Work Text:
Sigma was typing (non-chalantly) at his computer as he had just gotten a new office job that was very boring.
He eventually got way too bored doing annoying paper work for his new employer, so he chose to slack off and stare out the window instead. After staring out the
window for about 2.7899067576767690 nano-seconds he caught sight of a small bird in the distance.
But upon further inspection he realised it was infact not a bird, but a whole plane, and it was rapidly approaching his new work place.
"what the sigma." he blurted out, quite loudly, causing all his new co-workers to look over at him very annoyed.
"THERES A PL-" he began to yell (earning him a few more annoyed glances) before he was cut off by said plane crashing into the office.
as the plane blew up his BRAND FUCKING NEW JOB only one thing crossed Sigmas mind
'what the shit.'
then he realized, how the FUCK was he still alive????? he was quite literally just hit by a whole ass plane (that promptly blew up as well) but the only place on his body where he felt even the slightest bit of pain was his ankle. And that was barely even sore.
'i probably rolled it'
Soon, Sigma was falling through the air, a strange parallel to his last job at the casino. And even stranger he noticed that Nikolai was there to catch him again.
'AGAIN??????' was Sigmas last thought before he blacked out.
8==>
Sigma woke up to the sounds of sirens blaring in his ears.
"Sigma! you woke up just in time to watch Fedya hit the south tower!" he heard a voice call through the noise.
"Nikolai?" sigma was utterly disapointed that he was here, afterall he'd taken on this new office job to get away from the decay of angels. Sigma found himself just as (if not more) confused then he was before and even slightly pissed that his old coworker had followed him to his new job.
He had so many questions he needed answers too but before he could so much as open his mouth Nikolai stopped him.
"No time for chatting dear coworker!" Sigma turned to Nikolai, who was standing right beside him. "This is a once in a life time experience! You must watch it!" and before Sigma could even respond with so much as a simple 'fuck off' Nikolai was forcing him to his feet to witness a second fucking plane crash into one of the towers.
Sigma turned over too Nikolai, who was gazing lovingly up at the sight, clearly impressed at Fyodors work, and asked a simple question "WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DO THIS????" Sigma had pieced together that Nikolai was clearly the pilot of the first plane and had used his ablity to quickly catch Sigma as well.
But of course nothing is ever simple with Nikolai "well, you see sigma, its because we missed you!" He did a giddy little jump while talking as if he wasn't just admitting to commiting an act of terroism to see his ex-co-worker again. But of course, Nikolai was not done his explaination "So, me and Dos-kun decided that the best way to get you back into our organization..." Nikolai paused, probably trying to build suspense "Was to destroy your new workplace!"
Sigma couldn't take it anymore, he was just so done with Nikolai's shit, that he didn't even respond to him. He just turned and started booking it to the nearest person he thought could help him.
That's when he noticed two men in deep red (military?) uniforms.
They were bickering about something, making them look rather childish, but all the police seemed to respect them so Sigma assumed these men could help him.
It didn't take long for one of the men, with dark hair, to notice Sigma and how distressed he was.
"Sir? are you alright?" The man asked, but before Sigma could say a word the other man responded "Does he seem ok, Tecchou??" he pointed a finger accusingly at his coworker?? (honestly Sigma didn't know, or care)
"Well, I'm just trying to be polite, Jouno." Tecchou argued back. Sigma could tell where this was going the moment the lighter haired man (Jouno??) opened his mouth again and honestly, Sigma couldn't do this right now, he didn't have time for this bickering between friends (?). He knew he could only hide from Nikolai for so long, he couldn't sit here and listen to these men (who sounded very much like an old married couple) argue for god knows how long even if he wanted too.
So he spoke up.
"COULD YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP PLEASE!" his plan to stop the fighting worked, and he could say with certainty that he had both these guys attention.
"i'm trying to run from a very scary clown right now" Sigma paused for a second, he fucking hated clowns and hated that Nikolai dressed like one every day "He just admitted to hitting one of these towers with his russian lover because he missed me." once sigma finished his explanation he assumed these very clearly government workers would take this as evidence and search for the very obvious culprit, but no, THEY STARTED FUCKING LAUGHING AT HIM INSTEAD.
The duos giggle-fit only lasted around 2 minutes though as Tecchou spoke up "Ok... so, you believe a 'very scary clown' and his 'russian lover' hijacked the planes.. and hit these towers?" he confirmed "All because... they missed you??"
"YES." Sigma was so close to commiting some terroism of his own. "I used to work with them, we uh..." he hadn't thought this one through, he couldn't just tell these people he himself used to be a terroist, so he came up with a genius lie "we were a circus troupe...?" Jouno seemed like he didn't believe it, but before he could say anything Tecchou cut in "Sorry, but your descriptions don't match what we were told..." he paused, to stab Jouno in the foot for laughing "Are you sure that the, uh... scary clown told you all this?" then Jouno added "are you sure your not high?" causing the two to break into another argument.
Sigma didn't even say anything, correction he couldn't say anything. Nobody believed him, now that he thinks about it those idiots probably used the page to write in diffrent culprits, so of course no one did.
And before Sigma could do anything else, to desperatly convince these people to believe him, the worst possible thing happened.
Nikolai and Fyodor had found him.
But Nikolai wasn't dressed as a clown anymore, he was dressed... AS A WOMAN????
'what the sigma'
clearly he was trying to blend in, probably as Fyodor's wife. Then Nikolai ran over to Sigma.
"MY SON!!!! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN??" he called out as he pulled Sigma into a bone crushing hug
Tecchou looked between the three people "Son?" he repeated quietly.
All Sigma could do was screech desperatly.
"NO IM NOT THERE SON, PLEASE BELIEVE ME!!! DONT LET THEM TAKE ME!!! HELPP!!"
Fyodor then stepped in "I apologize for our son here..." he started " He forgot to take his schitzoprenia meds before leaving the house this morning."
Sigma knew he had no chance of escaping anymore, Fyodor was just too smart, he had backed him into a corner. Sigma couldn't even defend himself anymore as Fyodor had probably printed out a fake diagnoses (or even worse made a real one with the page). Everything Sigma could say wouldn't be taken seriously as everyone believed he was a schitzophrenic maniac now.
All he could do was except his fate.
He didn't even protest when Nikolai began to drag him away, and didn't even react when he teleported them all to some random as motel in the middle of nowhere for the night.
8==>
Once he was 100% sure that the strange family had left, Jouno turned to his partner "Did you not find anything about that 'family' suspicous, tecchou?".
"No, not really..." he paused " I kinda just felt bad for that poor mom... I mean wouldn't you be super worried if your unstable, schitzophrenic child escaped?"
"Tecchou- Did it not seem like maybe she was lying?" Jouno questioned.
Tecchou was silent for a moment, thinking it over "i mean a little, but I kinda just felt bad for her-"
"ARE YOU ALWAYS THIS DENSE???" Jouno cut him off "No nevermind you are."
"Well my bad for actually having basic human empathy" Tecchou retorted
"i hope you die."
"If you hate me so much why haven't you divorced me yet?"
"..."
"were you silent or silenced"
Jouno almost clocked Tecchou, but he didn't because he's in gay love with him.