some place called Penacony, which is either a city or a country in space and back to his boyfriend.”

“A really pretty redhead named Argenti!” Paimon added.

Katheryne nodded and took the papers from me. She took a moment to read over them and then stamped several pages before handing me a small book that matched the green on her outfit. “Here you are. Once you have completed a commission we will finish the process.”

“We’ll find some Hilichurls on our way to Liuye and turn it in there.” Aether smiled. “Speaking of which, if you’re done with Boothill…”

She nodded and Aether turned in several masks and stated where we had taken them out. She looked at the mask that had a hole in the middle of its forehead. Aether pointed to me and explained my weapon. She nodded and took the masks before handing him a purse heavy with coins before wishing us farewell.

As we approached the gates Aether handed me a rucksack with a smile. “This way you can carry more gear if you need to.”

“And have a place to store some food, other supplies we find on the roadside and those masks and shirt, right?”

“Exactly!” Paimon beamed. “Because you like helping out and not making other people do your work.”

“You need to apologize Paimon.”  Shinobu stated flatly.

“But Paimon was just stating the truth.” She whined.

“It don’t matter. I’ve heard it my whole life anyway. All that matters is that I’m good with a gun. I ain’t the brains of any operation.” I state flatly. Not looking at her. “Just the muscle.”

“Wow. Jeez Paimon didn’t realize you’d take it so badly.” Paimon scoffs then looks at me. “Oh. Paimon is sorry Boots. Paimon didn’t realize it would make you so upset. Paimon really is sorry.”

“Don’t. If you’re just apologizin’ to make me not be upset, don’t forkin’ bother. If you ain’t bein’ sincere, I don’t fudgin’ wanna hear it.” I took a deep breath. It wasn’t worth being mad at her. “Besides. Yours must be worse.”

They all stopped for a second as I let myself smile slightly.

“Oh you…” she puffed up her cheeks and I started laughing.

Chapter Text

My laugh scares pigeons. We figured this out as we left, crossing the bridge out of Monstandt City, and found the kid Aether had mentioned trying to figure out where they had all gone off to. It was kinda sad and made me wonder again where his parents were. However Aether assured me that he was fine and that this was seemingly normal for him.

Otherwise, the majority of the day was uneventful. Hell, it was kinda fuckin’ boring actually. My mood was still a bit sour from Paimon’s teasin’ but she was tryin’ to make up for it. Mostly by just hangin’ out on my shoulder and askin’ whatever came to mind.

“So why is your hair black and white?”

“I dunno. Why’s yours white?” I shrug, bouncin’ her.

“Cause it’s white.” She shrugs. “And yours has always been like that too?”

“Yup! Black was fairly common back home but my dads said they figured it was the snow that made my hair white.”

“What would snow have to do with that?” Shinobu asked, her arms crossed behind her head.

“I was found in the middle of winter, dang near buried in the snow as a baby, in one of Nick and Greay’s fields. They took me in and raised me.” I smiled.

“Yeah, you mentioned being adopted.” Taki grinned.

“So you were a foundling?” Shinobu stated. “You must have been a very lucky child.”

“Not anymore so than anyone else. Heck, in some ways I was real unlucky. Remember, I had a guy I thought was hot kick my teeth in. But, I liked guys who were rough fellas. My dad, Nick, said I liked broken birds. Pa said it was their bad attitudes I liked.”

“Which was it?” Paimon looked at me.

“I liked guys like myself. Ones with personality and weren’t afraid to be themselves.” I grinned. “And redheads. Always liked a fiery redhead.”

“Hence the knight.” Aether smirked.

“Yeah. That and even though he comes across as a real weirdo at first, he’s passionate and driven. Kinda like me. He just dedicates himself to the path of Beauty instead of The Hunt. If he was more interested in justice, he’d be a better ranger than I forkin’ am!” I laughed again.

“And that’s why you two work. You’re both mental!” Taki laughed.

“Yup. Or as I told my buddy Stelle once, We’re both clad in silver, both packing heat and the cherry on top we’re oozin’ with righteousness.”

“Who’s Stelle?” Paimon asked. “You’ve never mentioned them before.”

“I guess you’re right Lil’ Darlin’. I ain’t mentioned their names. She’s one of ‘em Nameless. The Trailblazers of the Astral Express. Real good folk. Like I said before, they’re all kinda like Aether. Hell, they even have a fluffy little buddy who refers to himself in the third person.”

“A fluffy little buddy?” Shinobu raised an eyebrow.

“Yup. His name’s Pom-Pom. He looks like a bunny. Not much bigger than Paimon either. He’s the conductor. Hiemiko is their navigator, and,” I whistle. “She is one hell of a looker.”

“Redhead, right.” Taki teased and I nodded.

“And sharp as a tack. She fixed that train up and got it back on its silver rails. She then found Welt Yang, who basically acts like the dad on the Express. Then Dan Heng their guard and archivist, then March 7^th who named herself for the day they got her cute butt thawed and finally the Stellaron twins Stelle and Caelus. They were Stellaron Hunters, followers of the Finality, before havin’ their memories wiped and one of ‘em, no ones sure which, had a tiny star bomb thing shoved into their chest…” I grin, the memory of the last time I saw them, back at Paperfold University makin’ me wanna laugh. “I might have a picture of ‘em. Give me a sec.”

“They must be important if you keep their pictures on your device.”

“Not really. The fact I could pick ‘em out of a crowd and remember who they are is the real sign. My memory module ain’t the best one on the market so I gotta be careful to not overload it. They’re worth rememberin’ though.” I pull up their photo and show the others. “So, pink hair in the blue in March. Behind her with the really blue eyes is Dan. On either side is Stelle and her twin Caelus and the girl with the horns on her hat is my buddy Rappa.”

“The ninja girl! Her horns make her look like an oni!” Taki laughed. “I wanna meet her, Boots! You think you could get her to come here?”

“Dependin’ on who all figures out I'm here, she might just show up.” I chuckle. “Hell, if she does, she’ll probably try to get Shinobu to train her!”

“Why?”

“’Cause you look like a ninja and she likes bein’ around those she thinks have “strong Ninjitsu.” I figure if anyone fits that…”

“Yeah, you’d make one hell of a ninja Shinobu!” Taki exclaimed. “Especially since you’re more observant than any of us.”

Shinobu stopped and didn’t say anything, just stared down at the path ahead of us, provin’ her boss’s point. There, just in in front of us, were several bouncing… blobs.

“Right. The cryoslime nest.” Aether commented. “Come on. Their condensate is something the guild collects. And they’re another problem making travel this way an issue.” He draws his sword as both Itto and Shinobu draw their weapons as well.

