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As Bai Liu lay in bed with Spades he was unable to sleep. Spades' cool arms were wrapped around his middle and it felt so familiar to another's arms from years ago, back before everything fell apart. A summer that Bai Liu spent with the person he considered his best friend. Bai Liu let his arms softly lie around Spades. Even now Bai Liu wasn’t able to keep his mind from drifting into thoughts about Tawil despite the pain it brought him. All Bai Liu could do was look back at everything that Tawil told him, every touch, word, and moment between them. His arms tightened slightly around Spades. He had realized back in the warehouse that he should have seen the signs of what Tawil planned to do to himself. That the whole time he planned his own death behind Bai Liu’s back. His heart, in his chest, started to hurt again when he thought back to the fire.
Bai Liu’s thoughts strayed back to the wedding between him and Spades that happened the night before. The earnest way Spades had looked at him had made his heart beat faster. Bai Liu couldn’t stop himself from imagining a person with long white hair instead of short dark hair and sliver blue eyes replacing the black ones that had stared at him instead. A veil over his white hair and a gentle look in his eyes that would remind Bai Liu of a warm summer that had long passed. Even through his anger and hate, there is nothing that he would want more than that. A wedding with the person that he had wanted to be part of a family with and to share his forever with. In a world where he and Xie Ta could have a wedding, Bai Liu could imagine wanting a small event between the two of them. After all, Xie Ta would simply be happy to be with Bai Liu and Bai Liu would feel the same so why would they make it a big deal and waste money. But his team and friends would insist on being there. Lu Yizhan and Mu Ke would offer to pay for it and would say since it is an important event they must celebrate it. They would have the wedding during summer. Outside far from any church or lake, where the air would be warm and inviting.
The golden light from the sun would shine on Xie Ta and he would look beautiful in a white suit that would stand out complimented his pale complexion. Bai Liu can imagine his face would look peaceful with a hint of a smile as he looked at Bai Liu. He would have to hide his hand as he tries to not show his embarrassment at being looked at so fondly. As if he was the one that was a god between them. But Bai Liu is sure that Xie Ta would be able to see it and he doubts that he would be able to contain his own smile. Liu Jiayi would probably pretend to be disgusted when looking at them hiding her joy at seeing them together. Lu Yizhan and Fang Dian would be wearing their pride for Bai Liu openly on their faces. That the boy they had known for so long found someone who would stay by his side. Tang Erda would be both touched and disturbed that the man he knew as a monster once could be capable of looking so soft. Mu Ke would be trying to make sure everything was accounted for and running smoothly. Mu Sicheng would be surprised to see Bai Liu in something other than his regular white shirt and black pants.
It would not be official but that would be irrelevant to them. Why would they ever need someone else to recognize their bond. Bai Liu would move Xie Ta’s bangs from his eyes and look into them when saying “I do.” so that he could watch the way Xie Ta’s eyes would shine as bright as the light from the sun. Standing in front of everyone hearing Xie Ta’s response and feeling his cool lips against Bai Liu’s the world would be perfect for a moment. No evil gods or games that put Xie Ta into painful situations. What none of the people watching this moment would know is that the night before they would have snuck out to give their vows to each other and exchange their rings. A private moment between two monsters that no one else could understand, unlike the event at the tavern, where they were surrounded by drunk strangers.
Bai Liu's warm feelings started to fade again when he looked back at Spades. A cold feeling that reminded him he is currently in the winter that Tawil prepared for him. His dark hair and eyes were so different from Tawil's despite them sharing a face. Even his personality was so similar to Tawil’s from when he was younger, that at times it is hard for Bai Liu not to fall back into the memories from his childhood.
The empty feeling in his chest got worse and the anger that burned quietly in Bai Liu’s chest was something he was familiar with. In the ten years he could not remember Xie Ta, there was always a part of him that was grieving his death. A part that he could never understand or fully grasp so he had shut it out until it was nothing more than a numb flicker in the back of his mind. Now Bai Liu was unable to run from these feelings, nor did he want to want to, he wanted to be angry at Tawil. He let that fire burn coldly in his chest. He only wished that he could let go of the love he still felt for Tawil so that this would all hurt less. Tawil always left Bai Liu behind to mourn, never giving him a chance to try and save him. He always wrote himself off as a sacrifice and just once Bai Liu wanted to be able to prove him wrong but it was too late for that. Bai Liu carefully took Spades' arms that were around his waist and moved them off himself so that he could get up and continue to play the game designed for him.