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Here she was, standing in her backyard wearing her creamy white wedding dress, the soft fabric fluttered in the gentle breeze, her veil lying discarded next to her in the damp grass. The sun slowly set, coloring the sky in a mix of gold and pink leading to soft shades of purple.
She didn't know why she had let things go as far as she did, but now she wondered if she'd done the right thing. Her garden was set with beautifully decorated tables under white party tents, wildflowers arranged as centerpieces, and numerous clear glasses of various shapes and sizes filled with candles, all uniquely different. As the darkness fell, the lights she had hung in the trees yesterday shone brighter each passing moment. Far away she heard soft music playing. She had to close her eyes for a minute to concentrate on her breathing. A lump formed in her throat as she recalled the events of the day.
**********
Yesterday evening, when Pete left for the day she had finished the decorations alone, she wanted to do this on her own, wanting it to be perfect. She placed the last light in the tree and before she stepped down the ladder she knew he was there. She always knew when Jack O'Neill was close. She braced herself for what was coming, stepped down and turned to him. Her eyes met his and neither was able to speak. She knew why he was here, but it was too late. She gave him all the time to say something, she even showed him the ring before making a decision. She faltered for a moment when her dad became ill. Jack was there for her when she thought her dad might die, but when Selmak died the Tok’ra were able to save Jacob. So no more word was spoken that hinted against her upcoming wedding. And now in the evening before her wedding he came to her. His face was hard and his jaw clenched, yet his warm chocolate brown eyes radiate warmth and affection.
She was about to say something as he silenced her, placing his index finger on her soft lips. When his hands went back into his pockets her tongue darted out and licked her lips where his finger was pressed to them just moments before. It tasted like him.
“Carter, please, let me say what I came to say. If you interrupt me now I'm not sure I'm able to start this again.”
Their eyes met and she nodded, not daring to make any noise at all.
“I know this is probably the worst time to do this, but I'll regret it when I won't. I know this will not change anything and I'm not here because I want you to choose me. I want you to be happy and if it's him who makes you happy and makes you hum every day then I am happy for you. I told you I'd be there for you: always! And I meant it. Our friendship will remain no matter what. You're too important to me. I just thought that someday…someday I would be allowed to tell you how I feel, to tell you that I love you and to give you the life you deserve. But I'm getting older and it's not fair to ask you to wait for someday, to wait for me. And tomorrow when you're a married woman I'm not allowed to say this anymore. So, I'm sorry for all the missed opportunities, for every time I hadn't said anything because I was too afraid of everything changing. I love you Sam! I have for a very long time and I will forever love you. But I'll be your best friend when that's all you need me to and the proudest uncle to your children. I'll spoil them rotten, you know that, right?” He paused and Sam's eyes were filled with tears. “Come here!”
He stepped close enough to take her in his arms. His face buried in the crook of her neck and his arms tightened around her shoulders. Her arms holding onto his shoulders from behind, she silently whispered “Sorry!”
He leaned back to make sure she could see his eyes. “You've got nothing to be sorry for! You get the life you deserve, Sam. You'll be a beautiful bride tomorrow and a wonderful mother in the future. I gotta go now before I'm not able to. See you tomorrow.”
He leaned forward to place a kiss on her forehead, squeezed her hand a last time and locked up his feelings for good. Then he was gone.
The next day Cassie came to help her prepare for the big day, she noticed how nervous Sam suddenly was and she blamed it on the excitement. Less than three hours and she would be Mrs. Pete Shanahan. Cassie wasn't overly thrilled but supported her in every possible way. When Sam told them she'd get married, Cassie, Daniel and Teal’c were convinced it would be a matter of time before she'd break up the engagement. Neither of them was very fond of Pete, but in time they had accepted him. Sam was happy and that was all that mattered to them. Even Jack seems strangely okay with it and if he could be, so could they.
The ring of the doorbell brought Cassie back to reality. She closed Sam's dress and headed for the door.
“Grandpa Jake!” The teenager greeted Sam's dad. She loved it that he was living on earth now and that for the first time she had a grandad around.
“Cassie, hi! How is she?” He asked, curious about whether his daughter would go through with it or not.
“She's fine. A bit nervous, but that's to be expected, right? She's beautiful, come on, have a look.” She closed the door behind him and Jacob went looking for his daughter. He caught her staring through the backdoor.
“Wow, Sammie, you look just like your mother!” He whispered in awe. “Beautiful!” He kissed her cheek and hugged her. “You're ready to go?”
She nodded, “Yeah, I think I am.”
