Chapter Text
It’s getting colder now, winter season is coming and it won’t be long before it will be snowing again.
It has been cold long enough but Seonghwa didn’t bother to check the window to look for any snow, he doesn’t even feel anything at the moment.
The sun was already gone the moment Seonghwa woke up after that night. There’s no sun and Seonghwa didn’t want to look out the window anymore.
He feels good enough to just stared into nothing and felt numb to it. He tried to get up from the bed but he couldn’t, he doesn’t want to force himself and it doesn’t feel right to do it anyway.
His child would kick from the inside if they felt that Seonghwa didn’t move to exercise because being active was supposed to be good for future child.
But he didn’t dwell deep into that because it doesn’t matter.
Seonghwa sighs and pull the blanket around his body once more, wincing when the slight movement made his belly throbbed painfully.
He rubbed the surface carefully and internally whispered a soft apology. Just when his eyes are started to get teary, the door opened and the omega stiffens, he stopped moving immediately.
Seonghwa must have got distracted earlier to not smell a whiff of incoming tangerine and sandalwood to his room. His grip on the blanket tightened at the smell that invaded his spaces rapidly now.
He scowled but doesn’t move out from the mount of blankets on his bed. He heard a soft sigh and a tray being put on the small table beside the bed, the bed dipped gently.
He can smells the food now, and inhales deeply. Anything to get rid of that tangerine scent.
“Love, it’s time to eat.”
He didn’t reply, he never did. He just kept his body stiff.
“You should eat something now, my love,” the other tried again desperately but Seonghwa didn’t care, he refused to give in to the other.
“Everyone is getting worried now. You can’t stay like this, we need—I need you to gain some strength. I need you to eat, Seonghwa,” Hongjoong’s voice cracked at the end and the alpha took a shaky breath.
Seonghwa pointly ignored that but he did moved this time. He push the blanket off his shoulder and rest against the headboard. The alpha’s eyes widen at that, he quickly took the tray of food and looked at the omega, hopeful.
Seonghwa should have feel something at that action, it showed how much the king had cared for him and wanted him to gain his strength again.
But Seonghwa stared at him blankly and the king swallowed nervously.
“Please, Seonghwa. Eat a little for me—for them,” Hongjoong said softly but he realized it too late that it’s the wrong thing to say to Seonghwa now.
The omega’s eyes harden at the mention of his unborn pup. Hongjoong stiffened and his mouth fell opened “Seonghwa—”
But the taller had enough and moved slowly to lay down again. This time pulling the blanket all the way to his head and Hongjoong knows that he was dismissed.
That was it.
Hongjoong had lost him just like that. Again.
Hongjoong finally felt the tears spilled from his eyes slowly. A sudden sob threatened to wreck off his throat and he gripped his clothes tightly. He had lost his greatest love because of his wrong assumptions.
The alpha felt his chest tightened and his breath stuttered, it feels like a part of his life was gone in a flash and he couldn’t do anything about it.
It has been months, four months since Seonghwa stepped out from this cursed room. Four months since Seonghwa ever talked to him, he didn’t hear anything from the taller anymore after that night.
It was hard, Seonghwa would took some food when he was closed to faint and only fancied himself a lot of plain water all these times.
And it has been four whole days since he had touched any food properly now. Wooyoung would alway cried in despair when he saw how the consort didn’t eat his food back then.
Every time cold food got delivered back to the royal kitchen, Wooyoung would looked back at it in sorrow.
On worse days when Seonghwa would have gone long enough without a proper food, the omega chef would broke down on the floor, cried his heart out at the utter rejection of something that he had made.
There were times where he fell on the floor when the pain on his chest had been too much to handle and looked up to Hongjoong. The King’s heart had shattered in pieces at the look of the hopelessness on the chef’s face.
“Please, my Lord.”
Wooyoung had pleaded, several times and it gave the same meaning each time.
“Please fix this—please bring him back, my Lord.”
Hongjoong hoped he can do that truthfully. But that has been impossible for months now.
He can beg for the omega’s forgiveness, he had been doing that every single day too. But Seonghwa—he wouldn’t speak, no matter what happened. Seonghwa wouldn’t even looked at him without that cold look, he wouldn’t offer anything else to him and that broke Hongjoong.
