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Alexis does not love Hades. She does not hate or dislike him. Hades is a cool guy. He’s fun to hang out with. He does a lot of talking but that’s fine because she doesn’t have much to say, so more for him! Hearing his voice is enough for her.
She will never say “I love you”. That is not something she can say. Such a phrase would be foreign coming from her mouth and in her voice. And if she said such a thing, does she really love him? Does he love her too?
Does- Does he? They’re friends, right? At least? He won’t say “if only there was someone out there who loved you”, yeah?
She thinks back to the times they hung out, the times they were so close they could’ve kissed only for her to bite him on the shoulder, and the times she stole his clothes because she got cold but he never tried to steal them back…
Okay, yeah. They’re definitely on good terms. Or else they wouldn’t hang out.
“CAMPFIREMAN!!” She lunges at him. His hands press against her back, keeping her from falling. She swears that for a split-second, she saw the tips of his hair turn pink. Yeah, they’re good.
“You like him.”
EXCUSE ME?
“You like him.” The goddess of love and beauty repeats. “You know how you feel about him, but you’ve been putting it off for far too long. Seriously. I’m doing you a favor here. You need to go right up to him and tell him how you feel. You like him, you want to hold hands and cuddle with him, just stop biting him every time you back out of kissing him!”
Alexis thinks… and she answers with a “No.” She turns and walks away as if nothing happened.
“PLEASE.” Aphrodite grabs her by the shoulders. “I’m serious! Maybe if you kiss him instead of biting him, he’ll-”
LALALALA! SHE CAN'T HEAR HER OVER THE SOUND OF IGNORING HER!!! LALALALA! She didn’t ask for love advice! What makes her think that she has any place in this?! What gives her the right to show up uninvited, un-beseeched, and tell her what to do?!
“I got it!” A guy with wings pops out, brandishing a bow and heart-tipped arrow. He pulls the arrow back. “This will do the trick!”
“EROS, NO!”
He shoots anyway… only to miss by a few inches.
“Uh-oh.”
She snatches the arrow, lunges at Eros, grabs him by the chiton and-
Eros screams.
Alexis skips her merry way home, humming a tune to herself. Once she makes it, she’ll have to do emergency laundry.
“Hey, how’s it- woah, is that BLOOD? Babe, are you okay?! You’re not hurt, are you?”
She nods and gives a thumbs up. “Look what I got.” She places a blood-stained arrow with a heart-shaped tip in Hades’ hand.
“An arrow? From EROS?! Damn! What did you do to get this?! Uh, this isn’t your blood, right?”
“He’s the god of love, not archery.”
“So, you won?”
“I got him good.”
“That’s kickass! Did he hurt you? If he did, I’ll roast him worse than Icarus flying too close to-” A headbutt to the chest cuts him off.
“He wouldn’t taste good.”
“You’re right.” He pats her on the head. He brings his hand down, his knuckles brushing against her cheek before scratching her under the chin. “How about I help you get the blood off? It’s free laundry service! I’ll even throw in a nice hot bath-” She swats his hand away. “Aw, come on.”
“You wanna get bit?”
“That’s not a threat! You bite me all the time! What’s up with that?!”
She groans and buries her face in Hades’ chest.
“C’monnnn… Don’t you get tired of that? Do I taste that good to you?”
“You taste horrible.”
“Those are some bold words for someone who keeps biting me.”
Another groan.
“Y’know, I don’t mind you using me as your pillow.”
A louder groan.
“But you still gotta tell me what’s up with the biting.”
“AAAGHHHHHHHHH…”
Are Eros and Aphrodite watching this? Was this their plan all along? They want her to confess, right?
“I- I dislike you less than I dislike everyone else.” There, she said it. Can Eros and Aphrodite kindly BACK OFF now?
“What…?” He chuckles in bemusement. “What was that? You like me?”
“I DISLIKE YOU LESS THAN I DISLIKE EVERYONE ELSE!”
“What does that even mean…? You dislike me?”
“Less than I dislike everyone else!”
“What about Cerberus? You dislike him too?”
“Nooo!! He’s a good boy!”
“Damn, outranked by a dog. Now I know who you go to the Underworld for. Is it too late to challenge him for the title of Least Disliked Guy?” He leans down and smooches her on the forehead. “How about this? Is this enough to convince ya?”
She should kiss him. Why is she not kissing him? BECAUSE HE’S TALL! SHE CAN’T EVEN REACH HIS FACE EVEN WHEN STANDING ON HER TIPTOES!
“Pick me up.”
“You’re not gonna bite me, are you?”
“No promises.” She grabs his shoulders and attempts to pull herself up.
“Alright, fine, fine.” He holds her in a bridal carry. “Like this? You wanna be carried like a princess?”
“This is good.” She holds onto one shoulder and rubs her head against the crook of his neck. She could kiss him. She could kiss him right here, right now. She leans in. Her lips brush against his neck, bringing her one step closer to kissing him. There’s pink in his hair again!
She pulls away.
“Hey, what are you doing? You can’t just leave me hang-”
She leans back in and bites him on the neck.
“WHY?!”