He observed her closely, “You know, Sam, you don't have to… “
But she didn't let him finish, “I'm ready to go, dad.” And then she smiled, “Let's get me married.”
The old wooden doors to the church opened and she was walking down the aisle beside her father. Light shone through the colorful windows and a song was played on the piano. Her eyes were on Pete, standing at the altar, watching them coming closer. He smiled at her and you could see he was equally nervous.
Letting her eyes wander around the church she saw Pete's family, her brother with wife and kids and her chosen family: Cassie, who was now her surrogate daughter, uncle George, Daniel, Teal'c and Jack, who also was smiling at her. Her mouth became dry and suddenly she couldn't imagine herself with Pete and the 2.4 kids. All she could see in her mind was a little girl with deep brown eyes and a boy whose brown hair was tangled and couldn't be tamed.
The wedding guests took a seat and the priest began to speak, Pete squeezed her hand to draw her attention and to look her in the eyes. And shortly before the vows the priest said “Should anyone present know of any reason that this couple should not be joined in holy matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace.”
Sam took a look around and saw her father squirm in his seat, Daniel staring at his shoes, Teal'cs face gave nothing away and Cassie made a face to tell her it's her decision. Last of all she watched Jack close his eyes and shake his head, only for her to see. He wouldn't say anything, he wouldn't interfere. But by god she wished he would. And when he opened his eyes again she knew what she had to do.
“I can't!”
It was loud and clear and she was as surprised as everyone that there was no falter in her voice. A murmur went through the crowd and she swore she could hear her father exclaim a quiet “Yes!” Cassie clapped with him and Daniel handed 50 bucks to Teal'c. Mark was shocked and ready to get up but was held back by General Hammond who was chuckling and telling him that this was what they were all waiting for.
“What?” Pete was gobsmacked, “What do you mean ‘you can't’?”
Sam had to take a deep breath before she could continue speaking. “I can't marry you, Pete. I'm sorry, I should have said something before. It's only… I realize I won't make you happy. I'm not the one you want me to be and I don't want to change who I am. You're a good guy, but just not the right guy for me. I am really sorry and I hate to do this to you now, but I can't marry you!”
She took off her engagement ring and placed it in the palm of Pete's hand, turned around slowly and walked down the steps towards the aisle. She searched for Jack and after all their years of nonverbal communication he understood that she needed time on her own. She didn't want to be followed by anyone and asked him silently to make sure of it. In passing her father handed her the keys to his car. She drove for a long time to clear her head before she turned the car to drive home, half expecting her side of the guests to be waiting for her. But thankfully no one was there, just a letter from Cassie that told her they took care of everything. That her fridge was filled with the food the caterer wouldn't take back including the wedding cake, that they explained everything to Mark and his family and that they were at O’Malleys if she felt the need to talk. Her heart bursts with love for the young woman she proudly could call her daughter now. Her wedding dress suddenly felt tight, she needed air to breathe and stepped outside into her backyard which should be filled with guests and laughter and music if anything would have gone as planned.
There she was, grabbing for her veil, tearing it out of her hair and letting it slide down beside her. She could feel him long before she heard him. He was standing on her back porch observing her for quite some time now while she hasn't moved an inch yet. She heard his shoes sink into the grass as he approached her. Each of his steps was muffled by the ground and finally he came to a halt behind her. Placing his hands carefully on her upper arm he pulled her closer, her back tight to his chest. His arms crossed her front and her hands held onto said arms. She let her head fall back to his shoulder, which gave him the opportunity to kiss her temple.
“So, Carter. Quite the show you were giving us earlier in that church.”
She tried to suppress a giggle. “I'm sorry it took me so long.”
“Doesn't matter. I told you I want you to be happy. Are you okay?” He asked her, hoping she wouldn't regret her decision.
“I am. More than okay. Jack, when I was standing there… I… I couldn't imagine myself as a housewife, only looking after his kids. That's not me. And every time I tried to imagine those kids they just looked like you! I don't want you to be uncle Jack…I… Argh, damn it….I want you to be daddy!”
His heart stopped, this was exactly what he dreamt of. But to take the seriousness out of the situation he just asked: “Kids? More than one?”
Now her giggle from earlier became laughter. “As much as you want. As long as they're yours!”
“So does that mean, you're not against weddings in general, just not with the guys who asked you until now?”
“I think so.”
“You think so? Carter, give me something to work with here, would ya?”
She turned around to cross her fingers behind his head and pulled him down to her. Her lips brushing his softly until she had him close enough to kiss him finally. Her tongue ran over his lips, pushing them open just a little bit so that her tongue was able to slip into his mouth, dueling with his to become the most passionate kiss both of them had in a very long time.
