Chapter Text
Dan Heng, like any good Vidyadhara, prides himself on that part of his lineage. Regardless of his past, or maybe even because of it, he does believe for it to be of great importance to him.
It’s important, when he’s able to help Bailu with things that no other would be able to as she comes into her own. It’s important, when he’s able to protect his friends from harm with the power that comes with it. And it’s pretty important, when it comes to the history behind his people. There aren’t many of them left, concentrated solely within the Alliance, and even if others believe him to be a traitor, they need him nonetheless. He wants to help preserve their culture, wants to help create a world rebirthed Vidyadhara can be apart of, he wants feel whole in himself finally, after so many years of running from it. He’d be in control, this time around.
However. Dan Heng is decidedly very much not in control when a certain part of him begins to act up.
See, Vidyadhara were a powerful species. They were capable of a lot, the magic thrumming under his skin was one of their many skills, their longevity one of the others. Fascinating, just how many things they could do that he was still learning about from time to time. One one of those abilities though had been stripped from them centuries ago, one he’d never been fussed about before, but had discovered they’d lost the ability to breed, and have children ages ago. He’d always been told it wasn’t possible, even if it had been at some point in time. That was fine by him, had never turned up an issue because besides other young Vidyadhara, he’d never had any intention of nurturing anyone to the same degree as a child. Perfect.
But lost didn’t mean forgotten, exactly.
And if the Vidyadhara were good at anything, it was their memories after having lived so long. Or perhaps, in this unfortunate case, it was their bodies that were incapable of forgetting how they once were.
Which is why, when Dan Heng realizes he can pick out March’s scent from across the parlor car, or that he knows Stelle is approaching before the door to the archives even slides open, or that he can barely stand to he around them, their hands on him and thinks he just may die if they even think to kiss him, he feels a sense of dread crawling up his spine.
Yet, he doesn’t want them to be away from him either, annoyingly enough. Dan Heng catches himself damn near baring his teeth at particularly nosy passerbys that chatted with March the last time they were on the Luofu, mind foggy and not entirely aware of what he was doing until the offenders had backed off — his partner wondering if she’d said something offensive. Stelle only manages to snap him out of it during their walk through Aurum Alley because she had to wrangle her hand out of his in the middle of the crowd. He hadn’t even realized he’d become so stressed he was clenching it tighter than he should’ve been. With the intent of keeping them for himself, he’d spent ages trying to parse out why that’d started happening.
He can’t even remember the last time he’d been this protective over … well, much of anything. Defensive in the field, sure, it came with the territory of being a Nameless, but raising his hackles over innocent interactions certainly wasn’t something he made a habit of. They were their own people, it wasn’t his place to be acting as if they could only exist in his space. Yet there’s something lurking just beneath his consciousness that calls for the opposite, that barely wants anyone else looking at them.
It’s then and there, while the three of them are sitting down for a late lunch that the pieces click into place.
He is, unreasonably, screwed.
Dan Heng didn’t get ruts. It didn’t happen to him for reasons that he simply filed underneath additional issues brought up by his half complete molting rebirth. Having been imprisoned for as long as he had been and barely given the same education as other Vidyadhara, it wasn’t as if he could ever explain the days he’d spent curled up and sprawled out as his mind and body rebelled against him. They just existed, and he suffered through them.
And as the years went by, so did the regularity of these cycles. For the average of-age Vidyadhara, one could expect them every three to four months. Taken care of with other Vidyadhara or even just others on the Luofu.
To put it simply, it was supposed to be typical.
The key phrase being supposed to be.
His last had been almost two years prior to now. Before that? He couldn’t even remember.
Back before he was on the Express, and a shell of himself hidden away in a corner of a ship trying to ride it out all alone. Miserable, and faking a cold so that the others wouldn’t bother him or worry too much.
He might’ve been free, but that had to be one of the worst period of days in his new life.
Dan Heng had thought that he’d mostly been able to avoid any ruts since then. Chalked the irregularity up to being reborn incorrectly, and figured that with his true form locked away, he wouldn’t be bothered by it much or at all — it’d just peter out and hopefully disappear entirely. Sure, it was another part of his lineage he was losing, but could he really complain?
