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It was all very familiar.
Kaidan watched from his seat in the mess as Shepard cooked up a pan of reconstituted eggs. James was hovering nearby, prepping a fresh pot of coffee and offering tips on how to make the powdery slop edible. He was currently brandishing a bottle of hot sauce from his personal stash, swearing up and down that it was the cure-all for bland military rations. Kaidan knew for a fact that James had a very limited number of those bottles left and that he typically guarded them fiercely from the other crew members, yet here he was, happily sprinkling a hefty dose onto Shepard’s breakfast.
As Shepard turned away from his pan to grab a tray from the upper cupboard, Kaidan observed the way James’ eyes trailed over the long, lean form of his commander. He noted the wide-eyed admiration, and the less-than-discreet yearning. When Shepard cracked a joke that made even Kaidan roll his eyes, he didn’t miss the way James laughed a little too loudly, smiled a little too broadly.
Yeah. It was definitely familiar.
Kaidan remembered a time, not so long ago, when he himself had taken every opportunity to steal a glance at his commanding officer; when he had laughed a little too loud, lingered a little too long. Had it only been three years? It felt like another lifetime. He had been so young and naïve. He must have aged ten years in the last three.
Kaidan watched as James poured two mugs of coffee, one black with two sugars, the other with no sugar and just a touch of creamer – Shepard’s preference – and handed the latter mug to the commander. Their breakfast secured; the pair carried their trays to claim a spot at the table opposite Kaidan. Realizing he’d been openly staring at the two of them for several minutes now, Kaidan forced himself to look away and focus on his own – now lukewarm – coffee; his mind wandering, without his permission, three years into the past.
“You’re pranking me, right? You cannot possibly enjoy your coffee like that.” Kaidan turned to see Shepard staring, disbelieving, at him from across the cramped mess of the SR1. He had come seeking coffee direct from his cabin judging by the state of his hair; buzz cut grown slightly too long, now flattened against one side of his head. He’d be due for a trim soon.
Kaidan smirked and turned to grab a second mug, passing it to the other man; a shock like static made Kaidan shiver as their fingers barely brushed in the transfer.
“It’s a biotic thing, you wouldn’t understand.”
“I’ve known a few biotics in my day, Kaidan, and none of them drank their coffee with six sugars and a half-cup of cream.” Shepard poured his own cup, adding just enough of the powdered creamer to turn the pitch black to a dark caramel.
“Well maybe you just never met a biotic quite like me.” Kaidan shot back, in a rare moment of bravado he immediately regretted, face reddening and his own boldness.
But Shepard just smiled, broad and honest and heartbreakingly beautiful. “No, I suppose I haven’t.”
Another too-loud laugh from James pulled Kaidan out of his reminiscing. He glanced up just in time to see Shepard take the first bite of his James-approved eggs, his eyebrows arching in delighted surprise. James beamed with satisfaction in return, throwing a playful punch into Shepard’s arm and boasting his cooking skills. As Shepard’s face broke into that same glowing smile from his memories, Kaidan felt his heart tug in his chest.
Maybe things hadn’t changed that much in three years after all.
Kaidan quickly shook off those thoughts. If he had ever stood a chance with Shepard, that time had long since passed. He had sealed his fate when he walked away on Horizon. He had turned Shepard away when he had needed him the most and he could never forgive himself for that. He was amazed that Shepard apparently had, welcoming him back aboard the Normandy and trusting him to have his back. But Kaidan would never fool himself into thinking that trust extended beyond the professional. Any personal connection they may have once had was well and truly severed.
Still, it was nice to see that smile back on his face. Those genuine smiles were a lot rarer these days. And who could blame him? There wasn’t much to smile about in the middle of a civilization-ending war. And yet—
James seemed to pull them out of the man with relative ease.
Kaidan committed to the decision before the idea had even fully formed in his mind. Shepard deserved to have something that made him smile like that. He needed something to fight for. Something more tangible and personal than “the fate of the galaxy”, and he knew that neither of them was likely to make the first move – both too hung up on regulations and duty. Honourable to a fault.
That left things up to him. He’d never played matchmaker before – not usually one to stick his nose into other’s personal business – but if he was going to get those two to step out of their comfort zones, he would have to be willing to step out of his own.
Kaidan started to plan.
~ ~ ~
As much as some things had changed, others remained constant. Shepard’s daily rounds were one of those constants. Just like back on the original Normandy, Shepard made sure to check in with his crew every day, a habit he had picked up from Admiral Anderson back when he had captained the ship. That connection was important to him, had always said that you couldn’t trust a soldier to have your back if they couldn’t trust you to remember their name.
And so, like clockwork, Shepard could be expected to weave his way through the ship, greeting his crew, complimenting work where appropriate, offering support when needed. Kaidan decided this was the perfect opportunity for him to lay a foundation that, he hoped, Shepard and James could build from. Their conversations might not be as easy as they once were – maybe a little stilted at times – but Shepard never passed him by, even if he had earned the right to.
