Work Text:
It’s about the Middle of the day,1pm to be exact,I’m here by myself right now, sonic is at the store because we need some more groceries, and he’s picking up some more tools for me. Today has been usual,I get up and I hang with sonic for a bit then I just work by myself,although I’m not working right now,I’m just sitting on my bed thinking. Sometimes I just sit and think,not about anything specific,just random stuff. My mind wonders from thought to thought,sometimes I think about something funny,sometimes i think about something sad and sometimes I just remember events or look back on things that i did or someone did.
My mind suddenly settles on my old home,before I met sonic. The people whom I remember. I don’t like remembering it all but I have to. It was so lonely,nobody opened their arms to me,I was so little yet everyone looked at me with disgust,no one bothered to help,or to ask why a child this young is all alone,I was only shut out and left to the streets.
My mind then suddenly remembers my parents or at least my mom mainly. I have no memory of my dad,he left just shortly after I was born,i do vaguely remember my mom,I was 3 when I last her,I remember her yelling about my dad sometimes,she was always so angry with him,she loved him yet he left. I know it must have been frustrating for her sometimes.
I don’t have any good memories of her though, I’ve probably had some good moments,but I remember little to nothing. She was always mad at me for something,I always felt so bad but I never knew how to make things better. To most people’s standards,they would think she was a terrible mother and person,but I always will excuse her actions,despite all the bad,I think she was good.
A lot of the times when I was upset, by myself and even with sonic, to this day even, I would cry out for her. Most of the time it was just all in my head. But occasionally I would get so upset that I would just scream and cry for my mom. It frustrated sonic a lot because he didn’t really know what to do most of the time,all he really could do is just listen and try and calm me down
My mind is starting to think deeper into to this,I’m recalling what I can, i start to grip the fur on my legs tight, tears are forming in my eyes, the more I think, the more it gets worse. I start to break out in sobs, my nose is so stuffed I can barely breathe. I dig my face into my palms to cry harder. My mind stays on the final memory I have of her, she just drove me out to a street and left me there. I hate remembering this so much, I feel so bad for making her so mad, I was screaming so loud at her to come back but she never drove back. It took me a while to find my house again,I was little and had a poor sense of direction,but she was gone,the house was empty. Her car wasn’t there,the old furniture was gone, and the toys I always laid out in the living room were all gone. I was so confused and lost,I thought I would finally see her again but I couldn’t,she had left to go somewhere else
I want her back so badly,even now. I don’t care about what she did,she probably had to,all she had was herself,and he did have a lot of problems,and I always made her so mad. I truly could care less about anything “bad” she did,I just want her back,I want to play with her like I used to,I want to go on walks with her again,I want to sit and eat with her, even if it’s in silence,I want her to hold me and cry into her arms while she comforts me and assures me that everything will be okay. I want to see her again so badly,I get so jealous of other kids whenever I see them with there mothers,and regretfully,especially cream,I’m glad she’s able to have hers in her life but it just makes me inanely jealousy every time I see her and her mom together.
My ears flicker,I hear the door in the living room open,sonic is home. His footsteps are loud,and I can hear him coming closer to my room,I’m still crying,it’s loud and I know he can hear me. I see him underneath my door,he’s standing there for a bit like he’s listening,then he opens the door and walks in
“Hey buddy…” he says softly,he stands there a minuet,we both just stare at each other,before he sits down with me and brings me into his arms,I just start crying even harder and even louder.
“What’s going on? You were a ok before a left,did something happen?” He said to me,I just dig my face into his chest and continue with my sobs,he says again “it’s okay,it’s okay!! Let it all out”. We sit together some more for a few minutes,taking a moment to calm down a bit,finally I speak
“I was just…..I was just siting here and…I don’t even know” I say with tears,”sonic…I miss my mom so much,I want her back so badly,I want to see her again”. “Oh buddy..” he replies.
I take a few moments to breath,my crying comes down a bit to just sniffing. “I love my mom so much,I just wish she was here,I know she was bad but….she still…I just owe her a big apology”
Sonics looks shifts,he knows about my mom,everything I remember he knows,he suddenly pushes me away to where we’re both looking at each other,he puts his hands on my face,”dude I need you to listen to me right now and I want you to remember this,you don’t owe anybody from that place any sort of apology for anything,you were 3 years old,it doesn’t matter how much she struggled or how frustrated she was,you were a literal toddler”…”and I don’t mean to sound rude when I say this but you need to stop excusing what she did to you,it doesn’t matter if she’s your mom,that doesn’t excuse anything” he continues,”but…” “no buts!” He replied,”you deserved none of the bullshit you had to endure,nothing and I mean nothing will exuse it too. And look I’m not saying that you should hate your mom,I’m iffy about her but it’s okay that you aren’t,it’s sweet of you to still care actually,but dude you need to realize that what she did was fucked up,no child should have to face the abuse to had to face,and if you keep that mindset you have then it’s only going to continue for you with other people and so much worse is going to happen” he says while pulling me into a hug.
“I don’t ever want you to feel like you’re the one at fault to you’re abuse,I hate seeing you like this and I don’t want this feeling to continue on with you,I know you miss her,I’m so sorry that you do, truly I am” he continues. I squeeze him harder and I start to cry again whil apologizing,”don’t apologize,you have nothing to be sorry for,I love you so much dude,please don’t ever forget that” he says
I’m so glad he’s here,I’m so glad he will listen. Nothing may bring my mom back. But you know what. I am so lucky to at least have him
He’s my mom,he’s my dad,he’s my brother and he’s my picket fence. And I am just so lucky to have him. I am so lucky to have everyone else as well, as much I will yearn for my real parents,I have the perfect family already