His alpha would always felt the most pain of the obvious rejection from his omega, their omega. Hongjoong had been on his knees every day since then, he refused to let anyone else to take the food to his omega.
The king took those tray of food by himself to the omega’s room, every single day. He offered everything for the taller, he begged for forgiveness every time.
Hoping for something, hoping for anything from his omega.
He can’t give up like this and he certainly wouldn’t give up on his omega because he knew that Seonghwa needed him the most at time like this. It don’t feel right to the omega now but the young king is willing to wait for him, he would wait for the omega to come around again.
But that doesn’t mean that it didn’t broke his heart every time he got denied.
It doesn’t mean that his alpha wouldn’t curled in pain at the loss of that comforting scents. The comforting scents of peaches have gone rotten.
The rotten smell would burnt the king’s nose and brought tears every time. Because it’s the reminder of what happened.
It’s the reminder of what he couldn’t prevent. It’s the reminder of his fault.
He caused this and he deserved it.
So the king held his breath in, put the tray of food on the table again and moved from the bed. He goes down like he has always done and he might have saw how Seonghwa’s body stiffened again at the sound of his movements but he still kneeled slowly.
Hongjoong lowered his head, letting the tears falling from his eyes freely. He couldn’t even stop the way the uncontrolled sobs came out from his throat this time.
He usually composed himself. But now his chest heaved almost painfully, “Seonghwa,” his voice cracked but he tried to calm himself.
Seonghwa deserved this and it was the least that he can do, because his omega deserved more than this.
“I’m sorry, love. I’m so sorry,” he sobbed out and more tears came out. His own tangerine scents started to burn his throat and it tasted bitter.
“Please say something, Seonghwa. Tell us anything. Tell me—tell me what to do. I can’t bear this. I can’t see you like this, love. I can’t live seeing you like this,” he looked up and hiccuped when it got harder to breathe.
He needed his omega now, he needed to hear him, anything from him. He would take anything at this point, he just needed to hear his omega’s voice.
“Please—please talk to me. Curse me, yell at me, be mad or hit me. I can take it—no. I will take it because I deserve it but please don’t do this, love. Please don’t let this take you away from me,” the young king wiped his tears roughly and stared at the bundled up man on the bed.
Seonghwa didn’t move anymore and Hongjoong slumped in dejection, his knees throbbed but he clenched his jaw and ignored the pain that creeped up his legs.
He stayed in that position and lowered his head again, it has been a regular thing since months ago.
The king would stay in that position until someone knocked the door and slide it opened. Sometimes it would be San, but most of the time it was Yunho who would gathered him up and pulled the king out of the room and this time, it’s him again.
His personal guard took the tray of food and gave it back to the king before lead them to the kitchen. Hongjoong is aware of the state of his knees, how it must have been bruised badly now because it would be that way.
He would kneeled on the hard floor extra long when Seonghwa refused to touch the food.
“Your Majesty, I will call Yeosang to your room to treat your knees. So please go straight to your room after this,” the guard started, “at least, do this for me,” he added softly.
Hongjoong kept his head low and gripped the tray hard, he knew what his personal guard had meant by that.
Sometimes when things go hard, Hongjoong would go to the rooftop garden and wandered around alone.
He would wandered far too close to the end of the balcony and Yunho didn’t want to be remind again on how he had to pull the young king harshly when he lost himself like that.
A couple of times that it happened, Hongjoong would reassured the guard how it was not his intention at all. He had just been distracted, his mind just wandered far enough that his body just moved by himself.
Because he wouldn’t do that to Seonghwa. Even a quick death doesn’t do justice, he won’t do that.
He doesn’t deserve a quick death like that.
But he understood where Yunho came from so he let one of his hand gently rubbed the guard’s arm. Yunho breathed out in relief, satisfied with the little action.
They arrived at the kitchen and Hongjoong braced himself when he saw the Wooyoung’s back. The chef prepared lunch now and his head snapped back when he caught the smell of a burn tangerine.
Hongjoong put the tray on the counter and lowered his eyes on it.
Wooyoung swallowed when he saw the untouched food on that tray. The chef shook his head and turned back around to grip the counter tightly. Holding himself back, the chef washed his hands and grabbed the tray from the counter.
“This can’t go on forever, Your Majesty. I can’t keep throwing these food away,” Wooyoung said shakily, he dumped the food and started to wash everything.