Sure enough, Shepard found his way to the lounge that had become Kaidan’s base of operations, saving him from the mountain of paperwork he’d been scaling all morning. (Who was even reading these reports in the middle of this war?) As was usual these days, Shepard kept things friendly, but strictly professional. Admiral Hackett had a new assignment for them. A fuel reactor in the Silean Nebula had gone dark and getting it secured and active was vital to the war effort and Shepard wanted Kaidan along for the trip.
“Of course, Commander. Happy to assist.” Kaidan saw his moment and seized it. “Have you decided who else will be on the team for this mission?”
Shepard cocked an eyebrow at him. “I had some ideas, but I’m guessing you have a suggestion?”
“Well, it’s likely to be pretty tight quarters inside the reactor, and James – Lieutenant Vega – is hands down the best CQC fighter on the team.”
Shepard smirked a bit at that. “Hands down?”
“You disagree, sir?”
“I’m not saying that. I’m just interested in your assessment of the man. You two fought your way from headquarters to the ship together during the initial attack, didn’t you?”
“We did, sir. And to be perfectly honest, I wouldn’t have made it without him. He’s a good man to have watching your back. A great soldier and loyal to his friends.” Kaidan was liberal with his praise, but he meant every word of it, would never exaggerate James’ abilities, even if it served his cause.
Shepard was full-on grinning at this point, something of a mischievous twinkle in his blue eyes. “And the ‘tall, dark, and handsome’ thing doesn’t hurt his case either, I take it?”
Kaidan felt a surge of victory. His plan was working!
He gave a light chuckle, “I think he’d be the first to admit it.”
“So, you wouldn’t count modesty among his virtues then?”
Kaidan laughed. “I would not. But I wouldn’t count that against him either. He’s earned that confidence.”
Shepard nodded knowingly. “You make a good argument, Kaidan. I’ll let James know he’ll be making the trip down with us.”
“Good to hear, sir.”
Shepard nodded again, signaling the end of their conversation and made for the exit, while Kaidan internally celebrated his success.
“And Kaidan?”
He looked up to see Shepard stopped in the doorway. He was still smiling, but there was a bittersweet tinge to his words. “I know we haven’t always seen eye to eye, but you can drop the “sirs” when we’re off duty.”
Kaidan’s traitorous heart skipped again. “Right. Of course – Shepard.”
~ ~ ~
“Commander, we’re being overrun. Position indefensible, we’re not gonna make it!”
Shepard didn’t hesitate for a second. “Hold tight, one of my people is coming.”
Kaidan ground his teeth in frustration. Riley was an N7 for god’s sake, she should have been able to handle this.
Shepard’s eyes flit between James and Kaidan for a moment before he barked out his command.
“James, save their asses!”
“On it!”
Kaidan had less than a second to worry after James’ retreating form before a Brute was bearing down on them at top speed. He refocused his attention on the massive abomination heading their way, preparing to Reave it to within an inch of its life.
The battle was long with just the two of them, but they knew how to work together, and they downed the beast without any major issues. As it collapsed with a last horrific screech, Cortez popped onto the com to sound the all-clear.
There was a moment of hesitation before he added, “can’t raise Captain Riley.”
“What about Lieutenant Vega?” Shepard asked, his voice calm, though the concern in his eyes betrayed his feelings.
“Nothing Commander, no one’s answering my hail.”
Kaidan felt like he had just been doused with a bucket of ice water. He locked eyes with Shepard and saw his own fear reflected there.
“But I’m tracking some movement toward the pickup point. Finalize the restart, then we can rendezvous there.”
Kaidan let out the breath he was holding, his fears slightly abated, though certainly not vanquished.
Shepard lay a hand on his shoulder. Despite not being able to feel it through his armour, it was a comforting gesture. “Kaidan. He’ll be fine. You said it yourself, he’s a hell of a soldier and he’s been through worse.”
“I know. You’re right.” Kaidan sighed through the com. “It’s just that he’s almost as self-sacrificing and reckless as you are.” He added accusatorily.
Shepard just shrugged and grinned, not even trying to deny it.
Kaidan shook his head at the other man. “The two of you make quite the pair. Even if you do make my blood pressure spike dangerously high.”
Shepard laughed though he looked slightly bemused at Kaidan’s words. He tapped out a few commands on the nearest console and the reactor finally kicked in with a thrum of electricity and a few sparks. Shepard gestured Kaidan forward, gun at the ready despite the all-clear.
Kaidan tried to steady his breaths as they moved toward the pickup point. James would be fine and there was nothing he could do the change the situation until they arrived anyway. He knew he should be watching his corners, continuing to sweep for any lingering husks, but his eyes stayed fixed to Shepard’s back as they trekked through the station – his sturdy presence an eternal comfort to Kaidan’s nerves.
