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Feng Xin hadn’t given his own ascension a whole lot of thought in a while. When he was younger, before the war, he had thought that maybe if he did ever ascend officially that it would be one of the best days of his life. He was sure that Mu Qing would have definitely ascended before him, if he ascended then it would be the day that they all finally could stand on equal footing. The few times he had let himself imagine it he had seen it as only magnificent.
But Feng Xin doesn’t feel magnificent. He’s so tired. The demon he had fought just earlier had been challenging and he had physically exhausted himself. And now that he was here in Heaven there were so many people he didn’t know surrounding him. And people kept asking him to do things. Set up this, sign that. He understood that they had to make things happen to get him started as a god. But couldn’t he have a fucking minute to breath.
Ling Wen obviously didn’t recognize him. Which was fine, the last time he had been here he had just been a junior official and she had been extremely overworked by the civil god she was working under. It would have been unrealistic to expect her to remember him. But he was starting to get the sinking feeling that he didn’t want to be here. Which felt kind of blasphemous. Who didn’t want to be a god?
“Oh, we’ll need to get you set up in the spiritual communication array. That is a way that heavenly official’s are able to communicate with each other telepathically. You will need to come up with a password or phrase that a person will need to say in order to communicate with you in your personal communication array. Please think of something that will be easy to remember. Changing it later on can be quite a hassle.” Ling Wen said.
Feng Xin rubbed his eyes and tried not to scowl at her. “My communication array is already set up. I don’t need a new password.”
Ling Wen recoiled slightly but was able to recover quickly, making it look like she had never reacted at all. “You’ve been to heaven before?”
“Feng Xin!” Feng Xin was saved from needing to answer when Mu Qing’s voice called out amongst the crowd. The people gathered made way for him and the former servant was by his side in only a few moments. “Five years to ascend on your own. Pretty impressive.”
Feng Xin wasn’t sure if the other man was being sarcastic or not. But he knew better than to acknowledge that. He didn’t have the energy to fight Mu Qing right now. “Mu Qing, it’s been a long time.”
“You look terrible.” Mu Qing stated plainly after giving him a quick once over.
Feng Xin couldn’t help but bristle a little. Five years since they last saw each other and the first thing Mu Qing says is that he looks terrible. But the sheer relief he sees in Mu Qing’s expression stops him from immediately snapping back. “I just fought a heavenly tribulation. Of course I look terrible. I’m exhausted.”
“You’re not injured?” Mu Qing checked. Feng Xin just shook his head. “Then it could definitely be worse.”
Feng Xin knew that he was still angry and hurt from Mu Qing’s actions all those years ago. But right now he couldn’t handle those emotions, all he felt was a sense of relief. Relief at finally talking to someone he actually knows. Relief at seeing Mu Qing alive and well. Relief at being with a person he used to love so dearly again. Mu Qing was familiar and comforting.
“Ling Wen, Feng Xin was a junior official here less than a decade ago. Everything urgent is already handled. Surely the rest can wait until after he’s recuperated.” Mu Qing said to the stiff woman still standing with them. “He can stay with me until the merits from his Heaven Tribulation come in and he can afford to build his own place of residence.”
Ling Wen glanced between them uncertainly. “If General Xuan Zhen would not be too inconvenienced.” She reluctantly agreed. “Feng Xin, please come see me once you have fully rested.”
Mu Qing turned to the crowd as Ling Wen walked away. “Alright everyone, nothing to see here. He’ll meet you all formerly at a later date.” Then he grabbed Feng Xin’s hand and started dragged him away.
Mu Qing brought him to a palace and burst through the doors with all the confidence of someone who owned it. “This Palace is yours?”
“I know. But we’re gods now. A whole Palace to yourself is the norm.” Mu Qing shrugged. “I’m sure you’ll be able to rack in the merits quickly and be able to get your own place. But for now, there’s plenty of space for you here. I’ve got two junior officials, which basically means we still have to do everything ourselves but we’ll manage.”
Feng Xin nodded numbly, not even sure how he was feeling. It was nice to see Mu Qing so openly happy. “Have you got a washroom? I’d really like to get all this filth off me.”
“Forget a washroom, I’ve got a hot spring we can bathe in. It will make all those sore muscles feel so much better. Come on.” Mu Qing smiled.
Feng Xin zoned out most of what happened between Mu Qing mentioning the hot spring and the warm soothing feeling off actually dipping his body in the hot spring. But he didn’t think there was any talking so he didn’t miss anything important. It felt so nice to get all the grime and filth off of him. Like washing away all the bad and suffering of the last ten years.