Wishful thinking. But that wishful thinking had worked, the last two years. Until he ended up back on the Luofu, very much in his natural form he hadn’t been in for quite a while.
Though, as his nerves start to fray while he walks about in the alchemy delve, he’s starting to think he might’ve been wrong. Very, very wrong. It wasn’t as if he could’ve predicted how the events on the Luofu played out, or the consequences of it, and a rut was absolutely the furthest thing from his mind. Stelle walks ahead of him, looking for Bailu to follow up on a certain task they’d started recently, while he ponders over this. What would’ve brought this on, if his pre-rut aura is truly here and he’s not hallucinating the symptoms? Sure, he might’ve been healthier since just about everyone on the Express is making sure he’s eating, and he’s no longer banished from his home, but why had it taken so long for another cycle to show up if that were the case?
Only the Aeons knew, likely.
Hence, why he’d accompanied Stelle out. In a condition like this, he doesn’t really want to be off the Express, or even out of the archives, but Dan Heng figures if anyone could help, it’d be another Vidyadhara. And if that Vidyadhara was also the renowned current high elder and a healer? Well, he hopefully would be in some luck, most healers carried suppressants.
Not that they were meant to be used long term, but he didn’t exactly have a choice.
Now, whether Bailu would ask questions, he doesn’t know. He hopes, for his own sake, that she doesn’t. Dan Heng hasn’t even broached the topic with either of his partners yet, and isn’t really sure when or if he will. If things go right and his body calms down with the suppressants, that conversation could be for another day when he could actually think straight.
Most Vidyadhara either mated for life or not at all. For how long they lived, it really only made sense. Sometimes they transcended lives, other times they didn’t — if Dan Feng had a mate, he doesn’t have any memory of them. Something else he didn’t ever bother to bring up, but is certainly thinking about it now. A relationship that’d only been really real for a few months, wasn’t grounds for mating, regardless if Dan Heng couldn’t think of a life without March and Stelle. It wasn’t all that unusual for the unmated to pursue other Luofu natives to get them through their rut or heat cycles.
But this felt a lot different than just asking strangers for help.
Does he even want them to help him with this? As painful as it’d be, he’d much rather ride it out on his own than accidentally hurt March or Stelle. Incredibly conscious of his actions or not, there was a piece of him slowly being ripped away the longer his pre-rut went on, and he’s just not sure he wants either of them to be there when it snaps entirely.
He wrinkles his nose as he catches up with his partner, shaking that thought out of his head even as his gaze catches on her bare nape. Grey hair tied out of the way into a ponytail, the smell of a bonfire is even stronger to him today than the days prior. Wondering mostly if she’d been caught near a fire recently, she smells of smoke and ash, if not also what he thinks is likely sulfur — residue of the Imaginary tree since she’d begun striding on the path of the Harmony. That’d been building for the last couple days too, Stelle had always smelled as if she were burning when she was nearby, but he never noticed much unless he was actively seeking her scent out. He doubts that she has scent glands to the same extent a Vidyadhara would, but for some reason, his rut-addled mind thinks she does. Unblemished skin nearly twinkles at him, teasing, would she let him sink his teeth into her skin, marking her as his?
“Hey, are you okay?” Stelle asks, turning to him as they fall in step together, “You’re quiet today.”
“Hm?” Dan Heng barely realizes that she’s acknowledged him, a nudge against his shoulder catching him own head, “Just some things on my mind, is all.”
“Are you going to share with the class?” She asks, tone light. Unaware, “Or should I guess instead?”
“No need. It is nothing serious, truly.”
Lying isn’t something he does often or on purpose, but she seems to believe him at face value, and doesn’t question him further. His throat is far too tight, thinks he’s in danger of suffocating from her mere presence. He’s pulling his collar away from his neck while they step into Bailu’s quarters, looking for any fresh air at all.
Stelle’s scent was a strong as she was, now that he had no choice but to sense it. March’s was slightly less stifling, but she smelled of mint and what he thinks were some sort of distinct berries. Something closer to whatever it was that she bathed in. Regardless of what it was, he’d been sleeping in the archives the last two nights because of how sickly sweet she smelled to him.
Not because he couldn’t stand it, but because it was eliciting a reaction he couldn’t quite control.
