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‘Night’ is what Anya hates most on the ship.
The darkness that covers her when lights go out, and the footsteps that echo as they get closer and closer to her quarters. The feeling of helplessness, and the realization that maybe Captain wouldn’t do anything.
Time was hard to keep in space, but there was a typical time that everyone would retire. Of course, sometimes Anya would stay in the medical room a little longer in hopes of delaying the inevitable a while more. Sometimes Swansea would pace around different hallways at night. Curly would grumble over nothing and everything in the cockpit. Even Daisuke would linger in the kitchens or just sit in front of the large screen well into the late hours.
What was abnormal, however, was the sound of footsteps approaching her room so early.
She had taken First Aid on the Frontline by Dr. M. Sarang, a book that she had already read all the way through, and sat on her bed alone. At some point, after an excruciating long time of reading but not comprehending, she had actually gotten into it. Some parts of it made sense. At least, that’s what she thinks, but it wasn't enough for medical school. Maybe when they returned, she could try again. Being out in the middle of nowhere gave her a lot of free time to reread all those textbooks as many times as she could.
There’s something in the back of her mind that tells her when the footsteps should come. It’s always when the lights under the door fade, and some minutes later.
When they come while she’s studying, her concentration immediately breaks as her head snaps up towards the door. Her heart starts to beat faster, and it takes her a moment to realize that the doorknob isn’t turning. Instead, the shadow before her door is…knocking?
The footsteps were lighter she noticed, now that the blood had stopped rushing through her ears.
“Miss Anya?” A very young voice came through the door, and almost as quickly as it had come, the spike in her heart rate began to slow.
Taking in a relieved breath, she closes her eyes. “Come on in, Daisuke.”
The door opens slowly, and Daisuke’s head pokes through. He looks around for a bit before waving rather awkwardly.
“Woah, your room is so neat!” He says happily, before moving inside fully and closing the door behind him. Similarly, she shuts her book, making a mental note of the page number before fully turning her attention to him.
She knows that it helps some people to actually be paid attention to when they talk. She didn’t need to sit facing him because she knew that Daisuke would talk his head off before realizing if the other person was dead on the floor or not, but it was nice to do so.
“You don’t have to call me ‘miss’.” She reminds him, and the boy nods dutifully. Anya knows that it was very likely that he would forget again the next time, but he had been doing pretty good the last few interactions that they had.
“Got it! Maybe I should think of it like calling Swansea ‘mister’. Ough…that sounds a little weird, doesn’t it? Miss Anya sounds very nice and pretty, just like you! It rolls off the tongue, you know? Like Captain Curly.” Daisuke rambles, and Anya finds herself relaxing with a content smile. It was easy to forget that they were a rather strange bunch, and Daisuke really was just a child at heart.
She shakes her head slightly. “There’s nothing wrong with calling me Miss Anya. It makes me feel a little old, but I guess I need to accept that I am.”
“Seriously?” Daisuke asks, tilting his head. “I was sure that you were only…like…twenty or something. The only thing is that I think being out here took a toll on everyone.”
Anya laughs softly. “Twenty? That’s generous.”
“I’ve never been the best at guessing ages, but I would have thought you were really young.” He shrugs. It’s then that she notices what looks to be some supplies in his hands.
“Is there anything you need?” She inquires, and as if he had suddenly remembered it, Daisuke perks up with a nod.
“Oh, yeah!” He pauses there, and then looks down at his hands. “There’s—well, ah…it’s kind of getting boring here, isn’t it?”
That might have been the last thing she was expecting him to say. When one pictures being out on a ship in space delivering cargo, boring might come to mind. But tell someone about being on a ship in space, and suddenly it was an exciting trip.
“Boring?” But she couldn’t deny that the repetition of every day wasn’t draining her slowly. The same bland and chalky food, the stare of Polle in statues and posters, and the constant routine that never changed. It made sense that Daisuke, who was just an intern with Swansea, might have been getting a little tired of it. But he always seemed so excited about everything.