“Slimes?” I ask skeptically, loading my gun. “They look almost harmless.”

Then one hopped up and slammed into my chest. The freezing cold burned in a way I thought I’d never feel again and I understood the issue. “Forkin’ thing!” I blasted three rounds into it. My bullets passed through it like ballistic jelly. “Fudgin’ shirtballs!”

“Got something bludgeoning? Tends to work better on them!” Taki shouted, swingin’ his sword as it shifted into the massive club his powers created. The other two seemed to mostly be using their abilities instead of their blades.

So I punted one toward Taki. He laughed and struck it and it burst!

“Alright! Givin’ the intergalactic baseballers a run for their credits! C’mon Taki we can have some real fun!”

It didn’ take long for us to kick the shit outta them, literally. Being elemental slime clearly meant they weren’t very smart. Just hoppin’ and bouncin’ around, attackin’ us. The last one tried to hop on me from behind and I gave it a real good boot fuckin’ and sent it flying over the nearby hill.

“What the fuck?!” I heard someone shout after the satisfying splat of the slime impacting something. Then I heard the same voice growl out. “Flames, PURGE!” And a huge firebird suddenly rolled over the end of the path straight towards me!

“WHAT THE FUDGE!?” I backed away as quickly as I could. “SORRY!”

Aether laughed. “It’s fine Boothill. He wasn’t aiming at you.”

A moment later a man in a red jacket, silver waistcoat and black dress shirt appeared from the same direction as the flames had. His red hair held in a high ponytail making him almost look different from the man who had been ripping the shit outta his brother the night before. Almost.

“Aether?” He stopped. “Who the fuck sent that Cryoslime flying into my head?” He growled. The end of his ponytail, which ended at his midback, was frozen.

“Again, Sorry.” I say, tryin’ not to stare. Fuck… I really do have a thing for red-heads…

He just stares at me for a moment. Then he points his massive fuckin’ sword at me, like I’d normally do with my gun. “Who the hell are you?”

“I'm Boothill, a Galaxy Ranger.” I smirked, hands on my hips, and head held proud.

“A galaxy…” he turned away from me and looked at Aether. “Aether… What the fuck?”

“He’s not from Teyvat, Diluc. He’s also not a fan of the Fatui. They make him think of a group he works against out there.”

Diluc looked back at me skeptically. “And why is he here?”

The others began telling the red-head about me as he started walking back the way he came. Our little posse followed him, Aether seeming to want to head in that direction anyway. Not that I really cared. I was busy trying to not think about how his hair was only a few shades darker than ‘Genti’s or how nice his voice was… or how strong he’d have to be to swing that fuckin’ sword around all day…

“Boots, Teyvat to Boots!” Taki bumped my shoulder. “You already have a boyfriend.”

“Yup. I do. Definitely got a hot as fudge knight already who forkin acts like I hung the stars in the sky.”

“Not that you wouldn’t want a piece of Dark Knight Hero on the side?” The oni teased and I smacked his arm.

“Shut it Taki!” I glared at the oni then remembered something said that morning. “Wait, so you’re the guy them knights are tryin’ to find?”

The red-head looked at me, an eyebrow raised. “And if I was?”

“Then they ain’t hearin’ it from me.” I smirked. “Just tryin’ to put thin’s together is all. I feel like it’s gonna be a lotta meetin’ people and tryin’ not to fry my memory module with all the info I’m takin’ on board.”

“You…” He just blinked at me cofused for a moment. “I’m going to assume everything you just said would make sense where you’re from and move on. I’m guessing you were heading to the winery?”

Aether nodded. “I had hoped we might spend the night. We’re heading to Liyue in the morning.”

“You could just walk another hour after the winery and make Liyue tonight.” The redhead smirked. “Or do you have plans to stop at the Wangshu Inn and visit a certain adeptus?”

All of a sudden Aether started tryin’ to make tomatoes jealous of his face’s colour. Taki and I looked at each other, tryin’ not to chuckle or ask who the redhead meant. Paimon giggled but said nothing.

“We figured Boothill would prefer to stay in places where he could have a roof over his head.” Shinobu stated from behind us. I bit my lip, figurin’ it would be better not to correct her. especially if it meant I might get to enjoy… I had to stop myself again as I remembered my boyfriend who was probably worryin’ his roses to death ‘bout my bein’ missin’.

“Sure.” The redhead chuckled again. “You’re just dragging this guy to all your favourite places. It has nothing to with your boyfriend.”

“He’s not my boyfriend!” Aether whined.

“Yet.” I smirked and earned a smirk from the redhead in return.

The smaller blonde suddenly turned to me and with a devilish grin to rival the gambler’s or my own, he raised his eyebrow. “And how long did it take you to ask your redheaded knight out?”

“I… He… HEY! That ain’t fair!” I struggled as my friends laughed. “I had to deal with his forkin’ religious guilt, and that dang order’s rules and figurin’ out if he was even allowed to have a boyfriend in the first place you ashvole!”

Diluc seemed to frown slightly. There was no fucking way I was seeing that right. Yet, when I watched him, he seemed like he was trying to not notice my noticing him as he held the door to the handsome manor open. A pretty young woman hurried to the door and looked at the vintner confused. “Master Diluc? I thought you were… going out for the evening?”

“Yes, well, Aether and his friends have changed my plans. Could you prepare something for us for dinner, Adelinde.”

“Of course, sir.” The blonde woman smiled brightly. “How about sticky honey roast?”

“That will be good. And make more than one. I get the feeling Masters Aritaki and Boothill will eat more than myself. And then there is Paimon.” He chuckles.

“Right away, Master Diluc!” She hustles off, smiling.

Aboard the One and Only.

Argenti awoke with a cry. The dream had been one he had suffered for as long as he could remember. Bombs, explosions, the fear of losing his parents… he wiped the tears from his eyes. These were the nights that he always missed his beloved cowboy. He was always quick to answer a call, unless he was hunting, but that was understandable. And when they were together, Boothill was always right there, waking him up, comforting him, holding him…

“Come on ‘Genti. Wake up. It’s just a dream.” The silverclad cyborg shook him gently. The knight shot up, gasping, fighting down a scream. “Hey, it’s just me, Argenti. Just ole Boothill.”

“Oh Idrila… my goddess…” The knight panted. “I do apologize for waking you. You need not worry about me.”

“You were screamin’ and cryin’ in your sleep ‘Genti. I’m gonna worry ‘bout what has you scared.”

“It is nothing to concern yourself with dear Cowboy. Just old memories.” He forced a smile. “Ones that have helped to lead me to seek Idrila.”

“Alright. You ain’t gotta tell me.” He smiled at the knight. “Are you going to be able to fall back to sleep?”

