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The pink haired girl frowned. "I'm sure you can remember your name."
They shook their head. Two names floated to their mind. Stelle . Caelus .
"I don't know."
"We'll figure it out later. I'm Dan Heng and that's March 7th." The man, Dan Heng, said. "First we need to get out of here."
They nodded. Stelle. Caelus. They didn't know why both sounded right. They tried to remember anything else, a woman with magenta hair? What did she say again? A choice? A journey? They would worry about that later.
-
Once everything settled and everyone agreed that they should board the express, Himeko asked, "And what's your name?"
They fidgeted with the rim of their glove. They still didn't know how to answer. Himeko told them that was alright. It didn't feel alright. Why did they have two names that felt both correct and not correct? Like two people trying to sit on one chair, each only fitting half way.
As they boarded the express, March turned to them. "So I've been meaning to ask... are you a boy or a girl?"
They thought for a moment. "I don't know."
"Okay." She said, "that's cool. Be who you want and that's what's important!
"Are you a girl?" They asked.
March smiled. "Yep! Yes I am!"
"Do you think I'm a girl?" Might as well ask the expert.
March looked them up and down. "You look rather androgynous... but if you think you're a girl, that's really up to you to decide. Here! Let me show you something."
March pulled them to her room and sat them on her bed. "You know, I don't remember anything from before I woke up on the Express. Like you! At first, everyone thought I was a boy because of my body. But I'm a girl!"
She pulled out two photos. "Look! Before," she raises a photo of herself looking like a boy. "After!" She raises another photo, closer to her current appearance.
Being a female…
They imagine themself to be like March. Long hair, bright colors, wearing a skirt, being referred to as she or her . Her heart fluttered. She fell in love with this ideal.
She replied, "I want to be a girl."
"Okay yay!" March jumped onto the bed next to them. "Did you remember your name yet?"
"Stelle." She decided. It felt, more feminine, more correct. (Though she didn't quite let go of Caelus. It continued to float around her, like a familiar.)
"Okay! Nice to meet you Stelle! So… do you want to try some of my girl clothes?"
Stelle nodded. She was going to take the ideal in her head and bring it to life. She was going to sculpt it with her own two hands.
March went to dig in her closet. "Hmm… let's see. You are a bit taller than me, but my skirts should still fit." She pulled out three skirts and threw them on the bed.
Stelle picked up the yellow skirt and watched as it's ruffles fluttered in the air. She put it on and walked up to the mirror.
Yes. This was exactly what she was supposed to do. She did a small twirl then admired the way the skirt accentuated her waist. This was how she was meant to be. She was sure of it.
"Ohhhhh! You look so cute!" March pulled up her camera. "Can I take a picture?"
"Sure!" Stelle struck a pose.
March pulled the photo out of the camera and gave it to Stelle. "Now…" March pulled out a box of hair accessories and held it out at Stelle. "Pick one! You can keep it, I have lots."
Stelle picked up a clip with a yellow flower and put it in her hair. "Thank you."
"Glad you like it! Sometime we have to go buy clothes that fit you, okay?"
"Looking forward to it."
Stelle went to bed that night with the clip on her nightstand. She thought about what kind of clothes she wanted to buy with March. March's style was a bit too bright, she would prefer something muted. And hair clips were cute, she wouldn't mind getting more. She should grow her hair past its current shoulder length, too.
Being a girl was fun. Stelle was confident she had made the right choice.
-
When Stelle woke up the next morning, they were firmly sure they were not female. They couldn't describe it, it just didn't feel right.
They walked into the living carriage to see Welt and Dan Heng talking. Their deep voices, sharp facial features, clothing choices, everything that made them male , resonated a little too much with them.
That other name... Caelus. Yes. It snapped into place and fit firmly in his heart like it was always meant to be there.
Dan Heng turned to Caelus. "Good morning Stelle, did you have a good rest?"
Caelus shook his head. "That's not my name." He knew this. That he was male and his name was Caelus and not Stelle.
"Oh? March said it was. What's your name then?"
"Caelus."
"Huh, alright then. Nice to meet you, Caelus." Dan Heng nodded and returned to his notebook.
"Are you settling into the Express?" Welt asked.
"Mhm." Caelus replied. "Everyone's been really nice."