“Not in a bad way! It’s really cool out here, but there’s nothing fun to do.” He quickly defends, and she raises her hands to try to get him to slow down.
“No, no, I get what you mean.”
“You do?” He lightens up and smiles. “Oh, I knew you would! I thought that we could, like, make a board game.”
“Make a board game?” She repeats, her eyebrows raising.
“You don't have to!” His grin grows a bit uneasy as he gives a thumbs up. “Captain's really busy, and Swansea isn’t really the type, and—”
“I’d like to. Make a board game with you.”
“You would?”
The idea of Daisuke overthinking was a little unnerving. He always seemed to just speak his mind with Swansea.
“Of course.” The supplies suddenly made sense. “Here, just set everything down, and we can get to work.”
Seeing the smile that splits his face is worth whatever mess they make.
—
Both of them had decided that checkers was the easiest route. All they had to do was make a board, and they had just enough cardboard for that. Daisuke was in charge of coloring it, because the moment he tried cutting circles in the paper for their pieces, it was glaringly obvious that maybe Anya should take the lead.
“Wait…should I leave the first tile blank or the second?”
“I…don’t think it really matters. We’ll just flip it so it works.”
“Huh…ah! You’re right!”
The room falls into silence, save for the round of markers against cardboard and the snipping of scissors.
“It’s sixty-four tiles, right?”
“Mhm.”
“Ooh…I might have to hurry. You only need like twenty something circles.”
They fall back into silence again. Anya thinks that he’s trying to fill it, so she talks as well.
“I have to wonder, is there any reason that you’re here?”
“Huh?” Daisuke looks up from where he had been sitting over the board in concentration, tongue poking out from between his lips.
“The ship, I mean. I’m only here because I couldn’t…ah, you might know, but it's because I tried medical school a good eight times. Didn’t work out, but I had enough qualifications to be here.”
“Really?” He asks incredulously, shaking his head. “No way! You’re like a—a billion times smarter than I am!”
“Not smart enough to be accepted.” She laughs humorlessly, but the expression on his face did amuse her.
“That’s crazy! If I was the…the uhm…person in charge, I would let you in before I let in Doctor Suess!”
Anya shakes her head. “I’d hope so. Doctor Suess wasn’t actually a doctor.”
“What.” Daisuke looks up with a look akin to pure horror. “Dude! Why is his name—huh. Is that just his first name then? Doctor?”
“Theodor.”
“What.”
Daisuke was not very fond of this conversation, but she remembers her own confusion when she was younger. Almost like he was mirroring her younger adult self.
“That’s crazy. That’s like if I wrote a book and called myself President Florence.”
“I think Seuss was his middle name.” Anya says, placing a few of the circles on either side of her.
“Middle name? Geez…I don’t know about mine. That’s like just…taking my dad’s name.”
“Is your middle name your father’s?”
“Yeah.” Daisuke grows quiet for a moment before continuing to draw. “That’s how a lot of families like mine are. Doesn’t matter how many kids you have, or their gender. Their middle name ends up being their fathers.”
There’s something that feels wrong about that. Carrying a father’s full name in the last two of your own? Especially knowing how some fathers are…what a curse.
Daisuke’s reaction to it tells her that he’s conflicted over something related to it. But she doesn’t want to pry, because this isn’t a check up in her office. This is just the two of them bonding and having fun together. A change in topic might be best.
“Why am I here, then?” He switches for her. “My mom found this job for me. Told me I was slacking off, all these doodles on my notes wouldn’t do me any good.”
Anya had seen a few of his papers after his lessons with Swansea. On nearly all of them, there was at least one thing drawn on the margins.
“They say that it helps with memory.” She suggests. “Doodling, that is.”
“Yeah, well…it’s a little embarrassing.” His words are reflected in his actions as he hunches over himself, as if hiding himself from view would lessen whatever shameful words he was going to utter.
“I think getting rejected from medical school eight times is a lot more humiliating than what you’re going to say.” Anya laughs, and for a moment Daisuke’s head pops up as if to protest.
