Chapter Text
The sound of the door opening woke Buck from his light doze.
He lifted his head and blinked blearily at the nurse who smiled softly as she grabbed Tommy's chart and looked at the machines.
"Everything looks good," she whispered, conscious of the late hour, even though they were the only people in the room. "He's improving, Buck. I am sure he'll be just fine."
Buck nodded. He was still holding Tommy's hand - had, ever since he sat in the recliner that had been put next to the bed when he asked to be allowed to stay the night. Being a frequent flier of his own came with some perks, apparently.
"It's weird, isn't it?", the nurse, Stephanie, asked, giving him another gentle smile. "Being on this side of the bed?"
Buck let out a small laugh. "Yeah. Yeah, it really is. I am going to have to buy Maddie and everyone else gift baskets or something. I never realized how... scary it can be. Even when Bobby..."
He trailed off but Stephanie nodded, reaching out to give his shoulder a light squeeze. She had been one of Bobby's nurses last year, when he had his heart attack after the house burned down.
"Anyway. It's not the same."
"No, it's not," she agreed, squeezing his shoulder one more time before letting go and putting the chart back to the end of Tommy's bed. "Do you want to go back to sleep? Or maybe take a short walk, stretch your legs? I have a break, I can walk with you."
Buck checked his watch. He'd been dozing for about two hours before Stephanie came in and it was 1am now. "I think walking a bit is a good idea," he said, chuckling as his stomach growled, right on cue. "And something to eat, I guess."
"Skipped dinner, did you?" she asked knowingly and he shrugged. He hadn't been hungry all day, though he remembered eating the sandwich Athena had brought him at some point.
"It's okay," Stephanie assured him as Buck visibly struggled to let go of Tommy's hand. "He's safe, Buck."
"Yeah. Yeah, I know." But he hadn't been. Less than 24 hours ago, Tommy had decidedly not been safe.
He did finally press a kiss on Tommy's hand before setting it down on the bed. He groaned as he got up, stretching, hearing his muscles pop.
"Oh, that sounded painful, you need an ibuprofen?" Stephanie teased as she led the way outside, closing the door softly behind them.
"Hahaha, don't laugh at me, you'll get here one day, too," he grumbled, and she gave him a rather unimpressed look.
"I am only 2 years younger than you," she pointed out, making him grin.
"What a lifetime," he lamented, moving his head to get the crick out of his neck. "Just so you know, it all goes downhill from here."
"Sure it does," she said with an eye roll. They continued walking in silence for a bit. Buck always found hospitals at night creepy, but with Stephanie at his side, it wasn't too bad.
"What happened, anyway?" she asked softly and he sighed.
"He, uhm. You heard about the Girl Scouts getting lost in the Hollywood Hills?"
"Yeah, not sure how that could have happened..."
"Me neither, but, he was flying out there to help find them, and... I don't know. Lucy couldn't fully tell me, but something was wrong with the chopper. He tried to land, but he... he crashed."
Buck shuddered. When Lucy had called him, as they were already en route to the hospital, having had to bring out a second chopper just to airlift Tommy out of the ruins of his own... He thought his heart would stop.
"He came out relatively unscathed, which is a miracle in itself, except for his... his head..."
Except for the skull fracture. Except for the brain bleed. Except for the reason Tommy's head was now covered in bandages because his brain was literally open, pieces of his skull removed until the swelling went down. Except for the coma.
Buck shuddered again at the memory of having been told about it. Of looking at the bandages and know what was under there... He pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes to stop the tears from falling. He had cried enough already.
"I wasn't lying earlier, you know?" Stephanie said, standing next to him in the empty, quiet corridor, waiting patiently for Buck to get his shit together. "Everything looks good. The craniectomy went well, the doctor who did it did everything right. He's very optimistic for Tommy's recovery."
"I know," Buck said, dropping his hands. "I know all that, and I trust you, and I trust the doctor. But it's... it's just... seeing him like that, it..."
"Yeah," Stephanie nodded, grabbing his hand and holding on as they continued walking. "It's never easy, Buck. I know."
"He's always... always been the strong one, you know?" he said, not looking at her but also not letting go of her hand. "Since we got together, I've been in the hospital a few times, never something big, thankfully, but... I am the one that gets hurt. Not him."
"I am sure he prefers you not to get hurt, either," she said dryly, making Buck laugh again. It felt weird to laugh when Tommy was still unconscious and no one knew if he would make a full recovery.
"What if he can never fly again?" he asked quietly as they reached the cafeteria. No one was there but one kid surrounded by books who got up as they approached to ring them out.
"It's certainly a possibility," Stephanie allowed as they grabbed muffins, some juice, and a banana each. "He could end up with life-long issues, mental or physical disability... but does it help you to think about that right now?"
"No," Buck said, sitting down and peeling his banana. "I know you're right. But it's just..." He looked her in the eye, wondering if she could see the despair in his. "I love him so much," he said helplessly. "Obviously I love... I love all of him, but there are just... there are so many little things I love and I worry that they might get... get lost in all of this."
"Tell me about them," Stephanie encouraged him as she unwrapped her blueberry muffin. "What do you love about him?"
Buck chuckled. "God, where to start..." He munched on his banana as he thought. Thought about Tommy, about his wonderful, amazing boyfriend, the man he lived with, the man he wanted to marry...
"I love the way his nose scrunches when he smiles," he said softly. "I love his cleft - it was one of the first things I noticed about him, actually. I love how, every time he kisses me for the first time in a day - morning, afternoon, evening, depending on when we both get home after a shift - he keeps his eyes closed for a moment right after, as if he's savoring the moment. He did that when he kissed me the first time and just... never stopped it.
I love how he listens to me talk, no matter what topic I am going on about. Sometimes I choose the weirdest, or most boring things on purpose, just to see how long it takes him to get bored and try to distract me."
He smirked at Stephanie and she let out a little giggle. Clearly she got what he meant with "distract him".
He sobered again pretty quickly. "I love how he loves me," he continued, his voice going quiet and soft. "He makes me feel treasured every day. He makes me want to be more careful with myself, because I don't want him to worry. He makes me appreciate my own flaws, because I know he only finds them endearing. He... I love how... I love that he makes me love myself."
Stephanie held him while he cried, sitting in that dark and silent cafeteria, while Tommy slept on in his bed, healing, hopefully, fighting, most certainly. Loving Evan, even in his dreams.