The knight opened his mouth then looked into the one visible eye of his companion. “No. I will likely slip back into that terrible place. I should just start on my morning routine.”

“’Genti, you went to bed an hour ago. You do that, you might as well have never gone to begin with.”

He sat up further, looking at his phone. Sure enough, Boothill was telling the truth. He flopped back down. “It shall be a sleepless night then.”

“You know what, I got an idea.” Boothill said before physically hauling Argenti out of his bed. The knight sputtered behind him as he was dragged to the main part of his own ship.

“What are you doing Boothill?” The knight asked, tiredly allowing a small amount of annoyance to slip into his voice.

Boothill looked up from his phone with a smile. Not a big grin like he usually gave, but an honest and gentle one. “Findin’ a good song for dancin’ to. It’s what my Pa used to do when my Dad would have night terrors. He’d drag him to the kitchen so as not to wake us, and then they’d dance until my Dad’s dreams ‘bout the men he'd killed before they hooked up would go away.” He clicked his phone and a soft, sweet sounding song that Argenti had never heard started playing. “Pa would sing before they got the Victrola. It ain’t the music from home, but it’s good enough.”

“I’ve never danced Boothill.” Argenti’s eyes went wide as the cowboy pulled him in, holding his waist with one arm and his hand with the other.

“That’s alright ‘Genti. This ain’t about bein’ perfect. It’s about physically movin’ and focusin’ on something that ain’t whatever’s in your head.”

Argenti went to speak but then the cyborg gently pulled him.

“I got’cha ‘Genti. Focus on me and follow along.”

After a few minutes the knight loosened up and began moving with the cowboy. The music had bass and a lot of string instruments that Argenti had never heard, but he loved music so it was easy to let himself focus on that. The movements were simple. Mostly like walking, though Boothill counted softly in a short rhythm. Four songs in and the pain of his dreams faded. Eight songs, he was smiling again. Eventually he stopped caring how long they had been dancing and Boothill smiled at him happily.

All that was missing this time was the cowboy. The dancing helped, even if it felt strange to do it alone. It made it so Argenti didn’t want to call his father, to check if he lived, just to be berated for not being the child his father desired, the perfect knight he acted like. He eventually stopped, but texted his beloved to tell him he was dearly and sorely missed.

Chapter Text

The sky was definitely fake. My sensors registered that the star meant to represent Aeragan-Epharshel hadn’t moved in the week or so I’d been there. Nor had the moon’s phase changed. It remained full and bright as it shone down on the fields of the Vineyard. I’d also noticed how the stars seemed to form rings when you stared straight up. Which I’d never seen on any other planet.

“The stars here are said to hold the fate of everyone on Teyvat.” A handsome voice spoke from next to me. Turnin’ my head, I saw Diluc standin’ next to me lookin’ over his land. He had the red coat off, but the rest of his outfit was still in place. “My constellation is shaped like an owl.”

“You have a constellation all to yourself?” I asked looking back up. “That feels like a lot.”

He shrugs. “Not really. Most constellations are only six stars, so, it isn’t much.”

“I heard once that everyone had six mirror shards that reflected ‘em in the eyes of Idrila. Together they're supposed to show your perfect self. Guess this must be similar then.”

He hummed noncommittally. “What are you doing outside without your… top?”

“’Genti and I both switch, dependin’ on the night.” I chuckle.

“I meant that spit of fabric you call a jacket, you Jackass.” Diluc snickered.

“I was overheatin’ so I figured I’d come and look at the stars. The others are obsessed with sleepin’ indoors. I’d actually rather be campin’ if I’m honest.” I lied. I’d actually been dreamin’ ‘bout him, and ‘Genti… me bein’ in the middle of them…

“I had wondered if they’d even asked you about that.” He shifted closer. I could feel my fans kick on and hoped that they weren’t too loud.

“Yeah. I actually prefer sleepin’ under the stars. Doesn’t feel as fake as an inn does. Your manor’s pretty dang nice though. Makes me miss my old homestead.”

He nodded. The silence was surprisingly comfortable between us.

“I’m not interested in any sort of relationship.”

I blinked. How in the heavens…

“Most people make comments about feeling at home here because they wanting to… be with me.”

“Ah, well, I got ‘Genti who’s probably comin’ for me…”

“But you were thinking about it.” He smiled.

I shrugged. “You’re good lookin’ and, I might not be traditionally alive, but I sure as hell ain’t dead either.” I smiled at him. “Could ya blame me for wantin’ to ask?”

“No. Especially since you have been rather polite about it. Thank you for not making a fuss about me being… odd.”

“You ain’t odd. You ain’t even the first person I’ve met who ain’t one for romantics or relationships or sex. Just the way some folks are. Hell, one of my brothers was the same way. Just, be aware that you are a bit of a flirt.”

“I don’t flirt.” Diluc raised an eyebrow at me, and I couldn’t help but laugh.

“You forkin’ flirt as much as I do. It’s the little smiles and shirt that you give when you enjoy someone’s company. You kept glancin’ at me and givin’ these sweet little looks and blushin’ and shirt.” I patted his back. “My sister taught me what to do to get someone to notice ya and you were doin’ it all. Even the mirrorin’.”

He chuckled again; this time it felt like it was more at himself than at me. “Just how many siblings do you have Boothill?”

“Five. I was the youngest too.”

“Fuck me… Well, now your concern about Kaeya makes sense.”

“Yeah, I had three brothers and two sisters.” I smile, feeling that familiar twist in my chest. “Them, my fathers, and I were close.”

“It was just my father, Kaeya and myself. Until my father was murdered and Kaeya… it’s not important. I still struggle with getting along with him.”

“Dang. Now it makes sense why you can’t stand your brother. Death can make ya hate someone so easily.”

“That it can.” Diluc agreed quietly. I could feel that I hadn’t gotten to the real reason he hated the other man, but I could also feel that digging wouldn’t be worth the pain I’d probably cause him.  Instead, we both looked up at the unmoving stars. “You said the stars move where you’re from. That must be strange.”

“Not really. It’s just as weird as the fact that they don’t move here.” I smile. He really is quite handsome as he continues to look up. I look back up as well. “If ‘Genti does show up, his ship ‘ill look like a shootin’ star.”

“Really?” Diluc looked at me and I smiled.

“Yeah. The heat of the air rubbin’ on the ship will make a whole bunch a fire and then boom, one fake shooting star. He loves that it looks like that.” I chuckle as I watch Diluc look back up at the fake sky. I lean back and look up again as well. “Even if it’s fake, the sky here is really pretty.”

“It is.” He smiles and starts tracing something. “That’s interesting.”

“What?