When they came up for air his eyes were filled with desire and Sam was smiling brightly.
“That's enough of a hint for you?”
“I think so!” He answered, using her expression from earlier.
“You think so? And what exactly do you think right now, Jack?”
“I'm thinking that it would be a shame to let all this nice decoration and all that food go to waste.”
“What?” That was not what she was expecting and honestly she didn't know what he meant.
“Samantha Carter, I'm not stupid enough to let you go a second time. Will you marry me? Right here, right now? Maybe we should date and get to know each other better, but what's there you don't know about me anyway? And haven't we been dating for eight years already? I know I'm not running blind into this and I hope you feel the same. I love you and I want you in my life, and with any luck we can have a family and… “
“Yes!”
“Ehm, yes?”
“Yes!”
“Yes yes, as in…?”
“Yes! As in: Yes I want to marry you! Right here, right now. I'm not sure how this could work, but I most definitely would.”
He scooped her up in his arms and swung her around. They both laughed full heartedly and when he stopped and sat her down he bent his head again to kiss her.
“So Jack O’Neill, how do you plan on doing this? Even if we manage to get all our friends here and someone to marry us, you're still my commanding officer…”
“No, I'm not. And father Patrick owes me one, we go way back, met in Iraq.”
“What do you mean with ‘you're not’? Jack, what have you done?”
“When you left the church I went to talk to Hammond. I was determined to resign, I wouldn't want to let this opportunity go this time. I didn't need to say anything before he told me what to do. Let's just say the President is a fan of you and couldn't believe you were going to marry that cop.”
“Excuse me?”
“George told me that he has a lot of money in that betting pool from Walter no one knows about. He was waiting for one of us to make the first move all those years. Can you believe he has a contingency plan?”
“The President?”
“Exactly that one. So you're now looking at Jack O’Neill, civilian leader of the SGC.”
“No! Jack! You were heading for another star.”
He chuckled, “Maybe, but what's it worth if you have no one to share it with? And to be honest, if someone had told me I would make General someday I would have laughed right in his face. You, on the other hand, still have a great career ahead of you and I will proudly be at your side.” He reached out and caressed her cheek, putting a strand of hair behind her ear. And suddenly it dawned on her, that this, them, was really possible, the first time in eight years.
“Oh my god.”
“What?”
“Jack? We're really doing this?”
“Yeah, you betcha! I'm going to call the guys and Patrick now.”
She was still standing on the same spot when he returned from his phone call. “They're here in twenty, do you need me to help you with something?”
She looked down to the discarded veil when he bent down to get it. “You don't need this, Sam. You're prettier without. I love your hair like this. But something is definitely missing on your finger.”
He put the veil onto the railing of the porch, fumbled in his pocket and kneeled down before her. Opening the black velvet box, it revealed a ring Sam knew all too well.
“Jack, that's…”
“...your mother's ring, right! Your dad thought you might want to have it. He gave it to me so I could propose properly.”
“Dad knew about this? And why did he have mom's ring with him?”
Jack blushed a bit, remembering his talk with Jacob earlier today.
“He always thought your wedding to Pete might end like this. But he thought that I would be the one to stop the wedding.”
**********
Sam just left the church when Jacob turned around to look for the man he always thought might end up as his son in law. And it was not Pete who he was looking for. Pete was standing next to Mark, trying to process what just happened. Jacob scanned the scene and found the younger man deeply in conversation with George Hammond.
He was about to make his way over to them when Mark held him back.
“Dad, do you have any idea what's going on with Sam? Why has she just left the man she loves?” It was clear that her brother had no idea what was going on. Why has his sister left his best friend?
“Oh Mark, he was never meant to be her husband. Can you imagine the little whirlwind who always climbed the highest trees, who buried her nose in her books, curious to learn new things, who has blown up our garage while building a rocket, several times I might add, to end up as the perfect little housewife, looking after her kids and having dinner ready when her husband comes home? No, that's not Sam. She needs someone equal to her, who knows her inside out, the good and the bad things and who respects her and what she's doing. One, who doesn't want to change her, but encourages her to be the best version of herself. Someone who has done it for years now and always held back for her sake, who rather stuffed his feelings away than letting her go out there fighting alone and him not watching her six.” His eyes landed on Jack O’Neill and Mark followed his gaze.
“Her boss?” He asked, not believing what his father was telling him. “But dad, he's her commanding officer.”