“Well they’re stupid! I think any school would be very honored to have you.”
Clearly not. But his earnesty doesn’t fail to bring a real smile to her face. Daisuke was just like that, she supposed.
It’s quiet for a few moments, and his head drops down again as he resorts to laying on his stomach. He mumbles something under his breath, and she pauses. When a few more moments pass and she figures that she wouldn’t suddenly make sense of his words, she looks up from her cutting.
“Sorry, what was that?”
Daisuke slumps again, almost in relief. Maybe her silence had stressed him out.
“I…I wanted to be an artist.”
Oh.
When one thinks of engineering, an artist is maybe one of the last people that comes to mind as willing to do the job. She would have never guessed it, that he had other dreams with how excited he was to work with Swansea. Perhaps she should have known. A boy like Daisuke didn’t seem like the type to settle down and be an engineer on a ship in the middle of space. He was a boy who could do something great and impactful. Art was beautiful in that way. It left a statement.
“I know, it’s really stupid. I mean, no one gets a stable income off of going to art school—”
“There’s nothing wrong with art.” She cuts in, reaching over to place a hand on his shoulder. “It’s a form of self expression, and the ability to express and share that with the world is such an amazing opportunity.”
“My mom doesn’t think so.” He says dejectedly with a half hearted shrug. “Besides, working with Swansea is real fun. I don’t need to be a full time artist. I can do a little drawing on the side, but focus on working.”
Anya hadn’t ever seen Daisuke draw more than those small doodles, but even those were mainly clean and precise. But never anything full blown. Had he been…
“Did you stop? Drawing. Did you stop drawing when you got the spot as an intern?” She asks, a hint of concern in her voice.
Daisuke finally looks up for a bit. “Have you seen my notes?”
“I mean, on an actual paper meant for drawing. A landscape, or a person or object?”
“I guess so? I have to focus here. There’s no time for art.”
The things that he say sound awfully like they were drilled into him by someone else.
She lets her hand fall as she leans back and continues cutting. She herself had never been an artist, and maybe if she thought very long ago, she can remember a little girl’s dream of becoming a dancer and finding a fairytale love.
Anya drops the last few pieces into their piles, twelve in each. She reaches for a marker and begins to carefully color in the pieces on her left.
“After this, why don’t you draw something?” Anya asks, pausing to grab a paper and slide it towards him. “Nothing too extravagant. Just a little something.”
Daisuke looks up, his lips pursed. “I…I don’t know.”
“You don’t have to. But we’re making a board game right now. I would argue that we aren’t working.”
She can almost see the change in him happen right before her eyes. His eyes began to sparkle, looking almost like they were going to overflow in tears. He keeps them back through, and a wide smile adorns his face as he nods quickly.
“Yeah—yeah, I think I’d like that.”
Anya can’t stop herself from beaming right back at him.
—
It had been so long since she had last played a board game that Anya had nearly forgotten how riled up she could get when the other person started winning.
Okay, so maybe she was a little bit competitive. What of it? A girl could have hobbies, couldn’t she?
“You cheated.” Anya accuses, pointing a knowing finger towards Daisuke who raises his hands quickly in surrender.
“No way!”
“Did you move the pieces around when I blinked? Huh?”
“I’m really good at checkers.”
She narrows her eyes at him. He was totally sweating.
“Right. I was known as the checkers champion back home, so don’t even try me.”
“What a coincidence! Me too!”
“Right.” At the moment, she was losing. Still, they were only maybe halfway into the game, and she had five pieces gone. Daisuke himself had lost four. She could totally make a comeback.
She places her index finger on one of her colored papers and slides it forward. That…should be safe.
“Really! My mom would play a lot of board or card games with me. It was really fun.” Daisuke hums, tapping his chin. “You know…”
For a moment, her heart chills as the dreaded words fill themselves in. You remind me of my mother. There’s nothing wrong with that statement, but it engulfs her with a feeling of pure dread. Like there was something sickening about it that shook her to her core.