“Nothing, Boothill. I was just tracing some of the constellations. My father showed them to me when I was younger and now, I like to do it when I’m missing him.” He smiles at me and I nod.

“My dad’s taught me the ones on my home world.” I point to the same dot I had shown the others. “There, Aeragan-Epharshal.”

“I had wondered where you came from up there. Well, we should both probably consider going back to bed.”

Again, I chuckle. “Yeah. The last time I stayed up all night I wasn’t exactly the friendliest person to be around.” I hold the door open for him, still checking him out as he walked past me. He may not be interested but that didn’t mean I couldn’t appreciate the beauty. ‘Genti was gonna tease me so badly about this when he found out.

“Good night Boothill. And thank you again for not making things awkward between us.”

“You’re welcome Diluc. Honestly, if I am stuck here, I would like to come and help ya, if you’d want it.” I beam and he nods.

“I will keep it in mind.” He states as I head for the stairs.

Immediately, I notice that he doesn’t follow me. He had earlier, his bedroom being on the same floor as the guest rooms. Once I reached the top I stopped and looked back. Below me I heard the sound of china clattering softly. Not like it fell or was dropped, but being moved quickly, and being set on a table. Then, I heard Diluc speaking quietly. Having enhanced hearing, I could understand his every word.

“Alice, I know you’re listening. I saw new constellation tonight and met someone from one of the stars in it. I know that sounds crazy but I think you need to get Mona or her master to look into this. He’s a traveler, like Aether. They’re heading to Fontaine.”

Chapter Text

“So that’s why I ain’t seen a forkin’ horse anywhere. I mean, it ain’t all that unusual to not seem ‘em but then Kaeya calls himself a Cavalry Captain. I figured they’d have to be somewhere. Forkin’ shame they’re probably all dead by now.”

Diluc sighed. “Aether hasn’t seen Varka or anyone from the knights who is a member of the group he took. I’ve tried to convince them about this but, they are as stupid as they are useless.”

Aether leaned next to me and looked at Diluc. “Jean’s still tied up by Varka’s orders isn’t she?”

Diluc nods. “She does her best. Not many others there who I can say that about.” He looks at me from the corner of his eye. “Hopefully not all the knights in the universe are as useless as they are.”

“Well, kinda hard to compare cows and chickens there Diluc.” I chuckle. “Your knights are supposed to handle crime and shirt. My ‘Genti, he’s meant to be findin’ a lost Aeon. He’s always lookin’ for her though. No matter what is goin’ on around him.”

“So, even when he’s fighting, or when you two are…?” Taki asked next to me and I glared.

“Yeah, even then. Anythin’ he can call “Beauty” is somethin’ that might give a clue. Even bein’ in bed with me.” I shake my head. Leave it to the oni to make me feel awkward.

Diluc smirked. “Well, it sounds like he really is more motivated that the lazy fucks in the knights here.”

“Hell yeah. He’s gotta be. He ain’t got anyone hounding after him, so he’s gotta make himself do it. It’s part a what makes our whole thing surprisin’. Two loners choosin’ to make somethin’ more of a connection when we can.”

“And it sounds like it’s become a lot more of a connection than either of you planned.” Diluc smiled.

“Yeah, I don’t think either of… Miss Adelinde? What can we do for ya?”

“Oh, thank you for your kind offer, our dear guest, however that would be most inappropriate to ask.” She curtseys to me, then turns to her boss. “I am sorry to interrupt your conversation but…” There was a loud crash. “Venti showed up this morning and well…”

Diluc sighed and pinched the bridge of nose. “I’m gonna kill him. Damn drunk archon…” He grumbled as he walked toward the sound of the crash.

“I do apologize, dear guests.”

“It’s alright Adelinde.” Aether smiled.

“Yeah Miss, We’ll just take that as our cue to hit the road. Thank ya kindly for your hospitality as well. Y’all’ve been mighty kind.”

Adelinde giggled softly. “You’re very welcome Mister Boothill. It’s been our pleasure. I do hope we will see you all again.”

Itto chuckled as we started along the road, following the base of a cliff. “Did he say he was going to kill an archon?”

“Yeah…” Aether gave a nervous chuckle.

“Wait, wasn’t the “Tone Deaf Bard” Named Venti?” I ask.

“Yes, he’s the archon of Monstandt.” Aether sighs.

“And now he’s gonna owe Diluc for the wine he’s probably stolen.” Piamon chuckled.

“So… How far to our next destination?” Itto smiled, clearly wanting to not think about how Paimon had been insulting an archon.

“Most of the day. I figure we should stop at the Wangshu Inn for the night.” Aether's smile brightens. “They’re fantastic. One of the best restaurants this side of Fontaine.”

“It’s a good thing I ain’t able to get fat.” I laugh. “But, do we really gotta stay in another Inn?”

“Is that a problem?” Shinobu asked, looking at me with that concerned look that made me wonder if she was worried or didn’t trust me.

“I just… I don’t enjoy always stayin’ in ‘em.”

Itto turned and looked at me. “Why? Isn’t it more comfortable to sleep in a bed and have a roof over you to keep you warm and dry. Kinda like being at home.”

“I ain’t had a home to call my own for about sixteen years. Not anythin’ real anyway.” I sigh. I might as well give them this much, so they’ll maybe leave me alone about it.  “One of the things I get jealous ‘bout, is seein’ folks with their own place who don’t appreciate what they got. And Inns, they just wipe ya away ,,'- ya leave. There ain’t nothin’ to go back to if ya find yourself wanderin’ back in after ya leave.”

They all stared at me. I could feel the sympathy, the pity, in their eyes.

“Y’all can stop tryin’ to pity me.” I face them. “I told y’all my life ain’t pretty. I ain’t had it good for a long time.”

“But you did have it good at one time.” Itto said. “Those memories must be what keeps you going.”

“Yeah. Well, those memories and knowin’ that I’m tryin’ to make the universe a bit better than I found it.” I look up at the sky, watchin’ the near imperceptible brightening of the day as the sun continued to creep up off the horizon. “’Genti’s always sayin’ how what I do is beautiful. Sometimes, it’s hard to remember why I’m the way I am. Sometimes, it’s harder to look back at why I became who I am.”

“If you ever need to talk brother…” Itto places his hand on my shoulder. “You know we’ll listen.” I nod. Then I hear something that makes me stop. Itto looks in the same direction as me. Then Shinobu stops a few paces away followed by Aether.

“Why are you all stopping?” Piamon asked, zipping in front of Aether. He turned her in the air to look at we had all noticed. A strange round machine, with disproportionately long arms and heavy footfalls was walking toward the path.

“The fudge…”

“Ruin Guard.” Aether said flatly. “Must have wandered here from Stormterror’s Lair.”