They meet with one of Bailu’s mentors first after they arrive, they acknowledge Dan Heng, but if they’re particularly kind or cold, he doesn’t notice and simply sits in a free chair in a corner of the room. He’s got a terrible headache behind his eyes and a fever that’s threatening to spill over into action.
“Stelle! Good to see you, do you have my ingredients?” The Dragon Lady appears only a few moments later, a wide and expectant grin on her expression as she steps through the curtain in the back of the room. Genuinely happy to see Stelle, they’d become fast friends since working together recently, and her enthusiasm is clear, “You’re way faster than the cycranes, I should start calling you the Trailblazer Delivery Service!”
“I’m probably slower than them, but you don’t have to thank me that much,” Stelle shares a gentle laugh with the high elder, handing a few bags over to her. A host of poultices and the like that she and Dan Heng had collected from one of the healers in the Alley earlier, “Just a favor for a friend.”
Bailu sniffs the air dramatically, a teasing grin growing while she looks around, “Annnnd? Anything else for your favorite healer?”
“Ah, of course. I almost forgot,” Stelle’s sarcasm drips off her words — she didn’t forget, she’d spent nearly ten minutes walking all over the Alley looking for snacks to bring Bailu. A whole host of things, ‘just to treat her for a job well done’ is the way his girlfriend had put it. He thinks they’re downright spoiling her — she’s perfectly capable of collecting her own snacks on her own time, but Stelle was always too kind. She hands off the bag with all the sweets inside, “Auntie said she threw something extra in there for you, for all your help in the last couple weeks.”
“Yes!” Bailu’s excitement has her tail swishing against the floor, rubbing her hands together before she gets hold of the bag, “This is great, we really do make a great team, Trailblazer. Here, a little something for your troubles.”
He doesn’t see what Bailu hands over to her, likely coin if he could guess considering Stelle pockets it a few seconds later. It doesn’t matter, truly, he can almost hear the blood rushing in his ears, can barely think at this point. Thankfully, he’s far enough out still that he can still wear pants without all that much trouble, but he can feel that weirdly familiar hot coil building in him already as he sits there watching Stelle. Not much time left, and if he wants any chance at completely avoiding this, then he needs to talk to Bailu. Now.
“I still need to perfect a couple recipes, not every injury can be healed with the same stuff I use on everyone,” Bailu says, placing her things on the nearby table. Lost in thought for a moment, she disappears deeper into her quarters before returning with a handful of baubles, liquid sloshing around inside the glass, “Say, you’re always getting hurt around the Luofu, would you take a couple of these experimental ones and tell me which of them work best? They’re all safe of course, no risk to you, just a reward to me on how to best serve everyone.”
Stelle nods enthusiastically. Dan Heng doesn’t like the fact Bailu is giving her free reign to test her might against the marastruck again, it’s a terrible pasttime of hers that did more often than not land her in the archives to get bandaged up by none other than himself. But he has bigger priorities, he could discuss this idea with her later.
“Sounds good, I’d be happy to help. Do you … drink these or slap them on? Can’t tell.”
“Just uncork them and drink! They’re not flavored, so you might have to just drink them as is,” Bailu laughs sheepishly, “My next batch will probably come flavored,”
“Medicine cherry it is then,” Stelle responds, gently shaking one of the red baubles, “Thanks, I’ll let you know how well they work.”
“I’ll be here, in the meantime, working on these snacks. I’ll message you if I need anything else,” Bailu is already reaching into the bag, delicately pulling out one of the treats inside to bite into, “See you around, Trailblazer.”
Stelle nods, before turning to where he sits. She grins after pocketing the baubles away as well, “Ready to go, Dan Heng? Looks like Baliu’s paying for dinner, March’ll meet us at one of the stalls in Starskiff Haven.”
Think, think, think. As much as he wants to take her hand then and there, he has to steel his resolve if he doesn’t want to suffer miserably the next few days. He shakes his head, coughing a little to cover for how rough his voice is right now, “Go ahead without me, I need to speak to Bailu. I should not be long.”
“Alright,” She shrugs, looking back at the young woman. Against Dan Heng’s better judgement, Stelle leans forward enough to kiss his forehead ever so gently, then steps outside, “See you later!”