It didn’t take long to make it through the corridors and back to the pickup point, both Shepard and Kaidan breaking into a sprint as they caught sight of several armoured shapes awaiting them. Sure enough, there stood James – looking solid and whole, if a bit scraped up – with Captain Riley and her team.
Riley was quick to thank Shepard for the assistance, who didn’t hesitate to redirect her compliments to his lieutenant. After they’d said their farewells and boarded the shuttle – Steve also looking extremely relieved to see James unharmed – Shepard added his own praise for the man.
“You did great today, James. We didn’t lose a single soldier and that was largely thanks to you.”
James, who rarely shied away from a chance to boast his own achievements, was surprisingly quiet, though obviously pleased. He ducked his head almost shyly. “Thank you, sir.”
Shepard reached across the aisle and patted his knee firmly before reclining in his seat for the trip back.
~ ~ ~
Reflecting after the mission, Kaidan was worried he might have been coming at this from the wrong angle. Getting Shepard to make the first move was unlikely. It made sense; asking your superior out was a risky move – career suicide even, under normal circumstances – but asking your subordinate out was like walking through an ethical minefield. Normally, this was behaviour that Kaidan would never encourage, but somehow – given the state of the galaxy – he just couldn’t bring himself to care. When faced with civilization-ending artificial intelligence, fraternization regulations suddenly seemed pretty damn inconsequential.
Still, while Kaidan knew Shepard had turned a blind eye to crew fraternization in the past (Daniels and Donnelly being the most recent example), it seemed unlikely he would be willing to step up first when in came to James. Regs or no, there was always the possibility that he would feel like he was pressuring James into something he didn’t want. Kaidan was going to have to switch gears.
It only took a few minutes for him to come up with a new plan. He typed out a quick message on his omni-tool.
AlenkoK: meet me in starboard for a celebratory drink? think we’ve earned it after today.
James replied almost instantaneously.
VegaJ: you’re on K! Up in 5.
Kaidan smiled down at the message, enjoying the success of the first stage of his plan, but also looking forward to spending some time with the lieutenant. Despite their gap in age and experience, the two of them got along well. Kaidan had been slightly wary of James at first – admittedly expecting him to live up to the meathead persona he projected on the surface – but it didn’t take long to warm up to the man. There was a charm and depth to him that became glaringly obvious, if you put in the effort to get to know him.
He was digging through his secret stash when James arrived. He hoisted the bottle of Canadian whiskey and waved it at his guest.
“I know it’s not your preferred drink, but I’ve had this bottle hidden away for a special occasion.”
James cocked an eyebrow at him. “Does restarting a fuel reactor count as a special occasion?”
“Not dying counts as a special occasion.”
“Aww, we’re you worried about me, K?”
He considered a lighthearted denial for a second, but it seemed counter productive to his goal, so he went with sincerity.
“Of course I was, James.” He continued quickly, knowing how he was bound to respond. “Don’t get me wrong, I know you can handle yourself out there, but we’re all hanging on by a thread right now. As soldiers, we’ve always been trained to recognize any day could be our last, but this is on a whole new level.” He grabbed a couple of glasses off the shelf. “So yeah. I worry.”
James seemed a bit taken aback by his earnest response. Kaidan took pity on the man, crossing the room and passing the glasses off to him. James held them steady while Kaidan poured.
“You did great out there today.” He set the bottle near one of the couches before taking a glass from James. “To surviving.”
“To kicking some reaper ass!”
They clinked glasses and took their first sip. Kaidan relished the smooth flavour, hit by a wave of nostalgia that he quickly pushed away before it could turn bitter.
“Shall we sit?”
James followed him to the couch, where they quickly got comfortable. Kaidan sipped his drink while James regaled him with the details of his daring rescue of Captain Riley and her squad.
Near the end of his tale, James got a bit quiet. “You know, I didn’t understand at the time why Shepard sent me to help and not you.” Kaidan was going to interject, but James stopped him with a wave of his hand. “You’ve got way more experience, not to mention the biotics, it would have made sense. I would have sent you.”
He paused to pour himself another drink. “But I was thinking about it after, and I think I get it now.” He took a long sip. “Shepard is the only other person I’ve told this so far, but I’ve been recommended for the N7 program.”
“That’s incredible, James! And well deserved. Congratulations.”
“Thanks. I’m excited about it, but honestly, it’s also been freaking me out. A big part of being an N7 is about leadership. Taking command of a situation. The last time I was put in charge, well— it didn’t go so great. A lot of people died.”
Kaidan watched James take on that look he had seen on so many soldiers. That distant, slightly glassy look as he remembered things he’d probably rather forget. He wanted to reach out, to offer some kind of comfort, but he wasn’t sure if it would be welcome.