“You kind of remind me of my older sister.”
…
What?
“I didn’t know you had one.” Anya responds, swallowing the bile that had previously threatened to rise. Daisuke somehow takes one of her pieces. “What? Oh come on! There’s no way!”
“Yes way! I am the champion.” He announces, spinning around before stopping himself. “Well…she was a foster kid, so she didn’t stick around for long. But she played checkers with me once, and I won. And she got mad. Just like you when I win!”
“Absolutely not.” She replies firmly, shaking her head for emphasis. “I don’t lose.”
“Well, you better prepare for your first loss, Anya.”
Like hell that was going to happen.
…
“Bullshit!” She yells as she stands up abruptly, flipping the board over as Daisuke cackled from the floor. He wipes away tears from his eyes.
“Ah! You just got beat, Miss Anya!”
“You cheated. We’re going again. And I’m not blinking once.”
“Oh, yeah? Let’s go again.”
Begrudgingly, she sits back down and shoves everything back to its original place. She couldn’t deny that it was exhilarating, being able to express herself so freely without the fear of repercussion. It was almost like she was back home again, just a kid who’s biggest concern was losing a game.
This time, she is careful to pay very close attention to where he’s moving at all times. And it works out in her favor.
“Ha—”
“No!” Daisuke cries, interrupting her laugh of victory by pushing her hand away from the board. “I take it back, wait! I’m moving my piece back!”
“No you aren’t! See, I knew you were cheating last time!”
“What! You only won because of luck!”
“You wish! Move, I’m winning!”
Needless to say, Daisuke’s begging and her insistence continued on for a while before she succeeded in wiping out his remaining piece. He ended up holding a little funeral for it.
“He fought…so hard.”
“Not hard enough.”
“Stop it! Let him rest…little soldier boy…”
Their third game is paused so that Daisuke can properly mourn. Anya herself relishes in her new found victory.
“I’ll win the next one.” He swears, and she scoffs in return.
“Don’t go around making empty promises to the dead.”
“Don’t you disrespect Tommy like that.”
Tommy was distinguished by a little crown marking that Daisuke had been resolute on drawing.
The third game begins, and Anya makes sure to keep her eyes fixated on the board. There would be no funny business involved, and she would secure her win. That would be that.
However, she was positive that maybe he really was just super fast and switched things out when she blinked.
“How did that move there?” She asks, pointing at a piece that was very clearly in the wrong spot.
“I dunno.” Daisuke replies. “It might have just, you know, been there this whole time?”
“Liar. I’m onto you. I’m winning this.”
“Dream on.”
There was something refreshing about their banter. Daisuke had mentioned an older foster sister, and he was reminding her of a younger brother that she never had.
At some point, Daisuke had leaned down and breathed a little too hard on the board, causing one paper to fly forward.
“Ah-hah! I’ve caught onto your tricks, you cheat!”
“What? No! It was a mistake, I was literally going to put it back—”
“Pssh, the only reason you’re confessing is because I caught you. I knew you were suspicious from the start.”
“Please! It was a mistake!”
“Hah.”
Anya decides to let him be. As they near the end of the game, she found herself stressing slightly. It was going to be a close call. Daisuke had three pieces left, and because of two errors that she blamed on being a little tired, she only had one left.
Daisuke very foolishly moves his own near hers, and she takes it ruthlessly. He groans and buries his face in his hands when it happens, and it brings her joy.
The next out is because Anya was extremely talented. Daisuke, again, began to grumble and kick his feet.
“I’m catching up. I’m going to win.”
“I won’t let you!” He cries out passionately, and with a laugh, Anya realizes that Tommy is the one piece that Daisuke has left.
After that…well, she has no clue what happens. She’s sure that she moves correctly to a place that he couldn’t reach her. She swears that she does. But for some reason, Daisuke laughs, and moves Tommy forward and oh my god—
“Fuck this!” She cries before grabbing the board and throwing it at the wall. The younger boy seems to find this hilarious and cackles, before crawling over to the abandoned board and searching through the papers.
