Chapter Text
🎶were so close to something better left unknown
I can feel it in my bones
gimme sympathy after all of this is done
who would you rather be the beatles or the rolling stones
oh seriously, you're gonna make mistakes you're young
come on baby play me something like here comes the sun🎶gimme sympathy-metric
She woke up head aching and dry mouthed from crying all night.
She stumbled into the bathroom, splashed her face with cold water and did the first hard thing of the day, she took a look at herself in the mirror.
Her eyes were puffy and red and her cheeks blotchy from cold water and the crying.
She took a deep breath and said to the mirror
"come on Penelope, we've got to get it together today, we've got this"
she fixed her hair, brushed her teeth and applied a light makeup look with a little more concealer than usual.
She pulled on a white jumper and headed to her laptop to log onto the meeting set to begin in 10min.
She started her coffee maker and popped some bread in the toaster though she knew she probably wouldn't eat it.
The meeting started and everyone said their hellos and she thought
'ok no problem I can do this'.
The meeting was to brainstorm ideas for the new issue.
She was working remotely due to the main office being located in Brighton but she had moved to New York with her fiancé almost 2 years ago.
Most of the correspondence for the issues was via emails, calls and zoom meetings.
When she was back home she had been working a hybrid schedule as it was, only 2 days in the office and 2 from home so when she told her boss she would be moving it was quickly proposed that she keep her position just remotely.
Penelope loved her job; she was being paid to write and what's more she worked for a woman centric magazine in a mostly women company.
Ideas were being proposed and Penelope gave the ideas she was working on.
She got a private teams message from her boss asking if she was ok.
Why is that all it takes sometimes?
She got teary and tried to clear her throat to stop the tears because she was still on camera for the meeting.
Her boss then spoke up and said she would be cutting this meeting short due to another meeting that overlapped and that she was happy with the current direction for the next issue and would be emailing each department individually on specifics.
The call ended and Penelope got another teams message.
' Hey P what's going on'
She wasn't the type of person to bring her personal problems to work but apparently, she wasn't doing as good of a job hiding her distress as well as she thought. She messaged back
'sorry shelly didn't mean to derail the meeting just going through a break up, not to worry I'll be back on track soon and I'll have my drafts for the issue on time'.
' You know P it's perfectly ok to take some time especially after a break up'
' no really I'll be fine'
'P, listen you never take time off I think your last vacation was a year ago and only used 2 weeks of your vacation time, HR has been all over me about possible burn out in all departments, why don't you take 3 weeks, we have enough for the next issue and it'll be helping me out as well.'
How could she argue with that?
'Ok I guess a break would be good, Thanks'.
She got off the computer and collapsed back into bed.
She got out her phone and sent a single message before she allowed herself to full out ugly cry into her pillow.
Colin was packing his bag to head to his next assignment in Brazil when he got the message
Pen: it's over.
His heart sank and he pulled up the details for his flight and cancelled it.
He booked a flight for New York while in the cab to the airport and emailed his team to let them know he wouldn't be able to do the Brazil travel vlog just now and that there was a family emergency so he would be taking some time.
Penelope woke around 11pm to the sound of knocking at her door.
She was surprised that she had slept the whole day away but her head felt better and she walked to the door worried it would be Alfie but hoping it wouldn't be.
She opened the door to find Colin with a Large box of pizza and a duffle bag.
She smiled big with tears already forming and leaned into his chest and wrapped her arms around his stomach.
Holding the pizza box out with one arm his other arm wrapped around her back and held her tightly.
They entered the apartment and settled on the couch.
She was gathering tissues for the oncoming tears as he went to the fridge to get a beer for him and a glass of wine for her.
She accepted the wine and wanted to protest the slice of pizza he offered but he lifted his eyebrows and gave her a knowing look and she took it.
She ate and it was good and warm and no sooner did she get to swallow did the dam of tears break.
He ate and rubbed her back soothingly while she cried and got through the next bites painfully.
He went to the bathroom and got a washcloth from the linen closet and ran warm water.
He returned to the living room and found that she was drinking her wine with stuttered breaths but crying less.
She accepted the towel and wiped her face laughing at how terrible she must look, which was all the more upsetting because despite just getting off a flight he looked really good.
He was wearing dark blue jeans with a dark green henley and black bomber, only the slight stubble on his chin showed how long of a day it has been.
He smiled warmly at her and drank his beer and said
"So when you're ready, what happened?"
She took a deep breath and said
" you were right, he wasn't really in love with me and his bestie was really the one".
He thought back on the fight they had 2 years ago when she got engaged to Alfie.
She showed him the ring and he said he didn't know why she was in such a rush to settle down.
Rush? She was 24!
Her sisters were already married by this age with a baby as her mother kept reminding her.
Even still she hadn't felt like she was rushing, she thought she found someone who really understood her.
Alfie was 1 year older than her and a published writer with a psych degree.
They would have lengthy conversations about human and family dynamics and socioeconomics.
She liked how easily they chatted; it was almost as effortless as talks with Colin.
They both loved a good comedy and he even had a childhood bestie he was still close with.
Her name was Cressida and she was nice enough to Penelope but they weren't close, she was Alfie's bestie and it didn't bother her because she had Colin.