“Sorry, I’m not trying to bring down the mood.” Kaidan just shook his head. “But the point is, I think Shepard is trying to ease me back into that leadership role; give me some more responsibility.” He gave a small laugh. “And I think it worked too. As scared as I was in the moment, once I got in there, it all just kind of came naturally. It felt good.”
“You’re good at what you do, James. And so is Shepard. He’s always been amazing at knowing when and how to push his people to bring out the best in them. He certainly did it for me.”
James raised his glass again. “To Shepard.”
“To Shepard.”
From that point on, the conversation was light and easy and the drinks flowed fast. The mood was loose and celebratory. James was clearly an affectionate drunk and he was expressing his love for various members of the ship while lightly slurring his words.
“This is just— it’s such a good ship. And such a good crew! I feel lucky to be here with all of you, you know? I’m just— I’m happy. Is that a crazy thing to say in the middle of a war?”
“No! I totally get that!” Kaidan didn’t have the firmest grasp on his enunciation at this point either. “You should be happy!” He leveled a very serious gaze at James, putting one hand on the other man’s knee to keep his balance when he sat forward a little too fast. “You’re a good man, James. And you deserve to be happy.”
Slightly too fast for Kaidan’s alcohol-fogged brain to keep up with, James moved toward him and caught his mouth in a slightly off-centered kiss. He was too stunned to react at first, but James quickly repositioned and started kissing him properly. And damn if he wasn’t good at that. Kaidan melted into it before he remembered he was supposed to be kissing back. For a few long moments, it was perfect. Lips and tongues in sync, drawing a deep yearning from him that he hadn’t felt in a very long time. Not since—
Oh shit.
Kaidan jumped back quickly.
“K?” James’ face went from confused to mortified in response to the panic on Kaidan’s. “Shit, I’m sorry. I thought you meant—”
“No! I mean, no. I didn’t— I just—” Kaidan was completely failing to form the necessary words.
“Oh. Yeah, of course. My bad.” James was flushed with more than just the whiskey now, looking around quickly like he was about to make a run for it. He laughed nervously. “Too much alcohol, ya know? Wasn’t thinking clearly.”
“Right. Yeah—”
“Anyway, it’s getting late, and I’ve gotta get up early to deal with this hangover.” James laughed again, standing from the couch with only the slightest wobble. “Thanks for the drinks, and uh, let’s just forget this ever happened, right?”
Kaidan just nodded dumbly as James beat a hasty retreat.
~ ~ ~
But Kaidan couldn’t forget. Hell, he could barely think about anything else. It had been so long since he had been intimate with anyone. It didn’t usually bother him, but maybe he was more touch-starved than he had realized. He wasn’t even into James! Sure, he was handsome – gorgeous if he was being honest – and Kaidan admired his dedication and loyalty, and yeah, Kaidan found him oddly charming and easy to talk to and—
Shit.
Kaidan dropped his head onto the table where he was working on his expense reports, groaning miserably.
Okay. So maybe things had gotten a little muddled in his head, but it was only because he was so focused on sparking a romance between James and Shepard. He’d just gotten his wires a little crossed, is all.
None of it mattered anyway. This wasn’t about him. This was about Shepard. And James.
He’d really messed things up, though, and he wasn’t sure how to make things right. He was supposed to be pushing James toward Shepard, but instead he had gotten between them and ended up hurting James. God, his face. He had looked so sad when Kaidan pulled away. He covered it up quick enough, but Kaidan was sure he’d never forget that look of hurt and confusion. It was digging a hole into his chest, sharp and deep.
Maybe the best he could do for now was just to stay out of their way. At least then he couldn’t do any more damage.
And so, Kaidan went out of his way to avoid James as much as was possible within the relatively close confines of a frigate. He was relatively successful at first. He made sure to grab breakfast while James was still down in the cargo bay getting his morning PT in and started taking his dinners into the lounge under the guise of catching up on paperwork.
Of course, Shepard being Shepard, it didn’t take long before he noticed something was off. After three days of ducking James, Shepard cornered Kaidan while he was grabbing his morning coffee. He was never up this early if he didn’t have to be, so clearly this was a planned intervention. He didn’t even try to hide it.
“So, what’s going on with you and James?” Kaidan had barely opened his mouth before Shepard cut him off. “Don’t, Kaidan. We’ve known each other too long for you to be able to bullshit me, and you haven’t exactly been subtle about it.”
Kaidan sighed and rubbed at his forehead. His head wasn’t even hurting him this morning, it had just become a habit when he was stressed.
“It’s nothing, Shepard, really. It was just a misunderstanding, and things are a little awkward at the moment. We’ll move past it, and I promise it won’t affect the mission.”
“I’m not worried about the mission, Kaidan. I’m worried about you. You’ve always done this. You isolate yourself when you don’t want to confront a problem. It’s not healthy, and it’s not fair to James.”