“It’s a robot.” I blink. Aether nods.

“These are tougher than hilichurls and mitichurls. Even some of the strongest warriors I’ve met struggle to take one down on their own.”

“Think you can give us a run down on 'em Aether, as I'd bet you've taken down your fair share of these walkin' tin cans, haven't ya?"

He chuckled then started explaining about their weak points and the way they fight as I loaded my gun.

“Okay so, they’re capable of ranged attacks, attack anythin’ within a certain proximity, fire rockets, spin to crowd control and ain’t very fast.”

“Yes.”

“Then what we waitin’ for.” I smirk and start moving towards the machine.

“Boothill!” Paimon shouts and the others start following. The machine turns at the sound of her voice.

As it begins to stomp towards me I hear it speak. “Halt. Procced no further.” It’s voice is distorted and strange. So is the fact my beacon translated it. “Halt. This area is off limits.”

“It sounds like an Aurumaton.” I mutter out loud, then smirk. “Bring it on.”

As I continued to approach, my advanced targeting system engaged, switching to detect the Ruin Guard’s attack patterns as Aether had explained them. I could hear the others start running up as the machine stopped and planted it’s arms. As the rocket’s launched, I started running, and laughing. I watched the rockets and started up the calibration on my system. I dodged a few of the rockets with near misses then shout to Itto to dodge left ten meters, causing the rocket aimed at him to miss.

“Holy shit!” He looked at the crater shocked. “Good call! Thanks Boots!”

“Boss! Don’t just stand there!” Shinobu yelled as we converged on the machine.

I continued shouting out when the others should dodge and stayed back a little ways, constantly trying to keep the machine’s focus on me. As the fight progressed the calibration on my targeting began to sort itself out and I found my hands responding better to my head than they had in days. The rigidity in my left shoulder seemed to be helping and the repair seemed to be holding up well to frequently using my trick shot. What didn’t seem to help was that it didn’t seem to be taking much damage from my attacks, even though I was putting everything I had into them.

Paimon floated near me. “Why isn’t your gun working like before?”

“I ain’t got a forkin’ clue. These guys got any weakness Aether didn’t mention?”

“No…” She looked like she was trying to think hard while keeping pace with me.  Then she zipped off. Aether landed next to me a moment later, his clothing shifting from having teal lights to blue ones.

“It’s resistant to physical damage.” He said. “I forgot to mention that.”

I shook my head.  “Well that’s just forkin’ great. At least I can be a distraction.” I charged at the thing, firing at it but not getting in the way of the others. The machine noticed and began targeting me. Following me with it’s spinning arms and rockets. Each time it fired the rockets, I’d use my systems to get out of the way at the last second. I could hear the others getting their hits in while it focused on me and the dirt I was kicking up by dashing around like a wild horse.

After a few close calls and a couple more minutes, the hulking thing fell, crashing to the ground. Aether stood on it’s back, panting. “Sorry ‘bout forgetting the resistance thing.”

“Woulda been good to know before I wasted bullets on somethin’ that I ain’t able to fudgin’ damage.” I shook my head. “Still, ain’t the first time I’ve been the distraction.” I chuckled. This thing was similar to an Aurumaton close up, just way more crudely built. I watched as Aether began using his sword to cut open part of it. “Whatcha doin’ Aether? It fulla treasure or somethin’?”

“Their “eye” is worth turning into the guild. Not sure what they use them for but they seem to want them.” He said, grunting with the effort of cutting through the machine. I watched as a strange dark goo started seeping out of the machine. Curious, I moved over. It smelled kinda like my biolink blood.

“That’s forkin’ weird.” I mumble as I dip my fingers in the small pool forming under the thing. It had a similar oily, sticky feel and, them smeared on my fingers, almost had a blue shimmer in the black inky shine. I glanced around before deciding to test it with my sensors. I licked my fingers.

“BOOTHILL!!” Shinobu immediately shrieked at me. “WHAT THE FUCK?! DON’T EAT THAT!”

“Wha?” I turn to look at her, my tongue still slightly out and now covered in the fluids. “How the fork else am I supposed to figure out what it is?” I look at her confused.

“I don’t know, test it with some… thing in you body.”

“Yeah, my tongue. Ain’t like it’s gonna kill me. I’ve ingested weirder, and definitely more dangerous things, including coffee that might kill some people.”

She shook her head. “Why is the thing to test with in your mouth?”

“What, would it make more sense if it was in my…”

“Boothill… why are you fighting me on this?”

“’Cause ya yelled at me.” I look at her and shake my head. Then I see a notification on my hud.

Substance: Unbranded biocoolant, compatible with Biolink Synthetic Blood. Current levels 80%, Requires 3L to replenish to proper operational levels.

I’ll be shot down. “How old are these things? And anyone got jars and any cheese cloths?”

The others all stop and stare at me.

“What do you need that stuff for?” Taki looked confused.

“Well, if I filter this shirt I’ll be able, Thanks Darlin’, I’ll be able to replenish my blood.” I started scooping up a jar full for the biocoolant. Then I put the second jar on top and the cloth between. Aether then handed me some wax that I sealed them together with. Inverting it I watched as the large particles were caught.

“I didn’t think I’d find somethin’ to use here. Figured I’d be low till I got back to space.” I marveled quietly.

“Strange that Khaenri'ahn tech had something similar.” Aether commented also watching the liquid drip through.

“Yeah. You’re gonna have to teach me more ‘bout those folks at…”

We all turned at the sound of more rockets firing as the silhouette of a body flew towards us. They slammed into the ground next to me and Aether.

“Well, that’s not normally how that happens.” Paimon commented, staring at the body.

Chapter Text

“XIAO!” Aether shouted and pushed past me to kneel next to the young masked fellow. This Xiao sat up holding his head.

“Aether? You and your friends should stay…”

“Nope. Xiao, you’re bleeding. Shinobu is going to put her shields on you and we’re going to help.” Aether stated firmly.

“Fine but stay out of my way.” He said, standing, then stumbling slightly. Shinobu touched the spot that was bleedin’, and it closed. Then a ring of electricity surrounded him.

I put my jars in my bag and stopped. “Hey, Fella, how many of them Ruin guards were you just fightin’?”

“Three.” He looked at me. “Stay out of the way stranger.”

“Not happenin’. Come on. Let’s get ‘em taken care of.”

“Fine. But I’m not saving you.” He snarled and began to run back over the small hill. We followed behind him but kept back a bit. Except Aether who seemed to manage to keep up with him. Once we could see the other machines the masked stranger zipped into action.

He was a tough fighter. Seeming to almost fly around the hulking machines and hitting them hard.