“Yes son, and that's the only reason why nothing happened between those two so far. They are both too dedicated to their work, and let me tell you not only because it's classified, their work is important. They're saving the planet on a daily basis and that's more than I'm even allowed to tell you. They held back their feelings to save us all, more than one time. Sam settled for Pete because she thought she couldn't have it all. And now she realized that this won't make her happy when it's not Jack. So I'm going over there now to give him a push in the right direction. I'm not getting any younger, and so doesn't Jack. And I'm determined to see Sam becoming a mom and to spoil my grandchildren while I can.”
Mark picked up on what his father just said. “He's quite a bit older than her, huh?”
Jacob frowned, “16 years, but don't let his age fool you. He's capable of things most young cadets aren't.”
“Now I'm really curious about this guy.”
“Believe me, you'll get to know him. And your kids will love him. Jack and children, that's something that belongs together.”
He left his son who was wondering about the man who obviously was meant to be the perfect partner for his sister. Jake reached Jack and George, whose conversation was about to end. Jack's voice slightly rising. “And you're telling me this now? George, why didn't you say something earlier? We could have stopped this all from happening!”
“Why is that?” Jacob intervened in the conversation.
“I just told him that President Hayes was worried that Sam would really go through with it and marry that cop. He has a lot of money in Walter's betting pool and was about to lose big time. I also told Jack, who by the way wants to retire right now, that this inquiry is denied.”
“But…” Jacob was about to speak up to pave the way for his daughter and whom she fell in love with, as Hammond interrupted.
“It's denied, because the President has had a contingency plan for a long time now. And as of noon today Jack is the civilian leader of the SGC. Though I'm a bit sad that he won't be able to take over from me as Head of Homeworld Security, cause he's no longer military, I'll surely find someone else.”
Jacob turned to Jack, “So, civilian leader, huh?”
Jack's mouth became dry and he cleared his throat, taking Jacob aside. “Yeah, well, Dad… can I talk to you.” He stuttered, not really prepared for this talk. His hands were sweaty and his heart was racing so quickly he thought that the man before him must literally hear it.
“Of course, Jack. Talk!” He gestured to him to go on, fully well knowing in which direction this talk would go.
“I know that I'm not the man one would wish for his daughter. I'm far away from being perfect, but next to Sam, who would be? No one is good enough for her and I'm aware of that. Twice she thought she had found the one to make her happy. And I'm not saying that I'm any better than them, but maybe I just love her a little more. And I'm willing to try. I'm not letting her go another time if she'll have me. She knows me better than anyone and that scares the shit out of me. She knows all of me and she's still my friend. She was the best 2IC I've ever had and she will make her way to be the youngest General in history, of that I'm sure. But sorry Jacob, I want her to be General O'Neill someday, not General Carter. Jake, I love your daughter and I'm asking you for your permission to marry her. Your blessing would mean the world to me.”
Jack was getting worried when the man in front of him just fumbled in the pocket of his dress blues instead of talking to him. When it looked like he found what he was searching for he placed a small velvet box in Jack's hands. Carefully Jack opened it and saw a worn beautiful golden engagement ring. It was different from anything he had seen before because the stone was peridot with smaller diamonds by its side. Shocked, he looked up to see Jacob smile.
“It was Debbie's! Sam always loved her mother's ring. But until now I haven't had the feeling it was time for her to wear it. This should come from the man she loves, not the one she was just settling with.”
Overwhelmed by the situation Jack didn't know what to say. Did just everybody know about his feelings for her?
“Jake, I don't know…”
Jacob placed his hand on Jack's shoulder as a sign of affection. “It's alright Jack. You have my blessing. I just waited for you to get your head out of your butt and finally do something! Let's get the guys, go over to O’Malleys and have a drink. She won't be home until later, son.”
**********
“Wow, would you put it on me?” She shyly asked.
“Of course! Please give me your hand.” He took her hand and carefully put it on her ring finger. “I'm sorry that I don't have wedding rings, but we'll get them as soon as possible.”
“I don't care, Jack. With or without rings, this will be perfect.” Again she leaned forward to kiss him when she heard people approach her front door. “Oh gosh, they're here. We have nothing ready. We need to get the food out of the fridge…”
“Sam!” He brought her back from thinking too much. “These are your friends and family, they don't care. We can reheat it later and as long as there's cake we're good.” He promised her.
“Here, you are! Guys, I found them!” Cassie shouted for everyone to hear. She stopped in front of the woman who became a mother to her since Janet died, and the man who always was a father to her. “Finally! So this is how it should have been from the start. But knowing you, you could never do things the simple way, could you? Jack, I'm taking her with me to freshen up a bit. You can take the boys and rearrange the chairs a bit. Talk to Daniel, but I'm sure over there under the oak tree is the perfect spot for your vows.