That last bit stung. He had to take a second to breathe through it, to calm himself down and not make a snap reply he would undoubtedly regret the moment it left his mouth.
“You’re right,” he managed to admit, only sounding the tiniest bit bitter. “You’re always right,” he continued with the tiniest smirk on his lips, “I guess that’s why they put you in charge, huh?”
“Not always,” Shepard shrugged. “I just know you.”
Kaidan could swear he saw a flush colouring Shepard’s cheeks, but he blinked, and Shepard had turned away to pour his own mug of coffee.
“So, you’ll talk to James then?” he asked as he stirred in the creamer.
“Yes, sir.” Kaidan teased with an exaggerated formality.
“Good, because we’re hitting Purgatory tonight for drinks and I expect you to play nice.”
Kaidan had chosen the wrong moment to take a sip of his coffee and was left red-faced and coughing as he choked on his beverage.
Shepard took advantage of his enforced muteness, continuing, “don’t even try to argue your way out of it. I will make it an order if I have to.” With his coffee prepared, and his ultimatum set, Shepard headed for the elevator. Just before the door slid shut, he added, “this’ll be the perfect opportunity for you two to kiss and make up.”
With a groan, Kaidan slumped against the counter. Maybe he did feel a migraine coming on after all—
~ ~ ~
He hadn’t exactly lied to Shepard; Kaidan did talk to James before the evening began – they’d passed each other in the hall earlier and they had both said hi. Kaidan had even thrown in a “I guess I’ll see you later tonight?” for good measure. James, for his part, had nodded and grunted an affirmative at him while avoiding eye contact.
This wasn’t going to be awkward at all.
At exactly 21:00 ship time, Kaidan walked through the doors of Purgatory, eyes already twitching at the strobing lights and pounding music. He might not want to be there, but damned if he wouldn’t be punctual.
Despite his careful timing, Shepard had arrived first; Kaidan spotted the man waving him over from a booth near the bar. He was relieved to note that the music was a bit less loud on this end of the club, and he could actually hear Shepard’s greeting without too much strain.
“You look good!” Shepard pitched his voice up a bit over the din while giving Kaidan an appreciative once-over.
Kaidan hoped the lighting would mask the flush in his cheeks; he had been blushing far more this week than befit the dignity of a 35-year-old Alliance major. He had spent entirely too much time deciding on an outfit for the night, unused to dressing for clubs and not really sure what was appropriate. He had settled on a dark blue button-down that he had been told brought out his eyes and a light pair of linen trousers that were comfortable and breathable for the typically overheated space. More practical than showy, but that was just who he was.
“Thanks, you too.” And he really did, dressed relatively casual, while somehow still looking decidedly risqué – his t-shirt just a little too tight and the material shimmering with a vague iridescence that drew the eye to the generous musculature beneath.
Kaidan forced himself to look away before the situation with his heated face got any worse. He scanned the club, unable to stop himself from noting the exits and key defensible positions – it never hurt to be prepared for a hasty exit. Part of him was hoping that James would bail on the evening, and he found himself wondering if Shepard had had to threaten him into attending as well, but as his eyes passed over the main entrance once more, he caught sight of a familiar, hulking figure.
Shepard seemed to have spotted him around the same time, waving enthusiastically once more to get the man’s attention. Kaidan swallowed hard as James approached, he was dressed in basically the same thing he usually wore around the ship – a tight t-shirt stretched dangerously thin over those massive arms – though he had switched out his standard uniform pants for a pair of jeans that hugged his thighs in a way that, frankly, should be illegal.
Kaidan really needed a drink. He found himself wondering just how rude it would be if he headed to the bar while James was still making his way over—
He didn’t have time to work it out before James was on them, tossing out greetings and sliding in beside Shepard – across from Kaidan, but still determinedly avoiding eye contact with the man, even while saying a friendly hello.
Kaidan did not miss Shepard’s pointed look between the two of them.
Before James could even fully settle, Shepard was pushing him to get up again. “First round’s on me, boys,” he said as he slid past James. Kaidan noted the quick peek at the back half of Shepard’s pants and felt a tiny burst of optimism, but that optimism was quickly crushed by awkward dread as James reclaimed his seat and he realized the two of them were now stuck alone.
Kaidan feigned intense interest in the ceiling as he desperately racked his brain for any sort of innocuous topic he could bring up, but his mind stayed stubbornly blank. James was apparently the braver of the two (that really shouldn’t have surprised him) and broke the silence first with a sigh.
“Look, I know I already said it, but I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to freak you out the other night. It was a dumb lapse in judgement, and it won’t happen again.”
Kaidan tore his eyes from the lighting rigs to see James staring at him very earnestly, his blunt nails digging nervously at his cuticles.