“It’s good to see Xiao flex his muscle!” Itto laughed next to me, and he picked himself up from getting smacked backward. “Haven’t seen him since we got stuck in the chasm.”

“You know him?” I asked, quickly loading my gun. It might not do much damage, but it did keep their attention off the others.

“Yeah. He’s the guardian Yaksha and basically Zhongli’s kid. And Aether’s boyfriend. Not that they’ll admit it.” He swung his sword and hit the one of the machines with huge chunks of dirt.

“Aether. Xiao needs to take his mask off. He’s getting weaker!” Shinobu suddenly yelled. Hoping off the back of another machine.

Without a word Aether pinned the other man and ripped his mask off him, revealing a handsome young man with gold eyes and biting teeth. “Aether! I’m…”

“No. You’re going to collapse. Boots! Come get Xiao and keep him safe!”

“I’m fine Aether. I don’t need protection.” Xiao snapped.

“The last time we fought together you almost died. I’m not doing that again Xiao.”

“I was fine.”

“Then how did you get out.” Paimon flits over. “Didn’t Zhongli have to pull you out before you fell to your death after getting us all out? Paimon and Aether don’t want you getting to that point again.”

“Well, I’m not going to stay out of the fight.” He hissed.

“That’s fine by me. I ain’t gonna keep you out. I’m only good as a distraction right now anyway.” I spin the cylinder of my revolver. I then look at Paimon. “I got his back lil’ darlin’. Don’t worry ‘bout us.”

“Okay.” She shook her head and flew back to Aether.  

“You don’t need to watch over me.” The young man stated coldly.

“Yeah. But I ain’t ‘bout to let someone my friends care about get hurt. Not when I can be helpful.”

“Well, you shouldn’t feel the need to worry over me.” He kept that same cold attitude as he ran back in the fray. I cursed quietly as I chased after him.

I then stopped. The four of them fought like a well-oiled machine. Each fighter knowin’ exactly what to expect from the others. I stayed back, knowin’ I might throw them off and get somebody hurt. Keepin’ to the side I still occasionally pinged shots of the machines to keep them from focusin’ too hard on one of ‘em.

Not long after I was fillin’ jars with more biocoolant as Aether removed the eyes of the Ruin Guards.

“You are very unusual, Stranger.” I heard the rough voice behind me.

“I could say the same ‘bout you, Xiao, right?” I straightened myself up. His gold eyes watching me with suspicion.

“Yes. You must be heading to the Wangshu inn, are you not, Stranger.” The lack of emotion was unsettling.

“Name’s Boothill. And yeah, Aether, Taki, Miss Shinobu and Paimon are helpin’ me get to Fontaine. They figured a night at this Inn would be a good stop.” I put the lid on the last jar and put them in my bag. “That mask was pretty forkin’ cool.”

He hummed in response. “You seem to dislike silence.”

“You seem to not like bein’ friendly.” I glanced over my shoulder.

“Xiao.” Aether said walking up to us. “I was hoping we’d catch you as we passed thought.”

“Though I think us actually catching you wasn’t the plan!” Itto chuckled.

“I see you brought the Oni.” He said, looking at Aether. “He isn’t going to knock himself out charging into a door this time, is he?”

“I only did that one time.” Itto huffed.

“Ushi was a more useful member of that expedition.”

Shinobu giggled quietly at Xiao’s comment as I just looked between 'em, confused.

“Ushi? The fudge is an Ushi?” I grumble quietly.

“Why Bull-Chucker is Bull-Chucker!” Paimon laughs.

“Shit, that’s right! I never introduced ya to my little buddy!” Itto moved over closer and suddenly through something in front of me.  “Meet Beefcake!”

“His proper name is Ushi.” Xiao stated quietly. “He is able to exorcise evil spirits and is a capable beast.”

“It’s a bull!” I laugh. “A tiny lil' bull! Fudge me sideways. I ain’t seen any head of cattle in years!”

“You have seen one of these before.” Xiao tilts his head.

“Nah. Never had a bull with a roof on ‘im.” I chuckle, kneeling down to the little guy. “My family had a few head back in the day though. My brothers and I would sometimes antagonize and ride the bull for shirts and giggles.”

“That seems unnecessarily dangerous.”

“That seems on par for you Boothill.” Shinobu chuckled as Xiao shook his head. “Ushi has helped us out on several occasions and is as much a member of the gang as I am.”

“You gonna let the lil’ fella roam with us Taki?”

“Sure. I don’t exactly know where he goes when I haven’t summoned him, so a walk might be good for my compadre!”

Ushi gave a surprisingly deep but quiet bellow.

“Fudge, I can only imagine what a whole herd of these little guys would look like.” I chuckled as we returned to the road. “A tiny stampede of cattle that are smaller than a cattle dog would be hilarious.”

“Where did you find this one?” I heard Xiao asking Aether behind me.

“I kinda fell into their path in Inazuma.” I smile brightly.

“Inazuma is full of strangeness. I wonder if Morax has been made aware?”

“Ain’t he dead?” I ask and Aether looks away.

“Morax is still very much alive and… still with that Archons damned ginger Fatui.” Xiao growled slightly.

“Oh yeah!” Itto perked up. “Childe. He thinks he’s the best fighter in all of Teyvat. I’m gonna have to challenge him when we get to Liyue harbour!”

“Boss.” Shinobu sighed. “Tartaglia is the lowest ranked Harbinger…”

“Exactly! I should be able to take him!”

“He’s also the chief banker in Liyue, survived the Abyss as a child, and regularly tries to… you know what, never mind. The two of you might as well get it over with.” Shinobu shakes her head. “I’ll bail you out later.”

“Y’all just said he’s one of ‘em Fatui folks. So why the…”

“He’s honestly a decent guy. If he’s enough in the know to be a problem, he doesn’t act like it.” Aether shrugs.

“And he has helped Paimon and Aether on several occasions. We’ve also helped him too. Unlike some of the others, he isn’t as much of a bad guy.”

“Makes me think of one of them Stonehearts with the IPC. One of ‘em, he’s been through some shirt and has actually been helpin’ me with my plans. He… he’s kinda the reason I ended up here actually.”

“Well Childe is a pain in my ass. He is far too abrasive and loud for Lord Morax in my opinion.” Xiao states coldly.

“You don’t like your stepdad huh?” I joke only to have gold eyes glare at me like he might just rip out my soul.

“I do not like the man. That is all.” He turned and walked slightly ahead, Aether following close behind him.

“He’s… touchy about Mr. Zhongli’s relationship. But they’re both older than they look.” Paimon says, floating next to me. It’s clear she’s giving the other two some space.

“Kinda like Yanquing and Jing Yuan.” I mutter.

“Who?”