And with her, goes that tantalizing scent that’d been driving him crazy. Her lips burn where they’d touched him. With it, thankfully, returns his vague train of thought, but not by much. He releases his hands from the armrests of the chair, hadn’t even realized that he’d gripped them so hard, his knuckles were turning white. Shakes his head and picks himself up, seeking the healer’s attention, “Bailu. I … need your help with something.”
Her ears perk up, ever so slightly as she chews on another piece from the bag. Swallows, then looks up at him, “Oh, you’re still here? You’re eating into my snack time. What is it? I thought you were leaving with Stelle.”
His need for relief is thankfully stronger than his fear of embarrassment. Whether that’s a blessing or a curse, he doesn’t know.
“I require —“ He bites his tongue, then figures he doesn’t have a lot to lose, “Suppressants. If you have them, I need a few days supply.”
If the Vidyadharan mind could freeze and begin loading, Bailu’s does then and there. It’s quiet in her little storefront for far too long, tilting her head as if trying to make sense of his request. He worried she doesn’t understand, until she eventually swallows and puts down whatever it was she was eating.
“You need them now?” Bailu asks. Her tone shifts, half professional and half out of curiosity, “What, do you need a refill? What kind are you taking? I can’t just give you a bagful without knowing. It’s bad medical practice.”
“I am not currently taking any. These would be … corrective, rather than preventative.”
Bailu glances behind him, as if checking for others nearby. She breathes in through her nose, squeezing her eyes shut. A beat passes, then her brows furrow and blue-green eyes narrow at him, “Dan Heng. Are you currently in a rut?”
She sounds exasperated already, as if disappointed in him. For someone who appeared to be much younger than him, does she really have to sound like an annoyed parental figure? Dan Heng halfway expects her to click her tongue at him. He lowers his voice to match her’s, “No. Not yet, likely a few hours to a full day remains for now. But I am not looking to go through one at this very moment, do you have any in stock?”
“I do, but,” Bailu starts, looking back towards where she keeps most of her prepped ingredients. Wipes her hands on one of the cloths from the low table, “When was your last one?”
Her expression falls the longer he thinks about it. He doesn’t know the date, doesn’t even really remember the month very well, “About two years ago?”
“Two years?” Incredulity appears, and he doesn’t imagine it’s the good kind, “Two years and you’re just getting another one now. Dan Heng, that’s grounds for real medical concern!”
“You know the circumstances of my hatching rebirth as well as anyone else. It isn’t as if I had a choice to address them properly.”
Bailu pauses, then shakes her head. She sits back down at the low table, making no move to search about her things. It just makes him more antsy, “Dan Heng, I can’t in good conscience give you a dose of suppressants. It’ll mess with your system even more, then who knows what’ll happen!”
“Why not?”
“Because! I’m not sure why you haven’t been having them — maybe because you’ve been off the Luofu for so long — but you can’t just turn them off without consequences, especially so close to another one. Your hormones are probably all out of sorts. Two years is way too long to go without one,” She answers, “Once you have this one, you can come back and I’ll get you a prescription. But until then…”
No. No, no, no.
This was not how this was supposed to go. Dan Heng wasn’t about to go through a whole rut cycle on the Express. Not again. And especially not with his partners aboard. The proximity just might kill him outright.
“Bailu—“
“Absolutely not. I’m not prescribing you anything. Cycles are normal, and they’re healthy. If you’re healthy, you get cycles. Just because you don’t live here doesn’t mean you’re the exception, of course,” He does not like that tone of finality she takes, but he knows better than anyone that once she makes her mind up, there’s no changing it regardless of what he does. Bailu gets to chewing on something else, waving him off, “That’s my professional opinion. My non-professional opinion is for you to get comfortable somewhere, and come back in a couple days.”
Comfortable.
Bailu expects him to be comfortable the next couple of days?
Surely it’s moreso a figure of speech, but it still irritates him to no end. Not only is he leaving emptyhanded, but she’s right. Even if he does go to another healer in the sanctum, the chances of the suppressants working at all are low. That, or he might do something irreversible to himself.
What a cruel world he lives in. And yet, he fears she’s not fully wrong. Dan Heng groans, giving one last pointed look to the dragon lady before stalking out of her storefront.