"I'm glad to hear it. Let me know if you need any help or have any questions." Welt smiled. Caelus smiled back. He felt a certain kind of solidarity with Welt and Dan Heng, that they were of the same gender.
Everyone looked up when March walked in, and yelled, "Good morning everyone!"
She ran up to Caelus. "Did you have a good night's sleep? Do you wanna try some of my clothes today?"
The idea of wearing girly clothes rubs him the wrong way, today. "No, uh thank you."
"Awww, why not?"
How was Caelus to explain that yesterday he was a girl but today he's a boy? From his limited life experience even he knows that's not common. "I'm not a girl. Anymore." What else could he say?
"Wow, really?" March raised her eyebrows. After a moment, she smiled. "Alright, that's great too! So are you a boy now?"
"Yes. My name is Caelus." He replied. He didn't doubt his answer for a moment.
"Okay! I'm happy for you!"
"So you are male. Nothing wrong with that, we accept you all the same." Dan Heng said. He raised his plate. "Like to join us for breakfast?"
"Oooooh! Pom Pom pancakes!" March grabbed a plate and snapped up food from the table. "Caelus! Come take some! They're soooo good."
Caelus happily joined the rest of the Astral Express for breakfast.
-
When evening came, Caelus ran into the conductor.
"Good evening passenger Caelus." Pom-Pom said. They didn't look up from their sweeping.
"Hi Pom-Pom. Need a hand?"
"I'm almost done, but next time I'd love your help!" Pom-Pom poked Caelus's shoes with their broom and he took a step back. "How have you been settling in?"
"Good. I've been meaning to ask... are you neither male nor female?" Caelus had heard the other members of the Express refer to Pom-Pom as "them".
"Hm." Pom-Pom pauses their sweeping. "Pom-Pom is Pom-Pom."
"Okay." Caelus watches as Pom-Pom continues sweeping. Being neither male nor female, Caelus could see the appeal in that. But he was very firmly male.
Pom-Pom seemed to not want to be disturbed, so Caelus left. "See ya."
"Pom-Pom remembers your offer to help! Come back tomorrow."
-
The next morning, Caelus woke up and went into the main room.
"Good morning. Would you like to join us?" Himeko took a sip of her coffee.
March waved. "Here! Try the Pom-Pom toast!"
Caelus took a serving for himself. The Pom-Pom toast was good. He took three more slices and devoured them in one go.
After breakfast, March returned to her room. A while later, she came out wearing a new outfit.
March spun in a circle. "Tada! How do I look?"
Welt, Dan Heng, Himeko, Pom-Pom and Caelus all looked up. Himeko smiled. "You look great! Is that a new shirt?"
March replied something, but Caelus didn't hear it. He was too focused on how he suddenly felt like not a boy.
Nonononono. She was too focused on how she suddenly felt like not a boy. Her name was Stelle now.
Could one's gender change so abruptly? Was that a thing?
March was inspecting her new shirt. "Hmmm. I don't know about this one. Maybe a pink shirt would look better?"
She turned to go back to her room.
"Wait! Can I try some more of your clothes?" Stelle called.
"Sure! Come on!" March grabbed Stelle's wrist and pulled her to her room.
Stelle sat on the bed while March busied herself with digging through her closet. She threw two skirts onto the bed. "Which one looks better?"
"Hmm… this one?" Stelle held up the blue skirt with ruffles. "Anyway…" She fidgeted with the zipper on the skirt.
"Do you think it's possible for me to be a girl now?" Stelle looked toward a corner of the room. Zip zip zip zip zip.
"Sure? Did you change your mind?" March hopped onto the bed.
"I guess?" Stelle stared at the zipper. It was dotted with tiny gemstones.
March seems to have come to a realization. "Ohhh! Are you genderfluid?"
"What's that?"
"It means that your gender changes." March took out her phone and tapped open a website. She handed it to Stelle.
Stelle read over the page. It made sense. She changed from being a boy to a girl.
"I think I'm genderfluid." She smiled.
"I've never met a genderfluid person before! That's so cool! How does it feel?"
"Well… my gender just sort of changes? I guess?"
"I see." March nods.
Stelle understood now, that she flip flopped between being male and female. She could be happy with this.