“Jing Yuan, the Arbiter General of the Xianzhou Loufu and his adopted kid who was their Sword Champion a few years ago. That kid woulda kicked my ash if the IPC hadn’t started actively huntin’ me at the Wardance. Kinda makes me think of the way Xiao is talkin’ ‘bout Morax. Except Yanquing is straight and possibly datin’ the granddaughter of the Arbiter General of the Zhuming.”

“Ummm…” Paimon scratches her head.

“The Xainzhou Alliance is a group of huge ships whose folks all follow the same Aeon as me, just in a different way. That’s where the tree zombies are too.”

“They’re also the people who can live for a great number of years.” Shinobu added.

“Yup.” I look at Paimon. “So, why were you and Aether hidin’ the fact that Morax ain’t dead?”

“Yeah, since when isn’t he dead! We heard about that in Inazuma. It happened right around the Vision Hunt Decree.” Itto looked at her. “Come on Flyin’ Lavender Melon, spill.”

“He asked us too.” She says quickly. “He just wanted to retire and not be an archon anymore. Unlike the Raiden who wanted nothing to change, Morax knew his people could take care of things on their own.”

“And now relies on Childe to give him money as he forgot to create himself a supply of Mora before giving up his gnosis.” Xiao commented facing us. “He still watches over his people and still holds a great deal of strength. Even if most in Liyue don’t know who he is now.”

“Huh.” I blink. “But you know three know.”

“Yeah! He’s Zhongli. A funeral director. Even planned his own funeral when he faked his death… which we were suspected of.”

“I mean, the two of you are formidable.”

“Not so much so as to be able to bring down the dragon Rex Lapis.” Xiao still maintained that cold tone.

“I know a fella who’s kinda similar. Dan Heng, one of my nameless friends. Only ever saw him do it once, but that was in Ena’s Dream… Ya know what, I’ll tell y’all ‘bout it over dinner if ya want.”

“That would be agreeable.” Xiao nodded, almost smiling.

“Boots tells the best stories!” Itto grinned. “Honestly, I can’t tell if any of them are true but they’re really fun to listen to and…” A rumble of thunder interupted him.

“Shit. We should get moving guys.” Miss Shinobu stated as raindrops began to fall around us.

“The inn isn’t far. I shall let them know you are all coming and have warm soup prepared and waiting.”

“Thanks, Xiao.” Aether said as the Yaksha took off far faster than any of us could have kept up with.

As the rain began in earnest I shoved my hair up under my hat. Paimon stayed as close to Aether as she could and Itto recalled Ushi.

“One of us oughta get to stay dry.” He said as he caught back up. As we ran the inn quickly came into sight “Shit!” Itto jumped as a lightning bolt hit the ridge near us.

“Fudge me…” I groaned, startin’ to run faster. “I ever mention I hate forkin’ lightnin’.”

“Nope!” Itto, the asshole, chuckled. “Why?”

Before I could answer I felt my whole body start tinglin’ and my bangs start tryin’ to stand on end. “Y’all ain’t gonna wanna be close to me right now.”

They all jumped at the peel of thunder.

“BUTTER MY FUDGE THAT SMARTS!” I could smell the smoke comin’ from the singed part of my jacket. I had managed to throw my arm up in the nick of time to keep from fryin’ off my hair or burnin’ my hat.

Battery Charge 100%. Charging stopped to prevent battery degradation.

Chapter Text

“I stood there, in the pourin’ rain. The purple of the tracer on Teirnan’s bullet fadin’ as I watched and waited. Then, I saw ‘em. The Shootin’ Stars of the Hunt. My fellow Rangers comin’ from all points of the universe.” I said, the reverence I felt in that moment still comin’ through in my voice.

“The Nameless were mighty grateful I was able to help the way I was. Hell, The Singin’ Queen, Robin, was just as grateful that my actions helped her save her brother, who actually joined the Nameless ‘imself after leavin’ Penacony. Then, once I was back at headquarters, La Macha actually gave me Teirnan’s second bullet.” I pulled out my phone. “It’s on Genti’s ship, for safe keepin’.”

“Did you get struck by lightning on that rooftop too, Boots?” Itto asked, smirking.

“No! You Muddlefudger! I actually got to be the hero, not…” I sighed as he started cacklin’.

The cook brought out everyone’s entrees as Taki was laughin’. I’d managed to find somethin’ that made me think of home when I read the discription. It was stew, beef stew with local veg and a side of somethin’ that turned out to be cornbread. After gettin’ struck by lightnin’ I figured I deserved somethin’ familiar.

I woke up later that night with a strangled cry of my daughter’s name dyin’ in my throat. I sat up on the cot the others had gotten from the innkeep so I could sleep on the balcony of our room. It was their trade off for me sleepin’ at the Inn. Honestly, it was better than I had thought.

Sittin’ on my cot I stared at the sky again. Pickin’ up my phone I began a message.

“Hey ‘Genti. I got struck by lightnin’ today. For real! Hurt like forkin’ hell but made everyone laugh, even me. I’m fine by the way, before you start worryin’ too much. Singed my jacket and charged my battery is all. Fudge babe, I miss ya somethin’ fierce right now. Can’t even put on any music and dance cause, I ain’t got a connection.”

I sigh, starin’ at my message.

“Ya know. It’s funny. I started these so I could tell ya where I am so you can find me when you get here but, they’re kinda becomin’ a journal for me. And you getta see me a little more raw than normal. I know ya won’t go usin’ these to hurt me ‘Genti. I ain’t gonna get into detail of it, but I was dreamin’ ‘bout Clementine again. Musta been from my dinner. Reminded me too much of home for my own good really.”

I shook my head. Hearin’ footsteps near me I quickly hit send on the message. The wall of text popped up followed by the failed to deliver messages that I was sadly getting’ used to at this point.

“Why are you up Boots?” Taki asked as he closed the balcony door.

“Just had a bad dream is all Taki. Nothin’ to worry ‘bout.”

Taki sighed. “You don’t have to answer this but, Who’s Clementine?”

I felt my skin pale. “You’re right, I don’t gotta answer, and I ain’t gonna.”

“But she was important to you?”

“Yeah.” I sigh. “She was.”

Taki nodded then sat next to me. I looked at my boots as I felt his arm on my back. “I get it. I’ve seen lots of people who have memories that hurt too much. I’m here if you need me though, okay Brother?”

“Yeah. Thanks Taki.” I looked at him. He smiled gently. “You’re helpin’ by just bein’ here.”

“Your new friend is very strange Aether. Are you sure you can trust him?” Xiao’s voice came from above us. As well as the sound of soft footsteps.

“He hasn’t given us a reason not to trust him yet Xiao. And honestly, we’re just helping him get to Fontaine for repairs.” Aether’s voice also floated down to us from the rooftop.