After they were both thoroughly cleaned and were only still in the spring to relax. Mu Qing spoke softly, tone serious. “I know we didn’t part on the best of terms but I looked for you and Dianxia after I ascended. I figured no matter how mad at me you were. Living here with me had to be better than the mortal world. We’d be able to work it out. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t find you. The trail had long gone cold. I thought I’d never see either of you again. Should have known you could have just ascended yourself.”
“Wasn’t actually trying to, at the time.” Feng Xin replied, not sure what else to say. Mu Qing’s open happiness wasn’t something he knew how to respond to. How long had it been since he had last seen the other man happy?
Mu Qing shrugged off his rebuff without making it a thing for once and kept going. “Dianxia still doesn’t have a great reputation in heaven. There’s really not a lot that we can even do about that right now. But I’ve already asked the Heavenly Emperor and he said that even with his banishment, it would be fine if he was brought here as a junior deputy. It definitely will be weird to ask Dianxia to do work. But it’s better than manual labor or busking. And we can definitely make sure that most of his tasks are helping people which is what he wants to do anyway. It will be awkward, but if he’s here we can actually work on fixing his reputation. And it’s so much easier to ascend from here than it is in the mortal world. It probably won’t take him any time at all.”
Feng Xin realized with a sinking feeling that Mu Qing didn’t know that he had left Xie Lian too. That Mu Qing had thought the two of them had been together all this time. Mu Qing thought they could bring Xie Lian to heaven and fix all of their mistakes. No wonder the other man was so happy.
“And I know obviously you need time to recover and recuperate. So you can just tell me where to find him and I’ll deal with everything. I’ll go get him and bring him here. And I won’t pick a fight. And he can be your junior deputy so he still doesn’t want my help. He doesn't feel pressured or anything. I’d be helping you get on your feet. Becoming a god can be overwhelming. He knows that, it’s normal to have another god help you get your bearings for a little bit. And if I’m ever too much, I’ll…” Mu Qing was starting to ramble.
Feng Xin interrupting him before he could continue. “Mu Qing, I don’t know where Dianxia is either.”
“What?” Mu Qing’s eyes widened, his smile dropping.
Feng Xin couldn’t look at him, so he looked away. “A few months after we last saw you. Dianxia and I got in a fight. He sent me away. I tried to come back but… I couldn’t find him either. I haven’t seen him sense. I have no idea where he is.”
“You left him?” Mu Qing questioned sharply.
That at least was familiar. The anger in Mu Qing’s tone. What kind of friend did it make him that Mu Qing’s happiness was unfamiliar but his anger Feng Xin knew like the back of his hand? Well it was hardly a surprise that he was a bad friend. He has been acutely aware of that fact for some time now. “He ordered me to.”
“And you just obeyed like a loyal dog? After all the crap you gave me for leaving to take care of my dying mother. You abandoned him too. You’re such a hypocrite.” Mu Qing spat.
Feng Xin wanted to argue back, wanted to lash out. But Mu Qing was right. He was a hypocrite. And he couldn’t get angry at Mu Qing right now, no matter how badly he wanted to. “He wasn’t… acting like himself. Seeing things that weren’t there. Getting drunk and attacking people in the street. Robbery. Shouting at his parents. Disappearing for weeks on end. I was scared for him. I was scared of him. I-I just needed a little break. Just a few days. I never meant to leave forever. I was always going to go back. And then I was sure I could take it. Whatever he wanted to throw at me, I could handle it. But he was just gone. Like he had never been there in the first place. Two days to get my shit together and he’s gone forever. You think I don’t know I messed up?”
“About three months after I saw you. Dianxia ascended again as a God of Misfortune. I wasn’t there. I was on a mission… but everyone describes it like he was crazy. Went mad. He attacked the Heavenly Emperor and was banished again in half an incense stick. He was banished again and this time he was alone.” Mu Qing had panic in his voice. Pure panic.
Feng Xin sank deeper into the hot spring, wishing he could hide from these feelings. “Is it even possible to ascend three times? What if we never see him again?”
“He has time on his side. I’ve never heard of it. But the Heavenly Emperor said he was immortal or something and he can’t die. So he has as much time as he needs to figure out how to ascend again. It has to be possible.” Mu Qing argued a little desperately.
Feng Xin looked back at Mu Qing trying to convey the fear he felt. Hoping the other would understand him. “But how long will that take? How can we live without him? We can barely interact for a day without him there to mediate between us. How are we supposed to do this without him here?”
“I don’t know.” Mu Qing said.