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I flinch away as my mom tries to hug me.
I don’t know if it’ll ever feel natural. The wicked queen of hearts, the one who rules her subjects with an iron fist, who hated her daughter’s spirit, dancing with me, hugging me.
So joyful. So carefree. So loving.
But she wasn’t that person anymore. She wasn’t the tyrant who nearly destroyed Auradon. Who might’ve killed her childhood best friend.
“Sorry mom, just tired.” I managed to get out to my mother.
“I love you, my dear.” She smiles, “I’ll call you tomorrow after you’ve had time to settle in. I’ll even send you some of those flamingo-feathered cupcakes!”
She was Queen Bridget of Wonderland, beloved by all. The mother I’d always dreamed she would be…yet I couldn’t help but feel…jealous.
I had the mother I’d always dreamed of, instead of the cold, cynical ruler who practically killed the only friends I’d ever had (well before Chloe)…but I still had to grow up with that person.
I could never be the person she expected me to be, the one this version of my mom had doted over.
I grew up with the queen everyone feared and loathed. Then become someone totally different. Someone who wasn’t so broken, so terrified of my own mother because everything that I went through never happened. My mother was cheerful and loving and I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream.
Because I was jealous. Jealous of everyone who got to grow up with her. Of people who’ll never have to bare with the person I did. Of the people who got perfect, happy, loving mothers.
Jealous of the princess everyone thought I was.
The one with the perfect, cheerful mom, the perfect royal life.
I could never be her.
And the worst part was that the only person I had to blame for my misery didn’t even exist. Bridget did. She didn’t destroy my life. I can’t even hate her like I used to without the guilt churning deep in my gut, as she joyfully bakes me cupcakes.
She used to hate cupcakes.
What I went through merely exists in my vague memories.
I changed the entire course of someone’s life. Chloe and I saved all of Auradon but I for once in my life just wanted to break down and cry.
But I couldn’t. Because I couldn’t tell anybody why. The only person except me who might understand was Chloe. She was the only person except me who remembered the cruel monster who hated the idea of me having my own life. Who hated love. Who was the reason that I haven’t ever felt love before. Even the VKs had friends even if they all didn’ exactly have the best childhood.
But Chloe didn’t deserve to be burdened by my demons. Her mother was still just as sweet, kind and caring as before.
She was probably relieved that my mother remained kind Bridget. And I should be too. But the night after our time travelling adventure, for the first time as far as I could remember, I cried.
Because I did care about love, and despite the monster my mom had become, despite having the mom I’d always wanted, a part of me loved my mother.
That night I grieved.