“What then? How is it getting back beyond the firmament?” Xiao commented.

I glared up at the roof.

"I don't know if I'd call Boothill an it to his face." Aether stated and I heard Itto chuckle quietly.  I turn my head and glare at him.

"I ain't an it."

"I know Boots. Xiao's... I mean..."

"Some people will only see the things that make me different. Fridge, the doc who built this hunk a junk calls me an it." I comment before listenin' again.

"Aether, I don't have to like you leaving. I know you going to Fontaine means you'll go visit that feline magician's twin."

"You agreed to us having openness. I have never hid who I have laid with from you. Why does Lyney bother you so much?"

Xiao gives an annoyed hmph. "He just does."

"They ain't got any idea we're sittin' here, do they?" I chuckle to Itto.

"Nope." He says lookin' up as we hear Aether speak again.

"Let me make my going there up to you." Then we both heard them sigh.

"Ya know I'm tryin' to sleep down here!" I shout up and Aether makes a choked off noise and Itto stifles a laugh. I don’t bother hidin’ my laughter as I hear them both scurry off somewhere else.

"I should go back to bed too, Boots." Itto slaps my shoulder, his nails clickin' 'gainst the bare metal. "So should you."

"Yeah... I'll try Taki. Thanks for... makin' sure I was okay. I... I woke Miss Shinobu, didn't I?"

"No. You didn't yell very loud at all. I was just up building a new TGC deck because I couldn't fall asleep. I heard you calling that name and figured I should check.” Itto smiled.

I nod. “Thanks Itto. And don’t feel bad that I ain’t tellin’ ya much. The only one I really tell any of this shirt to is ‘Genti, and even him I don’t like sharin’ everythin’ with. Don’t need to bring everyone else down with everythin’ I got goin’ on.”

“You don’t Boothill. I meant it when I said you tell the best stories.” He beamed. “Even the ones that sound really fake.”

“Well, thank ya kindly.” I chuckle. “My people told most of their history through tales and stories told by parents to their children. Not everythin’ might be accurate, but the stories get shared.”

“Is there one you could maybe share with me now?” Itto smirked like a little kid.

“Just a tiny bit.” I smirk back. “You remember that Teirnan fella I mentioned earlier. Well, La Macha givin’ me his bullet was a big deal ‘cause, as a ranger, he spent some time on Aeragon-Epharshal.”

“So he’s part of your history, not just the rangers and Penacany.”

“Penacony.”

“That’s what I said.” He laughed.

“But yes, having the bullet is a connection to my old life, my old home and my people’s story. Real proof of the man’s existance. Somethin’ I ain’t sure how to leave behind myself.”

“Well, you can trust the Red Oni won’t ever forget your name Boothill. And if I get the chance to introduce you to them, neither will the Blue.”

“The Blue? That’s the planet The Herta Spacestation orbits. How do you know anythin’ ‘bout…”

“The Blue Oni, Boots.” He laughs. “The other Oni Tribe. I’m the only red left as far as we know.”

I look at the Oni. I could never have guessed by how happy he is that he was so alone.

“The blue have taken me as one of their own and their leader Takuya is one of my dearest friends. I just know that most people find those facts kinda sad. Not really how I want my compadres to see me.”

“I get that. No one wants to be seen as weak. Honestly, no one sees ya that way Taki.” I grin at my friend.

“Thanks Boots. Please get some sleep, or at least rest.” He smirks. “You never know when your red head is gonna show up.”

 I laughed as he headed back in. I leaned back on the cot and stared at the stars. My thoughts drifted around between the last Avgin and how much pain and blood he had witnessed, Argenti tellin’ me ‘bout the war that still raged on Melistanin under the guise of a gift of beauty, March 7th with her lost memories, Dan Heng and his exile, Welt Yang’s inability to find his way to his own home and eventually back to those bombs that rained down upon my home world. Laying there, I let myself think ‘bout all of the horrors that I knew of, that I had seen or been told of. Yet I still thought of Kakavasha teachin’ me to tie a knot of cyclicality so someone else knows how as a birthday gift to himself, Argenti findin’ beauty in trainin’ and his own bodily strength, March takin’ her photos and sharin’ them with us so she’d never forget again, Dan Heng bein’ a brother in the hunt to me and a central part of the Express, Welt havin’ found himself in love with that Penaconian exile… and how, despite all I’d lost, I could never go back, and that it wasn’t the worst thing.

The flow of time moved ‘round me without me noticin’. I hadn’t realized how long I had been starin’ at the sky until a ruffled lookin’ Aether slipped through the door. I drew my gun not knowin’ who had snuck into the room.

“Damn it Boothill.” He gasped quietly when he spotted me.

“Fridge sake’s Aether.” I sighed, reholsterin’ my revolver. “You look like you and Xiao found a good quiet spot to fork.”

“Not… we didn’t… we haven’t…” He blushed, rubbing the back of his neck, which was covered in bites and hickies.

“Ya still had fun. He forgivin’ ya over the other…”

“Man. I’m gay.” He says quietly.

“So, is he forgivin’ you?”

“Maybe. Mostly, he’s satisfied I’ll come back to him. He’s… protective.” Aether chuckles softly.

“Long distance stuff is hard. I can’t imagine doin’ it without bein’ able to call.” I smiled.

Aether gave me a look. “Even as you’re doing it right now. Believing that he will remain loyal and faithful, if that’s part of your relationship. Xiao and I have an open relationship because I travel and he is unsure if he may find someone else.”

“You ever take advantage of it?” I ask, curiosity taking over.

“Lyney of the House of the Hearth. A magician and…” he looks away. “A moderate ranking Fatui member. But we do love each other, and he understands my relationship with Xiao and my need to find my twin sister. He’s a twin too and his sister has feline traits. He also has the pointy teeth like a cat. He actually really wants to meet Xiao but he’s a person of some importance as the second in command of the House and a public celebrity and…”

I put my hand on his arm. “Breathe Aether.” I laughed. “I don’t know enough ‘bout the Fatui to have a hate on for all of ‘em or to judge ya for how you chose to love. As Itto pointed out, I’m gay too. And so is he, if my gut is right at least.”

He nodded. “Sorry. Xiao gets kinda intense about these things. It’s part of why I love him. He doesn’t want to meet Lyney, which is silly. They’d get along great, I think.”

“And I think you should both get to bed.” Shinobu hissed from the door, makin’ us both jump. “The three of you are going to be cranky and bitchy if you don’t. and I can tell you’re still awake Boss.”

“Dammit.” Itto snickered.

“Bed. Now. All three of you.” The tiny greenhaired woman stomped back into her room.