Hongjoong bit his lower lip and sighed, “I have been trying Young-ah, I didn’t stop yet. It’s just…he needs more time and I can’t force food on him like that,” he muttered slowly and Wooyoung turned around, hands stopped their movements.
“Try harder then. Because I hate feeling like this. I hate this and everything, I want him back on his feet again so do something, please,” the chef responded.
He was about to add something else before he stopped himself and turned on the sink again.
“Thank you, Your Majesty. I would like to get back to my work now.”
Yunho sighed and tried to get in between them, “Wooyoung, please watch your tone—” but Hongjoong stopped him. The king shook his head at that and turned to leave the kitchen. Yunho trailed behind him, defeated.
“You know it’s not his fault. I deserve that and I can take it, Yunho,” the king mumbled and Yunho sighed again, “it’s not about that, Your Majesty. Both of you are hurting, everyone else too. But it’s not fair to put everything on you alone when I have seen the way you cope with this. You are hurting too,” Yunho retorted and Hongjoong chuckled weakly.
“My pain is incomparable to my omega, Yunho. I had long accepted it, I won’t lash out just because everything keeps reminding me of my failure, you know this,” Yunho shakes his head and Hongjoong was grateful that he didn’t offer anything else.
The conversation ended there and Hongjoong was brought back to his room. Yunho muttered about Yeosang’s arrival later to treat him and he just nodded at that. The door closed and he moved to the window.
He looked up to the sky and thought back to his omega.
“What do you think about their gender, Alpha? Do you want a strong son? Or do you want the prettiest daughter ever?” Seonghwa giggled playfully and Hongjoong smiled at that. He rubbed the omega’s round belly softly.
Had it been that long already? It’s getting bigger and bigger everyday, and now Seonghwa can barely reach his feet.
The omega would waddled around cutely while whined about how his clothes don’t fit anymore.
“Hm, let’s see. A handsome son like me,” the omega rolled his eyes fondly but didn’t cut him off, “or a gorgeous daughter like her omega father? Sounds like one of the hardest questions for me,” Seonghwa’s face reddened and he slapped the king’s chest lightly.
“You’re embarrassing. I was just joking for that,” he pouted and Hongjoong laughed.
Oh he can’t wait to see what his omega has made in his stomach now with their love. He was giddy with the thought.
The king can’t wait to see their child, he had secretly hopes that their child would get Seonghwa’s eyes though because the eyes held every stars inside. Those eyes are so big and beautiful.
He had fell in love deeply with those eyes.
“You know I don’t mind any gender, love. They would be showered with our love either way. I just want them to be healthy,” Hongjoong said softly and he kissed the omega’s forehead.
Seonghwa sighed and the sweet peaches scent was prominent now in the room. His omega was happy with his answer.
“What about their sub gender?” the taller bit his lips in worried and Hongjoong frown. He pulled the omega into a side hug and kissed his cheek, rested his lips on his temple.
The stereotypes of the subgenders will always be the main problem of pregnancies. Hongjoong hates the fact that it’s hard to change the perception of people outside the palace but he would be damned if he can’t protect his child and his omega through it.
“They can be a beta or omega and I would teach them everything that they need to know about the kingdom. They would grow up with the most healthy environment and I won’t let anything get near them, love. I promise.”
The omega took a deep breath and his lips wobbled, Hongjoong kissed the soft lips and Seonghwa responded quickly. He grabbed the alpha’s shoulder desperately.
“Thank you, Alpha. I know I can trust you,” he said fondly and Hongjoong grabbed his hand, holding in gently.
“Put your trust on me, love. You know I would protect you from anything,” the king kissed the back of Seonghwa’s hand and the omega smiled sweetly.
“With my life, darling. I trust you with my life.”
Hongjoong jolted back to the reality when the door opened, be turned around quickly, making his head spin.
Yeosang’s eyes widen at the king’s expression but then his shoulders loosened with understanding, the king must have missed it when he knocked the door earlier.
Hongjoong’s throat hurt and Yeosang bowed, “Your Majesty, Yunho told me about your knees. Please let me treat them now,” He said carefully and Hongjoong blinked.
The king realized now that there were fresh tears on his cheeks. So that’s why Yeosang didn’t question his stricken reaction.