“Ah, Tommy, I just knew you could do it.” He sighs happily, holding the stupid paper to his cheek and rubbing it against the smooth texture.
“Tommy is a liar and a piece of shit.”
“Don’t you say that about him! He’s been through war! Don’t listen, Tommy…you are a hero.”
Anya hates Tommy.
—
“Anya?” Daisuke calls from the floor as she sits on the bed, refusing to even look at him. She spares him a glance. “Thanks. For playing with me. I know it doesn’t seem like much, but—”
Her gaze softens as she reluctantly turns to him and smiles. “It’s no problem. I had a lot of fun too. You want a rematch tomorrow?”
Daisuke grins a thousand-watt smile and nods fervently. “Yeah! I mean…ahem…yeah. Yeah I guess I could spare you a reattempt.”
“Don’t push my generosity.” Anya warns, but her bright smile contrasts her words. Daisuke nods again, wetting his lips and looking down at the paper that she hadn’t noticed was in front of him. “Ah, did you start drawing?”
Almost instantly, his arms fly protectively around the paper and cage it in, hiding it from view. “You can’t look yet! I’m not finished!”
She blinks, but shrugs and nods. “Got it.”
A few more moments of silence pass, and she wonders how to initiate another conversation. She finds that she doesn’t have to do much. Even just being around Daisuke felt like the awkwardness in the room was replaced with a content feeling of childlike innocence and warmth—a feeling of home.
She isn’t sure how long they stay like that, but she starts to read through her book again, and finds it rather easy to concentrate even with another presence. The sound of pencil scratching against paper and Daisuke’s hums and soft breathing make her feel more grounded than distracted. It was something that she couldn’t really find with anyone else.
She gets through ten pages before Daisuke clears his throat, causing her to look up. “You can’t laugh, alright?”
“I promise I won’t.” She responds, and he flips the paper over and slides it towards her slowly. She moves off the bed and sits on her knees, taking the paper from him and looking it over. She can feel the moment that her lips part in shock.
“It’s not all that good, but I didn’t want to try too hard, y’know? I mean—”
“Daisuke.” She stops him, mainly because she needs silence to be able to process the most gorgeous portrait she’s even seen—of her of all people.
She hadn’t even noticed some of the things he did. The brush of a few strands of hair in the opposite direction of others. The light in one eye and dullness in the other from where she sat. Even the hook of her nose was exact, and it had been something she hated and suddenly she felt very beautiful for the first time in a long while.
“I tried to do you justice…I haven’t practiced shading in a long while.”
“It’s amazing. I—I don’t even have words. You really could have a future in art.”
“Ah…my mom doesn’t think so.”
“Then at least draw in your free time. A part time thing. It’s unfair to you and the world to hide your talent.” She finally rips her gaze away from the piece, and is a little surprised to find Daisuke staring at her with large watery eyes.
“Miss Anya…” He says quietly, before quickly scrubbing at his eyes as he ducks his head.
“Aw…aw, no, I mean it Daisuke.” She says quickly, leaning forward before hesitantly wrapping her arms around him. His head lay on her shoulder, and she can feel small pricks of wetness soaking through her shirt.
“Thank you…I—just…thank you.” He hiccups, sniffling slightly.
“Do you mind if I keep this?” She asks softly, rubbing circles into his back. He shakes his head in response.
They stay like that for a while until the tears stop flowing and the sudden evening of his breathing tells her that he had fallen asleep. She runs her hands through his hair and wipes away the rest of his tears before gently propping him against her bed.
It takes a bit of effort, but she lifts him up with minimal stirring from the suddenly very small boy in her arms. He rolls over and settles down on her bed, and she moves the book away and pulls the blankets up to cover him.
“Goodnight, Daisuke.”
She calls, grabbing an extra blanket and pillow, laying them on the floor. There was a bit of anxiety pooling in her gut as she shut the lights and lay still on the ground. Going to sleep took some effort, a fear of the worst crawling up from the pools of darkness.
The footsteps don’t come that night.