“You didn’t freak me out, James.” The lieutenant arched a skeptical eyebrow at him. “No, really. I was just— surprised.” He took a deep breath before continuing. “And I know I didn’t react well in the moment and I’m sorry for that. And I’m sorry I’ve been avoiding you since then, it was unprofessional and unnecessary. I just thought it might make things simpler.”
“I get that, K. I do. But it’s been killing me thinking that I fucked up our friendship. Not a lot of friends left these days—”
Kaidan’s stomach turned. Shit. He’d really messed this up.
“I was the one fucking up our friendship, James. And that’s done now, I promise. I’m sorry for how I behaved and, if it’s okay with you, I’d like to go back to how things were.”
The smile that grew across James’ face was beautiful to see. He stopped picking at his fingers and held out one huge hand, which Kaidan quickly accepted with a firm shake.
“Sounds like a plan, K.”
“Now that’s what I like to see!” Shepard set a tray of drinks down on the table, arriving with impeccable and – Kaidan suspected – carefully planned timing.
He saw his own sheepish expression reflected in James’ face, but Shepard was merciful enough to leave it at that, handing out drinks and chatting away happily.
It didn’t take long for the three of them to fall into a comfortable rhythm of conversation, drinks, and jokes, staying firmly away from work-related topics – something of a miracle for the three of them. Any lingering unease was washed away with the alcohol as the night wore on.
Of course, if there was one thing Kaidan knew about James, it was that he never liked to sit still for too long. They were three or four rounds in when he became visibly restless, his eyes lingering on the dance floor above them.
“Go ahead, James.” Kaidan laughed. “We’ll wait here.”
“I don’t wanna go alone!” He pouted, like he wasn’t two hundred and twenty pounds of muscled marine.
Shepard patted him on the bicep consolingly. “I’d go with you James, but you have to promise not to make fun of me.”
“You know you’re really not as bad a dancer as everyone claims you are. Respectable even.” Kaidan chimed in.
“I appreciate the vote of confidence, Kaidan.” Shepard’s smile left him feeling warm, or maybe it was the booze.
James cut in again. “We’re not leaving K here by himself! That’s just rude.”
“I really don’t mind James, promise. You two have fun!” Somewhere in the back of his slightly fuzzy mind, Kaidan recognized this as a potential victory.
“Absolutely not, K! You gotta come with us!” God, he really was good at the pouting thing, those brown eyes growing unnervingly puppy-like.
“You really don’t want to see me dance, James. I don’t know how Shepard got the reputation of worst dancer with me around.” He rubbed at his neck nervously, trying to figure out how he was going to get out of this.
“It’s about having fun, Kaidan. You don’t need to be ‘good’ at it.”
“Yeah, K. Besides, no one will be watching you once they get a load of my moves.” James waggled his eyebrows and subtly flexed his muscles at him, until Kaidan couldn’t help but laugh.
“Fine!” He groaned in defeat. “One more shot first though; I need to be slightly drunker before I humiliate myself in front of you two.”
James practically bounced out of the booth, making a beeline for the bar where he must have either tipped really well or flirted with the bartender, because he was back with a round of shots in record time. He didn’t even sit back down before throwing his back, Kaidan and Shepard following quickly after. Kaidan barely had time to swallow before James was grabbing each of them by a hand and pulling them toward the stairs.
As soon as they hit the floor, James was off. It was obvious he lived for this; dancing came to him as naturally as breathing. It was a beautiful thing to behold, really. He moved with so much grace and energy, it was hypnotic. As James made a turn, Kaidan noticed that those thigh-hugging jeans we’re just as form-fitting in the back and— wow.
He suddenly remembered that Shepard was there too and forced himself to stop ogling the dancing marine, but when he turned, he saw that Shepard was clearly not immune to James’— charms, either.
Noticing Kaidan watching him, Shepard looked up and they shared a guilty smirk as they realized they had both been caught in the act. Shepard just shrugged and fell in next to James. He wasn’t naturally fluid like James was, but he could at least find the beat and his enthusiasm made up for his lack of talent.
It was at this point that Kaidan started to panic. He really was not good at dancing. He could never quite catch the beat and had no idea what he was supposed to be doing with his arms. He started to think that maybe he could escape before anyone noticed, but as he was turning to make his retreat, a strong pair of hands grabbed him by the waist and pulled him back.
“Oh no you don’t!” Shepard shouted over the music. “If James wants to dance, we’re dancing!”
Kaidan groaned in defeat, even though Shepard likely couldn’t hear him. Although he might be able to feel the vibration, seeing as he had pulled Kaidan nearly flush with his body.
“It’s not that hard, I promise.” Shepard spoke right into his ear so he wouldn’t have to shout. Kaidan shivered as his warm breath ghosted over his neck. “Just loosen up! Let me guide you.”