Daniel and Teal’c rounded the house, both carrying huge floral arrangements which Jack recognized from the church, arranging them under the tree Cassie was pointing towards.
There were not many people left, only the ones both, he and Sam, care about and they were all carrying chairs to line them up on the grass.
He was about to get one when he felt a hand on his back. “Mark!”
“Yes, that's right. I'm Mark, and you must be the man my sister is going to marry tonight.”
“Yeah. That's me! I'm sorry, we haven't been introduced properly.” He extended his hand to shake Marks. “I'm Jack! I know that this may seem a little hurried, but let me tell you it's not. I'm in love with your sister as long as I know her and I promise I will take care of her. I know she would kick my ass if she heard this, she is capable of doing this herself, but once in a while it's nice to have someone watching your six.”
Mark grinned. “It's alright Jack, dad explained everything to me. Just wanted to get to know you before you become my brother in law. I'm sure you'll make her happy.”
He then took a seat next to his wife and children. Daniel, Teal'c and the General sat down as well, leaving a seat for Cassie and Jacob. When Jack turned to take his place in front of them he recognized Dixon and Reynolds and even Walter and Siler were there. He shook his head but laughed. Hell, they deserved to be there. They were there for the whole eight years, and he knew they also had money placed in the bet.
Only when he was standing in front he was aware that he was still wearing his dress blues. He wasn't military anymore, but he couldn't care less. That's what he was until a few hours ago and better to get married in this than naked, right?
Soft music began to play when Cassie was the first to step outside, walking towards Jack. She took the seat next to Daniel and they stood all watching Sam walking towards them with Jacob next to her. Similar to hours ago, but this time she smiled, never taking her eyes off Jack.
Jacob leaned towards her whispering, “I never thought I'd see the day you're getting married and now I'm walking you down the aisle for the second time today.”
“Dad!” She giggled.
“You're sure this is the one you want?”
“I'm sure, dad!”
“I mean, after all this is Jack O’Neill we're talking about. You're really sure?”
“Yeah dad, I am!” She told him again.
He chuckled, “Just making sure you know what you're getting yourself into! I'm happy for you, honey. He's a good guy. You two deserve to be happy together.”
“Thank you dad!”
Jack's eyes never left Sam, it didn't matter to him that she was wearing the same dress she wore this morning, she was beautiful and she was about to become his wife.
They had reached the end and Jacob placed Sam's hand into Jack's.
Jack took both of her hands in his and they faced each other while father Patrick began the ceremony.
When he reached the part to ask for objection he carefully avoided saying it.
“Now I'm asking you to say your vows.” And father Patrick nodded towards Sam.
“I, Samantha Carter, take you, Jonathan O’Neill , to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until parted by death.”
He squeezed her hands in a loving gesture before he began to speak.
“I, Jonathan O'Neill , take you, Samantha Carter, to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until parted by death.”
Aware of the lack of rings, father Patrick skipped the part of changing rings.
“In the presence of God and the witness of friends and family, it is my great privilege to pronounce you husband and wife! You may kiss the bride!”
To loud applause and cheering Jack took Sam's face in his hands while she put hers on his hips, leaned forward and kissed her for the first time as his wife. The sun was down by now and the backyard was illuminated by all the lights in the trees and the candles on the tables.
When they cut the cake Jack had no objection that Sam's hand was on top of his. They fed each other and Jack was happily surprised that it was chocolate cake. Not long after, their friends demanded the first dance. He took Sam's hand in protest and led her to the free area in the middle. The music started to play and they both swayed to the rhythm of the music, holding each other tightly embraced, her hand in his, pressed against his heart between their bodies.
*Boy meets girl and the world stops turning
She makes him forget all the rules he was learning
They give a toast to the ones who never stop hoping
There's not much to lean on and eyes wide open
And they look up high and wonder what the future's gonna hold
Will we look back down on 99 years of a wonderful life
Where we laughed till we cried
and our love was stronger with every fight
There'll be a thousand moments for you to say "I told you"
And a million more for us to say "I love you"
So let's look forward to you and I looking back
At 99 years like that*
And soon, they felt the first raindrops on their skin. Their guests sought shelter under the tents to stay dry, but the two continued dancing in the rain. Not even a storm could diminish their happiness now.
A gentle smile turned into a giggle and quickly into hearty laughter.
“I love you so much, Jack!”
“And I love you, Sam! I'm ready to dance with you through every rain and storm we might have to face.”
She rested her head on his shoulder, and he embraced her just a little tighter. Dancing to the rhythm of the music and the rain pattering on the tent roofs.