It was nice to not have to constantly explain the close relationship they shared to a boyfriend because he had the same with Cressida.
On one of Colin's breaks from travel he met the three of them at a pub for drinks.
Colin took in the closeness of the pretty tall and thin Cressida with Alfie while they all chatted about Colins' recent trip.
Afterward as the 4 split up with Alfie and Cressida walking home the opposite direction of Penelope and Colin (because they lived close to each other) Colin told her that he wasn't so sure she should be ok with her boyfriend having such a close relationship with a woman.
Penelope said she'd feel like a hypocrite having a problem with it because she had the same with Colin.
He just stared at her with a slight smile and said
'yeah it's the same'.
By the time they got engaged Colin had been around the three more than a handful of times and each time he caught the flirty glances between Alfie and Cressida and saw the polite sweet glances he gave to Pen.
Each time they would leave he could swear he saw the distance between the two close to nothing before they would disappear around the corner.
Pen seemed so happy about the engagement ,of course she was but Colin couldn't help feeling frustrated that she didn't see what was going on right in front of her.
"Pen, have you really thought about this? He's going to hurt you, do you even really know him? I know you're a sweet person but take off those rose colored glasses and see the things he's not saying! Are you the first and last thought of his day? Does he go out of his way to do nice things for you that you've only mentioned in passing? Does he look back at you when you're leaving? Does he long for your smell and your laugh long after you've gone? Does he notice the way your eyes light up when you find something really funny or your ears perk up and turn a little pink when you overhear some gossip? Does he SHOW you that he loves you?"
She was breathing hard and looking in his eyes wondering where all of this was coming from when anger took over her emotions.
She was mad that he couldn't just be happy for her, mad that he found fault with every boyfriend she'd had, angry that he always knew what to say to get her to stop falling for someone else.
"Stop it Colin! Alfie is good to me and I deserve to be happy"
Colin's heart ached knowing he didn't say what he really needed to say to her and knowing that he likely missed his chance of ever saying it to her.
She did deserve to be happy, she deserved to be loved and adored down right worshiped, he just wished she could see it and stop settling for mediocre care and attention.
After that he didn't hang out with the three of them anymore, he couldn't stand to watch the display.
He would catch up with Pen, usually at Bridgerton house during Sunday brunch or the occasional movie night when she came with Eloise (Alfie was staying in writing for the night..).
They quickly fell back into easy banter about anything but her engagement or her Fiancé.
When she announced that she was moving to New York with Alfie he told her again that he thought she was making a mistake.
She told him "nothing ventured nothing gained Bridgerton"
and he almost told her then and there but seeing that she was leaving within the week he thought the better of it.
He knew he was being a coward but he also thought that it would be selfish of him to stand in the way when he had no real proof, just a gut feeling that this guy didn't truly love his Pen.
So, she packed ,and he got with his team to set up a travel vlog for Greece.
Now here he was listening to her heartbreak just as he thought it would.
He wouldn't say I told you so, he hated to see her hurt but he wouldn't ruin his chance this time.
His travels gave him the courage to try.
As she said nothing ventured nothing gained and he often found on his trips that the ones where in everything didn't go exactly to plan were often the most gratifying.
He'd find himself off the beaten path of a hike to stumble upon local restaurants in small towns with amazing food and amazing stories.
The locals he'd met would easily warm up to him and take him to the real beautiful spots to see, nothing you'd find in a travel brochure.
He'd conclude his trips thinking of Penelope and how seeing the world only made him realize that she was the world to him.
He wouldn't leave this time without telling her, he couldn't.
He got another beer and kicked off his shoes near his already discarded coat and topped off her wine.
While she got another slice down she told him how she returned from a visit back home a day early.
Alfie wasn't home for her arrival, she wanted to surprise him so she wasn't shocked that he wasn't there.
She checked his location and he was at a local bar so she got changed and went to meet him there.
She saw him at a booth with Cressida and the two were deep into a kiss.
She approached them mouth gaping and threw the ring at Alfie who only moved to shield Cressida from the projectile.
As Penelope left the bar crying and broken, she knew Colin had seen the truth.
Flashes of moments she had pushed from her mind were coming to her
the looks between them, the way Alfie would look to watch Cressida leave from the table from the restaurant with Penelope right there looking at him.
He had forgotten Penelopes' favorite flower but hadn't forgotten a favorite color, flower, food, style or anything of Cressidas'.
He had been treating Cressida with the love and sincerity he ought to have given Penelope this whole time and she let herself ignore it.
Colin got a throw pillow and laid it on his lap and motioned for Penelope to lay her head down.
She gave a small smile and as she brought her ear to the pillow he scooped her red curls up so she didn't lay on her hair.
He got the remote and said "ok which are we doing Bridget jones or You've got mail?"
she chuckled and said You've got mail and he started the movie.
He lightly tugged the curls at the back of her head letting his other palm apply a little pressure moving up her scalp.
She loved getting her head rubbed like this and this was her favorite feel better movie.
She started to cry again over how nice it felt to be taken care of like this and he rubbed her back.
By the end of the movie she was snuggled tightly to his chest having been scooped into his lap when her crying got intense.
His hand in her hair rubbing the base of her neck and scalp and the other pulling her ribs into him.
He kissed her forehead and she looked up at him and her eyes fixated on his lips