Shepard moved his hands from Kaidan’s waist, down to his hips, his fingers taking firm hold through the thin linen. Kaidan bit the inside of his cheek to supress the feelings that were stirring in him.
It’s just dancing. Stop overthinking it, Kaidan.
He tries to follow Shepard’s instructions. Letting his muscles go a bit lax and allowing Shepard to control the rhythm of his hips. It was a bit awkward at first, but it didn’t take long – between the alcohol and the headier intoxication of being touched by a beautiful man – for him to relax into it. With Shepard’s lead, he felt like he was starting to understand how to follow the music and let instinct take over.
Meanwhile, James – who had been lost in his own world for some time now – finally turned and noticed his companions’ dance lessons. His face broke out in a huge grin as he approached.
“Not bad, K!” Now he had James’ deep timbre rumbling in his other ear, and damn if it wasn’t doing something to him. “Now you gotta move your arms too!”
James grabbed both of Kaidan’s hands in his own larger ones and lifted his arms over his head, moving closer until Kaidan was sandwiched between the two men and wondering if his heart was about to give out. Shepard held him from behind and James from the front, and together they maneuvered Kaidan’s body into something at least reminiscent of a proper dance.
“See?” Shepard was back at his ear. “You just needed to relax and turn your brain off for a bit.”
Kaidan’s brain was definitely turning off. Other parts of him were turning on in its place. Some distant voice in his head was screaming about what a bad idea this was, but the hands on his body and the voices in his ear were much closer and harder to ignore. He decided to follow their lead instead.
Once he had let himself truly relax, Kaidan found it really wasn’t that hard. He wouldn’t be winning any dance competitions any time soon, but the rhythm felt natural, and he was finding the whole experience to be rather addicting. He could see why James loved this so much.
Of course, the company was likely key to the experience.
Song after song went by, mostly blending into each other after a while. It was hot on the upper level, with all the gyrating bodies, including the two he was held closely between. They were all sweating heavily, but no one seemed to mind. Well, no one except Kaidan’s not-quite-as-young-as-it-used-to-be body. He was hit with a brief wave of vertigo and stumbled slightly, stepping on one of Shepard’s feet.
“Whoa there! You good?” Shepard ducked his head to check Kaidan’s eyes.
“I’m fine! Just a bit warm, is all.” The dizziness had already passed, but he realized how thirsty he was.
Like he’d read his mind, James leaned in. “I forgot to tell you the most important rule of dancing, K. You gotta stay hydrated! I’ll be right back!”
Before Kaidan could protest, James was weaving his way across the crowded floor, disappearing behind the crush of bodies. For the briefest of moments, Kaidan panicked at the change in dynamic, but Shepard quickly took over, pulling him closer against his body. Shepard ran warm at the best of times, but right then, with the dancing and heat from all the bodies around them, it felt like there was fire coursing just beneath his skin. Despite the sheen of sweat already covering him, Kaidan felt comforted by that heat.
The music had shifted to something a bit slower, bass thrumming through the floor and deep into his bones. He closed his eyes and swayed lazily in Shepard’s grip, less dancing and more just enjoying the sensations and the movement.
“You two look really good together, you know?” Kaidan startled slightly at the voice in his ear, hadn’t realized Shepard had moved that close. He opened his eyes again to see those impossibly blue ones lightly crinkled in a gentle smile. He must have looked as confused as he felt, because Shepard clarified, “you and James.”
“What? Oh, no. It’s not like that! We’re just friends.” Kaidan sputtered, trying to explain.
“Relax, Kaidan. It’s fine. You know I don’t care about fraternization. I’m happy for you both, really.”
He wanted to fight him on it, to deny it, but Shepard continued before he could collect his thoughts.
“Though if I had known you liked men, I would have made my move back when I was still XO.” Shepard laughed so casually at that, though there was a hint of something almost sad in his eyes – regret maybe.
Kaidan had stopped moving, but he felt his entire world tilt on its axis. He blinked hard a few times, trying to clear his head, trying to determine if Shepard had actually said what he thought he just said.
“Kaidan?” Shepard was starting to look concerned; he touched a hand to the side of his face and something in Kaidan snapped.
He was kissing Shepard. He wasn’t even entirely sure how it had happened, but he was definitely kissing Shepard. And, god, it was incredible. How many times had he dreamt of this exact moment? Those dreams could never compare. Not when Shepard was kissing him right back, hands gripping the sides of his face, tongue pushing past his lips, their bodies now pressed fully to each other, utterly ignoring the crowd around them.
It was a perfect moment. A perfect kiss. He hadn’t been kissed like this since—
Fuck.
Kaidan ripped himself away from Shepard in an instant as clarity hit like a brick. He turned in horror, already knowing what he would see, because of course he would.
Sure enough, James stood only a few meters away, bottles of water clutched in his hands and the most indecipherable look on his face. Before Kaidan could say a word, James turned and walked back the way he had come.
