Work Text:
I can't do this anymore
Hours of hours of studying for what?
for lousy 2 points?! why am I putting in so much effort, why am I refusing hangouts if in the end I wasted hours, hours of my life, hours that could have been spend in Joy.
But no, I spend those hours at home, refusing to eat, to go out, to have fun. All for 2 points
2Points that decide my entire grade, 2 points that go into my final grade.
I dont want this anymore, It hurts so much seeing people be successful and get the grades they wish for.
I WISH for good grades, but I also work for them, yet there is nothing that WORKS I tried so many different study methods and a few years ago some worked. But now? its all for nothing, I cant sleep because im so scared of failing my last year. I cant do all this, im so tired, im Mentally exaustet.
I dont even know what i should do. I tried everything, and i dont like to be a jealous person, I hate it But what can I do, when everyone else has what I want.
I put in so much effort, so many nights thinking about school and my future.
And at this point I dont see anything
I can't see me working any job that I want, because im simply failing my classes. I dont see me have a happy life simply because im to stupid.
My biggest fear in life is to be stupid, always was.
And now it turned into the truth, into my reality and I hate it, I despise it so much.
I wish I could be happy again, carefree even. But I'm not, I care and it's breaking me.