Hongjoong nodded hastily and wiped his tears, making a move to the bed and let Yeosang took his seat. The healer put his kits on the table and began to do his work silently.
Hongjoong mind was about to wander again before he heard the healer cleared his throat. He turned to look at him in confusion, Yeosang looked down on his bruised knees again, “I asked you if everything’s fine with the journey to the north soon, Your Majesty.”
Hongjoong clenched his jaw, it had slipped from his mind that he must travel to the north, the coldest kingdom to make a deal about business connections.
It will be a long journey and Hongjoong doesn’t want to leave Seonghwa here. But he knows the omega wouldn’t leave his room.
He sighed heavily and brushed his hair back, “I forgot about that honestly. I have been trying to get Seonghwa to eat all these times. It slipped on my mind.”
Yeosang stopped his ministration and nodded, “he didn’t eat again?” the healer asked and Hongjoong shakes his head so the healer nodded again.
“I will ask Mingi to ensure everything is safe inside. He has been busy lately to make sure the palace is not accessible—from the outside,” the healer stated carefully and he winced when he saw the king’s hand tightened on the bed.
“Your Majesty—”
“I know, Yeosang. I trust you and Mingi for his safety later. It’s just—it’s hard now,” Hongjoong turned his head and looked out the window.
He hummed when he saw that it has been snowing again. The snow has stopped a few days ago and Hongjoong has been worried.
Sometimes it got so cold that he would resent the snowing season but he had long appreciated it when he knew Winter has been Seonghwa’s favorite season apart from Spring.
The omega loved to jump into the snow fields whenever he can back then. He also told the king how seeing snowflakes would always calmed him in some kind of ways.
So Hongjoong had hoped that it would snow everyday, he wanted the snow to become Seonghwa’s comfort especially now.
Seeing how it has started to snow again somehow made him relieved, so he made up his mind.
“Can you let Yunho know that I want the horses ready? I will start to pack later and we will leave at dawn,” Yeosang’s head shot up and his eyebrows furrowed in worried.
“Tomorrow? My Lord, weren’t you supposed to leave in 3 days?” Yeosang asked hastily and Hongjoong sighed, “it would be wise to go there early and get it done quickly. Also, it takes at least 2 days and a half to reach there and I don’t want to overstay at their kingdom. The sooner the better, Yeosang.”
It has an underlying message that he doesn’t want to leave Seonghwa here alone longer than necessary.
The king doesn’t want to prolong it and just want to keep trying to get the omega gain his strength again after this. The healer finally nodded in understanding, “for how long, Your Majesty?”
“Not more than seven days, hopefully. I will make sure we didn’t stop anywhere to camp out and rest longer than necessary,” Hongjoong reassured and Yeosang calm his stance.
“I understand, I will let Yunho know on my way out. He will deliver the message to the other guards and I will let Mingi know about this too. You will bring Jongho with you, right?”
Hongjoong nodded, though he moved to squeeze the healer’s shoulder gently, “we will be careful. Jongho is one of my best guard and your student too. He is certainly capable of anything and I need him to come with me, Yeosang,” the king knew Yeosang wouldn’t let his alpha go that far from him if it’s unnecessary.
Both of them know how dangerous the north can be. It’s one of the reason why Hongjoong could let it slide that his omega would be safe here instead of following him up there.
Not that Seonghwa would agree to follow him now with that condition of his, but Hongjoong’s alpha went restless with the thought of leaving their omega behind.
A lot of horror stories have been passed around, travelers that go to the north have spread a lot of tales through their kingdom. Some were lucky enough to get away just getting robbed but most were not lucky with such luck.
A lot of dead bodies were scattered all along the mountains, buried under those snow.
Bandits and murderers would always lurked up the north and Yeosang shuddered when he thought about letting his alpha go there. The healer thought about those rotten bodies under those snow, dead and cold, with no justice at all.
Still, Yeosang lowered his head in respect, “thank you, Your Majesty. I will let him know and give him a lot of medical kits. You can trust him on that, he’s skillful now. I taught him a lot,” the king smiled gratefully and let him took his leave.
Hongjoong sinked on the bed, deep in thought before he made the decision to see his omega again after he’s done packing his things.
He has to see him before he leave. It won’t be long. He will make sure to be back to the palace in seven days.