Kaidan immediately followed, shoving his way past the tightly packed bodies until he found his way to the smaller bar that lined the dancefloor. James was leaning against the bar, facing away from the floor, fingers nervously toying with the water bottles he had procured. Kaidan quickly moved in beside him.
“James, I am so sorry. That was a shitty thing to do. I drank too much— and the dancing— it didn’t mean anything, really.” He heard himself echoing James’ own words from a few days before.
James looked up at him and smiled. He was actually smiling at him. It wasn’t an angry grimace or a bitter grin, but a genuine – if slightly sad – smile.
“It’s fine, K. Really. I’ve seen the way you two look at each other; I know you’ve got history together.” He reached out and patted his arm, as if he was trying to comfort him. “I think it’s great, honestly. You both deserve some happiness.”
Kaidan just stared, utterly stunned. He really meant it. How could any man be this good?
Somewhere between disbelief and anger, Kaidan managed to spit out, “you’re too goddamn selfless James.” And then, for the second time in a handful of minutes, Kaidan was pressing his lips to another man’s.
It took James one long second to respond, but then he was giving as good as he got, wrapping his arms around Kaidan’s waist and deepening the kiss until they were both breathless. When they finally separated, James’ eyes were hazy and half-lidded. For a few moments he looked positively blissful, but then the fog started to lift and his features shifted to anger.
“You can’t do that.” He sounded genuinely hurt now. “It’s not fair, to either of us. You have to make a choice.”
“Why?” Kaidan jumped as Shepard’s voice came from behind him. Somehow, in all of this, he had forgotten about Shepard. He should probably get his short-term memory checked out; this was becoming a recurring issue.
James looked less surprised, but infinitely more confused.
“Why? What do you mean, why?”
Shepard ignored his question, moving around Kaidan he stopped close in front of James and placed a hand on the back of his neck. He leaned in slowly, giving the other man plenty of time to pull away.
He didn’t.
Kaidan watched, completely fascinated, as Shepard kissed James. It was soft and sweet, but nowhere near chaste. Completely different from the way he had just been kissing Kaidan— and the way Kaidan had been kissing James. This kiss was a question.
He had no idea how much time had passed when Shepard stepped back, but James was once again breathless and dazed. Before anyone could gather their thoughts, Shepard turned and repeated the same steps with Kaidan, lightly cupping the back of his neck before carefully leaning in for a gentler version of their previous kiss. It was somehow even better than the first.
As he pulled away, Shepard’s hand traced down Kaidan’s arm until he was grasping his hand. With the other he reached out and took hold of James’ as well.
“I mean, I think we work really well together, don’t we?”
Kaidan’s head was spinning, his mind trying to sort through a hundred different questions and scenarios. He could feel the migraine building—
Then James reached out and took his other hand, and it stopped.
He looked between the two of them and his mind settled.
This felt right.
Shepard leaned a bit closer, smiling. “Maybe we should go somewhere we can actually talk?”
They all agreed that was probably a good idea. They chugged down their waters – after a brief lecture on hydration from James – paid off their tab and headed for the Normandy.
But as they made their way through the halls, eyes – and then hands – began to wander. Sidelong glances became a brushing of fingers became an inappropriately placed caress. They managed to behave themselves for the walk through the CIC, but by the time they reached the relative privacy of the elevator, all bets were off. They crashed together in an uncoordinated press of limbs and lips, hands searching frantically for any trace of bared flesh they could seize on to. When the doors slid open on the top deck, they barely separated enough to make it through the opening and into Shepard’s – thankfully spacious – quarters.
All plans of talking this through had been lost to the clinging heat of three soldiers who had all gone without for entirely too long. All the stress and chaos of their daily lives transmuting into a searing passion and a need to express it without further hesitation.
Somehow, they managed to find their way down the few steps and across the room to Shepard’s bed without any major injuries. Clothes were hastily shed along the way, and if a few stitches in a too-tight t-shirt happened to rip, or a button on a well-tailored shirt happened to pop off in the rush, well— no one seemed to mind.
On the battlefield, the three men had worked together seamlessly, their individual styles complimenting each other’s and bringing out the best in all of them. Just as this had translated onto the dancefloor, it flowed now into the bedroom as they quickly found a comfortable rhythm between their bodies. Where there had been so much misunderstanding between them over the last week, here they communicated effortlessly, each man guiding the other with a word, a glance, a touch.
As their passion peaked and then cooled – their bodies relaxing into the bed as they caught their breath – Kaidan was again overcome with the deep-seated conviction that this was right. This was exactly where they were meant to be. Looking at the men beside him, he could tell that they felt the same.
Eventually they would have to get around to having a proper discussion about rules and boundaries and maybe even – if the war would allow it – the future. But for now, here in this bed, they had found their place together. And that was more than enough.