Slowly, he moved to the closet and started to pack the things that he needs, he made sure to pack lightly. The king was determined to not overstay his visit.
An hour passed by and the king finally put his packed things aside. His maids would pack his necessities later so this would do for now, he sighed in relief and rubbed his aching neck.
His knees still throbbed every now and then when he moved but Yeosang’s healing balm has started to do it jobs now, it’s already felt better than before, thankfully.
Hongjoong got out from his room and moved downstairs, Seonghwa always complained how his feet would hurt because he would constantly go upstairs to the king’s room.
After all, they had started out as a mere consort and a king before it went deep than that. So the king had jumped into the action immediately.
He moved into the taller’s room afterwards and the omega had preened in happiness.
“Thank you for doing this for me, my Alpha.”
Seonghwa had told him that but Hongjoong thought how it would be ridiculous to not provide anything other than comfort to the omega. That was a bare minimum and Hongjoong would gladly do it any time.
But things had been different now so he moved back to his main room again.
The king arrived at the omega’s room and took a shaky breath, he raised his hand hesitantly and knocked. Hongjoong waited for a moment before he carefully moved to open the door.
Tried to open because now he realized that the door was locked.
Seonghwa has locked the door and Hongjoong was stunned because Seonghwa didn’t lock the door before this.
The omega knew that the maids, him or the healer would come to check on him so he never bothered locking the door. Seonghwa didn’t respond to any of them either way.
So the king didn’t know what to think of now that he knows Seonghwa locked the door right after Hongjoong has lost control to his emotions earlier.
Hongjoong takes a deep breath and knocked gently, “Seonghwa?”, a hint of peaches caught his sense, he sighed in relief and rest his forehead on the door.
Somehow, his alpha understood that the omega doesn’t want anyone to get into his spaces now, so Hongjoong respect that. He would give the omega his space if he wanted to.
“Seonghwa, I have to leave tomorrow—at dawn. Me and the others will travel to the north kingdom to seal a promising business. I—I came here just to tell you this,” the alpha said loud enough for the omega to hear from the inside.
There was no sound and the scent of peach started to burn, it will become rotten in a matter of seconds so Hongjoong swallowed harshly.
“My love, please understand that I would never leave you alone here, I have been thinking about it but I know you need some time now. I will come back faster than you would even think, I promise,” he didn’t know why his promises started to sound pathetic now, but he tried his best to reassure the omega that he did thought about bringing him along instead of just leave.
“I left Yeosang, Wooyoung and Mingi here so they will take care of you. They will be here so please tell them anything that you need if you want to,” he added and started to move away from the door.
Hongjoong contemplated to say something else but then the door slide opened and he jolted.
Seonghwa appeared before him, the omega had the blanket on his shoulders and Hongjoong can see the way his body was shaking with exhaustion.
Even the effort to stand took so much from the omega.
Hongjoong’s mouth gapped, he held out his hand to support the omega’s body but then he saw how Seonghwa flinched away instead.
The king looked at those eyes and his heart squeezed painfully. Seonghwa had looked at him in anger, his eyes were tinted red and teary but the gaze remain hardened.
The omega clenched his jaw tight and he gripped the blanket tight enough that Hongjoong worried it might get ripped by the strength.
“Love—” the king started but then he cut himself off.
Because he saw it in the omega’s eyes now.
Hongjoong saw how Seonghwa nearly sneered at him and the peaches has rot so much now, it’s painfully clear. Seonghwa doesn’t want Hongjoong here.
The omega doesn’t want to hear him anymore and he certainly doesn’t want him close now.
Hongjoong’s hands dropped to his side and he lowered his head, he felt how his own body went cold and his blood freeze. Seonghwa had never look at him in this way, not even for the past four months.
Not even after that night.
Hongjoong felf how his heart beats erratically and his hands started to shake, his alpha was getting distressed too. Because both of them saw it loud and clear in Seonghwa’s eyes, the omega didn’t have to voice it out.
Leave and don’t return.
Hongjoong tears started to fall and the door has slammed so hard in his face. He almost dropped on the floor but he took a shaky breath and mumbled a weak “I’m sorry,” to the closed door.
The king turned away and didn’t look back because he felt like he has truly lost his omega now.
He had failed to keep his trust, he can’t save him.
You can only try to save something that’s not already gone.
Still, he can’t save him now.